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Mental Health

22 people share the most eye-opening things their therapist told them that they've never forgotten

"40 years of therapy and those 4 words still resonate with me."

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People share the most impactful things a therapist has said to them.

Good mental health is often achieved with the help of a therapist. Therapists can be an incredible resources for getting additional support during hard times, overcoming challenges, or looking to change patterns. Their words and insights can lead to breakthroughs, realizations, and stick with you for years to come.

So when the question "What's one thing a therapist has said to you that you will never forget?" was asked in a discussion among people who have gone to therapy, many decided to get vulnerable and share the most meaningful things they've been told by a therapist.

These are 22 of the most inspiring, gut-wrenching, and impactful words and pieces of advice that people took away from their therapy sessions that changed their lives.

1. "'Is the relationship you have now, the relationship you'd want for your children?' (to which I had a fast and almost visceral response) and she went on to say 'because this relationship will be the one their subconscious uses as the prime example of what they accept later in life.'" – Sarkasmic_Trix

2. "'Be kind to yourself.' 40 years of therapy and those 4 words still resonate with me." – ScottishWidow64

3. "You are not responsible for other people's happiness. You can contribute to it, but you are not ultimately responsible for someone else being happy or not." – Shot_Razzmatazz5560

happy, happiness, therapy, counsel, mental healthHappy Duck Dynasty GIF by DefyTVGiphy

4. "'Your thoughts are scarier than the real thing.'" – NewsgramLady

5. "Not everyone is going to like you." – Accomplished-Leg8461

6. "When we are growing and developing, the animal part of our brain that ensures our survival is hard wired to tune into our protectors. Parental disapproval stokes fear of death, basically. That is why I absolutely panic when someone is angry with me. That helped me break that circuit and rewire my brain." – SueBeee

7. "Give yourself permission. When you have a permission slip, it makes it physically easier to do what you need to do for yourself and let go of feelings that get in the way. She literally made me get out sticky notes and write things like: 'I give myself permission to let go of guilt. I give myself permission to have the wedding I want. I give myself permission to not be responsible for my mother.'" – iris_cat1313


Permission, therapy, notes, mental health, therapisttv land permission GIF by YoungerTVGiphy

8. "'Analyzing and researching are also avoidance tactics to avoid feeling.'" – Gallumbits42

9. "I was struggling with trying to 'save' my adult daughter dealing with substance use disorder. I was allowing her to live with me and she wasn’t working or improving. I was reluctant (read codependent) to let her go and kick her out because maybe she’d be homeless. Maybe her life would get worse. After months of this, my therapist looked at me in the eye and said: 'Who made you god? Why do you think you have the power to save her?' And that’s when it hit me. I had no control over the situation. I had to let her go. I kicked her out in 2023. Today she’s doing well. Sober, working and heading back to college. ❤️" – YellowFirestorm

10. "As my ex was gaslighting, insulting me, being an all around terrible person to me saying the most awful things about me to me and the kids my therapist told me, 'You can consider him an unreliable narrator.' That helped me with perspective." – ithinksotoomaybee

11. "After sharing some work updates and just needing a sounding board to see if I was overreacting or not: 'I’m going to take my therapist hat off for one second, that’s absolutely f*cked up, ok hat back on'." – Vrey

therapy, therapist, mental health, counseling, helpHbo Therapy GIF by SuccessionHBOGiphy

12. "After 2 months of marriage counseling my therapist said that things were not going to get better and that my husband was not a diamond in the rough he was a piece of coal and even if he wanted and participated in therapy he was never going to get well in this lifetime." – Puzzleheaded_Gear622

13. "After I broke up with my ex, he said 'Thank god, now you don't need therapy anymore'. Was literally our last session." – Aggravating_Pick_951

14. "Regarding looking for love from certain family members, she said, 'It's like a child going to the pantry looking for food, but they're isn't any. It's okay for that child to keep going back to that same pantry looking for food (even if there isn't any) because they don't know any better. But now that you're grown, you may need to accept that there will never be food in that pantry. You need to look for a different pantry.'" – MikeOxmaul

Empty pantry, advice, therapy, therapist, helpHungry Thanksgiving GIF by Looney TunesGiphy

15. "'So you're an orphan.' (Both parents had died by my age of 46)." – AGPym

16. "That sometimes we feel guilt or anger when the real feeling is helplessness. Sometimes it's easier to feel like we failed instead of realizing we had no power over it at all." – OhNever_Mind

17. "'These are feelings, not facts.'" – SweetSweet_Jane


feelings, facts, therapist, therapy, counselFeelings Feels GIF by WE tvGiphy

18. "'Their intent nor if they are consciously choosing to hurt you is what matters. Are they hurting you? Do you want it to continue? That is what matters.'" – Sarkasmic_Trix

19. "'Enabling can sometimes disguise itself as good intentions.'" – naughtytinytina

20. "When discussing past drug use, we talked about how I maintained sobriety throughout both pregnancies. She asked why, nobody forced me to. I said it was the right thing to do. Then she says 'if you can do the right thing for others, why can’t you do it for yourself?' Good question, Casey. Been thinking about that one a lot, even now. It’s helped me work on my self destructive behaviors, helped me prioritize my own needs, and helped me maintain my sobriety now." – Pure_Preference_5773

sobriety, mental health, therapy, therapist, advice, counselSobriety GIF by Lady GagaGiphy

21. "Two things: 'I think it’s time you talk to your doctor'. (my situational depression was progressing to a point of no return, and it was time to be medicated. I went to my doctor that day. My therapist saved my life). 'You’re going to be OK.' She said it so calmly and with such confidence. I believed her. And she was right." – Numerous_Office_4671

22. "'You get to define what "family" means.'" – TrueBelievingMoron

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Health

6 tips for a successful and satisfying Dry January

More and more young people are planning to ring in the new year by cutting out alcohol for a month.

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Millions if Americans will be toasting the new year without alcohol.

The Dry January challenge as we know it has around since the early 2000s, but the idea of taking a break from alcohol the first month of the year actually has its roots in World War II. To save resources, the Finnish government initiated “Raitis Januar,” or Sober January, in 1942, encouraging people to stop drinking alcohol entirely for at least that one month.

The modern Dry January has become more and more popular as people recognize the health benefits of abstaining from alcohol and acknowledge the impulse to cut back after the indulgent holidays. According to the American Association for Cancer Research, 19% of millennials, 14% of Gen Xers 12% of baby boomers say they plan to participate in Dry January 2024. That's about 31 million Americans.

Some people find it easy to stop drinking for a month, while others find it more challenging. If you're going to try to have a Dry January, here are some tips for a successful and satisfying month.

Get clear on your 'why' and remind yourself of it often.

If you've decided to try Dry January, there must be a reason. Maybe you're on a mission to take better care of your body. Maybe you're questioning your relationship with alcohol. Maybe you feel like it's a good self-discipline exercise. Maybe you read the WHO statement that no amount of alcohol can be considered safe or healthy.

Whatever your "why" is, keep it front and center in your mind—maybe even write it down someplace—so that you can call on it if or when you're tempted to drink.

Find some yummy substitutes for your favorite drinks.

When you're trying to cut something out, it can be helpful to have something to replace it with. Decide ahead of time what you're going to order in a restaurant instead of wine or a beer. Lots of establishments offer non-alcoholic alternatives to those things, but you might also just choose a favorite soda or even just water. It's just good to go in with a plan, rather than relying on whatever sounds good in the moment because what sounds good in the moment will likely be the alcohol drink you'd normally get.

You might even decide to treat yourself to a yummy mocktail so that you don't feel like you're missing out on the festive element of drinking. Mocktails have grown in popularity so it's not an unusual request.

Read other people’s success stories.

Sometimes a little inspiration can be helpful, so reading about other people who've successfully completed a Dry January can help.There are plenty of success stories from people who have done Dry January at least once, but many who have done it each year. Testimonials like these ones from a Reddit thread can help keep you going:

"It was worth it. It was an effort to drink less, lose weight, sleep better. I lost 4 lbs, slept better, and generally had more energy and focus in the morning."

"I’ve done it the past few years and love it. Honestly the hard part is the social side and less the alcohol side. I love a beer or a whiskey when hanging but the value of a clear head in the morning is increasing with my age. I find a reset helps me temper how much I drink in general. Like, the casual couch drink on a Tuesday goes away for a while after Jan. since it’s pretty worthless."

Track how you feel (especially after the first week, which might suck).

One of the things people who complete Dry January often share is how much better they physically feel. Better sleep, less grogginess, more energy, better digestion, lowered blood pressure, weight loss and more are commonly reported. Some people experience these benefits right away, but for someit might take a bit to feel those benefits as your body adjusts to not processing alcohol. Stick with it and pay attention to how your body and brain feel without it as you go through the month.

(A word of warning: Alcohol Withdrawal Syndrome can occur in heavy drinkers who stop suddenly and can be dangerous, so watch for symptoms that are concerning. According to Harvard Health, mild withdrawal symptoms include anxiety, shaky hands, headache, nausea, vomiting, sweating, and insomnia. Severe symptoms can include hallucinations, delirium, racing heart rate, and fever, and often occur within two or three days after you stop drinking. Seek medical assistance immediately if you experience symptoms of alcohol withdrawal.)


Make it a group effort.

You can go through Dry January alone, but you probably don't have to. Who among your friends and family might want to do it with you? Even if you find just a couple of people who agree to support you, that can make a big difference in how you feel about the challenge. Not drinking for a whole month can be hard if alcohol is a regular part of your life, especially your social life. Ask for help from your loved ones to provide non-alcoholic alternatives and not to put any pressure on you to drink, and if anyone is available and willing to do it with you, all the better.

If you slip up, don’t quit, just pick back up the next day.

The beauty of sobriety is that it truly is a daily (or hourly, or minute-by-minute) choice, so if you do find yourself with a drink in your hand, you haven't ruined anything. Just pick it back up the next day and move forward. No need to beat yourself up. No need to give up completely.

For some people, Dry January is a welcome break for overall wellness. Others find it eye-opening when it's a lot harder than they anticipated and use it as a wake-up call that leads to life-changing—and in some cases, life-saving—shifts in alcohol use.

Dry January may not be everyone's cup of tea, but it can be a great tool to throw into your health and wellness toolbox if you're up for it.

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Pop Culture

Matthew Perry beautifully shared how he wanted to be remembered a year before his death

"When I die, I don't want 'Friends' to be the first thing that's mentioned."

Q With Tom Power/Youtube, Wikipedia

Matthew Perry died unexpected on Oct 28

In the wake of Matthew Perry’s sudden death by apparent drowning on Oct 28, heartfelt tributes have been rolling in commemorating the actor for his iconic comedy roles—primarily his beloved character of Chandler Bing on the quintessential millennial sitcom “Friends.”

And while his charming, sardonic onscreen persona brought endless amounts of joy for fans, he would tell it wasn’t his biggest accomplishment. In fact, none of his acting roles were.

A year prior to his death, Perry had released his memoir, “Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing,” where he opened up about his decades long sobriety journey from opioid addiction.

While promoting the book on the “Q with Tom Power” podcast, Perry revealed what he actually hoped would be his lasting legacy.

“I’ve had a lot of ups and downs in my life but the best thing about me, bar none, is that if an alcoholic or drug addict comes up to me and says, ‘Will you help me?’ I will always say ‘Yes, I know how to do that. I will do that for you, even if I can’t always do it for myself.’ So I do that, whenever I can. In groups, or one on one,” he told Power.

“I would like to be remembered as somebody who lived well, loved well, was a seeker. And [my] paramount thing is that [I] want to help people…” the actor continued, adding that his call to be of service led him to creating the Perry House in Malibu, a sober-living facility for men as well as his play, “The End of Longing,” written as a “personal message” to those struggling with addiction, or those who love someone with addiction.

And though Perry prioritized these contributions over his career, he was also a consummate realist…with a sense of humor.


“When I die, I know people will talk about Friends, Friends, Friends. And I’m glad of that, happy I’ve done some solid work as an actor, as well as given people multiple chances to make fun of my struggles on the world wide web…But when I die, as far as my so-called accomplishments go, it would be nice if Friends were listed far behind the things I did to try to help other people. I know it won’t happen, but it would be nice,” he said.

Following Perry’s passing at the age of 54, this powerful interview began making the rounds on social media once again, with countless fans noting how his words will indeed help those on the road to recovery.

Here is just a small sampling of what folks are saying:

“Rest in peace Matthew Perry. I'm sure your book will help countless other addicts and their families. We will miss your honesty, humbleness, and humor.”

“From an Irish family, full of drinking, arguments, death, I am so desperately sorry that MP has come to an early end. My son is recovering, I have sent this to him. Thank you. RIP Matthew Perry.”

“RIP. Your ability to voice how an addict feels, how their brain works, and what that means for them has helped me as I’ve processed alcoholic family members and friends’ lives. Thank you for bringing light to this.”

“His transparency and harsh honesty here about his addiction will stick with me forever. It's not easy. RIP brother.”

These are the lessons we all come to learn one way or another. One, that the human heart doesn’t necessarily measure success by fame or fortune, but by how we were able to make an impact for others. And two, that opening up about our struggles just might be the very thing to help us, all of us, heal.

Thank Matthew. For the laughs and for the honesty.

If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, please contact the SAMHSA helpline at 1-800-662-HELP.

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All hail the mocktail: Growing demand makes non-alcoholic socializing a lot more fun

Sober bars and events are growing in popularity with delicious, grown-up alternatives to alcohol.

Photo by Blake Wisz on Unsplash

Non-alcoholic drinks go way beyond club sodas and Shirley Temples.

For as long as there's been alcohol, there have been people who don't drink it. Some don't care for the taste, some don't like the buzz, some have religious prohibitions against it and some are recovering addicts who need to avoid it altogether.

Whatever reasons people have for not drinking, there's an unspoken attitude by some that they're missing out on a key part of social culture, especially when countless movies and TV shows portrays people winding down (or wooing one another) with wine and bonding over beers at bars. There's an air of camaraderie over sharing a cocktail or clinking champagne flutes together that's hard to capture with a basic Coke or sparkling water.

But what if you want that fun, social atmosphere without the alcohol? What if you want to go out and have fancy, alcohol-free drinks with your friends at night without being surrounded by drunk people? Where do you go for that?

Big cities like New York and Los Angeles have seen non-alcoholic options increasing on menus for a while, but the trend has spread to smaller cities and expanded to full bars, pop-up events and retail shops dedicated to sober drinking.

In fact, the Mindful Drinking Fest held on January 21 in Washington D.C. was sold out, as over 300 attendees sampled all manner of non-alcoholic beers, wines and mixed drinks. One of the event's organizers, award-winning bartender Derek Brown, told NPR that not drinking isn't actually new. Early bartending manuals all included plenty of non-alcoholic drinks, but post-Prohibition, the temperance movement took a hit. "People stopped treating people who don't drink alcohol like adults," he said.

Now temperance appears to be making a comeback with the younger generations of adults. A 2016 Heineken survey discovered that 75% of Millennials purposefully limited their alcohol intake on nights out, and Gen Zers across high-income Western nations are reportedly drinking far less than their elders. According to The Conversation, there's a handful of reasons younger folks are far more "sober curious" than their parents were, including a sense of responsibility about their futures, greater consciousness about wellness, a better understanding of the health risks of even small amounts of alcohol and shifting attitudes about what's cool.

But young folks aren't the only ones hopping on the sobriety train. Even as the pandemic saw a spike in heavy drinking, it also caused a lot of people to examine their relationship with alcohol. With annual traditions like "Dry January" and "Sober October" growing in popularity, people are at least trying out the alcohol-free life for a while—what Brown refers to as an "alcoholiday."

This growing demand for alternatives to alcohol is driving alcohol-free establishments with clever names such as Absence of Proof, Sans Bar, Spirited Away and more to pop up all over the place. And we're not just talking about Shirley Temples or virgin daiquiris here. Today's alcohol-free mixed drinks are far more sophisticated, with new distilled spirits, bitters, and other ingredients creating complex flavors without a sickeningly high sugar content.

Abby Ehmann owned a regular bar in New York and enjoyed her regular customers, but also saw the devasting impacts alcohol had on some of her patrons. So she opened a sober bar named Hekate in 2022. "I wanted to create that sort of vibe and community for people, but take alcohol out of the equation," she told NBC News. "Here we have the community and the vibe without the booze."

The culture around drinking is slowly but surely changing, and the success of events like the Mindful Drinking Fest and sober bars seems to be proving that alcohol isn't the necessary social lubricant many believe it to be.

As Brown told NPR, "All the positive emotions we associate with alcohol—they come from just being with people and tasting delicious, wonderful things," he said. "You don't really need alcohol."

Cheers to that.

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