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Here's why you're probably waking up right at 3 or 4 in the morning and how to make it stop

It happens to just about everyone.

via Polina Kovaleva/Pexels

A woman with her eye mask on in bed.

Do you often wake up at 3 or 4 a.m. with an intense feeling of anxiety? Do you get stressed that you’re awake and begin making a mental laundry list of everything you need to do the next day? Do you start thinking about fights you once had with your spouse or ponder how you have let yourself down in the past?

If so, you’re not alone. It’s common for people to wake up at 3 or 4 a.m. regularly and there’s a reason why we choose this time to catastrophize and worry. The good news is that there are some steps we can take to get through that awkward phase of the night so we can wake up refreshed.

Why do I wake up at 3 or 4 a.m. every night?

Many of us reliably wake up in the middle of the night because after we’ve had a good chunk of sleep, our bodies start to slowly prepare us for the day by reducing melatonin, the hormone that puts us to sleep and increasing levels of cortisol, the stress hormone.

That biological phase of sleep is why we start to feel stressed.

sleep, nightmares, cortisole A woman wakes up in the middle of the nightvia Oscar Calstrom/Pexels

After the big hormone release at 3 or 4 in the morning, if you are dealing with stress in your life, you are more likely to wake up. If your life is calmer and you don’t already have a stress baseline, you will probably wake up, fall asleep quickly and forget that it happened.

Why do I wake up feeling stressed in the middle of the night?

If you’re already experiencing stress in your life, that extra cortisol kick is going to cause you to wake up with a feeling of anxiety. The problem is that when we’re lying in bed in the middle of the night, we are in a vulnerable position. “Around this time in the sleep cycle, we’re at our lowest ebb physically and cognitively. From nature’s viewpoint, this is meant to be a time of physical and emotional recovery, so it’s understandable that our internal resources are low,” Greg Murray, a psychology researcher with expertise in mood, sleep, and the circadian system, writes in The Conversation.

“But we also lack other resources in the middle of the night – social connections, cultural assets, all the coping skills of an adult are unavailable at this time,” Murray continues. “With none of our human skills and capital, we are left alone in the dark with our thoughts. So the mind is partly right when it concludes the problems it’s generated are unsolvable – at 3 a.m., most problems literally would be.”


At this moment, when we’re stressed and feeling vulnerable, stuck in bed with no way out, we can begin to spiral. This is when we ruminate on why we forgot to feed the dog that one day in 1994 or contemplate why things went bad with your first significant other at 21. It’s when we start recalling a disagreement with a friend and plotting out what we’ll say the next time the issue arises.

At this point, if we don’t stop spiraling, we’ll be up until 5 a.m. and will feel like garbage when it’s time to go to work.

The good news is that there are ways to get back to sleep and stop the downward anxiety spiral.

Make a list

Dr. Jade Wu says that if you wake up and feel stressed about things you need to take care of, walk out of your room (so you don’t associate it with stressors) and make a list to read in the morning. This will free you of your worries, because you know you can care for them when you are awake.

Pay attention to your breath

Murray says you should redirect your attention from your thoughts to your breath, which is a form of meditation. “I bring my attention to my senses, specifically the sound of my breath. When I notice thoughts arising, I gently bring my attention back to the sound of breathing,” Murray writes in The Conversation. This works in 2 ways: first, it takes your attention away from your spiraling thoughts and second, the breathing exercise helps you relax.

Have a bite to eat

Sometimes, we wake up in the middle of the night because we’re hungry and our blood sugar is dropping. “The first question I ask [my patients] is, ‘When was the last time you ate?’” Michael Breus, Ph.D. psychologist specializing in sleep disorders, told Sleep.com. “Often, they’ve finished their last meal at 7 p.m.; now it’s 3 in the morning — that’s eight hours later — so guess what? They’re out of fuel.” If you’ve woken up because of a drop in blood sugar, experts recommend eating a small snack that includes protein and fat, like peanut butter.

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Popular

People swear by these 13 easy techniques they use to fall asleep fast

Which one will work for you?

via Canva

A woman sound asleep.

If you’re having trouble sleeping, you’re not alone. A study from 2020 found that 14.5% of adults had trouble falling asleep most days. More than a third of Americans report getting less than 7 hours of sleep over 24 hours and 13.5% say they feel exhausted most days.

When you get a bad night’s sleep, you feel terrible the next day, but that’s just half the problem. Sleep deficiency is linked to heart disease, kidney disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, stroke, obesity and depression.

To help people get a better night’s rest, a Redditor named AdOld2060 asked the AskReddit subforum, “What’s your secret to falling asleep quickly?” They received over 100 responses, with people sharing their methods to fall asleep at night.

The responses ranged from a military hack to a detailed visualization that the Redditor claims helps them fall asleep in minutes. The cool thing is that many techniques were varied, so if one doesn’t work for you, the next one could.


How to fall asleep fast

Here are 13 of the best responses to the question: What’s your secret to falling asleep quickly?

1. The military method

1. Relax your entire face, including the muscles inside your mouth.
2. Drop your shoulders to release the tension and let your hands drop to the side of your body.
3. Exhale, relaxing your chest.
4. Relax your legs, thighs, and calves.
5. Clear your mind for 10 seconds by imagining a relaxing scene.
6. If this doesn’t work, try saying the words “don’t think” over and over for 10 seconds.
7. Within 10 seconds, you should fall asleep!

2. ASMR

"I love falling asleep to those asmr live streams on TikTok."

3. Relax your head and shoulders

"Intentionally relaxing my head and shoulders. Get all snuggly in the blankets, release that tension and melt into the pillow. Zzzzzz."

4. Meditation

"I meditate and breathe deeply to relax before sleeping."

"Deep breathing works well for me. Also, weirdly, if I start thinking about something like the logistics of moving 20 people into my house I drift off easily."



5. Melatonin

"Your body creates melatonin on its own. The stuff they sell is just a supplement and gives you a little bump of it before bedtime."

6. Extreme stillness

"I don’t allow myself to move around. Once I lay down I get comfortable and then stop moving. I don’t scratch an itch. I don’t move at all. I just lay there and daydream. If I start moving around, I will never sleep! But if I make myself lay perfectly still I fall asleep."

7. Reading

"I read until I can't remember the sentence I just read...but if the book is too good it is counterproductive."

How to fall asleep quickly

8. A boat visualization

"I have something that I came up with that usually works for me. I get myself comfortable, laying on my back, arms by my sides, close my eyes and imagine I'm in a small boat on a wide expanse of calm ocean with sunshine and clear blue skies. I imagine the boat is rocking gently and the sun is shining down on me. I just lie there for a couple of minutes enjoying the quiet, the warmth and the rocking motion and I usually drift off to sleep quickly. Admittedly I think I have a really good imagination , which helps, but it works for me."



9. Count to 100

"Relax everything, and just count to 100. If I reach 100, then I start going back to 0 and so forth. Very rarely do I make it to 100 and back to 0. I usually fall asleep before I get to 100."

10. Slow breaths

"I can fall asleep anywhere, anytime, regardless of the environment, if I choose to. I start taking really long, slow, intentional breaths. Inhale as slow, long, and deep as possible, filling my lungs to max capacity. Exhale the same way. By the third or fourth breath, I’m out."

11. Cognitive shuffle

"I saw it on reddit about 9 months ago and its been working really well for me, its called Cognitive Shuffle. There are multiple ways to do it, but basically, you think of something random and boring like 'dog' or 'car,' then picture it in your mind for a few seconds, then shift to some other random word and picture that. Another way to do it is to pick a word and come up with 5 random words for each letter and try to picture each one before moving to the next. By the 4th or 5th random word you can feel your self switching off and if you keep at out you'll be out soon. I've ALWAYS had trouble turning my brain off when its time to sleep and this method has worked wonders for me."

12. Fantaszie

"I get really involved in detailed non-sexual fantasies, space travel, superhero powers that type of thing. Out like a light."

13. A regular schedule

"Disciplined bedtimes. I found that if I force myself to sleep within a certain point almost every day I will automatically feel tired by that time. 10pm is my sweet spot. I get 9 hrs nearly every day. If I stay up it’s still at least 7 hrs."









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Health

Why people are longing for the old Scottish habit of 'hurkle-durkling' to finally get good rest

You might have already hurkle-durkled this week.

Representative Image from Canva

Wondering where she got that rested glow? She hurkle-durkled.

Hurkle-durkle might be the silliest word ever, but it could be the missing step in your self-care.

Hurkle-durkling simply means to linger in bed long past the time when you “should” already be up. It’s a Scottish term dating back to the 1800s—-originally having more to do with sitting in a crouching position either for warmth or secrecy, but eventually taking on a more relaxed and positive connotation.

It’s a word that only the biggest etymology enthusiast would know, had it not been plucked from obscurity thanks to TikTok.

The viral trend seems to have started with actress Kira Kosarin sharing it as her “word of the day,” joking that “I do be hurkling, and I do be durkling and once I’ve hurkled my last durkle in a given morning I will get up, but I’m a big fan of a hurkle-durkle.”

@kirakosarin

hurkle-durkle, u deserve it <3

♬ original sound - Kira Kosarin

Kosarin’s clip prompted others to share videos of themselves enjoying a good hurkle-durkling, blissfully wrapped in their sheets, basking in the sunlight, leisurely reading, etc.

One woman hailing from Scotland even joked, “[The Scottish] knew it was so critical to well-being they made a whole term about it. So no I’m not being lazy or wasting my life. I’m practicing an ancestral right of passage. I’m connecting with my culture and heritage.”

At this point you might be thinking, wait, isn’t this just bed-rotting?

Bed-rotting, another TikTok trend about lying in bed, and hurkle-durkling are similar, but have very different contexts. Bed-rotting has more to do with symptoms of burnout and fatigue, whereas hurkle-durkling is a bit more hygge, if you will. It’s seen as a pleasurable activity meant to promote rest for overall well being. Plus a hurkle-durkle has an end in sight, whereas bedrotting can take up an entire weekend, or longer.

And now matter how silly hurkle-durkle sounds, it could be seriously good for us. Research has shown that sleeping in, even a couple days a week, reduce the chances of a heart attack or stroke by 63%, especially for folks who get less than 6 hours of sleep through the rest of the week. (So, everyone, basically). Not only that, but getting those few extra minutes of shut-eye from hitting the snooze can help increase alertness and boost our mood.

Really, as with any self care practice, balance is key. Experts warn against staying in bed as an everyday practice or to avoid responsibilities an uncomfortable feelings, especially as too much inactivity can worsen feelings of depression. But when done mindfully and moderately, it can be the rejuvenation we long for, that so many of us don’t grant ourselves.

In fact, Kristin Wilson, a licensed professional counselor and chief experience officer, told Yahoo Life that perhaps so many people are leaning into silly, catchy terms like hurkle-durkle because they make rest and self-care, activities many Americans "are hesitant to celebrate and fully embrace,” more accessible.

"Sometimes our bodies just need a break, and we don’t want to feel guilty about taking time to rest," she explained. "Giving this behavior a clever social media name can make it feel more socially acceptable and when it trends and becomes popular, it normalizes the need for relaxation within the community of followers."

So with that, show yourself some love with a little hurkle-durkle. It’s fun to say, and oh so important to do.


This article originally appeared on 2.20.24

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Health

Waking up at 3 am every night? Here's how to stop freaking out so you can fall back to sleep.

There's a trick to falling asleep before you start spiraling.

Photo credit: Canva

A woman waking up at 3 a.m.

Just about everyone regularly wakes up at 3 or 4 in the morning, although most of the time, we fall back to sleep without realizing it. However, there are the dreaded nights when, after a few minutes, you can’t get back to sleep and start to get super stressed.

After a few wakeful minutes, you begin to fear that you’ll never fall back asleep, and the next day at work will be downright miserable. You’ll walk through the day like a zombie, nodding off at lunchtime and unable to keep your eyes open on the commute home.

Once the can’t-sleep stress kicks in, your mind begins to wander back to when you were in high school and you said the wrong thing to someone you had a crush on. Or, you start to ruminate on your last fight with a coworker or freak out about whether you remembered to turn on the dishwasher before bed.

Fiona Barwick, PhD, director of the Sleep & Circadian Health Program at Stanford University School of Medicine, says we should stop feeling anxious when we have these 3 am wake-ups because it will only worsen the situation.

“What usually happens is that we focus our attention and effort on actively trying to get back to sleep,” Dr. Barwick says. But unfortunately, “That practically guarantees you will stay awake longer,” she told Self.

sleeping, sleep stress, sleep tipsA man sleeping at night.via Shane/Unsplash

How to fall asleep when you wake up at 3 or 4 a.m.

Dr. Barwick says that understanding why we are catastrophizing at 3 a.m. can help us fall back asleep more easily. The critical thing to remember is that when we emerge from sleep early in the morning, our frontal lobe is shut off, which plays a big part in regulating emotions. Further, our brains are primarily working out of the amygdala, which produces feelings of fear and anxiety.

Therefore, if we wake up at 4 a.m. and start stressing out, we should just say to ourselves, “It’s okay. Your brain isn’t completely turned on, and you’re overreacting." This can help you calm down and let your sleep drive kick in so you can fall back into dreamland.

Why do I wake up at 3 or 4 a.m. every morning?

If you feel like you wake up every morning at 3 or 4 a.m., you’re not alone. There’s a biological reason why it’s so common. After a good chunk of sleep of 5 hours or so, our body starts to reduce its production of melatonin, the hormone that puts us to sleep. It also begins to ramp up the production of cortisol, the stress hormone that helps wake us up.

If you wake up during this process, your body is flooded with stress hormones and the part of your brain that is supposed to regulate your emotions is turned off. Sounds like a recipe for disaster, right?

But now, when you find yourself in that situation, you know to think, “It’s okay. I’m being pumped full of stress hormones, and I don’t have the brainpower to fight it off. It’s no big deal.” Hopefully, at that point, you remain calm and fall back to sleep.

sleep, sleep tips, sleep adviceA woman waking up.via Kinga Howard/Unsplash

If you still have difficulty calming down and can’t stop stressing out over sleep. In that case, Greg Murray, a psychology researcher with expertise in mood, sleep, and the circadian system, recommends an easy breathing exercise. “I bring my attention to my senses, specifically the sound of my breath. When I notice thoughts arising, I gently bring my attention back to the sound of breathing,” Murray writes in The Conversation.

Dr. Debasish Mridha, a physician known for his work in neurology, once said, “The best remedy for fear is to gain knowledge.” Hopefully, now that we know why we feel so stressed when we wake up at 3 am, we can let go of fear and fall back into blissful sleep.

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