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10 people share the 'perfect' thing to say when you see your spouse naked and it's adorable

"Hey you’re wearing my favorite outfit again.”

Darren Welsh/Unsplash

I think most people in longterm relationships eventually reach a point where seeing your partner step out of the shower doesn't really register for you. There becomes a "normal every day" nudity — changing clothes, bathing, etc. — that is not inherently sexual and therefore no longer warrants celebration.

Unfortunately, that sucks! No one wants to be ogled 24/7 when they're just trying to exist, but at the same time, no one wants to feel like they're invisible to their partner. It's a fine line, and it's easy to see why longterm spouses can lose sight of each other over time and stop appreciating the attraction that initially drew them together.

One guy took to Reddit with this exact conundrum: "My wife is upset that I don't say anything to compliment her when i see her naked, and thinks im not attracted to her even though i am," the user wrote.

He then asked for suggestions on what a husband might say in a situation like this, and the guys and gals of AskMen had thoughts. Here are some of the best responses:

two grey fruits Photo by Nik on Unsplash

The suggestions ranged from the funny or corny...

My husband says “Hey you’re wearing my favorite outfit again” and 12 years later I still blush lol - Impressive_Bat3090

(Side note: I'm stealing this one.)

"You know at the beginning of 'Saving Private Ryan' where Tom Hanks gets an explosive right next to him and he is just trying to focus and there is that high pitched hum and slowly he realises that someone is trying to communicate with him and the humming slowly goes away and he kinda snaps out of it? - Yeah, that's what happens when you walk out naked" -
Tacozy

maybe a 'Dayummmmm' , another user added.

... to the simple yet effective.

I always stop and stare. No matter what I was doing, or about to do. If she takes off her clothes. I stop and stare with a big ass dumb grin on my face. She loves it. ... Also, I can hear when she is finished with the shower. I always manage to just walk in at the right time. ... I will say “WELL HELLO!” - Tollin74

I always say "my god... i'm so lucky!" - Lehvinn

Stare for a bit with a big ol smile. When she asks what you're doing say something along the lines of, "just enjoying the view" Before you walk away - Rexis717

I can also just stop whatever I'm doing drop my jaw and go "wow", "well hello sexy" or whatever else comes to my mind (which usually isn't much at these moments, but that doesn't seem to hurt). I will find my own way of telling her I can't focus when she's naked. Felt like a cave man who can't control his urges doing some of these things in the beginning, but once I noticed that she really enjoys it and that it makes her feel beautiful.. I'm all on board. She deserves feeling every bit like the queen she is in my eyes and more. - onehandedbraunlocker

And some people's stories of how much a little appreciation means to them absolutely blew me away.

My man out of nowhere, whether I’m naked or not, will grab me at random moments and kiss me properly and then hold my face, look in to my eyes and say something like ‘my god you’re a beautiful woman. … we are mid 50s and together many years. What do you love about her physically ? Tell her that. It doesn’t have to be overtly sexual, she’s seeking reassurance and validation. - whatpelican00

My guy just consistently gets happy when I'm naked. He voices his appreciation, sometimes with a dirty word, sometimes with a sweet one, and sometimes he comes closer to touch me. It really makes me feel good about myself. ... It's all about being joyful and sharing the love. - TourquoiseTortoise

And just in case you thought you'd get through this thread without at least one tear-jerker...

My husband intrudes on almost every shower or when I'm changing for a change to peek at skin. If he sees me naked or dressing, he's instantly trying every possible move and pick up line known to man. I feel like if he sees shoulder skin or even an ankle he'll come at me. Sometimes it gets frustrating; but let me tell you. I know he wants me or at least is really good at pretending. We've been together 19 years and this man is still chasing. I have fluctuated massively in my weight having birthed 4 sons and 6 miscarriages. Anywhere from 245 my heaviest to 129 my lightest. Didn't matter, one bit... I could be 600 pounds. This man makes sure to always tell me I'm beautiful and makes me feel so loved and wanted. - queensfanobs81

Experts say it's common for couples to begin taking each other for granted after a while, but it can be combatted with small gestures and a little effort.

round yellow fruit Photo by charlesdeluvio on Unsplash

"When have seen your partner naked or in nice underwear for thousands of times, you tend to not pay as much attention to it as you might should be, and the life puzzle makes it extra difficult to stop up and think 'Hey, I love the looks of my partner and they’re so darn attractive'" says Sofie Roos, a licensed sexologist and relationship therapist and writer with Passionerad.

It's also true that as our relationships grow and deepen far beyond physical attraction, which is a good thing, losing sight of our partner's beauty can be an unfortunate side effect. All of us want a look, a touch, a physical compliment every now and then just to be reminded that our partner hasn't forgotten — especially if you're just standing right there in plain sight!

Genuine, specific, and playful comments work best in these scenarios. Something like "You look beautiful," while well-meaning, is a bit of a platitude and can come across empty, even if you mean it. Try to get creative!

Sean O'Neill, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist recommends, "Instead of saying 'You look beautiful' you could say 'That dress doesn’t stand a chance against you' or 'I’m so glad only I get to see this,' playfully. The aim is to make your spouse feel uniquely valued."

And if your brain locks up and you feel awkward and can't think of anything, a playful "Nice butt," never hurt anyone.


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Identity

An open letter to men who will have sex with me but won't date me

"It's one thing if you're not into fat women — everyone has their preferences — but if you want to have sex with us without being seen in public with us, that's emotionally abusive."


Many years before I got together with my boyfriend, I had a sex thing with this guy that I thought was relationship material.

He not only had an amazing body but a great personality as well. I was honest when I met him that I was looking for something more than just sex, and he led me to believe that was what he wanted, too.

Between mind-blowing sex sessions, we ordered in, played video games, and watched movies — couple things but without the label. But when I tried to get him to go to a show or out to dinner with me, he refused. My frustration grew as the months went on, and one day I confronted him.

"Why don't we ever go anywhere?"

"We have everything we need here," he answered while simultaneously distracting me by caressing my shoulder blades.

"We actually don't," I said. "I'm hungry, let's check out that new Indian place around the corner."

"No! We might run into one of my buddies," he said, moving his body further away from me. The underlining meaning was clear — he couldn't take the chance that someone he knew would see him with me.

He needed to keep our relationship on the DL so that no one would ever suspect that he enjoyed spending time with me — a fat woman.

He was super fit, so obviously that's the kind of woman he wanted to be associated with, the kind he could be seen with at the Indian place.

When I realized he was ashamed of being seen with me, I felt as if I had been punched in the stomach — a place where much of my pain already resided.

To him, I was fuckable but not dateable. He dumped me soon after that conversation.

He did me a favor by not continuing to lead me on. Otherwise, I might still be trying to prove to him that I was worth any shit he might have gotten from other people. If I was still his secret shame, I might not have met my next boyfriend, so thanks, athletic asshole.

I had hoped that, in this age of body positivity, men would no longer need to hide their desires when it comes to fat women.

But I was wrong.

It's just a sad fact: Many men who are sexually attracted to fat women are ashamed of it.

They're OK with banging a fat girl, but they don't want to hang out with her — someone might judge them for it.

It's one thing if you're not into fat women — everyone has their preferences, and not every body type appeals to everyone. But if you find larger women hot and you want to have sex with them without being associated in public with them, that's emotionally abusive.

Everyone should have the freedom to express their desires openly (as long as there's consent from both parties). If you modify your behavior and wants to what you think will protect you from criticism and/or ridicule, then you need help because that kind of self-loathing will only grow until it has destroyed you.

Don't act like we're in a relationship if all you really want is to experience what sex with a fat woman is like.

I'll tell you what it's like: It's as amazing and fun as having sex with anyone who's into having sex with you. We don't have magic vaginas, and our breasts don't do any special tricks — well besides the usual, like feed or comfort people.

Fat women are just as hot and sexually gifted as women of other shapes, sizes, and abilities. Being fat doesn't mean we're so hungry for attention that we'll put our own needs aside and do whatever we can to rock your world.

If you're with someone who doesn't make you feel beautiful or who isn't proud to have you on their arm, you need to dump their ass.

Being alone is far better than compromising on what you deserve or being made to feel as if you're someone's big dirty secret.

You're not only dateable, you're lovable and worthy of being treated with respect and love.

I regret not standing up for myself when I discovered the athletic guy was only using me for sex. But at least I learned, as we all should learn, that I'm responsible for being my biggest advocate and to never accepting anything less than what I need.


This article was written by Christine Schoenwald and originally appeared on 06.29.18

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How 7 things that have nothing to do with rape perfectly illustrate the concept of consent.

Well this is all a very brilliant way to show what it's all about.

mage from Everyday Feminism, used with permission by creator Alli Kirkham.

There are many different scenarios where consent is necessary.



In 2013, Zerlina Maxwell ignited a firestorm of controversy when she strongly recommended we stop telling women how to not get raped.

Here are her words, from the transcript of her appearance on Sean Hannity's show:

"I don't think that we should be telling women anything. I think we should be telling men not to rape women and start the conversation there with prevention."

So essentially — instead of teaching women how to avoid rape, let's raise boys specifically not to rape.

There was a lot of ire raised from that idea. Maxwell was on the receiving end of a deluge of online harassment and scary threats because of her ideas, which is sadly common for outspoken women on the Internet.

People assumed it meant she was labeling all boys as potential rapists or that every man has a rape-monster he carries inside him unless we quell it from the beginning.

But the truth is most of the rapes women experience are perpetrated by people they know and trust. So fully educating boys during their formative years about what constitutes consent and why it's important to practice explicitly asking for consent could potentially eradicate a large swath of acquaintance rape. It's not a condemnation on their character or gender, but an extra set of tools to help young men approach sex without damaging themselves or anyone else.

news, campaigns, young men, cultural norms

Zerlina Maxwell is interviewed on "Hannity."

Image from “Hannity."

But what does teaching boys about consent really look like in action?

Well, there's the viral letter I wrote to my teen titled "Son, It's Okay If You Don't Get Laid Tonight" explaining his responsibility in the matter. I wanted to show by example that Maxwell's words weren't about shaming or blaming boys who'd done nothing wrong yet, but about giving them a road map to navigate their sexual encounters ahead.

There are also rape prevention campaigns on many college campuses, aiming to reach young men right at the heart of where acquaintance rape is so prevalent. Many men are welcoming these efforts.

And then there are creative endeavors to find the right metaphors and combination of words to get people to shake off their acceptance of cultural norms and see rape culture clearly.


This is brilliant:

consent, rape prevention, community, consent culture

A comic about different types of consent.

Image from Everyday Feminism, used with permission by creator Alli Kirkham.

There you have it. Seven comparisons that anyone can use to show how simple and logical the idea of consent really is. Consent culture is on its way because more and more people are sharing these ideas and getting people to think critically. How can we not share an idea whose time has come?

This article originally appeared on 06.27.15

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Study shows who's teaching girls about sex when school and parents won't

New research reveals an unintended side-effect of abstinence-only education.

Photo by Deon Black on Unsplash

For better or worse, pornography has never been easier to access. And with an increasing number of young people having their own phones and devices — which aren't always monitored — it makes sense that usage in that demographic would be on the rise.

Watching porn has typically been thought of as a boy thing. What's surprising is just how common it's becoming among girls.

A 2024 study showed that 60% of women ages 18-34 regularly watched porn, with a majority of those first starting when they were teenagers — or younger.

What's especially fascinating about the study is that it also examined relationships between porn use in women and the type of sex education those women received in school.

Young women who received abstinence-only education were actually more likely to watch porn.

a girl laying in bed with a cell phone Photo by Sixteen Miles Out on Unsplash

A large majority of the women surveyed who did use pornography cited it as a "source of sexuality learning, especially regarding sexual pleasure."

The study adds that the participants generally admitted porn wasn't the ideal place to learn, but sought it out anyway.

Whatever your attitude about porn, most people can probably agree — this development is not great!

Actress Jameela Jamil famously said, "Learning to have sex from porn is like learning how to drive from The Fast and Furious. A bloody horrendous idea."

But what other choice do young people have? Abstinence-only education gives very little, if any, information about the bare minimum of condoms, other contraception, and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). It preaches that abstaining from sex is the expected standard and the only solution to the risks inherent with sex.

It's easy to see why young people would be frustrated, and why they would go online looking for answers.

Sex education is still lacking at nearly every level. Including at home.

yellow banana fruit with condom on green textile Photo by charlesdeluvio on Unsplash

We have known for years (and years and years and years) that abstinence-only education isn't effective. It's been shown again and again not to delay young people having intercourse — and it's not effective at reducing teen pregnancies or STD's.

Worse, it leaves kids not knowing nearly enough about contraception, consent, and safe sex when they do choose to become active.

It's a stubborn approach that won't seem to go away despite the mounting evidence against it. (Its popularity comes and goes depending on who's in political power at the time and is still quite common throughout the United States.)

Even in some slightly more comprehensive sex education programs, however, the focus is still on risk-reduction and contraception. That's a decent start — but leaves young people frustrated with all the missing information.

"The findings suggest the need for comprehensive sexuality education that addresses essential topics, such as sexual pleasure and sexual script development, to cater to women’s diverse learning needs," the study's authors write, "ideally taught by parents or primary caregivers, but may be necessary for public education in the absence of parental instruction."

The idea of schools teaching information about sexual pleasure feels... weird. But if parents can't or won't do it, someone has to. And it can't be worse than having kids trying to imitate what they see on PornHub.

Public health experts Leslie Kantor and Laura Lindberg write, "Focusing on [risk-reduction] topics and measures overlooks many key aspects of young people’s current and future sexual lives, including the ability to form and maintain healthy relationships; the right to decide whether, when, and with whom to engage in sexual behavior; and the fact that sex should be pleasurable, to name just a few."

It's a little hard to imagine a world where public schools are allowed to go deep on topics like pleasure, sexual identity and preference, consent, and more. (They can't even give out Tylenol without written permission!) So until that day comes, parents have got to pick up the slack at home.

I know, the thought makes many of us want to curl up and die. But the benefits of going deeper into these, admittedly uncomfortable, topics with our kids are vast, including:

  • Lower rates of homophobia and bullying
  • Decreases in partner and dating violence
  • Reduced number of sexual partners
  • Increased contraceptive use
  • Improved sexual communication skills
And, just maybe, with better education, fewer young people would turn to porn to teach them about sex and pleasure.
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