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'Bridgerton' star Nicola Coughlan's pleas for fans to stop commenting on her body

Many celebrities have been taking a stand on receiving fan commentary about their weight. Nicola's hits a bit differently.

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Bridgerton actor Nicola Coughlan in 2021.

The internet, for all its many wondrous things, can also be a cesspool of body-shaming, both outright and insidious. We see this most persistently perhaps with celebrities, who take on the role of dissection subjects regarding their weight. Whether being deemed “too thin” or “too fat,” comments about a public figure’s weight seems acceptable to some, simply because they signed up to be in the spotlight. But our better judgment knows this is not the case.

Nicola Coughlan, who plays the plot pivotal role of Penelope Featherington on the hit Netflix show “Bridgerton,” is no stranger to being inundated with this type of harmful, completely unnecessary feedback from fans.

So much so, that she recently posted her own truly heartfelt plea to her Instagram, asking for people to stop commenting on her body. Though we've seen multiple celebrities justifiably speak out against this, it’s hard not to be moved by her words in a whole new way.

Coughlan began her post with both civility and directness. “Hello! So just a thing- if you have an opinion about my body please, please don’t share it with me.”

This was apparently after receiving messages every single day following her breakout role.

She continued:

“Most people are being nice and not trying to be offensive but I am just one real life human being and it’s really hard to take the weight of thousands of opinions on how you look being sent directly to you every day.”

Her approach reminds us of the very real people we are often damaging through projections of outdated beauty standards and downright unfounded opinions.

“Yellowjackets” star Melanie Lynskey had also recently been invaded by an influx of supposedly well-intentioned spectators since the hugely successful Showtime series premiered.


“Most egregious are the ‘I care about her health!!’ people,” Lynskey tweeted. “You don’t see me on my Peleton! You don’t see me running through the park with my child. Skinny does not always equal healthy.”

And of course, she’s not wrong. Despite our general assumptions, being thin is no real indication of a person’s health. And in some cases, it can reveal a risk for certain diseases. Even the formerly gold standard of measuring a healthy weight, the BMI, aka body mass index, is considered flawed today by experts.

Clearly, the only weight needing to be shed is our truly unhealthy relationship with outdated body expectations.

Coughlan knows that being a public figure often invites a public examination. “If you have an opinion about me that’s ok, I understand I’m on TV and that people will have things to think and say,” she wrote, with the caveat, “but I beg you not to send it to me directly.”

Certainly, Coughlan shouldn’t have to resort to begging. But here we are. And maybe this is how the message needs to be heard. When it’s so easy to leave thoughtless or downright toxic messages on social media, we need to be reminded how it affects the hearts of real people on the receiving end. Empathy online is just as important as it is IRL.

That’s what makes her plea a masterclass in grace. She speaks out without anger or accusation, though she could. Instead she comes from a place of compassion.

Coughlan ended her post by saying, “anyways here’s a pic of me in my hotel in NY about to go to SNL, it’s unrelated to this post but delighted with my hair in it.”


Even in a battle for boundaries, Coughlan’s never one to refrain from having a sense of humor (she did also star in the hilarious “Derry Girls”, after all). And, she wasn’t wrong about the hair.

Reading Coughlan’s post, I can’t help but wonder, if she was able to treat perfect strangers with so much respect and kindness, can we not return the favor?


This article originally appeared on 1.31.22

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All-boys school in Brooklyn encourages self-love through mirror affirmations

"What do I like about myself?" It's a simple question with a profound effect.

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Who wouldn't love learning like this?

Self-love is a skill, and learning how to develop it from an early age can make a world of difference.

And this is exactly what the students at Brooklyn’s Excellence Boys Charter School are learning each and every day—one hype up at a time.

Performing Arts teacher Ivan Marrero had the idea to let the boys try saying an affirmation to themselves in the mirror, starting with the phrase “One thing I like about myself is…” Basically, anything that made them happy was fair game.

One by one, each student went up and praised their reflection, commending their eyes, their smile, their strength, their ability to climb, you name it. Marrero posted the heartwarming video online, where it immediately went viral.

“It really showed the humility of our black and brown boys in a way that we don’t often see,” Principle Jaz Grant shared with Good Morning America. “As loving beings, loving themselves.” Granted explained that Excellence Boys serves 95% children of color.

“It is so important that our young black and brown boys know ‘you’re worthy, you are special, you are talented,’” from an early age, so that they’re “really ready to tackle and face the world,” he told GMA.

As it turns out, self-affirmations aren’t the only part of Excellence Boys’ confidence-boosting curriculum. Every morning, school faculty await the boys at the gate, where they take them to the cafeteria for morning motivation—basically a group hype-up.

In addition, each classroom is also named after a college or university. Grant stated that this strategy was specifically incorporated to “embed in our boys from day one that college is a place that they all have access to,” since many children of color “statistically fall to the bottom of the equity gap,” making it harder to pursue higher education. Each and every self-love ritual is designed to disrupt a prevailing narrative and set the boys on the path towards confidence and success.

Man, can you imagine a world where every kid learned how to engage in healthy self-talk? Where education touted not only hard work, but pure joy? Where school was not only a place to gain academic knowledge, but also learn crucial skills for emotional resiliency? The educators fighting to make that possibility a reality for young children are truly planting seeds for a brighter future for everyone.

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Women are celebrating 'self dating' using Miley Cyrus' 'Flowers' as their anthem

"When you're the boyfriend you've always wanted…"

@yourtorontolatina/TikTok, @justlikegilmoregirls/TikTok

Self-dating is one of TikTok's latest trends.

Miley Cyrus' official music video for her new single "Flowers" is less than two weeks old, and it's already racked up a whopping 108 million views on YouTube. The smash hit also broke Spotify's record for the most streams in a single week, knocking K-pop superband BTS and their hit song "Butter" out of the top spot.

There's a reason "Flowers" is making waves. It's not only a catchy tune, but an empowering one, especially for women who've been socialized to believe they need a significant other to make them happy.

While most post-break-up songs are filled with heartache and lament and perhaps a bit of resentment, "Flowers" takes a different tack. While Cyrus sings about not wanting a relationship to end, she ultimately realizes she can give herself what she wants from a partner and it's incredibly liberating.

The song has become an anthem for an already existing TikTok trend of women celebrating "self dating." Rather than waiting around for someone to ask them out, women are taking themselves out—to coffee, to dinner, to bookstores, to the movies—showering themselves with love and attention and enjoying their own company.

For instance, this woman did the "date night challenge," which involves having your date blindly choose between two activities written on cards, but she did it for herself.

@justlikegilmoregirls

Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do #barnesandnoble #readersunite #bookwormsoftiktok #bookdate #romancebookstiktok

Another woman demonstrated the connection between "Flowers" and Bruno Mars' "When I Was Your Man," showing how the former song appears to be a direct response to the latter. (And her caption, "Dating yourself is top tier," hit home for a lot of women, as did "When you're the boyfriend you've always wanted.")

@yourtorontolatina

Visit TikTok to discover videos!

Some TikTok users have made self-dating into an art, sharing their whys and hows with other women.

@desireefiggins

#fyp #datejar #selflove #selfcare #dateyourself

This woman even committed to only self-dating for an entire year. She shared how she did it and what she learned about herself in the process. "Treat yourself exactly how you'd treat a partner," she shared. Excellent advice for us all.

@zabby1

Replying to @faithyyy this pretty much sums it all up! Treat yourself exactly how’d you treat a partner 🤎

As someone who has been happily married for two decades, I can attest that self-dating isn't just for singles. Self-care is empowering no matter your relationship status, and taking deliberate time to get to know yourself and give yourself what you know you need may even make you a better partner.

@bryntaponn

10/10 highly recomend. #fyp #mileycyrusflowers #selflove #selfdateideas

Having a special someone can be wonderfully fulfilling, but the idea that we need someone else to make us feel fulfilled is problematic in all kinds of ways. In my experience, the more healthy, happy and whole we are on our own, the more we are able to contribute to a relationship. So whether we're single or attached, regularly treating ourselves to a self-dating routine is a win-win for us and for whoever we may eventually end up with—even if that person is simply ourselves.

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Culture

Lizzo responded to the criticism over her thong dress with a message of self love

Even though 68% of women in America where size 14 or above, plus sized women tend to draw more heat for the outfits that they wear, especially if those outfits are even remotely racy. Earlier this week, Lizzo was spotted at a LA Lakers game wearing the dress heard round the internet. Dubbed the "thong dress," Lizzo's t-shirt dress was straightforward in the front, but the back featured cutouts featuring her thong and fishnet stockings.

During the game, Lizzo twerked when the Laker Girls danced to her song "Juice," giving the crowd a full view of her ensemble.

Lizzo TWERKS IN THONG For LeBron, & Karl Anthony Towns At Staples Center #Lizzo #LeBron #TruthHurtsyoutu.be


Some people were critical of Lizzo's choice of outfit, calling it unsanitary at best, and wildly inappropriate at medium-worst.





RELATED: A plus-sized fashion blogger was shamed for dressing like Meghan Markle. Her response was perfect.

However, others jumped to Lizzo's defense, with some pointing out that there's a double standard when it comes to beauty. Lizzo wouldn't be receiving the same criticism if she had a different body type.








But Lizzo doesn't care what the world thinks about her thong dress. She came to her own defense when she posted an Instagram live video with her thoughts about other people's thoughts about her dress.


"Like, this is who I've always been," Lizzo says in the video. "Now everyone's looking at it and your criticism can just remain your criticism. Your criticism has no effect on me. Negative criticism has no stake in my life, no control over my life, over my emotions. I'm the happiest I've ever been, I'm surrounded by love."

Lizzo is all about self-love, and wants others to love themselves as well. "Who I am and the essence of me and the things that I choose to do as a grown-ass woman can inspire you to do the same," Lizzo says in the video "You don't have to be like me. You need to be like you. And never ever let somebody stop you or shame you from being yourself."

RELATED: Lisa Kudrow opened up about the constant body shaming she and her co-stars experienced on the set of Friends.

Lizzo had a final message to those who didn't like her dress. "I just wanna spread that love and also spread these cheeks," she said. "And you know what, if you really don't like my a**, you can kiss it. 'Cause kissing it makes it go away, I promise."

Lizzo also posted a video of Rihanna twerking while wearing a see-through dress, calling it her "inspiration."

Lizzo was recently named TIME Magazine's entertainer of the year, so it looks like she's getting the last laugh.

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