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Wellness expert explains what 'self-care' really is and it's far from what we've been sold

Self-care doesn't need to cost you a thing.

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Self-care is not what we've be taught one therapist explains

Self-care. It's something that has been co-opted by wellness influencers and gurus that somehow always involve spending money on something luxurious. Self-care is often branded as things like pedicures, vacations and hour long massages at the spa but according to Dr. Raquel Martin, we've been doing self-care all wrong.

Martin is a licensed psychologist and recently uploaded a video where she explains what self-care is truly supposed to be–it's not indulgent. At least indulgence shouldn't be an all the time expectation of self-care though she acknowledges that the wellness industry has monetized the decadent vision of self-care. Martin explains that having self-care propped up as something that is indulgent isolates people who cannot afford those types of activities.

The psychologist goes on to share how she practices self-care, surprising viewers, "not responding to every call and if I do not have the bandwidth to have the conversation, stating that I don't have the bandwidth to have the conversation." She also says she says no to things she doesn't want to do, setting a financial budget, and not drinking caffeine after 4 PM.

Things Martin listed are things a lot of people don't think about as self-care but in actuality, self-care is defined by taking care of one's self. This means practicing self-care is getting in a few minutes of exercise a day, drinking more water or spending time with friends watching mindless television. You don't have to spend money to care for yourself. Commenters were shocked and thankful for Martin's clarification on what self-care is actually supposed to be.



"Love this list!! As a massage therapist, I have to call out the misconception that massage is indulgent. I'm always telling my patients that self care is more than a bath. I will be sharing this list with my patients. I'm also trying to make massage more accessible," one person writes.

"Thank you for this post. I’m internalizing your advice to see how I can apply. You resonated with my thoughts on so many levels. However, you also provided some clarity and food for thought/fuel for action," another says.

"I really appreciate what you said about pallet cleansers! Sometimes I get frustrated with myself because I'm not able to read and consume and learn about all the issues different people are facing. It's really important to me to learn about those things, not just for awareness, but also so I can do something about it. But self care is so important throughout that, like leaving my phone in the other room, or watching my comfort shows like you said. I often read kids books or TV because of how horrible the world is right now, and I need something extremely wholesome to balance it out. Also, workshop? I'm not sure what that means but I like learning from you. Thanks," someone shares.

So maybe it's time to collectively ditch those indulgent expectations of self-care and really take a look at ways we care for ourselves instead.


This article originally appeared on 7.15.24

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Health

Woman shares her 'save the day' self-care tip that can help alleviate work stress

Save the day. Every day.

@breatheintransformation/TikTok

Such a simple—and fun—way to add in daily self care

Work-life balance is a popular phrase thrown around these days, and certainly, with all the benefits it can add to our sense of purpose and wellbeing, it’s something worth striving towards.

But integrating the concept into our lives…that’s another story.

Before you know it, 12 hours of busywork have flown by, leaving us too exhausted to do anything for ourselves. And now, on top of the fatigue, we have the guilt of not doing that hour-long workout or thirty minute meditation or whatever else we know could help us feel fulfilled, if only we had time. Because the sad truth is—our current society makes it very easy to put our personal needs on the backburner in the name of productivity.

On the upside—taking even the smallest personal breaks can make a world of difference. And Trina Merz, a Hawaii-based holistic healing practitioner, recently shared the simple, yet powerful way that she and a friend created to remember their self care.

In a video posted to her TikTok, @breatheintransformation, Merz shared that whenever she and her friend carved out a small personal activity during a full work day, they’d call it “saving the day.”

For Merz, that often looked like catching a surf, calling her mom, or making a delicious meal. “One thing that reclaims the day as our own,” she explained in the clip.

And to hold each other accountable, they would ask each other how they saved the day. “It became this fun thing that we used to just casually talk about all the time,” she said.

Merz went on to affirm that "there's honestly so many ways you can save the day, and it doesn't have to be a huge time commitment. It could even be just making a cup of tea and cozying up with one of your favorite books; anything that makes the day feel like you had some space in it again."

@breatheintransformation Save the day. Everyday. #savetheday #careeradviceforwomen #corporategirlies #stressrelief ♬ original sound - trina 🕊️ work-life harmony

There’s just so much about this that works. For one thing, adding the phrase “saving the day” makes you feel like a superhero (and, let’s be real, main character energy is totally healthy sometimes). But also there’s the sharing with a friend aspect, which Merz told Upworthy is "such an impactful part of this practice not only for accountability…but because when our energy comes together it expands and inspires each other, adding fuel to the flame of seeing the positives in our lives."

As one viewer rightfully commented, “This is the healthiest lifestyle tip I’ve seen in a while."

Lots of folks requested some more examples of “saving the day,” and Mez happily obliged. Here’s a small sampling of what she listed in a follow-up video:

Blowing bubbles

Taking a walk or run outside

Making rituals out of special treats—using a special plate with a fancy piece of chocolate, for example.

Reading a book or article you find interesting

Getting a pedicure or a massage

Enjoying a crossword

Taking a dance break

Walking barefoot in the grass

Doing anything with a good friend

And of course, you are free to create your own “Save The Day” list. Share it with a friend, and see how it affects your week.

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Health

Blogger makes 3 tiny changes for Lent and his life got 20% better

Sometimes, the small things make all the difference.

via Cottonbro Studio/Pexels, Arnie Watkins/Pexels and Eren Li/Pexels

David Cain made three tiny changes that made a big difference.

A Japanese concept known as kaizen is based on making small, continuous improvements daily that eventually result in tremendous growth. The basic idea is that tiny changes can amount to big ones over time.

It’s an interesting concept to put into practice because it’s a lot less overwhelming to make small changes each day than trying to move mountains overnight. Plus, it’s probably easier to stay disciplined.

Blogger David Cain, creator of Raptitude, made three small changes in his life and says they’ve improved his overall sense of well-being by 20%. He admits that it only took about 2% more effort to get results that were 10 times greater.

He started his tiny change routine during Lent, the Christian period of fasting and reflection before Easter. During Lent, Christians are asked to give up something as a form of self-discipline and spiritual reflection, echoing Jesus' 40-day fast in the desert.

“On a whim, I decided to commit to three small changes for the remainder of Lent, not because I’m religious, but because I like the idea of temporarily renouncing things,” Cain joked.

The three tiny changes he implemented for Lent were deleting Twitter and Reddit from his phone, drinking more water and getting to bed 15 to 20 minutes earlier.

“I kept the changes small because small is easy, and might still be worthwhile. First, I renounced the scrolling of Twitter and Reddit, because I kind of got into that again over the winter. I just took five minutes to block them on my phone, and I don’t miss them,” Cain wrote.

“I also started drinking more water again,” he continued. “I’m not sure when I got away from actively drinking water, but now that I’m doing it again, I feel more energetic. Lastly, I stopped pushing my bedtime past my old bedtime by 15 or 20 minutes.”

Cain’s experiment wasn’t about becoming a new person or reaching perfection; he just wanted to make a few small changes. He assumed the changes wouldn’t have a huge impact because they were so easy. Boy, was he wrong.


“How I’ve felt since reminds me of how I felt when I was a bit younger,” he wrote. “I’m sharper, more patient, more inclined to do things. The body moves more easily, the mind finds words more easily, intentions form more easily. It’s not quite an amazing change, but it really is significant.”

Cain’s story should inspire all of us who would like to improve our lives but don’t know where to start. If you don’t have a problem with hydration, scrolling through Twitter, or getting to bed on time, he has a list of over 25 more small changes you can make as well.

As the great Taoist sage Lao Tzu famously said, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step."

“It’s not much of a gamble—to test whether life would get immediately better after quitting some small thing you know is bad for you, or committing to some small thing you know is good for you," he wrote. “Give it even a week of really doing it, and see.”

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Mental Health

3 signs you might need to take a mental health day and how to talk to your employer about it

Mental health days can be very good for business.

Cliff Booth|Canva and Silviarita|Canva

3 signs you might need to take a mental health day from work

People are starting to take their mental health more seriously and utilizing mental health day. Some companies have even started offering mental health days for their employees on top of their regular sick and vacation days to ensure their employees needs are met. But how do you know it may be time to take a mental health day before you're burned out completely?

One of the coolest things about our bodies is that it gives us cues on what it needs. We're used to the loud physical cues like a grumbling tummy that lets you know it's time to eat or excessive yawning and dry eyes that tell you its time to sleep. But there are other cues that we have either overlooked or haven't quite learned to recognize what our body is trying to tell us and those have to do with needing a mental health break.

When we think of our mental health, we don't often think about the physical symptoms that can be a precursor to emotional symptoms. It's the emotional symptoms that generally get our attention that say something may be bothering us, but our bodies give us clues. Maybe we should listen a bit more closely.

1. You're always tired.

It doesn't seem to matter how much sleep you got the night before, as soon as you get to work, you're exhausted. All you can think about is going home and crawling back in bed. But when your shift is over, suddenly your energy rebounds and you feel like you can do everything you want to do.

2. Frequent headaches

It's normal to get a headache every once in a while but for some reason you seem to only get them when you're either at work, thinking about work or are getting ready to go to work. Could it be that work is giving you the headache? Possibly. Instead of stocking up on Aleve, you might just need a staycation for a couple of days to reset.

3. Muscle pain

For some reason your shoulders, neck and jaw muscles are always tight and you can't figure out why. You try working the knots out yourself and even trade shoulder massages with your officemate but it keeps coming back. It could be tension that you're carrying from work. Our shoulders, necks and jaws are places that tend to hold a lot of our tension so if you're noticing constant muscle tightness in those areas while at work, it's probably time to check in with yourself.

Of course, many of us ignore these physical symptoms of stress and push through, which can cause us to be more curt, snippy, easily irritated and flustered. Once you surpass the obvious symptoms that often feel like undue irritation, we can then slide into crying on breaks, heightened anxiety, feelings of depression, and more. Unfortunately, many people wait until they reach the more disruptive stages before recognizing they need to take a mental health break.

Now that you know the symptoms, how do you ask for a break? If you're not working for yourself, chances are you're reporting to a boss of some sort and will need to disclose you'd like to take a mental health break. If don't work for a company that offers them, you can send an email or ask for a meeting.

You could say something along the lines of, "I'm really invested in the success of the company and my role within in it. In order for me to continue being successful and showing up at my best, I'd like to take two days off next week to focus on my mental health and recharging my battery."

Depending on your company policy, you may need to give more notice. If it's an emergent mental health situation it's always best practice to be candid about your needs without disclosing an excessive amount of unneeded information.

This article was written by Jacalyn Wetzel, Licensed Clinical Social Worker and practicing therapist.

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