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Women rally behind a mom who's tired of being judged for having a full face of makeup

“Why are we judging moms on their parenting because of how they look?"

@emloublogger/TikTok

Self care doesn't make you "one of THOSE moms."

Virtually no one is here to argue that mom shaming isn’t a very real thing that every woman with kids must endure on some level during parenthood—be it for whether or not the breastfeed, whether they enroll their kids in this school or that school, or in this case, whether or not they choose to wear makeup.

Yep, you read that right. Recently, a mom named Emma Hutton, who happens to work in the beauty industry as a nail tech, shared via TikTok how she experiences judgement for always being seen with her makeup and hair completely done. In fact, she had been dubbed "one of them type of moms” for it, as though that could possibly indicate what type of mom she was.

In reality, Hutton explains, wearing makeup has absolutely nothing to do with being a mom. She wakes up extra early to put on a full face because “it makes me feel my best.” And when she feels her best, “the day goes better." That’s it, no deeper hidden meaning. But somehow some folks have taken it to be some sort of signal about how inattentive or superficial of a parent she must be, which Hutton seems to find ridiculous.

@emloublogger I’ll always be one of “them” 😎😂 #mums #mumlife #mumsoftiktok #momlife #momtok #mumtok #mommy #parents #mum ♬ original sound - Emma💕

“Why are we judging moms on their parenting because of how they look? You don’t see me judging moms that are in the school playground in pajamas because they literally run out of the house to get their kids to school on time,” she says in her clip.

Clearly, Hutton wasn’t the only one who was irked by this double standard, judging from the support she got in comments. One person even surmised that some jealousy was at play, writing “how you look triggers insecure people that don’t make enough time for themselves. Only miserable people look at what others are doing.”

Others simply commiserated on the fact that, no matter what, the mom shaming would commence. As one person shared, “I go days looking done up and then days looking like Adam Sandler, either way I'm judged. Can’t win.”

We’re all pretty aware that maintaining our appearance can do wonders for our mental health, and makeup can play a huge role in releasing those mood-boosting endorphins. For example, a study published in the journal Cosmetics in 2018 found that when women applied makeup, they reported significant decreases in feelings of sadness, tiredness, and anger.

Even the ritual of putting on makeup, which Hutton told Newsweek was her “me time,” can be a sort of mediation, helping folks tune into the present moment and lower stress. Plus, there can be something very empowering in mastering which colors and techniques bring out your best features. Yes, we live in a world where the beauty industry tries to capitalize on needing to “fix” flaws, but for far longer, makeup has been a magical form of self expression and self care.

And more to the point, why are we chastising moms for trying to maintain this aspect of their identity? As Hutton told Newsweek, "I have always worn makeup and cared about my appearance, so I don't think that should change just because I'm now a mom." And that’s really the message to drive home here. Motherhood is a major component of womanhood, but it isn’t the only component. Women are allowed to nurture the part of themselves that isn’t solely focused on raising a child, and in fact need to in order to stay sane—whether that be through throwing on some lipstick, going to a workout class, having coffee with a friend, or carving out some other variation of “me time.” Kudos to the moms who prioritize self care in whatever way they see fit, regardless of the looks they get. You really are paving the way for more empowerment.

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Mental Health

The danger of high-functioning depression as told by a college student

Overachievers can struggle with mental health issues, too.


I first saw a psychiatrist for my anxiety and depression as a junior in high school.

During her evaluation, she asked about my coursework. I told her that I had a 4.0 GPA and had filled my schedule with pre-AP and AP classes. A puzzled look crossed her face. She asked about my involvement in extracurricular activities. As I rattled off the long list of groups and organizations I was a part of, her frown creased further.

Finally, she set down her pen and looked at me, saying something along the lines of "You seem to be pretty high-functioning, but your anxiety and depression seem pretty severe. Actually, it's teens like you who scare me a lot."


Now I was confused. What was scary about my condition? From the outside, I was functioning like a perfectly "normal" teenager. In fact, I was somewhat of an overachiever.

I was working through my mental illnesses and I was succeeding, so what was the problem?

I left that appointment with a prescription for Lexapro and a question that I would continue to think about for years. The answer didn't hit me all at once.

Instead, it came to me every time I heard a suicide story on the news saying, "By all accounts, they were living the perfect life."

It came to me as I crumbled under pressure over and over again, doing the bare minimum I could to still meet my definition of success.

It came to me as I began to share my story and my illness with others, and I was met with reactions of "I had no idea" and "I never would have known." It's easy to put depression into a box of symptoms.

lighted candles on man's hand lying on the floorPhoto by Fernando @cferdophotography on Unsplash

Even though we're often told that mental illness comes in all shapes and sizes, I think we're still stuck with certain "stock images" of mental health in our heads.

When we see depression and anxiety in adolescents, we see teens struggling to get by in their day-to-day lives. We see grades dropping, and we see involvement replaced by isolation. But it doesn't always look like this.

And when we limit our idea of mental illness, at-risk people slip through the cracks.

We don't see the student with the 4.0 GPA or the student who's active in choir and theater or a member of the National Honor Society or the ambitious teen who takes on leadership roles in a religious youth group.

person holding white printer paperPhoto by Sydney Sims on Unsplash

No matter how many times we are reminded that mental illness doesn't discriminate, we revert back to a narrow idea of how it should manifest, and that is dangerous.

Recognizing this danger is what helped me find the answer to my question.

Watching person after person — myself included — slip under the radar of the "depression detector" made me realize where that fear comes from. My psychiatrist knew the list of symptoms, and she knew I didn't necessarily fit them. She understood it was the reason that, though my struggles with mental illness began at age 12, I didn't come to see her until I was 16.

If we keep allowing our perception of what mental illness looks like to dictate how we go about recognizing and treating it, we will continue to overlook people who don't fit the mold.

We cannot keep forgetting that there are people out there who, though they may not be able to check off every symptom on the list, are heavily and negatively affected by their mental illness. If we forget, we allow their struggle to continue unnoticed, and that is pretty scary.


This article was written by Amanda Leventhal and originally appeared on 06.03.16













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Health

Woman shares her 'save the day' self-care tip that can help alleviate work stress

Save the day. Every day.

@breatheintransformation/TikTok

Such a simple—and fun—way to add in daily self care

Work-life balance is a popular phrase thrown around these days, and certainly, with all the benefits it can add to our sense of purpose and wellbeing, it’s something worth striving towards.

But integrating the concept into our lives…that’s another story.

Before you know it, 12 hours of busywork have flown by, leaving us too exhausted to do anything for ourselves. And now, on top of the fatigue, we have the guilt of not doing that hour-long workout or thirty minute meditation or whatever else we know could help us feel fulfilled, if only we had time. Because the sad truth is—our current society makes it very easy to put our personal needs on the backburner in the name of productivity.

On the upside—taking even the smallest personal breaks can make a world of difference. And Trina Merz, a Hawaii-based holistic healing practitioner, recently shared the simple, yet powerful way that she and a friend created to remember their self care.

In a video posted to her TikTok, @breatheintransformation, Merz shared that whenever she and her friend carved out a small personal activity during a full work day, they’d call it “saving the day.”

For Merz, that often looked like catching a surf, calling her mom, or making a delicious meal. “One thing that reclaims the day as our own,” she explained in the clip.

And to hold each other accountable, they would ask each other how they saved the day. “It became this fun thing that we used to just casually talk about all the time,” she said.

Merz went on to affirm that "there's honestly so many ways you can save the day, and it doesn't have to be a huge time commitment. It could even be just making a cup of tea and cozying up with one of your favorite books; anything that makes the day feel like you had some space in it again."

@breatheintransformation Save the day. Everyday. #savetheday #careeradviceforwomen #corporategirlies #stressrelief ♬ original sound - trina 🕊️ work-life harmony

There’s just so much about this that works. For one thing, adding the phrase “saving the day” makes you feel like a superhero (and, let’s be real, main character energy is totally healthy sometimes). But also there’s the sharing with a friend aspect, which Merz told Upworthy is "such an impactful part of this practice not only for accountability…but because when our energy comes together it expands and inspires each other, adding fuel to the flame of seeing the positives in our lives."

As one viewer rightfully commented, “This is the healthiest lifestyle tip I’ve seen in a while."

Lots of folks requested some more examples of “saving the day,” and Mez happily obliged. Here’s a small sampling of what she listed in a follow-up video:

Blowing bubbles

Taking a walk or run outside

Making rituals out of special treats—using a special plate with a fancy piece of chocolate, for example.

Reading a book or article you find interesting

Getting a pedicure or a massage

Enjoying a crossword

Taking a dance break

Walking barefoot in the grass

Doing anything with a good friend

And of course, you are free to create your own “Save The Day” list. Share it with a friend, and see how it affects your week.

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wellness
Health

Blogger makes 3 tiny changes for Lent and his life got 20% better

Sometimes, the small things make all the difference.

via Cottonbro Studio/Pexels, Arnie Watkins/Pexels and Eren Li/Pexels

David Cain made three tiny changes that made a big difference.

A Japanese concept known as kaizen is based on making small, continuous improvements daily that eventually result in tremendous growth. The basic idea is that tiny changes can amount to big ones over time.

It’s an interesting concept to put into practice because it’s a lot less overwhelming to make small changes each day than trying to move mountains overnight. Plus, it’s probably easier to stay disciplined.

Blogger David Cain, creator of Raptitude, made three small changes in his life and says they’ve improved his overall sense of well-being by 20%. He admits that it only took about 2% more effort to get results that were 10 times greater.

He started his tiny change routine during Lent, the Christian period of fasting and reflection before Easter. During Lent, Christians are asked to give up something as a form of self-discipline and spiritual reflection, echoing Jesus' 40-day fast in the desert.

“On a whim, I decided to commit to three small changes for the remainder of Lent, not because I’m religious, but because I like the idea of temporarily renouncing things,” Cain joked.

The three tiny changes he implemented for Lent were deleting Twitter and Reddit from his phone, drinking more water and getting to bed 15 to 20 minutes earlier.

“I kept the changes small because small is easy, and might still be worthwhile. First, I renounced the scrolling of Twitter and Reddit, because I kind of got into that again over the winter. I just took five minutes to block them on my phone, and I don’t miss them,” Cain wrote.

“I also started drinking more water again,” he continued. “I’m not sure when I got away from actively drinking water, but now that I’m doing it again, I feel more energetic. Lastly, I stopped pushing my bedtime past my old bedtime by 15 or 20 minutes.”

Cain’s experiment wasn’t about becoming a new person or reaching perfection; he just wanted to make a few small changes. He assumed the changes wouldn’t have a huge impact because they were so easy. Boy, was he wrong.


“How I’ve felt since reminds me of how I felt when I was a bit younger,” he wrote. “I’m sharper, more patient, more inclined to do things. The body moves more easily, the mind finds words more easily, intentions form more easily. It’s not quite an amazing change, but it really is significant.”

Cain’s story should inspire all of us who would like to improve our lives but don’t know where to start. If you don’t have a problem with hydration, scrolling through Twitter, or getting to bed on time, he has a list of over 25 more small changes you can make as well.

As the great Taoist sage Lao Tzu famously said, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step."

“It’s not much of a gamble—to test whether life would get immediately better after quitting some small thing you know is bad for you, or committing to some small thing you know is good for you," he wrote. “Give it even a week of really doing it, and see.”

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