romance

It's hard to write convincingly outside of your lived experience, especially when it comes to gender. Whether it's comfortable to admit or not, there are a lot of fundamental differences between men and women. We're raised differently, socialized different, and view the world is wildly unique ways. And that's to say nothing of our many, many physiological differences.

Most famously, you've heard the jokes and seen the brutal examples of "men writing women." There's even a whole subreddit dedicated to the worst instances found from books in the wild. One hallmark? There's usually a weird fixation on their physical appearance. The old joke/meme goes, "Cassandra woke up to the rays of the sun streaming through the slats on her blinds, cascading over her naked chest. She stretched, her breasts lifting with her arms as she greeted the sun. She rolled out of the bed and put on a shirt, her nipples prominently showing through her thin fabric. She breasted boobily towards the stairs, and titted downwards."

You get the idea.

But let it be known that it can also be hard for women to write convincing male characters! The male psyche is just so complex, so multi-faceted, such an enigma, that it can be difficult to truly capture without walking a mile in our shoes. OK, maybe that's not exactly it, but let's have an honest conversation about the last time you saw a male character in a romance novel awkwardly "adjust" himself—a phenomenon all guys are familiar with. Probably not very often, right?

A recent Reddit thread posed the question: "What's a telltale sign that a male character was written by a woman?"

Hundreds of users chimed in with their thoughts and opinions and dead giveaways, and the responses are laugh-out-loud funny and wickedly accurate. Here are a few of the best observations:

1. Only "she" gets him.

"She's the only one who gets to see his vulnerable side, which only consists of two things, a traumatic past and his inability to live if he ever loses her," a user wrote.

  Who wants to fix this bad boy?  Giphy  

2. He's the absolute worst. No, wait, he's simply misunderstood.

"He's a total bastard... but with a heart of gold that she will help him discover," someone added.

3. He effortlessly handles her frazzled, panicky freak-outs.

"When a female character is communicating badly, but he understands her anyway," another said.

  These hunks will never, ever give up on love.  Giphy  

4. He has in-depth conversations with friends about love, emotions, and the things they fear.

"For me, it’s most obvious when male characters are talking to each other. Men just don’t communicate the same way that most women in my life tend to," a guy suggested.

5. He could have anyone, but he just can't get her off his mind.

"Guy has literally everything(money, looks, daring badboy) and suddenly chooses the mundane blank canvass main character. He singularly and inexplicably becomes obsessed with her after seeing her once at [insert random place]" someone observed.

6. The burning. So much burning.

"His touch or his stare burns into the heroine," another user said.

  His piercing eyes will burn straight into you.  Giphy  

7. He's an open book, or the biggest jerk on the planet.

"He's either an incredibly emotionally open and gentle man or the most annoying asshole you'll ever meet," someone wrote.

8. If he's a good guy, he never gets his timing wrong.

"He gets the timing of his behaviors just right for the FMC [Female Main Character]. He's aggressive at the right time for her and vulnerable at the right time for her. Even his apparent missteps just make him more attractive to her," another user added.

9. He's cold and distant, but only because he's afraid of how much he loves her.

"They're super handsome, but cold and distant the entire time, but then save the day and secretly have always loved the main character," someone commented.

10. He is an enigma.

"Capable but humble, Affectionate but distant, Your pleasure is his pleasure," someone succinctly added.

11. He's hardworking and successful, but always seems to be free for a hang.

"He will also be handsome, perfectly fit, very rich, travels all the time, but still somehow has all the free time in the world to be with her all day," a user wrote.

12. His natural musk is magnificent.

"When it’s repeatedly mentioned that he smells like a plant and a weather element. Pine and snow. Cedar and rain. Oak and sunlight," a commenter observed.

  He smelled like cedar and rain.  Giphy  

13. He is a thinly-veiled takedown of all men everywhere.

"One I've noticed is male villains who are obviously meant to be allegorical critiques of sexist men. They're often painfully badly written and give the vibe that the author has not ever actually met a human, sexist or otherwise," someone said.

14. He growls, in a good way.

"When he growls or snarls [or makes other animal sounds]," another guy added.

15. He may have psychic abilities.

"He's a 'mind reader' towards others and just 'knows" what they want without the need to communicate clearly. ... He can read minds and knows what she wants without her being up front about it," someone suggested.

16. He's the goodest good-guy that ever good-guyed.

"He's a family man who works 60 hours a week, loves family activities and spending time with the kids. He supports his wife in her career. He's also super jacked because he lifts. Apparently, he doesn't need sleep and days have 30 hours."

  He spends all his waking hours working and with the family, but still has a six-pack.  Giphy  

17. He's a man of few words, but his brain never stops chattering.

"The inner dialogue is off. Too many words," someone summed up.

The truth is, it's hard for writers to "win" no matter what they do. Men that write vulnerable, soft, feminine female characters will be criticized for stereotyping. If they write them tough and a little crass, they're just writing a 'male fantasy.' Too quirky and impulsive and you've created the dreaded Manic Pixie Dream Girl.

The same is true for female writers. Make your men too brutish and simple and you're playing into the stereotypes. Too sensitive and emotionally-intelligent and you're "setting the bar too high."

We have to remember that a lot of what we read and enjoy on-screen is meant to be escapism. A lot of the teasing criticisms above are pulled from the pages of romance novels, which are meant to be a fantasy. They're primarily written for women, so it's fun to imagine a hunky bad boy with a soft-gooey center that only you can access. Similarly, men love fantasy stories where they get to imagine themselves as the hero meeting a distressed damsel who loves them exactly the way they are.

It's all just a bit of fun, and it can also be a lot of fun for astute readers when well-meaning authors don't quite hit the mark.