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A study found this flirting strategy to be the most effective, regardless of your looks or age

The ultimate pick-up line might be a one-liner.

via Pexels

A couple enjoying a glass of wine.

In the 1988 Disney classic “Who Framed Roger Rabbit,” the titular character is in an unlikely relationship with his voluptuous wife Jessica. Roger is a frantic, anxious rabbit with a penchant for mischief, while Jessica is a quintessential ’40s bombshell who stands about a foot and a half taller and isn’t “bad,” just “drawn that way.”

When private investigator Eddie Valiant asked Jessica what she sees in “that guy?” she replies, “He makes me laugh.” This type of couple may seem like something we only see in the movies, but don’t underestimate the power of humor when it comes to attractiveness. A 2022 study published in Evolutionary Psychology found that being humorous is the most effective way to flirt for both men and women.

“People think that humour, or being able to make another person laugh, is most effective for men who are looking for a long-term relationship. It’s least effective for women who are looking for a one-night stand. But laughing or giggling at the other person's jokes is an effective flirtation tactic for both sexes,” says Leif Edward Ottesen Kennair, a professor at the Norwegian University of Science and Technology's (NTNU) Department of Psychology.

dating, flirting, how to flirt, flirting advice, romance, men, women A woman smiles at a manImage via Canva

“It is not only effective to be funny, but for women, it is very important that you show your potential partner that you think they are funny,” Rebecca Burch, a co-author from SUNY Oswego in New York, added.

For men, showing off their sense of humor was found to be the most effective way to flirt whether they were looking for a short-term or a long-term relationship. For women, being funny was the most effective tactic when looking for a long-term relationship. For people looking for a short-term fling, appearing available was the most effective tactic.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

According to the study, humor is effective regardless of one's attractiveness. “Individual differences in age, religiosity, extroversion, personal attractiveness and preferences for short-term sexual relationships had little or no effect on how effective respondents considered the various flirting tactics to be,” says study co-author Prof. Mons Bendixen.

If you see someone you like but don’t think you’re good-looking enough for them, give it a shot. You may still have a chance if you can make ’em laugh.

The most effective tactics for those looking for a long-term relationship:

For women:

1. Makes him laugh

2. Shows interest in conversations

3. Spends time with him

4. Engages in deep conversations

5. Kisses on mouth


flirting, flirting advice, how to flirt, dating, romance, men, womenA man texts a woman sitting near himImage via Canva

For men:

1. Makes her laugh

2. Spends time with her

3. Shows interest in conversations

4. Engages in deep conversations

5. Smiles

The study is proof that looks aren’t everything and shows that having a good sense of humor isn’t just about making someone laugh. A great sense of humor is evidence that someone is intelligent, wise, perceptive, confident, can see things from new perspectives and has good intuition. It also helps people quickly build bonds and share experiences, which is a great way to get close to someone in a fast and fun way.

So why wouldn’t Jessica be with Roger? The guy is hilarious.

This story originally appeared three years ago.

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Nicole Kidman shares the unconventional marriage rule she has with husband Keith Urban

They've had this communication rule since the very beginning of their 18 year relationship.

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Keith Urban (left) Nicole Kidman (right)

Long before Nicole Kidman began her long-term relationship with AMC theaters, she was committed to husband and country singer Keith Urban. The two have happily been together since 2006—which is a good run for any modern day marriage, but most certainly a Hollywood one.

And perhaps their nearly decades-long success can be partially attributed to one surprising communication rule: no texting. While appearing on the Something To Talk About podcast in 2023, Kidman shared that she was the one who initiated the unconventional agreement.

"We never text each other, can you believe that? We started out that way – I was like, 'If you want to get a hold of me, call me…"I wasn't really a texter.,” the “Moulin Rouge” actress shared.

She added that while Urban did attempt texting her a few items early on, he eventually switched when Kidman wasn’t very responsive. And now, 18 years later, they only call each other.

“We just do voice to voice or skin to skin, as we always say. We talk all the time and we FaceTime but we just don’t text because I feel like texting can be misrepresentative at times…I don’t want that between my lover and I,” she told Parade

.

There are, of course, some pros and cons to calling over texting. Research has shown that people who call feelmore connected to one another vs. texting, with the voice being an integral component of bonding. As our society becomes increasingly more distant and lonely, finding those moments might be more important than ever.

At the same time, calling can invoke a lot more anxiety compared to texting, which could lead someone to not communicating at all. Also, I don’t know about you, but the thought of having to call my partner for mundane things like “don’t forget the eggs” would drive me crazy.

But regardless of whether or not you adopt Kidman and Urban’s no-texting rule, perhaps the bigger takeaway is that relationship longevity depends on being able to establish your own rules. One that feels good and that each partner is able to stick to. Especially when it comes to communication.

As Urban himself told E! News at the CMT Music Awards, "I have no advice for anybody,You guys figure out whatever works for you…We're figuring it out. You figure it out. Everybody's different. There's no one size fits all."

Luckily, there are many ways to have good text hygiene, without having to do away with it completely. Very Well Mind suggests to avoid texting too many questions, and to be respectful of your partner's schedule (probably best to not text them while they’re sleeping just to say “hey,” for example). Nor should texting be used to argue or deal with conflict. Lastly, probably save the lengthy, in-depth conversations for a phone call. Fifteen heart emojis are totally fine though.


This article originally appeared last year.

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Love Stories

Confused man can't figure out why he's suddenly obsessed with his wife of 10 years and it's so wholesome

"Man discovers true love, freaks out."

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This is an adorable problem to have.

When we get married, we understand that we're signing up for a lifelong commitment. We understand that the love we have for our partner will change and grow and evolve over time. The frantic, can't-keep-our-hands-off-each-other passion we feel in the beginning is bound to fade into something more closely resembling compassionate love, which is a love of devotion and care and kindness. That's why we ideally choose someone we can see ourselves growing old with, someone we genuinely like, a best friend.

Except, it turns out, that isn't always the case! Not if you take some people's word for it, anyway. And when you're expecting a "cozy but bland" marriage and suddenly find yourself in the opposite, well, it can be alarming.

An unnamed social media user recently posted a frantic message asking for help: "Why am I too attracted to my wife?"

gif of a man counting on his fingers surrounded by floating calculationsIt it sounds weird, it is kinda weird. Giphy

"I know this sounds weird," the poster wrote. "But I have been with my wife for about 10 years, 8 years dating and almost 2 married. I have always found her beautiful and super hot, but lately these last few months I’m obsessing over her. I feel like she’s way too hot, I can’t stop staring at her when we’re in the same room.

"Is this normal? Do I need to do something? I tried looking online for help, but there isn’t anything out there. I have no friends or family to ask about this."

Poor guy probably thought he was going through a hormone imbalance or some kind of mental break, when the truth is much more wholesome: Dude is just really in love with his wife.

Comments poured in. Apparently, OP isn't the only one with this 'problem'

Users on r/mademesmile had a lot to say about the man's adorable obliviousness:

gif of woman saying, 'Who woulda thought?"The weird truth is also pretty wholesome.Giphy

"No need to worry. I’ve done the same thing over my 26 year marriage. Some years it’s there. Some years it’s normal attraction."

"You do need to do something. Count your blessings."

"You can't be TOO attracted to your wife. ... I've been married to mine for 21 years, and I still look at her in the way you have just described"

"I definitely haven't been with my wife as long, but I still do this. She is a goddess to me. I would die for her. I would kill for her. Either way, what bliss."

"I hope my partner looks at me the same way you look at your wife after 10 years. It's a big fear for a lot of young women my age, getting older and having age show. Give her a big ol' smooch and make it known you see her this way if you haven't already."

"My husband and I have been together 16 1/2 years. I still get butterflies in my stomach when he kisses me. Sometimes I catch him watching me with, what I call, 'googley eyes'"

"I feel the same way! We’re 18 years married, 20 years together. Sometimes I catch him looking a certain way, or in a certain light, and I’m like DAMN you SO FINE."

"You're just really in love with your wife and it's wholesome AF"

So, are all these couples just embellishing to make their relationships look good? Or can you really still get the 'butterflies' after decades together?

Studies show that it is possible, and even common, for married couples to be "madly in love" after decades of marriage. That should give us all hope.

A 2011 study out of Stony Brook University found that dopamine activity levels in the brains of newly-in-love couples were similar to couples who had been together for an average of 21 years. Dopamine, as a reminder, is the excitement neurotransmitter that signals reward and pleasure to your brain.

“A state-of-the-art investigation of love has confirmed for the very first time that people are not lying when they say that after 10 to 30 years of marriage they are still madly in love with their partners,” an expert told Harvard Medical School.

gif of Bug Bunny with heart eyesAh, love. Giphy

How does that work when the 'newness' and initial uncertainty has worn off? Fascinatingly, the things we learn and discover about our partners, even many years down the line, can influence our physical attraction to them. Leila Levison, a couples counselor, writes: "Discovering that someone is arrogant or intractable or selfish might greatly lessen our initial impression of their being handsome or beautiful. Conversely, as we come to know someone’s humility or quiet brilliance, what had seemed to be ordinary features become beautiful."

So, a sudden rush of love and physical attraction to your partner could mean many things, one of them being that you've reached new heights of connection and intimacy. It could mean that you're appreciating them as a human being more than ever. These feelings can be cyclical, coming in waves, ebbing and flowing in different years. That's all totally normal.

If you're not feeling those same sparks in your own relationship, experts recommend starting with more physical touch. Doubling the amount of time you spend kissing, hugging, or holding hands can encourage your body to release oxytocin, one of the main hormones that floods your brain when you're falling in love. In way, you can almost trick the sparks to come back.

Hey, all is fair in love and war!

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Pop Culture

Emma Thompson explains what made the bedroom scene in “Love Actually” so heart wrenching

It wasn’t just that Alan Rickman had broken her heart.

STUDIOCANAL/YouTube

Emma Thompson's bedroom scene in "Love Actually" is a performance for the ages.

It's been over 20 years since Alan Rickman broke Emma Thompson's heart by buying that little office tart a necklace in "Love Actually," and some of us still haven't forgiven him. With its overlapping love stories set during Christmastime, the film has become a holiday classic, despite some controversy on whether or not it's actually any good. Some people love it, some people hate it, but no one can deny that Thompson gives an Oscar-worthy performance in one utterly heart-wrecking scene.

Of the eight "Love Actually" relationships, Harry and Karen (Rickman and Thompson, respectively) is the one that gives the film some serious gravitas. While other characters are pining or shooting their shot with varying levels of success, Harry is pulling a mid-life crisis affair with a modelesque coworker while Karen shuffles their children to and fro and keeps Harry's life running smoothly. We see him lie, we see her start to suspect, but the scene where she opens her Christmas present from Harry—a Joni Mitchell CD, not the necklace she had found hidden in his coat and thought was for her—is when we see Thompson's acting strengths in full view. Like, phew.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

What's so striking about the scene, however, is that it's not dramatic in a typical way. There's no external conflict happening—it's just Thompson excusing herself from the family to emotionally process what she's just discovered in secret. We see and feel her heartbreak—it's so visceral—but that's not what makes the scene so powerful. Heartbreak happens all the time in movies. As Thompson explains in an interview with BBC Radio 1, it's the fact that she can't actually react the way she wants to that pulls at people's heartstrings so hard.

"I think it's just because everybody's been through something like it," Thompson says. "What I think really gets to them though is that she has to pull herself together. It's not that she's upset. That's, you know, ten a penny. But it's that she has to pull herself together."

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It's true. The conflict in the scene is between her wanting to break down and her wanting to keep her family's Christmas memories happy and intact. She is a devastated wife, but she's also a devoted mother who doesn't want to devastate her kids. We feel the tension between those two roles and the way she swallows up her grief in order to get her kids to their holiday concert right after finding out her marriage isn't what she thought it was.

"I think it’s to do with the fact that we’re required in our lives to repress the things that we’re feeling," Thompson explained on TODAY. "So, you can be hit right between the eyes with some terrible piece of news, but you can’t react immediately because you’ve got your children there. It’s that thing of not showing — that’s why it hurts. That’s why it moves us."

"If she went, 'Oh my God! I thought you were going to give me a necklace! And now you've given it to somebody else,' we would not be moved, you know?" she continued. "We're moved because she just goes, 'I'm not gonna do it.' And then she makes the bed, the bed that sort of suddenly feels so empty of meaning. And then she goes down and goes, 'Hello, everyone! Let's go.' That's why people identify."

And the way she plays it is perfect. Any actor can cry, but it's her crying while trying not to cry and how she shows us her inner emotional turmoil without her ever saying a single word that's impressive.

If you've never seen "Love Actually" and want to see the Harry and Karen story, here are just their scenes.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Some people have asked whether Harry actually physically cheated or not, but "Love Actually" script editor Emma Freud clarified that he did. "DEFINITELY had an affair," she wrote on X in 2015. "I begged richard just to make it a flirtation, but no. the whole way."

And did Harry and Karen stay together in the end? The film doesn't really make it clear, but at the screening Freud answered the question: “They stay together but home isn’t as happy as it once was.” Oof. There's just no non-heartbreaking answer to that question.

This is why we watch films, though, isn't it? To see our humanity reflected back to us? To feel what the characters feel? To have our hearts broken vicariously so we can have a good cry without going through the actual pain ourselves?

People usually watch romcoms for the romance and comedy and happy endings, though. So here's to Emma Thompson and Alan Rickman for giving us one of the most poignant scenes in cinema in one of the most unexpected places.

This article originally appeared last year.

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