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The 17 harsh truths about aging that people were never 'prepared' for

"How your mind stays young while your body starts to slow down."

via Kindel Media/Pexels

A woman contemplating aging

Many of us feel invincible when we are young, believing we can control the aging process so that we’ll always stay forever young, as Bob Dylan once sang. But there’s a moment when everyone realizes aging is an inevitable process and that, eventually, we will have to deal with a slow decline in our physical and, quite possibly, mental capabilities.

This realization and understanding that we won’t be here forever can profoundly change one’s perspective on life. Even though aging is inevitable, studies show how we think about the process can significantly impact our longevity. People with a positive view of aging live an average of 7.5 years longer than those without.

Things happen as we age that are impossible to describe to younger people. However, a group of Redditors did an excellent job of explaining the truths about aging that they were not “prepared” for in a recent thread that made a lot of people feel seen. A user named sofiagympixie asked the AskReddit forum, “What’s a truth about aging that no one prepared you for?” and it received over 2,700 responses.

A big takeaway is that many people feel like they stop mentally aging at a certain point, usually in their late 20s. Still, the continued physical aging they experience makes them feel like they cannot relate to the person in the mirror.



Here are 17 of the most profound responses to the question: What’s a truth about aging that no one prepared you for?

1. There is an end

"You start to realize the older you get that the end is closer than the beginning and you still feel like you have so much more to do."

"That moment where you start to get a sense that there is an end."

2. It takes energy to keep everything afloat

"No one prepared me for how much energy and time it takes to maintain everything—like health, relationships, and just staying organized. It’s way more work than I expected!"

3. Mind/body detachment

"How your mind stays young while your body starts to slow down. You still feel like the same person you’ve always been, but suddenly you notice little things changing."

"This was such a surprise to me. I really expected to feel psychologically older as I aged. But physically, oh my body has betrayed me... Eyes... hair (gray, but at least I still have it)... back... knees... hips... prostate."



4. The past feels closer than it is

"When you get a flashback of a good memory and you realize that was over 10 years ago."

"When I told my daughter about something I did 24 years ago, I had to pause for a moment."

Time flies isn't just a saying. Psychologists agree that our minds lump time together based on novel experiences. When we are older, the days are a lot more similar than when we were young children. That's why when you're 80, time moves a lot faster than it did when you were 8.

5. Stuck in the wrong time

"I’m 61, and sometimes I feel like this world is not for me anymore. I feel almost like an imposter. For example, I can’t find clothes I like that fit correctly, TV is abhorrent, only old music sounds pleasant, shoes are uncomfortable, I don’t recognize most celebrities or famous people in the news or tabloids, and I don’t understand the need for most new and supposedly exciting products. I’m an educated person, I still work and have an active life. I’m not a recluse. But a little at a time, I feel the world is moving on without me. I finally understand why, in her final years, my mother only watched movies from the 1950s and reminisced about the past more than she talked about the present. Her world was long gone."



6. You lose friends

"If you choose not to have kids, you may end up losing your friends. I turn 40 this year, and my partner and I don't see many folks these days. Parents like to hang out with other parents. And I don't have a grudge, I totally see the value for playdates, etc. But it can be a little lonely."

"To be fair, I have 2 kids and lost a lot of friends because we simply don’t have the time/energy to connect regularly enough to maintain a healthy friendship. It instead falls into an awkward acquaintance stage where enough time passes between communication, and you’re not sure if reaching out to connect comes across weird."

7. Your parents are aging, too

"It's not just you who is getting old. Your parents are getting even older."

"I feel this. Lost my mom 2 weeks before my 21st birthday. 40 now with 2 kids. I get angry/sad at a lot of milestones like my wedding and kids' stuff ‘cause my mom was robbed of them, and I was robbed of her."

8. Time wasted caring about other people's opinions

"It’s so freeing when that old twinge of 'why don’t they like me' pops up, and then I remember that I can not be bothered by that anymore, and magically, I don’t care!"

"Just wasting time in general. No thanks. I want to do as many things as possible!"



9. Your friends die

"Your friends start to die. It's something I never thought about."

10. Time flies

"Man. I don’t even feel like the days are long anymore. I just keep blinking and the weeks go by."

"Yup, wake up, eat breakfast, do a couple things. Wait, it’s lunch already? Eat lunch, do a couple more things, time to prep dinner. Eat dinner, clean up, fix a few things, it’s 9 pm. I guess it’s almost time to get ready for bed? This times 10,000 for me."

11. The monotony sets in

"You will realize that you hate planning meals and making food every single day. It's boring, and it's too easy to fall into monotony. But you have to make lunch again and then plan for dinner again then make dinner again and what do you want to eat tomorrow so you plan for breakfast tomorrow and get up and make breakfast again and then plan for lunch again...."

12. You become invisible to much of society

"I wondered what felt off the last year. Gen Z is everywhere now, and I'm still asking myself when that happened."



13. Adults aren't real

"When you're a kid, you can't wait to 'grow up,' and then you do, and you're still you, just older. That voice inside your head doesn't change, but what you see in the mirror does. Only now you're just older and saddled with bills and stress and all of life's 'surprises.' On top of this, everyone is winging it. Absolutely everyone. Because the idea of order and a civilized society is an illusion. We're all playing by made up rules and making imaginary money and all the rest of it. A one-dollar bill costs just as much to print as a hundred-dollar bill."

14. Priorities change

"Things that seemed so important when you were younger, really are not important."

15. Younger people's reverence

"I'm middle-aged, and a funny thing is how younger people get self-conscious or apologize when there is no need. For example, they will apologize for swearing around me or mentioning something like (gasp) drinking, or drugs, or sleeping around. I think it's funny. Why would being on earth longer make me easier to scandalize? I've seen and done things that would shock them, lol, but to them I'm a very proper-looking classy older lady."

16. Ageism

"Doors start closing once you reach a certain age."

"Ageism is real. I just turned 50 and am in a young person's career (software development). I feel how hiring managers look at me when asked to turn my camera on, during an interview that was going very well and suddenly it's 'we'll get back to you.'"

17. It all catches up

"Things like drinking, eating unhealthily, smoking, spending ... they will catch up. When you're young you think you're different, or you think that when it does catch up you'll be old so who cares, I won't care when I'm old anyway. You will care, though. You'll still be you. Those things won't seem like an issue right up to the moment they are. And then it's too late to take them back."

This article originally appeared last year.
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15 hard truths that once people accepted them, their lives got so much better

"Not all friendships last."

via Liza Summer/Pexels

A woman learns a harsh truth about her friends.

A significant part of adulthood is realizing that many uncomfortable truths are indeed real, even if we wish they weren’t. At first, these harsh truths may dampen our spirits and make us feel that the world is a bit colder. However, understanding some of life's hard lessons opens us up to greater possibilities and can help us overcome the obstacles holding us back.

Harsh truths help us realize when relationships aren’t as great as they can be. They also prevent us from having too much faith in people and institutions that will ultimately disappoint us. Knowing dark truths can also help us appreciate the things that are truly beautiful, honest, and good. A Redditor named Rare_Can_5418 asked the AskReddit forum, “What difficult truths, the sooner you accept them, the better your life will be?” and received over 6,500 responses. Many of them were centered around harsh truths about relationships and the fact that even if we do our best in life, we can still end up with the short end of the stick.



The key is to keep going and never let failure get you down.

Here are 15 of the “difficult truths” that made people’s lives a lot better.

1. Stop comparing yourself

"There will always be someone better looking, better educated, younger, more experienced, more intelligent or wealthier than you. Do your best, live without regret, have empathy and kindness, give when you can, expecting nothing in return. Focus on your heart value more than what others have."

"Comparison is the thief of joy."

2. Some people won't like you

"You can be sweetest, juiciest peach on the tree. But some people don't like peaches."

"In Spanish, there's a saying: 'Nadie es moneda de oro para que lo quiera todo el mundo,' which translates to something like nobody is a gold coin to be liked/wanted by everyone else."

3. Things are just things

"They don’t have feelings. They don’t care if you give them away or sell them or throw them out. If a thing is useful, keep it. If not, get rid of it."

Psychologists refer to perceiving that inanimate objects have feelings as anthropomorphizing. Psych Central says that humans project feelings onto objects to relate to them more deeply. "People generally anthropomorphize to make sense of events and behaviors they experience. Further, attributing emotions, attitudes, mental states, faces, and values to non-human things can help you feel connected to something," Sarah Barkley writes in a PhD-reviewed article.



4. Not all friendships last

"Surprisingly though, the ones that last are not necessarily the best (or even good) ones."

"Most friendships are based on convenience, I've found. Unless two people are willing to put in a lot of effort, time and distance will do more to end a friendship than any disagreement."

5. You may be the bad guy

"You can do your best with someone and still be the villain in their story."

"One of my current favourite memes is: I don't care if I'm the villain in your story, you're the clown in mine."

6. You can't change people

"You can only help people who actually want it. If they’re not ready to change or put in the effort, there’s not much you can do. Realizing this can save you a lot of frustration and help you focus on people who actually appreciate your help."

"It’s always tough having those friends who are constantly complaining but doing nothing to address what they are complaining about. But as an adult, you just have to sit there and listen. No point in offering help to someone who isn’t asking for it. Kinda like how it’s really tough to teach someone who isn’t interested in being taught."

7. How we judge

"We judge ourselves by our intentions. We judge others by their actions."

"In psychology, this is called fundamental attribution error."

The Fundamental Attribution Error is a psychological phenomenon where we assume someone's actions reflect their personality without considering the situation. It's like when we blame someone's driving skills for being in an accident instead of the curvy road.



8. Depending on people

"Once you're an adult, there really isn't anyone you can 100% depend on except yourself. There will still be people in your life to lean on, but everyone has their limits in how they can help you."

9. Nice doesn't equal good

"Nice people aren't always good people."

"One of my bosses doesn't greet/make small talk and is known for being quite firm. He's been the most helpful throughout my most difficult period dealing with tragedy. Some people with that personality type simply get things done when you need them done without the chattering."

10. Everything is temporary

"You can suddenly lose anything and anyone at any time...and maybe all at once or in quick succession without so much warning."

11. Nobody is thinking about you

"In general, people in the real world are oblivious to you. You're not even a blip on their radar. If you're insecure about something you wear or how you look, remember: nobody cares."



12. No one is coming to save you

"No one is coming to save you, so you have to do it all yourself."

"And once you internalize this and do it, your self-esteem will be through the roof."

13. Nobody knows what they're doing

"Before i graduated high school I thought, thank god, I finally won’t have to deal with annoying obnoxious kids and I’ll be treated like an adult, I come to find out 95% of adults are worse then the actual kids, nobody knows what they’re actually doing and life is actually a big joke."

14. Love is reciprocal

"If a romantic interest is not giving you the same attention/respect you give them, they don't really care about or want you, and you're in for a world of hurt if you keep telling yourself otherwise."

15. Who's good for you?

"People who are good for you will make you feel happy, joyful, accepted, cared for, and filled with fun times, despite any differences. People who are not good for you will make you feel anxious, sad, down, slighted, judged, and never check in on you if you're not okay, and won't even bother noticing when you're not okay. Genuine people will never let you suffer in silence or watch you suffer. Stay away from those who make you feel negative emotions and thoughts."


This article originally appeared last year.
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A former QAnon believer answers all your questions about how the cult really works

How they lure people in and how he got himself out.

Photo by Ehimetalor Akhere Unuabona on Unsplash

Several years ago, you wouldn't have known what QAnon was unless you spent a lot of time reading through comments on Twitter or frequented internet chat rooms. Now, with prominent Q adherents making headlines for storming the U.S. Capitol and elements of the QAnon worldview spilling into mainstream politics, the conspiracy theory/doomsday cult has become a household topic of conversation.

Many of us have watched helplessly as friends and family members fall down the rabbit hole, spewing strange ideas about Democrats and celebrities being pedophiles who torture children while Donald Trump leads a behind-the-scenes roundup of these evil Deep State actors. Perfectly intelligent people can be susceptible to conspiracy theories, no matter how insane, which makes it all the more frustrating.

A person who was a true believer in QAnon mythology (which you can read more about here) recently participated in an "Ask Me Anything" thread on Reddit, and what they shared about their experiences was eye-opening. The writer's Reddit handle is "diceblue," but for simplicity's sake we'll call them "DB."

A group of people belonging to a Qanon splinter group stand in a lineQanon splinter group | Marc Nozell | Flickrwww.flickr.com

DB explained that they weren't new to conspiracy theories when QAnon came on the scene. "I had been DEEP into conspiracy for about 8 years," they wrote. "Had very recently been down the ufo paranormal rabbit hole so when Q really took off midterm for trump I 'did my research' and fell right into it."

DB says they were a true believer until a couple of years ago when they had an experience that snapped them out of it:

"It was a couple of posts made by Q on the chans that seemed highly suspicious because of how ignorant they were of technology. Q posts often had weird syntax as a kind of code

    • Kind Of [writing like this] as if there was [a secret] in using brackets To Tell The Truth.

One morning Q claimed to have shut down 7 FBI super computers (named after the seven dwarves no less) via satellite hacking and all the rabid fans ate it up, claiming that "their internet was running a little bit faster)

FBI Super Computer ::SLEEPY::[[OFFLINE]]

alarm bells went off in my head because, come on, that's not how any of this works. Using elementary school syntax form To SpeLl a [[Secret Code ]] felt fishy, and claiming your email in rural Montana loaded faster because seven super computers got shut down by remote hacking was a bridge too far for me. I realized that most of the Q believers I had seen were Boomers with no idea how technology works or people my age with no idea how computers operate. That day, I Googled Q Anon Debunked and got out."


Episode 1 Mind Blown GIF by The OfficeGiphy

If simply Googling "QAnon Debunked" were enough to get QAnoners to deprogram themselves, why don't more of them do it? That's the tricky part. DB explains several elements to Q belief that keeps people in it. A big part of what primed DB to accept conspiracy thinking was a fundamentalist Christian upbringing.

"Theories about evil evolution, science denial and The End of The world rapture return of Christ stuff is all pretty crazy too," wrote DB, who moved to a more progressive version of Christianity after leaving QAnon behind. "There's a strong link between the two."

There's also some "perverse comfort" in conspiracy theories like QAnon, DB wrote, "because of the false sense of order and purpose it brings to the world. Either the world is a boardgame chess match between Good and Evil forces working behind the scenes, and you might be a pawn but at least you are on The Right Side or you admit that the world is a mess, nobody is in charge, there is no grand battle of good and evil behind the scenes and your life has less purpose and order than you hoped."

They also said overconfidence and arrogance play a big role in people staying in the QAnon world, as well as the belief that you are the one engaging in critical thinking while everyone else is a mindless sheep.

"At this point the problem isn't Q, it's gullible people who lack critical thinking skills and gain a massive ego boost in thinking they have secret in that the sheeple don't know," DB wrote.

"Worth noting, conspiracy thinking hooks the brain because it feels like critical thinking. Even though it isn't."

That piece right there really is key.

Turn The Page GIF by U.S. National ArchivesGiphy

As another user explained, the "do your own research" concept works to reinforce conspiracy theories while making people think they're coming to conclusions on their own, thanks to the way search engines and social media algorithms work:

"The idea behind the 'research' is that you are more likely to believe a source if YOU stumble upon it yourself vs if I tell you -go watch this video.

So if I tell you Hillary is a lizard person, watch this video ... It's easy to watch and dismiss me as a crazy that saw a dumb video. BUT ... if I tell you Hillary is a lizard person, but don't take my word for it - google it yourself.... and you come across hundreds of videos and articles about Hillary being a lizard person - that makes it all the more believable. Especially since there's so many articles saying Hillary is NOT a lizard person. If it wasn't true, why would people be making videos and articles 'debunking' it?

And the debunk articles are appearing higher in searches than the articles saying she is. Why is that? Is big tech in on it to ....and you see where this is going.

So their 'research' is just a way of manipulating people."

DB shared that it was hard to admit that they'd been played by a baseless conspiracy theory. "It's NOT easy realizing you've been conned, been a rube, been taken in," they wrote. "It was massively humbling to realize I'd been a sucker."

However, they are also surprised to see how much "crazier" QAnon has gotten, as when they left a couple of years ago they were "certain it would all be over soon." They weren't a "storm the Capitol" kind of believer, but rather a "snicker quietly to myself in my bedroom because those sheeple don't know the truth" type.

DB explained that they keep themselves away from the edge of the rabbit hole now by embracing doubt and different ideas and have added "some fucking worldview humility" to their life.

"The problem with fundamentalist religions, cults, and conspiracy theories is they all demonize doubt and are all so absolutely certain that they have the total truth of reality figured out. I hold my beliefs much more humbly now, I acknowledge that I could be wrong," they wrote.

"I read more widely and expose myself to the ideas of others, so that I don't end up in an echo chamber."

As for how to help others get out? DB said that arguing with a QAnon adherent, especially online, is a waste of time—and their simple explanation for why makes perfect sense:

"I don't think they can be reasoned out of beliefs they were not reasoned into."

There's no way to rationalize with irrational beliefs, unfortunately. DB suggests if you have loved ones who've fallen down the rabbit hole that you maybe try asking them questions using Street Epistemology techniques (which you can read about here), avoid confronting and trying to reason with them (because it's simply not effective), and continue loving them (while setting boundaries about what you're willing to listen to) so they have a stable place to land if and when they are able to extricate themselves.

You can read the entire Reddit thread of Q and A here.

As frustrating as it is to see people we know fall for kooky conspiracy theories, seeing that it's possible for someone to get out offers a ray of hope that they aren't necessarily gone for good.


This article originally appeared four years ago.

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People cast their vote for which fictional character would make the best president

Make it so.

Wikipedia

Leslie Knope, Jean-Luc Picard and Kermit the Frog.

A thread on Ask Reddit posed the question: Which fictional character would make a great U.S.A. president? Some answers were simple and lighthearted. Others were drawn out and thoughtful. Some characters are well-known. Others are a bit more obscure. Regardless, it’s a fun read and offers an insightful way to look at what it really means to be a leader.

Optimus Prime—Transformers

transformersoptimus prime GIFGiphy

This comment was so passionate I had to keep the entire thing:

“He's the perfect balance of introspection, deliberation, decisive action, compassion, toughness, fighting spirit, humility, and inspires others to greatness not because of his ego, but because he sincerely wants the best for everyone. He's eloquent enough to work with intellectuals, strong enough to keep corruption out, hard working and honest enough to connect with and inspire the working classes, and an absolute paragon of ethics. When it comes down to it, he puts his own ass on the line without hesitation. I'd vote for Optimus Prime. I'd work on his campaign staff. I'd canvas for Optimus. I'd fight his fights. He's the heroic leader we need. I wish he were here.” – Cephelopodia

Jean-Luc Picard—Star Trek: The Next Generation

jean luc picard, star trek next generationWell Done Reaction GIFGiphy

“Make it so” is an awfully good campaign slogan.

“This character has informed so much of what I think of as the political ideal that's it's almost absurd.” – Tactius_AMP

Aragorn—The Lord of the Rings

lotr, aragornthe lord of the rings GIFGiphy

The King of Gondor rallied some intense loyalty and humorous political banter.

“He would have my allegiance until my sons, sons die.” – Radda210

“Well, he’s got eight years.” – AutismFractal

Captain Raymond Holt—Brooklyn 99

brooklyn 99Season 8 Nbc GIF by Brooklyn Nine-NineGiphy

The stoic, pragmatic and serious-to-the-point-of-absurd police captain would bring a level of sophistication to the role. Plus he stands up for what he thinks is right.

The only drawback is we might have the more frivolous holidays cancelled. Like Christmas.

President Josiah Bartlet—The West Wing

west wing, aaron sorkinThe West Wing Lesson GIF by HBO MaxGiphy

“During 2020 with all the presidential speeches that sounded non presidential, I kept thinking that we needed a couple of Josiah Barlet speeches during that time.” – southdakotagirl

Uncle Iroh—Avatar: The Last Airbender

avatar last air bender, uncle irohAnimated GIFGiphy

For those not familiar with "Avatar: The Last Airbender," Uncle Iroh was a fan favorite, arguably for being the show’s moral compass and source of wisdom. Which was pretty remarkable, considering he was technically on the “bad side.”

“Calm, wise, friendly and best of all he already got all that war crime stuff out of his system years ago. He’d be the best us President in history.” – Lord Noodles

“…Iroh is the benevolent father we need, with quiet dignity and terrifying power.” – spaceman_spyff

Kermit the Frog—The Muppets

muppets, kermitPress Conference Kermit GIFGiphy

“The lovers, the dreamers, and me would vote for him” – DrOddcat

Steve Rogers—Captain America

captain america, steve rodgerscaptain america GIFGiphy

I mean, he does stand for America’s ideals like no other. He has integrity, courage, honesty and let’s not forget stamina. He can do this all day, after all.

Leslie Knope—Parks and Recreation

parks and rec, leslie knopeSeason 1 Leslie GIF by Parks and RecreationGiphy

“Leslie wouldn’t get sucked in to corruption. She would negotiate and compromise, as one should, but she wouldn’t “make deals” like most politicians. Above all else, she would always be honest!” – Happy_Camper45

“And she has binders of plans for everything” – Big_Economy_1729

(Sadly, there were very few female characters I saw on the thread. I’m hoping I just didn’t scroll far down enough.)

Last but not least … Captain Planet

captain planet, 90s cartoonsCaptain Planet Film GIFGiphy

Maybe then we’d take climate change seriously.

Okay, look, maybe it’s impossible for a real-life person to 100% embody these heroic traits. But that’s the beauty of fiction: It reveals our ultimate potential (for both good and bad). It can’t always take into account all the complexities and inevitable drawbacks of the human condition. It can, however, inspire us to be better.

Maybe there is no President Picard or President Rogers out there, but seeing them portrayed in our stories is still important. Observing the virtues they represent (and let’s not forget that they are representations and symbols, rather than multidimensional human beings, after all) might help inspire the next generation of heroes, leaders and politicians. That’s what well-written characters do.

In the meantime, I’ll start working on my campaign for "Ted Lasso"’s Keeley Jones for President.


This article originally appeared four years ago.

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