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People share the most embarrassing things they've ever said and the cringe is delightful

A psychologist explains why those moments stick in our minds.

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A photo ofJohnny Depp in 2020.

There's never a dearth of cringe when it comes to the embarrassing stories we all (or at least most of us) have. In sharing those stories, maybe we can't completely mend humanity, but it's nice to not feel so alone.

So, I'll start. I went to the premiere of the movie Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street on the Paramount lot many years ago. The film's star, Johnny Depp, was making the rounds with his publicist and they were almost to my tiny table. My breath got shallow, my eyes watered from anxiety. My boyfriend at the time told me to "chill"—which always helps a person chill. I did not chill. He said, "Just tell him you liked the movie." I thought, yes, that's what I'll say. But when we were finally face to face, I completely panicked. And instead of something appropriate like "How 'bout that Sondheim?" I said, and this is exact, "We're both wearing hats." He looked at me, gently, and agreed that yes, we were both wearing hats. I added, now feeling more at ease, "They are brown hats."

 Johnny Depp, brown hat, premiere, movie star, celebrity Johnny Depp at Pirates of the Caribbean event | Andy ...  www.flickr.com  

I couldn't make eye contact with my boyfriend the entire ride home.

There are so many online threads dedicated to embarrassing things people have said over the years. You know, the ones that stick in your mind, well…forever. In the r/AskReddit thread, someone simply posited, "What's the most embarrassing thing you've ever said or done?"

The replies range from adorable to downright high-alert awkwardness. Cutely, this person shares, "I once called my teacher 'dad' once."

Also in school, but less wholesome, this person had an oopsie in Home Economics. "In middle school cooking class we had to come up with the name of our fake restaurant in groups. We decided on the Chum Bucket from SpongeBob. I had to go type it in to be displayed on the giant screen—yep, I typed 'C-- Bucket' on accident. I don’t think I even knew what that word meant yet."

 spongebob, cartoons, happy dance, Nickelodeon, cringe GIF by SpongeBob SquarePants  Giphy Nickelodeon  

And since we're talking about school days, here's one more from my personal vault. In 9th grade, Brian, on whom I had the biggest crush, offered to walk me from World History to English—complete with carrying my bookbag, like it was the 1950s. I struggled to find anything to say, as I was so nervous, and finally, after wracking my brain, asked, "So what school do you go to?" I asked this of the guy carrying my books in the SCHOOL WE WENT TO.

A few other Redditors got racy with their confessions. "Let someone use my phone to look up something. Forgot the last thing I did was watch porn and that was the tab that was open." A Redditor responded to that with, "One time I forgot to close the tab, got in my car with my buddy, my phone auto-connected to Bluetooth... you see where I'm going with this."

And this one takes the spatula. "I accidentally spanked my fiancé in front of his mother." (It's later explained she didn't realize the mother was in the room.)

Now here's a sweet one that could happen to anyone. "Once, I was talking to someone I thought was a long-lost friend, and I went on about how much I missed them. Turns out, it was a complete stranger who just had the same name. I still think about how red my face was when I realized."

 hugging, friendship, awkward, cringe, gif Two people embrace in an awkward hug   Giphy  

Psychologist David J. Hallford explains in his Psychology Today article "Why Do I Remember Embarrassing Things I've Done... and why do I feel ashamed all over again?" that these thoughts and feelings are common. "We’ve all done it—you’re walking around going about your business and suddenly you’re thinking about that time in high school you said something really stupid you would never say now."

But digging into why these memories pop up is rather interesting. "Memories might share a type of context (different beaches you’ve been to, restaurants you’ve eaten at), occur at similar periods of life (childhood, high school years), or have emotional and thematic overlap (times we have felt close to or argued with others)." In other words, as our brains were developing, synapses connected and emotions ran high. That explains why so many "embarrassing" memories seem to come from our younger years.

That, and well, wearing a hat with Johnny Depp.

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Health

Perceptive guy has a lightening-strike realization about why boys aren't raised to be men

We're emphasizing the wrong things.

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A man can't seem to understand his emotions.

A TikToker named Divunsolicited is catching a lot of attention for a video where he explains a big way that society is hurting both men and women by the way we are raising boys. “A harsh reality is most men are not taught to be men when they're growing up as boys,” Divunsolicited says. “They're just taught how not to be women.” The realization came after he heard his aunt tell his cousin not to do something because “that’s what girls do.”

First, telling a boy not to do something because girls do it, regardless of the behavior, is both denigrating to women and teaching children inappropriate gender stereotypes. It also begs a fundamental question: If I’m not supposed to do girly things? What’s the appropriate thing to do as a boy, who will one day be a man?

“You always hear, don't cry, that's what girls do. Oh, you throw like a girl. Oh, girls are emotional,” Divunsolicited continued. “Only girls do that. Oh, you. You care about what you look like. That's what girls do. Or you wash your face and use face lotion and. And use moisturizer. That's what girls do.”

@adivunsolicited

most boys are raised how not to be girls but never really taught how to be men, there's so much discovery and figuring out how to manage your emotions, how to express yourself and how to become a good man #blacktiktok #parentsoftiktok #millennial #raisingboys #explorer #fypシ゚viral

He goes on to make the point that because there is such a stigma for boys who behave in a feminine way, it leaves them emotionally stunted as men because they aren’t allowed to show their emotions. “So what happens is, I think men become these repressed adults that become irrationally emotional until they act out,” Divunsolicited says. "And that's when you get fist fights, that's when you get men punching the wall. That's when you get men crashing out.”

Psychologists agree that when men can't express their emotions in a healthy way, they experience a "covert depression" that manifests as apathy, boredom, cynicism, and a limited range of emotions.

How to teach positive masculine traits

So, what are some positive, positive masculine characteristics that we should be teaching young boys? A group of researchers created a framework for teaching school-age boys positive masculine traits, and they came up with these 3 ways to “be”:

Being connected — To the self and others, forming interpersonal relationships based on respect, open communication, and non-violence.
Being motivated — Intrinsic motivation to engage with and contribute effectively to society beyond social pressures.
Being authentic — Comfort in enacting commitment to one’s values. Capacity to adopt flexibility around the emotional restriction and stoicism in help-seeking.

fathers and sons, positive masculinty, soccerA father and son watching a soccer match. via Canva/Photos

“From this mindset, we have courage, confidence, and the flexibility to hear others and even learn that we might be wrong,” Nick Norman, LICSW, writes for Psychology Today. “Our worth is no longer on trial, constantly measured against a suffocating definition of manhood. Instead, we are grounded within ourselves and can approach the world from a place of integrity and compassion, both for others and ourselves.”

Divunsolicited understands that many men were taught the wrong way to express their feelings as children. Still, he believes that things are headed in the right direction because millennials are raising a generation of men who have a healthier connection to their emotions. “And I think the more men are able to have and express themselves the more they're impart that until their children,” he concludes the video.

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Education

Teacher 'ready to quit' after being forced to deal with 'every feeling' her students have

“Maybe I'm getting too old for this modern bubble wrapping of kids emotions."

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A teacher can't handle another minute of dealing with her classroom.

In post-pandemic America, a majority of teachers believe that education is heading in the wrong direction. Among their greatest concerns are children's dependence on smartphones, a growing sense of entitlement among students and parents, low pay, and growing mental health behavioral problems among students.

These problems have made many teachers consider new professions. A 2023 poll of 1,200 teachers found that 40% of public school teachers have either seriously considered leaving the profession or are planning to do so by the end of the year. Nearly all said they understand why other teachers have quit.

A veteran teacher recently admitted she was ready to quit her job at a private high school. The problem is that the school has ceded power to its counselors, who have made their students’ feelings the top priority. This makes the classroom nearly impossible to manage.

teachers, teachers quit, educationA stressed math teacher.via Canva/Photos

“The counselors believe every student's feeling needs to be acknowledged,” the teacher wrote. “If a student is talking while the teacher is talking and a teacher tells them to stop they complain to their counselor that their teacher is picking on them. The counselor acknowledges their feelings as ‘real’ and repeatedly tells them their feelings are ok. That feelings are never wrong to have.”

“These kids are high school age and are smart enough to weaponize this power. They've already made me cry once this year and I had another teacher come to my room crying,” the teacher continued. “I'm thinking about quitting either soon or in December. Is this a new trend in education? I know kids and parents have changed, but I've never worked at a school where the counselors make it so much worse.”

“Maybe I'm getting too old for this modern bubble wrapping of kids emotions at the expense of others around them,” she concluded her post on Reddit’s Teacher’s forum.

The school counselors appear to be pushing an idea recently popular in psychology circles: feelings should always be honored and never questioned. Michael Karson, Ph.D., refers to this as the "Tyranny of Emotion" in Psychology Today. "Privileging emotion is like privileging one’s own hunger or lust, an essentially narcissistic approach to gratification that leaves others at the mercy of one’s whims. Instead of demanding compliance with our feelings, we ought to be learning how to manage them," he writes.

teachers, teachers quit, educationA super stressed teacher.via Canva/Photos

The teacher’s story rallied a lot of support for her, with fellow educators chiming in to explain the phenomenon she’s experiencing and share examples of how they’re handling it.

One of the teachers believes that the overwhelming focus on feelings will lead to real problems for students as they age.

"I really resent that teaching has been conflated with therapy. We are not trained to nurture the emotions of 30 children simultaneously, while also teaching them. I couldn't do it. I don't do it. … It sounds like instead of just 'acknowledging' feelings, there is some entitlement attached to having a feeling. That students and the councelling department have run with the idea that feelings are facts and need constant accommodation. It's not a helpful practice to amplify teenagers negative emotions and put them on a pedestal, to the point where they are aware of how to manipulate adults. Students need support... with professionals and family.

The repercussions of this bubble zone will manifest in negative ways throughout adulthood. Students will become entitled, defensive, righteous, self-involved, disappointed when faced with challenges where their feelings aren't valued.

Another teacher noted that the over-emphasis on feelings neglects other important parts of social-emotional learning (SEL).

"Uh no. SEL has 5 core competencies. The first is self-awareness. Yes, the students should have feelings and feelings are important. The second competency is self-management. Now that we've identified this feeling, how can we self-regulate so we can still be productive in class? It seems your counseling department only got 20% of the training on SEL? Lol."

Another commenter helped make sense of the situation by suggesting a practical way forward for the teacher.

“I would ask and email your admin about it. Tell them your situation and how its affecting instruction. If they have your back, there you go. If they don't, I'd quit.”

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Health

Experienced psychologist says this overlooked trait is 'essential' when making small talk

It'll make people think you're captivating.

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Some folks chit-chatting at a party.

Making small talk with someone you don’t know very well can cause a lot of anxiety. What if you get stuck in a boring conversation about the weather? What if the conversation loses momentum and you both stand there silently? What if the person thinks that you’re boring?

Psychologist Jennice Vilhauer, Ph. D., has some great advice to make you feel better equipped to talk with a stranger at a party or on a first date. The big takeaway is that people will find you interesting, not necessarily because of what you say but how you make them feel. Vilhauer says that curiosity is one of the most vital conversation skills most people don’t consider.

Vilahuer is the developer of Future Directed Therapy (FDT) and author of the best-selling “Think Forward to Thrive: How to Use the Mind's Power of Anticipation to Transcend Your Past and Transform Your Life.”



What’s the best way to make small talk?

“One of the most underrated skills that can transform your dating life is curiosity,” Vilhauer writes in Psychology Today. “Not only does curiosity provide you with important information and make you a better conversationalist, but it also signals interest, openness and emotional intelligence—qualities that create deeper relationships.”

The funny thing is that, according to Vilhauer, most people aren’t taking advantage of this conversation superpower.

“It is surprising how many people report going on dates where the other person only talks about themself,” Vilhauer continues. “The talker might be having a great time because they enjoy being listened to. The other person, however, feels like the talker is disinterested, and he/she is probably quickly losing interest, too. Dating someone who doesn’t ask questions can feel like talking to a wall. Everyone, no matter who they are, has a story and wants to be understood.”



The key to being curious in a conversation is to ask plenty of open-ended questions that encourage the person to give a detailed response. If you’re talking to someone and they say, “I was born in Omaha, Nebraska.” Don’t counter with, “Great, I was born in Milwaukee.” The best thing to say is, “That’s cool. What did you like about Omaha?” or “Do you miss living in the Midwest?”

Here are some examples of open-ended questions that make you appear courteous.

“How did that make you feel?”

“What are they like?” (When they bring up a person from their life.)

“What’s your favorite memory of (thing from the past they discussed)?”

“What did you do next?”

If you show that you are genuinely curious, the person you’re talking to will take a shine to you because people enjoy sharing about themselves. They’ll also appreciate that you took the time to get to know them. Even if they spoke most of the conversation, they’d go home thinking, “Wow. They were really interesting.”

How much should I talk in a conversation?

This advice comes with a caveat. You shouldn’t be listening 100% of the time. Studies show that the best ratio for talking to listening is 43 to 57, so you let the other person do most of the speaking, but be sure to share about yourself as well.

Being curious in conversations isn't just about making the other person feel good. It also gives the conversation a greater chance to move from surface-level details, such as basic biographical information or what they do for a living, into the world of specific experiences, ideas and perspectives.

Curiosity can take your small talk and elevate to medium talk and even deep conversation.


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