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Mental Health

Motivation expert explains how two simple words can free you from taking things personally

You don't need to take responsibility for everything and everyone.

via TEDx SF/Flickr and TEDx SF/Flickr

Mel Robbins making a TED Talk.

Towards the end of The Beatles’ illustrious but brief career, Paul McCartney wrote “Let it Be,” a song about finding peace by letting events take their natural course. It was a sentiment that seemed to mirror the feeling of resignation the band had with its imminent demise.

The bittersweet song has had an appeal that has lasted generations, and that may be because it reflects an essential psychological concept: the locus of control. “It’s about understanding where our influence ends and accepting that some things are beyond our control,” Jennifer Chappell Marsh, a marriage and family therapist, told The Huffington Post. “We can’t control others, so instead, we should focus on our own actions and responses.”

This idea of giving up control (or the illusion of it) when it does us no good was perfectly distilled into two words that everyone can understand: "Let Them." This is officially known as the “Let Them” theory. Podcast host, author, motivational speaker and former lawyer Mel Robbins explained this theory perfectly in a vial Instagram video posted in May 2023.

See on Instagram

“I just heard about this thing called the ‘Let Them Theory,’ I freaking love this,” Robbins starts the video.

“If your friends are not inviting you out to brunch this weekend, let them. If the person that you're really attracted to is not interested in a commitment, let them. If your kids do not want to get up and go to that thing with you this week, let them.” Robbins says in the clip. “So much time and energy is wasted on forcing other people to match our expectations.”

“If they’re not showing up how you want them to show up, do not try to force them to change; let them be themselves because they are revealing who they are to you. Just let them – and then you get to choose what you do next,” she continued.

The phrase is a great one to keep in your mental health tool kit because it’s a reminder that, for the most part, we can’t control other people. And if we can, is it worth wasting the emotional energy? Especially when we can allow people to behave as they wish and then we can react to them however we choose?

@melrobbins
Stop wasting energy on trying to get other people to meet YOUR expectations. Instead, try using the “Let Them Theory.” 💥 Listen now on the #melrobbinspodcast!! “The “Let Them Theory”: A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About” 🔗 in bio #melrobbins #letthemtheory #letgo #lettinggo #podcast #podcastepisode

How you respond to their behavior can significantly impact how they treat you in the future.

It’s also incredibly freeing to relieve yourself of the responsibility of changing people or feeling responsible for their actions. As the old Polish proverb goes, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.”

“Yes! It’s much like a concept propelled by the book ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k.’ Save your energy and set your boundaries accordingly. It’s realizing that we only have “control” over ourselves and it’s so freeing,” one viewer wrote.

“Let It Be” brought Paul McCartney solace as he dealt with losing his band in a very public breakup. The same state of mind can help all of us, whether it’s dealing with parents living in the past, friends who change and you don’t feel like you know them anymore, or someone who cuts you off in traffic because they’re in a huge rush to go who knows where.

The moment someone gets on your nerves and you feel a jolt of anxiety run up your back, take a big breath and say, “Let them.”

let them theory, let it be, paul mccartney, the beatles, exhale the beatles wave GIFGiphy

This article originally appeared last year.

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Parenting

Mom sparks debate when she says she no longer brings snacks and water when out with her 3-year-old

The teachers loved the idea. Not all the parents were convinced.

Canva Photos

A mom went viral for explaining why she won't bring snacks and water on short outings with her 3-year-old

It's a struggle all parents run into eventually. It becomes too much, and far too annoying, to be responsible for every aspect of your children's lives and well-being. At some point, they need to start taking ownership over the things that are important to them. When they hit the age where they begin to really care about what they wear? They better be involved in doing their own laundry! Got soccer practice? Better remember to get dressed and pack your bag before it's time to go.

Mom and dad can't be the only ones keeping everyone on track 24/7. But, of course, this is a battle that's fought both in our homes and in American culture at large. Kids are less independent now than the were in previous generations. Fewer kids walk to school or play outside unsupervised. And some say that it shows.

One mom is using a "harsh" parenting technique to instill this kind of independence in her kids from an early age.

moms, mothers, parenting, kids, toddlers, babies, consequences, punishment, psychology Some argue that kids need tough love from an early age to learn independence and responsibility. Photo by Gabe Pierce on Unsplash

Chelsea, a professor and homesteader, recently took to TikTok to share some words of wisdom that have helped her in raising her 1- and 3-year-olds without collapsing from constant overwhelm.

"I don't know who needs to hear this but if you have little kids, you have to try one of my favorite recent parenting techniques," she says in the selfie-style video. "This might sound a little crazy or a little crude, but i promise if you listen, I will explain how this has added so much value."

She begins by offering an example of a scenario most parents can relate to.

"The other day we were driving in the car and from the backseat [my 3-year-old] calls 'Mom, I'm hungry!' My response to her when she said she was hungry was 'Oh, did you bring a snack?'"

The essence of Chelsea's independence technique is that she no longer brings snacks, water, or entertainment like books and games on short trips out with her kids. Instead, she pushes them to remember to bring what they need.

"I know, this sounds a little harsh. I promise, I'm not letting them go hungry, I'm not letting them go thirsty," Chelsea says. "They are very hydrated, well fed kids. This is used in very specific scenarios. But what this does is it puts a little bit of the responsibility and the ownership on them."

"Number one, it helps her understand that she has to take some responsibility in bringing something [she needs.]" Though, the mom of two adds that she helps remind her daughter before they leave the house to make sure she has everything she needs.

"I'm helping her prepare, but i'm also teaching her a little bit of a natural consequence. Because if she doesn't bring her water or her snack, then her natural consequence is she doesn't get snack."

After using this technique for a while, Chelsea notices that her daughter will remember on her own far more often. And if she does forget, mom's often got her back. Chelsea states that if her daughter forgets her water and mom just so happens to have one for her, her daughter is incredibly grateful and appreciative. I think all parents would like more of that sentiment from their kids!

Watch the whole clip here:

@sunny_acres_regen_farm
My small contribution to making the next generation less entitled #mom #toddlermom #toddlers #parenting #homestead

The video racked up over 400,000 views and left parents, teachers, and other commenters extremely divided.

Some loved the idea. Teachers, especially, were keen on the idea of kids coming into their classrooms having learned more responsibility and independence at home from a young age:

"I’m a teacher and this will help your children so much. A lot of kids don’t know how to solve problems or take responsibility"

"I’m a kindergarten teacher and I approve this message"

"As a teacher, thank you. I can tell asap when a child had never been responsible for a single thing in their life. Then they get to kinder and are lost bc someone has always done everything for them"

Teachers have a great perspective because they see and work closely with so many kids. They're really plugged in to bigger trends and concerns that affect the entire age group and not just one single kid or family. So when they say kids need to learn more independence early, it's usually a good idea to listen.

Some commenters chimed in that they, themselves, were raised this way, or had used similar approaches successfully with their own kids:

"Seriously, I don’t remember being offered snacks and drinks constantly or having them always around anywhere all the time. If we were out and about a lot of times I had to wait (within reason)"

"I did this with my now adult children. My youngest (18) is constantly shocked by his friends who aren’t like him and his siblings."

Some people, however, had concerns with whether this technique was age-appropriate for a toddler:

moms, mothers, parenting, kids, toddlers, babies, consequences, punishment, psychology It can be tough for toddlers to think ahead about the future consequences of their behavior.Giphy

"my boomer mom said things like this and it created a lot of anxiety that I had to remember to take care of myself and I felt abandoned"

"I dont like this at all! Why should a THREE year old need to be concerned with bringing her own water?"

"a good technique for older kids but i think your kids are too young so it's not a developmentally appropriate expectation"

"A more age appropriate way would be have her help you pack her bag."

These commenters are right in that natural consequences is a very effective parenting technique, but it can also be fraught. There's a fine line between teaching kids responsibility and making them feel like no one is looking out for them. 3-years-old is a really tricky age for this kind of parenting. Toddlers can understand immediate cause-and-effect relationships, but have trouble linking their actions with future consequences. So while there's nothing wrong with introducing concepts of consequences, independence, and responsibility to kids 3 and under, it's important to keep expectations in line with what's age-appropriate.

It sounds like Chelsea's got a good handle on the right balance, but in less-careful hands this kind of approach could be a disaster.

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Parenting

His mother gave him the 'husbands in training' course every parent should give their kids.

Now he's sharing the detailed curriculum.

via Doug Weaver/TikTok

Doug Weaver explains "Husbands in Training" lessons from his mother

Even though the marriage rate in the United States is on a steep decline, chances are that the majority of kids growing up today will get married at some point in their lives. If current trends continue, about half of those will end in divorce.

Research published in the Couple and Family Psychology journal found that the top five reasons for divorce are a lack of commitment, infidelity, too much conflict, getting married young, and financial problems.

Wouldn’t it be great if we were taught from a young age how to be a good spouse so we could avoid these pitfalls? Many of them are totally solvable with good communication and commitment from both parties. But in American culture, most of us aren’t taught the specifics of how to have a happy and healthy marriage. Most of us tend to pick things up from watching the married people in our orbit, most likely our parents.

No comment on how that's going.

husbands, wives, marriage, couples, love, relationships, marriage tips, marriage advice, love stories, men Though people are waiting longer and being more particular about marriage, the divorce rate remains pretty stubborn.Giphy

The other way we learn is by making the mistakes ourselves. By then, it's usually too late. And the data around second and third marriages isn't very promising when you dig into it.

Artist Doug Weaver had a much different upbringing. His mother, Mickey, made a curriculum for him and his two older brothers when they were kids to help them be great husbands when they got married.

You've heard of things like "Mom-Son Date Night" (some dads and daughters do it, too) where mothers will take their boys out on a "date" so they can learn basic chivalry and manners?

Weaver's training was like that on steroids.

See on Instagram

"When I was a kid, my mom did this thing for me and my two older brothers called 'Husbands in Training,'" he explained in a TikTok video that has more than 5.9 million views. "It was a full, multiple-level curriculum on how to be a better husband."

Weaver says the training covered topics from chivalry to eating to a rather uncomfortable discussion on "the ethics of the porn industry." His mother also stressed the importance of listening to women and identifying when another man may be giving them trouble.

"There was a lot of really good stuff in that curriculum," Doug said. "There were things like what to do if your spouse says something and the information they give is wrong. How to handle it if they say something wrong in public versus in private, when it is appropriate to correct them and when it isn't."

Weaver’s mother was also way ahead of her time because she made a big deal about teaching her sons the importance of consent. "We talked about consent, we talked about the basics of respecting and honoring women and listening to women, and all of the things that really just make you a decent human being," Doug explained.

A young Doug must have absolutely hated sitting through conversations with his mom about porn, sex, and consent... but as a grown man, he looks back on the lessons fondly.

@dougweaverart
Husbands in training! #parenting #storytime #story

The lessons were so powerful that even Weaver’s father decided to take the course. "A lot of the things that we were learning from my mom were things that he was never taught growing up,” Weaver said. "So, he decided he also wanted to take 'Husbands in Training.'"

It brings to mind pre-marriage counseling or couples therapy. Programs are often offered (or mandated) through churches, so they aren't usually a great fit for the non-religious. And couples without active "problems" may resist the idea of attending couples therapy due to the stubborn stigma around it.

The course officially ended when Weaver and his brothers got married. "My mom even made certificates of completion that she signed and gave to each of us on our wedding day," he shared in his TikTok clip.

See on Instagram

However, the video Weaver shared was so popular on TikTok that he’s making his mother’s course available to the general public. “After posting about ‘Husbands in Training’ on TikTok, the TT community really wants my mom to produce content about raising boys to be good men,” he wrote on a GoFundMe fundraising campaign in 2022.

The overwhelming response to Weaver’s TikTok has inspired a new YouTube channel to spread Mickey’s lessons far and wide. But it has also made a lot of people realize that teaching people how to be great spouses is a lifelong journey and should be a major part of child-rearing. Learning how to be a good spouse shouldn't just be something we pick up by accident.

As for Doug Weaver, his training appears to be paying off in the form of a happy marriage.

This article originally appeared three years ago.

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Education

Ex-salesman shares 2 clever phrases that will make car dealers leave you alone

They're trained to ignore "I'm just looking."

via Antoni Shkraba/Pexels

A car salesman leaks secret phrases to stop pushy salesmen in their tracks

It can be intimidating to be approached by a salesperson when making a big purchase, such as a car or an appliance. Heck, even much smaller stakes shopping like walking through the mall or browsing jewelry can be wracked with anxiety over potentially running into a pushy salesman. And don't even get me started on the door-to-door variety who come around at dinnertime trying to sell you a new roof.

But it's car salesmen, in particular, who have the worst reputation. They can swoop in like sharks, seeing blood in the water and some refuse to leave you alone, even if you say, “I’m just looking.” The words will not deter them, as they're trained to push past those objectives by pestering with you questions and "encouraging" you to move the sale forward.

A car salesman on TikTok recently went viral with a video explaining why “I’m just looking” doesn’t work on a car lot and, crucially, providing more effective phrases you can use instead.

cars, car salesman, new car, wacky waving inflatable arm tube man, sales, shopping, anxiety The only care salesman I really trust.Giphy

"There's two main reasons, and here's what you should say instead of 'I'm just looking,'" he said in a video with nearly 2 million views. “One is, we hear it every single day. So when somebody tells me, ‘I’m just looking,’ I’m so used to hearing that, I almost like brush it off and ignore it because I’m like, ‘That’s what the customer’s supposed to say.’ “

'Secondly," he goes on, "every car salesman has had a customer say, ‘I’m just looking,’ and we ended up selling them a car."

Instead, Russell suggests you say: "Hey, I’d really like to look alone. Can I please have your business card?"

The second phrase, which is even more clear that you want the salesman to go away, is: “I’m really not in the market for a car.”

These responses are firm and direct, leaving little to no room for interpretation or push back. Watch Russ explain the process and why it works here:

@russflipswhips
Replying to @SoyPablo This is what I would say #carsales #carsalesman #cardealership #carbuyingtips

The post received funny responses from folks who had a few effective ideas of their own:

“The ‘I have 2 repos and no money down' line works wonders,’” one TikToker joked.

“I just tell them my credit score and they run,” another added.

"If 'I’m just looking' doesn’t work, I usually wait until they go home, follow them home, stare into their bedroom window at night, and repeat the line when he comes out to ask what I’m doing," someone commented.

Others chimed in with their own stories, or support of Russ' advice:

cars, car salesman, new car, wacky waving inflatable arm tube man, sales, shopping, anxiety The only people with a worse reputation than car salesmen is used car salesmen!Giphy

"My first week in the business, one of the older guys told me to say 'I’ll look with ya' the first time I used that line, sold a car to the customer’s daughter and upgraded his lease"

"I just say ‘Ill come get you when Im ready’ and if they dont immediately go away, and I do find a car that I want, they will not be the one catching the sale."

"I once told a salesman I was just looking and ended up leaving with a new car"

Plenty of viewers chimed in that the really good salespeople know when to respect someone's wishes and back off. If a salesman is too pushy, it can be a huge turnoff for customers — even if they really are almost ready to buy.

In the end, Russell’s suggestions show that sometimes, the best way to get our point across is to be direct and honest. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to shop alone and if the salesperson can respect that request, they deserve the sale if you decide to buy something.

Russ has developed a following of over 750,000 followers giving advice to people in the auto industry and helping customers be prepared for one of the biggest purchases of their lifetime.

@russflipswhips
Asking the right questions when buying a car can save you a lot #carsales #carsalesman #carbuyingtips #cardealership

With so much info at our fingertips, we've come a long way from the days of car salesmen holding all the power and tricking customers with elaborate games and negotiating tricks. But... that doesn't change the fact that, sometimes, we just want to look around without being pressured.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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Modern Families

Australian twins recount dramatic carjacking in news interview—and speak entirely in unison

They know each other so well they're practically one person.

7News Australia/YouTube

The Powers' twins are famous for their unique way of talking as if they're one person

My wife and I like to joke that we know each other so well at this point that it's almost like we share a brain. Having spent so much time together, we can finish each other's sentences and even find ourselves having the same thoughts almost simultaneously. It's common for siblings, family members, and partners to feel like their brains are "in sync" in this way.

But most of us have nothing on an unbelievable set of twins who stumbled into viral fame when a stolen car wrecked near their home and a gun-wielding carjacker stumbled out.

The two sisters who witnessed the incident gave an interview to 7News Australia. Though their story was dramatic, it was the way they told it that made the clip go mega viral.

Throughout the bizarre interview, Bridgette and Paula Powers, who are identical twins, speak almost entirely in unison as they deliver their eyewitness account.

It's truly a sight to behold. At various points in the interview, the sisters finish each other's sentences, speak the same thoughts at the same exact time, and take turns speaking as if they were one single person. They even make the same gestures with their hands and mirror each other's facial expressions.

Lost in the mayhem is the absolutely wild story of the carjacker. If you watch the clip you'll probably find yourself so fascinated by the twins psychic connection that you hardly follow the story at all.

— (@)

The clip racked up nearly seven million views on X with another 300,000 on YouTube. News outlets all over the world including Entertainment Tonight, Fox News, and Inside Edition each ran features on the web-famous twins.

It's actually not the first time the twins have gone viral for their unique speaking style. They're well known in Australia as the "Twinnies," but are relatively new to the rest of the world.

Viewers and commenters all over the Internet were absolutely stunned in the best way. Not only was the joint-speech a cool "party trick," people were touched by the unimaginable connection the two sisters share.

In a follow up interview with 9 News Australia days later, the twins again dressed and spoke in unison.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

They clarified that they always do everything together. Being identical twins means they share the exact same DNA. If their DNA is the same and their day to day experiences are almost exactly the same, you can see why they have such a strong connection. It really is like they exist as one person!

Experts say twins don't exactly have a psychic connection, although it can certainly seem like they do. The closer their DNA (exactly the same, in the case of identical twins) and the more shared experiences they have, the more likely it is that they'll have a brain synergy other people can't really comprehend. Many twins actually create their own language, a phenomenon known as cryptophasia. But even when they speak "normally" bystanders often have a hard time understanding twins' conversations because they can't anticipate each other's thoughts and sentences so well, with the conversation devolving into something unintelligible to outsiders.

The Powers sisters insist that their synchronized speaking is not an act. It's something they do together all day every day. And they don't particularly care if anyone believes them, or if people find them annoying. "If you like us, you like us. If you don't, you don't," the sisters say.

When asked if they ever get sick of each other, the answer came easily for both. "No," they said, shaking their head in unison. "We're best of friends."

And further, they're grateful for the attention, though it's not fame they're after. The twins, who are old friends of the late Steve Irwin's, run a rescue for birds and are happy for their cause to get a little extra exposure any way that it can.

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twins

Joy

25 ways parents have proven that simple acts of love speak volumes for kids

No grand gestures here. Just pure love.

Photo credit: Canva

Two parents kissing their child.

Parenting isn’t about crafting Instagram-worthy lunches, throwing extravagant birthday parties, or any other grandiose gestures. Sure, it can contain some of those things, but in truth, it’s about providing presence, consistency, support, healthy structure, and encouragement.

In fact, some of the best parenting moments—the ones that last with kids forever—don’t cost a dime. That’s certainly the sentiment behind one recent online conversation in which folks were asked to share simple things their parents did that “made them feel loved.”

Whether it involved physically showing up to meaningful events, infusing joy into the mundane, offering a shoulder to cry on, or setting a positive example, the moving stories all show that love manifests itself in various ways.

parents, parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, childhood, nostalgia, modern parenting, parenting resources media1.giphy.com

We all know that kids need stability. So, it’s no wonder that for many folks in the thread, physically showing up to things both big and small held the most weight.

“Either one of my parents tucked me into bed every single night and told me they love me, until I was a teen. Meant the world to me now I think back. Will definitely be doing this when my little one goes into his own room.”

“My dad showed up to everything. Every. Single. Thing. Spelling bee, Girl Scouts, cheerleading. When my cheer games overlapped with Buckeye games, he brought his Walkman to listen to the game while he watched me cheer. He did the Girl Scout camp outs with us. I’m 33 and I know that if I called him right this second to say I needed him, he’d be here immediately.”

parents, parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, childhood, nostalgia, modern parenting, parenting resources A dad holding up their kid at a soccer gamePhoto credit: Canva

“My dad was a very early riser and every Saturday morning he’d go to the grocery store just to get me a maple frosted donut so it would be there when I woke up.”

“My mom was at EVERY game, recital, musical, or other event I was a part of. She volunteered in our classrooms at school, on field trips, or behind the scenes in the productions I was in. She was always working too, but she did everything she could to be there for my extracurriculars and that meant so much.”

Quite a few also recalled how their parents were able to take ordinary things—movie nights, yummy meals, reading stories—and make them feel magical and meaningful.

“We had movie nights on Fridays. We were pretty poor but every Friday, we’d go to little Cesar’s down the road and get a $5 pizza. Then we’d go to the dollar store and get to pick out our favorite $1 candy. We’d go home, watch the movie with our pizza and candy, and then have a camp out in the living room. My brothers and I would fight over who got the couch and who got the hand-me-down recliners haha. We’d also drag out all of our mattresses and sleep in the living room on Christmas Eve. My dad made sure to read us a story every night for years. We’d ride our bikes to the library on Saturday afternoons if he wasn’t working and pick our bedtime stories for the week.”

parents, parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, childhood, nostalgia, modern parenting, parenting resources Family movie night.Photo credit: Canva

“When one of us had a special achievement, we got to use the red plate. We also got to choose what we wanted to eat for dinner that night. It was used for birthdays, awards, reaching goals.. all kinds of stuff. It was a small thing, but also a cool way to celebrate each other’s wins. If you google “the red plate” you can see what a red plate looks like.”

“Ever since I could remember, my dad told me beautiful bedtime stories where I was the main character, and he prompted me to add to the story, keeping things interesting. It helped build our communication and grow my imagination.

“Spaghetti was ready to serve with table set, right as I got home from track practice. The sunsetting rays would come through the windows and I could see the steam coming off food, table set beautifully. This was such a treat as a young teenager, I can replay this scene in my head clear as day. The feeling of emptiness being filled with that warm homemade, healthy meal – yeah, that’s love.”

parents, parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, childhood, nostalgia, modern parenting, parenting resources A family enjoying spaghettiPhoto credit: Canva

“I was raised by my grandparents so they were limited in terms of mobility. However my Gma would always throw such fun birthday parties for me. She’d call the parents of the kids I wanted over, schedule having them meet with her & then on my bday they’d arrive & we’d go to a movie, then Chuck E. cheese, then a sleepover with her homemade cake & staying up as late as we wanted. I can’t wait to be this sort of home when my girls start school 🌟.”

“My parents were able to take me on vacations to most of the national parks near us (we were located in the Midwest). These were NOT fancy trips, we had a cheap pull behind style camper and all food was made on the road (sandwiches, soup, hot dogs etc.) Both my parents were very frugal and we spent very little, but I have the most amazing love and appreciation for nature now.”

“Saturday night treats – every Saturday we’d watch Saturday night tv together as a family, with duvets, lots of snacks like sweets/candy, popcorn, etc, and we could stay up later than usual. It was a fun way to spend quality time together as a family.”

“My mum would read stories to us at night in dim lamp light before bedtime. It was years before I realized she was making up stories as she was reading from a child dictionary. She would also bring us to the library. I felt good because of the effort she put. It also got me into reading. She also made crafts – sat at a low table with us and painted clay objects she made for our dolls. I appreciated the time she spent on this.”

parents, parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, childhood, nostalgia, modern parenting, parenting resources A mom reading a bedtime storyPhoto credit: Canva

There were also many fond memories of parents who found simple ways to make their kids feel seen, valued, and celebrated, whether it be through sweet notes, special personal days, or just using their name in unique ways. And for what it’s worth, these acts of love didn’t only happen in childhood either.

“My mom pulled us out of school one day a year to have a special day with her. She took us out to lunch wherever we wanted to go and then did whatever we wanted to do. Usually i wanted to go shopping and made her wait til after my birthday to have my day because i got birthday money from relatives and i wanted to spend it.”

“My mom would leave sweet notes in our lunches. Not every day but I remember oftentimes getting ‘Happy Friday!’ or ‘Good luck on your game today!’ type of notes. I’m tearing up just thinking about it.”

“My dad would take us out to the local airport and we'd have a picnic in the grass just outside the fence and watch the planes take off. He'd tell us what kind they were and stories about them.”

“One simple thing was whenever my dad ordered food, like from a fast food restaurant, he would always give them my name for the order. I felt so special and grown up to have my name called for the food.”

“My husband and I separated for a little while, three months, and the first two weeks were the hardest. I was so emotional, didn’t eat for a week straight, kept crying, didn’t wanna get out of bed, read constantly just to escape… I was 28.. and my dad bought me little chocolate cake with my name on it just cause he knew I love chocolate cake and he thought it would make me happy 💚🥺.”

Having parents who were emotionally available, could take accountability for their mistakes, and made necessary changes in order to strengthen the bonds to the kids, seemed to make a lasting impact.

“Honestly as an adult, my mom went to therapy when I asked her to. She made significant growth over the last few ways and it’s allowed us to repair and deepen our relationship in a way I would have never imagined. It shows so much love and effort that at 60 she has learned how to take accountability and change how she treats us. It is my ongoing goal to always be willing to apologize to/listen to my kids.”

parents, parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, childhood, nostalgia, modern parenting, parenting resources A woman in therapyPhoto credit: Canva

“My dad was never afraid to apologize. When I was about 8, I remember getting Big Red all over his car because I was pouring it out the window and watching it fly. I didn’t realize it was getting all over the car (and probably other cars). We had just left the car wash. When we got home he freaked out and yelled and screamed. I got the car wash stuff out of the garage and just sat and cried for a bit. Then he came out and sat with me and said that dad’s mess up too sometimes. He said he understood I was just being curious and did not mean it and he wished he had explained his frustration in a calmer way. He hugged me and helped me wash the car again. I remember that he said mean things, but not what he said before the apology. I remember just about every word of that apology though. I think that one sticks out because that was the maddest he had been at me up to that point…maybe ever. There were a few other stand out ones, some were even funny, but he always used them as a time to reconnect and really make sure we knew he loved us and respected us.”

“As I was falling asleep, my mom would get up to leave and I’d reach out the her… she always quietly sat back down and continued waiting. It made me feel loved and safe. She died when I was young. Just knowing she always chose me was a gift. She also was always the first person to tell me happy birthday first thing in the morning before anyone else.”

parents, parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, childhood, nostalgia, modern parenting, parenting resources A mother watching her child sleepPhoto credit: Canva

“My granny would always feed me unprompted. I would be relaxing watching TV and here she came with fresh cut fruit or a glass of sweet tea. It felt good knowing she was thinking of me. She also would always say “Penny for your thoughts” and I always felt open to sharing with her.. I miss her so much nobody ever loved me like Geneva.”

Lastly, many stories of great parenting involved providing a safe space for their kids. Not only protection from physical harm, but an emotional sanctuary as well.

“I was bullied a lot as a kid and as I got older my dad adjusted his work schedule so he could come home early every day and spend time with me after school. He even rejected a promotion knowing it would mean less family time. We’d go to the dollar movie night, take the dog to the park, or he’d get me an Oreo milkshake and a used CD for $6. The ;things' didn’t matter, but the conversation and support did. He made me feel like someone actually enjoyed spending time with me or wanted to hear my opinions and interests when I was most alone. A lot of experts say parents shouldn’t be friends with their kids, but honestly he was the only friend I had for years and I probably wouldn’t be alive today if he hadn’t shown that kind of interest.”

parents, parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, childhood, nostalgia, modern parenting, parenting resources A father holding his daughterPhoto credit: Canva

“When I started driving and borrowing my mom’s car to go to parties, she told me, 'If you ever can’t drive for any reason, including drinking, call me; I don’t care how late it is. I won’t give you a hard time when I come get you, and we can talk about whatever it is later. But I’d much rather you be safe and alive than feel like you have to hide something from me and do something dangerous.' I actually never ended up needing the offer, but I definitely felt much safer knowing I had an ace in my pocket.”

“One that sticks with me was my dad saying this to me over the years: 'No matter where you are or what happens, if you need me, call me and nothing will keep me away.' He kept his promise till the day he died, and I miss him every day. My mum is awesome too, she was genuinely my best friend growing up, she was always up for a game or a story, I’ve been really lucky.”

“My dad would just hug me while I fell apart & cried. He did it until I’d stop. Happy to do the same with my kiddos.”

Next time you’re wondering if you’re doing enough as a parent, let this be a reminder that love is powerful, now matter how you show it.

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Joy

Bill Murray's 7 rules for happiness are a perfect 90-second guide for living the good life

Rule 4: "Tell everyone you're retired."

Adam Chitiyat/Wikipedia

Bill Murray shares his 7 rules for happiness

One of the greatest gifts the Internet bestows upon us is the likelihood of stumbling across the condensed, bite-sized version of someone else’s painstaking research. We’re basically living life with full time SparkNotes access.

This go around, we’re reaping the benefits of the X account Pink Freud spending 15 hours watching Bill Murray interviews, all to find the secret behind his seemingly constant happiness.

As Pink Freud wrote in his caption, “the man laughs like he knows something we don’t. Turns out… he does.”

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And perhaps they have a point. While the Groundhog Day actor is no stranger to controversy, he still seems to know a thing or two about emotional resilience, and it’s wisdom that we could all probably apply in our everyday life.

According to Pink Freud, the path to a Bill Murray type of happy life comes down to these seven rules.

1. Chase moments, not meaning.

1. Chase moments, not meaning.

Bill once said: “People say, ‘What do you do for a living?’And I say, ‘I have fun.’”

He never chased happiness.
He chased presence.
Moments that made him feel real.

That’s what meaning actually is:
emotion that you can remember.
— Pink Freud (@PinkFreudWrites) April 14, 2025

This is similar to the adage of following your curiosity, rather than passion. Because looking for meaning or purpose can put so much pressure on ourselves, and conversely, we often cultivate meaning when we are in the moment.

2. Forget chasing fame.

2. Forget chasing fame.

“Try being rich first. See if that doesn’t cover most of it.”

• Attention breeds projection
• Fame hijacks your nervous system
• The spotlight inflates ego, and erodes self

His solution? pic.twitter.com/scamu5FQXf
— Pink Freud (@PinkFreudWrites) April 14, 2025

“Try being rich first. See if that doesn’t cover most of it. There's not much downside to being rich, other than paying taxes and having your relatives ask you for money. But when you become famous, you end up with a 24-hour job.”

This hits two points. One, financial security covers a lot in terms of freedom and security. Get your money squared away so that you don’t yearn for one big break to come along and change your fate. And two, fame rarely gives as much as it takes. As Pink Freud wrote, it “hijacks your nervous system” and “inflates ego” by placing self worth on public opinion, which we all know is incredibly changeable.

3. “The more relaxed you are, the better you are.”

3.
“The more relaxed you are, the better you are.”

He wasn’t chasing talent but removing tension.

When he relaxed:

→ Learning became effortless
→ Presence unlocked performance
→ Joy stopped needing permission

Want to grow? Calm your system first. pic.twitter.com/zxNVzzvUVa
— Pink Freud (@PinkFreudWrites) April 14, 2025

Murray learned early on that relaxation = more fun, and more fun = better work.

“That’s sort of why I got into acting. I realized the more fun I had, the better I did it. And I thought, that’s a job I could be proud of. It’s changed my life learning that, and it’s made me better at what I do.”

Basically, relaxation brought on a more effortless, and joyful performance. You don’t need to be an actor to unlock that freedom.

4. "Tell everyone you’re retired."

4. "Tell everyone you’re retired."

He meant it literally. “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m retired.”

Try it to:

• Filter out noise
• Protect your energy
• Turn absence into intrigue

Retirement isn’t an end. It’s invisibility with intention.

But don’t disappear completely… yet.👇
— Pink Freud (@PinkFreudWrites) April 14, 2025

This is apparently something that Murray tells people all the time. Pink Freud noted that this way of boundary setting is a way to “protect your energy” and “filter out the noise.”

5. "Be weird as hell"

5. "Be weird as hell"
(Not for attention. For freedom).

Bill crashes weddings.
Shows up uninvited.
Pretends to be nobody.

Why?
Because dropping your persona…Is the fastest way to remember who you are. But what about health, discipline, balance?

He has thoughts. 👇 pic.twitter.com/oTEra48zY3
— Pink Freud (@PinkFreudWrites) April 14, 2025

Pink Freud referenced the well known fact that Murray regularly crashes weddings, writing that it’s a great example of how “dropping your persona” is “the fastest way to remember who you are.”

6. Most health advice is too serious.

6. Most health advice is too serious.

“I’m not an alcoholic. I only drink twice a year: on my birthday, and when it’s not my birthday.”

• It’s okay to be human
• It’s okay to rest without earning it

Perfection is performance.

And finally…His deepest rule.👇 pic.twitter.com/mNFbAhyCpU
— Pink Freud (@PinkFreudWrites) April 14, 2025

“I’m not an alcoholic. I only drink twice a year: on my birthday, and when it’s not my birthday.”

While no one is advocating alcoholism, the point here is that health isn’t about perfection. Be human, rest (without having to “earn” it), and enjoy the treat, whatever that is.

7. “It’s hard to be an artist. It’s hard to be anything. It’s hard to be.”

7. “It’s hard to be an artist.
It’s hard to be anything.
It’s hard to be.”

• Everything meaningful costs you
• Playing small costs more
• Existing without purpose?

That’s the heaviest tax. Life is hard either way.
Choose the version that makes it yours. pic.twitter.com/h9Vyb8aTBI
— Pink Freud (@PinkFreudWrites) April 14, 2025

This is akin to the “choose your hard” quote. Every path in life will have its challenges, especially the worthwhile ones. But, “playing small costs more.”

So, there you have it. Follow the fun. Relax. Don’t take things too seriously. All of these things have indeed been proven to help boost mood, according to science. But sometimes it hits a little deeper coming from a real person who, in this case, just happens to be Bill Murray.

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We have a small favor to ask of you

psychology

You don't need to take responsibility for everything and everyone.

The teachers loved the idea. Not all the parents were convinced.

Now he's sharing the detailed curriculum.

They're trained to ignore "I'm just looking."

They know each other so well they're practically one person.

The clip racked up nearly seven million views on X with another 300,000 on YouTube. News outlets all over the world including Entertainment Tonight, Fox News, and Inside Edition each ran features on the web-famous twins.

No grand gestures here. Just pure love.

We all know that kids need stability. So, it’s no wonder that for many folks in the thread, physically showing up to things both big and small held the most weight.

Quite a few also recalled how their parents were able to take ordinary things—movie nights, yummy meals, reading stories—and make them feel magical and meaningful.

Having parents who were emotionally available, could take accountability for their mistakes, and made necessary changes in order to strengthen the bonds to the kids, seemed to make a lasting impact.

Rule 4: "Tell everyone you're retired."