upworthy

psychology

A hand coming through a blue wall holding a boomerang.

You might have never heard the term “boomerasking” until now, but you’ve almost certainly experienced it…and might have even done it yourself. And no, this has nothing to do with boomers asking why folks can’t pick themselves up by the bootstraps. In fact, this conversation faux pas can be committed by any age group.

Boomerasking is when someone asks a question, only to bring the focus back onto themselves, ala a boomerang.

Example: you ask “how was your day?” to a friend. Your friend responds, “fine, I got some deals at Costco,” and you reply, “well my day was great, I found $100 on the sidewalk, and someone complimented my new shoes!”

Essentially, you didn’t pose the question to really listen to your friend’s answer, but rather to talk about yourself. That’s boomerasking in a nutshell.

boomerasking, conversation tips, social skills, how to talk to people, psychological studyTwo people talking.Photo credit: Canva

But according to new research from the Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, there’s a bit more to glean from this. For starters, researchers broke boomerasking down into three categories:

  • “Ask-bragging” - when someone asks a question only so that they can one-up the answerer and brag about themselves
  • “Ask-complaining” - when someone asks a question for the sole purpose of venting their story of a negative experience onto who they asked
  • “Ask-sharing” - when someone asks a question followed by sharing something neutral that probably only the asker finds interesting, i.e. weird dream

The study also found that most participants admitted they had both experienced boomerasking and had been guilty of it themselves, so it’s likely that we’ve all done our fair share of asking only to share a bit about ourselves.


And granted, this impulse isn’t completely self-serving. Researchers noted that really, it’s simply the result of two conflicting natural human desires: one, to be responsive to others, and the other, to share individual experiences. They also shared that some participants thought prefacing a long conversation about themselves with a question posed to another person was the considerate way of making conversation feel more balanced, since it’s not entirely about them.

boomerasking, conversation tips, social skills, how to talk to people, psychological studymedia1.giphy.com

In all these cases, boomerasking backfires, and instead only makes the question asked seem insincere, according to the study. To combat this urge, researchers suggest two main things:

1. Ask questions that you are unable to answer yourself, which prevents the possibility of boomerasking, because you have nothing to contribute.

2 Use responsive listening techniques, with verbal cues like affirmation, validation, and repeating and/or reformulating what a partner has said. You can still ask questions, just make sure not to shift the focus away from the other person.

Healthy conversations, which are vital to us all, require a bit of give-and-take. Plus, appearing polite doesn’t have nearly as much weight as showing genuine interest in someone else. So the next time you find yourself wanting to share something, maybe just be clear about that. And if you do ask someone about their day, listen.

Credit: Condé Nast (through Vogue Taiwan)

Prepare to get Thatcherized.

Adele has a face that is chiseled into the public's mind. She's been a global icon for two decades with a number of mega hit albums and songs. But this photo might be the most unforgettable of all. Perhaps you’ve seen the image in question previously (it seems to make the rounds every couple of years). But in case you missed it—it’s Adele’s face. Normal, just upside down.

Only it’s not normal. In fact, when you turn Adele’s face right side up, what you notice is that her eyes and mouth were actually right-side up THE ENTIRE TIME, even though the entire head was upside down. So when you turn the head right side up, the eyes and mouth are now UPSIDE-DOWN—and you can’t unsee it. Do you feel like you're Alice in Wonderland yet?

Just wait. Things get even more fascinating. Especially because this optical illusion is over 40 years in the making.

Below you’ll find the Adele photo in question. Go ahead. Take a look at it. Then turn the image upside down.


adele, thatcher effect, psychologyCan't. Unsee.scontent-lax3-2.xx.fbcdn.net

Crazy right? And just a little terrifying?

As the Facebook post explains, this mind-boggling image highlights a phenomenon known as the Thatcher effect. Our brains, so much more used to recognizing faces that are right-side up, have difficulty detecting specific changes once a face is upside down.

margaret thatcher, colleage of thatcher photos, thatcher effectImage manipulation illustrating the Thatcher effect. Rob Bogaerts Image manipulation: Phonebox

Seeing that everything is more or less where it should be, our brains don’t notice anything out of the ordinary in Adele’s face until we turn her face back to a normal position.

The Thatcher effect got its name from British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, on whose photograph it was first demonstrated back in 1980 by Peter Thompson, Professor of Psychology at York University.

This demonstration was one of the first to explore just how facial recognition works, and certainly the first to suggest that humans (and monkeys, it turns out) process faces on a more holistic level, rather than by individual components like lips and eyes. There's even evidence that rhesus monkeys and chimpanzees experience the Thatcher effect, meaning it may have deep roots in the evolutionary biology of mammals.

Since its publication, there has been a wealth of research exploring how our brain takes in both subtle and striking facial configurations.


- YouTubewww.youtube.com


Funny enough, it was once believed that this illusion only worked on the Prime Minister’s face. But as Adele has proven, anyone can be Thatcherized.

This article originally appeared two years ago.

Nature

A hard-to-watch experiment demonstrates that babies aren’t naturally afraid of snakes

Letting snakes loose in a room full of babies? Fascinating, but soooo uncomfortable.

Babies are more curious than afraid when it comes to snakes.

As someone who's been afraid of snakes for as long as I can remember, I've often wondered where that fear came from. I've never been bitten or harmed by a snake. I've had close encounters with rattlesnakes out in the wild, but no actual strikes. I've had friends with pet snakes that were perfectly docile, and I've even held and petted snakes before (with no small amount of trepidation). While I think a healthy respect for snakes is wise, as some can be dangerous or even deadly, my fear goes way beyond that. I know lions, tigers, and bears are dangerous as well, but don't feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin when I see them like I do when I see a snake.

Why, though? Is that reaction something I learned when I was little, or is it an instinctive, evolutionary fear I inherited from my ancestors?

gif of woman reaching out to hold a snakeReality Reaction GIF by Married At First SightGiphy

Theoretically, the question of whether fears are innate or learned can at least somewhat be answered by seeing how babies react to things. Every baby is different, of course, and some are more sensitive to certain things than others, but researchers have found that babies in general do not exhibit a natural fear of snakes. In their infancy, children largely learn what to fear by observing the reactions of the people around them, whether their parents or others have a negative or positive reaction to something. A fear of snakes might develop early on if a caregiver demonstrate that fear themselves. But without observing that, if you put babies in a room with snakes, they won't be afraid.

And yes, we can actually see that theory tested. In an episode of Secret Science on ABC (Australian Broadcasting Company), a handful of babies sat on the floor surrounded by toys and a couple of well-trained, non-venomous snakes. If you have a fear of snakes, brace yourself but give it a chance—it's as informative and fascinating as it is mortifying.

Watch:

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

The host's reaction is so relatable, especially the shudders and the gagging. But clearly the babies were unfazed by the serpents slithering around them. One of them even tried to bite the poor snake, for goodness sake. (It hardly seems necessary, but I should probably insert an obligatory disclaimer here: This is a controlled environment with snakes that are known to be safe with handlers right there, so please do not attempt this with any snakes and babies at home.)

Measuring fear in babies is, of course, a bit of a challenge. It's not like an infant can say, "I'm scared," and babies are known to cry or startle for all kinds of reasons that might not be related to whatever stimuli is around them. An analysis of studies done on babies and fear published in the journal Developmental Psychology in 2020 found that babies react more quickly to commonly assumed fear triggers, but the evidence doesn't show that they are actually afraid of them.

Steve Irwin handling two large snakesSteve Irwin Snakes GIF by BustleGiphy

"Most infants are not afraid of snakes, spiders, heights, or strangers," write study authors Vanessa LoBue and Karen E Adolph. "Instead, they differentiate these stimuli from others, they explore these stimuli to learn about them, and they evaluate the meaning of these stimuli relative to the environment. Although fear of snakes/spiders, heights, and strangers might be adaptive in some instances, heightened attention to these stimuli, the ability to perceive affordances for action when presented with these stimuli, and the ability to evaluate their meaning based on context is far more adaptive: These behaviors encourage infants to explore new things while maintaining the flexibility to develop a fear if they discover that a stimulus is truly threatening."

Learning what to fear from caregivers is an important adaptation, not just among humans but among many animal species as well. Rescued baby orangutans had to be taught to fear snakes by human caregivers at Borneo Orangutan Survival, for instance. Snakes are actually dangerous sometimes, so it's wise to instill some sense of fear of snakes in the wild.

Learning to fear something fear-worthy is a tricky business for humans, though. People are complex and an overreaction might lead to an irrational anxiety response rather than a healthy fear. We may have the cognitive abilities to understand the context and circumstances in which fear is warranted or not, but that doesn't mean we are always able to access those abilities in the face of a fight, flight, or freeze response.

Keeping fear in the reasonable realm is important, and knowing that babies start off without fear of snakes might help inform the way we should react in front of them in order for them to learn the wisdom of fear without it going too far.

Health

Psychologist explains why everyone feels exhausted right now and it makes so much sense

Psychologist Naomi Holdt beautifully explained what's behind the overarching exhaustion people are feeling and it makes perfect sense.

Photo by Jamie Street on Unsplash

It seems like most people are feeling wiped out these days. There's a reason for that.

We're more than four years past the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic, and it's been a weird ride, to say the least. These years have been hard, frustrating, confusing and tragic, and yet we keep on keeping on. Except the keeping on part isn't quite as simple as it sounds.

We've sort of collectively decided to move on, come what may. This year has been an experiment in normalcy, but one without a testable hypothesis or clear design. And it's taken a toll. So many people are feeling tired, exhausted, worn thin ("like butter scraped over too much bread," as Bilbo Baggins put it) these days.

But why?

Psychologist and speaker Naomi Holdt beautifully explained what's behind the overarching exhaustion people are feeling as we close out 2022, and it makes perfect sense.

In a post on Facebook, she wrote:

"A gentle reminder about why you are utterly exhausted…

No one I know began this year on a full tank. Given the vicious onslaught of the previous two years (let’s just call it what it was) most of us dragged ourselves across the finish line of 2021… frazzled, spent, running on aged adrenaline fumes…

We crawled into 2022 still carrying shock, trauma, grief, heaviness, disbelief… The memories of a surreal existence…

And then it began… The fastest hurricane year we could ever have imagined. Whether we have consciously processed it or not, this has been a year of more pressure, more stress, and a race to 'catch up' in all departments… Every. Single. One. Work, school, sports, relationships, life…

Though not intentionally aware, perhaps hopeful that the busier we are, the more readily we will forget… the more easily we will undo the emotional tangle… the more permanently we will wipe away the scarring wounds…

We can’t.

And attempts to re-create some semblance of 'normal' on steroids while disregarding that for almost two years our sympathetic nervous systems were on full alert, has left our collective mental health in tatters. Our children and teens are not exempt. The natural byproduct of fighting a hurricane is complete and utter exhaustion…

So before you begin questioning the absolutely depleted and wrung-dry state you are in- Pause. Breathe. Remind yourself of who you are and what you have endured. And then remind yourself of what you have overcome.

Despite it all, you’re still going. (Even on the days you stumble and find yourself face down in a pile of dirt).

Understanding brings compassion… Most of the world’s citizens are in need of a little extra TLC at the moment. Most are donning invisible 'Handle with care' posters around their necks and 'Fragile' tattoos on their bodies…

Instead of racing to the finish line of this year, tread gently.

Go slowly. Amidst the chaos, find small pockets of silence. Find compassion. Allow the healing. And most of all… Be kind. There’s no human being on earth who couldn’t use just a little bit more of the healing salve of kindness."

Putting it like that, of course we're exhausted. We're like a person who thinks they're feeling better at the end of an illness so they dive fully back into life, only to crash mid-day because their body didn't actually have as much energy as their brain thought it did. We tried to fling ourselves into life, desperate to feel normal and make up for lost time, without taking the time to fully acknowledge the impact of the past two years or to fully recover and heal from it.

Of course, life can't just stop, but we do need to allow some time for our bodies, minds and spirits to heal from what they've been through. The uncertainty, the precariousness of "normal," the after-effects of everything that upended life as we knew it are real. The grief and trauma of those who have experienced the worst of the pandemic are real. The overwhelm of our brains and hearts as we try to process it all is real.

So let's be gentle with one another and ourselves as we roll our harried selves into another new year. We could all use that little extra measure of grace as we strive to figure out what a true and healthy "normal" feels like.

You can follow Naomi Holdt on Facebook.


This article originally appeared three years ago.