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Psychologist explains 5 personality traits of people who prefer to shower at night versus the morning

Evening rinsers are a unique bunch.

Image via Canva/petrunjela

People who shower at night have certain personality traits.

When it comes to showering, you fall into one of two camps: you're either a morning showerer or an evening showerer. It turns out preferring to shower at night shower versus the morning can indicate a lot about your personality.

"A lot of people like to shower at night because it helps them draw a line between the busyness of the day and the quiet of the evening," Stefanie Mazer Psy.D, a psychologist in Palm Beach, Florida, tells Upworthy. "Washing off sweat, dirt, and even the smells of the day can feel like letting go of everything that weighed them down mentally."

Additionally, showering at night can help you prepare for a restful night's sleep. "The hot water helps loosens tight muscles, which makes the body calmer and more ready for rest," says Mazer.

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The warm water of the shower also mimics the drop in body temperature that naturally cues the body for sleep, adds Candace Kotkin-De Carvalho, LCADC, LCSW, CCS, a licensed social worker and Clinical Director at Absolute Awakenings.

"People who shower at night also report sleeping better because the small anxieties of the day are washed away and the bed can feel more comfortable," says Kotkin-De Carvalho.

5 personality traits of people who shower at night

Besides the physical benefits of showering at night, the preference can also signify a number of personality traits. According to Mazer and Kotkin-De Carvalho, if you prefer to shower at night, you may also have the following traits:

shower, showering, take a shower, shoer gif, shower at night naked matthew broderick GIF Giphy

Trait #1: Detail-focused
If you shower at night, you may pay more attention to detail.

"People who are detail-focused don’t like leaving small things unfinished, even when it comes to how they feel before bed," says Mazer. "A nightly shower gives them the sense that everything is in order, from their body being clean to their sheets staying fresh. This attention to comfort helps them relax more fully and drift into sleep without nagging distractions."

Trait #2: Relaxation-oriented
Night showerers also tend to be relaxation-oriented.

"The shower is viewed less like a wake-up tool and more as a stress-relief ritual that washes the day’s worries away before bed," says Kotkin-De Carvalho.

relaxed, relaxing, relaxation, night relaxation, night shower Oprah Winfrey Reaction GIF Giphy

Trait #3: Reflective
Showering at night insinuates a person is introspective.

"Reflective people often use their night shower as a time to think back on what happened during the day. The quiet and steady flow of water gives them space to sort through their thoughts without interruption," says Mazer. "This habit can leave them feeling clearer and more settled before going to sleep."

Trait #4: Comfort-seeking
Night showerers also tend to be comfort seekers.

"They like climbing into bed fresh and clean. This offers a sense of security and calm before sleep," says Kotkin-De Carvalho.

Trait #5: Routine-oriented
People who shower at night prefer sticking to a routine.

"Routine-oriented people like the predictability of ending their day the same way every night," says Mazer. "Taking a shower becomes a signal that the day is done and it’s time to shift into rest mode."

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A woman with a disability gets real about dating and sex. She's funny and honest.

Her candor is delightful, her message is important, and her jokes are great

Photo courtesy of Danielle Sheypuk.

Most people are missing out on a huge portion of the dating pool.


"So just recently I went out on a Match.com date, and it was fantastic," begins Dr. Danielle Sheypuk in her TEDx Talk.

If you've ever been on Match.com, that opening line might make you do a double take. How does one get so lucky?

Before you get too jealous, you should know things quickly went downhill two dates later, as most Match.com dates ultimately do. This time, however, the reason may not be something that you've ever experienced.

Intrigued? I was too. Here's the story.

a photo of Dr. Sheypuk smiling.

Gorgeous!

Photo from Dr. Sheypuk's Instagram account, used with permission.

She's a licensed clinical psychologist, an advocate, and a model — among other things. She's also been confined to a wheelchair since childhood. And that last fact is what did her recent date in.

Over a romantic Italian dinner on their third date, Sheypuk noticed that he was sitting farther away from her than usual. And then, out of nowhere, he began to ask the following questions:

"I've been thinking, how are you gonna be a mother? How are you gonna do the duties that's gonna be required of you? And even as wife — how ... I'm not sure how this is gonna work."

Used to this line of inquiry, she had the perfect quippy reply: "Well that's simple: I'm just gonna hire someone like every other New Yorker."

But despite her witty answer, he'd already made up his mind. She never heard from him again.

"I tried to convince myself that this was like any other relationship, but deep down I knew the reality. Who wants to date someone in a wheelchair?"

Dr. Sheypuk knows that that single question is evidence of a really serious problem—not just on the dating scene, but in society in general.

Society has factored out an entire group of potential romantic partners: people with disabilities.

a glamorous photo of Dr. Sheypuk in her wheelchair.

Talk about a million-dollar smile.

Photo courtesy of Danielle Sheypuk.

In her words:

"We are completely left out of the dating picture. Society, media included, seems to ignore the fact that we have the same emotional needs and desires as everyone else. Is this injustice born out of the concept of the poster child and his or her duty to induce pity to raise money?

Or maybe it's a conclusion drawn from mainstream porn where we have actors performing, like, gymnastic stunts with the stamina that none of us have of bucking broncos and jackrabbits.”

Um, yes. So much yes. She continues:

"The silent message: The more in shape your body, the better the sex. The unspoken conclusion: If you have a disability, you are too sick to have sex.

The silent message: The more in shape your body, the better the sex. The unspoken conclusion: If you have a disability, you are too sick to have sex.

"Now let's look at the continuum in our society where sexual is measured. On the one hand, we have humans that are the ultimate sex appeal object. So on that end, we have Victoria's Secret models, Playboy centerfolds, people like that.

On the complete opposite end, we have people with physical disabilities. And it seems like the more we deviate from this ultimate sex icon, the more desexualized we become, the more taboo the topic, and the more damaging the consequences.

Now, for most people there are quick fixes, right? We have Hair Club for Men, Botox, Spanx, butt implants. But for people with disabilities, there are no quick fixes. There is no magic pill."

And we are hit hard.”

It's important to note, too, that while someone may not be disabled now, it doesn't mean they will never experience or develop a disability. Due to injuries, illnesses, and chronic conditions, research shows that the chances of becoming disabled are startlingly on the rise.

Watch the rest of Dr. Sheypuk's talk to hear her important insights about what dating and relationships are like when a person has a disability—and how much of society is limiting itself.


This article originally appeared nine years ago.

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Psychologist reveals 5 evidence-based tips for helping New Year's resolutions stick

Dr. Mark Jellicoe, a specialist in resilience and self-regulation, offers some wisdom for new year goal-setting.

Photo by Jenny Hill on Unsplash

New Year's resolutions are notoriously hard to keep.

Each New Year’s Eve, millions of us have the annual urge to change our ways, make a fresh start, form new habits or otherwise transform into a better version of ourselves.

The problem is many of us kick off the new year with all the good intentions, only to be derailed from our goals after a few weeks—or even a few days. It's disheartening to make New Year's resolutions each year and fail at keeping them, but creating new habits is a notoriously difficult thing for humans to do.

Is there a foolproof way to stick with a New Year's resolution? Probably not. But there are some science-backed ways to make it more likely that you'll stick with whatever you want to achieve.

Dr. Mark Jellicoe, Senior Lecturer in Psychology at The University of Law in the U.K. who specializes in resilience and self-regulation, says that there are many reasons why people struggle to achieve goals. "Often goals can be too vague, or, in reality, the resolution might be a wish that we are just not that committed to,” he says.

If there are goals you really do want to achieve this year, Jellicoe shares five evidence-based tips for sticking to them:

1. Go ahead and 'manifest,' but understand what works about it

"Manifesting"—the idea being that if you envision something strongly enough and live as if it's happening, it will happen—has been all the rage for the past few years.

"Some may be sad to hear this, but I’m not aware of any direct evidence to suggest manifesting will help to achieve a goal," says Jellicoe. "However, there are several supported scientific approaches, which could be ascribed to the 'manifesting' approach. It makes sense that if we orient ourselves towards an outcome then we might be more motivated to achieve it, which would invoke the patterns of thinking and behavioral beliefs to help us do this."

Jellicoe points out that people need to get tactical, whatever vision they have for themselves. "Don’t abandon all hope if you feel manifesting works for you," he says, "just be sure to back it up with some solid goal-setting practice. Manifesting isn’t a magic bullet."

2. Be strategic about who you share your goals with.

When we're excited about making change, we might be eager to tell people about it. We might even feel like we'll be more likely to achieve our goals if we share them with others.

"There are some schools of thought that suggest speaking your goal out loud or sharing it with others creates a sense of accountability," says Jellicoe. "However, there is growing evidence that would suggest doing this can be detrimental."

"Scientific evidence also suggests that the mere act of telling someone about our goal, and the congratulations or encouragement we receive, might lead to us deceiving ourselves that we have already achieved the goal, and as a result, we fail to move to the implementation stage," adds Jellicoe. "This has led to some advising that we don’t tell others our goals."

3. Be proactive and deliberate about goal-setting.

Setting goals sounds simple enough, but people in general are not very good at the mechanics of setting goals and working toward them.

"There are a couple of solid, research-backed approaches to goal-setting," says Jellico. "Many of us will have heard of the SMART approach, which encapsulates some of these key ideas, where goals are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-bound. This isn’t a bad place to start, but there are arguments that even well-set goals may not lead us to strive towards the outcome."

Jellicoe suggests adding the WOOP model of goal-setting, which stands for Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan. "This approach encourages us to think about the reality of our situation and the likely obstacles that come between us and our ultimate goals, so we can plan ways to overcome them," he says. "Pairing this with the SMART approach so you can monitor your progress could lead to success."

4. Get to know your personality type and how it affects goal-setting

Jellicoe lists five well-supported personality factors using the acronym OCEAN: Openness to experience, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness and Neuroticism (now often referred to as "low emotional stability"). These factors can influence how you approach goals and what might help you achieve them.

"This is a vast topic with lots to explore," he says, "but one example would be those who are more conscientious typically tend to be more planful and organized—naturally this often leads to a higher likelihood of seeing goals through. This same personality, however, may also be more likely to stick with a goal even when circumstances change that make that goal no longer relevant."

Jellicoe suggests learning more about your personality type online to gain a better understanding of yourself and your tendencies. "This understanding could give you a good grounding in learning how to adapt your strategies," he says.

5. Utilize the power of small, clustered goals.

"Regardless of the resolution you set yourself, achieving small, clustered goals along the way could be crucial in building confidence and motivation to keep working towards your desired outcome," says Jellicoe.

An example of this method is the 'Couch to 5K' challenge in which people start with running just a minute at a time, adding a little bit of running time each day. With small new goals being continually set, you find yourself able to run a 5K within just a couple of months.

"Often this approach to goal-setting can have a positive upward spiral into other areas of our lives too, such as health and wellbeing," adds Jellicoe.

Whatever goals you want to achieve in 2023—or even if you don't want to set resolutions at all—be kind to yourself as you enter the new year.

“This time of year can be stressful for so many of us, and we all have our own reasons for that. Any milestone event can bring about a mixture of positive and negative emotions," says Jellicoe. “Like with any milestone—think birthdays or anniversaries—the new year can also be a time for reflection and renewal. At this time of year, many of us also have the time and space to engage in reflection, so it might be a good time to reflect, accept and move forward."

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Psychologist's 'Ring Theory' can help you not say the wrong thing to people in grief

Concept by Susan Silk, Graphic by Annie Reneau

It's hard to know what to say when someone you know is going through a crisis. Whether a person has lost a loved one, received a dire medical diagnosis, or is experiencing some other kind of grief, we're often at a loss for words for how to comfort them.

It gets even trickier when we share in some measure of the person's grief. When your friend finds out they have a terminal illness, that's painful for your friend and their family, but also for you. While it's important to honor that, it's also important to recognize that your grief isn't the same as the person afflicted, nor is it the same as their spouse's or children's or parents' grief. It's totally fine to feel the weight of your own sadness and loss, but there are appropriate and inappropriate places to put that weight. For example, saying to a mutual friend, "I can't handle this, it's too devastating" is very different than saying the same thing directly to your friend who just found out they are dying.

Psychologist Susan Silk has created a helpful concept that makes figuring out what to say and what not to say a bit easier. She refers to it as the Ring Theory, and she and author Barry Goldman described it in an op-ed in The Los Angeles Times.

Here's how it works:

First, draw a circle and put the name of the person in crisis in the middle of it. Then draw a ring around that and label it with the people closest to them—spouse, parents, children, etc. Then draw another ring for their intimate friends or other family members they are close to. Next, make a ring for their close co-workers, not-quite-as-close friends, distant relatives, etc., followed by a ring for other people who know them—acquaintances, community members, and such.

These concentric rings represent which direction our words of comfort and empathy should go, and which direction the venting or dumping of our own feelings of grief should go.

The person in the center can say anything they want to anyone, of course. The crisis is theirs and they get all the leeway and grace in how they express their feelings. People in the rings around them can vent their feelings toward people in the larger rings, but not the smaller ones. If we're talking to someone in a smaller ring than we are in, our words should only be comforting and empathetic, such as "I'm so sorry you're going through this," or "What a terrible tragedy, let me bring you a meal to make this time a little easier for you."

Silk explains that when we are talking to a person in a smaller circle from us—someone who is closer to the crisis—the goal is to help. It's appropriate not to offer advice, no matter how helpful we think we're being. It's not an appropriate direction for our personal storytelling or expressions of despair, however sincere. If we feel an impulse to do those things, we should point it outward, toward the people farther from the crisis.

We should never put people in smaller circles in a position of feeling like they need to comfort us. Comfort should move inward through the rings, not outward.

Let's imagine my friend Lee just lost her mother to cancer. I lost my much-loved mother-in-law to pancreatic cancer just six weeks after her diagnosis, but this is Lee's crisis, not mine. As a friend, I'm not going to tell her how much I miss my mother-in-law, describe in detail how hard it was to go through losing her, or go on and on about the meaning of life and death. I'm not going to say those things to her spouse, either. I might say, "I'm so sorry. Cancer really sucks, and this is such a hard thing to go through" and then offer to help watch the kids or bring over a casserole.

Concept by Susan Silk, Graphic by Annie Reneau

If I'm talking to a mutual friend or someone Lee knows peripherally, that's when I might share my own story or how Lee's mom's death is bringing up my own feelings of grief. The key is to make sure I'm pointing that emotional venting of my own toward someone in a larger circle, not a smaller one.

As Silk and Goldman explained, it's not so much what you say as whom you say it to.

"If you want to scream or cry or complain, if you want to tell someone how shocked you are or how icky you feel, or whine about how it reminds you of all the terrible things that have happened to you lately, that's fine," they wrote. "It's a perfectly normal response. Just do it to someone in a bigger ring."

"Comfort IN, dump OUT," they added.

Silk and Goldman point out that most of us intuitively know not to dump our feelings on the person in the center of the circle, but we may not be conscientious enough about how we talk to those who are close to the crisis as well. The Ring Theory visual can help us see where it's appropriate to vent and where it's not, and how best to help both those who are grieving and who are in the grieving person's orbit.

It can even help us recognize what we need most when we find ourselves at the center of the circle. All of us will be there at one time or another, and knowing where we are in the rings can help us know how to comfort one another through our grieving processes.

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