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Hypnotherapist's simple 'installation' trick gives negative people a more positive outlook

“My life completely changed and my mind was completely blown when I learned that it was possible.”

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Thumbs up or thumbs down.

Emilie Leyes, a certified hypnotherapist and brain-training specialist, is helping people turn their negative outlooks more positive by teaching them a simple trick based on neuroscience. The trick is called “installation” and was developed by neuropsychologist Rick Hanson, Ph.D. Over time, it’s a simple practice that can reprogram our brains to counter our natural negativity bias.

Negativity bias refers to our proclivity to “attend to, learn from, and use negative information far more than positive information.” It’s why people tend to read negative headlines more than positive ones or are more likely to remember bad experiences than happy ones. It’s also why we have a larger emotional and physical response to adverse stimuli than things we enjoy.

Even though it’s an unpleasant trait, our focus on things that can harm us has helped humans survive for hundreds of thousands of years. However, according to Leyes, there’s a way to bring our minds into balance so that we don’t have such a negative, dour outlook on life.

How to have a positive outlook on life

“The good news is that you can actually counteract this negativity bias and change the way your brain functions. There's an amazing little tool, brain trick, whatever you want to call it, called installation,” Leyes said in a video with over 4 million views.

@emilieleyes.hypnosis

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“It was developed by psychologist Dr. Rick Hansen, which is basically the act of, like, amplifying the positive experiences when they come. Because, remember, the positive experiences are less intense than the negative ones,” Leyes continued. “And the practice of installation is really all about savoring those positive moments longer and more intensely than you normally would.”

Leyes says you can use the technique whenever you have a positive experience. Let’s say you are enjoying a big, cheesy, saucy piece of pizza. As you come to the last bite, focus on all of the incredible flavors and slowly chew it. Savor every moment it’s in your mouth. “And in doing that, you're actually growing that emotional response to that positive experience, which over time can start to balance out that negativity bias,” she says.



Dr. Hanson says it’s ok if we create our own positive experiences by thinking about things we’re grateful for or remembering a time we stood up to a bully or had genuine compassion for someone in pain. “Then, once you’ve got that good experience going, really enjoy it: taking 5, 10, or more seconds to protect and stay with it, and open to it in your body. The longer and more intensely those neurons fire together, the more they’ll be wiring this inner strength into your brain,” Dr. Hanson writes.

The great thing is that the installation trick will not only improve your outlook but also open the door to more positive experiences.

“It's actually priming the brain to take in more good experiences as they come,” Leyes says in her TikTok video. “Cause what we put our focused attention on is amplified in our minds and totally informs our experience. So your brain will start to learn from that and start to recognize that positive experiences are equally important to the negative ones.”

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Joy

More than optimism: How to cultivate the world-changing power of hope

Optimism is a mindset. Hope is an action-oriented skill—and one that can be honed.

Photo by Andres Ayrton/Pexels

Hope is a skill.

Hope can be hard to find in tough times, and even when we catch a glimmer of hope, it can be hard to hold onto. And yet, the ability to remain hopeful in the face of hardship and adversity is an example of the human spirit we've seen displayed time and time again.

But what exactly is hope? How does hope differ from optimism, and how can we cultivate more of it in our lives?

Cynics may see hope as naive at best and as blind idealism at worst, but according to Thema Bryant, PhD, former president of the American Psychological Association, hope is really about staying open to the possibilities.

“Hope isn’t a denial of what is, but a belief that the current situation is not all that can be,” Bryant said, according to the APA. You can recognize something’s wrong, but also that it’s not the end of the story.”

People often think of hope and optimism as the same thing, but there are some key differences between them in the social psychology world. Optimism is a state of mind that sees the future through a positive lens and expects that it will be better than the present. Hope, on the other hand, is action-oriented. It involves having a goal for that positive future and making a concrete plan to move toward it.

“We often use the word ‘hope’ in place of wishing, like you hope it rains today or you hope someone’s well,” said Chan Hellman, PhD, a professor of psychology and founding director of University of Oklahoma's Hope Research Center. “But wishing is passive toward a goal, and hope is about taking action toward it.”

That sense of personal agency is the key difference between someone who is optimistic and someone who is hopeful, as the authors of the study, "Great expectations: A meta-analytic examination of optimism and hope," Gene M. Alarcon, Nathan A. Bowling and Steven Khazon wrote:

"Simply put, the optimistic person believes that somehow—either through luck, the actions of others, or one’s own actions—that his or her future will be successful and fulfilling. The hopeful person, on the other hand, believes specifically in his or her own capability for securing a successful and fulfilling future."

Both hope and optimism require a belief in a better future, but hope puts some of the power to make it happen into our own hands. And while hope and optimism are closely linked, they don't necessarily have to go together. As Arthur Brooks has pointed out, a person can be a hopeless optimist, believing in a better future but feeling helpless to do anything to create it, and a person can also be a hopeful pessimist who takes actions to improve things but still sees the future negatively.

Ideally, one would strive toward being an hopeful optimist. Why? Well, for one, both hope and optimism are good for our health, according to studies done on them. And secondly, hope is what motivates us to act. Without hope, we have a whole lot of people wishing for change but not actually doing anything about it.

But how do you become more hopeful if it doesn't come naturally? How do you hone hope?

An article on Psyche by Emily Esfahani Smith shared study findings on how to cultivate hope, which includes:

- Changing the story you tell yourself about adversity, remembering that hard times are temporary

- Focusing on the things you have control over, like your routines, habits and the way you treat other people

- Reframing obstacles as challenges to overcome rather than immovable limitations

- Looking to your past successes instead of your past failures

- Asking yourself what you hope for and then continuing to answer until you find an attainable goal

- Envisioning that goal and mapping out a plan to move towards it

Being hopeful about your own future may feel like a different beast than having hope in humanity's future, but we all have a role to play in creating a better world and hope is the driver strives to make it happen. As Augustine of Hippo allegedly said, "Hope has two beautiful daughters; their names are Anger and Courage. Anger at the way things are, and Courage to see that they do not remain as they are." If we find ourselves angry at the way things are, we need to find the courage to act. The question of what actions to take may remain, but we need the belief and conviction to act that hope provides in order to figure it out.

Most importantly to remember is that hope is a choice. It may not come naturally or easily to everyone, but hope is something we can choose to nurture in ourselves as well as encourage in others.

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Joy

Woman reveals she 'forgets' to end phone calls with daughter-in-law to secretly lift her up

We should all get to experience this at least once.

Photo by SHVETS production/Pexels

This mother-in-law's secret uplift hack has people cheering her on.

Overhearing someone talking negatively about you behind your back can be devastating, but hearing someone talk about you positively can be life-changing in the best way. Especially, perhaps, when that someone is your mother-in-law.

Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships are known for being a mixed bag, with some being notoriously filled with conflict and fault-finding. But one mother-in-law's secret habit of letting her daughter-in-law eavesdrop on her when she thinks she accidently forgot to hang up the phone has people cheering her thoughtfulness.

In response to the question, "What secret are you currently hiding from someone that you're willing to share on Reddit?" user Kindly-Article-9357 wrote:

"I've started to on occasion 'accidentally' (but on purpose) not hang up my phone correctly when getting off a call with my daughter-in-law.

I then proceed to talk to my husband about how much I enjoy talking to her, how lovely I think she is, how glad I am that our son chose her, and whatever other boost I may think she needs.

She doesn't have any family that uplifts her, just the kind that tears her down."

"I started doing this after my son told me about his wife coming to him in full-on snot tears, because I had once butt dialed her while talking to my husband about her. She stayed on the line to hear what I 'really' thought of her, expecting the worst because that's been her experience of family.

Apparently, she was quite touched by the things I said, and my son told me it gave her a confidence boost that lasted weeks.

So I do it more often now. Neither of them have any idea I do it on purpose, though. They just think I'm getting old and worse at managing my tech."

People loved how the woman went out of her way to not only let her daughter-in-law know she thinks she's great but to do it in a way that might truly make her believe it. Having someone praise you to your face is great, but hearing it from someone who doesn't know you're listening just hits different.

"Years ago we called my parents to tell them we were expecting our 2nd child. My dad failed to hang up when the call ended and I heard him tell my mom how glad he was to get the news because we were such good parents. I have NEVER forgotten that sweet affirmation that wouldn’t have hit as true if he had said it TO me."

"Similarly, I talk about my 7 year old to my friends and family and discuss how amazing he is. He can be all the way in his room but I know he’s listening (he’s nosey). I can tell it boosts his confidence. It’s one thing to tell someone directly, but it hits different when you’re ear hustling."

"I once heard, 'Kids think about themselves based on how we talk about them. What they hear is what they believe.' I think each of us has an inner kid that feels the same, to some extent. And I’m sure her inner kid needed to hear those things."

"My boyfriend did this accidentally one day at work...he and I both forgot to hang up and I heard him talking to his coworker, I was afraid I'd hear something I didn't like not that he has ever spoken ill abt me to anyone I just have low self esteem..but he went on to tell his buddy how smart I am, how I just know all sorts of neat and interesting facts how I teach him something new everyday and I just melted I tried yelling into the phone to tell him I love him but obvs he couldn't hear lol its the lil things in life that I cling to most."

"I do this any time people leave a conversation. Just before they leave the room, I say to the rest of the group, 'I love hanging out with XX' or 'XX is just so nice.' Or when someone is leaving the car, you do it right before they close the door."

It's a good reminder to talk positively about people whether they're around or not. Only good can come from lifting others up, especially when they weren't even meant to hear it in the first place.

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Identity

A woman requested inspiring middle-age success stories, and the internet delivered—big time

There's nothing magical about "making it" in your younger years.

Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Unsplash, @JillHannaA/Twitter, @KateGrand/Twitter

It all can happen at just the right time.

Media outlets love to compile lists of impressive people under a certain age. They laud the accomplishments of fresh-faced entrepreneurs, innovators, influencers, etc., making the rest of us ooh and ahh wonder how they got so far so young.

While it's great to give credit where it's due, such early-life success lists can make folks over a certain age unnecessarily question where we went wrong in our youth—as if dreams can't come true and successes can't be had past age 30.

Weary of lists celebrating youngsters, television writer and producer Melissa Hunter sent out a tweet requesting a new kind of list for 2020. "Instead of 30 Under 3 or NextGen lists," she wrote, "please profile middle-aged people who just got their big breaks. I want to read about a mother of 2 who published her first novel, a director who released their first studio feature at 47, THAT'S THE LIST WE WANT."

The Twitterverse responded with a resounding "YAAASSS." Story after story of folks finding success in their 40s, 50s, and beyond began pouring in. If you worry that you're not far enough along in your 20s or 30s, or think it's too late for you to follow your passion in the autumn of your life, take a look at these examples of people crushing it in their mid-to-late adulthood.

Take this mother of four teens who released her first full-length book at 45 and started law school this year at age 47.

Or the woman who published two books in her late 50s and is revising book #3 at age 60. Oh, she also started running at age 45.

Another person shared how they got out of prison for drugs at age 49, stayed clean and started their own business, and broke the $1 million sales mark last year at 56.

"Lauching my clothing line now—at 48," wrote a mom of two. "Next venture feels amazing."

Another user chimed in with "Yes! Plus the 40 under 40, 30 under 30 can be quite contrived (sometimes). I want to see people juggling school, career, and family.”

Yet another mother of two teens finished her PhD at 41 and got a tenure-track position at age 47. She's also working on a book on Indigenous Early Childhood.

How about this woman who hadn't taken a math class for 40 years? She aced her statistics classes and will graduate with a perfect GPA after she turns 60. "Lots of life to live!" she says.

Another mom (are we seeing a theme here?) discovered a passion for interior design and won a national TV design challenge in her late 40s. Now, at 60, she has a successful design career and contributes to radio and magazines.

Of course, we also know there are fabulously successful folks who got a "late" start in Hollywood, including the incomparable Ava DuVernay, "who left her job at age 40 to focus on filmmaking and then became the first black woman to make over $100 million at the box office.”

As one man pointed out, "The idea that you've got five years between 20 and 30 to do everything you're ever going to do is ridiculous." Hunter agreed, writing, "The advice is always that it's a marathon, not a race, and I wanna read about the people who finished that marathon!!"

So many stories of people publishing their first books, landing their ideal jobs, or discovering a passion later in life just kept coming, and person after person shared how inspiring and motivating they were.

Of course, not everyone has lofty career goals. If these stories aren't quite hitting the mark for you, check out this woman's contribution to the conversation. She's "just a regular human," she says, but she went to Zimbabwe and volunteered at a wildlife refuge at age 47. "Life doesn't just peter out after 30," she wrote. "My friend Elsa is 96 and went on an archaeological dig at 75. I want to be like her."

Don't we all.

Age really is just a number, and there's nothing magical about "making it" in your younger years. Let's be sure to celebrate people living their best lives and making dreams come true at any and every age.


This article originally appeared on 01.10.20

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