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Busy mom overcome with emotion when elderly man says the perfect thing to her

He chose positivity and it made all the difference.

via Canva/Photos

A happy mother and her smiling child.

Parents of newborns know they are in the middle of a joyous and stressful era. But far too often, the people they run into choose to frame things negatively when talking to them about their young child. They’ll say things like, “Don’t worry, it gets better” or “Boy, do you have your hands full.”

That’s why Steph Morrison's video on TikTok touched so many hearts. It’s about the fantastic things that can happen when people choose to see things in a positive light instead of a negative one.

“The sweetest thing just happened,” Morrison begins in her video. “I was just finishing my walk and we were just pulling down our street and this old man, he stopped so we could walk by because we’ve got the double-wide stroller that takes up the whole space, and he goes ‘Wow! You’re going to have a lot of fun.’"

The comment blindsided Morrison because it reframed how she looks at being a parent.

@_stephmorrison_

I never would have guessed what the man would say nor did I ever predict tears would roll down my face like they did. Thankful for this sweet glimmer from God 🫶🏼✨ #momspiration #momsoftiktok #momsover30 #quotesforyou #momquotes #postpartumjourney #postpartumlife #happywords #happinessbegins #creatorsearchinsights

“I don’t know why I’m getting emotional telling you now. But most people say, ‘You’ve got your hands full’ and it’s my biggest pet peeve, but he was so sweet and I could, like, see the memories flash through his eyeballs as he said that to me: ‘You’re going to have a lot of fun.’”

“Like, dang! That’s the type of vibe and energy I’m going to bring to motherhood,” she continued. “I was having a really great time with the kids already, so I don’t know why I’m crying while telling you this. But if you’re a mother out there, I hope you’re having a lot of fun, too, because why not?”

Everyone knows that parenting can be hard. But it’s also filled with joy, laughter, hope, possibilities and new experiences. The elderly man’s comments were a great reminder to Morrison and her followers to focus on the joy and possibilities of being a parent instead of the challenges and hard work.



The video struck a chord with mothers in the comments who shared similar experiences.

“An older man in the grocery store stopped me when my son was 8 months old and said, ‘Young enough to still talk to the angels, put in a good word for me!’” Rachel wrote. “My only son is 7 months old. I can’t have any more kids due to life-threatening complications at birth. The other day, a man said to me, ‘He gets to have you all to himself. Isn’t that so special?’” Happy_Gilmoree added.

CaitlinPrice25 hit the nail on the head. “Society makes us feel like kids are a burden,” she wrote. “Just a little change of perspective can make all the difference.”

A positive mindset can make life much easier for parents, but it’s also great for their children. Children look to their parents and model their behavior; those with a positive attitude are likely to raise happy, optimistic children. “A mother’s ability to model positivity becomes a powerful tool in shaping a child’s character, fostering qualities such as kindness, compassion, and a positive outlook on life,” The Motherhood Center in Houston, Texas, writes.

The story also reminds everyone, whether they are parents or not, of the importance of leading with positivity when dealing with others. The man could have said something cliché such as “I hope you’re getting enough sleep,” but instead, he reminded Morrison of the joy of parenting, and she made his remark her north star. That’s the power of positivity.

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Education & Information

Spanking can alter kids' brain development the way more severe abuse does, new study finds

Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Researchers at Harvard University have studied the connection between spanking and kids' brain development for the first time, and their findings echo what studies have indicated for years: Spanking isn't good for children.

Comments on this article will no doubt be filled with people who a) say they were spanked and "turned out fine" or b) say that the reason kids are [fill in the blank with some societal ill] these days are because they aren't spanked. However, a growing body of research points to spanking creating more problems than it solves.

"We know that children whose families use corporal punishment are more likely to develop anxiety, depression, behavior problems, and other mental health problems, but many people don't think about spanking as a form of violence," said Katie A. McLaughlin, director of the Stress & Development Lab in the Department of Psychology, and the senior researcher on the study which was published Friday in the journal Child Development. "In this study, we wanted to examine whether there was an impact of spanking at a neurobiological level, in terms of how the brain is developing."

You can read the entire study here, but the gist is that kids' brain activity was measured using an MRI machine as they reacted to photos of actors displaying "fearful" and "neutral" faces. What researchers found was that kids who had been spanked had similar brain neural responses to fearful faces as kids who had been abused.

"There were no regions of the brain where activation to fearful relative to neutral faces differed between children who were abused and children who were spanked," the authors wrote in a statement.

"While we might not conceptualize corporal punishment to be a form of violence, in terms of how a child's brain responds, it's not all that different than abuse," said McLaughlin. "It's more a difference of degree than of type."

It seems to make sense when you consider that hitting a child on the bottom isn't fundamentally different from hitting them anywhere else on their body. Open or closed hand, a strike is a strike, and a strike is, by definition, violence.

In full disclosure, I wasn't spanked as a child. My husband and I have also never spanked our own kids, who are now a tween, a teen, and an adult. (And quite delightful, well-behaved human beings, I might add.) The majority of our close family friends have not spanked their kids, and we've also watched those kids grow into delightful, well-behaved human beings.

When you don't grow up with spanking, the idea honestly seems very strange. I'd no sooner hit my children on the bottom as hit them anywhere else, and I've never understood why people think that a slap on the buttocks—an area that feels quite private to me—is somehow less problematic than a slap across the face. I understand that people might see spanking differently if they're raised with it, but when it isn't something you grow up with, it's just weird.

It's also just not necessary. I've seen people argue that there are certain situations where spanking is either necessary or the most effective means of addressing a behavior, usually in situations of safety. I know many parents, for instance, think a quick smack on the bottom is an appropriate response to a small child running into the road. Little kids don't understand reason, the argument goes. However, there are other ways to instill a desirable fear into a child who doesn't understand a mortal danger.

When my wee ones headed toward the road, I grabbed them and scooped them up and showed them my own fear—with some purposeful drama thrown in for good measure—"Oh my gosh, sweetie! Are you okay?! That was SO scary! I was afraid a car was going to SQUASH you! Let me look at you." Then I checked them over, head to toe, and expressed my relief that they were okay. That did the trick with all three of them.

People often mistake positive parenting for pushover parenting, but it's not. My kids have boundaries. They are taught to be respectful to everyone, me included, and to behave like civilized humans. But kids can be taught those things through non-violent means. I can't think of a single thing that spanking would address better than methods that don't involve slapping a part of someone's body—especially a part that would be considered sexually inappropriate in any other context.

As more and more research shows that spanking isn't just unnecessary but potentially harmful, parents may wish to reconsider spanking as a method of discipline, which is the message the study authors hope people take away from this research.

"It's important to consider that corporal punishment does not impact every child the same way, and children can be resilient if exposed to potential adversities," said lead study author Jorge Cuartas. "But the important message is that corporal punishment is a risk that can increase potential problems for children's development, and following a precautionary principle, parents and policymakers should work toward trying to reduce its prevalence."

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Wellness

Mom shares a beautiful positive parenting example when her 6-year-old was rude to her

Tim Mossholder on Unsplash, @DrChaeEd/Twitter

No matter how great a parent you are and how well you teach your children how to behave, kids are occasionally going to be less-than-pleasurable to be around. They are human, after all. And they are engaged in an intense, years-long process of learning about being human, growing and change rapidly through various phases and stages.

As parents, it can be hard to figure out how to help them through all of that. Especially when they're pushing our own emotional buttons.

Mom and educator Dr. Chawanna B. Chambers— or "Dr. Chae," as she goes by on her website—shared a parenting tale from her own life that offers us all a beautiful example of how to teach a child who is seemingly acting disrespectful how to manage their responses. For many parents, a child talking back or being rude is met with immediate anger or sternness—perhaps an instinctual response from their own upbringing or beliefs about respecting our elders.

But for Chambers, her 6-year-old speaking rudely was an opportunity to teach a lesson about our brains and how we can head off a problematic interaction before it starts.

"I noticed that my 6-yo was being a lil rude/curt w/me, so I asked her what was up," Chambers wrote. "At first, she just looked at me, so I reiterated that I can't help her if I don't know what's wrong.

"Then I asked, 'Why are you being unkind to me? What happened?'

"She looked at me and said, 'I don't know,' and started crying. I told her, 'It's okay. Sometimes mommy just doesn't feel happy too. You're not in trouble. I just needed to know how to help.'"

Gold from the get-go. Even just asking the question, "Why are you being unkind to me?" invites a child to think through their thoughts and emotions in a way that doesn't put them in a space of fear or defensiveness. And having mom reiterate that she understands how it feels to not know why you're unhappy and share that she wants to help gives her daughter room to do this important work.

"She said, 'My brain tells me to be rude,'" Chambers went on. "I told her that's sort of how it happens for lots of people. When our emotions aren't happy, sometimes we take it out on others even when they don't deserve it.

"She asked, 'Wait. Your brain does it too?!' I told her yes, and then I asked her if I could teach her something that might help. She said yes, so I told her, 'When you aren't quite feeling right but don't want to be mean, you can say, "I'm not feeling my best self; I need a min."'"

Empathy. Compassion. Education. Concrete ideas for what to do instead of what they're doing. It's like a master class in positive, supportive parenting techniques.

Chambers continued:

"So, we practiced saying that over and over again until she felt better. She gave me a hug and stopped crying. I think about all the ways I *could've* responded, particularly a power trip bc 'I'm the adult,' but she needed to process something not even about me."

That right there is such a key thing that's easy to miss as a parent. So many times when our kids are expressing frustrations in our direction, they have nothing to do with us personally. We are merely a safe space for them to vent, and they may not even know why. That doesn't mean we should let them speak to us any old way they feel like it in the moment, but it does mean we can utilize that space to help them work through whatever they're feeling and figure out a different way of expressing themselves.

"Trying to be slower to projection or anger has really given me an opportunity to coach my children on emotional maturity," Chambers reflected. "Even at 6, she can learn how to challenge her own thoughts. She can learn how her brain works and the best ways to engage w/others."

Yes. Children are far better at this kind of emotional work than we give them credit for. It takes time and patience, but it pays off in the long run.

With a background in education, Chambers may have a leg up on many of us in terms of understanding child psychology and explaining it on a child's level, but that doesn't mean we can't all do our best to focus on empathy and education in our own parenting.

Not only does this kind of approach help kids learn how to manage their behavior, but it also strengthens bonds between parent and child. When your kiddo knows they can trust you to help them and not hurt them, when they get the message that their feelings are normal and they can learn to manage them, when they see that their mom or dad also have the same struggles they do sometimes and can help them through it, they know they've got support.

Our job is to teach them as the humans they are, not train them like animals at obedience school. And most importantly, we teach respect by exhibiting ourselves. When a child behaves in a way that's contrary to what we expect and what we've taught them, it usually means they're struggling with something. And nothing is more respectful than listening, acknowledging, empathizing, and helping when someone is clearly struggling.

Children learn what they live, as the saying goes. Thank you, Dr. Chae, for offering a beautiful example of what that looks like in action.

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Family

Dad's reaction to his son's spilled Slushee shows positive parenting in action

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Anyone who has raised kids or is in the process of raising kids can attest to the fact that parenting isn't easy. Kids don't come with instruction manuals, and there are literally hundreds of "experts" that give conflicting advice about how to not screw the whole thing up.

But every once in a while, a parenting story comes along that we can all look at and say, "Ah, yes! THAT'S what parenting should look like."

Though the origin is unclear, Facebook user Renee Yancey's shared a screenshot of the story, which has now been shared from her page more than 88,000 times.


It reads:

"I just witnessed a boy, maybe about 6 or 7, accidentally spill a slushee everywhere. I'm talking blue and red goop all over the floor, the table, everywhere. The boy looked up at who I assume was his father, and apologized. Instead of getting angry, his father just said 'Hey, it happens. Let's go get napkins and I can show you how to clean it up.' Then they calmly went to get napkins and then he helped him clean the entire mess. Then, as they were throwing the napkins away, the father said to his son, 'You're going to be a human being for a long time, and you have such a smart brain that it's important you learn how to be more aware of what you're doing. So next time just be sure to pay more attention to your surroundings so accidents like this don't happen. Accidents like these can be prevented, but it's still okay if they happen. As long as you take responsibility for your mistakes, the clean up is a breeze.'

I have no words. That is parenting done right."

The story is simple on the surface, and for some it may not seem like anything earth-shattering.

But when you're in the day-to-day thick of parenting, it's not always that simple. It's easy to forget that our kids are just learning how to be. It's easy to lose our patience or express frustration when they make a mess that could have been prevented. It's easy to think that we just need to have them clean up messes themselves to teach them a lesson. It's easy to rush through fixing a mistake and forget to talk through the lessons that can be learned from it.

RELATED: This mother's description of her tween son's brain is a must-read for all parents

But this dad hit all the right notes with his reaction. He remained calm and patient. He showed his kid how to fix his mess, and modeled compassion and helpfulness in the process. He let his son know how to try to prevent such things from happening, but also let him know that it's not the end of the world if it does. He made cleaning up just the right thing to do as opposed to an embarrassing consequence, and gave his son the big picture in addition to helping him handle this specific incident.

He cleaned up the mess with his son. He didn't make him do it by himself, and he didn't do it for him. To me, that says to a child, "Hey, sometimes stuff happens that we don't plan for, but I'm here to help you work your way through it." He gave his son the big picture, in addition to helping him handle this specific incident. He empowered and encouraged him while teaching him how to take responsibility.

Well done, dad. What a wonderful world it would be if all parents took a page out of your book.

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