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Upset that a friend voted differently than you? Expert shares how to heal and reconnect.

Ignoring people won't solve the problem.

via Canva/Photos

Americans voting in the 2024 election

The 2024 election was an emotional rollercoaster for millions of Americans. Those who voted for Trump have reason to celebrate, while those who supported Harris or a third-party candidate are probably deflated and need a while to recover emotionally.

The election was notable because there was a significant shift in voters from the Democratic to the Republican ticket over the 2020 election. So many people may now find themselves on opposite ends of the aisle with friends or loved ones with whom they previously agreed.

A lot of folks have to deal with the fact that their friends or family members voted differently than them, and, honestly, it can sting a bit, especially when hot-button issues are on the table, such as women’s rights, immigration, the economy, health care, LGBTQ rights and more.

2024 election, mental health, trump, harrisA woman displaying her "I voted" stickervia Flickr/Bethraebel

Regardless of who you voted for, you may feel a twinge of animosity toward a loved one who chose someone different and may not be sure how to get over your feelings. Upworthy spoke with Jessica McCarthy, Psy.D., a clinical neuropsychologist, clinical psychologist and certified school psychologist, to help our readers repair their relationships after the election.

McCarthy is also the Founder and Clinical Director of Elements Psychological Services.

“What’s interesting is that regardless of the political spectrum, people’s emotions are the same—frustrated, angry, passionate, betrayed, dismayed, scared, hopeful, determined, bewildered,” McCarthy told Upworthy. “People’s personal values and viewpoints are something that they hold near and dear to them—and if it’s a deal-breaker issue, the reactions are more extreme in scale if the opposing view is from a loved one.”

In the aftermath of the election, you may want to distance yourself from the people who voted differently than you, and McCarthy believes that’s acceptable. However, it would be best to communicate how you’re feeling, instead of mysteriously dropping out of their lives without notice.

“Sometimes, people need space to sit and process—this, again, can be done through communicating about readiness and willingness to connect,” McCarthy told Upworthy. “Space and silence should never be weaponized in a relationship, but that need for space can also be honored in a way through effective communication about limits and when both parties can reconvene and communicate.”

2024 election, mental health, trump, harrisA man displaying her "I voted" sticker.via Jimmy Zo/Flickr

Instead of disappearing from your friends’ lives altogether, text them, saying, “I need time to sort through my emotions after the election. I'm looking forward to talking with you when I am ready.”

McCarthy says that maintaining relationships with people you disagree with can be challenging because people need to have their viewpoints heard. It can be stifling for people to feel forced to keep their mouths shut around loved ones.

However, some relationships can thrive when firm rules of engagement are in place. For example, you and your friend can agree that you shouldn’t talk about politics to preserve the relationship.

“I have plenty of patients in my practice who have friends who have differing stances in the aforementioned areas, and the health of the relationship is determined by the ‘rules of engagement’—either directly or indirectly agreed upon rules that serve as guidelines for how to navigate these topics (and often, it’s agreed upon not to discuss them),” McCarthy says. “These relationships work because there is tremendous value and enjoyment in other areas of the relationship from which both parties mutually benefit.”

There’s nothing wrong with feeling let down by a loved one who voted differently in the election. People’s political views are closely tied to their moral values, so it’s understandable to have big emotions over people you love making a different value judgment. The key to keeping the relationship going on a new, healthy path is to share how you feel, listen to your loved ones and agree on the best path forward. “Anytime there has been a rupture in a relationship, there needs to be communication as to how to proceed and what repair might look like,” McCarthy says.

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Ohio dad begs politicians not to use his son's death to demonize Haitian migrants

Nathan Clark didn't mince words at a city commission meeting.

Photo by chris robert on Unsplash

11-year-old Aiden Clark was killed in a school bus accident in August of 2023.

Stoking fear about immigrants for political gain is nothing new, but a particularly heinous wave of fear-mongering over Haitian immigrants in Ohio has prompted one grieving family to speak out in a powerful way.

The parents of 11-year-old Aiden Clark, who was killed in a school bus accident in August of 2023, stood together at the podium at a Springfield City Commission meeting on September 10, 2024, begging people to stop invoking their son's name to spread hate. The driver of the minivan, 36-year-old Haitian immigrant Hermanio Joseph, crossed the centerline, colliding with the school bus carrying Aiden and around 50 other students and causing the crash. Aiden was killed and around 20 other students were injured in the accident.

Aiden Clark's father says he wasn't murdered

Along with spreading unfounded accusations of Haitian immigrants in Springfield, Ohio, stealing and eating pets, some Republican politicians have used Aiden's death to support anti-immigrant rhetoric. Even vice presidential candidate JD Vance posted on X that "a child was murdered by a Haitian migrant," appearing to refer to the accident that killed Aiden.

"My son, Aiden Clark, was not murdered," Aiden's father, Nathan Clark, said at the meeting. "He was accidentally killed by an immigrant from Haiti. This tragedy is felt all over this community, this state and even the nation. But don’t spin this towards hate."

Clark didn't mince words sharing his feelings about how "reprehensible" it is that people would use his son's death as "a political tool."

"You know, I wish that my son, Aiden Clark, was killed by a 60-year-old white man. I bet you never thought anyone would ever say something so blunt. But if that guy killed my 11-year-old son, the incessant group of hate-spewing people would leave us alone," Clark said.

"The last thing that we need is to have the worst day of our lives violently and constantly shoved in our faces. But even that’s not good enough for them," he continued. "They take it one step further. They make it seem as though our wonderful Aiden appreciates your hate. That we should follow their hate. And look what you’ve done to us. We have to get up here and beg them to stop."

Nathan clark asks people to "live like Aiden"

Clark pointed to specific politicians who have invoked his son's name "for political gain" and called for such rhetoric to end.

"This needs to stop now," he said. "They can vomit all the hate they want about illegal immigrants, the border crisis, and even untrue claims about fluffy pets being ravaged and eaten by community members. However, they are not allowed, nor have they ever been allowed, to mention Aiden Clark from Springfield, Ohio. I will listen to them one more time to hear their apologies."

Clark said that Aiden "researched different cultures to better appreciate and understand people he interacted with." He said he told his son he would try to make a difference in his honor and invited people to "live like Aiden."

"In order to live like Aiden, you need to accept everyone," he said. "Choose to shine. Make the difference. Lead the way and be the inspiration. What many people in this community and state and nation are doing is the opposite of what you should be doing."

Springfield, Ohio, has seen an influx of Haitian immigrants over the past several years, with approximately 15,000 Haitians making their way to work in the struggling industrial town of nearly 60,000. The swift population growth has come with growing pains including rising rents due to increased demand and an increase in welfare and federal assistance. But contrary to the fear-mongering rhetoric, violent crime and property crime have not increased, according to Reuters.

Others in Springfield speak out against hate for Haitian migrants

The Clarks are not the only Springfield residents to come to the defense of Haitian immigrants in the wake of hateful allegations about them. Springfield metal factory owner Jamie McGregor told PBS NewsHour that he has hired 30 Haitians, about 10% of his workforce, and he wished he had 30 more.

"Our Haitian associates come to work every day," McGregor said. "They don't have a drug problem. They'll stay at their machine, they'll achieve their numbers. They are here to work."

The United Farm Workers labor union also spoke out about the baseless, disgusting allegations against Haitian migrant workers in a post on X.

"We organize with Haitian-origin farm workers in NY. They’re as American as the apple pie their work makes possible, but right wing racists are spreading dehumanizing lies. Haitians are not eating pets. They’re feeding America. The anti-Haitian bigotry we’re seeing is repulsive," the union wrote. "(Cannot believe this is something we need to say.)" they added.

And yet, the rumors about the Haitian population in Springfield persist in right-wing circles on social media.To be extra clear, a spokesperson for the Springfield police issued a statement saying, "In response to recent rumors alleging criminal activity by the immigrant population in our city, we wish to clarify that there have been no credible reports or specific claims of pets being harmed, injured or abused by individuals within the immigrant community."

Unfortunately, using fear and prejudice against immigrants—or anyone easily deemed an "other"—has proven for decades to be an effective political strategy. Fueling our most primal instincts of self-preservation and fear of the unknown is the playbook dictators and autocrats have used time and again to rise to power and successfully commit atrocities. Especially when coupled with economic anxiety and times of uncertainty, scapegoating immigrants works. It may be an unjust and hateful strategy, but it works.

The more voices like Nathan Clark and Jamie McGregor and the United Farm Workers we have to counter the purposeful fear-mongering about specific populations, the better. There are legitimate conversations to be had about managing immigration and ensuring migration is handled in a sustainable way, but equating a car accident with murder and claiming without evidence that people are eating people's pets are not it.

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6 things we can all learn about communication from Pete Buttigieg, regardless of politics

"What's the point of having a conversation if you're not speaking to people who don't already agree with you?"

Photo credit: Gage Skidmore from Surprise, AZ, United States of America

Mayor Pete has made a name for himself as a master communicator.

Watching someone who excels at what they do, especially when they’re at the top of their game, is awe-inspiring. You don’t have to be a basketball fan to be wowed by Steph Curry’s 3-pointers. You don’t have to love gymnastics to be blown away by Simone Biles’ feats.You don’t have to like her music to see that Pink can sing her face off.

And you don’t have to be a Democrat or even into politics at all to appreciate the communication skills of Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg.

The former mayor of South Bend, Indiana, has made a name for himself for his ability to knock interviews out of the park, no matter who they’re with or where they take place. And it's more than just him being a good orator. Public speaking is a different skill set than doing interviews, and extemporaneous interactions—arguably a more difficult arena to master—are where he really shines.

What can we learn from Mayor Pete’s impressive and seemingly rare ability? Let’s break down what makes him such an effective communicator and the lessons we can take from him:

1. Do your research

Buttigieg comes across as knowledgeable because he is. He takes the time to gather relevant facts and statistics about whatever he’s talking about. He doesn’t just offer empty talking points; he backs up his points with facts and figures and examples, which gives him credibility. If he doesn’t know enough about a subject to speak intelligently on it, he doesn’t pretend to. He deftly shifts the conversation to what he does know.

2. Keep your cool

It’s easy to get rattled when you’re live and on the spot, but Buttigieg exemplifies “cool, calm and collected” every single time. Perhaps some of this is just his personality, but it’s also a skill that anyone can practice. It really comes down to emotional regulation—learning to manage nerves, fear, insecurity, anger and frustration. No matter what an interviewer throws at Buttigieg, his ability to regulate his emotional responses enables him to respond with clear, logical confidence.

3. Stay on topic until it's time to move on

What frequently happens in political discourse is that someone will ask a question, the responder will start to answer, and then the interviewer will cut them short to deflect to another point or question or topic. One thing Buttigieg is really good at is resisting the urge to bite when that happens. He is incredibly disciplined at staying on topic and driving home the points he wants to communicate before moving on.

One way he does this is by not leaving any long pauses that allow someone to interrupt. Another way is that he always ready to dip into his well of knowledge to bring up relevant information.

4. Understand the 'other side'

So often, people are so focused on their own perspective that they don’t take the time to learn and understand differing perspectives. Buttigieg not only knows the other person’s opposing arguments, but he also understands the language the opposing side uses to make those arguments. As psychology professor Daniel Meegan points out, Buttigieg presents progressive ideas using conservative framing and language, so people on the "other side" can more easily understand and see themselves in his perspective.

Presenting your ideas in your opponent’s framework is a subtle but brilliant tactic that’s incredibly effective. Instead of triggering instant resistance, you give them an opportunity to hear you out—and maybe even agree with you—without compromising their own values and beliefs.

5. Be willing to converse on unfriendly turf

When asked why he goes on Fox News for interviews so often, Buttigieg responded, "What's the point of having a conversation if you're not speaking to people who don't already agree with you?" He is not only willing to engage with people who disagree, but he's willing to go to them and talk to them on their "turf." He calls it “meeting people where they are” and points out that If no one is willing to present different ideas on a one-sided network, that network’s viewers simply never get to hear them.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

This may actually be Buttigieg's greatest strength, which at its heart is more about a genuine desire to make a difference and to make sure people have a chance to hear different viewpoints than it is about rhetorical skill.

6. Be kind, courteous and fair

No matter where Buttigieg is interviewed or who is interviewing him, he always shows up in a spirit of good faith and expresses gratitude for the opportunity to converse. He doesn't come in with guns a-blazin’ and there’s no air of antagonism on his part. He listens to different perspectives and offers his own, genuinely creating a conversation in which differing viewpoints are heard. He may have to utilize the other skills in this list to prevent those conversations from going off the rails, but he does so without ever appearing rude or argumentative. Few people are able to walk that line, but he does and does it well.

Even if you don't agree with Buttigieg on anything, there's no question that the guy is a master communicator. That's likely a combination of innate ability, an excellent education and practiced skill, but there are things we can all take from observing him, regardless of what we believe or where we fall on the political spectrum.

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Americans with angry, offensive political signs and flags are more likely to be psychopaths

Everything you thought about your neighbor is true.

via Webrecognitions and Cam Miller/Flickr

An anti-Biden flag and an an anti-Trump yard sign.

It’s the run-up to the 2024 election in the United States, and yard signs, bumper stickers and massive flags are popping up everywhere as people try to persuade one another on how to cast their ballots. Some folks have positive stickers with their candidate’s name or a slogan, while others choose to denigrate the other side with nasty remarks.

You may see a Democratic voter with a yard sign that says "Trump for prison" or "Trumpism is a cult." Or, you may have a Republican neighbor with a massive flag on their home that says “Let’s Go Brandon” (a slur against Joe Biden) or a car with a bumper sticker that reads: "This Car Runs on Liberal Tears."

Interestingly, your neighbor’s sign on his yard may tell you a lot more about them than their political views. A recent study published in the Journal of Research in Personality found it could be a sign that they have what psychologists refer to as the “dark triad” of personality traits: psychopathy.

According to Psychology Today, “Psychopathy is a condition characterized by the absence of empathy.” People with the trait are known for being callous, detached and manipulative. “Psychopaths can appear normal, even charming. Underneath, they lack any semblance of conscience,” the site says.

trump yard sign, etsy, political polarization. An offensive Trump yard sign. via Etsy

The discovery was outlined in a recent study published in the Journal of Research in Personality.

Participants in the study looked at various T-shirts, hats and buttons with offensive political messages and shared their willingness to wear them in various settings. The study showed that people who showed signs of psychopathy were more likely to display the offensive products.

“Dark dispositions are associated with more offensive forms of political expression,” the study’s co-author Matejas Mackin told PsyPost. “In other words, while there are certainly social and political factors that contribute to more polarized forms of expression, the dispositions people bring to the table are also relevant.”

The new findings may validate those who secretly wondered whether something might be wrong with the guy up the block with an obnoxious sign on his lawn. But they are also an indicator that the same person may need some help and is struggling with a psychological problem.

anti-trump sign, political polarization, psychopathsAn anti-Trump 2024 sign. via Printerval.com

If the story's findings attract the public’s attention, they could inspire people who promote negative messages to change how they support their favorite causes and candidates. When people realize that their bumper sticker screams “I’m a psychopath” instead of “I’m a patriot” or “I care about women’s rights,” they may rethink how they share their views.

The study's authors hope that it will help people express themselves in a less polarizing way.

“The ultimate goal of my work is to understand why we are polarized and develop interventions to address political polarization and the outgroup animosity it engenders,” Mackin said. “To be sure, disagreeing with and disliking the other side is often reasonable, but at the extreme it can fray the fabric of democratic society. Thus, understanding the social and dispositional factors that contribute to polarization is increasingly relevant and necessary.”

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