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8 things happy couples habitually do in their free time that other couples don’t

“Relationships thrive on ritual.”

Photo credit: Canva

Showing your partner that you care isn't always a walk in the park.

Congratulations, you found your dream partner! They're caring, attractive, and preternaturally good with your parents. The only problem? Finding the time—and mental energy—to show them how much you care. Living with a busy schedule is always challenging, but keeping the romance alive while also juggling work, family obligations, and personal commitments? That can feel nearly impossible. Many couples find themselves falling into predictable routines that leave little room for genuine connection: they come home exhausted, eat a quick dinner, watch television, then collapse into bed, only to repeat the cycle the next day.

Intentional relationships are the game-changer. Rather than letting precious free time slip away on autopilot, happy couples have proven that specific activities strengthen their bond while creating lasting memories together. These aren't grand romantic gestures or expensive date nights—they're consistent, meaningful ways of engaging with each other that anyone can adopt.

couple, happy, embrace, habits, partnerIntentional relationships are a game-changer. Photo credit: Canva

Relationship experts agree: successful partnerships are built on activities that promote connection, playfulness, and mutual growth. The key lies in how couples approach their shared time—with intention, kindness, and a genuine spirit of partnership.

(1) They put their phones away

As Mark Travers, a psychologist who studies couples, finds, “a couple who spends a lot of time together, but is constantly distracted by texts, emails or social media, probably isn’t as happy as a couple who spends less time together, but without their phones.” He recommends carving out one-on-one time without any technological interference: cooking dinner together, with phones out of sight; going on a tech-free hike; or a simple morning spent together where the only objects in your hands are a coffee mug and breakfast.

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(2) They engage in playful or creative activities together

Playfulness and a stimulated mind are key traits in happy relationships. Instead of turning on the TV at night, happy couples often play board games or card games together, challenge each other in video games, or participate in friendly competitions like trivia nights to keep things light and fun. For more cerebral couples, finding time to engage in creative activities such as painting or even decorating the apartment can strengthen the connection.

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(3) They spend time outdoors and stay active

Happy couples love to get the blood pumping! Many successful relationships find themselves outdoors: hiking, biking, gardening, or taking a simple morning walk around the neighborhood. These activities not only promote physical health, but also offer valuable opportunities for relaxed conversation and shared adventure.

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(4) They practice small acts of kindness

Small, everyday gestures can make a world of difference—making each other coffee in the morning, leaving notes, giving a meaningful hug, or surprising your partner with a thoughtful gift at the end of a long week. These tiny actions accumulate and significantly impact relationship satisfaction. Even seemingly commonplace rituals, like a goodbye kiss before heading to work, can substantially increase happiness between couples.

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(5) They schedule time for physical and emotional intimacy

When life comes at you fast, it can be easy to forgo important connections, like cuddling, massages, and sex, in a relationship. Many studies show that couples who have a satisfying sex life are more likely to be happy in their relationships, which makes structured intimacy a “good thing,” according to Travers. “Many people think it can diminish spontaneity, but if anything, it actually removes the mental fatigue of trying to make intimacy happen,” he writes.

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(6) They allow for individual recharge time

Yes, togetherness is essential. But happy couples also recognize each other's need for solo activities, which ensures that both partners feel refreshed and fulfilled. Hanging out with friends without your partner is healthy. Going to the grocery store alone can be surprisingly beneficial. Even morning journaling to collect your thoughts and reconnect with yourself can be a meaningful practice.

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(7) They hang out and socialize together

Mutual social interactions reinforce a couple's bond and add spice and variety to their routine. Try planning time with mutual friends or hosting a game night together to unlock your relationship's potential.

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(8) They dream about the future together

Happy couples feel safe with one another, and that includes discussing their futures together. If you're feeling stagnant or locked into a routine, try making vision boards together or dreaming about future adventures to stay aligned and inspired by your shared journey.

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Relationships evolve over time. The people we are when we first meet are not the same people we find ourselves with day in and day out. For some, this familiarity can feel overwhelming—but couples who thrive recognize that their relationship deserves the same attention and care they give to other important aspects of life. Through these small, daily actions, any couple can build a strong foundation capable of weathering any storm.

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Guy who succeeded in cutting his phone usage by 80% shares his tips and powerful insights

He says cutting down has been "hard, but life changing."

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These are actually really helpful.

Almost all of us at one point have attempted to reduce our screentime in an effort to thwart its addictive tendencies. Whether that’s incorporating some kind of app usage monitoring, keeping the phone away from arms reach in the morning, using one of those fancy phone locking pouches, etc. But boy, is it hard not to fall right back into the same pattern.

That’s why it always feels appropriate to hear from folks who have somehow managed to not only do the impossible, but stay consistent with it. You never know what tips and tricks you might find to make your own screen reduction dream a reality.

Recently someone shared how they were able to rescue their screen time by a whopping 80%. Here’s how they did it.

On the r/productivity subreddit, user u/jjohn6646 (whom we'll just call "John") shared how previously he would spend 4+ hours on social media (including Reddit) and 2+ hours on messaging and work stuff.

The biggest things that helped him go from going from 6 hours of phone usage a day to only 1 measly hour were as follows:

Creating a 30-day weaning off plan.

John shared that rather than going cold turkey, each week he would cut back by one hour (though he ended up doing more than that).

Incorporating a tangible reminder.

Placing a rubber band over his phone reminded John to ask himself, “Is this the best usage of mental energy right now?” each time he reached for his device.

Having a go-to "redirect."

For John, it was a book. For others it could be a journal, a simple craft, stretching, sprucing up around the house…you get the idea.

Using an app blocker with stricter settings than iOS screen time.

Quite simply because “iOS defaults are too easy to skip.” AppBlock comes highly recommended for its strict mode settings.

On that note, John added that it helped to set up "morning" and "evening" downtime blocks with the app to eliminate any distracting app during crucial parts of the day. He also only allotted a specific amount of opens for each individual distracting app.

Embracing the boredom.

This one is perhaps the most important of all. It can be so difficult to withstand the pressures of needing to fill every second of time. Even when we’re trying to let go of bad habits, there’s the inherent obligation to replace it with a “productive” one. Social media (and almost all technology we use on a daily basis, really) only exacerbates this. But in reality, we are not designed to be productive or stimulated 24/7.

But as John reminds us, “Our minds tend to panic when we don't have ‘something to do,’ but if you can push through the initial panic, there is a real sense of calm on the other side.”


What I learned while reducing phone screen time by 80% — 6 hrs per day to 1hr
byu/jjohn6646 inproductivity

Having successfully met his goal, John also took away some valuable insights sure to give anyone a little inspiration for their own screen reduction endeavors:

  • There is more time in the day than you realize
  • It's extremely easy to "slip," as I have many times in the past
  • Being "productive" doesn't always mean reaching for your phone just for the sake of doing something — sometimes doing nothing can set you up for more long term productivity
  • We are meant to be bored sometimes (and being bored can make you enjoy the little things more)

John prompted a number of readers to thank him for his advice and even share their own helpful tidbits as well.

“Once I realized all of these notifications and apps were just fancy fidget spinners, and I was designing my own hamster wheel, my interest in smartphones greatly decreased,” one person wrote.

“Great advice, thanks for sharing! Another tip I find helps is to keep a small notebook to hand. I found myself reaching for my phone all the time to check something or look something up. Write down any questions or things to look up online in the notepad, then spend a short allocated time at some point in the day to look them all up in one hit, rather than constantly reaching for the phone,” added another.

Another gushed, “Wow this is really inspiring and helpful. I went through a phase where I deleted all social media from my phone and my creativity, reading, meditation time skyrocketed. I fell back into the habit after a while and am back to 5-6 hours of screen time a day. I delete Reddit, then redownload it the same day. 😭 But this post just gave me the push I need, broke it down in an easy practical way. Thank you op!”

Sometimes we just need to see that a hard thing can be done in order for us to commit to doing it ourselves. If you're looking to reduce your screen time (which let’s be honest, is all of us) take it from John:

It’s “hard, but life changing.”

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He was always on his phone. Then he made this incredible change you can try too.

10 simple steps to break bad habits and take back control.

I had fallen into a dangerous loop. I knew I was doing it too much.

It was easy to justify checking my phone constantly — especially since I work on a newsletter that collects valuable ideas from around the web. I was constantly browsing and searching, all day, every day.

So I did something about it.

I didn’t take a "digital detox" and completely abandon social media for a brief period of time because that feels more like a temporary treatment than an actual solution. I might have felt better for a couple days, but once I returned from my detox, I assume everything else would have gone back to "normal" — and normal wasn’t working for me.

I set out to change my phone habits and create a simple set of rules to limit the negative (and amplify the positive) impacts of when and how I use my phone.

What I came up with was this set of 10 guidelines to ensure I used my phone with more intention. They made a huge difference in how often I check my phone, what I get out of it, and how I feel about it.

1. I stopped checking my phone in my car.

I never really checked my phone while driving — it's dangerous (and you should definitely stop that whether you try out these rules or not), but with this rule I also outlawed checking it at stoplights, in heavy traffic, or any time I was in my car.

I discovered how often I was checking my phone in the car previously, how unnecessary it was, and how it actually made things like sitting in traffic more frustrating than they otherwise might be.

2. I stopped checking my phone during TV commercials.

I hate commercials as much as the next guy, and sometimes social media seems like it was invented to fill up those two-minute interruptions — no wonder I checked my phone at every TV timeout.

But when I picked up my phone during a commercial, I rarely put it back down when the show came back on. It captured my attention and drew it away from what I actually wanted to watch.

To help me stick with this rule, I implemented another one…

3. I kept my phone across the room when I wasn’t using it.

Turns out the only thing stronger than the allure of social networks is the allure of not getting up off the couch.

The further my phone is from me, the less likely I am to randomly check it.

4. I turned off all notifications.

If we enable them, we are asking our phones to interrupt us. This interruptions can be unnecessary and poisonous. Now, there are no dings when somebody likes my Facebook post or sends me an email.

5. I chose an end point for each random surfing session.

I believe in the value of "getting lost on the internet" and continue to do so. But now, when I pick up my phone to do some random surfing, I set an end point for the journey before I start. For example, when I decide to browse Twitter, I also consciously decide to do so for just 20 minutes.

It protects my time and ensures a little surfing doesn’t turn into a time suck, but it also creates a space for me to explore and discover new things.

6. I stopped checking my phone while in line.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with this, but it’s definitely not an intentional use of your phone.

By following this rule, I send a message to myself that I’m in control of my attention as opposed to ceding it to my phone any time I’ve got a moment to spare.

7. I created a framework for my day with buffers at the beginning and end of it.

If the first thing I do when I wake up and the last thing I do before going to sleep is to check my phone, what kind of message does that send to my brain about the role of my phone in my life?

One of the simplest things I did to switch up my phone habits was to create a buffer zone — in the morning and at night — when I don’t use my phone.

I don’t pick up my phone until I’ve finished breakfast (which typically means I’ve been up for at least 30 minutes) and stop using my phone at least an hour before going to sleep.

8. I put my phone away after I post something on social media.

After I post an article or a tweet or a Facebook status, I’m going to be tempted to check and see whether people like and share it over the next hour or two.

To counteract this pull, I made it a rule to log off after posting something and not check my phone for a while. It’s a conscious effort to avoid getting drawn into my phone in an unnecessary usage pattern.

Likes, shares, or interactions will still be there when I check back in, and I don’t need to follow the action in real time.

9. I stopped repeating the cycle.

By the time I went through checking a couple of email addresses, my Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Medium accounts, enough time went by that I felt the urge to go back to the beginning of the cycle and check them all again to see what was new since I last checked.

Obviously, that’s not a great habit.

I created this rule, which means I go through the cycle and check each platform once per phone-use session, and when I’m done, I’m done.

10. I recognized it’s a work in progress.

One of the reasons I don’t like the concept of a full digital detox is because it’s an all-or-nothing scenario ,  and I don’t believe that’s how we ultimately create positive, lasting change.

My effort to be more intentional with my phone hasn’t been perfect, but it has helped me start to make lasting changes in my habits.

Like all things, it’s a work in progress. That’s OK. The point is to head in the right direction and learn along the way  —  and that’s exactly what these rules helped me to do. I hope they help you as well.

This article originally appeared in the "For the Interested" newsletter, a weekly collection of ideas to help you learn, do, and become better. It is reprinted here with permission.

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