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philosophy

Writer Michel de Montaigne and a happy couple.

There are many ways to evaluate your marriage to determine whether you’re truly happy. Does it mean that you don’t fight very often? Does it mean that it’s filled with passion? Does it mean that you have no desire to be with anyone else? Is it because you have all of your business affairs in order, or is that the marriage is safe and predictable?

Further, like any relationship, there’s an ebb and flow to marriage where even the most perfect relationship has its ups and downs. Popular TikTok philosopher and Substack writer Juan de Medeiros recently shared an easy way to figure out if you, your spouse, or someone you know is in a happy marriage. He says it goes back to a quote by French author Michel de Montaigne: “If there is such a thing as a good marriage, it is because it resembles friendship rather than love.”

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Marriage❤️ #married #marriedlife #marriage #love

“And what he meant is that love is a good starting point,” de Medeiros explains. “But if you want to be together for a long time, you have to become best friends. In fact, you could have been best friends to begin with and then fallen in love.”

What's the secret to a happy marriage?

He also points to author Dr. Seuss to elaborate on the importance of friendship in a marriage. Suess writes, “We are all a little weird, and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.”

dr. suess, cat in the hat, authors, ted geisel, famous writersTed Geisel aka Dr. Seuss.via AL Ravenna/Wikimedia Commons

In Seuss’s view, unconventional quirks and characteristics bring people together. When everything that makes you unique in the world is either shared by your partner or cherished by them, it creates a bond and a common language that is impossible to duplicate. This “mutual weirdness” is also a powerful quality that helps people weather life's storms.

The post resonated with many of de Medeiros’s followers, who shared the benefits of having a marriage based on mutual weirdness. “My husband and I mutually hate everyone else. It’s the best relationship I’ve ever been in,” Kacie wrote. “My husband is weird, so am I. We made four weird kids,” Megan added. “When something weird or funny happens to me, I can’t WAIT to call or text my husband to share it with him. Been happily married for almost 30 years,” Pharmtech commented.

marriage, couples, happy couples, marriage advice, good marriages, couple on beachA couple taking a selfie.via Canva/Photos

Some also noted that even though Seuss may have some thoughtful things to say about love, he wasn’t the most incredible husband. "Unfortunately, Dr. Seuss is a terrible role model for marriage," Missy wrote.

Ultimately, as people age passion will wane in the relationship. Couples who have all the money in the world can still be miserable. Children may bring joy in the long run, but they can make marriage more stressful. But breaking a couple up is hard when their foundation is built on true friendship.

“And that's what a happy marriage is. It's the highest form of friendship,” de Medeiros ends his video. “It's finding someone who feels like your best buddy, like the person you wanna have around you all the time. The person you can't live without. That's what makes a happy marriage, being best friends.”

Health

Philosopher shares the subtle giveaway that someone is 'not very smart'

When you see this trait, it's time to rethink your relationship.

A man pointing at someone.

Individuals and groups have used scapegoating to blame their problems on others since the term was first coined in The Old Testament and probably long before. We see it all the time in politics, where leaders blame specific groups or ideologies for their country’s failures. We also see it in personal relationships where families blame one person for everyone’s problems or workplaces make an employee the fall guy for a failed project.

In a viral TikTok video, philosopher Julian de Medeiros explains why scapegoating is a sign that someone is unintelligent. He begins by quoting one of the most powerful British union leaders in the first half of the 20th century, Ernest Bevin, who once said: “An unintelligent person is always looking for a scapegoat.”

What's a sign that someone is unintelligent?

“What he meant is that a sign that somebody is not very intelligent is that they always have to blame their problems on other people. Like, it's never something they've done; it's always somebody else's fault,” de Medeiros says in a video with over 230,000 views. “They can avoid accountability; they can avoid introspection and self-reflection, which means that they can avoid growth because it's always somebody else's fault. A smart person is introspective, self-critical, and wants to grow, but an unintelligent person blames other people.”

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Intelligent vs. unintelligent #quotes #life #intelligent #wisdom


It can be hard to come to grips with our failures in life, whether they are financial problems, relationship issues or fear of losing control. “There are things that we cannot bear to see about ourselves. ‘I really don’t want to be seen as vulnerable or stupid or weak or greedy,’” Deborah Stewart, a Jungian psychoanalyst, told The Washington Post. “I don’t have to deal with myself if I scapegoat if I blame. That’s the part that most people don’t really know — that they are trying to expel some of their very own feelings by putting them on others.”

People and groups that are made into scapegoats can be put into incredible danger or subject to public disgrace, whether it is the Jewish people during the Holocaust or Anne Boleyn during the reign of King Henry VIII, or Yoko Ono for the breakup of The Beatles.

The big problem with scapegoating.

Those who scapegoat others for their failures can be seen as unintelligent because they refuse to take responsibility for their actions or even recognize where they may have been wrong. When people point their fingers at others, they also ensure that they never learn from their problems and are bound to repeat them. Intelligent people have a growth mindset, and scapegoating is the exact opposite.

Further, when societies refuse to look at the real causes of their problems and instead blame them on scapegoats, they will fail to progress. However, it’s very easy for leaders to fall into the scapegoat trap because it prevents them from being responsible and appears to solve problems when they are actually taking the easy way out.

Ultimately, it comes down to a core question: do you want to deflect blame for your problems by scapegoating someone else, or do you want to accept responsibility and grow from your difficulties? Ironically, those who scapegoat may think it makes their lives easier. However, living a life making the same mistakes repeatedly is a lot harder than accepting responsibility.

Mental Health

Things people 'used to believe in strongly' but no longer do

From adults being "smart" to the idea that "everything happens for a reason."

People used to believe "strongly" in these things but no longer do.

It’s normal to adapt your worldview with time and wisdom, especially after realizing that a lot of your past beliefs were built on shaky foundations. When I was a kid, for example, I used to think every doctor on the planet was a virtuous genius—and then I had the pleasure of searching for a long-term gastroenterologist. (I did find a virtuous genius, mind you. But it took a lot of searching.)

On that note, it’s a fascinating exercise to think about our shifting perceptions. In a recent viral post, a group of strangers sounded off on the following prompt: "What’s something you used to believe in strongly but no longer do?"

As of this writing, the top response in the r/AskReddit thread is, "I used to really believe in 'everything happens for a reason,' but now I think sometimes things just happen and we make meaning from it." The exchanges are both enlightening and hilarious as people politely debate the very definition of "reason."

- YouTubeTurning 40 got me thinking about all the lessons I've learned over the years—things I wish someone had told me in my 20s and ...

"It’s up to us to find meaning in what happens," another user wrote, pointing to the random nature of life. "[N]ot everything has some bigger purpose."

Someone replied that "things happen for reasons," just not by some grandiose design. "[H]istory is less God’s plan and more eldritch Lovecraftian chaos. The events of your life were largely decided long ago by patterns of history and culture that none of us can really understand other than to break them down to hyper specific pieces. Even then it largely just seems to drive us insane."

Of course, the question of faith and God was popular and reflected recent research on Americans and religion. In September 2022, the Pew Research Center published a report focused on the decline of Americans’ religious beliefs in recent decades. "Since 2007, the percentage of adults who say they are atheist, agnostic or 'nothing in particular' in the Center’s surveys has grown from 16% to 29%," they wrote. "During this time, the share of U.S. adults who identify as Christian has fallen from 78% to 63%."

Perhaps the most succinct reply in this exchange: "There is a reason. That reason is just usually a combination of entropy and human stupidity."

Someone else wrote that they no longer believe "that adults [are] smart," earning a lot of upvotes. As I illustrated in my comment about doctors, I couldn’t agree more with this one. Growing up, I thought all people over 30 (even those with a low IQ), were rich in other forms of intelligence like life experience and street smarts. Now I’m older than my parents were when I was born, and I realize how wrong I was.

gif of Joey Tribbiana tapping his head and saying, "Not just a hat rack, my friend."Season 6 Knowledge GIF by FriendsGiphy

One user no longer believes that "everything that goes around comes around," and they weren’t alone. In an amazing response, someone wrote, "Karma is highly misunderstood. Good and bad don’t exist; it’s all a matter of perspective. Karma is closer to physics—actions and decisions create consequences that affect our lives in sometimes unseen or unpredictable ways." Deep.

Other responses touch on the death penalty, the nature of empathy, marriage, spirituality, the nature of truth, welfare, marijuana, the idea that "you should never walk out of a job," Santa Claus, the justice system, the American Dream, and the concept of college being "always worth it."

On a lighter note, someone simply wrote, "[That] mayo on fries is gross. Spoiler, it's not."

Who knew that fighting games included philosophical quotes?

If you’re a gamer of a certain age, you may have read the following line from Mortal Kombat 3 video game: “There is no knowledge that is not power.”

That quote has been associated with the Mortal Kombat franchise for decades, from being the title of a song by a video game music cover band The Plasmas to the name of an in-game achievement in the recent Mortal Kombat 1game. While some gamers might be quick to credit Mortal Kombat co-creator Ed Boon with the quote, it actually originated from transcendentalist writer Ralph Waldo Emerson from his book Society and Solitude. Regardless of the quote’s actual origin, the video game’s appropriation of it has inspired discussion in online forums, Reddit, and various blogs.

It’s a good bit of wisdom, too. Aside from the obvious bits of knowledge that could get you a better position in life or an easier time accomplishing a task, even the most random bit of trivia can help you win a game or a bet amongst friends. It makes one wonder if there are other quotes from popular video games that could offer some greater insight into life. There’s even a Reddit thread about that.

Here are five other quotes from video games that provide good insight or life advice.

Kingdom Hearts promotion artPhoto credit: Square Enix/Disney

"The closer you get to the Light... the greater your shadow becomes." - Kingdom Hearts, written by Jun Akiyama, Daisuke Watanabe, and Kazushige Nojima

Aside from just being a description about how light works, it’s also a commentary on how greater good tends to face greater odds and opposition. It can also be interpreted about how the closer you are to self-realization, the more of yourself you might not like. Either way, it’s pretty deep to include such rhetoric in a game in which Donald Duck is a mage.

Rose from Street Figther Alpha 3Photo credit: Capcom

"Every action has the potential to fill or empty one's heart." - Rose, Street Fighter Alpha 3, developed by Capcom

This quote reminds those playing a fighting game that actions have consequences, whether they’re good, bad, or somehow both. Sometimes there are options that boost another person like giving them ice cream. Taking someone's ice cream brings them down. Taking someone’s ice cream and giving it to someone else does both. So it’s best to weigh in on your action’s potential before you make a move. It all depends on your skill. GO FOR BROKE!

Photo credit: Nintendo

"My past is not a memory. It's a force at my back. It pushes and steers. I may not always like where it leads me, but like any story, the past needs resolution. What's past is prologue." - Samus Aran, Metroid: The Other M, written by Yoshio Sakamoto

This quote gives credence to acknowledging your past, mistakes and all, without letting it hinder your future and the possibility of what you’ll become. Maybe you’ve done all the right moves in the past and you stay the course to what you want to accomplish. Maybe you made a big mistake but you can learn from it, then course correct to your desired goal. And even if you reach that goal, that's not the end, it’s onto the next thing. Because that goal is a part of your past now, a moment’s finish but the next moment’s prologue.

Scene from Dead Space video gamePhoto credit: Electronic Arts

"Good men mean well. We just don't always end up doing well" -Issac Clarke, Dead Space, written by Warren Ellis, Rick Remender, and Antony Johnston

A similar quote would be oft-quoted “The road to Hell is paved with good intentions” but this Dead Space quote has another meaning to it. It’s not just a warning that good men might allow or enact heinous things in the name of the “greater good” but also a warning for those that end up doing an actual greater good. Many good people end up dying so others may live or suffer themselves so others don’t have to suffer. Even those who survive after doing some good don’t end up unscathed. A person who fought in a just war may have lost a limb. A person who saved others in a burning building could have suffered burns themselves. Even something as small as helping your child when they’re sick could cause you to catch their bug. Doing good doesn’t mean you end up “well” in the end.

Max Payne aiming a gun.Photo credit: Rockstar Games

"Dreams have a nasty habit of going bad when you're not looking." - Max Payne, Max Payne, written by Sam Lake

A shoot-em-up like Max Payne isn’t usually this philosophical but Max has a point here. While we’re encouraged to follow our dreams, it's best to not just focus on the dream itself but the “why” and the actions around it. You have to ask yourself if the dream you’re pursuing is negatively impacting you, your loved ones, or innocents to ensure you’re not damaging them or to make sure you can live with the consequences of your dream. A responsible dream pursuer knows when to course-correct when a dream is turning bad or when to let a dream go entirely so as not to sacrifice anything worth keeping.

What other wisdom can be found in the games we play? It's best to enjoy them and share them with others, both the knowledge and the games themselves, too.