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Your 7-year-old is questioning the meaning of life. Now what?

Existential intelligence in kids is a good thing. Here's how to manage it.

Vitolda Klein & NASA/Unsplash

The meaning of life is a big question for all of us.

I put my parents through existential hell when I was a kid.

Even at just 7 or 8 years old, I didn't see the point in anything, and it left me defeated.

What, I just go to school, come home, do homework, go to bed, and then get up and do it all over again? What are even doing here?!

It must have frustrated them to no end. Looking back, of course they didn't have the answers! None of us do! It couldn't have been easy trying to explain that to a child who just wouldn't let it go.

A recent Reddit thread on r/Daddit made me realize I wasn't the only kid who had these big, philosophical thoughts.

A dad posted: "I was putting my 7 y.o to bed when he asked if it's weekend tomorrow. I said yes, then he asked 'and then it's school again?', then painstakingly said 'and then we do it all over again'. My boy has just realised what life is."

Dozens of other parents chimed in on the thread to share that their kids, too, had at some point become aware of the drudgery of daily life.

"On the school run earlier this week my son realised he'll have to work one day like mummy and daddy. Shortly followed by the words 'and then I'll be tired'", wrote one.

"My 8yo daughter asked me what the point of life is if all we do is slave away to pay taxes," said another.

And here's a brutal one for you:

"When my daughter was four she stood on the 10th step of our staircase and decided it was time for her to take her first flight. I told her that was not gonna happen and she was about to really hurt herself. She asked what age she'd finally be ready to fly. I told her never. People don't fly. She teared up and asked 'what's the point of life then??'."

When kids start questioning life, existence, and the universe, it's called Existential Intelligence. Believe it or not, it's a good thing.

space and the cosmosNASA/Unsplash

Existential Intelligence refers to an ability to see the big picture.

So often we're focused on more tangible skills like math, reading comprehension, language skills and memorization in kids.

But some kids just seem to have a knack for seeing the whole forest, so to speak. And that can lead them to ask big questions. According to MentalUp, common questions from kids who excel in this kind of thinking are:

  • Where did we come from?
  • Where do you go when you die?
  • Why are there numbers?
  • What are our lives for? / Why are we here?
That's just the kind of topic every parent loves to discuss right before bedtime!

(If you've ever had to explain the concept of death to your kids, you know it's not a whole lot of fun.)

Even though it might be frustrating to be put on the spot with questions you can't answer as a parent, Existential intelligence in kids is a good sign. It means they're curious, empathetic, and want to know they 'why' behind what they do and what they're asked to do. They're good at connecting skills they're learning in school to the real world (and they might struggle if they can't figure out why they'll ever need to know the names of all the generals in the Revolutionary War).

These kids may make great leaders, great communicators, and talented artists as they become older.

But in the meantime...

How to handle your kids' big questions about life and the universe

Billions of starsNASA Hubble Space Telescope/Unsplash

I asked Dr. Ryan Sultan, a child board-certified psychiatrist and professor at Columbia University, for some tips on how parents can handle kids with high Existential Intelligence.

What do you do if they get really bummed out about the disappointing realities of life? How do you explain the meaning of existence to them when you haven't figured it out for yourself yet?

"[Existential intelligence] can be a beautiful quality in kids, but it can also bring challenges—especially when they start to feel a sense of futility in everyday routines or even feel disheartened by the seemingly endless cycle of school, homework, and activities," he says.

Step one is to validate their feelings, and avoid dismissing or trying to distract them.

"Many kids, particularly those who think deeply, go through phases where they wonder if life is just a series of monotonous routines. Let them know that adults also grapple with these questions—and that it’s okay to feel uncertain or even bummed out by it."

Next, instead of giving them the answers you don't have, try asking questions.

"Encourage them to explore what these feelings mean to them. Ask questions like, 'What do you think would make life more interesting or meaningful?' or 'What are the things you enjoy that make you feel alive or excited?'"

Help them understand that these are questions they'll be asking themselves their whole lives. It's not so much about having the answer right away, but seeing life as a lifelong journey of learning and curiosity.

Help them find meaning in art, nature, community, or spirituality.

"For some children, creative outlets like art, music, writing, or even spending time in nature can be powerful ways to explore and express these feelings," Dr. Sultan says. "Others might find meaning through spiritual practices, like meditation or mindfulness, which can help them feel more connected to the present and less burdened by the future."

Helping them give back by getting involved in the community or with a charity can make a big difference too. And if you can model the ways in which you find meaning amidst the daily drudgery, that's even better!

It's a good thing when your kids ask these kinds of questions, even though they're hard (or impossible) to answer. It means your children are empathetic, curious, and want to know more about how the world works. The most important thing is not to reframe everything positively and try to "cheer them" out of it if these philosophical quandaries put them in a funk. It's OK to get a little down because you're not sure what the greater purpose is — we've all been there. That just means they're human. Encourage them to get a little more comfortable with the not knowing, and to never lose that sense of curiosity.

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'Just enough': How the Swedish concept of ‘lagom’ can help you find contentment

Lagom is the right amount of everything.

via Unsplash

A woman salutes the sun in Adolfsström, Sweden.

American culture is out of balance. We work too hard, consume too much and live under constant stress. Our culture tells us to get rich or die trying and that resting is laziness. We take very few vacations, spend too much time staring at screens, and our diets are overly reliant on processed foods.

It’s no wonder over 37 million Americans are on antidepressants.

The antidote to this unsustainable lifestyle could come from a Swedish philosophy known as “lagom” (lah-gomm), which translates to “just the right amount.” Living lagom means developing a mindset focused on balance, sustainability and living in the moment. It’s learning to appreciate what we have instead of striving for what we don’t.

Lagom teaches us that we don’t need to live in a penthouse or struggle in a tenement. It’s all about finding a place that is calm and comfortable. It means considering whether to have that second piece of cake for dessert, knowing when to pick your winnings off the table and understanding that it's ok to say “no.”

It’s choosing to be satisfied instead of over-indulging because the secret is that the lightness of satisfaction is more fulfilling than the burden of indulgence.

Are you looking to live lagom? Here are 7 ways to get started.

1. Know when to take a break

According to research, working at a breakneck speed and refusing to take a break will actually hurt your work performance. Get up, take a walk, have a cup of coffee with a friend or coworker and take a moment for yourself regularly.

2. Declutter your home

“The fewer items you have in your home, the more likely that you'll be able to appreciate each and every possession you own,” Niki Brantmark, founder of My Scandinavian Home, tells Livingetc.

sweden, lagom, minimalism

A minimalist living room.

via Pexels

3. Enjoy nature

Lagom is about appreciating nature by respecting it through sustainable living. But it's also about enjoying the natural world. “There is mounting evidence, from dozens and dozens of researchers, that nature has benefits for both physical and psychological human well-being,” Lisa Nisbet, Ph.D., told the American Psychological Association. “You can boost your mood just by walking in nature, even in urban nature. And the sense of connection you have with the natural world seems to contribute to happiness even when you’re not physically immersed in nature.”

4. Have an attitude of gratitude

It's only possible to find contentment and satisfaction in life if you appreciate what you already have. Further, without gratitude, you won't enjoy the things you strive for either. "He who knows he has enough is rich," Taoist philosopher Lao Tzu writes in the “Tao Te Ching.”

5. Be present

Balance is all about living in the now and being present instead of being focused on the past or preoccupied with the future. Happiness only exists in the current moment that you have right now, so embrace it.

6. Live drama-free

There’s no need to put up with unnecessary agitation, whether that comes from the people in our lives or our habits that don’t bring us joy. Simplifying our social media lives, so we experience fewer distractions, aggravations and unnecessary comparisons is a great way to live lagom.

7. Eat well, but enjoy yourself

Eating a balanced diet means a lot of different things to different people. But striving for perfection and depriving yourself or overindulging and being unhealthy aren’t paths to contentment.

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Why it's illegal for some Christian bakers to refuse to bake gay wedding cakes. Explained.

A funny, concise three-minute explainer video about gay wedding cakes and the law.

Say, hypothetically, you go to a bakery to order your wedding cake.

Imagine you are Christian. And the bakery specializes in wedding cakes. Particularly satanic wedding cakes, but they make them for atheist and Buddhist weddings too, on occasion. And you happen to love the way their devil's food cake tastes, and you'd like them to make one for your Christian wedding. And then the satanic baker says, "I'm sorry, but it's against my beliefs to make a wedding cake for Christian weddings. Good day! Hail Satan!"

You'd be upset, right? (Along with being confused with the whole "Hail Satan" thing.)

Now imagine you are gay. And a Christian baker says making you a wedding cake is against their beliefs. Well, you don't have to imagine. Because it really happens. On occasion. And then sometimes the courts have to weigh in and shut that down. But the outcome depends on which state you live in. Each state has its own set of rules.

But what about freedom of speech? Or freedom of religion? Or artistic freedom? What then?

John Corvino's hilarious new video has answers to all your concerns about the rights of wedding cake bakers.

Along with being chair of the philosophy department at Wayne State University, John has a history of hilariously explaining, for example, why you can't marry your kitchen appliances. In the below video, he explains why he can't discriminate against his conservative students, why a Kosher bakery can refuse to make you a bacon cake, and why you can't own a bakery where all the bakers are nude.

(Make sure to watch the whole video, there's comedy after the credits.)

Good luck with all your baking. Please wear clothes when you do it.

John Corvino has written several books, including, most recently, "Debating Religious Liberty and Discrimination." He does not own a nude bakery.

This article was updated 4/29/2017.

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This comic uses stick figures to explain the power of perspective.

​This post was originally published on Wait But Why.

Some people see life like an ocean. They go where the current takes them.

Other people see life like a ball of clay in their hands — something to be held and shaped and molded.

In an ocean, you’re small and helpless, surrounded by something much bigger than yourself. It can make you wonder whose life you’re even living.

But sometimes, the ocean can lead you to mysterious places you never knew you wanted to go.

Holding a ball of clay, you’re all-powerful.

Your life takes the shape that you give it — and it’s surprising how shapeable life can be when you treat it like clay. Sometimes, you shape your life into something that feels just right.

But if you’re not careful, you might make something you didn’t mean to.

The question isn’t whether life is better lived as an ocean or a ball of clay.

It’s about when is the right and the wrong time for each one.

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