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Philosophy expert shares the 'simple but profound rule' to tell if someone is a good or bad person

It comes down to a specific type of kindness.

via Canva/Photos and G.Meiners/Wikimedia Commons

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe and a scene at a restaurant.

Have you ever met somebody new and wondered if they were a good person with a mischievous streak or a bad person who can turn on the charm and behave occasionally? Determining someone’s true moral character is important, especially if you start dating them or have a business relationship. It is crucial to get to the core of who they are and know whether they can be trusted.

Popular TikTok philosopher and Substack writer Juan de Medeiros recently shared a great way to determine whether someone is good or bad. His rubric for judging someone’s moral character comes from a quote commonly attributed to Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, a German poet, playwright, novelist, and intellectual known for works like Faust and The Sorrows of Young Werther.

How can you tell if someone is a good or a bad person?

“Here's a pretty good indicator that somebody is a bad person and vice versa, how you can spot a good one. And this goes back to a simple rule, a moral aphorism by Goethe in which he writes, ‘Never trust someone who is unkind to those who can do nothing for him,’” de Medeiros shared in a TikTok video with over 45,000 views.

“Never trust someone who is unkind to those who can do nothing for him,” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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Good vs. bad #good #bad #wisdom

De Medeiros then provided real-world ways to determine whether the person you have questions about is good or bad. “A bad person is unfriendly to strangers, to the elderly, to children, to service staff, to anybody they're not trying to impress,” he said. At the same time, the good person treats people equally, no matter what they can do for him. They’re good for goodness sake, not to get anything out of it.

“A good person carries grace within them and shares it freely with abundance. A good person treats other people as they would like to be treated as well. And it doesn't matter who you are, it doesn't matter what your status is, they will treat you and see you as their equal,” de Medeiros said.

 


What is 'The Waiter Rule'?

Goethe’s quote echoes the common red/green flag test that many people have on dates. Sure, it's important if your date is courteous and treats you well on the date, but you really want to watch how they interact with the server. The rule is often called “The Waiter Rule,” outlined by William Swanson. Swanson, the former chairman and CEO of Raytheon Company, wrote in his book, 33 Unwritten Rules of Management, "A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter—or to others—is not a nice person." Boxer Muhammad Ali is also known for saying something similar: "I don't trust anyone who's nice to me but rude to the waiter. Because they would treat me the same way if I were in that position."

 


Rudeness toward the waitstaff also indicates that the person isn’t very smart. It’s not wise to be rude to someone who is in charge of your meal for the night.

Conversely, a good person is kind to others without looking for anything in return because they want to spread joy and believe that others deserve respect. You are what you do, not what you think or believe, and when someone treats others with goodness, it's a clear indicator of the type of person they are.

In the end, we are all a mixed bag of behaviors and attitudes, and even the most perfect of us has a devil on their shoulder telling them that it’s okay to occasionally get into a bit of mischief. However, when it comes down to determining someone's core character, how they treat those who can do nothing for them says everything.

This article originally appeared in April.

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‘Small but certain’: How South Korean ‘sohwakhaeng’ can lead you to happiness

A refreshingly simple philosophy.

Photo credit: Canva

When did slowing down become such a crime?

When did slowing down become such a crime? It seems as if at every turn, the world is screaming at us: push harder, demand more, settle for less. After winning the 2025 Australian Open, tennis champion Jannik Sinner was inundated with questions about his future goals and upcoming tournaments by journalists. The not-so-subtle subtext? “Now what’s next?” Mere minutes after Mikey Madison won her Academy Award for Best Actress in Anora, she was immediately hounded by the press about her future plans and next projects. Finally, she replied:

 
"I've been thinking about the future a lot and also the past. I've been really trying to remind myself to stay as present as possible throughout all of this, so I don't know. I really don't know what will happen in the future. I just want to keep making movies and continue to work with people who inspire me and play interesting characters, tell stories that are compelling."
 
 

In a culture obsessed with moving at a lightning speed, young people in South Korea are fed up. In the words of Bartleby, the Scrivener, they'd "rather not." Instead, they're choosing a different path, one that's unhurried and geared towards gratefulness. They call it ‘sohwakhaeng’ (소확행), a philosophy that's deceptively simple yet profound, that challenges our very notion of happiness.


A contraction of the words “small” (소), “certain” (확실한), and “happiness” (행복), ‘sohwakhaeng’ roughly translates to “small but certain happiness.” The concept was lifted from Japanese author Haruki Murakami’s 1986 essay, “Afternoon in the Islets of Langerhans,” in which he describes discovering delight in the tiniest, most unexpected places: a freshly baked loaf of bread, torn into using one's hands; neatly folded underwear; new shirts that smell like clean cotton.

Sohwakhaeng’s message is simple: joy is always around us. We just need to train ourselves to recognize it. How? Start by being intentional. Slow down, notice your surroundings, and savor this one precious moment. Remember that you are alive. Then, contentment will come. Sohwakhaeng guarantees it, no matter how minuscule or trivial the event may seem.

Sohwakhaeng can take many forms. It can look like your favorite tea, warmed and steeped in your favorite mug, enjoyed while staring out the window on a snowy winter’s day. It could be a gratitude journal, written nightly using the smooth, metallic pen you saved up for months to buy. A small prayer that precedes a meal. There aren't many rules when it comes to sohwakhaeng. It can be anything, really. The key is mindfulness, living in the present, and noticing all the small joys of life that all too often pass us by. It’s like Jack’s famous song in the musical Into the Woods, when, after scurrying down the giant beanstalk, he marvels at everything below him, seeing for the very first time everything he once took for granted.

 
“The roof, the house and your Mother at the door The roof, the house and the world you never thought to explore...”


 

Women, eating, restaurant, smiling, enjoying meal Joy's always there, if we just learn how to look for it. Photo credit: Canva

In South Korea’s fast-paced, high-pressure society, sohwakhaeng has become more than just a feel-good philosophy but a life-saving raft, especially among young people. The country has become consumed by "pali pali" (빨리빨리), or "hurry hurry" culture—a turbocharged approach to life that South Koreans simultaneously wear as a badge of honor and deeply resent. “Pali pali” has become the nation’s ethos, where speed, efficiency, and rapid progress must be prioritized at all costs.

It's no surprise that South Korean citizens are turning to sohwakhaeng in droves, seeking an antidote to their country’s distressing emphasis on lightning speed, efficiency, and promptness above all else. This culture of ultra-productivity, although effective in its own way, is taking its toll on South Korea's citizens: Seoul's suicide rates are increasing rapidly among the elderly, young adults, and even teenagers, with many citing depression, substance abuse, chronic illness, economic hardship, emotional distress, and trauma. According to the Korea Herald, experts have been raising the alarm for years about the increasing burdens of the country's unsustainable work conditions, exorbitant housing costs, and overwhelming responsibilities, which have also led to the country’s rapidly declining birth rates.

It's a bit grim, to put it lightly. And, in response, malaise-stricken Millennials and Zoomers have begun calling themselves the “n-Po generation," where “n” represents exponential growth, and “Po” comes from the Korean word for “give up.” They've given up to the nth degree.

Novak Djokovic, tennis, don't give up, inspirationalEven Novak Djokovic agrees: Don't give up. Giphy

There is hope, however. Alongside the n-Po and 4B movements in South Korea, Sohwakhaeng has become a significant theme on social media, with hundreds of thousands of posts bearing the hashtag “#소확행.” Here, you’ll find Korean citizens reveling in the mundanity of life, as is the case with Instagram star @Salguzzam, who posted a wonderfully simple photo of her daily meal, writing, “In the morning, as I eat the abalone porridge that my mother-in-law set out for me, I’m feeling happy. I haven’t even tasted the apricot jam, but I’m finishing the whole pot of porridge by myself.”

Sohwakhaeng has even moved beyond the Internet, with IKEA Korea offering “home party boxes” accompanied by the theme, “Perfection is Unnecessary, Share Delicious Time Together.” Boxes contain various items for cooking, planting, and decorating at home, and are designed specifically to elicit joy without stressing perfection. The Swedish furniture and home goods store partnered with South Korean pop star Henry Lau to create these imperfectly perfect boxes. In a statement, Lau remarked: “I collaborated with IKEA for this event because I often have a home party with my friends and also huge interest in home furnishing including interior design,” adding, “The way to enjoy home parties more easily and pleasantly is to be free from any pressure for perfect preparations.”


Are there ways to incorporate sohwakhaeng into your life today? For Kim Tae-hee, an office worker in Korea, inspiration comes naturally because it’s “simple and ordinary.” If you're having trouble, think small: search for a delicious whiff that reminds you of childhood or the spark of a feeling no words could ever do justice to. Call an old friend, just because you miss their voice; marvel at a well-written sentence in the book you're reading. Perhaps there's a tree that seems to wave to you right outside the bedroom window. Maybe today, you wave back.

Sohwakhaeng asks, "What could be more radical than finding divinity in a cup of coffee?" Today, there are limitless opportunities to find small but certain happiness. You just have to know where to look.

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James Van Der Beek's realization about his identity after cancer has people pondering

"I had to look my own mortality in the eye," said the Dawson's Creek alum. "I had to come nose to nose with death."

Photo credits: SANSIERRASTUDIO (left) Super Festivals from Ft. Lauderdale, USA (right)

James Van Der Beek in 2010 and 2023

There's nothing like a brush with death to make you reflect on your life. It's so easy for all of us to get caught up in the day-to-day details of living and not take the time to ponder the deeper elements of existence, from the nature of the universe to the meaning of life to our own individual role in the big picture.

Existential questions can sometimes feel overwhelming, but actor James Van Der Beek shared a thoughtful 48th birthday message with his own life reflection after facing cancer, and it distills a lot of the angst of those questions into a simple yet profound answer that's hitting home with people.

Van Der Beek, who starred in the millennial favorite Dawson's Creek, announced he'd been diagnosed with stage 3 colorectal cancer in 2024 at age 47. He and his wife, Kimberly, have six children, and in a video shared on social media, Van Der Beek shared the progression from his somewhat unfulfilling identity as an actor to "the ultimate" identity as a husband and father prior to his cancer diagnosis.

"I could define myself as a loving, capable, strong, supportive husband, father, provider, steward of the land that we're so lucky to live on," he said. "And for a long time, that felt like a really good definition of the question, 'Who am I? What am I?'"

"And then this year, I had to look my own mortality in the eye," he continued. "I had to come nose to nose with death. And all of those definitions that I cared so deeply about were stripped from me. I was away for treatment, so I could no longer be a husband who is helpful to my wife. I could no longer be a father who could pick up his kids and put them to bed and be there for them. I could not be a provider because I wasn't working. I couldn't even be a steward of the land because at times I was too weak to prune all the trees during the window that you're supposed to prune them."

He found himself facing the question: "If I am just a too-skinny, weak guy, alone in an apartment, with cancer, what am I?"

So often we define ourselves by our roles in life or by what we do, but what if those things change? Who are we when it's just us, alone, with nothing external to anchor us to a particular identity?

"And I meditated and the answer came through," Van Der Beek shared. "I am worthy of God's love, simply because I exist. And if I'm worthy of God's love, shouldn't I also be worthy of my own? And the same is true for you."

I offer that to you however it sits in your consciousness. However it resonates, run with it," he said. "And if the word God trips you up, I certainly don't know or claim to know what God is or explain God. My efforts to connect to God are an ongoing process that is a constant unfolding mystery to me. But if it's a trigger or if it feels too religious you can take the word 'God' out and your mantra can simply be 'I am worthy of love.' Because you are."


Van Der Beek's sincere, warm delivery and universal message of love and worth hit home for a lot of people. Fellow celebrities and fans alike praised and thanked him for it:

"Happy birthday brother. This was absolutely beautiful 💜🙏🏻💜," wrote singer Chris Daughtry.

"You’re a gift to this earth and I’m grateful to know you even if it’s just through IG. Greatly admire the graceful way you share and happy you made it around the Sun again," wrote New Kids on the Block's Joey McIntyre.

The Sopranos' Jamie-Lynn Sigler wrote, "That is it James. That is it. And you my friend are love. A steward of love. A teacher of love !❤️. We love you !!"

"I watched this with Bodhi with tears in our eyes and Bodhi said 'that was really touching' thanks for being love James and sharing that with everyone, ❤️" added actor Teresa Palmer.

Battlestar Galactica reboot's Katee Sackhoff wrote, "Thank you for your vulnerability and wisdom ❤️ Amen!'

"You are such a special soul. You are pure love my friend," added actor Nikki Reed. "Worthy of it all… hoping to hug all of you soon. Happy birthday❤️❤️❤️"

Some people took issue with Van Der Beek saying people could remove the word "God" from the message if they wanted to, but the reality is that not everyone has positive feelings about God or religion, and some have even been deeply hurt by people weaponizing them. Van Der Beek making a message of love more universal so that everyone can take it in and benefit from it without barriers or hang-ups is part of what makes it so beautiful. He was able to express his own religious/spiritual experience without shying away from the terminology that was true for him, while also making sure that his message was accessible to everyone regardless of faith or belief.

Perhaps we can all take a lesson from Van Der Beek's sincere, open, and balanced approach as well.

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Philosopher shares the subtle giveaway that someone is 'not very smart'

When you see this trait, it's time to rethink your relationship.

via Canva/Photos

A man pointing at someone.

Individuals and groups have used scapegoating to blame their problems on others since the term was first coined in The Old Testament and probably long before. We see it all the time in politics, where leaders blame specific groups or ideologies for their country’s failures. We also see it in personal relationships where families blame one person for everyone’s problems or workplaces make an employee the fall guy for a failed project.

In a viral TikTok video, philosopher Julian de Medeiros explains why scapegoating is a sign that someone is unintelligent. He begins by quoting one of the most powerful British union leaders in the first half of the 20th century, Ernest Bevin, who once said: “An unintelligent person is always looking for a scapegoat.”

What's a sign that someone is unintelligent?

“What he meant is that a sign that somebody is not very intelligent is that they always have to blame their problems on other people. Like, it's never something they've done; it's always somebody else's fault,” de Medeiros says in a video with over 230,000 views. “They can avoid accountability; they can avoid introspection and self-reflection, which means that they can avoid growth because it's always somebody else's fault. A smart person is introspective, self-critical, and wants to grow, but an unintelligent person blames other people.”

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Intelligent vs. unintelligent #quotes #life #intelligent #wisdom


It can be hard to come to grips with our failures in life, whether they are financial problems, relationship issues or fear of losing control. “There are things that we cannot bear to see about ourselves. ‘I really don’t want to be seen as vulnerable or stupid or weak or greedy,’” Deborah Stewart, a Jungian psychoanalyst, told The Washington Post. “I don’t have to deal with myself if I scapegoat if I blame. That’s the part that most people don’t really know — that they are trying to expel some of their very own feelings by putting them on others.”

People and groups that are made into scapegoats can be put into incredible danger or subject to public disgrace, whether it is the Jewish people during the Holocaust or Anne Boleyn during the reign of King Henry VIII, or Yoko Ono for the breakup of The Beatles.

The big problem with scapegoating.

Those who scapegoat others for their failures can be seen as unintelligent because they refuse to take responsibility for their actions or even recognize where they may have been wrong. When people point their fingers at others, they also ensure that they never learn from their problems and are bound to repeat them. Intelligent people have a growth mindset, and scapegoating is the exact opposite.

Further, when societies refuse to look at the real causes of their problems and instead blame them on scapegoats, they will fail to progress. However, it’s very easy for leaders to fall into the scapegoat trap because it prevents them from being responsible and appears to solve problems when they are actually taking the easy way out.

Ultimately, it comes down to a core question: do you want to deflect blame for your problems by scapegoating someone else, or do you want to accept responsibility and grow from your difficulties? Ironically, those who scapegoat may think it makes their lives easier. However, living a life making the same mistakes repeatedly is a lot harder than accepting responsibility.

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