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Joy

Comedian mocks ridiculous cat behaviors in viral 'If Cats Went to School' skit

The what-to-do-if-your-human's-on-a-Zoom-call instruction is spot on.

Cats would much rather play with a box than with the toys that came in it.

Ah, cats. Those of us who've been chosen by the Cat Distribution System know their propensity for quirky behavior, and those who haven't have least heard the rumors. It's all true, of course. Cats are weird little creatures who defy our expectations of them simply because they can. They're undeniably gorgeous and graceful—the perfect predator—yet also loveable, doofy dinguses. They are wicked smart and oh so dumb at the same time. The fact that cats are basically walking contradictions is part of what makes having them so fun.

It's also why British comedian Jake Lambert's video imagining "If Cats Went to School" has cat owners everywhere chuckling. In the viral sketch, Lambert plays the role of a teacher instructing cats on what to do in various situations, with "lessons" that are seemingly universal among our feline friends.

"Now, does anyone know what you should do if your human buys you a toy?" Lambert begins, eliciting an imaginary response from the class. "No, you don't want to play with it. What you want to do is give your full and undivided attention to the box it came in."

"So we're ignoring the toy completely and focusing fully on the box," he clarified.

His delivery as a teacher patiently and clearly explaining the lesson is what really sells it.

"Now, if your human wants you to sit on their lap, what should you do?" he continues. "Yes, sit anywhere else. Correct, Luna. Now, preferably that will be as close to the human as possible, but without actually touching them."

How about when you want a human to stop petting you? Naturally, you turn around and bite their hand with no warning whatsoever, right? And how about Zoom calls? What should you do when your human has one?

"Try to get their attention, yes," he says. "But what you really want to do is make sure that you get your bum in front of the camera. That's very important."

Very important, indeed. We've all been there, either as the cat owner or the Zoom call participant. How do all cats know exactly what to do in those situations? It really does seem like they're all taking the same lessons somewhere.

Finally, the homework: "Go home and completely ignore your scratch posts and just use the sofa instead. Okay?"

cat scratching a sofaJust a cat doing their homework like a responsible student.Photo credit: Canva

People saw their own cats in the sketch and appreciated the explanation for why they are the way they are.

"Owh…so my cat was just doing her homework."

"My cat Theo went to that school. He received straight A’s."

"My cat is a full star pupil."

"You’re clearly my cat’s teacher… and you’re fired."

Some also pointed out other lessons that Cat School surely teaches:

"You forgot to mention the correct time to barf : just after your human fell asleep."

""And if you need to barf, make sure to do it on your human's favourite and most expensive rug. Even if there is much more space that is easily cleanable tile."

"And don't forget to walk on the keyboard in order to create very interesting sentences for your human."

"When a human is working, paper in front, don’t forget to sit on the paper and completely cover everything :)"

"Also absolutely refuse to use the fresh water fountain your human has bought you!"

"My cat is working on his master’s thesis, 'Prescription Cat Food: The Most Efficient Way To Bankrupt A Human While Destroying The Same Spot On a Carpet.'"

All relatable. Here's to our hilariously predictable yet somehow totally unpredictable feline friends and their classmates.

You can find more of Jake Lambert's comedy on his Instagram channel.


Joy

When a newborn lamb was rejected by her mother, the family dog stepped in to nurture her

A mother's urge to care for a baby is one of the strongest instincts in the animal kingdom

@oliviajaneakers/TikTok (used with permission)

Max took over when Beau's mom refused to care for her.

A mother's urge to care for a baby is one of the strongest instincts in the animal kingdom, but sometimes something somewhere along the line goes haywire. Occasionally, a mom will reject its offspring, refusing to nurture or feed or care for it in any way.

That's what happened to baby Beau, a lamb born to a sheep on Olivia Akers' farm.

"Beau’s mom didn’t want to be a mom. I don’t have an exact answer as to why," Akers shared on Instagram. "I tried EVERYTHING under the sun to get her to accept Beau. Rubbing the placenta for scent, also tried with her milk, giving them time in close quarters. She got progressively more violent, telling me she didn’t want to do this. So I listened."

While Beau had to be bottle-fed by humans, she wasn't left completely unnurtured by her four-legged counterparts. The family dog, Max, took an immediate liking to her, and according to Akers, it was like "love at first sight."

"The second Max laid eyes on Beau, it was HER baby," Akers wrote. "She protected her, cleaned her, played with her...and most importantly, Max loved her."

The two became inseparable, romping around in the pasture together, grooming and snuggling with one another. Beau spent so much time with Max that she started developing dog-like traits. (Max is a "super mutt," according to Akers—a mix of Blue Heeler, Pitbull Terrier, German Shepherd, and Husky—so no particular breed's traits.)

Finally, Beau grew up enough to go live with the other sheep, but she and Max have remained close pals.

Watch:

@oliviajaneakers

Reply to @2crazymuppets Max and Beau forever 🥰......#maxandbeau #oddcouples #bestfriends#sheep #lamb #ram #ewe #babysheep #babydollsheep #oldeenglishbabydoll #thedodo #dodo #baby #babyanimals #animals #cute #cuteanimals #picoftheday #animalsofig #minisheep #miniaturesheep #farm #farmlife #farmanimals #farmher #homestead #minifarm #farmstead

People love Max and Beau's story.

"Beau is no longer sheep, Beau is now a good dog," wrote one commenter.

"I had a dog when I was really little that was taken from his mom too early and our rabbit adopted him and they always snuggled at night," shared another.

"This is so cool! I have a week old black sheep and my black dog Maxine aka max does this same thing!!! Her mother died in child birth," shared another.

"Yay Max!!!!!! Beau is so lucky to have you!" wrote another.

Sometimes mothers in nature will reject babies when there's something wrong with them, but sometimes there's not a clear reason. No one knows why Beau's mom refused to care for her, but everyone is so happy that Max stepped in and took over.

Max and Beau still play together, and it's pure joy to see them frolicking around on the farm. Max & Beau Part 2 has more footage of Beau all grown up and still pouncing around with her high energy friend, Max.

@oliviajaneakers

Pt.2 of the most beautiful friendship I’ve ever witnessed. Per request, more adorable videos of these two 🥰......#maxandbeau #maxandbeauforever #fyp #unlikelyfriends #adopt #sheep #lamb #ram #ewe #babysheep #babydollsheep #oldeenglishbabydoll #thedodo #dodo #baby #babyanimals #animals #cute #cuteanimals #picoftheday #animalsofig #miniaturesheep #farm #farmlife #farmanimals #farmher #homestead #minifarm #farmstead

Those little hops at the end, though. Too, too sweet.

You can follow Max and Beau and the other animals on Akers' farm on TikTok and Instagram.


This article originally appeared in March.

Photo by Anthony Duran on Unsplash

Belgian Malinois, the smartest dog breed.

If you Google "smartest dog breeds," most lists you'll find put border collies in the No. 1 spot, followed in some order by poodles, German shepherds and golden retrievers. But a 2023 study of canine cognition from the University of Helsinki puts a whole different breed at the top of the ladder—one that most of us have probably seen before but haven't heard the name of—the Belgian Malinois.

Best known as a police or security dog, the Belgian Malinois is a shepherd breed that looks very similar to a German shepherd. Both breeds are of similar height and coloring, but the Malinois is lighter weight and its ears are more triangular-shaped, according to the American Kennel Club.

So what is it that makes the Belgian Malinois more intelligent than other dog breeds?

File:Belgian Malinois Male Puppy.jpg - Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.org

The study published in Scientific Reports analyzed 1,002 dogs from 13 different breeds using a battery of smartDOG cognition tests. These tests involve food reward tasks that determine a dog's capacity for memory, problem-solving, impulse control, reading human gestures, copying human behavior and logical reasoning. Despite a wide field of research on dogs, according to the study, only a handful of studies have examined cognition of specific breeds instead of breed groups. Additionally, not much empirical research has been done on nonsocial cognitive traits such as memory, inhibitory control, spatial problem-solving and logical reasoning—all of which were covered in this study.

The researchers identified a few different tests as signifying high intelligence. For the most significant measure of intelligence, logical reasoning, the study revealed no significant difference between the dog breeds. So the three tests the authors singled out instead for measuring and comparing intelligence, according to The Telegraph, were:

- A V-detour test, in which a dog had to detour around a transparent V-shaped fence to get to a food reward, showing some problem-solving ability.

- A human gesture reading test, in which a dog's response to five gestures—constant pointing, brief pointing, pointing with the foot, pointing at something while facing another direction and following a human's gaze—was measured.

- An unsolvable task test, in which a dog tries to access food in an unopenable box, measuring independence and how quickly a dog asked a human for help.

The Belgian Malinois scored 35 out of a possible 39 points on these three tasks, making it the top scorer for high intelligence overall. Border collies came in second with 26 points and hovawarts came in third at 25 points.

brown and black german shepherd lying on white and gray area rugPhoto by Gerrie van der Walt on Unsplash

The study authors point out that there are strengths and weaknesses in most breeds. Some score very high on some tests and very low on others. Some breeds saw middle-of-the-road scores across most tests.

According to IFLScience, one weakness the Malinois showed was in the cylinder test, in which a dog is taught to retrieve a piece of food from inside an opaque cylinder. The opaque cylinder then gets replaced with a transparent one to see if the dog will go around to the end of the cylinder to retrieve the treat, as it did with the opaque one, or try to go directly through the side of the cylinder to get to it. This test measures inhibition, and the Malinois scored among the lowest of all breeds on it.

Every dog has its bright and dim spots, but it's clear why the Malinois is a dog of choice for security work. High intelligence, of course, but even being low on inhibition can be seen as a plus for a working dog that needs to be highly responsive and act quickly when needed.

“The Belgian Shepherd Malinois stood out in many of the cognitive tasks, having very good results in a majority of the tests,” study author and owner and CEO of smartDOG Dr. Katriina Tiira told The Telegraph.

“Border Collies also performed well in many of the tests," she added.

This article originally appeared last year.

Reporter Juliana Mazza catches dog thief.

There’s an old trope in movies and TV where a criminal will return to the scene of a crime shortly after it was committed. It’s a great way to create a sense of drama and to give an easy way for the heroes to catch the perpetrator, but does it happen in real life?

It doesn’t make much sense for a criminal to put themselves in a position to get caught, but neither does committing a crime in the first place.

If a criminal does return to the scene, it’s often so they can relive some of the sensations they felt while committing the crime.

Such was the case with alleged dog-napper Kyle Gariepy.

On Friday, May 7, 2021, the Cambridge Police Department in Massachusetts reported that a 13-month-old German shorthaired pointer named “Titus” was stolen out of a parked vehicle.

The department released footage of the alleged dog-napper walking the dog over the Boston University bridge.


The next day, members of the local 7NEWS crew, including Juliana Mazza and photojournalist John Guice, posted up in the parking lot where the dog was stolen to report on the theft.

While the news crew was setting up, they noticed a man who looked like the person in the surveillance cam footage walking a dog that looked like Titus.

Guice walked over to the man, whose name is Kyle Gariepy, and struck up a conversation with him while the news team rolled the camera. Mazza then walked over and asked if she could pet the dog so she could surreptitiously see if he had a name tag.

When she found out the dog was Titus, she asked the man why he didn’t call the number on the tag and he said his phone was “broken.” This begged a follow-up question. It’s been a day, why haven’t you contacted the owner or the authorities?

Gariepy gave a very strange excuse for why he had the dog.

"He was just barking in the car, and I walked past the car, and I thought it was supposed to be a dog I was dog walking," Gariepy told the crew. "It wasn't a kidnapping. It was just a simple mistake."

Why in the world would someone ask him to walk a dog that was in a parked car?

Gariepy’s story didn’t add up, so the news crew called the police and Gariepy stood there and waited until they arrived. Gariepy was arrested and charged with larceny of more than $1,200, and breaking and entering into a vehicle to commit a felony.

Later, the police called Titus’ owner Greg Siesczkiewicz and asked him to come and pick up his dog.

"I'm thrilled to have Titus back. I think, he is thrilled to have me back," he told Inside Edition.

"I'm just glad that the person came back and I'm just glad that you guys were there," Siesczkiewicz told 7NEWS. "If anyone ever sees this who questions the value of media, social media, broadcast media, this proves it."


This article originally appeared two years ago.