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Democracy

6 things we can all learn about communication from Pete Buttigieg, regardless of politics

"What's the point of having a conversation if you're not speaking to people who don't already agree with you?"

Photo credit: Gage Skidmore from Surprise, AZ, United States of America

Mayor Pete has made a name for himself as a master communicator.

Watching someone who excels at what they do, especially when they’re at the top of their game, is awe-inspiring. You don’t have to be a basketball fan to be wowed by Steph Curry’s 3-pointers. You don’t have to love gymnastics to be blown away by Simone Biles’ feats.You don’t have to like her music to see that Pink can sing her face off.

And you don’t have to be a Democrat or even into politics at all to appreciate the communication skills of Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg.

The former mayor of South Bend, Indiana, has made a name for himself for his ability to knock interviews out of the park, no matter who they’re with or where they take place. And it's more than just him being a good orator. Public speaking is a different skill set than doing interviews, and extemporaneous interactions—arguably a more difficult arena to master—are where he really shines.

What can we learn from Mayor Pete’s impressive and seemingly rare ability? Let’s break down what makes him such an effective communicator and the lessons we can take from him:

1. Do your research

Buttigieg comes across as knowledgeable because he is. He takes the time to gather relevant facts and statistics about whatever he’s talking about. He doesn’t just offer empty talking points; he backs up his points with facts and figures and examples, which gives him credibility. If he doesn’t know enough about a subject to speak intelligently on it, he doesn’t pretend to. He deftly shifts the conversation to what he does know.

2. Keep your cool

It’s easy to get rattled when you’re live and on the spot, but Buttigieg exemplifies “cool, calm and collected” every single time. Perhaps some of this is just his personality, but it’s also a skill that anyone can practice. It really comes down to emotional regulation—learning to manage nerves, fear, insecurity, anger and frustration. No matter what an interviewer throws at Buttigieg, his ability to regulate his emotional responses enables him to respond with clear, logical confidence.

3. Stay on topic until it's time to move on

What frequently happens in political discourse is that someone will ask a question, the responder will start to answer, and then the interviewer will cut them short to deflect to another point or question or topic. One thing Buttigieg is really good at is resisting the urge to bite when that happens. He is incredibly disciplined at staying on topic and driving home the points he wants to communicate before moving on.

One way he does this is by not leaving any long pauses that allow someone to interrupt. Another way is that he always ready to dip into his well of knowledge to bring up relevant information.

4. Understand the 'other side'

So often, people are so focused on their own perspective that they don’t take the time to learn and understand differing perspectives. Buttigieg not only knows the other person’s opposing arguments, but he also understands the language the opposing side uses to make those arguments. As psychology professor Daniel Meegan points out, Buttigieg presents progressive ideas using conservative framing and language, so people on the "other side" can more easily understand and see themselves in his perspective.

Presenting your ideas in your opponent’s framework is a subtle but brilliant tactic that’s incredibly effective. Instead of triggering instant resistance, you give them an opportunity to hear you out—and maybe even agree with you—without compromising their own values and beliefs.

5. Be willing to converse on unfriendly turf

When asked why he goes on Fox News for interviews so often, Buttigieg responded, "What's the point of having a conversation if you're not speaking to people who don't already agree with you?" He is not only willing to engage with people who disagree, but he's willing to go to them and talk to them on their "turf." He calls it “meeting people where they are” and points out that If no one is willing to present different ideas on a one-sided network, that network’s viewers simply never get to hear them.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

This may actually be Buttigieg's greatest strength, which at its heart is more about a genuine desire to make a difference and to make sure people have a chance to hear different viewpoints than it is about rhetorical skill.

6. Be kind, courteous and fair

No matter where Buttigieg is interviewed or who is interviewing him, he always shows up in a spirit of good faith and expresses gratitude for the opportunity to converse. He doesn't come in with guns a-blazin’ and there’s no air of antagonism on his part. He listens to different perspectives and offers his own, genuinely creating a conversation in which differing viewpoints are heard. He may have to utilize the other skills in this list to prevent those conversations from going off the rails, but he does so without ever appearing rude or argumentative. Few people are able to walk that line, but he does and does it well.

Even if you don't agree with Buttigieg on anything, there's no question that the guy is a master communicator. That's likely a combination of innate ability, an excellent education and practiced skill, but there are things we can all take from observing him, regardless of what we believe or where we fall on the political spectrum.

Democracy

Pete Buttigieg told Marco Rubio why the Respect for Marriage Act isn't a 'stupid waste of time'

“If Rubio’s got time to fight against Disney, I don’t know why he wouldn’t have time to help safeguard marriages like mine."

Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg.

In the aftermath of the Supreme Court overturning Roe v. Wade, eliminating federal abortion protections, Democrats are scrambling to protect same-sex marriage from being reversed as well.

Supporters of same-sex marriage are concerned after Justice Clarence Thomas called for other rulings to be revisited in the wake of the Roe decision. "In future cases, we should reconsider all of this Court's substantive due process precedents, including Griswold, Lawrence, and Obergefell," Thomas wrote, referring to decisions on contraception, sodomy and same-sex marriage.

To ensure that same-sex marriage won’t be overturned by the aggressive court, the House of Representatives passed the Respect for Marriage Act (RMA) bill last week. It won by a 267-157 vote, with 47 Republicans joining a unanimous Democratic caucus in supporting the legislation.


Now, the bill has to be approved by the Senate where Majority Leader Chuck Schumer hopes to get 10 Republicans to support the bill to overcome the Senate's 60-vote filibuster hurdle.

Florida Republican Sen. Marco Rubio called the bill a “stupid waste of time” after being approached by a reporter at the Capitol building on Wednesday, July 20. Rubio says he wouldn’t participate in a vote when it comes to the Senate, saying that it’s a “fake problem.”

Rubio clearly hasn’t considered the fact that the United States has 980,000 same-sex households, of which 58% are married. Repealing same-sex marriage would severely impact the rights of hundreds of thousands of American families.

Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg pushed back against Rubio’s suggestion that it was a waste of time by explaining how important the issue is to his family. He also made note of the fact that Rubio was part of Florida’s Republican Party’s petty culture-war-driven fight against Disney.

If the thought of someone mentioning the word gay in a public school setting is a threat to Rubio then surely considering the legality of same-sex marriage is far from a waste of his time.

“If [Rubio’s] got time to fight against Disney, I don’t know why he wouldn’t have time to help safeguard marriages like mine. Look, this is really, really important to a lot of people. It’s certainly important to me,” Buttigieg said on CNN’s State of the Union this weekend.

Rubio has also recently got really worked up about UFOs.

As the first openly gay person confirmed to a U.S. cabinet position who is married and has two children, Buttigieg is in a unique position to point out how out of step Rubio is with reality. Buttigieg went on to explain why the legislation was on his mind as he fed his twin babies breakfast over the weekend.

“That half-hour of my morning had me thinking about how much I depend on and count on my spouse every day, and our marriage deserves to be treated equally,” he said. “I don't know why this would be hard,” he added.

“I just don’t understand how such a majority of House Republicans voted ‘no’ on our marriage as recently as Tuesday,” he continued.

Rubio responded to Buttigieg on Twitter.

“I’m gonna focus on the real problems,” Rubio said. “I’m not gonna focus on the agenda dictated by a bunch of affluent elite liberals and a bunch of Marxist misfits who sadly today control the agenda of the modern Democratic Party.”

Rubio is wildly out of touch with that statement as well. Buttigieg isn’t parroting the agenda of some elitist class, but the average, everyday American. Polls show that 71% of Americans support same-sex marriage, so it’s Congress’s job to step up and protect a cornerstone of the American family from being overturned by an activist court.

Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg.

Republican lawmakers in Florida are pushing a bill that would restrict how teachers are allowed to discuss gender and sexuality in kindergarten through fifth grades. Officially known as the Parental Rights in Education bill, it has been dubbed the “Don't Say Gay” bill by its opponents.

The bill recently passed a Florida House committee vote and cleared the state's Senate Education Committee this week.

Under the House bill, Florida school districts "may not encourage classroom discussion about sexual orientation or gender identity in primary grade levels or in a manner that is not age-appropriate or developmentally appropriate for students."

It could also encourage parents to sue schools if they feel that gender or sexuality has been discussed inappropriately.

The bill’s vague warning doesn’t define what "age-appropriate" and "developmentally appropriate” mean, leading some to believe it would shut down discussion of those matters altogether. If passed, teachers would be rightfully scared to broach the topics for fear of bringing a lawsuit upon their district.


Florida’s Republican governor Ron DeSantis hasn’t specifically said if he’d sign the bill but has signaled his support. "We've seen instances of students being told by different folks in school, 'Oh, don't worry, don't pick your gender yet, do all this other stuff.' They won't tell the parents about these discussions that are happening. That is entirely inappropriate," DeSantis said.

"The larger issue with all of this is parents must have a seat at the table when it comes to what's going on in their schools," he added.

Obviously, children should be taught about gender sexuality in ways that are age-appropriate, but that should be across the board, regardless of whether someone is gay, straight, nonbinary or transgender.

U.S. Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg, the first openly gay official to lead a department within the federal government, gave a clear and level-headed explanation on CNN on why the bill is so dangerous to the LGBTQ community.

Buttigieg said the bill was “absolutely” dangerous. “And the reason is that it tells youth who are different or whose families are different that there's something wrong with them out of the gate,” Buttigieg told CNN. “And I do think that contributes to the shocking levels of suicidal thoughts and suicide attempts among LGBTQ youth.”

In a tweet, Buttigieg's husband, Chasten, referenced a Trevor Project survey that found alarming rates of suicidal thoughts among LGBTQ youth.

In the CNN interview, Buttigieg used an example from his own life to show how the bill would hurt LGBT families. He and his husband recently adopted twins.

“Chasten, my husband, pointed out that, you know, if our kids someday, some Monday morning come into class and you know, kids are sitting around, the teacher's got the morning circle talking about how everybody's weekends went, and one of them says, ‘I had the best weekend with my dads’,” Buttigieg explained.

“Is a teacher supposed to say, ‘No, we don't talk about that here’? You know, if it's at any age where it's appropriate to talk about, you know, a kid's mom and dad, then it should be appropriate to talk about a kid's mom and mom, or dad and dad—or whatever family structures we live with," he added. “That's part of what it means to be pro-family, is to be pro-every family.”

The Buttigiegs are right. You can’t just make laws that ban people from talking about their everyday lives. LGBTQ people are everywhere and are important parts of the lives of the children in our schools, whether they are teachers, parents or family members. It’s not only bigoted but just plain ridiculous to try to erase them from our communities.

via Pete for America / Flickr

Conservative radio provocateur Rush Limbaugh, 70, died yesterday after complications from lung cancer. The popular radio show host helped define the Republican Party in the '80s and '90s while leaving a legacy blemished by extreme intolerance.

One group that was often pilloried by Limbaugh was the LGBT community. In the 1980s, he had a segment on his show called "AIDS Update" where he mocked gay and bisexual men who died of AIDS. During the height of the AIDS epidemic, he claimed that "Gays deserved their fate."

As America became more accepting of the LGBT community, Limbaugh did not. In 2020, he lambasted former Democratic presidential candidate and current Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg for kissing his husband, Chasten, from a debate stage.



"Okay, how's this going to look, 37-year-old gay guy kissing his husband onstage next to Mr. Man Donald Trump? What's going to happen there?'" Limbaugh asked. "They've got to be saying that despite all the great progress and despite all the great wokeness, and despite all the great ground that's been covered, America's still not ready to elect a gay guy kissing his husband on the debate stage president."

"There may be some Democrats who think that's exactly what we need to do, Rush," he said. "Get a gay guy kissing his husband on stage, ram it down Trump's throat, and beat him in the general election. Really. Having fun envisioning that."

Limbaugh went on to say that Donald Trump would "have fun" facing off against a candidate who "kissed his husband on the debate stage."

Pete Buttigieg adeptly responded to Limbaugh's comments by pointing out his relationship history.

"Well, I love my husband. I'm faithful to my husband. Onstage, we usually just go for a hug, but I love him very much," Pete Buttigieg said. "And I'm not going to take lectures on family values from the likes of Rush Limbaugh."

Limbaugh was married four times, three of them ending in divorce.

Donald Trump wouldn't even entertain Limbaugh's comments. When asked if the country was ready for a gay couple in the White House he said, "I think so. I think there would be some that wouldn't. I wouldn't be among that group, to be honest with you."

Then-presidential-candidate Joe Biden supported the Buttigiegs in the controversy. "I mean, my God," Biden said, calling it "part of the depravity of this administration."

After the news of Limbaugh's passing was made public, Chasten Buttigieg threw some polite, but pointed, shade at the radio host who mocked his marriage. He posted a picture of himself and Pete kissing, without a comment.

It's tasteless to dunk on someone in the wake of their passing, but Chasten's tasteful post was a way of showing that no matter how hard Limbaugh tried to disenfranchise and mock the LGBT community, their love still stands.

Chasten's post was a demonstration of the power of love in the face of hate.

via Pete for America / Flickr