Cats would much rather play with a box than with the toys that came in it.
Ah, cats. Those of us who've been chosen by the Cat Distribution System know their propensity for quirky behavior, and those who haven't have least heard the rumors. It's all true, of course. Cats are weird little creatures who defy our expectations of them simply because they can. They're undeniably gorgeous and graceful—the perfect predator—yet also loveable, doofy dinguses. They are wicked smart and oh so dumb at the same time. The fact that cats are basically walking contradictions is part of what makes having them so fun.
It's also why British comedian Jake Lambert's video imagining "If Cats Went to School" has cat owners everywhere chuckling. In the viral sketch, Lambert plays the role of a teacher instructing cats on what to do in various situations, with "lessons" that are seemingly universal among our feline friends.
"Now, does anyone know what you should do if your human buys you a toy?" Lambert begins, eliciting an imaginary response from the class. "No, you don't want to play with it. What you want to do is give your full and undivided attention to the box it came in."
"So we're ignoring the toy completely and focusing fully on the box," he clarified.
His delivery as a teacher patiently and clearly explaining the lesson is what really sells it.
"Now, if your human wants you to sit on their lap, what should you do?" he continues. "Yes, sit anywhere else. Correct, Luna. Now, preferably that will be as close to the human as possible, but without actually touching them."
How about when you want a human to stop petting you? Naturally, you turn around and bite their hand with no warning whatsoever, right? And how about Zoom calls? What should you do when your human has one?
"Try to get their attention, yes," he says. "But what you really want to do is make sure that you get your bum in front of the camera. That's very important."
Very important, indeed. We've all been there, either as the cat owner or the Zoom call participant. How do all cats know exactly what to do in those situations? It really does seem like they're all taking the same lessons somewhere.
Finally, the homework: "Go home and completely ignore your scratch posts and just use the sofa instead. Okay?"
Just a cat doing their homework like a responsible student.Photo credit: Canva
People saw their own cats in the sketch and appreciated the explanation for why they are the way they are.
"Owh…so my cat was just doing her homework."
"My cat Theo went to that school. He received straight A’s."
"My cat is a full star pupil."
"You’re clearly my cat’s teacher… and you’re fired."
Some also pointed out other lessons that Cat School surely teaches:
"You forgot to mention the correct time to barf : just after your human fell asleep."
""And if you need to barf, make sure to do it on your human's favourite and most expensive rug. Even if there is much more space that is easily cleanable tile."
"And don't forget to walk on the keyboard in order to create very interesting sentences for your human."
"When a human is working, paper in front, don’t forget to sit on the paper and completely cover everything :)"
"Also absolutely refuse to use the fresh water fountain your human has bought you!"
"My cat is working on his master’s thesis, 'Prescription Cat Food: The Most Efficient Way To Bankrupt A Human While Destroying The Same Spot On a Carpet.'"
All relatable. Here's to our hilariously predictable yet somehow totally unpredictable feline friends and their classmates.
You can find more of Jake Lambert's comedy on his Instagram channel.