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We asked people what they really enjoy that others can't understand. One answer dominated.

Interestingly, research shows that these people are particularly unlikely to be neurotic.

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Some people really enjoy being alone.

We recently asked our Upworthy audience on Facebook, "What's something that you really enjoy that other people can't seem to understand?" and over 1,700 people weighed in. Some people shared things like housework, cleaning and laundry, which a lot of people see as chores. Others shared different puzzles or forms of art they like doing, and still others shared things like long car rides or grocery shopping.

But one answer dominated the list of responses. It came in various wordings, but by far the most common answer to the question was "silent solitude." Here are a few examples:

"Feeling perfectly content, when I’m all alone."

"Being home. Alone. In silence."

"That I enjoy being alone and my soul is at peace in the silence. I don't need to be around others to feel content, and it takes me days to recharge from being overstimulated after having an eventful day surrounded by others."

"Enjoying your own company. Being alone isn’t isolating oneself. It’s intentional peace and healthy… especially for deep feelers/thinkers."

Spending time by ourselves is something some of us relish, while some of us hate being alone. Naturally, this points to the common theory of introversion vs. extraversion, but in some ways, that's overly simplistic. Even the most peopley people among us can enjoy some quality alone time, and not all introverts see time alone as truly enjoyable. (It might be necessary for an introvert's well-being, but not necessarily something they truly revel in.)

Interesting, studies have found that people who enjoy being alone are not any more or less extraverted than those who don't, though they do tend to be less "sociable." They are also less likely to be neurotic (tense, moody, worrying types) than the generally population and more likely to be open-minded. Those characteristics are the opposite of what social norms often tell us about people who want to be alone.

"If our stereotypes about people who like being alone were true, then we should find that they are neurotic and closed-minded. In fact, just the opposite is true," writes Bella DePaulo, PhD.

There may be lots of reasons some people like to spend time by themselves while others don't. We are naturally social creatures and need social interaction, but some of us find ourselves overstimulated by being around other people all the time. On the flip side, some people find being alone not just unenjoyable, but extremely uncomfortable, which can be a problem.

"Ideally, we should be comfortable with ourselves, alone or with others," writes psychologist Tara Well Ph.D.. "If you are uncomfortable being alone, it means you are uncomfortable being with yourself without distraction, engagement, or affirmation from others. This can be a liability in life. If you cannot be alone, you may stay in situations or make life choices that aren’t good for you in the long run, like staying in a job or a relationship, mainly because you can’t tolerate being alone while transitioning to a better situation."

Dr. Well also points out that people can make the most of their alone time, even if it's not something they naturally enjoy. One way is to make it purposeful, setting aside a little time daily to write in a journal, meditate, go for a walk or otherwise engage your mind and body in some form of reflection. Another is to pay attention to self-judgments that might make alone time uncomfortable and challenge them with some compassionate confrontation and counteraction with positive thoughts about yourself.

Alone time can be refreshing and rewarding, especially if it's something you naturally crave. Some people even like to take themselves out on dates or enjoy traveling by themselves. That kind of self-care can be just as important as connecting with others for our overall health and well-being. Being alone doesn't mean being a loner and it doesn't mean being lonely. Some of us genuinely like having quality time with ourselves, whether it makes sense to other people or not.

This article originally appeared on 1.1.24

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personality

Education

Pillow hugger or stool rester? What your couch sitting style uncovers about your personality

How we sit says a lot.

Photo credit: Canva

A psychologist breaks down what 5 comon couch sitting styles reveal about our personality.

Many of the most seemingly mundane of activities can reflect deeper aspects of our psyche—be it how we use our body language, or even what side of the bed we sleep on.

Even the way we sit on the couch can uncover clues to our personality, according to psychologist Dr Rebekah Wanic.

As reported by The Mirror, Dr. Wanic partnered with Sofa Club to analyze five common couch sitting positions and determine likely character traits associated with each one—from a need for control to complete laissez faire-ness, and everywhere in between.

Curious as to what your go-to move says about you? Read on.

Sitting criss-cross

Photo credit: Canva

Those who like to sit criss-cross-applesauce, aka Criss-Crossers, often have a “desire to project an image of sophistication and composure,” says Wanic.

Ultimately, Criss-Crossers want to appear “polished and controlled.” Or maybe they do a lot of yoga, who knows.

Lounging back

Photo credit: Canva

If you’re a “Lay Back Lounger,” Wanic surmises that you’re all about “relaxation and comfort” and are perfectly confident taking up the space to do so.

Sitting with knees curled up

Photo credit: Canva

Those who sit with their knees curled up, nicknamed “Snug Sitters,” also value comfort, along with peace. That “may also be less interested in gaining attention but more focused on enjoying their experience,” says Wanic.

Propping feet on a stool

Photo credit: Canva

“Footstool Fans,” as Wanic calls them, are likely to be very practical, yet adaptable…which is something my recliner-loving husband will surely rub in my face from now on.

Hugging a pillow while sitting

Photo credit: Canva

Lastly, Wanic said that “Cushion Cuddlers” are most likely to be more on the shy, introverted side who prefer “blending in” to standing out.

Of course, these labels aren’t necessarily gospel. An extrovert can certainly enjoy hugging a pillow from time to time. Maybe you just want to prop your feet up to take some pressure off your back. Or maybe you’re like me and go through all six of these positions in a single hour.

While non verbal communication has relevance, many people erroneously believe in body language myths that have little evidence to back them—thanks in no small part to TikTok. Many still believe, for example, that speaking while looking in different directions indicates deceit, though that has long been debunked. Or that crossing your arms signals discomfort (spoiler: not necessarily).

Humans are complex creatures, even when they’re sitting on the couch. We can’t determine the full scope of all their inner workings from just one thing. But, certain patterns of behavior can tell a story. As the saying goes, “"We are what we repeatedly do.” Plus, just like with taking an online quiz or reading your horoscope, it’s nice to quell our curiosity, gain a better sense of ourselves and others, maybe even feel some validation. Not to mention, it’s just fun!

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psychology

One mom's story of how she learned to appreciate her extroverted son's constant stream of chatter.

One of my kids is an extrovert. Rather, he’s an extrovert’s extrovert.

He chats with the mailman, the neighbors over the fence, and his classmates at school.

Image via iStock.

From the moment he wakes up to the moment he goes to sleep, he’s got something to say, usually loudly. He’s also been known to talk in his sleep and while he should he asleep.

One morning, I got called into his room at 3 a.m. Naturally, I assumed that this summons meant that someone was either bleeding or throwing up. Instead he told me he could spell the word "idea" and wanted to know if I would like to hear him do so. (I did not.)

I, on the other hand, am an introvert.

I like books. I like my close friends. Loud, crowded places make me cranky. Running too many errands has a similar effect on me.

I’ve known that both Mr. Outgoing and I are temperamentally opposite since almost the moment we met. But I hadn’t realized that I needed to take that into account when I interacted with him until recently. Then I re-read "Raising Your Spirited Child," and I remembered that extroverts talk by talking. It’s how they sort through their thoughts and emotions.

Extroverts may ask questions with obvious answers.

It’s not because they want an answer but because they’re processing their thoughts aloud. The example the author gave was a classic "me and him" moment. She talked about how an extroverted child might ask things like: "Where’s my pen?" or "Where are the scissors?"

Image via iStock

Reading this was a lightbulb moment for me. Every day when it’s homework time, I’m asked, "Where are the pencils?" or "I can’t find the erasers." These things make me want to bang my head on the wall because the pencils are in the same place today that they were yesterday (and the day before that too!!!).

But now I realize that he’s not asking me to ask me. He’s just talking out loud.

The favor of my reply is neither expected nor wanted. Instead of responding in frustration, I can just zip it. By talking, he’s already figuring it out.

The difference between being an extrovert and an introvert is often described like a bag of marbles. An introvert starts the day with a bag full of marbles. As she goes about her day interacting with other people and situations, those marbles are taken out of the bag.

An extrovert starts the day with an empty bag. As he goes about his day, each time he interacts with someone or does some new activity, it adds a marble to his bag. Even though introverts and extroverts fill and deplete their bags differently, the goal is the same: a full bag of marbles at the end of the day.

Parenthood is all about discovery. Our children gives us a new lens through which to view the world and ourselves.

Image via iStock

Having a child who processes his thoughts out loud can be downright exhausting for this reflective thinker. But it also lets me experience life in an unexpected way. While I sometimes long for a little less chatter, I’m also grateful for a son who colors my world with his words.

Family

11 people share how acceptance led them to a happier life.

What have you learned to accept that has made you more content?

I have a habit.

It's a quirk, if you will, that likes to creep up once in a while: I have the involuntary urge to type the dialogue I'm watching on TV (like, on an imaginary typewriter).

This sounds odd, I know. I don't like it. It distracts me. But I've learned to not let it bug me when it happens. I've realized that the habit exists, so I recognize my feelings of resistance to it, and I ultimately accept it as my reality. Over time, it passes, and I've noticed that when I'm not thinking about how annoying it is, it doesn't bother me as much.

Acceptance is one of the most difficult steps when dealing with any unpleasant situation that's affecting our lives.

All of us handle it differently. We have ways that work for us when we're trying to come to terms with an issues that causes us harm — emotionally, physically, or psychologically.

And on Sept. 6, 2016, the thought-provoking hashtag #IveLearnedToAccept started trending on Twitter, inspiring an interesting conversation about this very thing.

These 11 tweets perfectly capture the powerful range of responses:

1. Like coming to difficult realizations.

#IveLearnedToAccept that it's okay to let go of family and friends when they become toxic.
— Corona Mona 🛼 (@Corona Mona 🛼) 1473180787

2. Or not caring about what others think.

#IveLearnedToAccept my body for what it is, Idc what anyone thinks because fat is beautiful too ☺️✌️ https://t.co/yrBp4zHPpp
— krystina loves niall ❤️😍 (@krystina loves niall ❤️😍) 1473197353

3. And learning to love yourself just the way you are.

#IveLearnedToAccept my strengths and my flaws
— SupDaily (@SupDaily) 1473189518

4. Some observations made me chuckle.

— (@)

5. And they made me think about unconditional love, like Regina and her dad.

#IveLearnedToAccept that my Dad isn't cool, but I love him anyway. https://t.co/1uwszScdHi
— Regina Spacola (@Regina Spacola) 1473181138

6. Others were powerful reminders that a lot of things are out of our control.

— (@)

7. And there were lots of reminders that we can't please everyone.

— (@)

8. Other tweets spoke about the timing of our lives.

#IveLearnedToAccept that things won't happen in the time that you plan or wish them too. They happen in the time they're supposed to.
— Jahméne (@Jahméne) 1473202867

9. Or put it very simply...

#IveLearnedToAccept a simple life as happy life 😊
— KatieJay (@KatieJay) 1473179542

10. Sure, life can seem unfair sometimes.

— (@)

11. But as soon as we accept that, we can learn to better appreciate the little things.

#IveLearnedToAccept that not every day will be great.That sometimes just changing your knickers is a success. & that's okay! 🙌🏻
— Kathy Brown 🌿 (@Kathy Brown 🌿) 1473203329

Dr. Steve Taylor, a senior lecturer in psychology at Leeds Becket University, explained to me that acceptance can actually be the difference between well-being and unhappiness.

"The act of acceptance releases frustration and resentment and connects us to the present experience of our lives. We are no longer in conflict with our experience, but embrace it," he says.

He even came up with four steps that can help get you started when something's bugging you and you realize you need to face the issue head-on:

Become aware of your negative feelings and thoughts. Acknowledge them.
Give your attention to the reality of the situation. Maybe if you're irritated waiting for an appointment, notice the artwork in the office or listen to the music they may be playing in the waiting room.
Consciously replace your negative thoughts with positive ones. Catch yourself when you're being a negative Nancy and do a 360 on that train of thought. That tends to get easier with practice.
If you still feel any resistance to what you were having trouble accepting, make like "Frozen" and let it go! Instead of running from your reality, run toward it and give it a great big hug.

**These steps may not work for everyone, but they can help kickstart your acceptance streak.**

Here's to the path to a freer, more relaxed, and happier you!

What it looks like to live as an introvert, as told by an introvert.

A lot of people think being an introvert is limited to wanting to be alone.

But really, it's so much more.

This is why Maureen Wilson decided to illustrate some of the best parts of being an introvert. Introverts can be observant, and they can be good listeners. Some introverts enjoy being with people often while other introverts love being alone most of the time.

But it's estimated that about one-third to half of the U.S. population are introverts, so no two introverts are the same. Here are 10 things Wilson wants you to know about an introvert's life.

1. Introverts are more than quiet.

2. An introvert's guide to fashion may include conversation-proof clothing items and accessories.

3. They might also have a few T-shirts to add to the mix.

4. Introverts and extroverts actually share a few commonalities.

5. Their alone time often isn't lonely.

6. Their weekends might look a little bit less full, but that doesn't mean they aren't relaxing.

7. Home tends to be where the heart truly is for an introvert.

8. This Magic 8 Ball game truly captures being an introvert.

9. Sometimes, talking to non-humans can lead to easier conversations, too.

10. But what most introverts want you to know, above anything else, is that being at peace with themselves makes them the happiest of all.

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A new study linking personality type to parenting style yielded some interesting results.

Let's cut to the chase. What kind of parent are you?

Say what? GIF from "The Daily Show."

Don't worry, nobody is on trial here. The answer is simple — you're a good one.

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But thanks to a new study from Truity, a company that specializes in personality assessments, we can learn how our personality types affect our roles as parents.

We know parenting styles and personality types are related, but thanks to a new study, now we know how they're related. Photo from iStock.

The tool being used is the famous Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), which has its critics, but resonates deeply with a lot of people.

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In a nutshell, there are four dimensions on the MBTI, and the majority of us favor a side for each one.

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1. Extroversion (E) vs. Introversion (I) — how one manages and replenishes personal energy
2. Sensing (S) vs. Intuition (N) — how one gathers and processes information
3. Thinking (T) vs. Feeling (F) — how one prioritizes personal values
4. Judging (J) vs. Perceiving (P) — how one organizes and structures daily life and work

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The end result is a four-letter code based on each of the four dimensions, and if you're unsure about your personality type, you can complete a free online assessment. There are 16 possible personality types and you can learn more about each one here.

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Truity took that information a step further by using a three-step questionnaire to find correlations between personality type and parenting.

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Here are five big takeaways from the study.

1. Each personality type has its own unique parenting strengths.

Yes, we all have our weaknesses as parents, too, but it's important to note that our personality types provide us with some pretty awesome strengths when it comes to raising tiny humans.

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Nothing is absolute. For example, just because "sensors" tend to emphasize traditions doesn't mean that "intuitives" don't. It simply means that the study found they focus their energies more on behaviors that come more naturally to them.

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There are so many different parenting styles out there, and one isn't better than another. But it's pretty cool to see how our personalities shape how we choose to interact with our children.

All infographic images by Truity, used with permission.

2. It doesn't matter if you're a mom or dad, INFP parents are most likely to embrace the stay-at-home lifestyle.

It's important to note that the chart lists the percentages of women who are stay-at-home moms. Due to the small sample size of male respondents who are stay-at-home dads, the chart for men reveals the percentages of men who would like to be at home with their kids primarily.

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Either way, INFP respondents (or introverted, feeling types) are the ones who tend to embrace the stay-at-home parent role more than any other type.

Another interesting point is over two-thirds of the fathers surveyed said they would give up their day jobs to be stay-at-home dads.

3. When it comes to rating their own parenting skills, extroverts gave themselves a lot of props. Introverts? Not as much.

Respondents were given a series of statements about parenting and were asked to rate their level of agreement on a scale from 1 (strongly disagree) to 5 (strongly agree). In almost every instance, extroverts rated themselves highest while introverts went in the opposite direction.

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Here's a snapshot of the results.

If you think that means all extroverts are better suited for parenting, think again.

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"Previous studies have shown that extroverts are more likely to express positive emotions in general," the researchers at Truity said. "We can expect them to score more highly on any measure where they are asked about emotions such as happiness and joy."

4. Feelers prefer having kids more than thinkers do. And some personality types just don't dig the whole parenting thing at all.

OK, so it's too late now for those of us who are already knee-deep in parenthood, but in case you're wondering how personality type correlates to the desire to have kids, this section is for you.

And for the comedians out there — they didn't conduct research on the "do have, don't want" category.

Of all of the personality types, INTJ responders were the most likely to say that they never wanted children.

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Why?

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Truity interviewed a few INTJ respondents to get their thoughts on the topic. One INTJ father of four had this to say:

“As an INTJ, being free and able to grow and learn is very important to me, so being a parent can be a challenge. I have to constantly carve out time for reading, thinking and quiet, which can be a real challenge. But, if I can find some maintenance time for myself, I can be a really good parent. If I don't my impatience with my children really surfaces.”

That's not to say that thinkers can't handle parenting. They just need some "me time" every now and then. And let's be real — every parent needs some time to themselves.

5. Sometimes surviving parenthood starts with surrounding yourself with people who "get" you.

For the people who choose to have children, it will be the toughest job they'll ever have. But it can be a little easier if they know there are others out there who experience similar joys and frustrations of raising kids.

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"Most parents report that one of the best ways to cope with the struggles of parenting is to hear from other parents going through the same challenges," said the people at Truity. "In this respect, personality typing can be a unique form of stress relief for parents."

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Regardless of personality types, that is something we can all agree on.

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