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Dad's 7-week paternity leave after birth of second child changes his entire parenting outlook

"These past seven weeks really opened up my eyes on how the household has actually ran, and 110% of that is because of my wife."

@ustheremingtons/TikTok

Dad's paternity leave was eye-opening.

Participating in paternity leave offers fathers so much more than an opportunity to bond with their new kids. It also allows them to help around the house and take on domestic responsibilities that many new mothers have to face alone while also tending to a newborn. All in all, it enables couples to handle the daunting new chapter as a team, making it less stressful on both parties (Or at least equally stressful on both parties. Now that's equity!).

TikTok creator and dad Caleb Remington, from the popular account @ustheremingtons, confesses that for baby number one, he wasn’t able to take a “single day of paternity leave.” This time around, for baby number two, Remington had the privilege of taking seven weeks off (to be clear, his employer offered four weeks, and he used an additional three weeks of PTO).

The time off changed Remington’s entire outlook on parenting, and his insights are something all parents could probably use.

dad, baby, parenting, paternity leave, fatherhood, parenthoodBaby sleeping in Dad's arms.Image via Canva

“It's unfortunately the end of my maternity —ahem— paternity leave,” Remington quips at the beginning of his video via voiceover. “I only joke because my wife is truly the man of the house. And call me what you want, but I am totally okay with that.”

He then shares that after getting to spend quality time with his family to create precious memories—losing track of time to “watch ants cross the sidewalk,” for instance—he feels “guilty” about not doing so with their firstborn.

“[It] made me realize how many of those small moments I missed out the first time, but I'm looking past that guilt and grateful that I had some time to make it up,” he says.

You’ll notice that during this entire video, Remington is also doing chores. Sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, washing dishes, wiping the countertops…you get the picture.

@ustheremingtons

I (caleb) am getting ready to go back into work and i am not ready. Grateful for my four weeks plus 3 weeks of PTO, but i feel like we were just getting into a groove and i was finally getting to have some 1 on 1 time with my son. Picking up the house today because we all function better with a clean space and we haven’t had time to do much of it while surviving these past 7 weeks. I do work from home and find that I have a little more flexibility in helping out here and there but i am also pretty glued and have to be zoned in during work hours. I do however have some pretty awesome and understanding coworkers and company!Shout out to @SAMBAZON Açaí 👊 Tiff is an all star: working and stay at home mom. I am dedicated in doing better to help balance more of the domestic responsibilities. #paternityleave #dadtok #dadsover30 #dadlife #fyp #foryoupage #ditl #ditlvlog #maternityleave #newbornlife #newbornbaby #secondbaby #2under2 #toddlerlife

Why is he doing this? His wife, aka “the lady with the milk bags,” has been so stressed with the house being messy that Remington decided to focus on doing all the house cleaning so that she could spend time with the kids.

Doing his fair share of the domestic labor is something Remington admits to failing at their first time around. Spending seven weeks taking on more responsibilities, however, opened his eyes to the fact that what he previously saw as doing his “fair share” was actually doing “the bare minimum.”

cleaning, housework, parenting, parents, chores, kidsFor some households, one's fair share can be the bare minimum.

“It has taken multiple conversations—and many ongoing ones—to truly master how to take on more of the mental load of raising children, growing our marriage and taking care of our investments like our home,” Remington shares, noting that communication really is key.

Lastly, Remington reflects on how the emotional turbulence of being new parents challenged his relationship, even though he and his wife were good communicators and aware of how much effort would be required.

“I honestly hated how much we fought, how much I felt misunderstood, and how much I misunderstood her…so now as second-time parents, I feel like we're a little bit more prepared. Prepared in how we talk to each other, prepared in how I balance work, life, and personal life, and prepared to just let things go,” he says. These are definitely valuable insights for anyone navigating baby number one. Or number five, for that matter.

Remington’s story stands as a great example of just how beneficial paternity leave can be. It offers priceless bonding time, an equal balance of responsibilities, and more time for much needed reflection as parents begin a pivotal new chapter in their lives. What's more, research has shown that paternity leave can actually aid Dad's brains in adapting to parenthood, according to Harvard Business Review.

Today, things have slowed down and revved up as both Remington kids are a little older. What hasn't changed, though, is what everyone learned from those seven weeks of paternity leave: having time to be with one's family, especially during crucial moments of growth and hardship, can make a world of difference. And, one thing's for sure: the Remingtons are committed to figuring it all out with love and grace (and it looks like they're doing great).

@ustheremingtons

Send us all the Bend, OR fooddddiee spots please! Little roadtrip to the mountains so our babies can enjoy the snow 🫰#roadtrip #bend #bendoregon #familytime #familyfun #snow #snowday #toddlerhood #toddlerlife #momanddad #roadtrips #snowfall #fyp #relatable


This article originally appeared two years ago.

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Here’s what one small-business owner thinks of paid parental leave.

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CNBC's The Profit

Tami spent a good part of her life working jobs that didn’t necessarily agree that time off with a new baby — for either or both parents — was a good idea.

Then she met Marcus Lemonis of the CNBC reality show "The Profit," which takes over struggling businesses and turns them around. She was offered paid maternity leave and, soon after, was made co-owner of the Key West Key Lime Pie Company.

Her experience was an exception, however.

Paid maternity leave is something the United States is actually really far behind the rest of the world on.

Here’s a map that kinda brings it into shocking perspective.

This map shows countries with paid leave from work for mothers of infants. Graphic via WORLD Policy Analysis Center at the UCLA Fielding School of Public Health.

When new mothers are forced to go right back to work, they can experience all sorts of negative health issues, such as post-partum depression, extreme fatigue, physical problems related to childbirth, and more. Conversely, children who have their mothers at home tend to be healthier.

Here are a few of the benefits kids see when their mothers can stay with them:

  • They're less likely to get respiratory infections.
  • They're more likely to be current with immunizations.
  • They're more likely to breast-feed during infancy (with its well-established benefits).
  • And, in general, they're less likely to die between 0 and 5 years.

For a country that professes to care so much about our children, the United States sure seems behind the curve with family leave.

Thankfully, small businesses are generally more likely to support family life and the ability to take time off to deal with health crises and having kids and the things that go along with, you know, life. They're just more able to have that personal touch and to get to know employees personally.

When we lose small businesses to big corporations buying or forcing them out of business, we lose some of that personal, family touch.

GIF from "The Profit Effect: The Working Parent & Paid Parental Leave."

A few big companies, such as Netflix, have begun offering paid parental leave, but sometimes to salaried professionals only, not to the hourly workers who usually need it the most. Others have followed suit; Nestle and Virgin are now offering paid family leave, though in the latter case, once again, for management only. Another, The Gates Foundation, recently began offering up to one full year of paid family leave.

Also, the U.S. Family Medical Leave Act can provide some unpaid time off (up to 12 weeks), but 40% of U.S. workers do not qualify. In addition, how many people who are already making close to poverty-level wages can actually take unpaid time off and not lose their home, car, or everything? It's a stop-gap measure at best.

Becoming a small-business owner reinforced Tami's view of paid parental leave — one that she formed when she didn't have access to it.

It's interesting hearing her perspective after becoming The Boss. For some folks, it might change their mind.

Not her. Watch:

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5 reasons why Mark Zuckerberg's upcoming parental leave matters for the rest of us.

Other companies should take note.

For the moms and dads in the room, do you remember what it was like when you laid eyes on your baby for the first time?

Even something as routine as watching your baby receiving his or her first bath from the gentle hands of the hospital's nursing staff became the best spectator sport ever.

In the early moments of your child's life, you were probably overwhelmed by the desire to spend as much time as possible with the tiny human that you'd completely fallen in love with.

Then it hit you. Based on your employment situation, you may not be afforded the opportunity to properly bond with your child. And that sucks.

I could easily rant about the egregious lack of maternity and paternity leave in America, but we should also give credit where it's due. Some companies are doing an admirable job of giving parents time with their newborns, paving the way for what it means to value employees inside and outside the workplace.

One of the champions of maternity and paternity leave is Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg. Now he's also leading by example.

Mark Zuckerberg and his wife, Priscilla Chan. Photo by Getty Images News.

Zuckerberg recently announced that he's taking two months of paternity leave once his baby girl is born. Here are five reasons why it's so important:

1. Being a dad comes first.

Even as the leader of one of the most powerful companies in the world, Zuckerberg knows that the most important job title he'll ever have is "Dad."

Studies have shown that dads who take bonding time with their newborn babies are more likely to dive into the often-messy trenches of childcare (and stay there) than the dads who don't.

It makes me smile knowing it won't be long before Zuckerberg becomes familiarized with the "dad face" as he approaches his daughter's first blowout diaper.

2. Respect for child-rearing starts at the top.

By "the top," I mean the top of the food chain in terms of industries and executive leadership. Facebook offers full-time employees working anywhere in the world up to four months of paid leave to bond with a baby — and that time can be taken at any point during the first year of the child's life.

Notice the terminology there. It's not called maternity leave or paternity leave. It's parental leave because moms, dads, and people in same-sex relationships are entitled to the same amount of time for baby bonding. That's a big deal.

Photo by Chandan Khanna/AFP.

I know, I know ... Zuckerberg's a billionaire. Of course he can afford to take the time off, right?

Well, that's what makes his company special. He's not a "do as I say but not as I do" leader who enjoys the perks and everyone else fights for the scraps. Facebook is focused on encouraging its employees to enjoy the same leave benefits that he does.

Here's what Lori Goler, Facebook's vice president of people, had to say about the importance of Facebook's parental leave policy:

"Studies show that when working parents take time to be with their newborns, outcomes are better for the children and families. For too long, paid baby leave has been granted only to a mother who is giving birth. We believe that fathers and mothers alike deserve the same level of support when they are starting and growing a family, regardless of how they define family."

Facebook employees should feel honored to work for such amazing leaders who value the importance of family.

3. Facebook is setting the tone for other employers.

This will help pave the way for other companies to do the same thing or risk being left behind.

You know those millennials everyone keeps talking about? Well, they're interested in a lot more than this young lady:

GIF of "Shake It Off" by Taylor Swift.

The best and brightest of the group have little desire to work for companies that don't view them holistically. Facebook, Netflix, Adobe, Johnson & Johnson, and others have demonstrated with their leave policies how much they value their employees.

And guess what? They attract and retain the top talent in their respective industries because of it.

As many of us lament America's parental leave policies, it's promising to know that companies are being forced (OK, more like "strongly nudged") to accommodate their employees for fear they may walk to another company that actually gets it.

4. Zuckerberg is challenging what it means to be a working dad.

For some men, having a baby ends up like just another agenda item on a busy schedule. They're at the hospital in the morning taking photos while holding their newborns like trophies from a weekend softball league, and moments later they're heading back to the office.

Sadly, there are thousands of new dads who have to get back to work quickly or risk their jobs. That's another story entirely, and we're not talking about them.

We're talking about the dads who do this because they actually think it's the manly thing to do.

And yes, those men exist. Remember the 2014 story of New York Mets player Daniel Murphy?

Photo by Sean M. Haffey/Getty Images Sports.

Radio hosts ripped him for taking three days off to bond with his new baby (they thought three days was too much time, not too little). If you're not familiar with the story, I hope you're sitting down before you click the link above, because it will make you angry.

We already know what today's dads look like. And in a roundabout way, a man as powerful as Zuckerberg gives working dads in America permission to embrace fatherhood.

It's OK and expected for dads to take the full parental leave allotted by a company.

It's OK and expected for fellow employees and supervisors to cheer a man's decision to take parental leave and not roll their eyes in disgust for "not being dedicated to the job."

Of course, change takes time, but when influential corporate leaders are the ones initiating change, others seem to follow suit.

Which leads to my next point...

5. Time is important. Let's cherish it.

The most valuable resource we have is time.

No, it's not health, wealth, or love — because the possibility exists of getting those things back once they're gone.

Time? Not so much. Once it's gone, it's gone. That's why it's so precious.

Regardless of the amount of money and influence Zuckerberg has, he's smart enough to know that the time he'll spend with his newborn daughter is invaluable — and I give him huge props for choosing to be a dad first.

Speaking from personal experience, many of my favorite fatherhood memories with my young daughters occurred while I was on paternity leave from my previous corporate job.

Like this one.

Photo courtesy of Doyin Richards.

We need to create a world where parents are able to embrace all aspects of parenthood without fearing scrutiny, passive-aggressive ridicule, or on-the-job consequences from their employers.

Hopefully, Zuckerberg's upcoming parental leave and Facebook's amazing policies and culture that allow him and his employees to take it will trickle down to other companies and our government.

Because every parent should enjoy the sleepless nights, diaper changes, and infant giggles without checking email at the same time. It's only fair.

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