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Mom explains the 'dishonest' Boomer parenting style that still hurts many adults today

People finally have words to describe their experience.

Photo by Monstera Production

“What they want is dishonest harmony rather than honest conflict.”

There are certainly many things the Boomer parents generally did right when raising their kids. Teaching them the importance of manners and respect. That actions do, in fact, have consequences. That a little manners go a long way…all of these things are truly good values to instill in kids.

But—and we are speaking in broad strokes here—being able to openly discuss difficult feelings was not one of the skills passed down by this generation. And many Gen X and millennial kids can sadly attest to this. This is why the term “dishonest harmony” is giving many folks of this age group some relief. They finally have a term to describe the lack of emotional validation they needed throughout childhood to save face.

Psychologists define the "dishonest harmony" approach as maintaining a façade of peace and harmony at the expense of addressing underlying issues. Parents who practice disharmony prioritize appearance over authenticity and are known to avoid conflict and sweep problems under the rug.

In a video posted to TikTok, a woman named Angela Baker begins by saying, “Fellow Gen X and millennials, let's talk about our parents and their need for dishonest harmony.”


@parkrosepermaculture

Replying to @Joe Namath #boomerparents #toxicparent #harmony #genx #millennial #badparenting #conflict #nocontact


Barker, who thankfully did not experience this phenomenon growing up, but says her husband “certainly” did, shared that when she’s tried to discuss this topic, the typical response she’d get from Boomers would be to “Stop talking about it. We don't need to hear about it. Move on. Be quiet.”

And it’s this attitude that’s at the core of dishonest harmony.

“What that’s showing is their lack of ability to handle the distress that they feel when we talk openly about uncomfortable things,” she says. “What they want is dishonest harmony rather than honest conflict. Keep quiet about these hard issues. Suppress your pain, suppress your trauma. Definitely don't talk openly about it so that you can learn to heal and break the cycle,” she continues. “What matters most is that we have the appearance of harmony, even if there's nothing harmonious under the surface.”

boomer parents, parenting styles, boomer grandparents, happy boomers, retired people An older woman on her laptop. via Canva/Photos

Barker concludes by theorizing that it was this need to promote a certain facade that created most of the toxic parenting choices of that time period.

“The desire of boomer parents to have this perception that everything was sweet and hunky dory, rather than prioritizing the needs of their kids, is what drove a lot of the toxic parenting we experienced.”

Barker’s video made others feel so seen, as clearly indicated by the comments.

“How did I not hear about dishonest harmony until now? This describes my family dynamic to a T. And if you disrespect that illusion, you are automatically labeled as the problem. It’s frustrating,” one person wrote.

“THANK YOU SO MUCH! I'm a 49 yo biker sitting in my bedroom crying right now. You just put a name to my darkness!” added another

boomer parents, parenting styles, boomer grandparents, happy boomers, retired people A happy older couple. via Canva/Photos

Many shared how they were refusing to repeat the cycle.

One wrote, “This is EXACTLY my family dynamic. I’m the problem because I won’t remain quiet. Not anymore. Not again.”

“I love when my kids tell me what I did wrong. It gives me a chance to acknowledge and apologize. Everyone wants to be heard,” said another.

Of course, no parenting style is perfect. And all parents are working with the current ideals of the time, their own inner programming and their inherent need to course correct child raising problems of the previous generation. Gen Alpha parents will probably cringe at certain parenting styles currently considered in vogue. It’s all part of the process.

But hopefully one thing we have learned as a collective is that true change happens when we summon the courage to have difficult conversations.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Baby name experts predicts that kids born in 2035 will see a return of these 'heritage' names

Gives a whole new meaning to "ice, ice, baby."

Photo Credit: Canva

Baby name predictions for 2035.

A baby name expert has revved up her time machine and gone a whole decade into the future. What she found is genuinely wild - okay, if not wild, at least pretty fun! Sophie Kihm, an editor for nameberry.com, has compiled a list using a "proprietary formula to find upcoming trends she predicts will be next decade's popular child names.

In a New York Post article, they reveal Kihm's thoughts: "Millennial names and Gen X names are unfashionable right now. Ashley, Heather, Megan, Ellen - names that were popular with this generation of moms. For boys, Clayton, Justin, Preston and Danny feel a bit older."

However, as time marches on, she claims "Fia" is a name to look out for. "We're seeing that as a rising trend around the world that parents are more interested in going back to heritage." She also lists Yuna and Laith as "very hands-on name(s)."

@nameberry.com

Replying to @youwontfindmenowhahaha These names aren’t in the Top 1000 yet, but expect to see them on the charts in 2035! #nameberry #babynames #nameinspiration #girlnames #boynames #nametok #babynameideas #babynameslist #babynametrends #popularbabynames #popularnames #uniquenames #uniquegirlnames #uniqueboynames #rarebabynames #rarenames #greenscreen #substack

Other predictions for the next decade? "Icelynn is going to be a fast riser. Ice has become a cool syllable."

For boys, she says that although "it feels really extreme, Chozen (yes with a Z) was a fast-growing name in the US last year because of the pop culture anime character."

She also predicts the popularity of bird names, with Pipit being one. "I think it's really cute. P's have a lot of energy and it combines that energy with a bird name."

While listing many more names, she notes "names go in roughly 100-year cycles. Once a generation with a certain name dies, it starts to be used again." As for 2035, she predicts for girls, "Areli, Arden, Vida, Poetry, Viola and Ripley" will be a handful of people we meet. For boys, "Tiago, Townes, Woods, Casper, Kit, Booker, and Cosmo" to name a few.

Casper, baby names, Casper the friendly ghost, future Casper the friendly ghost takes a stroll. Giphy

Though, her list reveals "classic" names, Charlotte and Oliver, as the number one spots on the 2035 lists.

Redditors have their own predictions as well. On the subreddit r/namenerds, the OP asks, "What names do you think will be trendy that are not currently on our radar? I think the trend will continue towards more formal, unusual names. I think 'Townes' or 'Collins' are popping up more, and I wonder what other names seem 'edgy' now but will be common in 2034?" (They used 2034 as the set date, because this was posted in 2024.)

They add, "If I was trying to best describe my vibe on 2034, I think it will trend towards old-money cool being common (like our modern 'Emma’s' and 'Liam'). Not in a bad way, but I could see there being multiple Sinclair’s in a class, for example."

This person echoes some of the names on Kihm's list, though the post was written before the nameberry predictions. "Simple multicultural names: Tala, Kai, Yuna, Dara."

One person added the idea that names are cyclical, though suggested they reappear every decade or two. "I think maybe 10 (more like 20) years from now 80s/90s names will rise in popularity again. Gen Z is heavily influenced by the early 00s. I see names like Lauren, Brooke, Jenna, Jamie, Erin, Nicole and Allison rising in popularity again." They edited to add "Lindsay, Britney and Paris too… although these names have felt a bit off-limits since they are so associated with certain celebs."

Britney Spears, Britney, popular names, future trends Britney Spears gives a strange look. Giphy

In the same realm, this person posits, "With names like Hazel, Evelyn and Theodore coming back around now, I'm thinking names like Nancy, Diane, Keith and Mark coming back in 10 years along with more made-up names." (Note: aren't ALL names "made up?")

Lastly, this person jokes, "I'm waiting for the Karen revival," followed by, "That will be NEXT century."

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Dad follows his daughter during her 5 a.m. jog for the sweetest reasons

“I have whatever the opposite of daddy issues are.”

Photo credit: Canva

Running in the dark raises safety concerns.

A woman going out on an early morning run is showing everyone what being a good father looks like. Social media fitness influencer Orey shared a TikTok praising her father’s protection and motivation to achieve her goals.

“I have whatever the opposite of daddy issues are because my dad drives behind me during my 5 A.M. runs to make sure that I’m safe,” said Orey in the video’s caption. In the video, Orey gives her dad a fist bump through the open driver’s seat window before running off into the dark streets as her dad monitors her from his car.

@oreyfit

he’s a GOOD man savannah !!!! #run #runningmotivation #running #fyp #runningcommunity #runninginspiration #runhappy #runnergirl

Most outdoor joggers prefer to get their run in early in the morning to avoid traffic and pedestrians that would clog up city streets. It’s also a more comfortable time to run for people who live in warmer climates that get significantly hotter during the day, such as in Los Angeles where Orey resides. Unfortunately, though, such runs aren’t always safe.

Running outdoors when it’s dark can be risky, especially for women. There have been several news stories over the years about primarily female runners being harassed or assaulted while alone on the streets or in a park. While there should be a conversation on how to permanently ensure the safety of the public while they exercise, it’s currently necessary to actively find ways to protect yourself. Or, in Orey’s case, reflect upon how special it is that someone steps up for you.

The commenters on Orey’s TikTok shared similar stories from their parents:

“My dad finds parking in the Bronx for me and moves his car when I come home. 🥺”

“I didn't have my dad, but my mom would follow me to work when I would have to be there at 5 A.M. to open and stay until another employee showed up.”

“My dad would walk to the beach a block from our house at 2 A.M. after his night shift to check on me on my night 'walk' and walk me home…I was in my 30s. 🥰🥰🥰🥰”

Orey has gained a major following on TikTok with more than 450,000 followers by sharing relatable and accessible videos of her fitness journey, especially with running:

@oreyfit

Replying to @Monique Miller some running tips 🩷 #fyp #run #running #runningmotivation #runningtips


Parents often protect their children through limitations, even when they’re grown. They might say, “Don’t do that at night,” or “That’s too dangerous of a commute,” or “You could get hurt; best to forget about it.” While well-intentioned, that approach can create a boundary in the relationship and a lack of trust in an offspring’s ability to be independent. If Orey’s dad had that mentality, it could create resentment from Orey and he would still be worried for her if she decided to run before dawn.

running, runners, dad, daughter, father and daughter, parents, good dads A dad keeps track of time while running with his daughterImage via Canva

Instead, Orey’s dad did something great parents do—he participated. It’s special when anyone inconveniences themselves to support their loved one’s goals. If he was going to feel restless knowing that his daughter was going to run at 5 a.m., might as well go along with her, right?

Supportive and participatory phrases might sound like, “Let me drive you there and back,” “Let’s make a plan together in case the worst happens,” or “Can I do it with you?” This approach not only creates peace of mind for the parent but also strengthens the bond with the child as a wonderful side benefit. And it isn’t just applicable for parents and their kids, but also between spouses, partners, and friends, too. You not only help keep them safe as they pursue their goals but are actively there when they achieve them.

It’s an unfortunate reality that safety is never 100% guaranteed, but providing protection in tandem with support creates something special between loved ones. That alone is worth an early alarm each morning.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Parents complained about 'offensive' book, so the principal read it to the entire school

Apparently learning about the Civil Rights movement is "inappropriate."

Jess Piper/Twitter
School responded to a parent's book complaint by reading it aloud to the entire student body

Schools often have to walk a fine line when it comes to parental complaints. Diverse backgrounds, beliefs, and preferences for what kids see and hear will always mean that schools can't please everyone all the time, so teachers and educators have to discern what's best for the whole, broad spectrum of kids in their care.

Sometimes, what's best is hard to discern. Sometimes it's absolutely not.

Such was the case when a parent at a St. Louis elementary school complained in a Facebook group about a book that was read to her 7-year-old. The parent wrote:

"Anyone else check out the read a loud book on Canvas for 2nd grade today? Ron's Big Mission was the book that was read out loud to my 7 year old. I caught this after she watched it bc I was working with my 3rd grader. I have called my daughters school. Parents, we have to preview what we are letting the kids see on there."

Fittingly, the Facebook group was titled "Concerned Parents of the Rockwood School District."

book bans, books, reading, elementary school, schools, education, racism, kids books, childrens books, parents, teachers Parents have always been concerned with what their kids are reading; but lately it's getting out of hand. Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

The book in question, Ron's Big Mission, highlights a true story from the childhood of Challenger astronaut Ron McNair, who had experienced discrimination as a child in South Carolina because he was Black. In 1959, when he was nine years old, McNair wanted to check out books at the library, but the librarian told him the library didn't loan books to "coloreds." McNair refused to leave the library until he was allowed to check out books. Rather than give him a library card, the librarian called the police, who ultimately convinced her to just let him check out books.

Seriously, what issue could this parent possibly take with such an inspiring story of a kid standing up to injustice and fighting for the right to educate himself?

This was a child who single-handedly changed a library's racial segregation policy and grew up to be an astronaut—a genuine, real-life hero. What is there to take issue with? The parent didn't specify, so we're left to conjecture, but bad reviews for the book on Goodreads and Amazon might give us a clue: Some readers have taken offense at the way the book portrays white people.

"I understand racial diversity is important but this is just awful. I don't think it's appropriate for kids because they don't live in a world where black kids can't rent books or do the same things white kids can do. It's a pretty level playing field now," one reviewer wrote on Goodreads.

"Children are supposed to learn how to love all cultures not hate all cultures," added another 1-star reviewer.

Cue up the tiny violins.

book bans, books, reading, elementary school, schools, education, racism, kids books, childrens books, parents, teachers The old "reverse racism" trope! Giphy

Rockwood Education Equity and Diversity Director Brittany Hogan told KMOX News Radio that after hearing of the complaint, other parents responded immediately in the book's defense.

"They were saying this is amazing that they were buying copies of the book," Hogan said. "One of our parents came out and said she was going to purchase a copy for every second-grader at the elementary school that her children attends."

Hogan called McNair a hero and said, "He deserves to be celebrated. His story deserves to be told to our children. It's important that we continue to move in a space that embeds diverse curriculum."

And the school responded in the best possible way—by announcing the book was going to be read aloud to the whole student body via Zoom. That's how you shut down a bigot. Boom.

Here's Pond Elementary Principal Carlos Diaz-Granados reading "Ron's Big Mission" to students via Zoom and sharing why he thinks it's an important book for kids:

- YouTube www.youtube.com

In the years since this incident, book bans have sadly become even more of an issue in many parts of America. During the 2023-2024 school year, over 10,000 books were banned in public schools; a rapidly accelerating number. It's too easy for special interest groups and politicians to hide behind the idea of "protecting kids" from inappropriate content, when in reality, any books written by or about people of color or the LQBTQ+ community are being overwhelmingly targeted just for existing.

Schools have a responsibility in this battle. While it's not their place to adopt a formal religious, racial, or political position, they are supposed to be environments where all are welcome. And it's their job to fight for their students' right to learn and access information. Kudos to the Pond Elementary Team for doing the right thing here.

This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

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