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A mom went viral for explaining why she won't bring snacks and water on short outings with her 3-year-old

It's a struggle all parents run into eventually. It becomes too much, and far too annoying, to be responsible for every aspect of your children's lives and well-being. At some point, they need to start taking ownership over the things that are important to them. When they hit the age where they begin to really care about what they wear? They better be involved in doing their own laundry! Got soccer practice? Better remember to get dressed and pack your bag before it's time to go.

Mom and dad can't be the only ones keeping everyone on track 24/7. But, of course, this is a battle that's fought both in our homes and in American culture at large. Kids are less independent now than the were in previous generations. Fewer kids walk to school or play outside unsupervised. And some say that it shows.

One mom is using a "harsh" parenting technique to instill this kind of independence in her kids from an early age.


moms, mothers, parenting, kids, toddlers, babies, consequences, punishment, psychologySome argue that kids need tough love from an early age to learn independence and responsibility. Photo by Gabe Pierce on Unsplash

Chelsea, a professor and homesteader, recently took to TikTok to share some words of wisdom that have helped her in raising her 1- and 3-year-olds without collapsing from constant overwhelm.

"I don't know who needs to hear this but if you have little kids, you have to try one of my favorite recent parenting techniques," she says in the selfie-style video. "This might sound a little crazy or a little crude, but i promise if you listen, I will explain how this has added so much value."

She begins by offering an example of a scenario most parents can relate to.

"The other day we were driving in the car and from the backseat [my 3-year-old] calls 'Mom, I'm hungry!' My response to her when she said she was hungry was 'Oh, did you bring a snack?'"

The essence of Chelsea's independence technique is that she no longer brings snacks, water, or entertainment like books and games on short trips out with her kids. Instead, she pushes them to remember to bring what they need.

"I know, this sounds a little harsh. I promise, I'm not letting them go hungry, I'm not letting them go thirsty," Chelsea says. "They are very hydrated, well fed kids. This is used in very specific scenarios. But what this does is it puts a little bit of the responsibility and the ownership on them."

"Number one, it helps her understand that she has to take some responsibility in bringing something [she needs.]" Though, the mom of two adds that she helps remind her daughter before they leave the house to make sure she has everything she needs.

"I'm helping her prepare, but i'm also teaching her a little bit of a natural consequence. Because if she doesn't bring her water or her snack, then her natural consequence is she doesn't get snack."

After using this technique for a while, Chelsea notices that her daughter will remember on her own far more often. And if she does forget, mom's often got her back. Chelsea states that if her daughter forgets her water and mom just so happens to have one for her, her daughter is incredibly grateful and appreciative. I think all parents would like more of that sentiment from their kids!

Watch the whole clip here:

@sunny_acres_regen_farm

My small contribution to making the next generation less entitled #mom #toddlermom #toddlers #parenting #homestead

The video racked up over 400,000 views and left parents, teachers, and other commenters extremely divided.

Some loved the idea. Teachers, especially, were keen on the idea of kids coming into their classrooms having learned more responsibility and independence at home from a young age:

"I’m a teacher and this will help your children so much. A lot of kids don’t know how to solve problems or take responsibility"

"I’m a kindergarten teacher and I approve this message"

"As a teacher, thank you. I can tell asap when a child had never been responsible for a single thing in their life. Then they get to kinder and are lost bc someone has always done everything for them"

Teachers have a great perspective because they see and work closely with so many kids. They're really plugged in to bigger trends and concerns that affect the entire age group and not just one single kid or family. So when they say kids need to learn more independence early, it's usually a good idea to listen.

Some commenters chimed in that they, themselves, were raised this way, or had used similar approaches successfully with their own kids:

"Seriously, I don’t remember being offered snacks and drinks constantly or having them always around anywhere all the time. If we were out and about a lot of times I had to wait (within reason)"

"I did this with my now adult children. My youngest (18) is constantly shocked by his friends who aren’t like him and his siblings."

Some people, however, had concerns with whether this technique was age-appropriate for a toddler:


moms, mothers, parenting, kids, toddlers, babies, consequences, punishment, psychologyIt can be tough for toddlers to think ahead about the future consequences of their behavior.Giphy

"my boomer mom said things like this and it created a lot of anxiety that I had to remember to take care of myself and I felt abandoned"

"I dont like this at all! Why should a THREE year old need to be concerned with bringing her own water?"

"a good technique for older kids but i think your kids are too young so it's not a developmentally appropriate expectation"

"A more age appropriate way would be have her help you pack her bag."

These commenters are right in that natural consequences is a very effective parenting technique, but it can also be fraught. There's a fine line between teaching kids responsibility and making them feel like no one is looking out for them. 3-years-old is a really tricky age for this kind of parenting. Toddlers can understand immediate cause-and-effect relationships, but have trouble linking their actions with future consequences. So while there's nothing wrong with introducing concepts of consequences, independence, and responsibility to kids 3 and under, it's important to keep expectations in line with what's age-appropriate.

It sounds like Chelsea's got a good handle on the right balance, but in less-careful hands this kind of approach could be a disaster.


Mom with adult daughters.

Mother-daughter relationships are a bond like no other. For many girl moms, one of the markers of a parenting job well-done is when your adult daughters want to call you everyday.

It's something TikToker @coobellaa hopes will happen. So, she decided to ask her followers for parenting advice–specifically from 'girl moms' who have adult daughters who call them everyday. Her goal: to get their advice on how to keep her relationship with her daughter strong as she grows up, with hopes she will want to call her everyday when she's out on her own.

"Because I’m raising a future best friend, not just a daughter. Girl moms with grown daughters.. what’s your secret to staying close? 🥹🙏🏼💞," she captioned the post.

@coobellaa

Because I’m raising a future best friend, not just a daughter. Girl moms with grown daughters.. what’s your secret to staying close? 🥹🙏🏼💞 #mom #girlmom #momtips

In the video, @coobellaa is getting ready with her young daughter in the mirror. Within the video, she added the caption, "GIRL MOMS with daughters over 20 who still call you everyday...what's something you did while raising them that kept your bond strong?

Moms did not hold back. They opened up about the specific things that have helped them maintain a strong relationship with their adult daughters. These are 18 of the best insights:

1. "Physical affection. I made it a habit to give my kids a snuggle as soon as they woke up and before bed. It kept us connected even through the teen years."

mom, daughter, hug, affection, physical touchMama Said Love GIF by OriginalsGiphy

2. "My daughter is 34, she’s my best friend. I always believed her, I never judged, I gave tons of affection, and we did it together. I was a young Mom, and now a Gigi of 5. I always want more for her ♥️."

3. "Honestly I just made sure I gave them a place of love and no judgement. They knew I was the mom and not their friend but they also knew I could handle the truth better than a lie so lies were[n't] needed."

4. "Be honest, admit to my mistake and try to 'suggest' things once they became adults. I feel like teaching them to trust themselves, their ideas and consequences while at home was the best. I was there."

5. "I laid down with my daughter every night at bedtime and we talked about her day, well into her teens. Sometimes it was boring but I knew someday she may need something important so I always listened."

mom, bedtime, daughter, mom and daughter, listening hallmark hall of fame mother daughter GIF by Hallmark ChannelGiphy

6. "I let them say their truth and didn't try to change it even if it made me look bad I just had to change it this made me cry."

7. "I didn't have all of the answers. I never pretended to. I apologized often and tried to speak about differences when emotions weren't high."

8. "Be real and raw it’s okay to show vulnerability and always say sorry when you don’t hit the mark. Thank them when they show kindness empathy etc. See the best in them and reflect that back to them."

9. "Be honest (age appropriate), allow them to make their own mistakes, tell them that you are learning and make a safe space for them to tell you when you do something wrong and to take accountability ❤️."


safe space, parenting, moms, daughters, parentsyou're safe here season 4 GIF by PortlandiaGiphy

10. "Two things: first, we have 'the bubble'. You can say anything, swear, vent, confess to wrongdoing, etc w/o fear of punishment. It’s a safe space. Sometimes you just need to have a place to 'get it all out”'. Second, every time my daughter comes to me with anything my first response is 'do you need advice or do you need me to just listen?'"

11. "Don’t react… when they come to you with something unhinged as a teen, don’t let your face or words react in that moment! Gather yourself and have the convo HOURS later, no matter what it is!!"

12. "I show grace. I apologize. I’m transparent. I tell them I love them 100 times a day. I’m honest but kind. I’m their biggest supporter. They know I’ll always be here."

13. "'If it's important to you, it's important to me'."

important, family, moms, daughters, bondsBusy Philipps Tonight GIF by E!Giphy

14. "I always tell my daughter (who is 20) that we can sort out all problems together, big or small. Said that to her since she was little and she tells me absolutely everything. she's like my little sis🖤."

15. "My daughter is 22 and we are best friends! Always making time for 'girl time' quality time together. Knowing who she is and always having a safe place to come home to or a sounding board."

16. "I genuinely loved spending time with her, set boundaries but was always open with communication."

mom, daughter, selfie, gif, moms and daughters, parentingGIF by Better ThingsGiphy

17. "The fact they knew I’d be there no matter what, I was their mum not their friend but that nothing couldn’t be sorted. Now as adults I’m a friend as well a mum."

18. "I make sure she knows she’s loved no matter the situation. Even if it’s bad. I want the total honest truth. I believe she truly does trust me entirely! She calls me all the time!"

Popular

Frustrated mom puts baby shampoo in her own eyes to test which are truly 'tear free'

"Trying 'tear free' baby shampoos to see if our babies are being dramatic."

Mom tests 'tear-free' baby shampoo in her eyes. Some burn badly.

Having a baby can be stressful, especially because parents just want to do what's best for them. Because babies can't talk, though, it's hard to know if there's a problem. Of course, babies cry to alert us they need tending to, but are they crying because they're in pain or because they don't like bath water touching their face? Do they need a diaper change or is their left sock soggy because they just discovered they could put their foot in their mouth? The answer to "Why is my baby crying?" can be anything, but the last thing a parent wants it to be is pain.

Tori Keller has been having a hard time washing her children's hair due to all the crying even though she uses "tear free" shampoo. The bath time dramatics were enough to make her wonder if the problem was her children simply not liking their hair being washed or if it was the shampoo. Keller decided to put the baby shampoo to the test using her own eyeballs so she would know once and for all.

gif, baby, bath time, hair washing, baths, babiesBeauty Baby GIF by Aksan KozmetikGiphy

In her totally scientific experiment, the young mom happily hopped into the running shower wearing what appears to be workout clothing. Once she gets in and wets her face under the shower head, her husband, who is standing off to the side, squirts a couple of pumps of baby shampoo on her forehead and rubs it in, being sure to get it on her eyes. First up is the very familiar and extremely popular Johnson's baby shampoo, and quite honestly, the results look painful.

Nearly immediately after opening her eyes the shampoo burned so badly that she forgot she was standing right next to running water. Keller keeps yelling "Oh!" in increasing intensity as she seemingly doesn't know how to make the stinging stop. Finally, her husband points her in the direction of the shower head. "That one's bad" she says with her eyes are still closed.

shower, burning, eyes, shampoo, soap in eyes, painScreaming Oh God GIF by Film RiotGiphy

Next up is Aveeno Kids, which also claims to be tear-free. Much to the mom's relief, it is much less intense. Keller declares that it's "not terrible, it's a tiny bit of a sting." Phew. Aveeno still seems to be in the running for actually being tear-free, but she still has more shampoos to go. Next on deck is Honest Calm Shampoo and Body Wash and, once again, the discomfort is instant. It took Keller quite a bit of time to rid her eyes of the stinging.

@torikeller PART 3 of trying baby products 🤪 I’ll let you guys know if i can see tomorrow! What’s next?! #sahm #mom #motherhood #babyproducts #momcontent ♬ original sound - torikeller

The last one Keller tries is Equate Baby Shampoo which is also very uncomfortable. Keller really is a trooper because in other videos, she tries even more baby shampoos. People in the comments were thankful for the mom's dedication to "research" while others had bones to pick with their own mothers after seeing the results.

"This is so smart thank you for doing that. Aveeno it is for my baby!" one person says.

"I’m about to send this to my mom she SWORE the Johnson’s wasn’t burning my eyes as a child but it does!!!!!!"

"Thank you for your scientific research"

"I’ve never found a tear free product that didn’t obliterate my eyes. I still haven’t found a sunscreen that I can use on my face without going blind."

"This is so helpful! Thank you for taking one for the team babies!" one viewer cheers.

Parenting

Parents share why it's better for children to face danger than to be raised sheltered

"There will come a day when you’re not around and curiosity or peer pressure will get the best of them."

Photo by Derek Owens on Unsplash

Parents share 'unpopular opinion' on letting kids take risks and experience danger.

Parents are theirs kids' protectors. Keeping kids safe while also teaching and exposing them to some of life's hardest lessons is a delicate balance.

Parents Andy and Aza (@raisingwellskids) have decided to raise their two kids with a more unconventional parenting idea: they believe that by allowing their kids to be exposed to more risks and danger, it will keep them safe in the long run. It's an 'unpopular opinion' they explain will benefit their kids and others, and they decided to share more about it in an insightful Instagram post.

In the video, one of their kids is lighting a fire on his own without any parental assistance. "Unpopular opinion but equipping kids with the tools, resources and confidence to handle these things is safer than sheltering kids from all possible dangers," they captioned the post.

In the video, they explain that this way of parenting allows their kids more autonomy, experience, and freedom. In turn, it encourages their kids to make wiser decisions on their own.

"Because there will come a day when you’re not around and curiosity or peer pressure will get the best of them," they add in the caption. "There will come a day when they climb too high, or wander too far. There will come a day where they’re exposed to sharp things. The day will always come. And the ones who have been shown safe boundaries and empowered with the skills will be more equipped to handle these situations *safely*."

They go on to share that their goal is to do the opposite of shelter their kids to promote safety. "Exposing kids to risk is *safer* than sheltering kids from risks," the in-video caption reads. "A child who has been taught how to handle a knife, light a fire, given tools trusted to follow directions, and trusted to handle situations *safely* is less likely to get hurt than children sheltered from those risks."

Many viewers agreed with their parenting theory in the comment section. "The lack of risk in children's play and day to day life has had a profound effect on society. Raise kids to know how to handle dangerous situations!" one wrote. Another said, "Age appropriate and supervised. Life skills are important. Raising competent and confident people is a parent’s job."

Other parents shared how they have instilled the same philosophy in their children. "My 3-year old can successfully make scrambled eggs on her own with supervision. She knows all about the importance of not touching hot pans and stove tops. It's so important to expose kids to this stuff and teach them how to handle it 🙌🏽," one wrote.

Another added, "Amen. 🙌 I also think if kids are shown how to do things safely then there is less attraction for them to do those things on their own without permission or guidance, which would be less safe. My daughter just turned 3 and has her own kitchen knives. They’re not very sharp, but she’s learning how to use them safely."

Another viewer shared, "When I allow my child to do something risky around me and I hear people saying not to allow her to do it or to be careful. I say this, my child will do this at some point around me or not, so I'd rather her experience, learn, and get familiar with me around first."