Upworthy's book GOOD PEOPLE, now available - take a look!

Shop
 Explore 

parenting advice

Parenting

Mom sparks debate when she says she no longer brings snacks and water when out with her 3-year-old

The teachers loved the idea. Not all the parents were convinced.

Canva Photos

A mom went viral for explaining why she won't bring snacks and water on short outings with her 3-year-old

It's a struggle all parents run into eventually. It becomes too much, and far too annoying, to be responsible for every aspect of your children's lives and well-being. At some point, they need to start taking ownership over the things that are important to them. When they hit the age where they begin to really care about what they wear? They better be involved in doing their own laundry! Got soccer practice? Better remember to get dressed and pack your bag before it's time to go.

Mom and dad can't be the only ones keeping everyone on track 24/7. But, of course, this is a battle that's fought both in our homes and in American culture at large. Kids are less independent now than the were in previous generations. Fewer kids walk to school or play outside unsupervised. And some say that it shows.

One mom is using a "harsh" parenting technique to instill this kind of independence in her kids from an early age.

moms, mothers, parenting, kids, toddlers, babies, consequences, punishment, psychology Some argue that kids need tough love from an early age to learn independence and responsibility. Photo by Gabe Pierce on Unsplash

Chelsea, a professor and homesteader, recently took to TikTok to share some words of wisdom that have helped her in raising her 1- and 3-year-olds without collapsing from constant overwhelm.

"I don't know who needs to hear this but if you have little kids, you have to try one of my favorite recent parenting techniques," she says in the selfie-style video. "This might sound a little crazy or a little crude, but i promise if you listen, I will explain how this has added so much value."

She begins by offering an example of a scenario most parents can relate to.

"The other day we were driving in the car and from the backseat [my 3-year-old] calls 'Mom, I'm hungry!' My response to her when she said she was hungry was 'Oh, did you bring a snack?'"

The essence of Chelsea's independence technique is that she no longer brings snacks, water, or entertainment like books and games on short trips out with her kids. Instead, she pushes them to remember to bring what they need.

"I know, this sounds a little harsh. I promise, I'm not letting them go hungry, I'm not letting them go thirsty," Chelsea says. "They are very hydrated, well fed kids. This is used in very specific scenarios. But what this does is it puts a little bit of the responsibility and the ownership on them."

"Number one, it helps her understand that she has to take some responsibility in bringing something [she needs.]" Though, the mom of two adds that she helps remind her daughter before they leave the house to make sure she has everything she needs.

"I'm helping her prepare, but i'm also teaching her a little bit of a natural consequence. Because if she doesn't bring her water or her snack, then her natural consequence is she doesn't get snack."

After using this technique for a while, Chelsea notices that her daughter will remember on her own far more often. And if she does forget, mom's often got her back. Chelsea states that if her daughter forgets her water and mom just so happens to have one for her, her daughter is incredibly grateful and appreciative. I think all parents would like more of that sentiment from their kids!

Watch the whole clip here:

@sunny_acres_regen_farm
My small contribution to making the next generation less entitled #mom #toddlermom #toddlers #parenting #homestead

The video racked up over 400,000 views and left parents, teachers, and other commenters extremely divided.

Some loved the idea. Teachers, especially, were keen on the idea of kids coming into their classrooms having learned more responsibility and independence at home from a young age:

"I’m a teacher and this will help your children so much. A lot of kids don’t know how to solve problems or take responsibility"

"I’m a kindergarten teacher and I approve this message"

"As a teacher, thank you. I can tell asap when a child had never been responsible for a single thing in their life. Then they get to kinder and are lost bc someone has always done everything for them"

Teachers have a great perspective because they see and work closely with so many kids. They're really plugged in to bigger trends and concerns that affect the entire age group and not just one single kid or family. So when they say kids need to learn more independence early, it's usually a good idea to listen.

Some commenters chimed in that they, themselves, were raised this way, or had used similar approaches successfully with their own kids:

"Seriously, I don’t remember being offered snacks and drinks constantly or having them always around anywhere all the time. If we were out and about a lot of times I had to wait (within reason)"

"I did this with my now adult children. My youngest (18) is constantly shocked by his friends who aren’t like him and his siblings."

Some people, however, had concerns with whether this technique was age-appropriate for a toddler:

moms, mothers, parenting, kids, toddlers, babies, consequences, punishment, psychology It can be tough for toddlers to think ahead about the future consequences of their behavior.Giphy

"my boomer mom said things like this and it created a lot of anxiety that I had to remember to take care of myself and I felt abandoned"

"I dont like this at all! Why should a THREE year old need to be concerned with bringing her own water?"

"a good technique for older kids but i think your kids are too young so it's not a developmentally appropriate expectation"

"A more age appropriate way would be have her help you pack her bag."

These commenters are right in that natural consequences is a very effective parenting technique, but it can also be fraught. There's a fine line between teaching kids responsibility and making them feel like no one is looking out for them. 3-years-old is a really tricky age for this kind of parenting. Toddlers can understand immediate cause-and-effect relationships, but have trouble linking their actions with future consequences. So while there's nothing wrong with introducing concepts of consequences, independence, and responsibility to kids 3 and under, it's important to keep expectations in line with what's age-appropriate.

It sounds like Chelsea's got a good handle on the right balance, but in less-careful hands this kind of approach could be a disaster.

From Your Site Articles

parenting

Parenting

George Lucas finally explains why Yoda talks so weird and it just might help parents

Parents may want to take notes.

Photo by Kevin Payravi via Wikimedia and Takashi Toyooka via Flickr

The way Yoda talks could be an excellent tool for parents.

Parenting is certainly an interesting gig at times, but most parents likely never thought Yoda would be modeling child-rearing behavior. The little green guy that speaks in what sometimes feels like riddles was written like that purposely according to George Lucas—and it's something parents might want to take note of. Lucas, the man behind the Star Wars franchise was recently interviewed at the TCM Classic Film Festival's screening of The Empire Strikes Back for the film's 45th anniversary.

Longtime TCM host Ben Mankiewicz was the moderator of the event and finally got to ask a question that has been on people's minds for years: Why on earth did that little green Jedi master talk backwards?

Star Wars, Muppets, Frank Oz, social issues, gender roles Yoda is/was strong with the "Force." Photo by Riku Lu on Unsplash

The short story is, because Lucas wanted him to. The longer version (that fans actually wanted to know) is that Yoda's way of speaking is almost a Jedi move in itself. His speech is a psychological trick that can benefit parents who have children who struggle with listening—especially preteens.

Lucas explained, "Because if you speak regular English, people won’t listen that much. But if he had an accent, or it’s really hard to understand what he’s saying, they focus on what he’s saying. He was basically the philosopher of the movie." He continued, “I had to figure out a way to get people to actually listen—especially 12-year-olds.”

This is a tactic that some parents have used whether knowingly or not—and there's science behind it. For example, parents change their speech to a whisper when reprimanding their children in public settings to get their attention and correct unwanted behavior. Turns out this technique may also be beneficial inside the home as well.

According to The Wichita Eaglein 2008, "Wichita State audiology professor Ray Hull would say the children heard something unusual and irresistible: an adult they can understand. Because the trick to get children to listen to really hear and comprehend, whether they're toddlers or high school students isn't speaking up, Hull says. It's slowing down. According to Hull, the average adult speaks at a rate of almost 170 words per minute. But the average 5- to 7- year-old processes speech at a rate of only 120 words per minute. The gap between what a child hears and what he or she understands can appear to parents and teachers as inattention, confusion or outright defiance."

gif, star wars, speech, talking, language, children the empire strikes back GIF by Star WarsGiphy

In 2013, the International Journal of Speech-Language Pathology researched the affects of rate of speech on comprehension abilities of typically developing school-aged children in Sweden. While the sample size was small, just 102 children, researchers were able to show that when children were spoken to in normal, slow, and fast rates of speech, the children were much more likely to comprehend the information given at the slow rate of speech.

Slowing things down is exactly what Mister Rogers did. According to Hull, the late children's show host spoke at a rate of 124 words per minute, which seemed to be the key in captivating his young audience. But speaking slowly isn't always enough. Parenting experts explain that parents should get down on the child's level and make eye contact before speaking. For older kids, gaining their attention by calling their name, moving closer to them, or placing a hand on their shoulder before speaking slowly will aid in getting them to hear the words coming out of your mouth. These techniques also work for children that have auditory processing disorder according to Nemours Kids Health.

yoda, grogu, star wars, speech, talk, slow speech Sipping Tea Time GIFGiphy

Of course, Yoda isn't parenting real human children, but the way he speaks captures the attention of audience members young and old. But if you don't want to slow down and speak backwards, speaking at a lower volume may also do the trick.

"If someone starts speaking really loud or yelling at you, your immediate response is usually fight or flight. You just want to get away from them. Our children are no different. So when we get louder, they listen less. On the other hand, the more softly a person speaks, the more closely everybody else listens to them. We want to hear what we might be missing out on! And unless your child has a genuine physical ailment that affects their ability to hear, they will respond in the same way," parenting expert and author Dr Justin Coulson writes for Happy Families Australia.

Lucas likely didn't set out to give some solid parenting advice when explaining why he made Yoda speak in such a strange manner, but surely there's a parent out there who just may want to give this method a try.

From Your Site Articles

parenting advice

Family

'It costs you nothing'—mom has epic response to backlash for cleaning her teen's bedroom.

Several people accused her of spoiling her kid. She thought otherwise.

@organizedchaos4/TikTok

"It costs you nothing, and it creates this ripple effect of kindness."

The corner of the internet devoted to grime and muck being scrubbed away to oh-so satisfying perfection, otherwise known as #CleanTok, is mostly wholesome, cathartic fun. But every once in a while, controversy comes in. For a mom named Audrey (who clearly has a passion for cleaning hacks, given her TikTok handle of @organizedchaos4), that moment came after she filmed herself doing a deep clean on her 12-year-old daughter’s room. Several people chimed in to accuse her of spoiling her kid, more or less.

Granted, Audrey admitted that she had posted the video “hoping that the trolls would get those thumbs a-movin’.” So when they did indeed come after her, she was ready. “I surprised my daughter by cleaning her room for her. She's been getting herself up for 6 a.m. practices, she gets herself to school, she's out of the house before the rest of us have even woken up,” Audrey says in the clip.

“Keep in mind she's 12. In return for all that she's been doing, I thought it would be a nice treat if I just did a quick speed clean of her room. It was no big deal.”

Audrey goes on to say that the point of her follow-up video was to reiterate the importance of “extending grace.”

Watch on TikTok

"That's what I did for my daughter. She had fallen behind on her room and I helped her,” she says. “It costs you nothing, and it creates this ripple effect of kindness. We all have setbacks, we all have failures, we all make mistakes and if you say you don't you're lying. By extending grace we are spreading kindness, we are spreading compassion. If you can't extend grace to your own children then there's no way you're going to extend it to anyone else in the world and that's a scary world to live in.”

Audrey then argues that being kind to others often makes it “easier” to be kind to ourselves, which is “vital for our mental health.”

She then concludes, “so if you watched the video yesterday or you're watching this one today and you're thinking negative thoughts, ask yourself, ‘Am I quick to judge, be resentful, be negative or am I quick to extend grace or ask yourself have I ever stumbled and wish grace had been extended to me?’”

Down in the comments, we see that Audrey is certainly not alone in her thinking.

“Kindness costs nothing and provides everything,” one person wrote.

“This will only inspire your daughter to keep working hard and give back when she has a chance to, and know she can rely on you when she struggles,” added another.

Several other moms even chimed in about doing something similar for their kids.

“Exactly I did the same thing for my 23-year-old daughter who works full-time and is a full-time college student. She’s 100% independent. I just want to take some off stress off her plate,” one mom shared

Another said, “I do this for my daughter still, and it's her house.”

As with all things in parenting, balance is key. Of course we don’t want to instill laziness, but at the same time, kids can’t be expected to overachieve in all areas, at all times. Adults can’t even manage this without a little help. Sounds like this is truly a case of a good kid acting as responsibly as humanly possible, and a mom just wanting to help out where she can, all why'll teaching her the world can be a safe place. Hard to see anything wrong with that.

Cleary, none of the negative comments have dissuaded Audrey from taking care of her daughter this way. In fact, in one video, she mentions that, due to her love language being "acts of service," she actually enjoys doing it.

And for those of us adults without a parent to help clean, Audrey has some pretty great organizational tips on her TikTok for you to peruse.

This article originally appeared last year.

From Your Site Articles

kids

Joy

25 ways parents have proven that simple acts of love speak volumes for kids

No grand gestures here. Just pure love.

Photo credit: Canva

Two parents kissing their child.

Parenting isn’t about crafting Instagram-worthy lunches, throwing extravagant birthday parties, or any other grandiose gestures. Sure, it can contain some of those things, but in truth, it’s about providing presence, consistency, support, healthy structure, and encouragement.

In fact, some of the best parenting moments—the ones that last with kids forever—don’t cost a dime. That’s certainly the sentiment behind one recent online conversation in which folks were asked to share simple things their parents did that “made them feel loved.”

Whether it involved physically showing up to meaningful events, infusing joy into the mundane, offering a shoulder to cry on, or setting a positive example, the moving stories all show that love manifests itself in various ways.

parents, parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, childhood, nostalgia, modern parenting, parenting resources media1.giphy.com

We all know that kids need stability. So, it’s no wonder that for many folks in the thread, physically showing up to things both big and small held the most weight.

“Either one of my parents tucked me into bed every single night and told me they love me, until I was a teen. Meant the world to me now I think back. Will definitely be doing this when my little one goes into his own room.”

“My dad showed up to everything. Every. Single. Thing. Spelling bee, Girl Scouts, cheerleading. When my cheer games overlapped with Buckeye games, he brought his Walkman to listen to the game while he watched me cheer. He did the Girl Scout camp outs with us. I’m 33 and I know that if I called him right this second to say I needed him, he’d be here immediately.”

parents, parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, childhood, nostalgia, modern parenting, parenting resources A dad holding up their kid at a soccer gamePhoto credit: Canva

“My dad was a very early riser and every Saturday morning he’d go to the grocery store just to get me a maple frosted donut so it would be there when I woke up.”

“My mom was at EVERY game, recital, musical, or other event I was a part of. She volunteered in our classrooms at school, on field trips, or behind the scenes in the productions I was in. She was always working too, but she did everything she could to be there for my extracurriculars and that meant so much.”

Quite a few also recalled how their parents were able to take ordinary things—movie nights, yummy meals, reading stories—and make them feel magical and meaningful.

“We had movie nights on Fridays. We were pretty poor but every Friday, we’d go to little Cesar’s down the road and get a $5 pizza. Then we’d go to the dollar store and get to pick out our favorite $1 candy. We’d go home, watch the movie with our pizza and candy, and then have a camp out in the living room. My brothers and I would fight over who got the couch and who got the hand-me-down recliners haha. We’d also drag out all of our mattresses and sleep in the living room on Christmas Eve. My dad made sure to read us a story every night for years. We’d ride our bikes to the library on Saturday afternoons if he wasn’t working and pick our bedtime stories for the week.”

parents, parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, childhood, nostalgia, modern parenting, parenting resources Family movie night.Photo credit: Canva

“When one of us had a special achievement, we got to use the red plate. We also got to choose what we wanted to eat for dinner that night. It was used for birthdays, awards, reaching goals.. all kinds of stuff. It was a small thing, but also a cool way to celebrate each other’s wins. If you google “the red plate” you can see what a red plate looks like.”

“Ever since I could remember, my dad told me beautiful bedtime stories where I was the main character, and he prompted me to add to the story, keeping things interesting. It helped build our communication and grow my imagination.

“Spaghetti was ready to serve with table set, right as I got home from track practice. The sunsetting rays would come through the windows and I could see the steam coming off food, table set beautifully. This was such a treat as a young teenager, I can replay this scene in my head clear as day. The feeling of emptiness being filled with that warm homemade, healthy meal – yeah, that’s love.”

parents, parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, childhood, nostalgia, modern parenting, parenting resources A family enjoying spaghettiPhoto credit: Canva

“I was raised by my grandparents so they were limited in terms of mobility. However my Gma would always throw such fun birthday parties for me. She’d call the parents of the kids I wanted over, schedule having them meet with her & then on my bday they’d arrive & we’d go to a movie, then Chuck E. cheese, then a sleepover with her homemade cake & staying up as late as we wanted. I can’t wait to be this sort of home when my girls start school 🌟.”

“My parents were able to take me on vacations to most of the national parks near us (we were located in the Midwest). These were NOT fancy trips, we had a cheap pull behind style camper and all food was made on the road (sandwiches, soup, hot dogs etc.) Both my parents were very frugal and we spent very little, but I have the most amazing love and appreciation for nature now.”

“Saturday night treats – every Saturday we’d watch Saturday night tv together as a family, with duvets, lots of snacks like sweets/candy, popcorn, etc, and we could stay up later than usual. It was a fun way to spend quality time together as a family.”

“My mum would read stories to us at night in dim lamp light before bedtime. It was years before I realized she was making up stories as she was reading from a child dictionary. She would also bring us to the library. I felt good because of the effort she put. It also got me into reading. She also made crafts – sat at a low table with us and painted clay objects she made for our dolls. I appreciated the time she spent on this.”

parents, parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, childhood, nostalgia, modern parenting, parenting resources A mom reading a bedtime storyPhoto credit: Canva

There were also many fond memories of parents who found simple ways to make their kids feel seen, valued, and celebrated, whether it be through sweet notes, special personal days, or just using their name in unique ways. And for what it’s worth, these acts of love didn’t only happen in childhood either.

“My mom pulled us out of school one day a year to have a special day with her. She took us out to lunch wherever we wanted to go and then did whatever we wanted to do. Usually i wanted to go shopping and made her wait til after my birthday to have my day because i got birthday money from relatives and i wanted to spend it.”

“My mom would leave sweet notes in our lunches. Not every day but I remember oftentimes getting ‘Happy Friday!’ or ‘Good luck on your game today!’ type of notes. I’m tearing up just thinking about it.”

“My dad would take us out to the local airport and we'd have a picnic in the grass just outside the fence and watch the planes take off. He'd tell us what kind they were and stories about them.”

“One simple thing was whenever my dad ordered food, like from a fast food restaurant, he would always give them my name for the order. I felt so special and grown up to have my name called for the food.”

“My husband and I separated for a little while, three months, and the first two weeks were the hardest. I was so emotional, didn’t eat for a week straight, kept crying, didn’t wanna get out of bed, read constantly just to escape… I was 28.. and my dad bought me little chocolate cake with my name on it just cause he knew I love chocolate cake and he thought it would make me happy 💚🥺.”

Having parents who were emotionally available, could take accountability for their mistakes, and made necessary changes in order to strengthen the bonds to the kids, seemed to make a lasting impact.

“Honestly as an adult, my mom went to therapy when I asked her to. She made significant growth over the last few ways and it’s allowed us to repair and deepen our relationship in a way I would have never imagined. It shows so much love and effort that at 60 she has learned how to take accountability and change how she treats us. It is my ongoing goal to always be willing to apologize to/listen to my kids.”

parents, parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, childhood, nostalgia, modern parenting, parenting resources A woman in therapyPhoto credit: Canva

“My dad was never afraid to apologize. When I was about 8, I remember getting Big Red all over his car because I was pouring it out the window and watching it fly. I didn’t realize it was getting all over the car (and probably other cars). We had just left the car wash. When we got home he freaked out and yelled and screamed. I got the car wash stuff out of the garage and just sat and cried for a bit. Then he came out and sat with me and said that dad’s mess up too sometimes. He said he understood I was just being curious and did not mean it and he wished he had explained his frustration in a calmer way. He hugged me and helped me wash the car again. I remember that he said mean things, but not what he said before the apology. I remember just about every word of that apology though. I think that one sticks out because that was the maddest he had been at me up to that point…maybe ever. There were a few other stand out ones, some were even funny, but he always used them as a time to reconnect and really make sure we knew he loved us and respected us.”

“As I was falling asleep, my mom would get up to leave and I’d reach out the her… she always quietly sat back down and continued waiting. It made me feel loved and safe. She died when I was young. Just knowing she always chose me was a gift. She also was always the first person to tell me happy birthday first thing in the morning before anyone else.”

parents, parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, childhood, nostalgia, modern parenting, parenting resources A mother watching her child sleepPhoto credit: Canva

“My granny would always feed me unprompted. I would be relaxing watching TV and here she came with fresh cut fruit or a glass of sweet tea. It felt good knowing she was thinking of me. She also would always say “Penny for your thoughts” and I always felt open to sharing with her.. I miss her so much nobody ever loved me like Geneva.”

Lastly, many stories of great parenting involved providing a safe space for their kids. Not only protection from physical harm, but an emotional sanctuary as well.

“I was bullied a lot as a kid and as I got older my dad adjusted his work schedule so he could come home early every day and spend time with me after school. He even rejected a promotion knowing it would mean less family time. We’d go to the dollar movie night, take the dog to the park, or he’d get me an Oreo milkshake and a used CD for $6. The ;things' didn’t matter, but the conversation and support did. He made me feel like someone actually enjoyed spending time with me or wanted to hear my opinions and interests when I was most alone. A lot of experts say parents shouldn’t be friends with their kids, but honestly he was the only friend I had for years and I probably wouldn’t be alive today if he hadn’t shown that kind of interest.”

parents, parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, childhood, nostalgia, modern parenting, parenting resources A father holding his daughterPhoto credit: Canva

“When I started driving and borrowing my mom’s car to go to parties, she told me, 'If you ever can’t drive for any reason, including drinking, call me; I don’t care how late it is. I won’t give you a hard time when I come get you, and we can talk about whatever it is later. But I’d much rather you be safe and alive than feel like you have to hide something from me and do something dangerous.' I actually never ended up needing the offer, but I definitely felt much safer knowing I had an ace in my pocket.”

“One that sticks with me was my dad saying this to me over the years: 'No matter where you are or what happens, if you need me, call me and nothing will keep me away.' He kept his promise till the day he died, and I miss him every day. My mum is awesome too, she was genuinely my best friend growing up, she was always up for a game or a story, I’ve been really lucky.”

“My dad would just hug me while I fell apart & cried. He did it until I’d stop. Happy to do the same with my kiddos.”

Next time you’re wondering if you’re doing enough as a parent, let this be a reminder that love is powerful, now matter how you show it.

From Your Site Articles

family

Motherhood

Moms with adult daughters who call them everyday share their best parenting tips

"I’m raising a future best friend, not just a daughter."

Photo by leah hetteberg on Unsplash

Mom with adult daughters.

Mother-daughter relationships are a bond like no other. For many girl moms, one of the markers of a parenting job well-done is when your adult daughters want to call you everyday.

It's something TikToker @coobellaa hopes will happen. So, she decided to ask her followers for parenting advice–specifically from 'girl moms' who have adult daughters who call them everyday. Her goal: to get their advice on how to keep her relationship with her daughter strong as she grows up, with hopes she will want to call her everyday when she's out on her own.

"Because I’m raising a future best friend, not just a daughter. Girl moms with grown daughters.. what’s your secret to staying close? 🥹🙏🏼💞," she captioned the post.

@coobellaa
Because I’m raising a future best friend, not just a daughter. Girl moms with grown daughters.. what’s your secret to staying close? 🥹🙏🏼💞 #mom #girlmom #momtips

In the video, @coobellaa is getting ready with her young daughter in the mirror. Within the video, she added the caption, "GIRL MOMS with daughters over 20 who still call you everyday...what's something you did while raising them that kept your bond strong?

Moms did not hold back. They opened up about the specific things that have helped them maintain a strong relationship with their adult daughters. These are 18 of the best insights:

1. "Physical affection. I made it a habit to give my kids a snuggle as soon as they woke up and before bed. It kept us connected even through the teen years."

mom, daughter, hug, affection, physical touch Mama Said Love GIF by OriginalsGiphy

2. "My daughter is 34, she’s my best friend. I always believed her, I never judged, I gave tons of affection, and we did it together. I was a young Mom, and now a Gigi of 5. I always want more for her ♥️."

3. "Honestly I just made sure I gave them a place of love and no judgement. They knew I was the mom and not their friend but they also knew I could handle the truth better than a lie so lies were[n't] needed."

4. "Be honest, admit to my mistake and try to 'suggest' things once they became adults. I feel like teaching them to trust themselves, their ideas and consequences while at home was the best. I was there."

5. "I laid down with my daughter every night at bedtime and we talked about her day, well into her teens. Sometimes it was boring but I knew someday she may need something important so I always listened."

mom, bedtime, daughter, mom and daughter, listening hallmark hall of fame mother daughter GIF by Hallmark ChannelGiphy

6. "I let them say their truth and didn't try to change it even if it made me look bad I just had to change it this made me cry."

7. "I didn't have all of the answers. I never pretended to. I apologized often and tried to speak about differences when emotions weren't high."

8. "Be real and raw it’s okay to show vulnerability and always say sorry when you don’t hit the mark. Thank them when they show kindness empathy etc. See the best in them and reflect that back to them."

9. "Be honest (age appropriate), allow them to make their own mistakes, tell them that you are learning and make a safe space for them to tell you when you do something wrong and to take accountability ❤️."

safe space, parenting, moms, daughters, parents you're safe here season 4 GIF by PortlandiaGiphy

10. "Two things: first, we have 'the bubble'. You can say anything, swear, vent, confess to wrongdoing, etc w/o fear of punishment. It’s a safe space. Sometimes you just need to have a place to 'get it all out”'. Second, every time my daughter comes to me with anything my first response is 'do you need advice or do you need me to just listen?'"

11. "Don’t react… when they come to you with something unhinged as a teen, don’t let your face or words react in that moment! Gather yourself and have the convo HOURS later, no matter what it is!!"

12. "I show grace. I apologize. I’m transparent. I tell them I love them 100 times a day. I’m honest but kind. I’m their biggest supporter. They know I’ll always be here."

13. "'If it's important to you, it's important to me'."

important, family, moms, daughters, bonds Busy Philipps Tonight GIF by E!Giphy

14. "I always tell my daughter (who is 20) that we can sort out all problems together, big or small. Said that to her since she was little and she tells me absolutely everything. she's like my little sis🖤."

15. "My daughter is 22 and we are best friends! Always making time for 'girl time' quality time together. Knowing who she is and always having a safe place to come home to or a sounding board."

16. "I genuinely loved spending time with her, set boundaries but was always open with communication."

mom, daughter, selfie, gif, moms and daughters, parenting GIF by Better ThingsGiphy

17. "The fact they knew I’d be there no matter what, I was their mum not their friend but that nothing couldn’t be sorted. Now as adults I’m a friend as well a mum."

18. "I make sure she knows she’s loved no matter the situation. Even if it’s bad. I want the total honest truth. I believe she truly does trust me entirely! She calls me all the time!"

From Your Site Articles

call mom

Parenting

Parents share why it's better for children to face danger than to be raised sheltered

"There will come a day when you’re not around and curiosity or peer pressure will get the best of them."

Photo by Derek Owens on Unsplash

Parents share 'unpopular opinion' on letting kids take risks and experience danger.

Parents are theirs kids' protectors. Keeping kids safe while also teaching and exposing them to some of life's hardest lessons is a delicate balance.

Parents Andy and Aza (@raisingwellskids) have decided to raise their two kids with a more unconventional parenting idea: they believe that by allowing their kids to be exposed to more risks and danger, it will keep them safe in the long run. It's an 'unpopular opinion' they explain will benefit their kids and others, and they decided to share more about it in an insightful Instagram post.

In the video, one of their kids is lighting a fire on his own without any parental assistance. "Unpopular opinion but equipping kids with the tools, resources and confidence to handle these things is safer than sheltering kids from all possible dangers," they captioned the post.

See on Instagram

In the video, they explain that this way of parenting allows their kids more autonomy, experience, and freedom. In turn, it encourages their kids to make wiser decisions on their own.

"Because there will come a day when you’re not around and curiosity or peer pressure will get the best of them," they add in the caption. "There will come a day when they climb too high, or wander too far. There will come a day where they’re exposed to sharp things. The day will always come. And the ones who have been shown safe boundaries and empowered with the skills will be more equipped to handle these situations *safely*."

See on Instagram

They go on to share that their goal is to do the opposite of shelter their kids to promote safety. "Exposing kids to risk is *safer* than sheltering kids from risks," the in-video caption reads. "A child who has been taught how to handle a knife, light a fire, given tools trusted to follow directions, and trusted to handle situations *safely* is less likely to get hurt than children sheltered from those risks."

Many viewers agreed with their parenting theory in the comment section. "The lack of risk in children's play and day to day life has had a profound effect on society. Raise kids to know how to handle dangerous situations!" one wrote. Another said, "Age appropriate and supervised. Life skills are important. Raising competent and confident people is a parent’s job."

See on Instagram

Other parents shared how they have instilled the same philosophy in their children. "My 3-year old can successfully make scrambled eggs on her own with supervision. She knows all about the importance of not touching hot pans and stove tops. It's so important to expose kids to this stuff and teach them how to handle it 🙌🏽," one wrote.

Another added, "Amen. 🙌 I also think if kids are shown how to do things safely then there is less attraction for them to do those things on their own without permission or guidance, which would be less safe. My daughter just turned 3 and has her own kitchen knives. They’re not very sharp, but she’s learning how to use them safely."

Another viewer shared, "When I allow my child to do something risky around me and I hear people saying not to allow her to do it or to be careful. I say this, my child will do this at some point around me or not, so I'd rather her experience, learn, and get familiar with me around first."

From Your Site Articles

risk

We have a small favor to ask of you

parenting advice

The teachers loved the idea. Not all the parents were convinced.

Parents may want to take notes.

Several people accused her of spoiling her kid. She thought otherwise.

No grand gestures here. Just pure love.

We all know that kids need stability. So, it’s no wonder that for many folks in the thread, physically showing up to things both big and small held the most weight.

Quite a few also recalled how their parents were able to take ordinary things—movie nights, yummy meals, reading stories—and make them feel magical and meaningful.

Having parents who were emotionally available, could take accountability for their mistakes, and made necessary changes in order to strengthen the bonds to the kids, seemed to make a lasting impact.

"I’m raising a future best friend, not just a daughter."

"Trying 'tear free' baby shampoos to see if our babies are being dramatic."

"There will come a day when you’re not around and curiosity or peer pressure will get the best of them."