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Mental Health

Guy's brutally honest breakup text goes viral and reminds everyone that 'ghosting' isn't cool

This is the ideal example of how to let someone down easy.

via Shuttershock

Ghosting just isn't okay.

All too often, people leave a date with no idea how the other person feels about them. And if you're not into the other person, it can be stressful trying to gauge how they feel about the situation and ultimately what you should do moving forward.

Should you go ahead and have another date to see if something blossoms? Will it come across as presumptuous to let them down? If they're not into you either, will they make you feel stupid for laying out the reasons you don't want to go out again? Or is it leading someone on to stay mum about the lack of connection?

While there's no easy way to navigate letting a date down, avoiding these awkward conversations oftentimes results in the awful trend of ghosting, which leaves one person completely in the emotional lurch.

Ghosting may sound harmless at first, but it's actually a harmful (and totally lame) way to treat another person. It's especially gross when you consider that this other person is someone you invested time in and who invested time in you. Even if there was no spark or connection on one end, ghosting is essentially like throwing the other person away and acting as if they don't matter. There are many reasons why someone might ghost, but when you poke at them enough, they really don't hold any water. In an article for Psychology Today, Janneke M. Schokkenbroek, Ph.D., gives several reasons for why people ghost. Number one? Convenience.

ghosting, ghosted, dating, relationships, communication I Love You Lol GIF by LifetimeGiphy

Sure, it may be convenient to walk away from a situation and pretend it no longer exists, but this bit of convenience can be extremely damaging for the person on the receiving end. In fact, a lot of research has come out in the last several years outlining the harmful affects of ghosting on the mental health of both parties. Unfortunately, since ghosting is so common, it's rare to see healthy emotional rejection modeled online. In 2019, though, Reddit user karmabandido's shared a breakup text he sent to his date that quickly went viral for its honesty and clarity.

text, honesty, ghosting, dating, relationships A masterclass is classy dating.Via Reddit

This is an ideal example of how to let someone down easy. He was polite, respectful, and transparent about how feelings, wants, and needs. He didn't ghost her—but he also didn't mince words about the lack of connection.

In return, she was able to reveal that she felt the same way and they were able to avoid further awkward interactions without negging or having to resort to ghosting.

Bottom line: ghosting isn't nice and it isn't cool. Instead, be honest, open, and respectful because it treats other people with dignity. It may be hard, but kindly and clearly saying how you feel is the right thing to do, people appreciate it, and it goes a long way.

modern dating, dating, ghost, ghosting, ghosted, communication A little respect goes a long way.Image via Canva

This article was originally published six years ago. It has been updated.

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Health

People rally behind man who walked out on his first date after getting yelled at

"Just because you can handle something doesn't mean you have to."

@solodolobcyolo/TikTok

A man recalls leaving a first date after getting yelled at.

When going out on a first date, we generally try to give people the benefit of the doubt. However, it can be pretty clear early on when someone just isn’t a right fit. At that point, do we continue on with said date, or do we let politeness be damned and move on with our lives then and there?

For an artist who goes by the name of Solo Dolo, the choice was a no-brainer.

Solo, who regularly posts content about relationships, recalled a recent brunch date he had been on, with a person who asked him to describe his "ideal partner.”

"In my experience, I think people try to fit the mold of what I'm looking for and make themselves seem ideal, and that has led to toxic relationships or just discomfort,” he said in the video. So his response to them was, “I'm looking for someone who is happy with who they are. If it works, it works. If not, that's okay."

@solodolobcyolo Like I’ll just go. Doesn’t matter who. Doesn’t matter when. If you’re doin this, I’m gunna let you do it by yourself lol
♬ original sound - SoloDoloBcYolo

That, apparently, was reason enough for his date to slam the table with their fist and exclaim “NOT EVERYONE IS MANIPULATIVE.”

Immediately, Solo knew this date (and the potential relationship) was “not gonna be effective,” because “if that’s the way you’re gonna express yourself as an adult, in public, nothing good is about to happen.” So once the “tantrum” was over, he politely told his date that he would be leaving. This was all before he was able to order a cup of coffee.

In an interview with PEOPLE, Solo shared that his video was not meant to be mean-spirited, but rather encourage others to act when they see red flags.

"I made the TikTok video not to judge that person but more so to say if you're ever in a situation that you're not comfortable in, just remember you don't have to be there. You just don't. Just because you can handle something doesn't mean you have to, like life is too short. You don't have to be there if you don't want to be," he said.

@solodolobcyolo I think im realizing that there are more people who are kinda disorganized and reactive than those who are organized and proactive (like me lol)
♬ original sound - SoloDoloBcYolo

Viewers unanimously agreed that Solo did in fact make the right decision, and were on board with his stance overall.

“Normalize leaving at the first sign of a red flag,” one person wrote.

Another said, “If they’re yelling at you in a restaurant on a first date, imagine what a nightmare they are in private after a few years when the real conflict arises."

There are plenty of scenarios in which a meh, or even bad date can turn into a worthy romance. But on the flipside, as in this case, when there is a clear, distinctive omen that something’s not right, people have every right to maintain their wellbeing…even if that means removing themselves from a situation entirely. Let’s not keep ourselves stuck in something that doesn’t serve us.

bad first dates, red flags, dating, bumble, hinge, tinder "Living a peaceful life, ironically, is really hard."Photo credit: Canva

As Solo told PEOPLE,, "My favorite thing to say right now is, 'Living a peaceful life, ironically, is really hard.'…It's so intentional. Every day, every moment you're challenged, you have to choose peace. It's really hard."

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Wellness

I was a Gen X-er going through heartbreak. A Gen Z friend gave me some great healing advice.

It's time to start paying attention to our Gen Z friends.

Photo by Dominic Sansotta on Unsplash

Two woman walking on seashore

Heartbreak is an equal opportunity offender, no matter your age, race, or sexual orientation. But as each generation evolves, new coping mechanisms are learned, thanks in part to online wisdom. So when I, a woman born in the '70s with slacker tendencies and very few roadmaps to relationships, was going through a particularly difficult breakup, one 27-year-old buddy, Kev, gave me life-changing tips. Now when all that ghosting, gaslighting, and whatever the kids are doing these days occurs, I know just what to do.

LEARN TO LOVE THE BLOCK FEATURE

Text Chat GIF by IlizaGiphy

When I was first learning how to be dumped, we didn't have any statement features like "unfriend," "unfollow," and "block." The most we could do was just stop going to the same bar our ex went to and hope for the best. Now, Kev reminds me, we can take action to help alleviate future pain, and that is to cut off contact.

Now, that doesn't mean everyone who ever does you wrong should lose all access. It's, of course, a spectrum and relationship-dependent. But he told me, "When he texts you again—and he will text you again—let his heart sink when he sees that little blue bubble turn green."

I innocently asked, "What if he wants to get back together?" To which Kev replied, "He's gonna have to work harder than just sending you a meme. Plus, unfollowing and blocking will give you time to decide if YOU even miss HIM."

DELETE, DELETE, DELETE

Giphy

This issue is far from generational, but letting go has never been a forte of mine. That, mixed with my "somewhat" obsessive tendencies, has led to hours, maybe months, of combing through old texts and voicemails, trying to decipher just where it all went wrong. Kev says, "Delete and never look back."

"Don't even let yourself have the chance to stare at your old inside jokes. They're in the past now. And you're a shark, always swimming forward."

I tried to ask, even the sexy late-night texts? "Especially those, girl. Byeeee."

FAKE IT TILL YOU'RE OVER IT

table dance GIFGiphy

Back in the '90s, a guy would dump me, and my only reprieve was singing "I Will Survive" at karaoke. Usually to him and whatever lucky lady he landed on next. Sure, after a bunch of lemon-drop shots, it felt cathartic at the time. But Kev implored me that the worst thing you could do is show them your pain. "There's nothing to be ashamed of when you're sad, hurt, or angry. But unload that stuff on your friends or therapist. Because there's nothing sexier than seeming like you've moved on!"

SUMMON YOUR INNER BADASS

Super 8 Good Luck GIF by JessGiphy

Looking to your favorite musicians for inspiration is a fabulous idea. Whether it's the Gen X legend, Madonna, the millennial guru, Lady Gaga, or the current reigning queen, Chappell Roan, let their music guide you to your best self. (Of course, it doesn't have to be pop stars. It can be rap, heavy metal, or classic rock too, though Kev warns that "Yacht rock might make you too sleepy.")

Kev must have sent me links to at least five Chappell Roan songs. "Listen to 'Good Luck, Babe.' Feel it. Live it."

Then he added, "Go do stuff you don't even feel like doing. Go dancing. Hang with friends. The more you're out of your own head, the faster he'll get out of your head too."

IF YOU MUST RESPOND, MAKE IT NONSENSICAL

Hot Dog Dogs GIFGiphy

Perhaps my favorite piece of Gen Z advice? If all else fails, confuse them. Let's say you couldn't bring yourself to actually block the ex, and eventually, they text you, "Thinking about you, hope you're okay," or something like that. Kev says, "Respond with a mysterious emoji, like a saxophone or a teacher on a laptop."

"Better yet, send a gif of a baby eating spaghetti or a dachshund on a skateboard. Then you block, and he will forever wonder… wait, what?"

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Joy

What matters more, looks or money? Here's how men and women really judge dating profiles.

There’s a big difference in how men and women evaluate online dating profiles.

via Canva

A man and woman look at online dating profiles.

If you are confused by the world of online dating, a new study gives a fascinating look into how heterosexual men and women evaluate profiles. Unfortunately, the results won’t give you hope that people on online dating apps aren’t superficial, but they show a significant difference in how men and women evaluate profiles.

Knowing how people look at you can be very helpful when writing your profile and choosing which photos to use.

The study, published in Archives of Sexual Behavior, used the latest eye-tracking technology to see what men and women focus on when looking at online dating profiles. The researchers took 20 men and women and recorded their movements with an eye-tracking camera while they viewed online dating profiles.

How do men look at online dating profiles?

Unsurprisingly, the study found that men primarily focus on a woman’s facial attractiveness and spend little time considering her occupation or income level. However, if a woman was unattractive, a man focused on her looks if she had a prestigious job or high earning potential.

“We were surprised to see that men increased their visual attention to nominally unattractive women when their (the women’s) jobs were high-status and high-paying,” Amy Lykins, a lead author of the study and an associate professor in clinical psychology at the University of New England in Maine, told PsyPost. “Normally, uninteresting information (i.e., unattractive faces in this case) wouldn’t attract much attention, but they did appear to attract more attention when the woman also had a good, high-paying job.”

online dating, men and women dating, online dating A couple on a date. via Canva

How do women look at online dating profiles?

The women in the study were much more complex than the men regarding how they looked at dating profiles. Women focused more on a man’s attractiveness after considering his income level and occupation. If a man’s profile showed that he has a lower income or a less prestigious job title, women would focus on his looks a bit longer. “Regardless of how attractive the man was (high or low), women spent more time looking at men’s faces when resources were low than high,” said Amy Lykins

Although the researchers were careful not to draw any conclusions from the results of the study, it appears that women are more generous to men with lower earning potential when they are attractive. The attitude is, “Okay, you don’t have much money, but you’re cute, so maybe we’re a match. Meanwhile, men were more generous towards women who weren't that attractive but had higher-paying jobs. The typical male attitude is, “You’re not as cute as I’d like, but you have a good job, so I guess that’ll work."

online dating, men and women dating, online dating A couple on a date. via Canva

Regarding attractiveness, the study found that both men and women paid a lot more attention to the faces of online daters than their bodies. Eighty-three percent of their time was focused on faces, regardless of whether other body parts were shown.

“We expected this,” Lykins told The Huffington Post. “I’ve found this in other eye-tracking studies I’ve conducted, even where people were barely clothed and/or even nude. People are extremely interested in faces ― even as newborns ― and that’s true for both men and women.”

The study also proved another stereotype about online dating: men are more interested in short-term relationships and women are looking for something more long-term.

The researchers found that the significant difference between how men and women look at online dating profiles is noticeable within a short period. “Within the first 10 seconds of viewing an online profile of a potential relationship partner, we can see differences in the prioritization of different types of information,” Lykins explained.

Depending on how rich or attractive you feel, the findings may be disheartening or make you want to sign up for an online dating app. Regardless, it’s good to know what the opposite sex looks for when you put yourself out there. “The findings have real-world implications for how people may want to create online dating profiles using apps such as Tinder,” Lykins told PsyPost.

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Joy

Hilarious social media challenge has women ditching dating apps to find love at Home Depot

"Do you have an aisle specifically where single men are?"

Photo by Thayran Melo on Unsplash

woman in white shirt wearing white helmet

Even though people have endless options to find love these days, whether in real life or online, finding the perfect person still isn’t easy. In fact, according to Pew Research, 55% of women believe dating is harder today than it was 10 years ago. So it’s understandable that some are considering ditching the apps to meet people in real life.

Studies show that for people looking for a serious relationship, real life may be the better option.

According to Newsweek, a study by Illinois State University sociology professor Susan Sprecher found that young people who first met face to face were 25% more likely to report feelings of closeness than those who initially met online. Aditi Paul, a communications professor at Pace University in New York, found that people who first met in real life lasted four times longer than those who met online.

Single women who’ve been let down by the men they’ve met online started a funny TikTok trend in 2023 where they are going to Home Depot to find a husband. Why not? If you’re looking for a hard-working man, that’s probably where to find one.

It appears as though the trend first started on TikTok in 2021. "Ladies, no joke, Home Depot is where you go if you want to meet a man," TikTok user @meganlouise217 said.

@meganlouise217
Home Depot is made out of husband material. #datingadvice #husband #single #fyp #fyi

Holly Allen is a taken woman but she swears that the men are "everywhere" at Depot at 8:30 am on a Wednesday. "For all of you ladies who are trying to find the perfect soul mate. I've found them,” she said.

TikTok user @joleene_d took the trend to heart and went to the source, Home Depot employees, and asked them where to find the single men. "Do you have an aisle specifically where single men are?" she asked.

@joleene_d
Reply to @jenhealer I tried! @Home Depot. It didn't work. (two and a half weeks into my 4-week online dating experience.) #homedepot #onlinedating #single

It's not just the women who are looking to find a man at Home Depot.

@grindr
now it’s all about finding love in the lumber aisle ✋😔 @tannertan36

However, finding love is hard no matter where you look for it. Some women complained that they visited their local Home Depot and came up empty-handed.

"Meh. Maybe A diff location,” @latinkitty wrote.

@latinkittty
Meh. Maybe A diff location?😅🤣 #homedepot #fyp #MakeASplash #viral #single #fy #foryou #men #eyecandy #workingmen

"Where is the husband aisle?" @rileyontok asked.

@rileyontok
Out of stock 🤷‍♀️ #homedepotchallenge #gossipgirlhere #fypシ #singlemom #trending #creator #greenscreenvideo #foryou #fyp #homedepot

Megan Louise has some words for those who say there are no single men to be found at Home Depot. She says they're going at the wrong time.

"A good man, he works, he works during the day,” Megan said. “You have to go when they open at five. Because they're going there before work they're getting whatever they forgot, lost, or broke the day before. Now, they're in a hurry, late and probably haven't had coffee yet. So you need to be ready, have your number on paper, hand it to them and hope you believe in love at first sight because that's how it's going to happen."

She also says it's best to avoid Saturdays because that’s when married men shop at Home Depot. She says Friday nights are great because all the taken men are out with their significant others.

@meganlouise217
Reply to @tinabear313 how to get a man at Home Depot pt 2 kinda... like for a pt3 #homedepot #datingadvice #single #homeimprovement #fyp #fyi

Even though picking up people at big-box retail locations may not be the best way to create a long-term relationship, the Home Depot challenge is an important reminder to get off our phones and meet people in real life for a change. You may be missing out on someone really special because you may find chemistry with someone in person who didn't stand out online.

This article originally appeared on 1.25.23

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relationships

Joy

Body language expert shares 3 dead giveaways that someone is attracted to you on a date

How do you tell if they aren’t just being nice?

via Kate_Kali/TikTok and GoodFaces/Unsplash

Body language expert Kate Kali shares her dating advice.

Figuring out if your date is into you can be like reading a map—everyone has their own set of signs and signals, and some people’s can be hard to read. Plus, we all want to put our best foot forward, so we might not let our true feelings show right away, either. It’s like trying to win a friendly game of guess-who.

The problem is that in the fast-moving world of online dating, mixed signals can lead to missed connections.

So, body language expert Kate Kali posted a video sharing the ‘3 Nonverbal Sings That Someone Finds You Attractive.”

@kate__kali
3 Things People Subconsciously Do When They Are Attracted To You 😍 #dating #datingadvice #datingtips #bodylanguage #nonverbalcommunication #readingbodylanguage #bodylanguagetips #bodylanguagesecrets #datingandromance #attraction #oppositesattract #readingpeople #humanbehavior #attractivebodylanguage #seduction #fyp #bodylanguagehacks #howtoreadpeople #datinglife #peoplereading #facereading

1. They touch you, even if it’s momentary

"If they touch you in any way, even if it's like a little brush or they just kind of touch your shoulder for a second, that's a pretty sure sign that they're interested in you," she says. "Typically in a dating scenario, if somebody touches you, they're actually subconsciously—and sometimes quite consciously—testing out what it feels like to be physically connected to you."

2. Dilated pupils

"If someone's pupils dilate, they are definitely into you. The eyes are connected to the heart—that's a Chinese face-reading thing—and when the pupils dilate, they are quite literally, physiologically, trying to take in more of you," Kali says.

3. Watch their belongings

"You will notice that couples or people that are dating that are into each other will subconsciously and slowly, over time, get their drinks closer together," Kali explains. Conversely, if your date moves their things away from you, it could mean they aren’t interested yet.

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dating

Joy

She let her friends make a dating profile for her. It's so good they put it up in Times Square.

She's definitely getting noticed!

Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

Would you let your friends create a dating app profile for you?

Dating is really hard. Especially for people over the age of 30. As someone who has been through it, I can attest to it honestly feeling like a full-time job. Dating apps are time consuming—you have to create an enticing profile, choose the best pictures to represent you and make sure your intentions are clear. Usually, you're doing this for more than one dating app at a time. Forget the emotional and time investment it takes to go on the apps and find an actual date. Your thumb will get tired from all the swiping right and left. It's no wonder some people just give up.

Sha Tabb was one such woman. She decided enough was enough and deleted all of her dating apps. But then, her friends stepped in. They took matters into their own hands to find their friend, a former NFL cheerleader who now works as a traffic reporter, a date. And Tabb absolutely let them do it.

"My dating life feels non-existent," Tabb told PEOPLE in an exclusive interview. "For a while, it didn't bother me that I wasn't dating. I was on a couple of apps, I would go out on dates and then the guys would ghost me. I'm like, 'Okay, this isn't working for me. I know it's worked for many other people, but it's just not working for me.' So I took myself off of the apps."

Her friend Jacqui Duran, who had met Tabb about 11 years ago when they worked together, heard about an app called Wingman after reading a story about a woman whose mother used the app to create a profile for her. So, during her birthday dinner, Duran, along with another friend and former co-worker Sheri Ralliford, presented Tabb with the idea of allowing them to take over her dating life. Tabb agreed to let her friends do the heavy lifting of dating for a while.

Sha Tabb's friends created a dating profile for her through the Wingman app.

Wingman App

In February, the friends created Tabb's profile on Wingman, hoping to find their friend love. Some time later, Wingman CEO Tina Wilson found Tabb's profile and had the team turn it into a 48-foot billboard in Times Square. The billboard was installed on May 3 and will run until June 19. Wilson explained to PEOPLE that Tabb's story "goes to show you can be beautiful inside and out, and a professional cheerleader even, and still struggle to find the right partner."

It is absolutely bonkers to imagine what it must be like to have your dating profile broadcast in Times Square of all places. Tabb is taking it all in stride so far.

"I've done modeling in the past, so I've had my face on things, but normally I'm promoting other things for people or other products. Now, I'm promoting myself," she said.

This is all so amazing, but where did Wingman even come from? The dating app was created by Tina Wilson at a time when she was single and her friends were all pretty much married. A self-professed "cupid," Wilson wanted to put her skills to good use. "The ability to help our friends find someone is a very deep-seated instinct for many, many people and I wanted to create a constructive outlet for that desire," she says on her website.

Sha Tabb has a profile on Wingman, where her friends are trying to find her a date.

Wingman App

And that's what Wingman is—you put your friends in control of your love life (but only if you trust them of course!). They're completely in control, they write your profile and tell people why they should date you. And then, they get to decide who you end up going out on dates with.

"Wingman lets those that know you best, choose who you should date," according to the company's website. Additionally, the app "aims to bring friends closer and redefine the online dating game" by allowing friends to create profiles rather than the single person themself.

Tabb has no doubts that her friends will choose someone great for her—their friendship is strong enough that she believes they know who she should date. "They're completely being my wing women and my matchmakers," she said.

Here's hoping that her friends find her someone (or multiple someones) who's a perfect match.

From Your Site Articles

dating apps

online dating

Guy's brutally honest breakup text goes viral and reminds everyone that 'ghosting' isn't cool

This is the ideal example of how to let someone down easy.

People rally behind man who walked out on his first date after getting yelled at

"Just because you can handle something doesn't mean you have to."

I was a Gen X-er going through heartbreak. A Gen Z friend gave me some great healing advice.

It's time to start paying attention to our Gen Z friends.

LEARN TO LOVE THE BLOCK FEATURE

DELETE, DELETE, DELETE

FAKE IT TILL YOU'RE OVER IT

SUMMON YOUR INNER BADASS

IF YOU MUST RESPOND, MAKE IT NONSENSICAL

What matters more, looks or money? Here's how men and women really judge dating profiles.

There’s a big difference in how men and women evaluate online dating profiles.

How do men look at online dating profiles?

How do women look at online dating profiles?

Hilarious social media challenge has women ditching dating apps to find love at Home Depot

"Do you have an aisle specifically where single men are?"

Body language expert shares 3 dead giveaways that someone is attracted to you on a date

How do you tell if they aren’t just being nice?

1. They touch you, even if it’s momentary

2. Dilated pupils

3. Watch their belongings

She let her friends make a dating profile for her. It's so good they put it up in Times Square.

She's definitely getting noticed!

Why have we domesticated some animals but not others? It comes down to four F's.

Adorable Golden Retriever absolutely loses it when he runs into his vet at a bar

Teacher goes above and beyond for a biology lesson by wearing an anatomically correct suit

Gardener tests whether you can regrow scraps from store-bought veggies to make a full garden

We have a small favor to ask of you

online dating

This is the ideal example of how to let someone down easy.

"Just because you can handle something doesn't mean you have to."

It's time to start paying attention to our Gen Z friends.

LEARN TO LOVE THE BLOCK FEATURE

DELETE, DELETE, DELETE

FAKE IT TILL YOU'RE OVER IT

SUMMON YOUR INNER BADASS

IF YOU MUST RESPOND, MAKE IT NONSENSICAL

There’s a big difference in how men and women evaluate online dating profiles.

How do men look at online dating profiles?

How do women look at online dating profiles?

"Do you have an aisle specifically where single men are?"

How do you tell if they aren’t just being nice?

1. They touch you, even if it’s momentary

2. Dilated pupils

3. Watch their belongings

She's definitely getting noticed!