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Behold! The authentic recipe for '80s school cafeteria rectangle pizza.

Now you can make the rubbery but nostalgic pizza from the comfort of your own home.

Canva Photos & U.S. Dept. of Agriculture, Food and Nutrition Service

Everyone who came of age in the 80s and 90s remembers rectangle pizza.

If you grew up in the '80s or '90s, I'd like you to close your eyes. In your mind, you are now back in your elementary school cafeteria. You're walking past all the tables full of other kids, trying not to trip or pee your pants or do anything else embarrassing that will submarine your reputation for the next decade. You approach the line and grab a tray, and the kindly lunch lady takes it from you and serves you up a heaping portion of today's main course. What is it?

If you're like most millennials and Gen Xers, you're almost certainly thinking of that very specific rectangular, and more than a bit rubbery, pizza. Doesn't matter if you grew up in Los Angeles, Dallas, Tampa Bay, Boston, or anywhere in between. It doesn't even matter if your parents packed your lunch. You remember eating this pizza almost every single day of your youth. And while the local Papa Johns or boutique Neapolitan pizzeria is fine, deep inside, you yearn for the square. It's the one that taught you how to love pizza. Was it good? It doesn't matter. It made you who you are today.

'80s and '90s kids, you're in luck. Clever Internet sleuths have uncovered the original recipe for the school cafeteria pizza of yesteryear.

pizza, school, school lunch, food, recipes, youth, 80s, 90s, nostalgia, 80s nostalgia, 90s nostalgiaThe only thing more influential to the public image of pizza than school lunch were the Ninja Turtles.Giphy

The Internet Archive has been quietly collecting documents for years now from a little government agency called the U.S. Department of Agriculture, Food and Nutrition Service division.

They have pretty boring names, like this one from 1988 called "Quantity recipes for school food service." But inside these hand-scanned handbooks is an absolute treasure trove, and that's where some fine citizen initially discovered the Holy Grail: Pizza with Cheese Topping.

Behold. If you've ever wanted to recapture the whimsy and imagination of being a child in the '80s, you can now do it in your very own kitchen. Here's the exact recipe.

pizza, school, school lunch, food, recipes, youth, '80s, '90s, nostalgia,' 80s nostalgia, '90s nostalgiaI'm convinced it was the marjoram that captured our young hearts all those years ago.U.S. Dept. of Agriculture, Food and Nutrition Service

After all these years, we now know that the secret "sauce," figuratively and literally, is: dehydrated onions, garlic powder, black pepper, tomato paste, water, basil, oregano, marjoram, and thyme.

I'm no Gordon Ramsay, but the key ingredient to me seems to be marjoram. That's an herb from the mint family that's not exactly a staple in most people's kitchens at home. It must be what gave school pizza the little extra kick that helped it claw its way deep into our hearts and brains for decades.

Of course, to get the full effect of Pizza With Cheese Topping, you'd have to find a way to source the same ingredients. And obviously, different school districts across the country may have cooked up their own versions of this basic formula.

But this is a pretty spot-on approximation.

pizza, school, school lunch, food, recipes, youth, 80s, 90s, nostalgia, 80s nostalgia, 90s nostalgiaThere are a lot of memes and jokes about how school lunch in the 90s wasn't very healthy, but these stats aren't too bad.U.S. Dept. of Agriculture, Food and Nutrition Service

If you're intrigued but don't actually feel like going through this process yourself, don't worry. Someone on Reddit went through all the steps recently and posted their results. A quick reminder for anyone bold enough to try this at home: The recipe above created five full-size sheet pans of pizza, or 100 slices. It uses three pounds of tomato paste and a whopping 12 pounds of mozzarella cheese.

When properly scaled, the final product looks something like this. Cowabunga, dude!



The handbook from 1988 also includes such coveted recipes as Salisbury Steak, Spaghetti with Meat Sauce, Meatloaf, and Mac and Cheese. Put it all together and you've got pretty much the entire school lunch menu of our youth.

Experts say food is one of the most powerful things on the planet when it comes to memory and nostalgia. Why? Bond University writes, "Food.. engages multiple senses: taste, smell, texture, sight and sound."

Smell, in particular, is extremely closely linked to the part of the brain that forms strong, vivid memories. To this day, sometimes I'll smell something that reminds me of middle school, and I don't know why—maybe it was the body spray someone wore or the subtle smell of the school. Food is just like that, but even more potent. It also brings with it other memories of friendship, love, family, or even negative memories of being bullied or feeling left out.

All kidding aside, your memories of school lunch (and rectangular cheese pizza in particular) may not be all sunshine and roses. But I'd be willing to bet they are some of the most vivid and stubborn memories you have. It could be fun to spend an evening recreating the smells, textures, and tastes to see what kind of other memories it stirs up.

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Parenting

Gen X mom reenacts 'coming home from school in the 80s' and totally nails it

"This is why we're built different."

Photo credit: Canva

If you lived through an 80s childhood, this will send you back.

Generation X, made up of those born between 1965 and 1980, has many claims-to-fame in their younger years game. Gen X brought the world Prince and Kurt Cobain. We were The Goonies and The Breakfast Club.We took down the Berlin Wall while watching MTV.

But perhaps the most iconic thing about Gen X is our semi-feral childhoods of benign neglect. The standards of parenting and child rearing have shifted a lot in the past 40 to 50 years, as has the technological landscape that kids grow up in, so naturally, today's kids won't have the same childhoods previous generations had. But there's something particularly nostalgic about being a child of the 80s for those who lived it.

One mom nailed the experience with a video reenactment of what it was like to come home from school in the 80s. Elizabeth Stevens (@BennettPeach on YouTube) arrives at the front door in her backpack, then pulls out a house key on a string around her neck. (Ah, the "latchkey kid" era when children were expected to come home to an empty house and let themselves in.)

Then she goes into the kitchen in her Care Bears t-shirt and finds a handwritten note—in cursive, of course—on the back of an envelope. "Working late—make your own dinner, watch your brother and the dishes better be done when I get home from bowling. – Mom"

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

That's right. Mom wasn't just working late, she was also going bowling while her kids were home caring for themselves.

Then we see her washing the dishes despite barely being able to reach the faucet, even with a stool, and then her making a Gen X staple—the cinnamon-sugar and butter sandwich. On white bread, of course.

In just one minute, Stevens managed to capture the essence of so many Gen X memories, as commenters shared:

"The mom notes on an unopened bill is memories."

"Nailed it! The best thing about growing up in the '70s/'80's was being ALLOWED to grow up."

"Why this video made me almost cry?? How quiet it is inside the home. Lovely."

child doing dishes, 80s childhood, gen x childhoodKids did chores at home alone after school in the 80s. Photo credit: Canva

"Facts!!! No babysitter, go in the house, read the note, do the chores n not let anybody in!!!! I remember the homemade the 'cinnamon bun.'"

"70s and 80s … latch key kid here elementary, junior high and high school. we turned out self sufficient, independent and successful."

"Just so frickin on point!!! All of it from the clothes to the key on the necklace to the note. Even what you chose to do for a snack. Too good!!! The windbreaker that's memories. It's all coming back to me now lol thank you for this. You have brought a huge grin to both me and my inner child."

Ah, the 80s.Giphy

"I was met with a note everyday, too. On the back of an envelope, my daily chores would be listed. If I was in trouble, I would cry as soon as I saw the note....lolol Love you momma. How I wished I could have saved those notes! They were historical treasures."

Tons of people gushed over the nostalgia of remembering those "good old days" when they were given both freedom and responsibility, with many saying kids today have no idea. One thing that might surprise the younger generations was how young the theoretical kid in this video could have been. We're not talking about young teens here—kids as young as 5 or 6 could be latchkey kids, and kids any older than that were often given responsibility for looking after younger siblings. Even official babysitting jobs could start around age 11, or sometimes even younger.

Gen X kids had learned to take care of themselves early on, which has its pros and cons. The rose-colored glasses many Gen X adults view their childhoods through can sometimes cloud the parts that were not so great about growing up in the 70s and 80s. Sure, that benign neglect resulted in resilience and independence, but for some that came at the cost of parental relationships and a sense of safety and security. We have more knowledge now about things like mental health support, parent-child attachment, and healthy relationship dynamics, and some of that learning is reflected in shifting parenting practices.

As often happens, the pendulum may have swung too far from the absent parents of the 70s and 80s to the helicopter parents of the 90s and 2000s, of course, and the "right" approach (if there is one) probably lies somewhere in the middle. But it is still fun to look back on those iconic childhood experiences with joy and humor and appreciate that they helped us become who we are today.

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Joy

Boomers and Gen Xers recall 17 things they loved in old-school restaurants that are long gone

"Cafeterias in discount stores. K-Mart had a delicious orange drink that I absolutely loved."

via Sandra Foyt/Flickr and Reddit

A Farell's sundae and a Pizza Hut lamp.

Dining out was a different experience in the 1970s and 1980s. Many of the pizza places and family restaurants were elaborate, sit-down joints with ornate decorations, theming, and plenty of video games. The dining experience also catered to smokers, with ashtrays on the table, smoking sections, and machines that distributed cigarettes by the bathrooms.

These days, when you go to a department store or big-box retailer, it’s rare that you’ll find anywhere to sit down and eat besides maybe a Starbucks or, in some Walmarts, a McDonald’s tucked into the corner. But department stores used to have sit-down grills or places to relax and have a hot dog. It was also assumed that going to a K-Mart, GEMCO, or Sears in the ‘70s and ‘80s would smell like freshly popped popcorn.


There was also a time when fast-food restaurants were a lot more elegant. You could get some decent greens at the salad bar in a Carls, Jr., Wendy’s had a great taco buffet, and it wasn’t uncommon to be able to relax in the glow of a solarium while scarfing down fries. Let’s not even get started about how incredible and imaginative the McDonald’s Play Place was.

A group of folks born in 1980 or later shared the things they miss the most about eating establishments that no longer exist on the AskOldPeople Reddit subforum, and it brought back some delightful, if not smoky, memories for many. It also taught young people that an eating establishment doesn’t need to be sterile; a bit of theming and tons of breadsticks can go a long way.

1. Pizza Hut was fantastic

"I miss when Pizza Hut had dining rooms. Dark, plastic Tiffany hanging lamps over each table, and those plastic red cups."
"Pizza Hut is permanently etched into my brain. It was such a treat to go there. The smell of pizza when you walked in the door, the tablecloths, the plastic red cups."

"I always liked the tabletop arcade games that were the start of my gargoyle curve in my posture."

2. Farrell's ice cream was epic

"Farrell's Ice Cream. Every time someone ordered a Zoo -- a bowl with 20 scoops of ice cream, usually for parties -- they'd bring it out on a stretcher-like item, carried by two people. And they'd ring a bell and blow a siren and generally make a racket, and run around the restaurant with it before bringing it to the table. And if one person ate a whole Zoo? An announcement, also accompanied by sirens, bells, etc. And I think for every birthday, also, which included the singing of Happy Birthday by the whole restaurant. Basically, every trip to Farrell's was sure to include multiple loud interruptions to the meal. It was a blast."

"Omg Farrell’s old timey candy store by the register was so fantastic."


3. Cigarette machines in waiting areas

"The closest place to buy cigs was a nice restaurant. If you needed change for the machine, the bartender would help you out. Nobody cared if you were 12."

4. Mini jukeboxes

"Small jukebox at your table to choose songs and insert your quarter (for 3 songs)."

"One of my favorite memories! When I was a kid, we'd go to a diner on Sundays with the little jukebox at the table, and I'd play Heartbreak Hotel every time. Whenever I hear that song I'm right back in that booth."

5. Fewer chain restaurants

"I remember a lot more locally owned restaurants, and fewer chains. When you were on vacation, there would be all these different local restaurants and you would have to ask around to find the good ones. And you would get food that was different than what you would have at home. Now every town seems to have the same chains and the restaurants and the food are all the same."

6. The golden era of salad bars

"Salad bars, lots of restaurants had salad bars in the 1980s. Now, I can't think of one locally. Ruby Tuesday's, but I think they are all closed."

"Remember when Wendy's had this huge salad bar / potato bar thing that everyone loved? Looks like Wendy's closed all of those in 2006 or earlier. I'd say that's about the time that salad bars started to completely fade."



7. Arcade games in pizza joints

"When’s the last time you saw a Street Fighter or other game at any local store?! I’ve been to some laundromats that have old grubby and often broken machines, but outside of deals like that it’s like they just completely disappeared!"

"Oh god, yes. I remember my last great birthday as a kid, 12 maybe 13, my two friends and I went to the local pizza place and after sharing that large with all the gooey cheese carried out on the tray all smoking and greasy, we blew an entire roll of quarters beating some game, I think it was Aliens. We spent that entire roll of quarters and finished the game. That's still my favorite birthday memory from when I was a kid."

8. Discount store cafeterias

"Cafeterias in discount stores. K-Mart had a delicious orange drink that I absolutely loved. And going to Woolworth's for a burger, fries, and a chocolate shake."

"Around the early 1970s, Thrifty had a section with booths and food. Sister and I would go there often. After we ate, we'd go to the front of the store and get an ice cream cone... with the cylindrical scoops. Back then, it was 5 cents a scoop. We always got three :)"

9. Smoking sections

"My first job was as a hostess at a restaurant: 'Smoking or non-smoking?'"

"We went to a restaurant once and asked for non-smoking; the hostess led us to a random table and took the ashtray away. Presto, that was now the non-smoking table."


10. Free matches

"Matches with the restaurant's name embossed on them, by the register, next to the mints."

"Speaking of which, how do they solve crimes today without restaurant matches for clues?"

11. Breadsticks and crackers galore

"A basket with all different varieties of crackers and breadsticks to go with your cup or bowl of soup."

12. McDonald's deep-fried pies

"I had a friend who swears up and down, that before the FDA required ingredients lists, McDonald's Apple Pies were made with potato chunks, apple sauce, cinnamon, sugar, etc."

"'CAUTION: FILLING IS HOT!' We'd repeat it out loud and snicker every time we bought them :)"


13. Parsley

"You used to get a few sprigs of parsley on your plate. You weren't supposed to eat it. It was for decoration."

"Parsley is a good breath freshener after a meal."

14. Better atmosphere

"Whether it's nostalgia or real, I'd say the effort that went into building the atmosphere of a restaurant. It used to be an experience. Restaurants, especially asian ones or buffets would go all out on the ambience and variety. I remember fish tanks, complimentary pots of green tea, fortune cookies, exotic fruits or dishes etc. Now as Elaine from Seinfeld puts it you feel like a hog about to fill up at the trough."

"Nowadays, the problem is that minimalistic and uniform is mistaken for modern. Anything quirky, personable or fun is generally seen as tacky, unprofessional, lacking in class. Unless you're a chain with a theme of some sort. This goes for architecture in general. Restaurants definitely, I think shopping malls have definitely suffered, also."

15. Butter on cardboard

"Little yellow pats of butter on a square of cardboard."

"Whoa. I haven’t had that image in my brain for a loooong time."

16. Ashtrays on tables

"Those little foil ashtrays they had at McDonald’s. I used to fold them up to amuse myself."

"I liked the ones at Burger King better. They were gold LOL."

17. Cocktails on placemats

"When I was a kid in the 70s, many restaurants had paper placemats that were cocktail menus. There’d be photos of each cocktail with fun names like Singapore sunset, grasshopper, pink lady, monkey’s kiss, etc. They looked so good and I couldn’t wait to grow up to order them all one day. But sadly, by the time I was old enough to drink, those menus had long gone."




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Pop Culture

Duran Duran's new luxury perfume is unintentionally making fans think of a very dirty word

"Every time I see the name ... I see another word. I can’t be the only one who feels this way."

Images via Canva and Wikicommons

Duran Duran's new luxury perfume really sounds like something else entirely

For many of us Duranies, the pop band Duran Duran has held a top spot in our hearts over the years. We love the music, the videos, the groovy Nile Rodgers-inspired John Taylor bassline, and the delightfully bonkers lyrics, often brought to us by front man Simon Le Bon (though, over the decades, other bandmates have offered lyric collaborations),

In fact, there are entire Reddit threads dedicated to the seemingly nonsensical nature of their lyrics. One fan eloquently advises, "I would suggest you study poetry and the poets that influenced Simon. Do they 'mean' anything in a literal sense? Not really, nor are they supposed to. He’s said before that he was highly influenced by impressionistic poetry, and one of his favorite poets was Wilfred Owen. A couple of other obvious ones are T.S. Eliot, and I believe the great metaphysical poet John Donne."

Duran Duran, show, band, performance, 80s, lyricsduran duran 80s GIFGiphy

One such lyric is from one of their most popular hits, "Hungry Like the Wolf," from their second studio album, Rio, released in 1982. While the entire band (which consisted of Simon Le Bon, John Taylor, Nick Rhodes, Roger Taylor, and Andy Taylor at the time) is credited with writing the song, it's widely believed that Simon had the most influence on the words. "Smell like I sound," he sang, while clad in a khaki "safari" suit, a fedora, and a shirt unbuttoned so far down that his many necklaces glistened in the swamps of Sri Lanka.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

But it often begged the question: How DO they smell? If it’s like they sound, then it must be pretty awesome. Well, now we have an actual answer to that question. Duran Duran has released two unisex scents in collaboration with the Italian fragrance perfumery Xerjoff. And a few folks online are having a fun time with its name. But we'll come back to that.

One scent, NeoRio, can be purchased in four different-colored flacons: pink, green, orange, or yellow. According to the Xerjoff website, it contains notes of "candied fig and rum with the sparkling freshness of elemi absolute, before unfolding with the fiery warmth of saffron and the elegance of soft rose oil, all anchored by the creamy richness of Tonka bean and the timeless depth of balsam from Peru." Not sure whether to wear it, eat it, drink it, or just listen to it, but it goes for nearly 400 USD a pop.

At the same price point, Xerjoff is also offering Black Moonlight, a heavier scent where "Bergamot and mandarin awaken the senses, whilst saffron, lavender, sambac jasmine, and hazelnut envelop the senses in an intimate embrace. It’s all grounded by the base notes of patchouli, vetiver, tonka bean, and benzoin to create a sensual, timeless scent that mirrors Duran Duran’s legacy: constantly transforming yet introspective—a harmonious blend of art, innovation, and emotion." Now that's a good sell.

The issue on Reddit? Fans have thoughts about the name of the perfumery. On the subreddit r/DuranDuran, someone posted a "New Duran Duran Perfume" thread. The first comment comes in hot: "Every time I see the name of this company, I see another word. I can’t be the only one who feels this way." This gets over 50 upvotes, with many Redditors in agreement.

Though some defend the company: "Xerjoff is a highly regarded perfumier. Also, damned expensive." But after a few more in the comments use creative and descriptive ways to explain how the mind tends to trick us into reading Xerjoff in a less-than-savory way, it really just comes down to the cost. "I think I’ll stay with the way I think they smell like. Too expensive for me."

The comments even come up on Duran Duran's official TikTok page.

@duranduran

@Xerjoff x Duran Duran x LDN. The night took place in Lost City, a secret London location. Here’s a sneak peek….share at your highest discretion. #xerjoff #duranduran #NeoRio #blackmoonlight #london

Xerjoff, for what it's worth, is an extremely popular and well-reviewed perfumery. And in the words of keyboardist Nick Rhodes on their website, they created the scents with the same standards as they approach their over 40-year career. "We realized we were striving to achieve similar criteria as we do when writing songs—ultimately aiming for something seductive, unique, and irresistible.”


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