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Wil Wheaton's locker room story shows exactly why homophobic jokes are a problem

One of the great rules of comedy is punch up, not down.

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Comedy can be uplifting. And it can also be downright destructive. The rise of cancel culture has made us take a hard look at what we normalize for the sake of a good joke. And with Dave Chappelle’s controversial comedy special, that includes jokes which can be perceived as cruel or homophobic jabs by the LGBTQ community and allies.

At the same time, comedy is supposed to be disruptive, is it not? It’s meant to be audacious, bawdy, outrageous. And let’s not forget it’s often said sarcastically, meaning we don’t really believe what what's being said … right?

Wil Wheaton has previously given a brilliant take on how to separate the art from the artist. This time though, he’s confronting the art itself and what makes it problematic.

“For anyone who genuinely doesn't understand why I feel as strongly as I do about people like Chappelle making transphobic comments that are passed off as jokes, I want to share a story that I hope will help you understand, and contextualize my reaction to his behavior."

Wheaton started off his story by sharing how he used to play ice hockey when he was 16, and one night enjoyed a warm welcome as a guest goalie. After a fun practice, Wheaton joined his teammates in the locker room.

“Before I tell you what happened next, I want to talk specifically about comedy and how much I loved it when I was growing up… One of the definitive comedy specials for me and my friends was Eddie Murphy's Delirious, from 1983. It had bits that still kill me… Really funny stuff.

There is also extensive homophobic material that is just…appalling and inexcusable. Long stretches are devoted to mocking gay people, using the slur that starts with F over and over and over. Young Wil, who watched this with his suburban white upper middle class friends, in his privileged bubble, thought it was the funniest, edgiest, dirtiest thing he'd ever heard… And all of it was dehumanizing to gay men… I didn't know any better. I accepted the framing, I developed a view of gay men as predatory, somehow less than straight men, absolutely worthy of mockery and contempt. Always good for a joke…

Wil Wheaton | Wil Wheaton at the Phoenix Comicon, on the Eur… | Flickrwww.flickr.com

…A comedian who I thought was one of the funniest people on the planet totally normalized making a mockery of gay people, and because I was a privileged white kid, raised by privileged white parents, there was nobody around me to challenge that perception. For much of my teen years, I was embarrassingly homophobic, and it all started with that comedy special.”

Here Wheaton pivots back to the locker room:

“So I'm talking with these guys…We're doing that sports thing where you talk about the great plays, and feel like you're part of something special.

And then, without even realizing what I was doing, that awful word came out of my mouth. ‘Blah blah blah F****t,’ I said.

The room fell silent and that's when I realized every single guy in this room was gay. They were from a team called The Blades (amazing) and I had just ... really fucked up.

"'Do you have any gay friends?" One of them asked me, gently.

"Yes," I said, defensively. Then, I lied, "they say that all the time." I was so embarrassed and horrified. I realized I had basically said the N word, in context, and I didn't know what to do. I wanted to disappear. I wanted to apologize, I wanted to beg forgiveness. But I was a stupid sixteen year-old with pride and ignorance and fear all over myself, so I lied to try and get out of it.

"They must not love themselves very much," he said, with quiet disappointment.

Nobody said another word to me. I felt terrible. I shoved my gear into my bag and left as quickly as I could.”

“That happened over 30 years ago, and I think about it all the time. I'm mortified and embarrassed and so regretful that I said such a hurtful thing. I said it out of ignorance, but I still said it, and I said it because I believed these men, who were so cool and kind and just like all the other men I played with (I was always the youngest player on the ice) were somehow less than ... I guess everyone. Because that had been normalized for me by culture and comedy.

A *huge* part of that normalization was through entertainment that dehumanized gay men in the service of "jokes". And as someone who thought jokes were great, I accepted it. I mean, nobody was making fun of *ME* that way…so…

This stuff that Chappelle did? …For a transgender person, those "jokes" normalize hateful, ignorant, bigoted behavior towards them. Those "jokes" contribute to a world where transgender people are constantly under threat of violence, because transgender people have been safely, acceptably, dehumanized. And it's all okay, because they were dehumanized by a Black man……Literally every queer person I know (and I know a LOT) is hurt by Chappelle's actions. When literally every queer person I know says "this is hurtful to me", I'm going to listen to them and support them, and not tell them why they are wrong…”

Wil Wheaton brings up some powerful points. While this is a complex issue, the insidious nature of dehumanizing jokes is pretty blatant. At some point we have to ask ourselves: Is it really worth harming someone else for the sake of a joke? When put that bluntly, the answer, I hope, is a resounding no.


This article originally appeared four years ago.

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Pop Culture

'The Greatest Night in Pop' reveals the making of 'We Are the World,' and it is riveting

From Stevie Wonder reminding Bob Dylan how to be Bob Dylan, to Diana Ross wanting Daryl Hall's autograph, to Waylon Jennings walking out in protest, it's a must-watch.

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Dozens of top artists of the 80s joined forces to raise money for famine-stricken Africa in 1985.

Every Gen Xer and baby boomer remembers how big of a deal "We Are the World" was when it came out in 1985. The USA for Africa project brought together dozens of the era's most famous musicians to record the song, which raised millions of dollars in aid for famine-stricken Ethiopia and became an anthem for the global fight against hunger. (A painfully cheesy anthem by modern standards, but this was the 80s, after all. Cheese was the order of the day.)

The music video was filmed during the studio recording of the song, showing superstars like Michael Jackson, Bruce Springsteen, Cindy Lauper, Tina Turner, Stevie Wonder, Kenny Rogers, Kenny Loggins and more. And up until now, that felt like the story—these musicians all got together to record the song, they did, it was epic, the end.

But there is soooo much more to the story than that, as showcased in the Netflix documentary, "The Greatest Night in Pop." And it is absolutely, 100% worth a watch.

Lionel Richie serves as the main storyteller in the documentary, which is fitting since he was one of the main orchestrators of the project. He and Michael Jackson wrote the song—which is an entire story in and of itself. They thought they had plenty of time, and then they learned they needed to have it written and ready to record by the following week. There was a fight at Michael Jackson's house between his dog and his talking bird during the songwriting process. At another one point, MJ's enormous pet snake got lost and scared the bejeezus out of Lionel Richie by knocking over some albums and hissing behind him.

Richie talks glowingly about Jackson's incredible talents, but Richie deserves a shout out as well for his energy and endurance. "We Are the World" was recorded overnight and into the morning after the American Music Awards ended. That night, Richie served as the host of the AMAs, performed two songs there, won multiple awards during the ceremony, and then hightailed it to A&M Studios to record "We Are the World," which he co-wrote. And on top of all of that, he served as a handler of sorts for the multiple personalities who were there in that room, keeping everyone on task and focused without being heavy-handed about it. It's genuinely impressive to witness.

But seeing how these big musicians acted when they were all in a room together is the most delightful part of the documentary. Quincy Jones had put up a handwritten sign telling everyone to "Leave your ego at the door." Easier said than done in a group like that, but at the same time, these huge stars were starstruck themselves. We see it over and over again, these household names giddy over meeting their idols, feeling shy around one another, being nervous about their solos and other evidences of oh-so-obvious humanness.

Huey Lewis describes how his legs shook when it came time to sing his solo part—which was originally supposed to go to Prince, who never showed. Diana Ross went up to Daryl Hall and asked for his autograph, telling him she was his biggest fan, prompting the whole group to start signing one another's music. They all spontaneously sang "Day-O" to Harry Belafonte to celebrate him, as it was his advocacy that had initially prompted the project. Seeing how much these artists admired one another is really sweet.

But there were some snags along the way, too, which are equally interesting to watch play out. At one point, Stevie Wonder tried to insert some lyrics in Swahili into the song, which prompted country singer Waylon Jennings to bail on the whole project, reportedly saying, "No good old boy sings in Swahili.” (The idea was nixed anyway, as Swahili isn't spoken in Ethiopia and, as Bob Geldof pointed out, they weren't singing to the people they were helping, but rather to the people who had the means to give.)

Bob Dylan appears to be completely out of it through much of the night—a fact that has led to plenty of stoner jokes over the years. But by the end, we see that Dylan was just completely out of his element in a room full of genuine singers, and it took Stevie Wonder literally mimicking him to get Dylan to feeling comfortable performing his part in the song.

The whole documentary is worth a watch to witness the creative chaos of the process, the drama that inevitably comes up when big personalities get together and the bonds that were built through this heartfelt project. Leveraging fame and utilizing art to save lives was a beautiful idea, and seeing it all come together is really something.

"The Greatest Night in Pop" can be seen on Netflix. Highly recommend.

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Education

'Get stuff done': President Obama shares why his simple career advice for young people works

"Whoever is running that organization will notice. I promise.”

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Former president barack Obama walking down the street with his coat over his shoulder.

If you’re looking for career advice, there are few better people to ask than former President Barack Obama. After all, he got the most prestigious job in the world after only spending four years in the U.S. Senate and seven in the Illinois State Senate.

Obama clearly knows how to work his way up in the world.

Now, he’s investigating what it means to have “good” work in his new Netflix show, “Working: What We Do All Day.” According to Netflix, the show explores compelling ideas and issues about labor and work, while focusing on the lives of individuals in various professions.

Obama sat down with LinkedIn Editor-in-Chief Daniel Roth to talk about employment-related topics, including the role of work in our lives, disruptions in the workplace in the new Millenium, and the coming AI revolution. During the 15-minute conversation, Obama shared his most important career advice for young people, and it was simple, especially for such a thoughtful, well-spoken man. The former president said, “Get stuff done. Just learn how to get stuff done.”

He then unpacked what he meant by his simple motto.

“I've seen at every level people who are very good at describing problems, people who are very sophisticated in explaining why something went wrong or why something can't get fixed, but what I'm always looking for is, no matter how small the problem or how big it is, somebody who says, 'Let me take care of that,'” Obama said.

“If you project an attitude of, whatever it is that's needed, I can handle it and I can do it, then whoever is running that organization will notice. I promise.”

Obama is spot-on with his analysis. You can talk about things all day, but what really matters is taking action and making things happen. Maybe that’s why his campaign slogan in 2008 was a simple three-word phrase about taking care of business, “Yes, we can.”

"The best way to get attention is, whatever is assigned to you, you are just nailing. You're killing it. Because people will notice, that's someone who can get something done," Obama continued.

As someone who has managed people at the top levels of government, Obama has a rare understanding of the importance of relying on people to carry out essential orders and knowing who to trust to get it done efficiently and correctly. When you’re president of the United States, you must have complete trust in the people you delegate work to because thousands or even millions of lives could be at risk.

Obama also added that young people shouldn’t focus on a specific job title but on things that interest them. "The people that I find are the most successful are the people who say, 'I'm really interested in computers and figuring this stuff out,' and they end up being a Bill Gates," he said.

People will be happier with careers that are rooted in their interests because they’re doing what they love. We only get 24 hours in a day. Most people sleep eight, work eight and enjoy eight for themselves. Everyone loves sleeping and time off, but you can be happy 24 hours a day when you love your job.

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Celebrity

Arnold Schwarzenegger takes full  accountability talking about his divorce in new interview

“It was my f— up. It was my failure.”

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Arnold Schwarzenegger models accountability and growth

Arnold Schwarzenegger is sort of having a moment of life imitating art, but in this case it would be the other way around. The action star, turned governor before going back to acting, is staring in a new Netflix series, "FUBAR" and the storyline feels very...familiar. It's an action-comedy about a husband who had an affair and is attempting to win his wife back.

If you don't understand the connection, let me spell it out. Schwarzenegger was married to Maria Shriver for 25 years when she filed for divorce after finding out he not only had an affair with their housekeeper, but fathered a child. The child in question was a teenager when Shriver put the pieces together and confronted the housekeeper about her suspicions.

But unlike Schwarzenegger's character, Luke, in "FUBAR," the former California governor acknowledged his actions as the catalyst to the demise of his marriage.

In an interview with The Hollywood Reporter about his new Netflix series Schwarzenegger joked, "it feels like it's a documentary."

Except the truth of the matter is, Schwarzenegger wasn't shy about taking immediate accountability when the news first broke. He apologized to his then wife and didn't avoid hard questions when interviewers asked him about his affair. Taking accountability can be hard because you have to admit that you did something that caused someone else pain and actively work to do better in the future.

Celebrities and government officials aren't immune to making mistakes. They're all human, but their mistakes involve intense public scrutiny and reminders of their screw up on the covers of magazines. Which, if we're being honest here, that would make anyone want to tuck their head in the sand until everything blows over. So it's not surprising that when some celebrities apologize it feels forced and lacks accountability.

This is why Schwarzenegger's openness and willingness to own past missteps is a master class on how to take accountability. In his interview with The Hollywood Reporter he explained the difference between his real life and his character.

"The difference is, in the show, he doesn’t consider it cheating because [seducing CIA assets] was part of his profession," Schwarzenegger told the outlet. "But in [my real-life marriage to Shriver], it was my f----up. It was my failure."

Man with brown hair, salt and pepper facial hair

Arnold Schwarzenegger

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Even when the news of Schwarzenegger's secret child were making the press rounds, the actor was candid.

In a 2014 interview with the Los Angeles Times, he openly took responsibility for his actions, “I understand and deserve the feelings of anger and disappointment among my friends and family. There are no excuses and I take full responsibility for the hurt I have caused. I have apologized to Maria, my children and my family. I am truly sorry.”

The star has had his share of missteps outside of his marriage as well, which he also took accountability for and has worked to make positive changes. His willingness to continually work to improve and own up to his mistakes is likely something that helps maintain his friendship with Shriver. While he spoke highly of his girlfriend, Heather Milligan, a physical therapist, he made it a point to acknowledge his relationship with his wife when speaking to THR.

"I love my wife. She and I are really good friends and very close, and we are very proud of the way we raised our kids. Even though we had this drama, we did Easter together, Mother’s Day together, the Christmases together, all birthdays — everything together," Schwarzenegger said before joking that he and Shriver should get an Oscar for how to handle divorce.

If you want to catch the "Terminator" in his new show, "FUBAR," it releases on Netflix May 25, and his documentary about his life titled, "Arnold," will be available June 7 on the same streaming service.

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