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Parenting

Empty nesters share their genius—and surprisingly touching—secret to downsizing

"All I have to do is look in the eyes of my two girls—and they take me back, every time, to the most beautiful, colorful, emotional scrapbook I could ever dream of having."

Jimmy and Catherine Dunne figured out the secret to downsizing.

When your final child leaves the house for good, it's like a whole new world has opened up. The decades raising babies and children are full, rich, exciting, and loud. Your house is filled with laughter and sibling bickering, school projects and kid collections, never-ending laundry and food purchased in bulk. Life is big during those years. It takes up space physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Then come the empty nest years, when you find yourself swimming in a house full of unused rooms and piles of memories. Suddenly you don't need all that space anymore, and you have to figure out what to do with those rooms and those piles and those memories.

For one couple, the process of downsizing brought about a reflection on their family life, their relationship with their kids, and their stuff. In 2021, Jimmy Dunne shared that reflection entitled "Downsizing" on Facebook in a since deleted viral post that resonated with many people who are at or near this stage in life.

 empty nest, empty nester, parenting, parents, life stages An empty room.Canva Photos.

Dunne wrote:

"My wife Catherine and I recently moved.

I realized I had something I never knew I had.

Thirty-four years ago, I carried my wife in my arms over the threshold in our home. Thirty-four years ago. From newlywed days, to witnessing our babies go from little girls to young adults. So many great memories in every inch of every room of our home.

I didn’t think I was ready to ‘downsize.’ What an awful word. I liked walking through our girl’s bedrooms and still seeing their stuff on the walls and on the shelves. I liked our backyard. I liked imagining our kids coming down the steps every Christmas morning.

We put it on the market, it sold in a couple days, and suddenly agreements thicker than my leg were instructing me to clear everything I ever had and knew – out.

Every night I found myself saying goodbye to our backyard, to our garden of roses that Catherine would till and trim, to the sidewalk where the girls drove their Barbie cars and learned to ride their bikes, to our front lawn where we hosted tons of talent shows with all the kids on the block – and the red swing on the front porch.

We found a condo in town and started lining up our ducks of what we were keeping, and what we were tossing. We vowed, if we’re going to do this, we weren’t putting anything in storage.

I literally threw out half my stuff. Half. Half of the furniture. Half of my clothes, books. And the big one… way more than half the boxes in the attic.

The attic was more than an attic. It held our stories. Every thing in every box, every framed picture was a story. After we gave away almost all of the living room furniture, we split the room in half and brought down everything of the girls from the attic and from their rooms. We invited the girls over, handed them a cocktail and said, “There’s good news and bad news. We’ve saved all this stuff; your outfits, drawings, dolls, skates -- for you. It’s now yours. The bad news, whatever’s not gone by Friday at 10 in the morning, it’s getting chucked in that giant green dumpster in front of the house.”

The girls thought we were Mr. and Mrs. Satan. But they went through it, and that Friday, most of it went out the front door and right in the dumpster.

I filled the entire dining room with boxes of all my old stuff. Grade school stories and pictures, report cards, birthday cards, trophies, you name it. Boxes of old plaques and diplomas and just stuff and stuff and stuff like that. How could I throw any of this out? I may as well have been throwing me in the dumpster!

But this little jerk on my shoulder kept asking -- what are your kids going to do with all this a week after you're six feet under? They’re gonna chuck it all out!

Here’s the crazy thing. The more I threw stuff in there, the easier it got. And I started to kind of like throwing it up and over in that thing. I started to feel lighter. Better.

And we moved in a half-the-size condo – and the oddest thing happened.

It became our home.

A picture here and there on the wall, Catherine’s favorite pieces of furniture, all her knickknacks in the bathroom. We blinked, and it looked and felt just like us.

And then I found that thing I never knew I had.

Enough.

I had enough.

The wild thing was that having less – actually opened the door to so much more. More in my personal life. More in my career. More in everything.

All I have to do is look in the eyes of my two girls -- and they take me back, every time, to the most beautiful, colorful, emotional scrapbook I could ever dream of having.

All I have to do is hold my wife’s hand, and it hypnotizes me back to kissing her for the first time, falling in love with everything she did, seeing her in that hospital room holding our first baby for the first time.

It sure seems there is so much more to see, and feel, and be – if I have the courage, if I have the will to shape a life that’s just…

Enough."

You can also read Dunne's reflection on his website.

 downsizing, empty nest, empty nesters, family, parenting, change An older couple packing up their home. Canva Photos.

People shared Dunne's post more than 24,000 times and it's easy to see why. He's speaking a truth we probably all know deep down on some level: Things don't make a life. Things don't make relationships. They don't even make memories, though we tend to hold onto them as if they do. We may associate places and things with memories, but we don't need the places and things for our memories to live on.

It's not hard to notice Dunne's deep wisdom as the result of a life well-lived. Fortunately for readers everywhere, Dunne compiled his wisdom, including the viral "Downsizing," into a book that was released in September 2024 by Savio Republic and Post Hill Press, titled Jimmy Dunne Says: 47 Short Stories That Are Sure to Make You Laugh, Cry—and Think. Like his Facebook post, Dunne's book is filled with heartfelt, thought-provoking reflections that stand to teach readers valuable and relatable lessons. It even got an endorsement from none other than actor Henry Winkler.

Kudos to Dunne and his wife for looking ahead to what their children would have to go through after they pass if they didn't go through it now themselves. And kudos to them for truly embracing the freedom that comes with having raised your children to adulthood. The empty nest years can be whatever you choose to make of them, and this couple has figured out a key to making the most of theirs.

Keep up with the Dunnes on their Instagram, where they share more writing, wisdom, family moments, and sweetest of all—their grandbabies.

This article originally appeared four years ago. It has been updated.

Motherhood

Moms get specific on how they successfully share 'family manager' duties with their spouses

Minimal partner resentment and a smoother running household? Yes, please.

Image via Canva

Moms share tips for how to better manage family household.

Being a mom means you are a multi-tasking manager of all things household: meals, practices, appointments, and more. It's an overwhelming role that requires good organization, time management, and cooperation between spouses to keep things running smoothly.

In a Reddit parenting thread, member u/Weekendengineerr got vulnerable about the overwhelming responsibility she feels when it comes to managing her family's schedule. She shared, "The 'invisible' work of family scheduling is making me resent my partner. How do you manage [your family's schedules]?"

Fellow moms heard her plea. To help spark some idea for success as a family manager, 14 mothers shared their best family management advice and tips.

 mom, moms, mother, super mom, mom life Mothers Day Snl GIF by Saturday Night Live  Giphy  

"We use a big calendar on the wall in the kitchen area. That way at meal time we can discuss upcoming events and the kids check it too." —u/royalic

"We do this too. Also, there is a firm rule that if it’s not on the calendar, it doesn’t exist. So if you forget to put your thing on the calendar before there’s a conflict, that is your problem to deal with, not anyone else’s. That likely means calling so and so and saying 'I forgot to put you on the calendar, I have to cancel, I am now standing next to my calendar…' if it is something that can be rescheduled rather than just missed." —u/dixpourcentmerci

 calendar, wall calendar, calendar, calendar gif, calendar on wall mia farrow calendar GIF  Giphy  

"Yes! We have a dry erase weekly calendar in the kitchen and each family member (there's only 3 of us) has a color so it's easy to see what the week looks like. Of course, I write out the calendar every Sunday so it's still on me more than my husband. But he does more than his fair share of cooking and cleaning so I don't mind being the scheduler as much." —u/on-purpose810

"I divided it. I told him from now on, you're responsible for everything regarding the kids' extracurriculars. Here's the contact info you're going to need, and this is the website. From now on, if anything is forgotten it's not my fault. Were there missteps? Yes. Did he forget stuff? Also yes. Did I relent? No. Did he eventually learn from his mistakes? Yes." —u/I-Really-Hate-Fish

"We leaned heavily into our phone calendar. We don’t use a shared google calendar but just invite each other to every appt added. It took awhile for us to get used to it but now everything from doctors appointments to potential play dates to friends flying into town to library trips are in there."—u/kitethrulife

 calendar, electronic calendar, email calendar, organized, time management GIF by The Hills  Giphy  

"I LOVE our skylight calendar so much that I sound like a paid Skylight influencer. It has made my life 100% less stressful because it's so much easier to keep up with the schedule now. We were using 2 white board calendars on the fridge, which was okay but not helpful for longer term planning or if I was anywhere else. The app is on everyone's phone, so even my 12 year old can add things to the schedule if he learns about an extra band practice at school or something. He can also check to see if he has anything happening after school. When my husband takes the kids to the doctor and has to schedule a follow up, he can look at the app on his phone and make sure there aren't conflicts (so I don't have to call back later and reschedule 😬) The physical calendar on the kitchen counter means that it's everyone's responsibility to know something is happening, not just mine. There's a routine/chore function that's been helpful this summer and less work than (me, of course) writing a schedule on a white board every day." —u/chellerator

"What really helped us was that my partner took the majority of parenting for a while. After a few months he came to me and said 'you know the google calendar, it’s really really useful.' I just didn’t do anything. He picked up the kids, took them to practice, had to communicate if something went wrong, etc." —u/DuoNem

"A few years into our marriage I sat my husband down and I listed ALL the tasks that require my attention on a daily, weekly and monthly basis. Then I told him he had to take on some of them and get them off my plate before I lose my sh*t. It took a few weeks before it caught on without the need to revisit the list but we are now 15 years into marriage and I have not had to schedule a doctors appointment for the kids in ages, I have never stepped foot in their dentist office cuz dad does that. I don’t make breakfast or pack lunches cuz dad does that and when I’m at the grocery store he is the person I call to see if we have to get more of something. We also tried The Fair Play Deck (based on the book Fair Play by Eve Rodsky) as well which is a set of cards with tasks on it and each person chooses what tasks they will be responsible for. It was helpful to visually see the tasks piling up with each card." —u/Main_Push5429

  - YouTube  www.youtube.com  

"A few things:

  1. I have two big acrylic wall calendars like this in a super prominent part of the house. It covers this month and next month and everything goes on it, including regular activities, appointments, etc. I fill out all the regular stuff at the beginning of the month like practices etc. and then we add appointments as soon as they are made. I find two months really crucial because then you have some grace with the “we forgot to update it” memory lapses. https://circleandsquaredecor.com/products/frostedacrylicmonthly-thecraig-vertical0box-18-5x23
  2. I add his phone number and email to every form I fill out so that he is also on the correspondence that gets sent out. He gets text reminders for appointments, school emails, etc.
  3. Mine is allergic to the phone, so I still manage most phone call scheduling. But I finally was like “bro, have you ever heard of an online portal?” So now I can just be like “I need you to schedule this thing.”
  4. Have your husband be keeper of the backpacks. He can be in charge of emptying and filling them and adding important dates to the calendar, signing permission forms, etc." —u/OneTimePSAStar
"My husband has ADHD. He is an AMAZING father and fantastic at his job. But his brain is spent in the evenings when his meds wear off. Its been a process of us working together to get him to the point of managing. We use Cozi. Our kids are a bit older (13, almost 16, and almost 19) and we have been using it for years. Everyone has it on their phones and everyone is responsible for adding any plans they make. When we implemented the calendar I really drove home that if its not on the calendar its not happening. I also 'nagged' everyone into the habit of checking it first thing every morning so they know what the day brings. Kids want to have a friend over? Check the calendar before asking. If anyone asks me when, where, or what time something is happening I simply say "Check the calendar". We also use it for some 'reminders'. For example I put on there 'Check for drivers test dates' for 30 days before my middle daughters 16th birthday. Important info is added in the notes - who is driving? Do they need to bring anything? Its taken some time and mental labor on my part but these days it runs pretty smoothly. There were failures and missed appointments along the way but we all survived." —u/sdpeasha

 reminder, reminders, don't forget, helpful reminder, remind me Point Remember GIF  Giphy  

"We do it based on kids. I know sometimes like for dentist, you may take both, but one person does almost everything for one kids, and other person for the other. School clothes, permission slips, teacher gifts, etc and the. That person puts it in the other persons calendar too. Works pretty well." —u/mrsjlm
"Because I’m a stepmom, my husband is the one who is in charge of the scheduling in the house. Our solution is twofold: an up-to-date Google calendar, and a dry-erase calendar of the month in the kitchen. The Google calendar is what my husband and I already used individually, so we keep our personal calendars separate and just share them with each other. He also created a calendar for his kids, to help me see the custody schedule and their sports events. While he’s mostly in charge of the kids’ digital calendar, I’m the one who writes up the dry erase calendar at the beginning of every month, which shows all of our events for the coming weeks. This way, even though I’m not in charge of the scheduling, I am putting things on the calendar so that I have visibility and nothing comes as a surprise. The night before any events or hectic days, we take a minute to go over who’s driving who where the next day. Sometimes I’ll ask my husband to text it to me even though we’re talking about it in person, so that the driving part is documented and I can double check the plan if needed." —u/Anon-eight-billion

 dry erase, dry erase board, dry erase calendar, dry erase gif, dry erase marker Erase Parks And Recreation GIF by PeacockTV  Giphy  

"Shared notes on notes app on iPhone. There is shopping lists with check boxes and when one person adds something to any of the lists or notes the other person or anyone else it’s shared with gets a notification saying who has updated one of the lists." —u/Fit_Woodpecker_3333
"Some reading that might help you both have a productive conversation together: The gender wars of household chores: a feminist comic and She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes by the Sink ." —u/anonymous_redditor_0

Maternal instinct in no way equals perfect parenting.

One thing you discover when you become a parent is that no parent is perfect. From the start, we are flying by the seat of our pants trying to figure out how to best care for the wee one in our care, and as the oh-so-true cliche goes, they don't come with a manual.

Apparently, the same is true for cats. A compilation of cat moms, purportedly on their first time around as mothers, is making the rounds, partly because it's hilarious and partly because it's painfully relatable. While we humans don't tend to suddenly thwap our babies for no apparent reason, we do accidentally hurt them, blame the wrong kid for a misdeed, overreact, and more on occasion. I mean, I never inadvertently dropped my baby into a garbage can, but I'd bet dollars to donuts that some mom has at some point.

Watch:

 

Thankfully, like kids, kittens are resilient and these moms and their questionable maternal instincts had people cackling. Naturally, the comments are gold:

"Call cps cat protective services."

"She just threw that baby away. 😂"

"Do the 9 lives start before or after parenting?"

"Okay that last one though…with the smothering & the eye-twitching…us mums can all empathize with that one."

 cats, mama cat, kitten, maternal instincts, parenting Mama cats don't always have the gentlest instincts.Photo credit: Canva

"The poor kittens in the white box are clearly used to it. 'Yep that's my mom.'"

"They grew up in the 80s…they will be fine."

"Being raised by a cat is an experience."

"I'm not saying it's right. I'm not saying I do any of this. But I am saying I understand."

Another relatable cat mom video shows the opposing instinct that we all share: to protect our babies from anything that might harm them. I may have accidentally given my baby a black eye when I was carrying her and leaned over too close to the fireplace mantel corner once, but I would also wrestle an angry bear to protect her.

Check out these mama bear—or mama cat, rather—instincts in action:

@vandreleipioli

Mom is not playing ❤️‍🔥#funnyvideos #pet #fypツ #cutecat #catsoftiktok #kitty #funnyanimals #catlover #catmom

 


Again, the comments are spot on.

"That first one 'don't you fat shame my baby!'"

"Mama cats are either super sweet about their babies or absolutely vicious about them lmao there’s no in between."

"Cats do not play when it comes to their babies 🤣🤣🤣🤣."

"They say mama bear buuuut mama cat should be a thing too. them cats ain't playin when it comes to they kids js."

 cats, mama cats, kitten, maternal instincts, cat moms Cat moms can get overwhelmed, too.Photo credit: Canva

On the other hand, some people shared that they had deadbeat—or at the very least exhausted—cat moms:

"Meanwhile my momma cat would drop her kids off with me and dip. She did NOT want to watch them kids all the time."

"When my cat had kittens every time I came back from school she was like 'finally... take these baby's PLEASE.'"

Another thing moms of various species share is the instinct to do something when our babies cry. Research shows that human mothers' brains have a specific, universal response to babies crying that those who aren't mothers don't, and it appears mama cats aren't much different.

Watch this mama cat come running from far away when she hears her kitten's mewing (and be sure to stay for the entertaining end):

  - YouTube  youtube.com  

 

Priscilla wants us to know that mama cats may be mamas, but they're still cats and will not be told what to do.

"You're not for the streets Priscilla Had me dying. Backtalk meow. 😂"

"The amount of sass that Pricilla’s meow had was incredible."

"'You’re not for the streets Priscilla.' 'No, the streets are for me.'"

"😂 called her back like “You have a child at home maam."

"Their sense of hearing is amazing! It’s on the level of a superhero with superhero powers! She heard her baby’s squeal all the way down there! Goes to show you, when you call them and they don’t come, it’s because they don’t feel like it!"

Yup.

Here's to all the moms who would step in front of a train for their babies but who also fall far short of perfect parents every day. We see you, no matter your species.

Kids

5-year-old getting blood drawn psyches himself up through tears with the best pep talk

"Heck yeah!" This little cancer warrior is helping everyone who hates needles find courage.

Screenshots courtesy of @morganprains/TikTok

Reece has become a viral hero for how he handles his biweekly blood draws.

Very few people enjoy being poked with needles, and a good percentage of the adult population is actively afraid of it. So it's no surprise when young kids cry when it's time for a shot or when they have to get their blood taken. Who can blame them? It sucks.

For Morgan Handley's son, Reece, that discomfort is not just a once-a-year ordeal, but a more-than-once-a-weekly one. The 5-year-old was diagnosed with leukemia three years ago at age 2 and has to get his blood drawn regularly. The way he psyches himself up for it—despite clearly being upset by it—has people cheering him on and inspired to take the same approach to hard things they don't want to do.

Watch:


 
@morganprains

Just my 5 year olds version of a pep talk for his lab draw this week…. He’s had his labs done at least bi weekly for almost 3 years 🥹🤣 #fyp #childhoodcancerawareness #roarlikeReece #fcancer

 

His "Heck yeah! Do it. Just do it." would be enough on its own, but the enthusiastic "Yeah, boy! That's what I'm talkin' about!" is such a flex. The little warrior clearly knows what works for him, and his courage through his tears is exactly what we all wish we could muster when we're going through something hard.

Handley tells Upworthy that it's something he's internalized from the family. "We pep him up, always, but it’s carried over over the years," she says. "And now he just naturally does it, even to us when we have things that have to get done!"

People loved how he handled it:

"Him crying while cheering himself on broke my heart and made me laugh at the same time."

"He figured out it's mind over matter!"

"He handled that better than some grown men I know! Hahah"

 blood draw, needles, fear of needles, trypanophobia, getting blood taken Many grown men don't handle getting their blood taken very well.Photo credit: Canva

"I don't even have kids and I want to get him whatever toys he wants after this."

"Look at that brave little guy! He pep talked himself through the anxiety and pain!!"

Handley shared that Reece is set to ring the bell—declaring that he's cancer-free—in July of 2025. It's been a long road to get there. He was diagnosed with leukemia in September of 2022 after going to the ER for fever blisters that had turned into a rash around his mouth and what seemed like an allergic reaction. Noticing Reece looked pale, the ER doctor took his blood and found a white cell count of 80,000, which was an indication of leukemia. After being transferred to the children's hospital, doctors rechecked his blood cell count and confirmed it.

That's where the family's cancer journey began, meeting with doctors, coming up with a plan, and starting treatment, which has consisted of chemotherapy, weekly labs, multiple surgeries, spinal taps, immunotherapy, steroids, and more. He was able to start immunotherapy treatment as part of a St. Jude's trial, which has been shown to reduce relapse rates. Immunotherapy treatment is now part of standard protocol, says Handley.

"Treatment has been decently smooth," she tells Upworthy. "He has sensitive skin so lots of rashes to every medicine ever. Steroids do a number on kids. In the beginning he stopped walking, but he overall hasn’t had terrible reactions. Immunotherapy was a smooth part of treatment."

 
@morganprains

Replying to @Hannah Fountain sorry it’s so long 😆 #fcancer #childhoodcancerawareness #diagnosis

 

Reece's specific form of leukemia is acute lymphocytic (or lymphoblastic) leukemia (ALL), a cancer of the bone marrow and blood that progresses rapidly and creates immature blood cells rather than mature ones. It's the most common form of childhood cancer, according to the Mayo Clinic. Thankfully, it's now more treatable than many other forms of cancer, with a high survival rate, especially for those diagnosed as young children.

Handley shared another video that illustrates how much of a day-by-day process it is go to through cancer treatment as a child. She said how Reece deals with blood draws "depends on the day."

@morganprains

Replying to @Morgan Handley truly an inspiration. I’m so proud of this kid. He is a literal hero. The unfortunate reality is needle pokes are a frequent occurrence in cancer treatment. Most days he just makes the best of it 🥹🤪❤️‍🩹 #childhoodcancerawareness #roarlikeReece

People in the comments have been encouraging and some have even shared their own stories with childhood leukemia, offering hope to Handley and her family.

"My brother was also diagnosed with leukemia at 2 - remission at 5. I was born right after he was diagnosed. So much similarity. He’s been cancer free for 35 years…praying for y’all!"

"My sister was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia at age 2 as well and beat it by the age of 6. It stunted her growth significantly but other than that she’s 25 and thriving!!"

 

"I had a hemoglobin of 4 the day I was diagnosed with ALL at 6 years old. Very pale, very weak. Biggest clue was I couldn’t keep up in PE & my mom had a gut feeling. I’ve been cancer free for almost 28 years now. I also became a nurse because of this experience. Much love to you all."

"My oldest boy was 3 when he was diagnosed with stage 3 Clear Cell Sarcoma. He is now cancer free and 8 years old. We had another boy and expecting our little girl in October. I pray your little boy a long healthy life he deserves."

However, an increase in positive outcomes doesn't make treatment any more enjoyable or the process any easier for a parent.

"I want people to know how hard it is to watch you kid lose himself and struggle with simple kid things because you’re trying to save his life," says Handley. "I want people to know that the reality is living in fear of death for your child. Everyday. Relapse, everyday. But celebrating every single good thing that comes."

@morganprains

Replying to @Belinda_H12 thank you for this 🧡 #childhoodcancerawareness

She calls Reece "a literal superhero," and people agree. Seeing how this kiddo had learned to take on his challenges with gusto-filled resilience and enthusiasm is something we can all learn from.

You can follow Morgan Handley for more updates on TikTok.