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Need to have a tough talk with your kid? Doctor suggests to have it in your car.

A great piece of advice for those "awkward but important" talks every parent must have.

@beachgem10/TikTok

Dr. Meghan Martin explains why tough conversations are best kept for the car.

As much as modern parents prioritize open, honest communication with their kids, there are still some talks that will always feel challenging to have.

But according to Dr. Meghan Martin, a pediatric emergency room physician and mom of four with a hefty social media following, making those awkward conversations just a little smoother all comes down to location, location, location.

“Those awkward, but really important conversations that you need to have with your kids The birds and the bees, protection, drugs, all of that stuff: have those conversations in the car,” “ she says in a clip posted to her TikTok.

Martin declared that this “brilliant” insight given to her by best friend, handle @teawiththeteach, is the “best piece of parenting advice” she’s ever received.

Here’s why.

“You have your hands on the wheel, you are looking straight ahead, you do not have to be making eye contact with anyone talking about the birds and the bees and the parts and the drugs or whatever that conversation is about that day. You also have a captive audience that is literally seat belted in behind you,” she explained.

Not having to maintain intense eye contact makes the entire conversation less embarrassing and vulnerable for everyone involved. And where there’s less embarrassment, there’s more room for things to actually be heard.

Plus, unlike having a talk at home, which already has serious undertones, cars are instantly more casual, making things less of a “big deal,” Martin noted. Just think, wouldn't it be nice to instantly throw on an upbeat playlist after having one of these chats…rather than sitting in awkward silence?

Martin herself has tried this approach with her two older kids, and said the car has now become a “safe place” for things to be talked about. They even bring up their own questions to discuss.


@beachgem10 Replying to @user2271606969875 The best piece parenting advice was from @teawiththeteach and she said to have uncomfortable conversations with kids in the car #parenting #advice #thebirdsandthebees #conversation ♬ original sound - Beachgem10

“I’m starting to have these conversations with my younger kids,” she concluded, “and I want to emphasize how important it is to talk about these issues early so that when you get to that older teen/pre-teen time that it’s not the first time they’re hearing about it.”

Martin isn’t the only one to have tried car talk either. Many folks in the comments shared how they have successfully brought up difficult subjects on car trips.

“Yes, my oldest is 26 and I still have big conversations with him in the car. At that age I wait until we’re on the interstate so he can’t jump out,” one person wrote.

“I love the car for tough conversations even with my spouse,” added another.

A few recalled having their own tough car conversations as kids.

“My mom ALWAYS did this,”one viewer said, adding “I still get anxiety in the car with her wondering what she is going to bring up and I have my own family now. ... I am glad she did and that she cared enough to have those conversations.”

Another parent even shared how they added in one other element to make for smoother discussions, writing ““I did this. Add an ice cream cone to connect something enjoyable for the brain to connect to. My boys would ask for ice cream drives when they had something serious they wanted to discuss.”

Other resources have pondered other factors that make conversations seem to flow easier in a car, like the close proximity, limited distractions, and the changing scenery which helps create the sense that we’re not stuck with a problem. An article posted in Symptoms of Living also surmises that having a shared destination and facing the same direction also play a big part.

Having big talks with kids might be difficult, but it’s all an integral part of being a parent. Hopefully this tidbit can make things easier for everyone involved.

Just remember to have that upbeat playlist at the ready!

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Family

Gen X mom shares the revelations she got after her son gave her an ultimatum

If she didn't go to therapy, they would have no contact.

@fiftiesrediscovery/TikTok

One Gen X shares some amazing revelations she had in therapy

Not that long ago, the thought of adult children choosing estrangement from their parents would have been seen as fairly atypical, even if their parents engaged in toxic behavior. But now, many trauma-informed millennials and Gen Zers are going the low-to-no-contact route—as many as 25% of young adults, according to The Hill.

But even if it is becoming more common, that doesn’t mean it’s an easy choice to make. It often comes after multiple failed attempts to improve communication, set healthy boundaries and establish a healthy dynamic.

And for many older parents, who didn’t grow up with nearly as much readily available mental health information, being asked to take accountability by their children can be triggering. So then stubbornness sets in, disguising itself as “not being controlled.” This leaves no one really getting what they want though, which is, presumably, a parent-child relationship.

But if older parents can find it within themselves to do the work their children desperately ask for, and try to come at the situation with an open mind rather than being defensive, healing is possible. Just take this mom’s word for it.

As one Gen X mom (who goes by @fiftiesrediscovery or Fabulous Fifties) shared on TikTok, her adult son gave her an ultimatum: go to therapy or there would be no contact.

One viewer asked this mom how she could discern whether an ultimatum like this was actually abuse. Fabulous Fifties completely understood where this person was coming from.

"I so get this. Because when I started this journey, I thought that same thing," she said, adding that she expected her kids to “step up in some way” in exchange for her agreeing to therapy.

So Fabulous Fifties went to fix a relationship with her son. Or so she thought. In actuality, she got to work on herself. And in that process, many things began to click.

"We started digging into my trauma, and I went, oh, wait a minute, my mom was traumatized. And then she handed it down to me, and then I handed it down to my kids,” she shared. “And now the relationship between me and my kids is like this.”

@fiftiesrediscovery Replying to @treefairy5 #healingtrauma #traumatherapy #intergenerationaltrauma ♬ original sound - Fabulous fifties!!

“Why is that?" she said, answering that younger generations have “access to mental health information” her generation simply did not, making them more able to spot and respond to harmful patterns, rather than internalize them like many older age groups have been forced to.

"They know what toxic is. They understand what trauma is. And even if they haven't worked their way out of that trauma yet, they know what a toxic mom is."

After having these types of revelations and continuing to do the work on herself, the relationship between Fabulous Fifties and her son began to repair itself naturally. She was even able to help her kids heal, simply by healing herself.

Furthermore, it gave her a better understanding of her son’s given ultimatum. Instead of labeling it as “abuse,” she now recognizes it as “trauma.”

“They weren't abusing me. They were coming from a place of pain,” she said, even being able to own that the source of the pain were mistakes she made as a mom.

Fabulous Fifties now considers herself a cycle breaker of generational trauma, and helps others on similar journeys by sharing what she’s learned along the way.

Coming face-to-face with our shadows and rewriting years upon years of subconscious patterns isn’t an easy, comfortable or even short process. But this story shows that it can be extremely worthwhile, if only we can muster the courage and patience to do it.

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Pop Culture

Spanish TV star becomes mother and grandmother of her deceased son's child through surrogacy

Ana Obregón's son died of cancer in 2020, and she said his dying wish was to have a child.

20minutos.es/Wikimedia

Ana Obregón has grandbaby via surrogate.

Losing a child is tragic no matter their age, and many parents would do whatever they could to preserve their child's memory or fulfill their final wishes. If you ask Spanish TV star, Ana Obregón, that's exactly what she did when she decided to welcome a grandchild through surrogacy.

The actress's decision is causing a lot of conversation and backlash for multiple reasons. In Spain, surrogacy is illegal and the sperm of a deceased loved one can only be used to impregnate the widow up to 12 months after the husband's death, according to CNN. This detail didn't deter Obregón.

The grandmother used a surrogate and egg donor from the United States, where surrogacy is legal, and Obregón's grandchild is an American citizen. Ana Sandra Lequio Obregón was born in Miami, Florida March 20, Obregón told Hola! magazine.

The discussions in Spain, aside from the ethical concerns, are related to the legality of bringing a baby born via surrogate back to Spain where the procedure is illegal. It seems that Obregón will not be in any legal trouble though, as the baby is legally her daughter, though biologically her granddaughter.

While people may be perplexed or even uncomfortable with the dual title of Obregón, it should be noted that grandparents legally adopt their grandchildren all the time if circumstances warrant it. This then gives the grandparent who adopts dual titles as parent and grandparent. One of the most famous examples of this situation is Olympic athlete Simone Biles.

“This girl isn’t my daughter, but my granddaughter,” Obregón told Hola! “She is Aless’ daughter and when she grows up I will tell her that her father was a hero.”

But some people in Spain are having strong feelings about the morality of conceiving a grandchild in this manner, with a philosophy professor likening it to an episode of "Black Mirror," according to CNN. The naysayers aren't deterring the new grandmother's excitement, though. Obregón told Hola! it took three years to conceive her grandchild, explaining that though it was a long process, it is what has kept the 68-year-old alive.

In the caption of her Instagram post sharing the interview, Obregón wrote, "My Aless: I swore I would save you from cancer, and I failed you. I promised you I'd bring your daughter into the world and here she is in my arms."

"When I hug her, it's an indescribable feeling because it's as if I were hugging you again," she continued. "I swear that I will take care of her with the infinite love that I have to give, and from heaven, you will help me."

The new grandmother finished her heartfelt post, written in Spanish, by saying that her son was the love of her life in heaven while his daughter is now the love of her life on Earth.

While the process to have a grandchild through surrogacy isn't something that is traditional or common, it seems to be what worked for Obregón. She's even open to having more grandchildren via surrogacy since her son reportedly wanted a large family.

The grandmother and granddaughter are still in the United States awaiting the baby's American passport to fly home to Spain. In the meantime, here's hoping for safe travels, a happy healthy baby, and hopefully a nanny because sleep deprivation at 68 is probably a whole different level of exhaustion.

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An open letter to my ex-husband's future wife.

You must be cringing as you read this.

You must be thinking I’m going to school you on how to treat your new boyfriend. You must be thinking I’m going to lay down some laws about how to treat my children.

That is not at all what this letter is about.

I would like to welcome you.

Welcome to this unique dynamic of “modern family.”

Welcome to the way we wing this life and this relationship. Yes, I said relationship, but not by its standard definition.

The children keep us in a relationship, much like your work keeps you in a relationship with your boss. If success is the goal, whether in work or parenting, the relationship between those who strive for that is important. I will not fill this letter with none-of-my-business type advice on how to treat a man I have known since I was 20. I won’t tell you anything that is personal about him; anything that he chooses to share is between you two. I’m not going to tell you why things did not work between us. All I will say on the subject of us is what I say to everyone:

"To me, he’s a great guy — for someone else."

This might sound weird, but I’m so excited about you.

My sons will see a side of their father they don’t even know they missed. They’ll witness the kind of happiness that blooms from the excitement, joy, and mystery that comes with a new relationship. They’ll see their father beaming with hope. They’ll hear him laugh (too much and too loud, as they’ve reported to us) and speak with a new charm in his voice. And because they love and admire him, all of these things will make them happier too.

Photo via iStock.

I want you to know that it is so important to be yourself around us. Please don’t ever feel threatened, intimidated, or out of place around us. Just like you, we are also fumbling through the newness of your place in our lives. We trust that if you are good enough for him, you are good enough for us. We expect you to have quirks, flaws, and a uniqueness about you that might leave us scratching our heads from time to time.

And we don’t want you to change a thing.

Don’t ever feel like you can’t speak to me, my (new) husband, or any of the boys.

Photo via iStock.

Say anything. Or say nothing at all. Please be you.

You’re going to see us (the kids, mostly, but also my current husband and me) quite often. You’re going to find yourself sitting with us at concerts, plays, games, graduations, and many other events. It will feel awkward at first, maybe, but I hope that changes quickly. While the kids know very well their father and I are divorced and done, they need to know we are united in our support of them, and this is one of the many ways we will unapologetically display that support.

I want them to look out at the audience while on stage and see all of us together watching them with pride and excitement. Many of my friends have asked me if sitting between their father and stepfather feels weird. I have done weirder things to esteem, encourage, teach, and build my sons. (Singing ridiculous songs about potty training is the first that comes to my mind.) This is no sweat. I ask that you join us (when you are ready) and become part of the united front that supports them unconditionally.

Say anything. Or say nothing at all. Please be you.

You may find yourself sitting through conversations between him and me. Please understand that we need to communicate in order to run our successful “business” of raising amazing humans. Sometimes we need to do it often. And along with the trust I mentioned in the former paragraph, there is trust you will know when it’s appropriate to chime in. Should you ever feel uncomfortable or insignificant during times like this, I ask that you look at the bigger picture and keep in mind that our communication outside the subject of our children is almost nonexistent.

He will never call to ask me advice on fashion (which is a good thing because I have none!).

He won’t call me to chat about a TV show he enjoys.

He won’t call me to complain about his work day.

Our relationship revolves around three growing boys. While other subjects may arise while we’re in the same space for a long period of time, please know that my role in his life is “mother of his children.”

Nothing more.

I give you a lot of credit for embarking on a relationship with a father of teenage boys!

This is new to them too, and they have no idea what to do or say around you. They are teenagers with their own lives, hopes, dreams, and intentions, and they may not always be at their best. I ask that as you become more of a presence in their lives, you get to know them individually.

My hope is that as time goes by and you are around them more, you’ll have a unique relationship with each of them. This will take deliberate work and effort. And at times it won’t be easy, much like anything else worthwhile.

Carefully and respectfully, I welcome you.

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