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UK's new bereavement law recognizes that trauma women feel after having miscarriage

Other countries should follow the UK's example.

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Women and their partners need time to grieve after a miscarriage.

One of the greatest tragedies of having a miscarriage is that they are primarily a private affair, grieved mainly by the mother. Because it happens behind closed doors, there is often a lack of public acknowledgment or support for the family. Healthcare professionals typically tell the mother they will forget about the miscarriage after they have a successful pregnancy, but unfortunately, the pain often lingers, and not all go on to conceive.

"Because it is medically common, the impact of miscarriage is often underestimated," says Janet Jaffe, PhD, co-author of the 2010 book Reproductive Trauma: Psychotherapy with Infertility and Pregnancy Loss Clients, told the American Psychological Association. "But miscarriage is a traumatic loss, not only of the pregnancy, but of a woman's sense of self and her hopes and dreams of the future. She has lost her ‘reproductive story,' and it needs to be grieved."

What's the psychological impact of a miscarriage?

Studies show that having a miscarriage is an incredibly traumatic experience, with 29% of mothers in the UK meeting the criteria for post-traumatic stress disorder after losing a pregnancy. A miscarriage is also known to lead to extreme feelings of guilt, anxiety, and depression. In most of the world, women who've miscarried are forced to carry on with life as if they had a routine health issue.

A young women sitting on a blurred beach with her head in one handThe grief can take years. via Canva/Photos

That’s about to change in the United Kingdom, where the country is strengthening its laws to help parents who have experienced a miscarriage. UK Parliament is set to pass a new employment rights bill that would add two weeks of bereavement leave to parents if they have suffered a pregnancy loss before 24 weeks’ gestation. Parents in the UK already have a right to bereavement leave for having lost a child or suffered a stillbirth after 24 weeks of gestation. The new law will cover parents from conception.

The new protections would affect the nearly 250,000 expectant mothers in the UK who suffer a miscarriage every year. It’s estimated that 10 to 20% of pregnancies in the UK end in miscarriages, although that number may be higher because many go unreported.

After the bill is passed into law, the UK will join New Zealand, India, Germany, and the Philippines in guaranteeing bereavement time off for those who have experienced a miscarriage.

A January report from the UK Parliament’s Women and Equalities Committee found that the evidence for the bereavement policy was “overwhelming” and that it should benefit both parents.

“Miscarriages and pregnancy losses can be devastating for women and their families with both emotional and physical consequences. As the data shows, such experiences are sadly not uncommon, and yet current legislation has not caught up with this stark reality,” WEC’s Chair Labour MP Sarah Owen, said, according to the report. “The case for a minimum standard in law is overwhelming. A period of paid leave should be available to all women and partners who experience a pre-24-week pregnancy loss. It’s time to include bereavement leave for workers who miscarry in new employment rights laws.”

The employment rights bill is expected to pass its final hurdles in the House of Commons next week.


Do Americans get bereavement leave for having a miscarriage?

Unfortunately, the United States has a long way to go when it comes to miscarriage bereavement. Only 5 of the 50 states, California, Maryland, Illinois, Oregon, and Washington, have employee bereavement laws, and all of them cover having a miscarriage. However, the amount of time varies between states. When it comes to private companies in the U.S that have bereavement benefits, around 24% of them cover miscarriage.

The UK bereavement bill is a step in the right direction for the people of the UK, and it sheds light on a hidden trauma that many couples go through but few discuss publicly. It also sets a precedent by showing the rest of the world that parents who've had miscarriages deserve real support.

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Adrienne Bailon-Houghton reveals the frustrating reality of surrogacy with a message to moms

"Your journey to motherhood is your journey."

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Adrienne Bailon-Houghton talks about the reality of surrogacy.

No matter how you become a mother, the journey is worth it. But oftentimes people omit the negative parts for many reasons, whether it's a desire to not make people feel bad for them or to not appear ungrateful. Thankfully, the taboo around the hard topics of infertility and pregnancy have been lifting, and people are feeling more free to express themselves.

Recently, Adrienne Bailon-Houghton, former co-star of "The Cheetah Girls" and co-host of "The Real," revealed her own struggles with infertility and the mixed feelings that came along with it. While we know Bailon-Houghton eventually welcomed a son, Ever James, via surrogate, this is the first time we've heard the unexpected revelation of the new mom feeling frustrated by the surrogacy process.

During the time leading up to finding a surrogate, Bailon-Houghton and her husband, Isreal Houghton, tried to conceive for six years.

When people dream about having a baby, the thought of an extended infertility journey likely isn't something that's top of mind. It seems like a lot of people get pregnant just from sitting near someone on a city bus, so the idea that it may take years to finally welcome your own child feels unbelievable. But for some, that's a reality, and Bailon-Houghton is sharing what that has been like for her.

The actor has been open more recently about experiencing eight miscarriages and attempting IVF, which turned out to also be unsuccessful. Bailon-Houghton told Today.com that she didn't know that infertility was going to be part of her journey.

"I mean, I should have known initially when I did my (first) egg retrieval. My girlfriend was doing it at the same time as me and she got 18 eggs. When I did my retrieval, I got four," Bailon-Houghton shared with the outlet.

The former talk show co-host went on to explain that up until that point in her life she had never heard of a failed cycle, but sadly, all four of Bailon-Houghton's fertilized eggs were not viable to be transferred. After multiple failed IVF attempts, the couple was told that they had one fertilized egg left, and their doctor suggested surrogacy, according to People.

The surrogate got pregnant on the first attempt at implantation and the countdown to her son's birthday began. But for Bailon-Houghton, she was having some unexpected emotions around surrogacy. The actor told Today.com that she felt robbed of the experience of carrying a child.

"It sounds so stupid—so superficial," she said to Today.com. "But I felt robbed of maternity photos. I wanted to feel the movement of a baby inside me. I wanted my husband to experience my pregnant body. I imagined my son being born, and now had other people in this room that were not a part of what I imagined."

Feeling frustrated or even angry about the journey of surrogacy is likely more common than people realize, so it's refreshing to hear someone talk about those complicated emotions. And it turns out, Bailon-Houghton wasn't down to just one egg as her doctor believed. After more testing, it was discovered that she had five more eggs left, according to People, and she plans on trying to carry them herself.

The star had some words of encouragement for moms who may be experiencing infertility.

"Your journey to motherhood is your journey," Bailon-Houghton told Today.com. "No one can rob you of that—infertility can't even rob you of that. Ask yourself: 'Why do you have the desire to be a mom so deeply?' Ultimately, it comes down to love. So if your ultimate goal is motherhood, keep your eye on that and don't worry about what happens during the process."

But her encouragement didn't stop there. The new mom and her husband started the Faith and Familia Foundation, which helps other couples struggling with infertility with money for IVF so they can start their families.

Watch her interview with Hoda and Jenna below:

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Celebrity

Chrissy Teigen just learned her 2020 miscarriage was an abortion. She's not alone.

'I remember reading "spontaneous abortion" in my medical records after a very much wanted pregnancy that ended in miscarriage. It was devastating to read that.'

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Chrissy Teigen learned her miscarriage was an abortion.

Having a miscarriage is a devastating experience for most people that have experienced one. No one goes into a wanted pregnancy expecting this sad outcome, and for Chrissy Teigen and others like her, having a miscarriage later in pregnancy is beyond what most people can imagine. But two years ago, Teigen lost her son Jack at 20 weeks, after a complicated pregnancy that landed her in the hospital. Eventually, it was determined that to save Teigen's life, the hospital would need to deliver the baby only halfway through her pregnancy. After some time processing the loss of her son, Teigen came to understand that what she had was, in fact, an abortion.

Since she shared the news recently at a summit called "A Day of Unreasonable Conversation," people have been lambasting the expectant mom wondering how she couldn't know. When I first heard about the criticism of her sharing her discovery, it knocked the wind out of me. One in four women experience a miscarriage and I happen to be one of them. Most people know someone who has experienced a miscarriage and they've hopefully treated them with care and compassion, but few people know what comes next for those of us who have miscarried babies.

After getting through the tears, depression and haze of having had this experience, insurance paperwork shows up in your mailbox or you happen to look over the discharge papers from the hospital and you read the words "spontaneous abortion" in the diagnosis section. If you've had a D&C (dilation and curettage) or D&E (dilation and evacuation), the paperwork may only read "abortion." It reads this way because it's a medical term, even though it's a term that has become emotionally charged.

There are women like Teigen who may have been told something much less harsh when they miscarried. Doctors do their best to not cause extra duress on the person losing a child, so sentences like "we have to induce" or "we have to deliver" are used when they can, instead of words like "terminate" or "abortion."

No matter the situation, oftentimes seeing the word "abortion" on your paperwork when the child you lost was very wanted can knock you off kilter. So many people have been where Teigen is, having the realization the procedure they had was classified as an abortion, even if their bodies completed the miscarriage on its own.

On a post about how Teigen may not have realized she had an abortion, hundreds of people shared their stories about learning what was written in their charts. One commenter, Jennifer, wrote, "I remember reading 'habitual aborter' in my medical record. It was horrible and anxiety inducing. I had three miscarriages back to back while trying very hard to have a baby. I was dealing with a lot. I was not ready to read that in my records."

Another commenter, Julie, said "I remember reading 'spontaneous abortion' in my medical records after a very much wanted pregnancy that ended in miscarriage. It was devastating to read that. There's a reason doctors and nurses don't use that term with women going through that."

Stephanie shared, "I had a D&E because I was bleeding so bad they were afraid I was going to bleed to death. Heartbeat was gone. 3 weeks later I opened the mail and opened up a report with the word ABORTION on it. I screamed and cried for two hours."

The comments go on and on full of people who had no idea what they had was considered an abortion. It's heartbreaking to know Teigen is facing such harsh criticism over her discovery. No one wants to become one in four and no one wants their experience invalidated by people who have never experienced the pain.

Medical terminology doesn't care about the political atmosphere. It doesn't care about how emotionally charged people get around seeing or hearing the word. Medical terminology is there so other doctors and insurance carriers know what's going on and doctors do their best to shield grieving parents from terms that may make things worse.

Teigen may never see the comments people leave, but family and friends will. I don't know if there will ever be a day where the word abortion doesn't elicit such a visceral reaction from people, but education around how the word is used could be a start.

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Moms rally around Chrissy Teigen after she cautiously announces pregnancy two years after a loss

"I don’t think I’ll ever walk out of an appointment with more excitement than nerves but so far, everything is perfect and beautiful and I’m feeling hopeful and amazing."

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Chrissy Teigen announces pregnancy.

Losing a baby is a tragedy at any stage of pregnancy, but losing a baby later in pregnancy can feel that much more devastating. Getting pregnant after loss is extremely anxiety-inducing, so when Chrissy Teigan cautiously announced she was pregnant with her fourth child, mothers who have experienced pregnancy loss collectively shared her apprehension.

In 2020, Teigen excitedly announced that she and her husband, singer John Legend, were expecting their third child and people were elated for them. But sadly the pregnancy ended at 20 weeks and the famous couple bravely shared the pictures of their beautiful son Jack with the world. The experience was understandably traumatic for the couple but their bravery in sharing the news allowed for others to open up about their own losses while offering support to the couple.

Now, two years later, the pair are expecting again and Teigen shared her apprehension on telling the world she was pregnant saying in part, "Every appointment I’ve said to myself, 'ok if it’s healthy today I’ll announce' but then I breathe a sigh of relief to hear a heartbeat and decide I’m just too nervous still." The supermodel continued, "I don’t think I’ll ever walk out of an appointment with more excitement than nerves but so far, everything is perfect and beautiful and I’m feeling hopeful and amazing."

Teigen isn't alone in her experience. Danielle Campoamor shared her own story in an essay on Today sharing her own experience with losing a baby at 19 weeks. About 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage and 1 in 100 end at or after the 20-week mark. Each year, 24,000 babies are stillborn in America. The number feels staggering and it's a subject that is not talked about enough as it's a club that no one wants to join. Teigen sharing her story and photos of losing her son Jack helped catapult the reality of infant loss into the spotlight.

So when the mom of three shared she was expecting again, the comments on Teigen's Instagram were filled with people wishing her well and sharing their experiences. One commenter, Hilari Seagears, wrote, "Girl! After 4 miscarriages im 7 months pregnant with no medical intervention. Can we say MIRACLE!? 😭 i feel you 100000000000%." While Robyn Oyung said, "CHRISSY MY EYES ARE IMMEDIATELY FULL OF TEARS I AM SO SO SO HAPPY FOR YOU AND THE FAMILY CONGRATULATIONS LOVE YOU 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥹🥹🥹."

The positive enveloping of the expectant mom did not stop there. LiShelle Trembath told the model, "Well done. The struggle to let yourself be happy and confident, is real and valid. You’re doing all the right things to honor Jack. He’d be so proud." While Ruth Kennedy sent her well wishes gently saying, "Gentle congratulations ❤️ I’m also pregnant after loss and can absolutely relate to the nerves and anxiety xx."

Of course there were celebrities in the comments as well, but the amount of mothers that are showering Teigen with love and well wishes were overwhelming. We are wishing Teigen and all the people experiencing pregnancy after loss healthy and smooth pregnancies.

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