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mindfulness

Internet

20-year-olds are sharing their 'hardest pills to swallow' about becoming adults

"You have to decide what you want to eat for every meal for the rest of your life."

Photo credit: Canva

Sometimes these harsh truths ultimately help us become better people.

When we’re kids, we can’t wait to finally be grown up. Then, before ya know it, BAM! You get your wish. You’re a grown up. And you learn the hard way that while having more freedom and independence is awesome, being an adult isn’t all perks. Not by a longshot.

Recently, Redditor u/BluebirdIll6390 asked, "What's the hardest pill to swallow in your early twenties?"

While answers varied, one huge theme was the harsh reality of having to hold ourselves accountable. It’s up to us to manage our health and finances, continue learning, live by our values and generally create a life that fulfills us. And even then, there are no guarantees—another harsh reality.

And while these responses might be a little sobering, there’s also some relief to be had in knowing that these are “hard pills” we all must swallow in order to continue being well adjusted adults.

Scroll below to check out some of the most interesting answers.

1. "You have to become the driving force making the next steps of your life happen. There’s a pretty clear, direct pipeline from childhood to university. After that, it's all open. A lot of people get stuck floating around in post-college purgatory, waiting for something to happen, but you just have to be the one to make those things happen now. It’s very easy to get sucked into the rhythm of the first job you get out of college, setting up wherever you’re situated, having ideas of what you’d like to do with your life with no urgency to get started because you’re under the false assumption you’ve all the time in the world. You’re young, but the days are long, and the years are short. Don’t wait to start living." —u/shroom_in_bloom

2. "The hardest thing for me was realizing that some of my friends and family were objectively bad people who would never change and/or grow up." —u/Mirraco323

3. "You have to decide what you want to eat for every meal for the rest of your life."

growing older, ask reddit, deciding what to eat, eating healthy Forever in menu paralysis until the day I die. Photo credit: Canva

—u/Niramarsk

4. "For me, a hard pill to swallow was realizing how much I actually have to make to have the lifestyle to which I was accustomed and how far I was from that as a recent graduate." —u/Smgt90

5. "Some careers don't start till you're in your 30s." —u/Neither-Historian227

6. "Your parents are getting older and won't be here forever.” —u/themagicbong

7. “Holidays won't be magical unless you make them magical. You have to go out of your way to decorate and do themed things to get that sense of excitement you had as a kid.”

growing older, ask reddit, halloween decor But hey, at least you can decorate your home the way YOU want to. Photo credit: Canva

—u/Little-Bones

8. "You will either cultivate habits, willpower, study, exercise, and routines for success, or you will slowly watch yourself fade. No one is protecting you from yourself anymore." —u/phoenix14830

9. "This is likely the best your body will ever feel. Put in the work now, and your body will thank you. I'm talking about flexibility work, strength work, skin and teeth."—u/myic90

10. "Remember how, as a kid, a year took forever? Like the week after Christmas, had this crushing reality that it would be forever before it happened again? Now, remember how fast this last year went? Yeah. That's your life. You'll be 30, wondering what happened to time. It just keeps getting faster. Don't try to speed through, even in the bad times. Take time. Don't live for the weekend, don't put things aside for 'another time.' People say you won't be young forever, but nobody prepares you for how short 'not forever' it actually is." —u/MentalSewage

11. "Your comfort zone quickly becomes a prison if you indulge in it. You need to push your boundaries and only fall back into your comfort zone when you absolutely need it. Staying in your comfort zone will breed anxiety when you leave it. You have to put yourself into uncomfortable situations to build up resilience for the future." —u/Crackracket

12. "That feeling of being a kid who is just figuring shit out never actually ends." —u/Former-Finish4653

13. "Realizing that adulting is a full-time job with no time off."

growing older, ask reddit Day off? I don't know her. Photo credit: Canva

—u/FrostyGameKnight55

14. “Everything you think is so unique about yourself has been done a million times over by other humans.” —u/Fishfishbirdbirdcat

15. “At the end of the day, you are on your own. No parent, teacher, or camp counselor will swoop in, resolve conflicts, and guide you to the next step. You have to figure it all out. You can ask people for advice, but the problems are infinitely more complex and never have a 'right' answer, only a 'best we can figure' answer given what you have available. Yes, close friends or a significant other can be there to aid you when you need help with projects, moving, or a shoulder to cry on. But at the end of the day, it's your life, and you must steer the ship."—u/adunk9

16. "All the fun of going to school, having summers off, having 'breaks' for fall or winter...that's just about over. Time to go to work every day until you're ready to retire. Hope you enjoyed your school years!" —u/cibman

17. “Friendships grow out of proximity- once that proximity is gone it requires effort to maintain.So once you leave school those people whom you thought were ride or die for life, will move on without you. Your best friends at work will forget about you 6 months after one of you leaves the job. To maintain friendships, you need to maintain shared interests. The corollary of this is also true- to gain friends, take an interest in their interests and use that to gain proximity.”

growing older, ask reddit Look how much fun they're having. Photo credit: Canva

—u/The4th88

And last, but certainly not least…

18. "'You can be the sweetest, juiciest peach in the world, and there will still be people who don't like peaches.'"—u/HazelGhost

From Your Site Articles

community

Joy

95-year-old British Gran has powerful advice for dealing with depression

A gem of wisdom made even better with a delightfully charming accent.

Photo credit: Canva

This is advice we could all use from time to time.

We know how important it is to stay in the present moment. And we know that having grounding tools, such as simple breathing exercises, are crucial to keep us in the present moment during times of stress. But sometimes, when the intrusive thoughts become too loud, we forget how healing the present moment can be, or how to access it.

And that’s when a kind word from a loved one can make all the difference.

It certainly did for 29-year-old Christina Symes, an artist living with her 95-year-old grandmother, aka “gran,” in London. Gran’s advice was so powerful that Symes shared it in a TikTok, which has since gone viral at 3 million views.

Symes told Newsweek that even as a child, before social media, Gran would send her “comforting” tapes of her talking or reading stories out loud. And Symes routinely records whatever advice Gran gives to listen to in the future because “what she says can be so poignant.”

A few years ago, Symes moved in with Gran after she became housebound, leading to more insightful chats.

Symes, who had been struggling with depression and anxiety, also developed agoraphobia after experiencing the death of a close relative and the breakdown of a 10-year relationship.

depression, agoraphobia, anxiety All you have to do is take it one step at a time. Photo credit: Canva

Understandably, she was having a hard time navigating this difficult chapter, and sought Gran’s advice once more. And here’s what Gran had to say:

"Look at yourself in the mirror, wash your face, put your makeup on, put your clothes on and then say, What must I do next? I must have a little breakfast, or I must have a cup of tea, and then I will start to do this little thing that needs doing.”

Once that little thing is done, even if it took a couple of hours to get done, gran says to give yourself a reward for having done it. Her reward of choice: another cup of tea.

"I deserve it because I've done those things, and I can take pride in the fact you've done them. Never mind about what else has happened years ago, what's going to happen in the future.”

Did we mention that this advice is made all the more wholesome with Gran’s british accent? It really does hit the spot like a nice cuppa tea.

Watch below:

@cjsymes_ One step at a time ❤️ #motivation #advice #wisdom #inspiration #grandma #mentalhealth #anxiety #depression #agoraphobia ♬ where is my mind (piano version) - your movie soundtrack

The advice seemed to resonate with Symes, who told Newsweek "Often, when I think of everything as a whole, it feels far too overwhelming, and I end up not being able to do anything," she said.

"Whereas if it's broken down into small steps with little rewards afterwards, as my gran mentions, it can feel more manageable. Then, the little steps in turn lead to bigger steps, and more progress can be made. Sometimes the most important advice can be the most simple advice.”

The clip, appropriately captioned “one step at a time,” definitely resonated with others as well, who shared truly lovely comments.

“As a psychiatric nurse, she’s right, take it slow, hour by hour. Be compassionate [to] yourself and set attainable goals.”

“When she said ‘I deserve it’ I broke because not one part of me believes I do, no matter how much I do or how hard I work,I’m not sure I ever will.”

“I am almost 10 years in recovery of my agoraphobia and this resonated with me so much. Am in tears. We DO deserve that reward. Thank you.”

“I feel like writing ‘what must I do next?’ on my mirror now.”

“I cried at this. I’m going to get up and have a bath, and then I’m going to do my hair and makeup for the first time in months.”

No matter what you might be struggling with, take it from gran: take it slow, give yourself grace, and please, have that tea.

From Your Site Articles

family

Pop Culture

A man in the crowd yelled 'Marry me!' Her response was not exactly what he hoped for.

'Does that work out well for you, sir?'

Justin Higuchi/Wikicommons

Lauren Mayberry performing with Chvrches at Hollywood Forever in Los Angeles, 2016

A fan of the Scottish synthpop band Chvrches got a bit more than he bargained for when he yelled to the stage.

"Marry me!" an unidentified man yelled out during a pause between songs.

"Pardon?" Chvrches singer Lauren Mayberry responded, prompting the man to shout out, "Marry me! Now!"

Mayberry told the guy off, which led to articles with titles like "Watch Chvrches' Lauren Mayberry Put Marriage Proposing Fan In His Place" and "CHVRCHES' Lauren Mayberry destroys heckler who asks her to marry him."

performance, crowds, hecklers, musicians

What it looks like to get told off from the stage.

GIFs from advancedfirefly.

But what's the big deal? It's not like he was serious. Well...

No, I sincerely doubt that the man in the crowd expected Mayberry to throw down her microphone and jump into his arms. Him saying "marry me" was probably more of a stand-in for "I like your music and respect you as a human being with boundaries!" (OK, maybe not that last bit.)

It's a little more complicated than that.

If you know a bit more about Chvrches' backstory, Mayberry's response makes a lot of sense.

Throughout the band's career, Mayberry has been outspoken against music industry sexism and online harassment.

In 2013, Mayberry posted a screenshot of a message sent to the band's Facebook page that read, "Could you pass this correspondence on to the cute singer, I think we'd make superior love together, and very much would like to take her to dinner." After responding, "No. That's disgusting," Mayberry was told it was a "very puritanical stance" to take.

Her response was simple: "Please stop sending us emails like this." In response, she received a slew of responses containing threats, twisted sexual fantasies, and general disregard for her existence as a human. That month, she penned an opinion piece for The Guardian, "I will not accept online misogyny.”

"But why should women 'deal' with this?"

Her post at The Guardian was a powerful rebuttal to anyone who has ever told her (or any female musician, for that matter) that she should just "deal with" harassment.

"I absolutely accept that in this industry there is comment and criticism. There will always be bad reviews: such is the nature of a free press and free speech. ... What I do not accept, however, is that it is all right for people to make comments ranging from 'a bit sexist but generally harmless' to openly sexually aggressive. That it is something that 'just happens.' Is the casual objectification of women so commonplace that we should all just suck it up, roll over and accept defeat? I hope not. Objectification, whatever its form, is not something anyone should have to 'just deal with.'"

Years later, the harassment continues. But Mayberry isn't giving up.

Earlier this year, Mayberry posted another screenshot of a message sent to one of the band's social media accounts on her personal Instagram page. The message, in which an anonymous voice from the Internet threatens to sexually assault Mayberry with a cheese grater, was posted alongside Mayberry's eloquent response.

"My band is lucky enough to have some of the most awesome, supportive and respectful fans in the world and we are so excited to be in the studio making an album to share with them. Yet, on a daily basis, we still receive communications like this. These people never learn that violence against women is unacceptable. But they also never learn that women will not be shamed and silenced and made to disappear. I am not going anywhere. So bring it on, motherfuckers. Let's see who blinks first."

So, in hindsight, maybe yelling "Marry me!" at Lauren Mayberry wasn't the best idea.

The man may have meant well, but combined with the sexualized messages from other fans and critics alike, it creates an atmosphere of uncomfortable, unwanted comments. It's a lot like street harassment: While the intention might have been to "compliment" someone, the effect can be something so completely different.

Watch Mayberry's showdown with the "Marry me" guy in the video below.

This article originally appeared on 10.05.15

From Your Site Articles

sexism

Education

A school replaced detention with meditation. The results are stunning.

🙏🙌

Imagine you're working at a school and one of the kids is starting to act up. What do you do?

Traditionally, the answer would be to give the unruly kid detention or suspension.

But in my memory, detention tended to involve staring at walls, bored out of my mind, trying to either surreptitiously talk to the kids around me without getting caught or trying to read a book. If it was designed to make me think about my actions, it didn't really work. It just made everything feel stupid and unfair.

But Robert W. Coleman Elementary School has been doing something different when students act out: offering meditation.

Instead of punishing disruptive kids or sending them to the principal's office, the Baltimore school has something called the Mindful Moment Room instead.

The room looks nothing like your standard windowless detention room. Instead, it's filled with lamps, decorations, and plush purple pillows. Misbehaving kids are encouraged to sit in the room and go through practices like breathing or meditation, helping them calm down and re-center. They are also asked to talk through what happened.