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Love Stories

Women are celebrating 'self dating' using Miley Cyrus' 'Flowers' as their anthem

"When you're the boyfriend you've always wanted…"

@yourtorontolatina/TikTok, @justlikegilmoregirls/TikTok

Self-dating is one of TikTok's latest trends.

Miley Cyrus' official music video for her new single "Flowers" is less than two weeks old, and it's already racked up a whopping 108 million views on YouTube. The smash hit also broke Spotify's record for the most streams in a single week, knocking K-pop superband BTS and their hit song "Butter" out of the top spot.

There's a reason "Flowers" is making waves. It's not only a catchy tune, but an empowering one, especially for women who've been socialized to believe they need a significant other to make them happy.

While most post-break-up songs are filled with heartache and lament and perhaps a bit of resentment, "Flowers" takes a different tack. While Cyrus sings about not wanting a relationship to end, she ultimately realizes she can give herself what she wants from a partner and it's incredibly liberating.

The song has become an anthem for an already existing TikTok trend of women celebrating "self dating." Rather than waiting around for someone to ask them out, women are taking themselves out—to coffee, to dinner, to bookstores, to the movies—showering themselves with love and attention and enjoying their own company.

For instance, this woman did the "date night challenge," which involves having your date blindly choose between two activities written on cards, but she did it for herself.

@justlikegilmoregirls
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do #barnesandnoble #readersunite #bookwormsoftiktok #bookdate #romancebookstiktok

Another woman demonstrated the connection between "Flowers" and Bruno Mars' "When I Was Your Man," showing how the former song appears to be a direct response to the latter. (And her caption, "Dating yourself is top tier," hit home for a lot of women, as did "When you're the boyfriend you've always wanted.")

@yourtorontolatina
Visit TikTok to discover videos!

Some TikTok users have made self-dating into an art, sharing their whys and hows with other women.

@desireefiggins
#fyp #datejar #selflove #selfcare #dateyourself

This woman even committed to only self-dating for an entire year. She shared how she did it and what she learned about herself in the process. "Treat yourself exactly how you'd treat a partner," she shared. Excellent advice for us all.

@zabby1
Replying to @faithyyy this pretty much sums it all up! Treat yourself exactly how’d you treat a partner 🤎

As someone who has been happily married for two decades, I can attest that self-dating isn't just for singles. Self-care is empowering no matter your relationship status, and taking deliberate time to get to know yourself and give yourself what you know you need may even make you a better partner.

@bryntaponn
10/10 highly recomend. #fyp #mileycyrusflowers #selflove #selfdateideas

Having a special someone can be wonderfully fulfilling, but the idea that we need someone else to make us feel fulfilled is problematic in all kinds of ways. In my experience, the more healthy, happy and whole we are on our own, the more we are able to contribute to a relationship. So whether we're single or attached, regularly treating ourselves to a self-dating routine is a win-win for us and for whoever we may eventually end up with—even if that person is simply ourselves.

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Culture

Miley Cyrus was grabbed and kissed by a fan. Her response is an important lesson on consent.

She can be wearing what she wants. She can't be grabbed without her consent.

Miley Cyrus has always been an outspoken proponent of progress. And she's never been afraid to call out people whose actions hurt her, those she loves, and the communities which she's loyal, too. This week proved to be no exception.

During a recent event, a fan grabbed and forcibly tried to kiss Cyrus as she was trying to walk through a crowd with her husband, Liam Hemsworth.

— (@)

The grab? Disgusting and inappropriate. The public reaction? Also not great. After the grab occurred, fans suggested that the artist — who's been known to swing naked on a wrecking ball or two — somehow deserved it. "You wanted to be sexy," one fan wrote on social media. "What did you expect?"

— (@)

Cyrus had a clear answer: What she expects is respect. At all times. Regardless of whether she's walking down the street or singing about how much she loves Molly onstage.

"She can be wearing what she wants," Cyrus tweeted.

"She can be a virgin. She can be sleeping with 5 different people. She can be with her husband. She can be with her girlfriend. She can be naked. She CAN'T be grabbed without her consent. #DontFuckWithMyFreedom"

— (@)

It's an important message for fans:

First, just because you love a celebrity, that doesn't mean you have access to anything outside of what they publish and sell.

Second, artists who own their sexuality in their shows, songs, and videos, are giving consent to show that side of themselves. They're not giving consent for others to touch them.

Third, it doesn't matter what anyone's wearing or doing. You never blame the victim for being assaulted. Because it's never about the clothes: It's always about power. And when we try to pin any kind of harassment on "what they were wearing," we're distancing ourselves, not getting to the root of the issue — which is that no one should ever touch another human being without consent. (And it doesn't matter how big a fan you are.)

Here's hoping that all of us (with the exception of Cyrus; she's good) can learn from this incident.

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miley cyrus

"When you're the boyfriend you've always wanted…"

She can be wearing what she wants. She can't be grabbed without her consent.

Miley Cyrus had something to say in a magazine interview, and it was actually pretty astute — regardless of what you may think of her dancing.