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Single dad asks strangers for help when 13-year-old daughter starts her first period

The women (and men!) are here to help.

Photo credit: Canva

A single dad reaching out for help got a huge amount of support.

Even in this amazing girl-dad era, certain aspects of girlhood can still be quite challenging for fathers to know how to best show up for their daughters. And certainly, first periods are one of them.

This can be especially true for single dads. Even the guy who grew up with sisters likely wouldn’t know the ins and outs of different menstrual products available today, and that’s not even getting into the emotional roller coaster often involved.

One single dad hoped to find answers on Reddit after his soon-to-be 13-year-old daughter had her first cycle. And thankfully, he got what he needed—and then some.

“I'm a single dad and my daughter (soon to be 13) has just started her first period. Luckily, she was at a friend's house and managed to get hold of a few pads but we don't really have anything at home,” the dad explained.

He continued, “What do I need to be doing? Pads, tampons or cups? Different things for different situations? Should I just buy different products in different levels of absorbency and let her figure out what's comfortable? Should I have a specific pain relief on hand or just hot water bottles?”


Hello Reddit, my teenage daughter has just started her first period. What do I do?
byu/notafrenchspy inNoStupidQuestions


First off, kudos to this dad for already being thorough. Asking about product specifics? Thinking about pain relief? A+

And people were equally thorough in their answers. One person suggested dedicating a section of the bathroom to a discrete “period care stash” which would include:

  • Pads (medium + heavy OR medium + night-time).
  • Baby wipes (fragrance free. NOT makeup wipes).
  • Ibuprofen or similar
  • Hot water bottle
  • Bonus items:
    • Favorite chocolate
    • New pack of basic underwear

period products for teensEnough can't be said about having a discreet period stash. Photo credit: Canva

They also suggested getting a fabric drawstring bag so that some of these items could go into the girl’s school bag, as well as incorporating a cycle tracking app like Clue or using some other kind of “top-up system” to know when these items would need replenishing.

“This will probably depend a lot on how independent she is and whether the topic feels awkward to her (which is natural even though there's nothing to be embarrassed about). She might want you to just pick up a new packet of pads as part of your grocery shop once a month. She might want you to leave the shopping list where she can see it so she can just write on it what she wants. She might prefer you give her a little extra money so she can pick up products for herself. Use your best judgment or ask her,” they said.

This person did add the disclaimer that “no matter how regular her cycles may be they still take us by surprise sometimes.” So it’s a good idea to have good laundry detergent on hand and that she also knows how to do her own laundry if she needed.

This person made it very clear to the dad to be mindful to not instill any shame around menstruation, and to have “a bit of grace if she's a bit snappy, or if she's more lethargic or spending longer in the bathroom. She won't want you to draw her attention to this.”

Other honorable mentions include getting period underwear like Thinx and Knix, rinsing and stained items in cold water before washing, asking a female she’s comfortable with to teach her about tampons, having a basic understanding of PMDD, endometriosis, PCOS etc., and to make sure the bathroom trash can has a lid, especially if the house has dogs.

But beyond helpful advice, this dad got a lot of positive encouragement.

“You are a really cool dad to be so calm and collected, and caring. You are a hero,” one person wrote.

“You are pure gold, coming from a single father of an eleven year old daughter. Thank you” wrote another.

This chapter might not be quite as simple to navigate as previous ones, but simply having the intention to be well informed is already putting this dad on the path towards success. Kudos to him, and all the other dads who strive to support their daughters every step of the way.

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Spain set to join a handful of countries offering paid 'menstrual leave,' for workers

Photo by Kinga Cichewicz on Unsplash

Menstrual leave in Spain would allow people with painful periods three to five days off per month.

How people experience menstruation can run the gamut, from minor inconvenience to debilitating pain and discomfort to everything in between. For some, it's a few extra bathroom trips and maybe a little moodiness for a few days. For others, the symptoms can include migraine headaches, dizziness, nausea, diarrhea and cramps that make it nearly impossible to get out of bed.

Societies and cultures around the world have taken different approaches to menstruation, from stigmatizing ostracization to celebration and respect. And generally speaking—other than perhaps putting period product machines in women's restrooms—the professional world simply pretends that menstruation doesn't exist. Employers aren't about to ask about it and considering the uphill battle to get women accepted in many professional settings, most women aren't going to openly talk about it.

But globally, women make up nearly 40% of the labor force, and in the U.S. that percentage climbs to nearly 50%. With so many women participating in the workforce, and with a good percentage of people who menstruate experiencing significant pain and discomfort, it seems logical that menstruation would at least be a consideration of some sort in terms of employment policies.

A handful of countries have officially recognized menstruation as a reason to take time off of work, including Japan, South Korea, Indonesia, Taiwan, Vietnam, Zambia and parts of China and India. According to CBS 8, these countries offer anywhere from 30 extra minutes of break time to multiple days off with full pay for employees whose menstrual symptoms interfere with their work. In South Korea, an ex-CEO made headlines last year when he was fined for refusing to allow an employee menstrual leave, which is protected by the country's employment laws. But the concept isn't new. Japan's menstrual leave policies have been in place since 1947.

Now, Spain is positioned to become the first Western nation to offer people paid time off during their periods.

According to Euronews Next , the Spanish government is expected to endorse a reproductive health bill that includes three to five days of menstrual leave per month for those with painful periods.

The outlet reported that Irene Montero, Spain's equality minister, wrote on Twitter: "We are making progress so that it is no longer normal to go to work in pain and to put an end to the stigma, shame and silence surrounding menstruation. We are making progress on rights."

However, the push for menstrual leave is not without controversy. Members of Spain's government as well as its main trade unions have differing opinions on the measure, with some questioning what constitutes a "painful period" and some expressing concern that menstrual leave will ultimately stigmatize women even more, making it less likely that employers will want to hire women.

Such debates are reflected in discussions among the general population as well. A Reddit post about Spain's pending legislation prompted some lively debates about whether menstrual leave is a positive or negative thing for women in the workforce.

"On one hand I think it's fantastic a woman can take a few days off when she's got her period, I know I'd hate to work with cramps and stuff" wrote one commenter. "But I do worry that it might make business less likely to hire women, and/or women less valuable."

"I'd imagine in the same way that having a kid makes some companies not want to hire women, having them taking 3 days off will further push them to the side of let's find a reason not to hire them," wrote another.

"I don’t think codifying the ridiculous idea that women are 10% less productive than men is a good thing," wrote another.

However, it appears the policy is not meant to be a blanket few days off for all people who menstruate, but rather for those who suffer from severe symptoms.

"It is important to clarify what a painful period is, we are not talking about a slight discomfort, but about serious symptoms such as diarrhea, severe headaches, fever," Ángela Rodríguez, Spain’s secretary of state for equality and against gender violence, told El Periódico newspaper, according to Euronews Next.

In addition to concerns, there was compassion on Reddit for women who suffer from painful periods as well.

"Seems good in theory. Women have the option to use it, but don't have to if their periods aren't bad," wrote one Reddit commenter. "It's a pro-labor market right now, so this is the right time to push for these sorts of programs. My wife gets terrible cramps prior to her cycle. I would like for her to at least have the option to take a day or two off so she can take some Pamprin and curl up in a ball."

"I’m a guy I don’t get periods but I know my mom and my sister particularly my sister gets it so bad she has to stay home from school when that time of the month comes around," wrote another. "And I guess from how I understand it every woman’s period is different from another so I hope this helps those who have severe pain and such."

The post also prompted discussion about how paid sick leave varies from place to place. Some people were shocked to hear that paid sick leave isn't guaranteed in some places (ahem, the United States) and some were surprised that in some places where paid sick leave is unlimited, a doctor has to send a note to your employer for it to count.

Some people felt that if you don't work, you don't deserve to get paid, period. Some felt that an employer has no right to know what your medical status is and if you are sick, you should just be able to say you're sick and be believed. Some complained that people go to work sick and make others sick because they're afraid of losing their jobs.

Fundamentally, if someone is not feeling well enough to work, whether it's due to illness or period pain or other health issues, they should be able to take time off without worrying about their livelihood. That's simply humane. A menstrual leave law may have pros and cons in practice, but at the end of the day, the acknowledgment that some periods can leave people suffering for a few days a month is a good thing, and ensuring that those people have the ability to care for themselves is the right thing to do.

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Therapists are singing praises for Turning Red and here's why parents should take note

Turning Red/Walt Disney Company

The new Disney+ film Turning Red is starting conversations about women's health and sexaulity

The vast majority of people walking the earth today remember what it was like to be a 13-year-old child. Wrestling with the idea that you’re growing up, hormones are all over the place, and suddenly you want to be more than friends with some of your classmates. It’s a weird and complicated age, but Disney’s Turning Red takes on the challenge with a strong 13 year old female lead who grapples with cultural norms, coming of age and finding her voice. The themes of this movie don’t fall too far from the Disney tradition of displaying coming of age stories in anything from the Little Mermaid to Finding Nemo.

Mei is a 2nd generation Chinese Canadian girl who struggles with regulating her emotions, which is something we can all relate to when it comes to navigating becoming a teenager. The cultural piece is something that really resonated with 2nd generation Chinese Canadian therapists. I took the time to speak with a few therapists to get their thoughts on Disney’s Turning Red.

Jocelyn Lam, who is a licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes working with this population said “I loved Turning Red because of the nuanced approach to the mother-daughter relationships across generations in the Lee Family. Mei-Lin grapples with saving face and being a ‘loyal’ daughter to her family, versus embracing a more messy side to her personality and broader range of emotions, which is a common struggle that 2nd generation Chinese teens experience.” Lam went on to express how much she “loved that the story spotlighted how interdependence within Chinese families can result in strength and vulnerability.”

With Turning Red, Disney has sparked an important cultural conversation

It’s clear that Disney struck an important chord by capturing how culture and mental health intertwine. Lisa Ibekwe, a licensed clinical social worker and first generation American viewed the movie and said “Turning Red was a phenomenal depiction of the thin line between culture and intergenerational trauma. It represents how culture heavily influences what we pass down to our children. Many children in general struggle to express their wants and desires to adults, and it’s even harder when there is a cultural gap between their desires and the expectations.”

While the cultural stuff stood out to many who rarely see their culture played out on the big screen, that wasn’t the only reason therapists have been singing the praises of the movie. There are some therapeutic things in there that parents might have missed, but kids could truly learn from. Jocelyn pointed out “the movie showed active coping tools and redirection of thought, open discussion of menstruation, accepting that different emotions can co-exist, a holistic view of psychological happiness and addressing intergenerational trauma.”

Turning Red helps show the importance of talking about sex education with kids 

Jenny Moore Greunke, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker expressed that Turning Red was “such a great example of not feeling the need to change yourself to make others comfortable. Showing that being who you are without shame is healing, even when there may be generations before you who haven’t evolved to your level of emotional intelligence yet. Radical Self love!” Kathleen Hearne, Licensed Professional Counselor said “through openly talking about the traumas and it’s affects can help individuals and generations grow and thrive from those experiences verses it causing continued trauma within the family through hurtful behavior patterns.” Hearne went further to say that “it’s helpful in normalizing that we all have experiences in life that have shaped us and that we can use them to thrive and grow towards our authentic self by being open and compassionate with ourselves and others.”

The themes that Turning Red touches on are so deep and important that it is amazing to see how seamlessly Disney pulled this movie off. Preteens and teens can see themselves in Mei-Lin and learn to embrace their “messy side” while also learning how to regulate their strong emotions through the coping mechanisms so carefully placed within this movie. Hats off to Disney for not shying away from the hard stuff while also giving us tools and healing to move forward when we relate to the film.

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Parents, please start talking to your kids about periods as early as humanly possible

Photo via Canva

Some parents are taking issue with "Turning Red" talking about periods.

Let's talk about periods.

Some parents have taken issue with the Pixar movie "Turning Red" for several scenes in which the subject of a 13-year-old getting her period—even though she didn't, actually—is discussed and used for humor. There's nothing graphic in any way, unless you consider seeing boxes of menstrual pads graphic, but some parents thought that menstruation itself was an inappropriate topic for young kids.

I'm a fan of letting parents parent. None of us has a manual for this stuff and it's hard to know if you're making the right choices for your kids. Different families have different priorities, values and beliefs, and I think there are a million ways to raise conscientious, contributing humans.

I'm also a fan of choosing age-appropriate content for kids when it comes to things that they're not ready to process yet. My kids are teens and young adults now, but when they were younger I was picky about what they consumed media-wise. There is some content young kids simply aren't ready to process and that can have a negative impact on their developing psyches, which is why sex and violence are screened for in age-based movie and TV ratings.

Periods, however, are an entirely different story.

I genuinely don't understand why anyone would take issue with any child of any age learning about menstruation. It's a basic bodily function of half the population. Kids start learning about basic bodily functions as soon as they are old enough to ask questions, and there's nothing about having a period that necessitates holding off on the basics until they're a certain age or maturity level.

Both girls and boys need to learn about periods, and the earlier the better.

I have two daughters and a son. My boy is my youngest, and he's grown up in a household that has talked about periods from the time he was old enough to understand words. When he got old enough to ask what we were referring to or what pads were for, I explained the basics to him in a way he could understand. It went something like this:

"Every month, a woman's body practices getting ready to grow a baby. She has organs called ovaries that push out an egg and her uterus makes a nice cushy home for it by building up a lining of blood. After a couple of weeks, her body lets go of the egg and dismantles the home, which then comes out of her vagina. The bleeding isn't from an injury and it doesn't hurt—it just drips out for a few days. So women wear pads/tampons/cups. etc. to catch it so the blood doesn't get all over her clothes."

Simple, basic, honest. When he has questions, I answer them matter-of-factly. My philosophy is that if a child is old enough to ask a question, they're old enough to get a simple, basic, honest answer. If they want or need to know more, they'll ask more questions. If there are parts that I'm really not ready for them to get details on, I'll say, "That part is a little complicated and we can learn about that later, but here's what's important for you to know right now."

I've also learned that it's far preferable to have these conversations when a child is old enough to be curious but not old enough to be embarrassed to ask.

Periods aren't a picnic, but we've got to stop avoiding talking about them due to the "ick" factor.

I'm not someone who waxes poetic about menstruation. I understand there are women who find deeper meaning and beauty and magic in it, and hey, more power to them. For me, it's just a thing that happens every month—I don't love it, I don't hate it, it just is.

I do think, however, that we need to get away from the idea that it's "gross" or "disgusting" or "inappropriate." Again, it's something half the population experiences. It's not necessarily pretty, but it's not like it's dirty or wrong or shameful. Women have been ostracized from society in various cultures throughout history for having their period—something that automatically happens to their bodies every month. Treating menstruation in general as gross or inappropriate simply adds to the idea that it's taboo.

We need to talk about periods when kids—girls and boys—are young, because periods can start really young.

I have a friend whose daughter was 9 years old when she started her period. Another friend recently told me her daughter just started her period, and she's only 8. It happens. It's not as unusual as we think. Very few families are running around announcing publicly that their under-10-year-old has started menstruating. So it's definitely important to normalize the conversation early and often with our kids.

And yes, that includes our boys. It's shocking how little some men understand about this topic, even as grown adults. There's no magical time when it suddenly becomes appropriate to talk about periods, and if we make it a normal part of conversation, it's not nearly as awkward for us or for them. In our household, having two daughters first helped create more opportunities, but even in families with all boys, moms can be open about being on their period so it's not a hush-hush or unfamiliar subject.

I often think about the story of the teen boy who noticed a younger student had had a period accident on the bus, and how he offered her his sweatshirt to wrap around her waist. When she thanked him, he said, "No problem. I have sisters." That's a guy for whom periods had been normalized and who was comfortable enough to do the exact right thing to help a girl avoid potential embarrassment rather than adding to it.

A movie about a 13-year-old girl that includes mention of periods is simply reflective of reality. Parents might debate the way a character's behavior or the dynamics of parental relationships are portrayed in "Turning Red," but menstruation should really be a nonissue regardless of the age or gender of the kids watching.

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