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Powerful Tweet reveals a harsh truth Girl Dads don't want to admit

Whether you intimidate boyfriends or set hard curfews, we're all afraid of the same thing.

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Fathers on all sides of the political spectrum share at least one thing in common: We're protective of our little girls. Yes, the 'shotgun-wielding dad' who intimidates gentlemen callers is an old cliche, but even though his methods may be a little outdated, his heart is usually in the right place.

We know that, fair or not, the world is more dangerous for daughters than it is for our sons. And it's not just dads! Uncles, big brothers, family friends. They all make sure to keep an extra watchful eye on the young girls of the family.

What we need to talk about more out loud is what, exactly, we're so afraid of.

To that end, a recent viral post on X brilliantly pointed out the truth.

"One time years ago I said 'men are trash' and my dad got really annoyed by it. my mum had to stop and ask him 'when you're warning her not to be out late, to be careful, telling her that it's not safe etc who are you warning her about? not women'"

Holy cow, what a mic drop.

There's been a growing sentiment online that wonders if we've been 'too mean' to men.

First, there was the #MeToo movement, which gained steam in around 2017. It was a time when staggering numbers of women felt empowered to come forward with stories of sexual assault, harassment, and more.

Quickly, "good guys" spoke up to reassure the world that "Not all men are bad!"

#NotAllMen, almost instantly, became a hashtag used to mock people who were dismissive of women's concerns about the state of, well, men.

In 2024, conversations about the male loneliness epidemic have taken centerstage. Ideas that men have been disenfranchised to the point of radicalization. That they've been forgotten about in a society that pushes for progress for every other group but them.

In short, "Stop being so mean to men!'

The post from user mariaalcoptia beautifully illustrates the hypocrisy at play: Even men know that men are dangerous!

Maria's reply was in response to another post that explained the phenomenon even further:

"I don’t think men have heard what fathers tell their daughters about men. Nobody hates men more, nobody is a bigger misandrist than fathers who actually love their daughters. All they do is slander their fellow men to their daughters from morning to night," wrote user sugabelly.

"Girl Dads hate men."

As a progressive-minded and, at least I'd like to think, solid guy, even I get bummed out about the bombardment of "men are terrible" messaging I see anytime I'm online.

It's hard not to get defensive, and to resist the urge to shout "Not all of us!"

But deep down we know it's true. There are huge problems with men and masculinity in our country that are making it a worse place for everyone else.

It's why we interrogate potential boyfriends and teach our daughters crotch kicks and how to throw a punch, and why we want to know where they're going and who they're with and when they'll be back.

(And it's why we aren't nearly as protective of our boys.)

It's not because of the bogeyman. It's because of other men.

The sooner we can put our feelings aside and all admit that, the sooner we can get to work on making things better.

Being as thoughtful about how we raise our sons as we are about protecting daughters would be a good place to start!

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Real guys share the obvious romantic hints they missed and it's a must read for every man

The extremely common (and funny!) ways most guys are oblivious to crystal-clear come-ons.

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Men mistaking basic politeness or friendliness for flirting is a common source of frustration for women. Just ask any waitress or bartender! But it's also extremely common (and way funnier) when guys are just completely oblivious to crystal-clear come-ons.

There's some science behind the male inability to take a basic hint. Research shows that men's brains may have to work twice as hard as women's to interpret facial expressions. And surprisingly, men are worse at reading emotions in women than in other men. There are also key aspects of the way men are socialized that lead to us being worse at nonverbal communication in many cases.

Add it all up, and it can be tough for men and women to get on the same page at times — especially when it comes to romance.

A recent Reddit thread highlighted the problem in a hilarious way.: "What's the biggest hint you received but [were] totally clueless about?"

There were stunning levels of obliviousness on display in the comments, not to mention a deep and hilarious sense of regret permeating the entire discussion.

black haired man making face Photo by Ayo Ogunseinde on Unsplash

Here are some of the best responses.

"Girl in college grabbed my arm and told me to come to her room. I said I had some reading to do." - Shto_Delat

"Helped a girl move into her new place and assemble the bed. “We should test it out,” Me, bouncing up and down on it: “seems fine” Sorry, Caroline." - Underwritingking

"Freshman year of college I was talking to this girl who lived like an hour and a half drive away. One weekend I drove down by her to go to concert afterwards we hung out in her apartment until like 2:30 in the morning when she tells me her roommate is out of town so I can spend the night. My response “I’m good to drive” and then I drove home." - profJesusfish

Some of the stories had happy endings.

"A girl and I had fooled around in my dorm room. She decided to spend the night. I got up to sleep in my chair because I was unsure if I should stay in my bed with her. She yelled at me. 19 years and two kids later I think she likes me. But...she IS canadian". - wdh662

But, for the most part, these poor dudes never did get a second chance.

"Walking her home after a party we were talking and laughing and I made a joke about snoring and she got serious and said "you want to come find out if I snore" and I made another dumb dismissive joke like "what? No way!" Somehow ended up alone in my room that night kicking myself. I really liked her too. Never got a second chance." - DaBigadeeBolla

"Spent all night chatting with a girl at a house party in my teens. We ended up crashing in the same room.She asked me "do you want to share the bed?" It was a single bed, I said "nah, I'll take the floor" - Loki_lulamen

Some guys chalked the whiffs up to a lack of confidence.

"In high school, a girl greeted me with a kiss on the lips every morning, several days in a row. The idea that she could be interested was so unimaginable to me that it only clicked like 10 years later. Yeah, building my self-confidence has required civil engineering-level work." - Hoaxymore

Others had no rational explanation.

"Had a coworker call me at 2:30 in the morning with a flirtatious "Heeeey, were you asleep?" I said yes, and hung up because I had to be up in a few hours for work." - Shodspartan

The undisputed winning story of the thread came from a guy who blew his chance not once, but twice, in brutally painful fashion.

man in black jacket sitting on wooden dock during daytimeThis guy probably needed to do a little self-reflection after this one. Photo by Zachary Ferguson on Unsplash

The story begins after a party in high school once everyone else had left:

I asked her if she needed help cleaning. She told me she was getting a bit tired and she could do with a massage. I said “Oh ok, I’ll let you rest. Talk to you tomorrow”…. And left.

The following week, she was kind of upset with me. It took me 7 years to understand what it all meant. Some time later, 3 years later we met up again (school reunion), talked to her and confirmed what had happened.

… wait, it gets worse.

At the end of our reunion she told me “you know, it is never too late to fix mistakes”. I smiled, said “yeah, if I had a Time Machine, right?” before getting in my car, driving off to home, parked the car, opened the door and fucking got the fact that I blew up another chance. - rodrigoelp

People in the comments were mortified for the guy, who may never live this one down.

It's good that stories like this exist.

They may be playfully painful memories for the people involved, but the new model in dating, hook ups, and relationships is crystal clear about this:

Enthusiastic consent!

There's no room for gray area and assumptions.

It might be humiliating immediately after the fact, but guys who are missing seemingly-obvious hints are doing at least one thing right.



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Someone asked what women would dislike most if they became men. The answers are eye-opening.

Men shared a lot of feelings we don't often hear expressed.

Photo credit: Canva

A lot of men struggle more than we know.

For decades, women's liberation, Me Too and other movements have shed light on the reality of being a woman in a patriarchal society. As a result, we've all gained a better understanding of how women are impacted by sexism and have slowly but surely re-examined social norms that have negatively affected women throughout history.

What's often been overlooked, though, is how patriarchal norms negatively affect men as well. We know that men have been discouraged by society from sharing their feelings, but the notion that men don't open up because it's "unmanly" is also an oversimplification. Sure, there are men who don't know how to express their feelings, but there are also conscientious, emotionally available men who don't talk about the hard parts of being a man out loud because they don't want to overshadow women's concerns with their own. It's ironic that a sensitivity to women can get in the way of openly sharing the reality of being a man, but here we are.

A question posed on Reddit provided an invitation for men to open up with its unique framing: "What would women dislike most if they became men?" and men took the opportunity to share things that women might not realize they struggle with.

While there may be a temptation to compare these things to what women deal with, listening with compassion and an open mind goes a long way toward building understanding and empathy. Considering the fact that suicide rates among men are four times higher than women, we need more understanding because clearly a lot of men are struggling.

Here are some of the things men shared:

Trying to convince people you're not scary or creepy

Women are generally viewed as safe, while men are seen as potential threats. There are understandable reasons for that, but women may not realize how exhausting it is to try to navigate that as a man who genuinely isn't a threat. It hurts to know that people are automatically afraid of you.

"People being afraid of you for nothing you have done."

"Constantly worrying about not looking like a creep. Seriously, shit is exhausting. I’m a 5ft 10 inches, 225lbs, muscular black dude. I know damn well that that I’m probably the last person a woman(or anyone for that matter) wants to see walking behind them while they are alone at night.

I work in retail too so there’s times where I will walk around the store just to avoid walking behind women just to make them feel better.

Just to be clear, I’m not saying that women aren’t justified for being wary. I completely understand why they might feel that way but it just sucks constantly trying to make sure I don’t accidentally look like a creep."

man walking alone behind a busMen are automatically seen as a potential threat.Photo credit: Canva

"I’m 6’1, 265 lbs, brown, bald. No one has sat next to me on a bus in years. A child refused to sit next to me on a flight once and threw a tantrum about it. I ignored her the entire time. But oof that hurt. I cried watching Coco."

"Dude as a 6'2 fat dude with a beard I feel like being perceived as a creep is responsible for like 80% of my social anxiety, like I can't casually physically interact with anyone cause I'm scared of being called a creep."

"I’ll never forget the feeling of a loss of innocence when I was around 17yo and a woman grabbed her kid as I was walking towards my car (it looked like I was walking towards the kid who was in the general trajectory in the parking lot) and it dawned on me 'oh, I’m no longer seen as a child, I’m a potential threat now.' It was such a weird feeling."

Being viewed with suspicion around children

Women can say they love kids and show affection toward them without much of an eyebrow raise. But men who love children in pure and wholesome ways can't express that without people assuming or fearing they're a pedophile.

"People thinking you're a pedo when you're watching your own kid at the park."

"Being viewed with suspicion whenever I interact with children. Plenty of shitty things about being female, but that one is particularly sad for men."

"It's really sad, because children have this reckless abandon that is fun to watch. Running around and playing with no greater purpose in mind, just enjoying being alive without thinking about what's above and below.

I can't go to public parks without being looked at like I'm a predator, much less go anywhere where children are playing without the exact same vitriol but on steroids. Children are fun to watch, and I'm not there watching for some sick sexual thrill or to hurt anyone, I just like to be reminded that I once WAS one of those children not so long ago."

man playing with two small childrenDad playing with kidsPhoto credit: Canva

Being seen as the lesser parent

Much has been made of women often being the "default parent" who shoulders most of the mental burden of parenting. But a lot of that is social expectation, and even men who try to take on an equal share of parenting duties find that they're fighting an uphill battle to be treated as an equal parent.

"Being treated like a second rate parent even if you're the only parent."

"While signing up for a daycare I told them to call me first if our kids got sick. They said “weeee usuallyyyyyyy caaaaaaalll the mooommm fiiiiiirst…??” With a confirming look towards my wife.

I told them I wfh 5 minutes away and my wife is a teacher so if they want to waste their time calling my wife first go ahead but I’ll be (and am) usually the one to pick them up.

They still call my wife first."

"I was a stay at home dad. I told the teachers that when I met them at the beginning of the year. I was listed first in primary contacts. The number of times the school called my wife at work and then she called me so I could go pick up a sick kid was too high."

"ThEy LeTtInG yOu BaBySiT?"

"Whenever my wife is without our kid they're always asking who is watching him. Like I am. His father. He's not being babysat, he's not being watched, he's just at home with me. Foreign concept to so many people."

Alternatively, being seen as a hero for doing basic parenting things

On the flip side, a lot of men shared their bafflement at being venerated for doing very basic parenting things. While this may not seem like something to complain about, it's a bit infantilizing if you think about it.

"Sometimes I'm just chilling with my kids at the park and get told I'm the best dad ever. Like I'm doing the bare minimum right now ma'am. This is the floor of what I should be praised for, not the ceiling."

dad with baby in baby carrier at grocery storeDads go grocery shopping with kids, too.Photo credit: Canva

"When my sister had her kids her ex husband used to occasionally take his baby to work at the community college in a sling and lecture with the baby. He became totally famous on campus as the best dad ever and he was shared viral on local social media as being totally adorable Meanwhile she was just a mom with a baby, completely unremarkable. No praise, just general annoyance from strangers that she even had her baby out in public."

"I noticed this when I had custody of the kids after we separated. I was a freaking hero for attempting what millions of single moms have been doing forever. And it was in the eyes of women ( most men didn't care or notice) that my status was elevated while many of them were looking down their noses at the single mom's. Double standard for sure."

"Yeah I was going to say.. in the experience of me and one of my close friends, as a guy, the bar for being considered a great parent is disturbingly low."

The expectation to be an actual hero—and being seen as expendable

"Women and children first" has been a standard of emergency response forever, which isn't inherently bad but does send a message about the expendability of men. Imagine being told that your life is less valuable as a rule.

"If danger comes knocking, you have to answer the door while everyone else runs for the hills."

"I love how people are only outraged if women and children die. Like every dude aint also someone's son."

"Yup. If I’m a man dying, who cares. If I want a shred of sympathy, I have to describe myself as a husband, a father, or a provider."

"People see men as expendable."

"Off to the front lines you go."

"I learned from a thread a few weeks ago that women have no concept of this whatsoever. It hasn't even occurred to them that they could be considered more expendable than another person by default and they're offended that it would even be a possibility."

Men's lives are seen as expendable in some ways.Photo credit: Canva

A lack of compliments

Of course, there are women who don't feel like they get many compliments as well, but it appears to be a particular issue with men. Perhaps women compliment each other more, and men don't. Or perhaps it's that men misinterpret compliments as flirting too often, so women don't offer them to men as much.

"You may go a year or ten without a single compliment. Many men are laying in their casket before many good things are ever said about them."

"I had a woman complement my parallel parking skills 30 years ago, I can tell you when and where."

"So true, lmao. The last "real" compliment I got was 3 years ago (lmao) that too from my dad's (male) boss who said I've an amazing smile.

Well, unless my mom counts? I'm the most eligible bachelor in India as far as she's concerned. 😂"

"The whole thing is an ugly catch 22. Men think compliments are flirting because they don't get enough compliments, but women avoid complimenting them because they don't want them to think it's flirting."

The genuinely confusing messages about showing emotion

The common refrain is that men should show their emotions more and that women will respond positively to that. But in reality, many women have been as conditioned as men to view male emotion as weakness, and some respond accordingly.

"Crying in front of people has the exact opposite effect."

"'why don't you open up emotionally?'

Opens up emotionally

'I can't explain it, but I'm just, not attracted to you anymore.'"

"This one is real tho. You get shunned for not opening up, and you get shunned for opening up."

"I joined a support group for victims of something I'm not going to get into, but the amount of guys who had their wives/girlfriends abandon them or cheat on them almost immediately after a traumatic experience like a parent dying or being the victim of a violent crime was staggering. As soon as they showed emotion, 'weakness' and needing support themselves, it was all over for the relationship."

Many men feel like they can't show emotion even when they want to.Photo credit: Canva

"Yup. When I got the call that my dad's cancer had spread to his brain and was terminal, I was at work and started to cry. It wasn't a sob or ugly cry at all and I was trying to keep it together. Once my coworkers in the office noticed, they just quietly got up and walked into another room without saying anything. I tried to focus on my work and pull it together, but after about 3 minutes I was literally alone in the room. It was an open concept kind of office and there were about 15-18 desks in the room. Nobody said anything. Nobody asked if I was ok. They just got up a left.

About 15 minutes later the office manager asked if I needed to leave for the day because I was making other people uncomfortable. I heard at least one group of people joking about it on my way out.

I ended up quitting a couple of months later because everybody treated me completely different afterwards. I went from being the funny guy at work to the weird guy who cried at work."

There were some other things men shared that are worth taking a look at, but the bottom line is that there's genuine value in putting ourselves in other people's shoes. Just as women want men to understand what we deal with on a daily basis, men also have experiences and feelings that go unrecognized and unacknowledged. We all have a lot to learn and unlearn as we make our way toward gender equality, and truly understanding one another's realities is a vital step in that direction.


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Men's Health

These men bravely shared their own harrowing abusive-relationship stories

This is what being a real man looks like.

Grzegorz Walczak/Unsplash & Reddit

Many of us are familiar with the signs of an abusive relationship.

Physical violence is only one of many. Extreme jealousy, verbal insults, controlling behavior, and victim blaming are all hallmark signs that someone is an abusive partner, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

What we rarely talk about, though, is that for as often as men are the perpetrators of abuse, they can just as easily be victims.


Hundreds of men recently took to Reddit to share their own harrowing stories of abusive relationships.

As many as 1 in 4 men have been victims of some form of physical abuse by a partner. For women, it's as many as 1 in 3.

That's a staggering percentage of people.

The grim and heartbreaking thread helped shed some light on an under-recognized reality: Abuse is abuse, and it has no gender.

Here are some of the main takeaways from the powerful thread, which is worth a full-read.

Note: Last names have been left out to protect victims of abuse.

1. The support system for men who are victims of abuse is extremely poor.

Robert, who shared his story of an abusive relationship in the thread, wrote that his ex would threaten him and lash out physically, but no one would ever take his complaints seriously.

"She would throw knives at stuff and wreck the house," he wrote. "I went through 16 police calls before one of them finally gave her a charge for assault."

When the two were finally separated (he writes that she was arrested on a separate charge), he had to turn to information meant for battered women for help putting his life back together.

The sad truth is that the shelters and groups out there dedicated to helping men in abusive relationships are depressingly scarce.

2. Men can be victims of physical abuse too. Often at the detriment of their "manhood."

a man looking at his cell phone in the dark

Photo by Richard Stachmann on Unsplash

It's hard enough for many men being abused to find people who'll believe them. It's made even tougher that they might be made out to look like less of a man if they come clean.

"It's like I was supposed to just take it because I was a man," Robert wrote.

Tom, another man who shared his story, wrote that he was "embarrassed" when his ex would hit him during arguments, in public, but that he never even considered it abuse until long after they broke up.

Research supports the idea that men might be even less likely than women to report physical abuse. And we wonder why phrases like, "Man up!" are so harmful.

3. The patterns of abusive behavior are consistent whether abusers are men or women.

Another Reddit user, William, said he wasn't allowed to hang out with certain people his partner didn't like,and the controlling and manipulative behavior took a heavy toll on him.

"I knew deep down no matter what I did to try and make her happy it was never good enough. I never felt so useless," he wrote.

Many men in the thread, like Richie, wrote that the psychological trauma from their abusive relationship was the most difficult thing to reconcile and recover from.

Mood swings, illogical fights, and suicidal threats from Richie's partner pushed him to a breaking point.

"It wore me down to the bone," he wrote. "I was a shell of myself at one point."

The original thread on Reddit makes one thing abundantly clear: The problem of partner violence and abuse is likely much bigger than many people realize.

Over 10 million men and women in the United States are victims of physical domestic abuse every year; a number that doesn't include behaviors like lying, threats, and manipulation.

Toxic concepts of masculinity can sometimes lead to men becoming abusers, but as this thread shows, they can also paralyze men who need help.

Fixing our culture's broken idea of what makes a man could be a crucial step toward ending domestic violence and abuse for both men and women.

In the meantime, we can listen to the victims' stories. Everyone, man or woman, deserves to be heard.

If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship and wants to seek help, start by contacting the National Domestic Violence Hotline, which offers support for men, women, and children.


This article originally appeared on 4.12.17
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