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When a woman acts like she knows a man it's a clear signal

Most women, at one point or another, have felt some wariness or fear over a strange man in public. Sometimes it's overt, sometimes it's subtle, but when your instincts tell you something isn't right and you're potentially in danger, you listen.

It's an unfortunate reality, but reality nonetheless. A Twitter thread starting with some advice on helping women out is highlighting how real this is for many of us. User @mxrixm_nk wrote: "If a girl suddenly acts as if she knows you in public and acts like you're friends, go along w[ith] it. She could be in danger."

Other women chimed in with their own personal stories of either being the girl approaching a stranger or being the stranger approached by a girl to fend off a situation with a creepy dude.

One wrote, "A girl did this FOR me one time when I was sitting alone at a bar because she could tell I was in a very uncomfortable situation and I'll never forget her. It was bld of her to do that for a stranger but she literally saved me from some creep ass guy."

Another added, "I had a waitress do this for me once when an ex was yelling at me. She didn't leave me out of her sight and when he went to the bathroom she asked if I was ok and if I had roommates or if I was going to be alone with him after. An actual angel."

Another shared how a woman joined her and her husband as if they were old friends until her friends arrived.

good men, women, men, stalkers, harassment, adviceA man holds a woman's hand while another man watcheswww.flickr.com

"A woman walked up to my husband and I saying 'I haven't seen you guys in so long!!' then hugged us. We were ???, but went w/ it. She then pointed out a group of guys that followed her in, and the one that wouldn't leave her alone. He kept getting drinks right near us. Which was odd because we were in the corner out of the way. She hung out w/ us until her other friends got there. Once we realized what had actually happened we were a little shocked."

User "AmberLUVV" shared a story of being in a Dominican Republic port on a cruise when two girls pretended to belong to her family.

"When I went on a cruise with the fam, we ported in DR for a day. My dad and I decided to go the local shopping market. We had took a break on a bench cuz it was HOT! But all of sudden two girls walk up to us and addressed my dad as their own, and proceeded to say that they had And scared! We played it out for a minute longer until they told us what happened! Some men in a van were following them promising to take them to the beach and wouldn't leave them alone! They pointed out one of the guys and I had seen him turn away when they addressed my dad!"


"Raeloe" shared how a girl approached her at a nightclub to get away from a creepy guy when she'd been separated from her friends.

"I had this happen in a nightclub once. My hubby and I were working PAX and this club let's [sic] the enforcers in for free with their badges, I've never been before so he said c'mon let's go. Bout 2 hours in this girl comes up and dances with me and asks if it's okay to stay awhile. She lost her friends and this dude was creeping on her. I told her to take all the time she needs to find her friends. She came back with them later and gave me a big hug for making her feel safe. Would do it again without hesitation."


Another person shared how they'd been the one who needed help.

"Been the person who needed this. Creepy dude wouldn't leave me tf alone, so I walked over to a group of girls and acted very excited to see them again. They immediately caught on and we started talking about whatever. For over an hour. Bcuz he wouldn't leave. They ended up giving me a ride around town bcuz the creeper was following. Made some friends and we made him run a red light, which had a cop chasing him. They got me home and we hung out regularly after that."

And another explained how grateful she was to a woman on the bus who let her act like they were best friends.

One person even shared a video showing exactly what such a scenario looks like in real life.


Some people responded with various "what if" scenarios, like what if a woman is really trying to lure them into a dangerous situation, or what if they want them to accompany them somewhere that might not be safe? But those questions seemed to miss the point that no one was suggesting anyone go anywhere private with anyone, and also seemed to miss how often women actually do find themselves in situations where they need to turn to a stranger for help.

As one woman wrote, "All the people fighting this saying it'll be a setup are underestimating how often women actually do this to get away from creepy men. I've had to do this at a bar and I've also gone up to a women I saw distressed and pretended to be her friend and she played along. It happens."

men helping women, harassment, danger, women, men Most men want to be helpful to women and this is a great way to do thatPhoto by Nikolas Noonan on Unsplash

"I've yelled back. I've thrown drinks in guys faces. I've pushed them away from myself and others. I've reached out for help and asked other guys or security to step in. Sometimes the path of least resistance for a good night is to blend in real quick."

And others pointed out that women don't generally approach men for help unless they feel like they really need to—usually because they end up in situations where men don't respond to the word "no."

Finally, someone suggested a tip for using your phone to ask a girl if she's in danger while pretending to show her a picture, so you both can be clear on what's really happening.

But the bottom line is, if a girl or woman walks up to you and pretends to know you, more often than not it's because she's trying to get away from someone. Play along and accompany her until she's safe. Guaranteed she'll be eternally grateful.

This article originally appeared five years ago.

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Unrealistic ideals are everywhere.

When guys want to start working on self-improvement, they're told that Step 1 is always, every time, without fail, going to the gym. For better or worse, this is where men are repeatedly told to go to begin turning their life around. Whether it's gaining confidence, becoming stronger, looking better, or of course, the classic, attracting more women, guys have all sorts of expectations of what fitness can do for them. We're constantly told that lifting weights is the key to solving almost all of our problems. But is it really?

Real men who work out regularly are sounding off on social media about gym expectations vs reality and the responses are incredibly illuminating. If you're thinking about getting started on your own fitness journey, it might help to know exactly what you are, and aren't, in for.

Expectation: Wanting compliments from women. Reality: Getting them from men.

gif of two men lifting weights togetherSometimes gym bros are the best bros.Giphy

Studies, and some common sense, show that women are more attracted to men who appear strong. This inspires a lot of men to hit the gym hard in order to improve their chances, but the reality is they tend to vastly overestimate the impact lifting weights will have. In fact, most guys who work out quickly find that it's actually other men who are more likely to notice their hard work and throw them compliments.

In fact, bodybuilding as we know it—oiled up dudes with massive muscles in tiny speedos—owes its roots to the queer community. So, you could say that a lot of the things guys chase in the gym today, like big shoulders and biceps, were initially designed to attract other men.

"I thought women would compliment me on my muscles, but in reality I only get compliments from other gym bros 😅....and that's cool too!" a commenter wrote in a Reddit thread on the subject of gym expectations vs reality.

"I thought girls would be into me... Sadly, it's men that seem to give me more attention now," said another.

Not ideal for guys hoping to score more dates, but hey, a compliment is a compliment.

"Buddy I haven't seen in a while just told me my legs look juicy. Feels good bro," admitted one user.

Expectation: Getting stronger and looking better. Reality: It takes a long, long time.

Guys start working out with visions of looking like Mr. Olympia, but few realize how long it takes and how much consistency and mental grit are required to start seeing results. Social media bombards us with quick transformations in order to sell us supplements and workout programs, but the reality for most guys is that it will take years of consistent hard work to feel like you're really getting somewhere. Oh, and you'll probably never look like Mr. Olympia.

"I just didn’t realize how long it would take. At 2-3 sessions per week, it took a year before I saw anything in the mirror," one user noted, adding that it took over three years of consistency to see major changes.

Expectation: More self-confidence. Reality: Body dysmorphia.

When men start working out, they often believe that if they lose weight or look more fit, they'll gain confidence. And often times, that's true! But in some cases, hyper focusing on the size of your pecs or the visibility of your abs can have the opposite effect. You can lose sight of the progress you've made and end up feeling even worse about your body.

"Unfortunately once you see improvement, sometimes you are always trying to up the improvement," a man wrote.

"I've even had other people comment on the weight loss and I have tangible evidence in a reduced waist size, yet when I look at myself I still feel big as ever," said another.

"Not really new, its a pretty common occurrence that once you get bigger you'll feel too small and as if you dont train hard enough to grow faster," noted one commenter, referencing a phenomenon sometimes called bigorexia.

Expectation: Less pain. Reality: Being sore all the time.

gif of man running up the stairs while another walks downstairs slowly and painfullyThis is how you move when you're in shapeGiphy

"[I expected] Less daily pain. Result: different daily pain," wrote one commenter.

My wife and I joke about this all the time. We both workout to be strong, fit, and healthy. Half the time, though, our legs are sore from squats and lunges and cycling and we're both waddling around the house. It kind of feels like it defeats the purpose at times.

Exercise is one of the best ways to relieve pain in your knees, back, hips, and more. But if you overdo it, your muscles will pay the price for days afterwards, or worse, you'll wind up injuring yourself.

Expectation: Six pack abs. Reality: It's not worth it.

gif of singer Usher lifting his shirt to show off his absWe can't all have abs like UsherGiphy

Ah yes, the Holy Grail of fitness for men: The elusive six pack. You could easily argue that men care more about abs than women (let's just not restart the dadbod discourse again, please), but whether the pursuit is misguided or not, almost every man who steps foot in a gym has at least dared to dream that one day they might acquire rock hard abs.

Guys in the thread showed up to tell us that, sadly, it probably won't happen just because you work out hard.

"[The reality is] I’m just sorta in shape bc I don’t watch my diet… you can tell I have a physique, I can lift heavy, and have endurance, but there’s some chub," one commenter admitted.

Six pack abs require either terrific genes, extreme discipline, or a combination of both. And the guys who have put in extraordinary effort in the gym and the kitchen to get there are here to tell us it's probably not worth the hassle.

"As someone who's gone down to about 10% to get abs. Don't. It's genuinely not worth it. I sit at around 15% which for me doesn't show ab definition, and I'm so much happier than I was with abs," one guy says.

Expectation: Feeling better physically. Reality: Feeling better mentally.

By now, we've learned that expectations of working out don't always match reality. It's not likely that you'll completely transform your body (at least not quickly), become perfectly happy with how you look in the mirror, and have women throwing themselves at you. But that's not to say that fitness isn't a goal worth pursuing. Sometimes, the most positive effects aren't the ones you see, but the ones you feel.

"One of the things I did not expect was being able to deal with my mental health, but it was a pleasant surprise to find out how much it helped me counter my depression," one man commented.

"Regular, strenuous physical activity is the thing that made the most dramatic difference in my mental wellbeing. My new girlfriend has these motivational memes everywhere, and one of them says 'Sweat is magic. Cover yourself in it daily and watch your dreams come true.' Dammit if that isn't the most truth I've learned in the last few years," added another.

The men's self-improvement industry has sold us a lot of fairly toxic ideas. It tells us to chase big muscles, six pack abs, and adoration from women in the gym, and that these things will ultimately bring us peace and happiness. Most guys who have been down this road have found out that that's simply not true.

However, getting and staying active does have a ton of benefits if you get into it for the right reasons. It can improve longevity, boost your mood and confidence, help you sleep better, and more. You may not become a Casanova with the ladies, but the guy spotting you on the bench press or complimenting your shoulders might just become a new best friend, something men desperately need more of.



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There's no need to feel self conscious.

Body dysmorphia really knows no bounds. We tend to think of insecurities as focusing on things like the flatness of our stomachs or the size of our noses. But perhaps the thing that people are most self-conscious about is the thing we actually talk about the least.

According to one study, about 30% of men are "dissatisfied" with the size, shape, or appearance of their penis. That number is even higher when it comes to how women feel about their vaginas. A survey done by Refinery29 showed that almost half of women had "concerns" about the appearance of their vulva.

The numbers say anywhere from a third to a half or more of all people think there's something wrong with the way our private parts look. Which begs the question: If we all think we're weird, is anybody really weird at all?

A fascinating Reddit thread recently polled experts on this very topic—people who tend to see an awful lot of genitals in their line of work: Waxing technicians or estheticians. The responses were oddly inspiring.

The prompt asked, "Waxers, how often are you surprised by how a clients genitals look?"

Professional waxers chimed in with their stories and observations. As did doctors, nurses, pelvic floor therapists, urologists, and lots of other pros who work closely with people's unmentionables.

Here are a few of the best responses:

Laura Woolf/Flickr


"Gonna chime in as a doctor - and I would imagine it’s the same for professional waxers. WE. DONT. CARE. And in my case I would be surprised if you’d show me something I’ve never seen before." - feelgoodx

"I use to be very self conscious and insecure about my genitals. I honestly thought I had a weird vagina. But working in this industry has taught me that every one is a snowflake. I’ve seen it all and nothing surprises me. Just clean yourself before coming in." - Wild-Clementine

"Not a waxer but I am a labor and delivery nurse. I see a vulva every single day I work, often multiple, and frequently about 3 feet from my face with a spotlight on it lol. Not much surprises me. Most are out of my memory by the time they're clothed or covered up. When it comes to genitals you want to be unremarkable." - tlotd

"Very, very rarely. Shaved, not shaved, lots o’ labia, no labia, etc—it’s all the same to me. I’m just here to work." - Important-Tackle

"never. i have seen it all. scars, hyperpigmentation, unevenness; none of it surprises me. just please wash yourself before coming to me." - pastelmorning

"Nothing surprises me, I'm mostly just focusing on the hair, but i do have a client who has a tuft of hair on the underside of his shaft near the tip of his penis we call his downstairs soul patch." - noorisms

Two big takeaways:

First, outside of obvious mutilations or pathologies, nothing stands out to people who are extremely knowledgeable about genitals. Differences in size, shape, and structure are totally normal and barely even register on the radar!

Second, no matter what you look like down there, good hygiene is always appreciated. A solid tip that extends far beyond the borders of the esthetician's office!

Being embarrassed, self-conscious, or even ashamed of the way your parts look doesn't seem like a big deal, but it can be.

gourd and white tape measure on blue surfaceEmbarrassment about the nether regions is normal, but it can be harmful if not checked. Photo by charlesdeluvio on Unsplash

It's bizarre and tragic that unrealistic beauty standards actually effect the way we perceive our own nether regions. Pornography, media, and inconsiderate past partners all play a role in people developing anxiety about the way their genitals look.

Both men and women can have their sex lives negatively impacted by bad self-image and anxiety over the way they look naked. When the shame is really bad, it can hold them back in relationships, or even stop them from seeking them in the first place.

Fear of being judged or humiliated can stop women in particular from not just going in for a wax, but from going to the gynecologist or asking potentially-embarrassing but critical and life-saving health questions.

If you've ever been a little self-conscious, take it from the experts, from the people who have seen hundreds if not thousands of genitals up close and personal, in the most unflattering lighting and from the worst angles possible: You're totally normal!

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It's long been known that women, on average, take longer showers than men. The disparity isn't too large, just a minute or two overall, but it indicates there is a difference between how men and women are approaching their bathing hygiene. Now we know why... even if wish we didn't.

Brit Richards recently asked her husband about his shower routine on a whim of curiosity. After he explained it, she whipped out her phone in disbelief and asked him to tell her again while she recorded. Other people were going to need to see this to believe it.

"I'm just so upset," she says jokingly in the intro to the video. "I found out how my husband washes his body in the shower."

A caption overlaying the video reads: "PLEASE HELP. THIS CAN NOT BE HOW MEN SHOWER."

What's got Brit so freaked out? The pantomimed routine starts off well enough, with John scrubbing his beard and scalp with soap. OK, cool. But then we move onto the body, and, well, you'll just want to watch. Or, actually, maybe you don't.

@britforreal

“Mom, I’m scared. Can you come pick me up?” #men #husband #shower #help

Brit reacts in horror as her husband demonstrates that he washes what he calls "The Triangle" (an area that encompasses the groin and lower belly, basically) and then the "AMEX" (don't make me explain it. You watched the video, right?). And then... that's it.

Sure, we've covered the most important bits. But the thoroughness of John's routine definitely leaves a lot to be desired.

"You don't even wash your pits?" she asks him. "Sometimes," he says.

"You don't round the corners of your cheeks and you sit on public toilets? ... You've never washed your legs or feet?" The answer is extremely unfortunate.

Brit ends the video by telling him, tongue-in-cheek, of course, "You can't live here anymore."

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John takes the criticism in stride and with a laugh, but the viral video's three million viewers are raising important questions.

To put it bluntly, women who saw Brit's video were absolutely horrified:

"Girl you didn't realize his showers were 20 seconds long?" one user asked.

"EVERY INCH NEEDS TO BE WASHED. EVERY INCH."

"You need to take showers together to supervise."

"BRB going to go talk to my teenage boys…I’m not about to raise a man that does this."

The roasts just kept coming, to the point that Brit started to feel a little bad for publicly putting her husband on blast. "POV: You told the Internet that your husband does the triangle wash in the shower and now millions of people are roasting him in your comment section and its actually all your fault," she captioned a follow up video. Woops!

John may be the unwitting face of the 'Triangle Wash' movement, but he's definitely not the only one. Commenters had plenty to say about that, too:

@britforreal

Replying to @Mama I’m sorry babe, but 2025 isn’t gonna be your year. #marriage #shower #help #sos

"You are not alone! I even saved your video to show my husband because apparently washing “parts” is all he does too 🙄🤣.. it’s been an argument for years!"

"My husband takes like THE shortest showers and I’m so nervous to have this conversation with him! My anxiety can not"

"Yup I broke up with a guy after I seen the way he "washed" himself."

My theory on why so many men seem to be lacking in basic hygiene and grooming? It's because they weren't taught anything growing up outside of the bare basics, and then they were conditioned to think anything more than that was 'girly'. There are lot of hygiene and hygiene-related tasks that are considered feminine, like: Washing your face, moisturizing, taming your eyebrows, trimming your nails, exfoliating, wearing chapstick, and more. It stands to reason that putting too much effort into smelling good, being clean, and grooming our most sensitive areas could be interpreted as "unmanly."

A 2022 review of survey data interestingly found that more egalitarian countries, or countries where there was greater social equality between sexes, tended to see a smaller difference between how men and women approached hygiene. Less sex equality was associated with a greater difference in hygiene norms between men and women. So there's plenty of evidence that our gendered hygiene habits are created, at least in part, by our surroundings and not inherently embedded in our DNA.

Guys, I know that our culture has instilled some toxic beliefs in us, but we've just got to do better. We need to wash our pits and feet and, occasionally, wash the grime and oil from our faces properly. It's the least we can do, if not for ourselves, then for our partners. Being a little stinky and rough around the edges might have been cool in the Wild West, but they invented body wash for a reason.