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Expert shares the key 'brain training' trick to master the cravings you can't resist

Here's how to break bad habits.

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A woman tempted by a chocolate bar.

Imagine a life where you had complete control over your cravings. You'd be able to resist that big hunk of chocolate cake. You’d be able to know when enough is enough with alcohol and drugs. You’d also have the willpower to put your phone down when your mind tells you to pick it up and start scrolling through Instagram.

While perfect self-control seems impossible (and not very fun), studies show that a technique called urge surfing is very effective at helping people control their cravings so they become less frequent and intense over time. Instead of using white-knuckled willpower to get through an uncomfortable craving, urge surfing is a practice where you observe the craving as it moves through your body until it goes away.

What is urge surfing?

Let’s say you have a strong urge to eat a candy bar. Picture the urge as a wave and imagine yourself riding the wave as it naturally ebbs and flows rather than fighting the urge to give in to the craving. You recognize the urge, pay attention to the accompanying thoughts, and feel the sensations that go through your body. It’s all about accepting the craving and allowing it to pass.

surfing, surfers, waves, mindfulness, cravings, ocean, swimmingA surfer catching air.via Canva/Photos

Jennifer Salzaman, known on TikTok as @RebelwithoutaDrink, explained the practice in a video. “Urge surfing is exactly what it sounds like. It’s riding out an urge just like a surfer rides a wave. When that craving or that urge peaks, it feels like it will never go away, and you have to act on it. But you don't, as uncomfortable as it is, it is just a feeling. It's just a thought, and it will pass if you can stay present, and you can stay curious, and you can let that urge and that craving run its course. You're training your brain to deal with the discomfort. The more you do this, the easier it will be to achieve the changes that you seek.”

@rebelwithoutadrink

Urge surfing is a technique for managing our unwanted behaviors. Rather than giving in to an urge, we can learn to ride it out, like a surfer riding a wave. After a short time, the urge will pass on its own! #quitdrinking #cravings #alcoholfreejourney

Dr. Sanam Hafeez tells Verywell Mind that understanding the ocean metaphor is important because it gives us a reference point to realize that the craving will peak and pass. Hafeez says, "Visualize the urge as a wave in the ocean, rising in intensity before eventually cresting and subsiding." She suggests you "picture yourself riding this wave, allowing it to peak without giving in to impulsive actions." Remind yourself that “urges, like waves, are temporary and will eventually pass if you allow them to."

According to Dartmouth-Hitchcock Addiction and Recovery, the most you’ll have to surf any craving is 30 minutes, and then it will leave you alone for a while. However, it’s crucial to surf them, not to feed them. “We feed urges through ruminating, giving them attention, planning to fulfill them, engaging in apparently irrelevant and unimportant behaviors, justifying, etc. Urges will pass on their own if we allow them to,” the recovery center says.

mindfulness, peaceful, restful, woman resting, woman as peace, woman satisfiedA woman relaxing on the couch. via Canva/Photos

The great thing is that after you successfully surf a few urges and they go away, it will train your brain to handle the discomfort, which will make handling cravings increasingly easier. Most cravings will become more manageable, less frequent, and intense over time. The key is to train your brain to handle them through surfing.

It should be said that urge surfing is just one tool for helping people overcome intense cravings. It is not meant to be a replacement for professional treatment for a serious addiction or disorder. If you are suffering from problems stemming from drug or alcohol addiction or disordered eating, please get professional help.

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Stuck in the past or worried about the future? 6 tips for living more fully in the present.

Living in the now is both harder and easier than it sounds.

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Living in the present includes finding joy in small things.

One of the hallmarks of being human is that, without even leaving our own heads, we can live in three different places—the past, the present and the future. We all have memories of things that have happened in our lives, which we might reminisce on fondly or relive traumatically. And we all have our imaginings of things to come, in which we place our hopes and dreams as well as our worries and anxieties.

And then we have the now, where all of us actually live. Despite the fact that the present moment is the only place life actively happens, many of us spend much more time mentally living in the past or in the future. We might long for a time when things were better or dwell in the past where we wish things had been different. We might look forward to something that's coming next—a big life event, a change, a break from the routine—or we might find ourselves paralyzed by the fear of an uncertain future.

There's nothing wrong with looking back or looking ahead, but if we don't look at the present right before us more often, we end up missing out on life as we're living it. The past can't be changed and the future is unknown; the only time that we can truly live fully is now.

It sounds so simple, right? If it were easy to live in the present, we'd all be doing it more often. Habits of mind can be hard change, but tips for living in the now aren't complicated. It's both easier and harder than it sounds to live in the now, but these habits can help us strike a healthier balance.

"Use the good china"

We live by a lot of unwritten rules, some that are there for good reason and some that aren't. Examining the do's and don'ts we have set for ourselves—or that others have set for us—is a worthwhile endeavor, especially when they lead us to experience life more fully in the now.

How many of us have dishes for special occasions that rarely (or never) get used or special outfits we're saving for some unnamed future event? What if we used the good china more often, just because? What if we wore our fancy dress out to dinner, just because? Would the world end? No. Might we enjoy making the most of what we're holding onto for special occasions that might never come? Probably.

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It's fine to have special things for special occasions, but there's no set definition of "special," and if not now, when?

"Always take the trip"

One of the best pieces of parenting advice I ever received was "always take the trip." The idea is that our kids grow quickly, and if we're ever considering not taking a family trip because the timing or cost isn't ideal, as long as it's doable, to just do it.

That advice spills over into more than just parenting. If we have opportunities to make memories with loved ones, to experience something together outside of our norm, we should take them. There will always be reasons to say no or to put things off, but that doesn't mean we should. Barring actual financial ruin or some other dire consequence, take the trip, whatever it is.

Ground yourself in your senses

This is an exercise that can help stop a panic attack, but it can be used any time you find your mind spinning in the past or future. Becoming hyper aware of your physical surroundings can bring you into the present moment in a tangible way, and it's quite simple to do. Look around and name 5 things you see, list 4 things you hear, 3 things you feel, 2 things you smell and 1 thing you taste. Then sit with those physical senses for a moment, taking them all in.

Meditate—however it works for you

I know, I know. Some of us love meditation and others find it impossible. Much of the time, people who feel like they can't meditate have a limited view of what meditation means or what it can look like. But there are a million ways to reap the proven benefits of meditation.

via GIPHY

You don't have to sit cross-legged and you don't have to try to "clear your mind." You can lie down. You can walk. You can focus on your breathing or on a word or phrase or image. When your mind starts wandering or racing or otherwise doing what it normally does, intentionally direct it back to whatever you're focusing on.

That mindfulness helps bring you into the present moment. Start with a couple of minutes a day and build up. It doesn't have to be complicated. Don't overthink it. Find a comfortable position or a movement you enjoy and pick one thing to focus your attention on. That's it.

Practice gratitude

The idea of practicing gratitude has almost become a cliché at this point, but hey, it works. What are you thankful for in your life right now? Making a habit of ending each day writing down or thinking about what you're grateful for is a powerful way to appreciate the present.

If you struggle to find something you're thankful for, think beyond your own immediate circumstances. Humans created public libraries and they exist all over the world—isn't that amazing? Grateful. Sunrises and sunsets and puppies and flowers? Grateful. The fact that we live in an era with toilet paper? Grateful.

There's always something to be thankful for in the now.

Find joy in small things

Life has its big moments, but most of our daily life is made up of small things. If we only look forward or backward to big things, we miss out on a lot of the simple joys of everyday life—the first sip of coffee in the morning, the sound of a loved one's laughter, the feel of the wind in your hair.

man joyfully riding a bicycle.Enjoy the little things.Photo credit: Canva

Take a moment to look at how the light comes through a window, how cute your cat looks when she's sleeping, the beauty of your favorite decor in your home, the smell of your favorite food.

Remembering that our present is the future our past self used to look forward to can help us remember the importance of living in the moment. Reflect on the past and plan for the future, but in moderation. Life is happening in the now.

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Pop Culture

Neuroscientists say this is the most relaxing song in the world

Enya’s got nothing on this song.

via Pexels

What's the most relaxing song in the world?

Stressed? Of course you are. Luckily for you, and the entire U.S. population, scientists believe they may have identified the most relaxing song in the world.

Music has forever been associated with bringing about relaxation, happiness, and serenity — whether it's a Gregorian chant or some Enya accompanied by a glass of merlot.

Neuroscientists in the United Kingdom think they have found the one song that relieves stress and soothes our souls more than any other.

Mindlab International, a market research firm, conducted a study a few years ago in which participants completed difficult (and possibly stressful) puzzles while their brain activity was monitored. To study its effect, music was played while they completed the puzzles.

One song stood out above the rest. "Weightless" by Marconi Union (listen below), an English ambient music band, induced a 65% reduction in stress among participants, according to Inc. And DailyMail.com reported that the song was 11% more effective than most other songs — by such musicians as Adele and Coldplay — in reducing blood pressure, heart rate, and breathing speed.

The 2011 song was created by the band, along with the British Academy of Sound Therapy, to do just that — relax listeners.

If you prefer something with lyrics, try Enya's "Watermark" or "Pure Shores" by All Saints, which were also proven to be relaxing,

Music therapy is considered to be a natural therapy important in alleviating stress. Because stress is an important cause of other deadly illness, fighting it is key to maintaining good health. Numerous studies have shown how damaging stress can be to our bodies and our brain. So don't let it get out of control. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the music.

This article originally appeared on 11.03.16

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Celebrity

Jewel makes waves in mental health field with album release 'The Portal' and new company

"It started with me just sort of dropping to my knees at 40 and saying, 'I just don't know how to move forward.'"

Photo by Brendan Walter via Shorefire Press Release

Jewel makes waves in mental health field with 'The Portal'

Mental health is something that is just recently starting to be understood in a different light. In previous years you'd hear the term mental health and think about all the negative stereotypes that came along with it. But as people learn more and become more open about their own mental health challenges, public perception is shifting to a more compassionate response.

One person who is no stranger to compassion is the 90s icon, Jewel. When she first stubbled on the scene in the mid 90s she had no intention on becoming a music superstar with music that continues to encourage millions to be compassionate, kind humans. Recently Jewel spoke with Upworthy about the impact her music makes on people and her many projects, including the imprint she's leaving on the mental health field.

"My fans calling themselves the Every Day Angels, was just this movement in my fanbase of like how can they answer miracles for other people. Not miracles, maybe that's not the right word but answer prayers or just help basically. That it doesn't take some huge heroic nonprofit. It's just about being kind and paying attention to what your community needs," Jewel said in an interview with Upworthy.

Photo courtesy of Shorefire

Paying attention to community needs is exactly what Jewel has been doing when she's not busy writing soul touching music, singing, creating art or hangin out with her son Kase. The Grammy nominated singer has been quietly working on an immersive art exhibit that was recently unveiled at Crystal Bridges Museum of American Art.

The exhibit aptly titled "The Portal" transcends viewers into a world that melds together art, mental health and technology in a way that sort of forces you to slow down to absorb what's around you. Each piece created has a special meaning to the artist and tells a journey of her own healing as she moved through the healing process after her divorce from rodeo cowboy Ty Murray.

"The journey of my healing the last 10 years was sort of everything I put into that art experience. It started with me just sort of dropping to my knees at 40 and saying, 'I just don't know how to move forward. I need to learn a new way,' and asking for help. For me that's what the hologram represents. It's sort of the answer to that prayer," Jewel reveals.

Photo courtesy of Shorefire

The EP, which carries the same title as the exhibit, essentially brings that part of the exhibit into public view. It's a unique mix of guided meditation and music that coincides with a drone powered light show at Crystal Bridges. But with the EP released to the public, people can experience the beautiful amalgamation in the comfort of their own homes.

It takes the sounds of real life and places them in the background as Jewel guides you through meditation. The slow beating of a heart is palpable forcing your nervous system to slow down as she moves you through letting go of the troubles of the day before heading into an upbeat song.

"The meditation at the beginning with the heartbeat, there's no light show during that. That's just a two minute audio meditation that works with people's nervous systems. I chose a heart rate that's probably slower than more peoples are at," Jewel tells Upworthy. "When we hear a heartbeat and we hear a heartbeat rate our own physiology because of mirror neurons, your physiology starts to respond."

Photo courtesy of Shorefire

The singer tells Upworthy that her goal with the drone show coupled with the guided meditation was to create the posture of awe. It's the posture people take when they see something awe inspiring, she descries it as when someone looks up with their mouth agape taking in something beautiful. Jewel says this awe posture is something that she witnessed during the eclipse as New Yorkers stopped to see the moon pass in front of the sun.

But the art exhibit is hardly the only thing Jewel is currently working on. The multi-platinum artist is co-headlining a tour with Melissa Etheridge and has co-founded a new mental health platform called Innerworld.

Innerworld is bridging the gap in mental health care through its virtual platform. Jewel cofounded the company with Noah Robinson who is also the CEO of the platform that integrates technology with mental health to provide affordable and accessible mental health options for people who may be lacking accesses or need additional supports.

Innerworld allows users to access the platform via virtual reality headsets, which serves a deeper purpose according to Robinson.

"My realization that I was gay at the age of 13 led me into a deep depression and I escaped by living in an online virtual world as an anonymous avatar for over 10,000 hours. I found a community that saved my life and gave me the courage to come out of the closet.

My experience led me to wonder: instead of designing virtual worlds like casinos to trap people with hits of dopamine, what if psychologists could build a mental health app to help people come back to reality more empowered than they left it? That’s why we created Innerworld: to translate scientifically validated mental health tools into a 24/7 community where everyone can get the help they need."

Photo by Dana Trippe via Shorefire Press Release

The mental health platform created by Robinson and Jewel has different tiers starting at free and currently capping out at $120 a month. Each tier provides users with different levels of support with the highest tier giving users access to licensed mental health professionals along with everything else that's available in the lower tiers. Affordability and accessibility were both crucial to the singer.

"We knew we wanted to create a mental health intervention platform that was based in science, that was tracking clinical outcomes. We are a clinical research platform and we knew we wanted to do something that scaled and something that was affordable," Jewel says. "For us it was coming up with something that could meet everybody's needs but still being very affordable."

Listen to "The Portal" below:

So, if you're keeping up, Jewel has been painting, sculpting, mothering, writing, singing, preparing for a tour, and creating a virtual mental health platform. But she isn't one to make it seem like she's able to do it all without help from others. The singer was very clear that she relies on her village to help her and sometimes she has to chose what is more important to her in that moment, which may be refreshing for other working moms to hear.

All these ripples of kindness and empathy coming from the singer isn't the least bit surprising. Here's hoping that these ripples turn into waves of change in the world of mental health accessibility and the embracing of preventative mental health measures through meditation, art and other forms of healing.

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