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Men give real answers to what they find romantic when it comes to women. It's really sweet.

This is not what is portrayed in movies.

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Men reveal what they find romantic in relationships with women

When we look at movies, they often portray men and women as completely different beings bumbling about trying to make it work. Even outside of film, listen to any podcast designed to inform women about what men want in a relationship and you'll hear something completely different. It can feel exhausting trying to sift through what's true and what's just stereotypical rhetoric wrapped up in a romantic bow.

It's not often that we get to hear directly from men who aren't attempting to sound a certain way in front of other guys, or tell women what they want to hear. When asked directly about what they consider romantic when it comes to their female partner, the simplicity of their answers may be surprising to some. The answers didn't involve any over-the-top gestures or anything related to sex.

It seems that the men who answered the question have been waiting for someone to ask so they can draw a map to their hearts. "When she laughs at my jokes, hugs me, and tells me how happy she is with a man who makes her laugh so much," one man starts off the endearing list.

gif of someone opening a note that says "I Love You'romance GIFGiphy

Some guys just want all the cuddles.

"I’m big into cuddles, but what I like is when somebody checks in on me. Not just “How are you?” but asking specific questions… especially if I’ve previously communicated something that was going on with me and they check back in about it. It seems so simple, but it’s such a rare thing these days," one guy says.

Take a moment to consider your fella.

One happy man shares in part, "When we’re apart, she’ll sometimes send me a photo of something most would find trivial but it was the thought of “this will make him smile!” and it does. She noticed my lips were a bit dry in the cold, so she bought me a stick of lip balm the next time I saw her. It didn’t cost much but it was because she cared about my health and well-being. When I think of it, it always makes me happy!"

gif of animated boy with heart eyesI Love You Hearts GIFGiphy

Another guy shares a similar sentiment: "Acts of service without being promted[sic]. People go out of their way to let me know I matter. I never expect it, so when I do, it gets me."

"Depending on the attraction I feel it could be almost anything considerate, even just wanting a hug," one person admits, while another agrees with him. "Ayep. I've always been treated as disposable, and judged solely on what I can provide to others. That's just how it is, and won't change. I don't need poems, or trinkets, etc. Just show any amount of consideration for me as a person."

Guys love a handwritten love letter

One man says, "I'm in an LDR (long-distance relationship). Every time she is here, she leaves little handwritten notes all over the place. Most are one-liners with little declarations of love, silly comments and the like, for me to find as time goes by while she's away. I have found myself crying like a baby several times when I found these on hard days. For the most part they make me happy for at least the rest of the day, though. Started collecting them as well as tickets for activities we've done together and other scraps in a little booklet."

gif of animated love letterI Love You Hearts GIF by DIVE INN - Die InnovationsagenturGiphy

Men like flowers too, so find out his favorite and surprise him.

"My girlfriend bought me flowers and I felt like the most special man in the world! It was never something I consciously wanted (after all, flowers are for women, right?) but it was such a sweet gesture. She said most men receive flowers for the first time at their funeral and she wanted to change that for me. I now encourage every woman to do this!"

"Also, like others have said, we tend to receive fewer compliments, gestures, etc., so basically any little show of affection or love can be so meaningful to men," one man reminds women.

gif of man receiving flowersFlower Love GIF by TechSmithGiphy

Someone else adds, "I once had a girl buy me flowers for Valentine's Day and it melted my heart. We only went out a few times but I still think about it. I love little romantic gestures like that."

It doesn't have to be complicated to make a guy feel romanced. No need for a new car wrapped in a bow or an elaborate date. Seems like most guys just want the same things most women want: to feel seen, appreciated, considered, and desired. Nothing says romance like knowing your partner doesn't just love you, but they also like you and actually want to be in your presence.

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Family

Doctor has a super simple tip to keep "default parenting" from happening

It might seem like overkill, but can actually be very helpful.

Photo credit: Canva

Sometimes what seems like over-communication is actually just normal communication.

We’ve pretty much all heard about default parenting at this point. But very few conversations deal with how to prevent it. Sure, we hear plenty of stories of fed-up moms finally drawing a line in the sand after those obligatory responsibilities take their toll, but how to keep it from happening in the first place?

This can be a struggle for all couples, because without constant effort and communication, it’s so easy to go into default mode. But pediatrician Dr. Em (@dr.emzieees) has a tip that can really help. It’s advice she learned when first becoming a doctor, that she now shares with parents during their first appointment—assuming that the child is in fact being raised by two parents, and those parents are one mome and one dad, that is.

The advice is this: “If either parent is leaving the room, they need to tell the other parent.”

Now, this might seem rudimentary, but as Dr. Em explains, we don’t often see an even dynamic between moms and dads here. Painting the picture, she said, “When both parents are in the room, if mom needs to leave the room — if she needs to go to the bathroom, if she needs to change her clothes — she tells her partner.”

Meanwhile fathers “will oftentimes just get up and leave the room because they know that mom is there.”


@dr.emzieees♬ original sound - Dr. Em 🩺


Even this seemingly innocent habit is a problem, because if only one partner, (i.e., “dad”) “can get up and leave at any time and not say anything,” that sends the message that there’s only one parent that HAS to be available at all times. And that parent is, you guessed it, mom.

“It’s something a lot of men don’t realize unless you tell them. If mom doesn’t know when her duties are going to start and end she’s just always on duty for the baby,” Dr. Em reiterated.

If there was any doubt that this is, in fact, a common occurrence for women, read the comments below:

“I had this exact argument with my husband when our daughter was young. I wa sSO MAD that he could just come and go as he pleased, and I couldn't

“Hubby and I had this argument when our youngest was a baby. Sometimes he’ led the house without saying anything. 6 years down the round and he would NEVER. Our kiddo is safer d/t this rule.”

“Thank you for this! I’ve been trying to explain to my husband why I get upset that he just leaves and he hasn't quite got it from how I’m explaining it- but I showed him this and he said it makes sense and now he understands.”

Then again, a lot of couples seemed to have found their way into this healthy habit naturally.

“My husband and I have always told each other we’re leaving the room. I never realized this wasn't the norm,” one person wrote.

So often in healthy partnerships—especially those that involve raising a human together—rely on excellent communication. It might feel like overkill at first, but it’s a subtle-yet-effective way to consistently stay on the same page. None of us might be born with these skills, but we can all get better through practice.

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Joy

How the 'magic' 5:1 ratio can be the key to marital bliss

It was developed by famed psychologist Dr. John Gottman.

via Canva/Photos

A happily married couple.

Have you ever wondered whether you fight too much or are snippy too often with your significant other? Conflict is normal in long-term relationships, but when do too many negative interactions become harmful?

The interesting (and helpful) thing is that a ratio reveals the number of negative versus positive interactions one should have with one's spouse. The ratio was created by Dr. John Gottman, who known for conducting studies in which he and his team could predict whether a couple would get divorced with 94% accuracy.

What is the 5:1 ratio for relationships?

Gottman says that in healthy couples, there should be, at minimum, 5 positive interactions for every negative one. "The difference between happy and unhappy couples is the balance between positive and negative interactions during conflict,” Gottman said. “There is a very specific ratio that makes love last. That ‘magic ratio’ is 5 to 1. This means that for every negative interaction during conflict, a stable and happy marriage has five (or more) positive interactions."

The underlying message is that unhappy couples tend to engage in fewer positive interactions and if their positive-to-negative ratio drops to 1-to-1 or less, they may be headed for divorce.

marriage, dr. john gottman, 5:1 ratioA happily married couple.via Canva/Photos

What are some examples of negative interactions with your spouse?

  • Invalidating them
  • Not doing a task you told your partner you would do
  • Failing to listen
  • Rejecting a bid for connection, such as a hug or a conversation
  • Raising your voice
  • Rolling your eyes
  • Forgetting events or milestones that are important to your partner

Gottman also stresses in his research that when couples communicate negatively using the “Four Horsemen,” the relationship may be headed for divorce. The Four Horsemen are Defensiveness, Criticism, Contempt, or Stonewalling. “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is a metaphor depicting the end of times in the New Testament,” Gottman’s website reads. “They describe conquest, war, hunger, and death, respectively. We use this metaphor to describe communication styles that, according to our research, can predict the end of a relationship.

The 5:1 ratio provides married people with a good baseline on what constitutes a healthy relationship and a good idea of when the relationship has become too negative. After all, none of us are perfect, and we all deserve grace. But how much is too much?

The ratio reminds us that we can all improve our relationships by striving to have more positive interactions than negative ones. Even if your ratio is high and healthy, there’s nothing wrong with trying your best to do better for your and your partner.

marriage, dr. john gottman, 5:1 ratioA happily married couple.via Canva/Photos

What are some examples of positive interactions you can have with your spouse?

  • Be affectionate
  • Show appreciation
  • Actively listen when they speak
  • Do something that relieves their stress level, whether it’s a chore or helping with the kids
  • Be thoughtful through small gestures that let you know you’re thinking of them.
  • Validate their feelings
  • Be empathetic, especially during conflict

Remember, just because you disagree with your spouse doesn’t mean it has to be a negative experience. “When the masters of marriage are talking about something important,” Dr. Gottman says, “they may be arguing, but they are also laughing and teasing and there are signs of affection because they have made emotional connections.”

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Modern Families

Mom explains why her '50 Christmases' rule can help you choose a the best life partner

Some useful wisdom told in a fresh new way.

@erinbrucexo/TikTok

Marriage can take many forms, but at least one thing remains true no matter what the relationship looks like—the goal is to have a partner that actually makes your life better.

That sounds easy enough, but it’s actually not so easy to decipher sometimes. But one mom’s advice that worked on her own kids sounds pretty sound for everyone.

She calls it her “50 Christmases Rule.”

In a clip posted to her TikTok, Erin Bruce, a mom of four, explained that, “I always told my kids that whoever you marry is going to make the family gathering on Christmas morning better for 50 years or worse for 50 years. You are not just choosing someone that you are attracted to ... You’re choosing someone that’s going to enhance or destroy Christmas for the next 50 years.”

This is advice her kids luckily listened to, and to great success with their own partners.

Bruce then said, “It’s better when spouses are…peacemakers. They add a lot of joy and fun, and great conversation. They’re great listeners, they bridge things, they ask questions, they bring joy, they’re not moody, they’re positive, they’re helpful. So when you’re looking for someone you’re looking for someone that does all those things for the family.”


@erinbrucexo♬ original sound - Erin Bruce 💁🏼♀️


With such a highly relatable metaphor, it’s hard not to take in this wisdom in a whole new way. No matter what significance you infuse into the holidays, odds are you experience it every year in one way or another, and probably want the day to be pleasant. If so, you’d probably want your partner to help bring in some of that good cheer, rather than bring the vibes down.

Folks in the comment section—particularly those who have had not-so-great partners in this arena—couldn't agree more.

“I was married less than a year,” one person shared. “The Thanksgiving and Christmas I had while married were two of the worst days of my life.”

Another added, “I have deep regrets of not thinking about this when I got married at 23. I was so young I didn’t realize it.”

Still another pointed out that it might not be the partner themselves, but the partner’s family, that causes the issue, saying, “Before you go falling in love with him, find out if his mom is nuts. My MIL made a lot of Christmases worse.”

Some argued that this rule could go for any family function. One person said, “also vacations, choosing the wrong person can make family vacations horrible.”

There were also plenty of positive examples reiterating Bruce’s point.

One person shared, “Yes! My two brothers married the best women and they have been such a blessing to our family! They enhance our family so much!”

Some perspective to chew on, for sure. Whether you’re in a committed relationship or seeking one. And just in time for the approaching holidays.

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