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Wellness

Ex-smokers share what made them successfully quit cigarettes. It's an encouraging read for us all.

Proof that wildly different strategies can all lead to the same place.

Photo credit: Canva

Quitting smoking is notoriously difficult, but people have round creative ways.

For much of the 20th century, smoking was commonplace in the United States. Cigarettes were cheap. Ashtrays were everywhere. A long, slow drag from a cigarette was a dramatic standard for characters on movies and TV shows. For decades, smoking wasn't even considered unhealthy—in fact, doctors were even used to advertise cigarettes in the 1940s and 50s.

The ubiquity of smoking began to change with research on the health impacts of cigarettes starting in the 1960s, and public attitudes towards it took another dramatic turn when research showed the dangers of secondhand smoke in the 1980s. Smoking went from accepted and expected to taboo in a relatively short period of time, but as people decided to try to quit, it became clear how addictive cigarettes really are.

Beating a nicotine addiction and smoking habit is notoriously difficult, but millions of people have proven that it's possible. Someone asked ex-smokers to share what finally got them to quit cigarettes for good, and the answers contain an important lesson for anyone who is trying to make or break hard habits in their lives—just because one thing doesn't work for you, it doesn't mean something else won't.

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As the huge range in these responses show, there is no one right answer for everyone, but there is a right answer for you. It might take trying different things for a while, but don't give up. You never know what that one trigger is going to be that will change everything, so keep trying.

Here are some of the things that got ex-smokers to quit for good:

Not wanting to lose a bet

"I'm probably like a lot of former smokers that tried to quit a number of times before being successful. Then a friend and I were out fishing and he began talking about quitting smoking. He wanted to bet $50 that he could outlast me. Beer drinking and trash talking commenced and the bet got up to $500. So I am way too cheap to lose a bet like that and so I went weeks without the butts. My friend came around, admitted that he was back on the smokes and paid up the $500. I was tempted to go back but was feeling so much better without the cigs, kept it going."

"My mom quit smoking cigarettes in college the same way. She couldn't turn down a $50 wager (this was back in the 70's where that wasn't exactly chump change) and toughed through whatever withdrawals were like for her, and she never picked up the habit again."

"I quit the same way. Bet between me and my sister in 2012 but it was $20. Both of us haven’t touched a cig and the bet still stands."

Jennifer Garner Fun GIF by NETFLIXGiphy

The desire to avoid certain people

"Dumbest and least relatable reason incoming:

My housemate wanted me to smuggle cigarettes, but I didn't want to, so I said I'd veeeery recently quit and didn't want to be tempted to smoke by having thousands of them around. So I had to keep up the lie at that point."

"My neighbour followed me outside for every smoke and was so annoying that I just lost all desire. It was easier to just quit than it was to avoid her. It’s been 3 or 4 years now."

Health scares

"Doctor said I might have lung cancer. Quit January 18 2011."

"My dad quit smoking after 40 years due to a stroke. He died of lung cancer 18 years later at 83."

"My mum passed away from lung cancer 3 years ago yesterday :(

I quit that very day and immediately switched to vaping (I already had many failed attempts at switching). I then gave up vaping a year later (I had gradually reduced to 0% nicotine). I used Duolingo learning Spanish to replace vape breaks etc. Hope this helps someone."

"Same for me about few years before that. Not cancer. Shadow, likely from childhood fungal infection. Still. Was the push needed to finally quit for good."

"Same same. Smoked almost 30 years. Had quit a few times for a few weeks to a few months. But it felt like suffering. Started vaping but was still smoking. The day my doctor told me I had cancer I went for a walk. Lit a smoke which I usually do when I’m out for a stroll. But it felt stupid smoking when a doctor just told you got cancer. It wasn’t lung but still. Been about 4 years now."

Health Love GIF by ikosewingGiphy

Tricking yourself into not feeling deprived

"I have a pack in a drawer 'just in case.' I’ll never touch it, but having it there makes me feel like it’s a safety net.

"I bought a pack of cigarettes (my last one) and put it on that bowl next to the door where you put your keys. When I was a smoker I always felt more in need of a smoke if I didn't have a pack, I sometimes went to buy cigarettes in the middle of the night just to not feel that.

I decided to stop one minute at a time. Each time I wanted to smoke I would tell myself in 10 minutes if I still want to smoke I will and then just move on to something else (do not sit in front of a timer waiting) usually a couple of minutes later the need is not as urgent anymore.

You don't have to think about an eternity smoke free, you just need to make it one minute at a time. Eventually, it had been 3 weeks, and I wasn't about to ruin my efforts, then 3 months, then a year, and now it had been 7 years.

I have one of those apps that tell you how much your health improved as you stay smoke-free.

Another thing is that I kept on hanging out with smokers, I wanted to stay exposed to my environment.

So far, so good. I still get cravings, but I don't act on them. But once a smoker always a smoker, I could relapse if I start smoking again."

Gradual weaning

"I read an article in the paper showing stats that indicated that the cancer risk increased radically at 10 cigarettes a day. So I chose the 10 cigarettes that I craved the most + stuck with that. Occasionally, I would be in a bar or at a party and smoke more than my 10. But whenever that happened I would go back to 10 cigarettes the very next day. About a year later I dropped to nine cigarettes, and stuck with that for quite a while, eventually to 8. After a long period of time, I was down to 1-2 cigarettes a day. One very busy day, I forgot to smoke. The next day I struggled, wondering if I was really ready to quit. I still have dreams about that day, about whether or not I should have a cigarette. I quit, and I haven't smoked in 22 years."

"I did something similar. But one day at a time. I was inspired by John Waters, who looked cool when he smoked, but managed to quit. He counted days. Also: My cravings were worst in the evening, so I told myself if I could get through the night I could have one in the morning. I hardly ever wanted to smoke in the morning. Also, I didn’t beat myself up if I caved in after, say, a week. If I smoke one that’s still seven days without a cigarette. And if I stop again that would only be one cigarette in eight days, nine days, etc.

Smoking one after a while is not 'failing' but little breaks between big successes. I’m smoke free for ten years now. With no breaks at all."

Making it really gross

"Drove 10 hours with my father in law in the car. He smoked a pipe and inhaled it. At one point, he coughed so hard he puked out the window. Quit the next day."

"I am 4 years smoke free. I have a serious mouse phobia. So, when i decided I no longer wanted to smoke I would force myself to look at picture/videos of rodents. My brain quickly started associating smoking with mice."

Judge Thats Disgusting GIF by Hot BenchGiphy

"I found bird feathers in a few of my swisher sweet cigars over the course of a few weeks. I haven't smoked since because smoking makes me think of the taste of smoking feathers. Fortunately, I guess."

"I convinced myself that it was gross. Do you have an old soda can of butts on your porch? Think about drinking it. Have you ever smelled someone who just smokes and drinks black coffee? They smell like literal poop. Think about that. It's makes you smell poopy. Gross yourself out."

For love

"Went out one Thursday evening with some friends and friends of friends, back when you could smoke in the pub.

Got chatting to a girl, hit it off and at the end of the night, said our goodbyes and parted with a vague plan to meet up again, maybe next week.

Friday lunchtime, lasagne and a pint with some of the group from the night before (when having a couple of pints at lunchtime was acceptable), I lit up a cigarette after eating and the friend, who had introduced me to the girl the previous night, mentioned 'oh, you know that girl you were talking to last night? She's not a big fan of smoking.'

I thought for a brief moment, stubbed out my Camel, crumpled up the packet that was left, threw my lighter and have not been tempted to light up since. That was 1990 and this May, we will have been married for 32 years."

"Almost the same for me. Met a girl, girl didn't like smokers, I quit smoking. 10 years ago.

Edit: not just did I fall in love with my now wife. She also had a 4 year old girl. To be a dad, changes had to be made. No regrets."

"My girlfriend at the time would not marry or live with a smoker. I quit 21 years ago, and we are about to have our 21 year anniversary. So I guess I did it for love. 😀"

One Day At A Time Smoking GIF by All BetterGiphy

The right book

"I read Allen Carr’s Easy Way to Stop Smoking. I promise I’m not being paid for this.

The comedian Paul F Tompkins smoked for years but quit after reading this book, and would recommend it to anybody who wanted to try. I’m a big fan of his, so I decided it couldn’t hurt. As soon as I started the book, I realized what it was doing. I figured I was way too smart for it and that it would never work, even though I understood the points it was making and the psychology it was using. I continued to smoke as I was reading it, as the book instructs you to do, and was absolutely sure the cute little tricks it was using would never work and that I had just wasted ten bucks.

I finished the book, threw away the unsmoked half of the pack I was on, and haven’t had so much as a craving since. I don’t even vape, I’ve had absolutely no cravings and no nicotine in any way for almost ten years now. I can not explain it but it worked immediately, in a way that nothing had worked up to that point, and wholeheartedly recommend it to anybody who is serious about quitting."

"I read it as well. Been over 15 years and never even think about it."

"Another voice voting for this! I smoked 20 a day and stopped the moment I finished this book. Still remember looking at my last cigarette as I smoked it (It was a Sterling red) and being so excited that after that cig I knew I was a non smoker. Been about 13 years now I think, never been tempted to go back."

"Worked for me too. I had given up a few times before and I always felt like I was depriving myself, even after a year. After reading that (a page or two a day) it's like I just don't see them any more, like I've erased them from my memory. Quit more than 15 years ago."

Hypnosis

"I was pack a day for years and hypnosis worked for me. I would tell anyone to try it! 16 years smoke free now."

"My granddad did it as well with Hypnosis. From a severe chain smoker to never again."

"I tried hypnosis twice. The first time I was not completely committed and expected the hypnosis to do the trick for me.

The second time I was ready to quit and viewed the hypnosis as something to help ME quit.

You have to be ready, committed to quit, and willing to do it yourself NOT expecting the hypnosis to do it for you.

I quit but my wife didn’t quit until 5 years later after me. She is now fighting emphysema."

People shared all kinds of other reasons for finally quitting as well, from their kids asking them to quit to not wanting their clothes to smell to realizing how much other people disliked it. Whether you're trying to quit smoking or trying to change some other habit, you just never know what's going to work, so keep experimenting until you find the thing that pushes you over the line to success.

From Your Site Articles

life lessons

Family

Ivy League expert shares why parents should stop saying 'good job' and do this instead

To build confidence, parents have to take things step further.

via Businesswire and Canva/Photos

A child taking piano lessons and Dr. Becky Kennedy

When you’re a parent, few things feel better than telling your kids, “Good job!” or “Well done” when they complete an art project, get a good grade, or make their bed correctly. So, what could be wrong with a little positive enforcement? According to Dr. Becky Kennedy, “Good job” is a conversation-ender that can prevent kids from getting the full, confidence-building benefits of their accomplishments.

Dr. Becky is a child psychologist, the bestselling author of “Good Inside: A Practical Guide to Resilient Parenting Prioritizing Connection Over Correction,” and the mother of 3 kids. She addressed how to correctly praise kids for their accomplishments on the December 27, 2024 episode of “The Tim Ferriss Show.” “Say ‘Good job,’ It’s not going to do damage to your kid. I think there’s a lot we can unpack there. There’s deeper principles. What do kids really need when they have accomplishments?” she asked, adding that “Good job” is a “conversation-ender.”

How to raise confident kids

Dr. Becky adds that when parents say “Good job” and leave it at that, we are teaching them to “gaze out” for acceptance from others instead of “gazing in” on the process they used to accomplish their task. By conditioning kids to look to others for acceptance, whether it’s their parents, teachers, or future boss or spouse, we create a world where they’re looking for external validation. This leads to anxiety and “makes you very empty and very fragile, very, very anxious,” Dr. Becky said.

Instead, Dr. Becky suggests that parents lean in and ask their child about the process it took to create that piece of art or clean their room. This helps the child develop greater self-confidence and focus more on their process the next time they put their mind to accomplishing something. She says a great place to start is to ask process questions such as: “Oh, how did you come up with that topic? Oh, what made you start it that way? Oh, what was it like writing that?”

The child psychologist says that initially, it may feel uncomfortable to ask probing questions. “Once you get started, it’s easier,” Dr. Becky said. “And yes, it actually focuses on what’s more in a kid’s control. And then, setting up your kids to feel good about themselves, even if they’re not always getting 100, is just such a massive privilege. And it actually makes them work harder because they’re focused on their effort and process instead of just on a result.”

A great way to think about how we praise children is how we would like to be treated by adults. If you worked in sales and had a great month, would you want your boss to simply say, “Good job” or would you like them to dig deeper into how you honed your sales process so that you could improve? It’s a great confidence booster when we can tell people how we’ve gone above and beyond or found new solutions to old problems.

Dr. Becky also uses the example of visiting someone’s house who recently redecorated. “I go, ‘Oh, I love your house. Good job.’ It’s actually a conversation-ender,” Dr. Becky said. “But if instead I said, ‘How did you pick that color wall with that couch?’ You would, ‘Oh, okay, well let me tell you, and let me show you my Pinterest board,’ or whatever it was. And even if I never said a good job, I bet you would feel more lit up inside and almost better than if I had just ended the conversation that way.”

Ultimately, instilling confidence in children is about more than acknowledging the results of their actions. It’s about asking them to explain their process, curiosity, and effort. We can instill resilience and confidence by asking questions and allowing them to express their deeper connection to their work. There’s nothing wrong with praising a good job, but the real confidence building comes with a meaningful conversation about how they made it happen.

From Your Site Articles

child psychology

Family

Mom defends tough-love letter to 13-year-old son after getting shamed online

She wants a son, not a roommate.

Photo from Heidi Johnson Facebook page.

Tough love.

Heidi Johnson's son was 13, deeply in adolescence, and in that stage where he lashes out. He told her he shouldn't have to deal with her rules and should be independent. So she wrote a strict but loving "Mom's not a fool" letter. She wrote on Facebook how her son reacted to the letter:

"He came home, saw the note, crumpled it on the floor, and stormed out of the apartment. I have always encouraged him to take a walk when he is upset so that he can collect his thoughts so when we try to talk, we are able to talk, and not just yell at each other. I do the same thing — sometimes, I just need to walk away and collect myself. I am not above admitting that. He was still livid when he got home. He decided to stage a 'sit in' in my room, where he did laugh at me and repeat, 'Really? What are you going to do?

Love, Mom.

Photo from Heidi Johnson Facebook page.

You can't take my stuff,' etc. He was asked to leave my room, and when he could be respectful, and I was more calm, we would discuss it further. He went to his room, and after about an hour, he had removed some electronics and items I missed that he felt he should have to earn back for his behavior. He apologized, and asked what could he do to make things better and start earning items back. He earned his comforter and some clothes right back. I did leave him some clothes to begin with, just not the ones he would want to wear every day. He also had some pillows and sheets, just not his favorite ones.”

She decided to post it on Facebook, the way one does to friends for a laugh and connection. She neglected to make it "private," and soon comments and shares proliferated, including admonishments from strangers who thought she was a bad parent.Now she had to deal with a bigger teenager: the internet and its commentariat. But Johnson remained level-headed and wrote another Facebook post, clarifying.

"It's out there; and I am not ashamed of what I wrote... I am not going to put my 13-year-old on the street if he can't pay his half of the rent. I am not wanting him to pay anything. I want him to take pride in his home, his space, and appreciate the gifts and blessings we have.” She explains that he is more grateful because of it, and also that he has slowly earned back things and dealt with sacrificing others. Then she lists her very organized and succinct rules of the house:

1 – Do your best in school! I don't expect a perfect 100%, but I do expect that you do your best and ask for help when you don't understand something.

2 – Homework and jobs need to be done before you can have screen time.

3 – Jobs are emptying the trash, unloading the dishwasher, throwing away trash you make in the kitchen, rinsing dirty dishes, making your bed daily, pick up bedroom nightly, and cleaning your bathroom once a week.

4 – You must complete two chores a day. Each day of the week with the exception of Sunday has a room that we work on cleaning. He has to pick two chores for that room. For example, if it is the living room he can choose two of the following options: dust, vacuum, polish furniture, clean windows, mop the floor.

5 – Be respectful and kind with your words — no back talking, no cussing at me.

6 – Keep good hygiene.

7 – Make eye contact when being spoken to, and be an active listener.

8 – Use proper manners.

"You know what.. this hasn't hurt our relationship. He and I still talk as openly as ever. He has apologized multiple times... And… he is trying harder." Her son is earning things back little by little, and appreciating it more than he did before.

"This came down to a 13-year-old telling his mother she had no right to enforce certain rules, and had no place to 'control' him. I made the point to show what life would look like if I was not his 'parent,' but rather a 'roommate.' It was a lesson about gratitude and respect from the very beginning. Sometimes, you have to lose it all to realize how well you really had it."

This article originally appeared four years ago.

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parenting

Joy

19 brutally honest pieces of advice that 'everyone should know'

"When someone shows you who they are believe them."

via Canva/Photos

A woman coming to grips with a harsh truth about life.

Life is filled with lessons; unfortunately, there are some we must learn the hard way, whether it’s how the real world works when you start your career or the first time someone breaks your heart. These lessons are essential to learn so that you don’t have to go through the same pain again, but don’t you wish you learned them the easy way — by hearing the harsh truth from others — rather than going through the pain yourself?

Wouldn’t it be great if you could download all of these harsh truths into your brain to learn them the easy way? Some folks online got together and did just that. And, for those who pay attention, it can save them a lot of grief in the future. Many touched upon the thornier issues in life, love, family, friendships, the transitory nature of relationships, and how you can do everything right and still lose.

We chose the top 19 “brutally honest” pieces of advice that were the most important so you don’t have to learn them the tough way.

1. Take care of yourself

"If you have poor hygiene, you will be treated poorly."

"People can and will judge by appearances, so don’t make it any easier for them to do so."

2. Don't ever expect the world to be fair.

"But work to make the parts of the world you influence as fair as possible."

"The concept of fairness is a human invention, which implies that fairness only exists in reality when humans put it there. That's the only way it exists. Do your part."

3. Your job doesn't care about you

"Your company doesn’t give a sh*t about you. If you die, your job will be posted within the week to replace you. You might get a bouquet of flowers on the break room table, but once those die, so will your presence at the job."

"A coworker of mine passed away from cancer a few years back. I think about her sometimes, though we never worked closely, but they sent out an email, and that was that."

4. No one has to forgive you

"Just because you apologize to someone doesn't mean they have to forgive and forget what you did to them."

"The reverse is also true, you don't have to forgive someone just because they apologized to you."

Even though we are conditioned to say "it's okay" when someone apologizes to us, we don't have to condone their actions. Karina Schumann, a psychology professor who studies conflict resolution, apologies, and forgiveness at the University of Pittsburgh, says we only owe them a genuine response. “It’s important to be genuine without being hostile,” says Schumann. “Research shows that using a ‘constructive voice’ — where you voice your concerns in a positive, calm way — is the most effective way to invite behavioral changes and better relationships. Sweeping things under the rug and pretending to forgive when you’re not ready is not going to fix the problem.”

5. 'Brutal opinions aren't always true

"People who describe themselves as brutally honest are usually more interested in the brutality than the honesty."

6. Not all friends are forever

"Friends come and go and some were never really friends."

"And some that ran their course years later start again and it’s like a totally new relationship since you’re in a completely different phase of your life!"

"Can I add that just because you may have had good times with people, that does not make them good friends."

7. Some people shouldn't have kids

"People who are dumb, trashy, or otherwise not great will lack the critical thinking skills to realize they won’t be great parents, or maybe that they won’t have the money to raise a child well. People who are smarter, or have better jobs and lives, will be more likely to not have kids so they can preserve their good life, or will maybe think “maybe I won’t be a good parent” and will not have kids, these people are infinitely better equipped to have kids. This means that a majority of people having kids will not raise them well, a majority of kids will be raised poorly, and a majority of kids will display the same poor personality traits as their parents."

8. No one else’s life revolves around you

"Yep, we all suffer from Main Character Syndrome, but we’re all just extras in someone else’s world."

9. When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time

"I kind of guess it means. Don’t let yourself be fooled and do not gaslight yourself. Don’t excuse bad behavior; say sorry that’s not acceptable, and I’m no longer going to tolerate it. Bye bye, Felicia."

This quote is believed to have been first written by writer Maya Angelou, and Orpah Winfrey would later expand on it to share how it applies to our daily lives. "Remember this because it will happen many times in your life," Winfrey said. "When people show you who they are the first time believe them. Not the 29th. time. When a man doesn't call you back the first time, when you are mistreated the first time, when someone shows you a lack of integrity or dishonesty the first time, know that this will be followed many, many other times, and that will some point in life come back to haunt or hurt you. Live your life in truth. Don't pretend to be someone you're not. You will survive anything if you live your life from the point of view of truth.”

10. Sometimes you lose

"'It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life.' Jean-Luc Picard."

"Another from sports: The best team doesn't always win; the team that plays the best does."

11. Some bridges are worth burning

"Don't hang on to toxic people, INCLUDING FAMILY. Don't fall for the 'But they are your family...'"

12. If it’s not yes, it’s a no

"Particularly helpful dating advice."

"If they like you, you’ll know it. If they don’t, you’ll feel confused."

"Also add, stop saying no when you mean yes. People can’t read minds."

13. Learn to deal with yourself

"The person who you spend the most time with is yourself. Literally, 24/7 til you die. Learn to deal/exist with that person."

"If you can’t like yourself, why would anyone else? Instead of complaining that no one likes you, work on making yourself into someone likable."

14. Use protection

"Wear a condom. Especially if she tells you you don’t have to and you don’t know her very well."

"In general, when anyone tells you that you don't need something that is for your protection/safety/peace-of-mind, YOU NEED IT."

15. Simple isn't always right

"We live in a complex world, and you should be wary of simplistic explanations."

16. Don't be afraid to fail

"Doing nothing is often worse then doing something wrong. Go make mistakes. Live your life and collect memories and wisdom. If you are in the box. Be there cause you chose to, not because someone told you to be there."

17. Maybe you just don't want it

"If you keep making excuses as to why you aren’t meeting some goal, maybe you just don’t actually want to achieve said goal. And if you just accept this, then you can spend your time focusing on a goal you actually want to achieve."

"You make time for the things you care about and excuses for the things you don't."

18. Be wary of critics

"Only accept criticism from someone you’d take advice from."

"And only take advice from someone successful in the topic at hand."

19. Be pleasant

"Once you reach adulthood, being an a**hole is going to close a lot of doors for you: at school, at work, with friends, and with family. Some of those doors don’t open again. Adults don’t go out of their way to help unpleasant people."

"Similarly, way too many people focus entirely on 'I don't owe anyone anything' and don't focus enough on common courtesy and basic respect. If you refuse to ever help someone else unless you're strictly obligated to, don't be surprised when nobody opts to help you when you need it."

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advice

Joy

15 hard truths that once people accepted them, their lives got so much better

"Not all friendships last."

via Liza Summer/Pexels

A woman learns a harsh truth about her friends.

A significant part of adulthood is realizing that many uncomfortable truths are indeed real, even if we wish they weren’t. At first, these harsh truths may dampen our spirits and make us feel that the world is a bit colder. However, understanding some of life's hard lessons opens us up to greater possibilities and can help us overcome the obstacles holding us back.

Harsh truths help us realize when relationships aren’t as great as they can be. They also prevent us from having too much faith in people and institutions that will ultimately disappoint us. Knowing dark truths can also help us appreciate the things that are truly beautiful, honest and good. A Redditor named Rare_Can_5418 asked the AskReddit forum, “What difficult truths, the sooner you accept them, the better your life will be?” and received over 6,500 responses. Many of them were centered around harsh truths about relationships and the fact that even if we do our best in life, we can still end up with the short end of the stick.

The key is to keep going and never let failure get you down.

Here are 15 of the “difficult truths” that made people’s lives a lot better.

1. Stop comparing yourself

"There will always be someone better looking, better educated, younger, more experienced, more intelligent or wealthier than you. Do your best, live without regret, have empathy and kindness, give when you can, expecting nothing in return. Focus on your heart value more than what others have."

"Comparison is the thief of joy."

2. Some people won't like you

"You can be sweetest, juiciest peach on the tree. But some people don't like peaches."

"In Spanish, there's a saying: 'Nadie es moneda de oro para que lo quiera todo el mundo,' which translates to something like nobody is a gold coin to be liked/wanted by everyone else."

3. Things are just things

"They don’t have feelings. They don’t care if you give them away or sell them or throw them out. If a thing is useful, keep it. If not, get rid of it."

Psychologists refer to perceiving that inanimate objects have feelings as anthropomorphizing. Psych Central says that humans project feelings onto objects to relate to them more deeply. "People generally anthropomorphize to make sense of events and behaviors they experience. Further, attributing emotions, attitudes, mental states, faces, and values to non-human things can help you feel connected to something," Sarah Barkley writes in a PhD-reviewed article.

4. Not all friendships last

"Surprisingly though, the ones that last are not necessarily the best (or even good) ones."

"Most friendships are based on convenience, I've found. Unless two people are willing to put in a lot of effort, time and distance will do more to end a friendship than any disagreement."

5. You may be the bad guy

"You can do your best with someone and still be the villain in their story."

"One of my current favourite memes is: I don't care if I'm the villain in your story, you're the clown in mine."

6. You can't change people

"You can only help people who actually want it. If they’re not ready to change or put in the effort, there’s not much you can do. Realizing this can save you a lot of frustration and help you focus on people who actually appreciate your help."

"It’s always tough having those friends who are constantly complaining but doing nothing to address what they are complaining about. But as an adult, you just have to sit there and listen. No point in offering help to someone who isn’t asking for it. Kinda like how it’s really tough to teach someone who isn’t interested in being taught."

7. How we judge

"We judge ourselves by our intentions. We judge others by their actions."

"In psychology, this is called fundamental attribution error."

The Fundamental Attribution Error is a psychological phenomenon where we assume someone's actions reflect their personality without considering the situation. It's like when we blame someone's driving skills for being in an accident instead of the curvy road.

8. Depending on people

"Once you're an adult, there really isn't anyone you can 100% depend on except yourself. There will still be people in your life to lean on, but everyone has their limits in how they can help you."

9. Nice doesn't equal good

"Nice people aren't always good people."

"One of my bosses doesn't greet/make small talk and is known for being quite firm. He's been the most helpful throughout my most difficult period dealing with tragedy. Some people with that personality type simply get things done when you need them done without the chattering."

10. Everything is temporary

"You can suddenly lose anything and anyone at any time...and maybe all at once or in quick succession without so much warning."

11. Nobody is thinking about you

"In general, people in the real world are oblivious to you. You're not even a blip on their radar. If you're insecure about something you wear or how you look, remember: nobody cares."

12. No one is coming to save you

"No one is coming to save you, so you have to do it all yourself."

"And once you internalize this and do it, your self-esteem will be through the roof."

13. Nobody knows what they're doing

"Before i graduated high school I thought, thank god, I finally won’t have to deal with annoying obnoxious kids and I’ll be treated like an adult, I come to find out 95% of adults are worse then the actual kids, nobody knows what they’re actually doing and life is actually a big joke."

14. Love is reciprocal

"If a romantic interest is not giving you the same attention/respect you give them, they don't really care about or want you, and you're in for a world of hurt if you keep telling yourself otherwise."

15. Who's good for you?

"People who are good for you will make you feel happy, joyful, accepted, cared for, and filled with fun times, despite any differences. People who are not good for you will make you feel anxious, sad, down, slighted, judged, and never check in on you if you're not okay, and won't even bother noticing when you're not okay. Genuine people will never let you suffer in silence or watch you suffer. Stay away from those who make you feel negative emotions and thoughts."

This article originally appeared in August.

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Pop Culture

A woman got asked out by the guy who bullied her as a kid, so she stood him up with this awesome note.

She waited 10 years to enact the perfect revenge.

via Louisa Manning/Facebook

The note she wrote to the guy who bullied her as a kid.

As a kid, Louisa Manning was bullied about her weight and body hair by students in her class. Her classmates thought it was clever to call her "manbeast," a play on her last name.

Those words made an impression on 12-year-old Louisa, who developed an eating disorder and struggled to maintain her self-confidence over the next few years.

Now 22 and a student at Oxford University in England, Louisa was surprised when she ran into one of the boys who bullied her at school and he asked her on a date.

life lessons, attractiveness, stood up date

Louisa dressed to impress.

via Louisa Manning/Facebook.

She was also kind of "pissed off." Louisa told BuzzFeed News, "It really made me angry that now I'm attractive, he instantly wants to jump into bed with me." Louisa remembered this boy as being one of the worst offenders back when they were kids.

She thought about turning him down, but then she realized it would be a lot more fun to teach him a lesson. They made plans to meet for dinner, but when the dude showed up at the restaurant, he got this note instead.

dating, monobrow, body hair, facial hair

The picture and the letter.

via Louisa Manning/Facebook

The message on the photo (of herself at aged 12) said:

Hey [name obscured],

So sorry I can't join you tonight.

Remember year 8, when I was fat and you made fun of my weight? No? I do – I spent the following three years eating less than an apple a day. So I decided to skip dinner.

Remember the monobrow you mocked? The hairy legs you were disgusted by? Remember how every day for three years, you and your friends called me Manbeast? No perhaps you don't – or you wouldn't have seen how I look eight years later and deemed me fuckable enough to treat me like a human being.

I thought I'd send you this as a reminder. Next time you think of me, picture that girl in this photo, because she's the one who just stood you up.

Louisa.

Louisa has been too nice to release the guy's name to her many online supporters, who might take out their aggression on him. She writes on Facebook that she doesn't condone violence, just "holding ten year long grudges and then getting sweet, perfectly timed revenge."

Her revenge had one very sweet result:

The apology ten years later.

via Louisa Manning/Facebook

This article originally appeared on 12.5.14

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Family

Mantras to help get you through life, created by 6-year-olds

When students become the teachers.

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Kids share their wisdom and we can all relate.

Kids might say the darnedest things, but occasionally they also give sage advice.

A teacher in the United Kingdom by the name of George Pointon has made a name for himself by tweeting his 6-year-old students’ comical, candid and sometimes profound answers to weekly questions.

Or, as he humorously writes in his Twitter bio, “exploiting children’s imagination for likes.”

One of my favorite threads so far is when Pointon asked his students to create a “mantra to help us through life.” The teacher posted each student's response, along with some commentary.

It’s all some noteworthy food for thought, if not harmless, wholesome entertainment.

Best of all, the genuine affection Pointon has for his students is undeniable.

Rory: "Don't stop running"

Pointon: “The other day I grunted when picking up my keys from the table. If I didn't stop running, I'd die. Rory has gone for the Forrest Gump approach here. It seemed to work for him. Forrest that is. I've seen Rory run into multiple trees. Persistent tho.”

Rory might be running into trees, but some spot-on perspectives on life as well.

Run Running GIFGiphy

Friends Hug GIF by MOODMANGiphy

JJ: "Only be friends with people who you want to be friends with"

Pointon: “This gets forgotten about in adults. Sometimes we are friends with people out of convenience or history. Look around and ask yourself, "does this person positively impact my life?". JJ has his head screwed on.”

JJ understands the value of authentic friendship. And, as Pointon reflected, setting boundaries and letting go is something so many adults struggle with, though there are countless sources noting its importance.

Mike D Reaction GIF by Beastie BoysGiphy

Jack: "You might [get] told off but sometimes you're not doing anything wrong"

Pointon: “His anti-authority attitude is refreshing as it is scary. He's right tho. Fight for what you believe in and it's never wrong. Although Jack believes he can back flip over a lorry, so I don't know.”

What’s a lorry, you may ask? Turns out it’s a British term for an 18-wheeler. I didn’t know either.

Best Friends Hug GIFGiphy

Ravi: "Some people don't have anything so be happy you have everything"

Pointon: “We truly are in the presence of greatness. There are world leaders without this clarity. Step back and look at what we take for granted, you'll be amazed. Ravi elevates people around him. He's a special lad.”

I believe this was a major theme that “Don’t Look Up” was trying to convey. Well done, Ravi.

cat water GIFGiphy

Lola: "You can't swim in a sink but a bath is just a big sink"

Pointon: “I believe she's talking about perspective. One person's baby step is another's giant leap. Lola moves at her pace and is proud of the people around her moving at theirs. Otherwise you'll lose a one horse race.”

I’m gonna assume Lola is also a proponent of the “just keep swimming” mentality.

so much to say julia michaels GIF by Noah KahanGiphy

Emma: "The people who don't talk, still have something to say"

Pointon: “Empty vessels makes the most noise. Emma is quiet and has grown in confidence since I've known her. She is an advocate for letting people be themselves. A true woman of her time. She'll make an excellent leader.”

Hear, hear for quiet confidence, Emma.

Pbs Nature Flowers GIF by Nature on PBSGiphy

Belle: "Flowers live in the ground, we live in a house. Everyone lives somewhere."

Pointon: “It's a huge, overwhelming concept to think every individual lives an equally complex and rich life as you. Knowing that everyone is coming from something make[s] you see we're all the same. One team.”

A lesson in empathy, taught by Belle.

song children GIF by Lily's Lovely SongsGiphy

Mikey: "Mud hills are fun but also muddy"

Pointon: “I'd never heard of the term "mud hill" but I assumed it's a hill, that is muddy. I was wrong. It’s basically a pile of mud mashed up and used to throw at cars or people...So if you see a boy holding a mud ball with a devilish grin, run.”

No such thing as good, clean fun, according to Mikey.

Cat Food Wow GIF by Morris the 9Lives CatGiphy

Zahra: "Some things are cool and some things aren't"

Pointon: “There is no messing about with Zahra. A woman of precision. She wanted to add that if you find things cool, then it is. Which in itself is a pretty cool thing to say. If you enjoy something, don't let other[s] bring you down.”

Zahra is clearly the Queen of Cool.

Think Only You GIF by US National ArchivesGiphy

Susanna: "Don't start a fire in a forrest"

Pointon: “I take this as, understanding your situation and objectively being able to know what is benefitting you and what isn't. But Susanna confirmed that there is no subtext. Just don't start fires in forrests because it goes whoosh, okay.”

I also love how Pointon was loyal to Susanna’s spelling of the word “forrest.” That dedication right there.

According to indy100, Pointon protects the identity of his young pupils by using made-up aliases. But reassured, the answers provided are all too real.

Pointon told indy100, “School can sometimes make you think quite linear, like there are only right or wrong answers but, especially with them being so young, their thoughts are actually really abstract.”

Passion, purpose, and a dash of social media stardom have allowed Pointon to help raise awareness around children’s issues. Last November he worked with the Anti-Bullying Alliance, asking the question “what makes you unique?”

For Zahra, it was her two different eye colors. For Susanna, it was the fact that she could fit 100 grapes in her mouth (Pointon isn’t so sure, but encouraging nonetheless).

Pointon hopes to work with even more charities, using his platform to “have conversations with children about things that need to be spoken about, or things that are going on in the world and get their point of view on things.”

In the meantime, you can catch all of Pointon’s thoughtful questions, along with his students’ endearing and brilliant answers, on Twitter.

This article originally appeared on 01.28.22

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