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Mom defends tough-love letter to 13-year-old son after getting shamed online

She wants a son, not a roommate.

Photo from Heidi Johnson Facebook page.

Tough love.

Heidi Johnson's son was 13, deeply in adolescence, and in that stage where he lashes out.

He told her he shouldn't have to deal with her rules and should be independent.

So she wrote a strict but loving "Mom's not a fool" letter.

roommates, motherhood, life lessons

Love, Mom.

Photo from Heidi Johnson Facebook page.

She wrote on Facebook how her son reacted to the letter:

"He came home, saw the note, crumpled it on the floor, and stormed out of the apartment. I have always encouraged him to take a walk when he is upset so that he can collect his thoughts so when we try to talk, we are able to talk, and not just yell at each other. I do the same thing — sometimes, I just need to walk away and collect myself. I am not above admitting that. He was still livid when he got home. He decided to stage a 'sit in' in my room, where he did laugh at me and repeat, 'Really? What are you going to do? You can't take my stuff,' etc. He was asked to leave my room, and when he could be respectful, and I was more calm, we would discuss it further. He went to his room, and after about an hour, he had removed some electronics and items I missed that he felt he should have to earn back for his behavior. He apologized, and asked what could he do to make things better and start earning items back. He earned his comforter and some clothes right back. I did leave him some clothes to begin with, just not the ones he would want to wear every day. He also had some pillows and sheets, just not his favorite ones.”

She decided to post it on Facebook, the way one does to friends for a laugh and connection. She neglected to make it "private," and soon comments and shares proliferated, including admonishments from strangers who thought she was a bad parent.Now she had to deal with a bigger teenager: the internet and its commentariat. But Johnson remained level-headed and wrote another Facebook post, clarifying.

"It's out there; and I am not ashamed of what I wrote... I am not going to put my 13-year-old on the street if he can't pay his half of the rent. I am not wanting him to pay anything. I want him to take pride in his home, his space, and appreciate the gifts and blessings we have.” She explains that he is more grateful because of it, and also that he has slowly earned back things and dealt with sacrificing others. Then she lists her very organized and succinct rules of the house:

1 – Do your best in school! I don't expect a perfect 100%, but I do expect that you do your best and ask for help when you don't understand something.

2 – Homework and jobs need to be done before you can have screen time.

3 – Jobs are emptying the trash, unloading the dishwasher, throwing away trash you make in the kitchen, rinsing dirty dishes, making your bed daily, pick up bedroom nightly, and cleaning your bathroom once a week.

4 – You must complete two chores a day. Each day of the week with the exception of Sunday has a room that we work on cleaning. He has to pick two chores for that room. For example, if it is the living room he can choose two of the following options: dust, vacuum, polish furniture, clean windows, mop the floor.

5 – Be respectful and kind with your words — no back talking, no cussing at me.

6 – Keep good hygiene.

7 – Make eye contact when being spoken to, and be an active listener.

8 – Use proper manners.

"You know what.. this hasn't hurt our relationship. He and I still talk as openly as ever. He has apologized multiple times... And… he is trying harder." Her son is earning things back little by little, and appreciating it more than he did before.

"This came down to a 13-year-old telling his mother she had no right to enforce certain rules, and had no place to 'control' him. I made the point to show what life would look like if I was not his 'parent,' but rather a 'roommate.' It was a lesson about gratitude and respect from the very beginning. Sometimes, you have to lose it all to realize how well you really had it."


This article originally appeared on 8.16.21

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'Nerdy pommel horse guy' success story holds a key life lesson to share with our kids

"Sometimes, the world needs a Simone Biles to blow us away with raw talent, and sometimes, we need someone like Stephen Nedoroscik…"

Photo credit: USA Gymnastics/John Cheng

Stephen Nedoroscik clinched the bronze medal for Team USA at the Paris 2024 Olympics.

Once in a while, an unlikely American hero emerges from an Olympic games, and that hero at the 2024 Paris Olympics might just be Team USA's glasses-wearing pommel horse specialist, Stephen Nedoroscik.

The 25-year-old gymnast from Worcester, Massachusetts, helped break Team USA's 16-year Olympic medal drought, clinching the bronze and launching him to viral fame with his epic team final performance.

It's not just that he delivered when it counted most; it's the unexpectedness of his story. Nedoroscik showed up to the Olympics looking less like an elite gymnast and more like a guy getting a PhD in astrophysics. He had one job, and he cheered for his teammates while waiting for his big moment. And then, in true hero fashion, he took of his thick, wide-rimmed glasses and performed superhuman feats on the pommel horse.

But that's not all. As writer Whitney Fleming pointed out, there's an important life lesson buried in Nedoroscik's story that shouldn't get lost in the celebration.

"Sometimes, the world needs a Simone Biles to blow us away with raw talent, and sometimes, we need someone like Stephen Nedoroscik to remind us that a nerdy (his words), bespectacled engineer who can solve a Rubik's Cube in under 10 seconds can be a hero," Fleming wrote on Facebook before sharing why she loves his story.

"When he didn't progress in gymnastics like he wanted to, he threw himself into the one event he excelled at: the pommel horse. He's won all sorts of competitions as an event specialist, and literally was put on the team because he scores so big on this one apparatus.

During today's team finals, he spent the day bringing his teammates water, giving high fives, and cheering on every performance with incredible enthusiasm. And then it was his turn.

Nedoroscik was the last athlete to compete on the team's last rotation. He needed to hit his routine for the Americans to end a 16-year medal drought. No pressure.

It was a build-up right out of an iconic sports movie (Do you believe in miracles?)

While the pressure kept building in the gym, he meditated. A slight smile crept onto his face when he heard the cheers for his teammate's score. And then, like Clark Kent turning into Superman, he took off his jacket, removed his glasses, and puffed out his chest--and HE KILLED IT!"


Fleming shared the lesson we can all take from Nedoroscik's unusual success story:

"Nedoroscik took an untraditional path to get to the pinnacle of his sport and it paid off with an Olympic Bronze medal.

There is no one way to success, there is no one way to do this life, and there is no one way to find your purpose.

Be unapologetically and unabashedly you in every way possible, and you might end up the hero of your story as well."

That's such an important lesson to share with our kids, who may look at big name athletes and start believing there are limited ways to find success. The reality is every story is unique, every person has their own way of doing things, and there's no "right" path to achieve your goals, whatever they may be.

Thank you, Stephen Nedoroscik, for being a delightful example and the hero we didn't know we needed.

You can follow Whitney Fleming on Facebook and Instagram, and find her upcoming book, "You're Not a Failure: My Teen Doesn't Like Me Either," here.

(And in case you missed Stephen Nedoroscik's team final pommel horse routine, here you go.)

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Roger Federer shared 3 life lessons he learned from tennis in Dartmouth graduation speech

"'Effortless' is a myth."

Photo Credit: Times Of India/Wikimedia Commons

Roger Federer "graduated" from tennis in 2022.

Roger Federer will go down in history as one of the greatest tennis players of all time, but his popularity extends far beyond the tennis court. With a reputation as a kind and classy sportsman, a generous philanthropist and and all around "good guy," Federer has gained fans of all ages, even outside of his sport, making him an ideal commencement speaker for one of America's top universities.

Dartmouth' College's class of 2024 got to listen to the tennis great share the three biggest lessons he learned from the sport at their commencement ceremony, and people have been sharing snippets from it on social media.

Federer told the graduates that he left school at 16 to play tennis and "graduated" from tennis in 2022. He said he wanted to share with the students three "tennis lessons" he learned during his career that has helped him transition to life after it, in the hopes that they might help them transition to life out in the world as well.

Lesson 1: Nothing is 'effortless'

"'Effortless' is a myth," he began. "I mean it. I say that as someone who has heard that word a lot. The truth is, I had to work very hard to make it look easy. I spent years whining, swearing (sorry), throwing my racket before I learned to keep my cool."

He shared a story of how an opponent early in his career helped him understand that anyone can excel in the early part of the game, but it takes significant, sustained effort to reach a level where you can play well throughout an entire tournament.

"I didn’t get where I got on pure talent alone," he said. "I got there by trying to outwork my opponents. I believed in myself. But belief in yourself has to be earned…From this day forward, some people are going to assume that because you graduated from Dartmouth, it all comes easy for you. And you know what? Let them believe that, as long as you don’t."

Lesson 2: "It's only a point."

"Let me explain. You can work harder than you thought possible and still lose," he said. "I have."

Federer explained that he always tried not to lose, of course, but sometimes he did. Everyone does, even those at the very top.

He told a story about how he had started to doubt himself after an opponent scored a point against him early in a match, and he had to learn not to let a single lost point get under his skin. Then he used statistics to illustrate his point.

"In the 1,526 singles matches I played in my career, I won almost 80% of those matches," he said. "Now, I have a question for all of you. What percentage of the points do you think I won in those matches? Only 54%. In other words, even top-ranked tennis players win barely more than half of the points they play. When you lose every second point, on average, you learn not to dwell on every shot."

"Here’s why I am telling you this," he continued. "When you’re playing a point, it has to be the most important thing in the world, and it is. But when it’s behind you, it’s behind you. This mindset is really crucial, because it frees you to fully commit to the next point and the next point after that with intensity, clarity and focus."

He shared that whatever games the students play in life, sometimes they're going to lose, and to him, the sign of a champion is learning to master hard moments.

"The best in the world are not the best because they win every point," he said. "It’s because they know they’ll lose, again and again, and have learned how to deal with it."

Lesson 3: Life is bigger than the court.

"Even when I was just starting out, I knew that tennis could show me the world... but tennis could never be the world," he said. "I knew that if I was lucky, maybe I could play competitively until my late 30s—maybe even 41! But even when I was in the top five, it was important to me to have a life, a rewarding life full of travel, culture, friendships, and especially family. I never abandoned my roots, and I never forgot where I came from, but I also never lost my appetite to see this very big world."

Federer shared what it has been like for him to serve the children of South Africa, his mother's homeland, through his foundation that focuses on the education of children across Southern Africa.

"It’s been an honor... and it’s been humbling," he said. "An honor to help tackle this challenge, and humbling to see how complex it is."

He shared that he was only 22 when he started his philanthropy work.

"I was not ready for anything other than tennis. But sometimes you’ve got to take a chance and then figure it out," he said. "Philanthropy can mean a lot of things. It can mean starting a nonprofit, or donating money. But it can also mean contributing your ideas, your time and your energy to a mission that is larger than yourself. All of you have so much to give, and I hope you will find your own, unique ways to make a difference, because life really is much bigger than the court."

Wise words from a wise man. You can find the full transcript of Federer's speech here.

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New Yorkers share their biggest regrets on a blackboard

They were alarmingly similar.

Image from YouTube video.

What is your biggest regret?

"Make the most of your regrets; never smother your sorrow, but tend and cherish it till it comes to have a separate and integral interest. To regret deeply is to live afresh."

—Henry David Thoreau

No one escapes this world without a regret or two.

Time and time again, when we hear the final regrets of the dying, they're not about wishing they'd made money or worked more hours.

They're almost always about wishing they had the self-confidence to pursue their dreams or the time to stay in touch with loved ones.

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Here are some thoughts on the subject.

Image from YouTube video.

Recently, A Plus in partnership with Strayer University's Ideal Year Initiative, put up a chalkboard on a New York City street and asked passersby to write down their biggest regrets. The people who wrote on the blackboard were from different walks of life, but their regrets were alarmingly similar.

Watch the full video below:

This article first appeared on 9.16.17

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