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Wil Wheaton's locker room story shows exactly why homophobic jokes are a problem

One of the great rules of comedy is punch up, not down.

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Wil Wheaton | Wil Wheaton speaking at the 2018 Phoenix Comic… | Flickr

Comedy can be uplifting. And it can also be downright destructive. The rise of cancel culture has made us take a hard look at what we normalize for the sake of a good joke. And with Dave Chappelle’s controversial comedy special, that includes jokes which can be perceived as cruel or homophobic jabs by the LGBTQ community and allies.

At the same time, comedy is supposed to be disruptive, is it not? It’s meant to be audacious, bawdy, outrageous. And let’s not forget it’s often said sarcastically, meaning we don’t really believe what what's being said … right?

Wil Wheaton has previously given a brilliant take on how to separate the art from the artist. This time though, he’s confronting the art itself and what makes it problematic.

“For anyone who genuinely doesn't understand why I feel as strongly as I do about people like Chappelle making transphobic comments that are passed off as jokes, I want to share a story that I hope will help you understand, and contextualize my reaction to his behavior."

Wheaton started off his story by sharing how he used to play ice hockey when he was 16, and one night enjoyed a warm welcome as a guest goalie. After a fun practice, Wheaton joined his teammates in the locker room.

“Before I tell you what happened next, I want to talk specifically about comedy and how much I loved it when I was growing up… One of the definitive comedy specials for me and my friends was Eddie Murphy's Delirious, from 1983. It had bits that still kill me… Really funny stuff.

There is also extensive homophobic material that is just…appalling and inexcusable. Long stretches are devoted to mocking gay people, using the slur that starts with F over and over and over. Young Wil, who watched this with his suburban white upper middle class friends, in his privileged bubble, thought it was the funniest, edgiest, dirtiest thing he'd ever heard… And all of it was dehumanizing to gay men… I didn't know any better. I accepted the framing, I developed a view of gay men as predatory, somehow less than straight men, absolutely worthy of mockery and contempt. Always good for a joke…

Wil Wheaton | Wil Wheaton at the Phoenix Comicon, on the Eur… | Flickrwww.flickr.com

…A comedian who I thought was one of the funniest people on the planet totally normalized making a mockery of gay people, and because I was a privileged white kid, raised by privileged white parents, there was nobody around me to challenge that perception. For much of my teen years, I was embarrassingly homophobic, and it all started with that comedy special.”

Here Wheaton pivots back to the locker room:

“So I'm talking with these guys…We're doing that sports thing where you talk about the great plays, and feel like you're part of something special.

And then, without even realizing what I was doing, that awful word came out of my mouth. ‘Blah blah blah F****t,’ I said.

The room fell silent and that's when I realized every single guy in this room was gay. They were from a team called The Blades (amazing) and I had just ... really fucked up.

"'Do you have any gay friends?" One of them asked me, gently.

"Yes," I said, defensively. Then, I lied, "they say that all the time." I was so embarrassed and horrified. I realized I had basically said the N word, in context, and I didn't know what to do. I wanted to disappear. I wanted to apologize, I wanted to beg forgiveness. But I was a stupid sixteen year-old with pride and ignorance and fear all over myself, so I lied to try and get out of it.

"They must not love themselves very much," he said, with quiet disappointment.

Nobody said another word to me. I felt terrible. I shoved my gear into my bag and left as quickly as I could.”

“That happened over 30 years ago, and I think about it all the time. I'm mortified and embarrassed and so regretful that I said such a hurtful thing. I said it out of ignorance, but I still said it, and I said it because I believed these men, who were so cool and kind and just like all the other men I played with (I was always the youngest player on the ice) were somehow less than ... I guess everyone. Because that had been normalized for me by culture and comedy.

A *huge* part of that normalization was through entertainment that dehumanized gay men in the service of "jokes". And as someone who thought jokes were great, I accepted it. I mean, nobody was making fun of *ME* that way…so…

This stuff that Chappelle did? …For a transgender person, those "jokes" normalize hateful, ignorant, bigoted behavior towards them. Those "jokes" contribute to a world where transgender people are constantly under threat of violence, because transgender people have been safely, acceptably, dehumanized. And it's all okay, because they were dehumanized by a Black man……Literally every queer person I know (and I know a LOT) is hurt by Chappelle's actions. When literally every queer person I know says "this is hurtful to me", I'm going to listen to them and support them, and not tell them why they are wrong…”

Wil Wheaton brings up some powerful points. While this is a complex issue, the insidious nature of dehumanizing jokes is pretty blatant. At some point we have to ask ourselves: Is it really worth harming someone else for the sake of a joke? When put that bluntly, the answer, I hope, is a resounding no.


This article originally appeared four years ago.

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Over 800 LGBTQ troops kicked out under ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ get upgraded to honorable discharges

The Pentagon is trying to right the wrongs of the discriminatory policy.

via Ted Eytan/Flickr

Protestors with a Pride flag outside of the White House.

The Pentagon announced on Tuesday, October 15, that it has restored the honor of more than 800 LGBTQ veterans discharged from the military under the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy. "Under President Biden's leadership, the Department of Defense has taken extraordinary steps to redress the harms done by ‘Don't Ask, Don't Tell’ and other policies on these former Service members," Secretary of Defense Lloyd J. Austin announced in a statement.

The Pentagon's discharge status upgrades from dishonorable to honorable are a way to atone for the discriminatory policies it has enacted in the past. However, they also unlock access to veterans benefits for those affected by the policy.

For decades, many who bravely served their country couldn't access military benefits, including health care, college tuition, VA loan programs and some jobs. A defense official said that veterans affected by the upgrade will be sent information on how to get copies of their new, honorable discharge certification.

“We will continue to honor the service and the sacrifice of all our troops—including the brave Americans who raised their hands to serve but were turned away because of whom they love,” Austin said. The restoration of these veterans' honor comes a year after the Pentagon launched a review of military records of LGBTQ people discharged with a less-than-honorable status.



The “Don't Ask, Don’t Tell Policy” came as a compromise between the Bill Clinton Administration and the Pentagon that began as an attempt to end 8 decades of LGBTQ discrimination in the military. Up to that point, over 100,000 LGBTQ veterans had been kicked out of the armed services due to their sexuality.

The Clinton Administration promised to overturn the discriminatory policies until a Military Working Group determined that homosexuality was “inconsistent” with military service. These findings resulted in a compromise: Gay people could serve in the military as long as their sexuality remained a secret.

The "Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell" policy was in place between 1994 and 2011, and during that time, 13,500 military members were forced out of service. The majority were given honorary discharges; however, about 2,000 were separated with less-than-honorary distinctions.

“It’s really hard to truly wrap your head around the fear of living under ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.’ The possibility that if someone found out about you, your entire life in the military could go away – that fear was a constant. That is sometimes lost when we talk about this policy, how it drains on you … you have to act for your personal sanity,” Gina Ortiz Jones, Under Secretary of the Air Force, reflected on the 10th anniversary of its repeal.

“The military is known for its bonds,” Jones continued. “But you can’t have those bonds when you can’t share your life or talk about your family with those you serve alongside. And when you’re in the military, your entire family serves – it’s hard to have seen how that would happen if the policy didn’t change.”

‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ was repealed on September 20, 2011, and service members discharged for their sexuality were allowed to re-enroll. Future recruits who joined the military were now free to do so without fear of facing discrimination for their sexuality.

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Baby Boomers admit these 17 things are better than when they were young

Life has improved drastically in countless ways.

via Canva

A man in his 70s reading a book.

As people age, they long for the “good ol’ days,” when allegedly people worked harder, the world was safer, and everyone was kind and prosperous. However, the notion that somehow life in America was so much better in the past is more of a psychological trick than reality.

The idea that everything was better in the past, whether that means the ‘90s, ‘70s, or ‘50s, is the product of a cognitive bias known by psychologists as rosy retrospection. “It happens because when we think about the past, we are more likely to think about people, events, places, and things in the abstract,” Mark Travers, Ph.D., writes in Psychology Today. “And, when we think about things in the abstract, we are more likely to focus on positive generalities than the nitty-gritty and sometimes gory details.”

One of the biggest misunderstandings people have when comparing today to the past is the idea that crime is much worse now than it was in previous decades. However, crime statistics show that the violent crime rate in the U.S. is about the same in 2024 as it was in the 1960s, and the country is much safer today than it was in the ‘70s through the mid-1990s when crime was at its peak.

A Redditor asked the AskOldPeople subforum for people to share “something most people don’t realize has improved from when you were young,” people born in 1980 or after shared how the world has drastically improved since then. Many respondents were in their 60s and 70s and were part of the Baby Boomer generation. Many responses were about how people are much more tolerant than they used to be and products and services are far superior. Plus, you aren't bombarded by cigarette smoke wherever you go.


Here are 17 things Boomers and Gen Xers say have improved since their youth.

1. Cars are a lot safer

"Reliability of almost every car component. And then the reliability of the entire car improved astronomically. I’m 61."

"Agree. I saw a post where someone was complaining about engine repair on a car with "only 150k miles" on it. Back in the day cars barely made it to 100k. Dad would trade cars at 75k miles."

2. Long-distance calls were expensive

"Long-distance phone calls were so expensive, and now, with wifi, we can video chat around the world for free."

"I remember you didn't even need to call that far away to get hit with long-distance charges. People waited until evening time to call family members the next county over to avoid outrageous fees."

3. Fruit and vegetables

"The availability of fresh fruit and vegetables. I'm 74, and worked in the grocery business starting at age 13. In my youth, there were only a few months of the year when fresh fruits and vegetables were both available and affordable. I can remember working in the store and by October if we could get lettuce at all it came in half spoiled and I'd have to go through a crate of the stuff ripping or cutting off all the spoiled areas to get an end product that was only half or a third of the original head. I can remember marking down fresh green beans by a LOT, because the customer would have to go through pounds of the stuff to get enough for dinner for Then there was corn on the cob, having to strip off the shucks, cutting off the bad parts, then putting the remainder out on deep discount. Come Thanksgiving each year, we'd get a shipment from somewhere, probably California or similar, of actual fresh apples and oranges in prime condition. But they'd be so expensive that only people making more money than most could afford to buy the darn things. They'd go for as much as $1 apiece, which adjusted for inflation would be about $13 now."



4. Sex education

"Information about sex is much more available than it used to be. I'm not talking about porn and internet chatter, but solid information from reputable sources."

"When I was in school in the '50s, the idea that schools would offer sex education was unacceptable to almost every parent, left or right. It wasn't mentioned. Teen pregnancy rates were much higher than they are now."

5. Cancer treatment

"When I was little, nobody said the 'c' word, because it was a death sentence. When I was a young mother, getting it a second time meant you lost the battle. Now I’m in my 60s and a quarter of my friends are survivors. I know people who had stage 4 (metastasized cancer) 10 years ago and no trace now. I know people living with stage 4 cancer in them for years."

6. Closed captioning

"I'm deaf and hard-of-hearing. We didn't get closed captions on our TV t'il the mid-90s. Before that, you needed to buy a separate thing to attach to your TV. And now, every TV has them. Every streaming service. The only time closed captions aren't on in our living room is when my husband is watching sports. Because I don't watch them and the live captions are disruptive to him."

7. Women's treatment in the workplace

"I don’t know if women realize how much better things have gotten in the workplace. I was in the military 1993-99, and what would be causing harassment lawsuits today was just part of the job. Also, just part of the job was the idea that as a woman in a male-dominated field, not only did you have to be better than most at your job, you also didn’t complain."



8. Smoking

"I worked in a grocery store back in the day. One of the closing jobs was emptying the ashtrays at the end of each aisle."

"By everywhere, I mean everywhere. Your house, your friend’s house, the doctor’s office, school, everywhere."

9. Banking

"Having access to your money before there was online banking, ATMs, and apps such as Paypal and Venmo. Before the 80s, you had to get to the bank by a certain time to make a withdrawal or you were screwed. I got paid on Fridays and had to rush to the bank and wait in line to cash my check. I think they were open a little late on Fridays and Wednesdays. Saturdays they closed at noon and Sundays they were just closed. It was a real pain in the ass. One time the company I worked for was late giving us our checks and I didn’t make it to the bank on time, so I didn’t have much food in the house that weekend. BTW, they were paper checks. There was no direct deposit!"

10. Microwaves

"You have no idea what a breakthrough microwave ovens were. Frozen meals (what we used to call TV Dinners) could take up to 40 minutes to thaw, heat up in the oven, then cool down enough to eat. To prepare the most convenient form of popcorn there was, 'Jiffy Pop,' you had to stand at a stove and continuously shake it over one of the burners for about ten minutes. Heating up leftovers was a production; leftover pizza was generally eaten cold."

11. Crime is better

"Crime rates are waaaaay down."

"God yes. The 70s, 80s, and 90s were awful."



12. LGBTQ acceptance

"Definitely people’s feelings towards being gay. I remember how taboo it was in the 90s. Now I easily tell people I’m a lesbian and it barely moves any kind of needle. Other than some small weird enclaves, it’s been largely normalized."

13. Pollution

"Air pollution in cities. It’s still bad but you can’t imagine how bad it was in the '60s and '70s."



14. Racism

"As hard as we fight to reduce it today, racism is far less of problem than it ever was 50 years ago or even 30. The racists are louder than they used to be but that's because they're being squeezed harder. They march in the streets and say, you will not replace us, but we are doing it slowly and steadily."

15. Deliveries

"In the 70s and 80s you had to tear out the order form in the back of the catalogue, fill it out with your order, include a check (credit cards were rarer, and women weren't allowed to have one in their name for a long time), stick it in an envelope, get a stamp, drop it off in a mailbox, wait for them to get it, fill it and send it to you.... and you had no clue if they received the order, when it would arrive. It could take up to a month to get your order, so people also didn't buy things on a whim."

16. Mental health

"Mental health and talking about our mental struggles, depression, anxiety, etc. That wasn't a thing when I was younger.

I am 60 now. I really think it all began with Oprah. She sort of opened the door by having guests on her show address these issues."

17. Everything

"Almost everything. Seriously the perception that things are terrible now and everything was better 'before' is just crap."

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Italian restaurant has a funny and razor-sharp response to a homophobic review

He won't be eating there again.

via Google reviews

An anti-LGBTQ review of Vinnie's in Asheville, North Carolina.

A Google reviewer recently left a homophobic review for The Original Vinnie's Neighborhood Italian restaurant in Asheville, North Carolina. Although the review is upsetting, the response from the restaurant is the perfect example of how to confront homophobia.

Vinnie’s is known for food that reflects the “Old School” flavors of New York cuisine and has repeatedly been named "Best Italian Restaurant" in Asheville. The reviewer, who used the screenname "Kip Hadley," liked the food but didn’t enjoy the fact that Vinnie’s had a lot of LGBTQ employees.

“The food was fantastic, the waitress was great, however, I was surprised Italian sausage wasn’t the only thing on the menu,” Hadley wrote in the review. “The place was filled with homo’s. There should be some kind of warning, it was difficult to stay and finish our meal, especially with the kids having to see that.”

homophbic, Vinnie's Italian, reviewsThe homophobic review of Original Vinnie's Neighborhood Italian restaurant.via Google reviews

Sean Cudmore, Director of Growth and Strategies at The Scheffer Group, responded to the review with incredible heart and humor while touting the benefits of employing LGBTQ people.

Cudmore began his response by doubling down on how proud the company is to support LGBTQ people by giving them “safe, supportive, and sustainable places to work” and said that the company would continue to do so.



Then, he addressed Hadley, noting that multiple LGBTQ people most likely prepared the food he enjoyed.

“As for you, Kip, please feel free to avoid our Original location or any of the other locations our restaurant group offers in Asheville. Also, please know that there is a more than insignificant chance that a lesbian prepared your food last evening. A gay man might have mixed your drinks. A trans woman may have trained your server to give you such great service. A person who identifies with -- get this -- they/them pronouns may have sat you at your table,” Cudmore wrote.

“What I'm trying to say here, Kip, is that, despite your every effort to spread hate and bigotry in your own misery, those parts of your experience you did enjoy at Vinnie's Neighborhood Italian were in no small part created by the community you abhor,” he continued.

Cudmore finished the response with the ultimate mic drop.

“And, if you happen to subscribe to the idea that ‘gayness’ is spread by exposure, please be sure to check in with your inner-most thoughts over the next couple of days as, not only did you enjoy your experience that was created by the queer community, you ingested it."

This wasn’t the first time Hadley left a bigoted review on a local business; he also complained about the employees at a local bagel shop that he referred to as a “freak show” because he couldn’t tell whether they were “male or female.”

vinnie's italian, homophobic review, north carolinaAnti-LGBTQ bagel shop review. via Google reviews

Cudmore’s response was great because not only did he stand up for VInnie's LGBTQ employees, but he also made the case that being homophobic was a losing mindset because LGBTQ people a crucial part of our everyday lives. Homophobic people aren’t just fighting back against those with a non-traditional sexual preference. They are going to battle with the people who cook our meals, pour our drinks, teach our children, care for our health, protect our communities and—to put it in the most basic terms possible—contribute to society the same way as everyone else.

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