upworthy

letters

Motherhood

A woman grew up without her mom. 21 years later, she found her secret notebook.

The pages held clues to how different her life almost was.

Canva Photos

A woman named Blakelyn never knew her mom. Reading the journal changed everything.

Some of us are lucky enough to take our parents for granted. We have a brain full of memories of them, and many decades to form new ones. We learn who they are as people, who they were before we were born, where they came from, what their hopes and dreams were, how they met their partner—our other parent.

Some people don't have that luxury. About 5% of kids have lost one parent by the time they turn 18, and the odds get worse from there.

A woman named Blakelyn suffered unimaginable tragedy as a child when both of her parents died in separate car accidents within a few years of each other. She grew up hungry for any tangible memories of what they were like.

In particular, Blakelyn's mother died when she was just a baby. So, she grew up with no mother, very little understanding of why and what happened, and almost no memories at all of her existence.

Worse, her father was too grief-stricken to talk much about Blakelyn's mom—understandably so. That left her very little to go on, and when he sadly passed away too, she lost the only connection she had to her mother.

Imagine her shock when, 21 years later, Blakelyn's aunt was sorting through rooms at Blakelyn's grandparents' house when she discovered an old journal belonging to her mom.

Blakelyn was desperate to get her hands on it, and captured her reaction to its contents in a powerful post on social media.

image, screenshot, video, tiktok, parents, children, notebookTikTok · Blakelynnnwww.tiktok.com


For the first time in her life, Blakelyn got a look inside her mom's heart and mind. And she uncovered some amazing revelations along the way.

Among the highlights of the journal are pages and pages of notes Blakelyn's mom made as she was brainstorming names for her baby girl. There are lists of first names, first name middle name pairings, and experiments with different combinations.

In the post, Blakelyn expresses awe that her name was almost Baylee Alyssa, and also Bailey Alana. Mom had really honed in on those creative B names!

In a calendar portion of the journal, Mom noted key dates like the day she moved in with Blakelyn's dad, and also the day he proposed. Blakelyn had never known that the two were engaged when her mom died.

Mom also crossed off dates in succession, counting down the days until her daughter was born. It was all overwhelming in the best way.

@blakelynnnnnnn

Replying to @iliana i don’t have many but i cherish the ones i do have

The TikToker told Newsweek that not having any memories of her mom didn't make the loss any less painful. In a way, it left her searching for this intangible missing piece her entire life. Now, with the journal, she's got that piece back.

The post went viral, racking up hundreds of thousands of likes and bringing viewers to tears, as shared in the comments:

"She LOVED you. She wanted the most perfect name for you. She LOVED you. SHE LOVED YOU"

"you were so loved BEFORE you were here. imagine how much more they love you after they are gone … i’m sorry luv. you were seriously her most prized possession!!"

"She was just a girl, and she loved you and thought of you so much before you were even born"

"Wait, I love that she used the calendar to write the good things that happened versus using it to plan out future events. How sweet!"

"This is so sweet. Both of my parents passed away and a few months ago I found their love letters they had written to each other while they were long distance before I was even born. I tell myself all the time they were just teenagers in love."

A few commenters even had a great idea. Now that Blakelyn has her own name in her mom's handwriting, she's got all the makings of an epic and emotional tattoo. A way for her to continue carrying a piece of her mom with her everywhere.

"I definitely will be doing this," she responded.

From Your Site Articles
moms
Community

People are split over noise complaint note woman received after living in apartment for 2 days

Upstairs and downstairs neighbors are at war, but here's who they should really be mad at.

Canva Photos

Apartment living isn't easy...

People who live in apartments are often at war with their neighbors, and the weapon of choice is nasty handwritten notes. Conflicts between upstairs and downstairs neighbors are a tale as old as time. But now the evidence is being logged on the Internet for all to see—and weigh in on.

Everyone has an opinion on passive-aggressive noise complaints from neighbors, but the reality is that the people living in these situations are truly at a loss for how to make things better. One neighbor will swear up and down they're not making any noise, while the person that lives under them complains about the walls shaking and picture frames falling off of their nails. It's an impasse. Who's in the right here?

A woman and her husband recently got a fairly polite but aggressive note about their behavior, almost immediately after moving into their apartment.

gif of a woman shushing a man while he drivesPolitely asking for silence is a lost art. Giphy

She posted it in the subreddit r/Apartmentliving asking for advice. The note reads, in scratchy handwriting:

"Welcome new neighbors, me and my wife live below you and would like to ask if you would please try and walk a little softer, these apartments were built extremely fast and they cut corners especially with the sound proofing. We can hear which room your in, we could probably count your steps. It just drones and shakes our walls and floors and we end up with bad headaches. I would really appreciate it, and my wife too."

The OP had lived in the apartment for a grand total of two days before receiving the note. And she's not the only one. Social media is bursting with similar notes, stories, and screenshots of baffling text exchanges.

See the full post below:

Users were surprisingly divided on the note. Some who knew the pain and frustration of being a downstairs neighbor found it reasonable and polite. Others found it absolutely unhinged and ridiculous.

At face value, asking a person to "walk a little softer" in their own home sounds unreasonable, right? Claiming that only two days of the OP simply existing in her home is causing bad headaches is a little over dramatic, as well.

But people who have lived as downstairs neighbors before get it. Every little noise gets amplified and it really does sound like your neighbors are stomping around, jumping up and down, dragging chains along the floor, and doing all kinds of disruptive things.

The response was mixed. Some urged OP and her husband to be more mindful of the way they move around when they're home:

"I grew up in apartments and naturally walk lightly now when at home, but my house friends walk so heavy. I can notice the difference significantly when we’re both at my place so it’s not a bad idea to take notice if you are just a naturally heavy walker and also no shoes inside. It doesn’t sound too mean but let’s hope just with being a bit more aware then they don’t become annoyingggggg."

"I live in a downstairs unit and have 3 men living above me. The soundproofing is really decent, and I can barely hear 2 of them walking around, they're so quiet. They're big dudes, too. The last guy walks like he weighs 800lbs and has ski boots on, it's insane. I've never heard anyone walk so loudly before, it drives me crazy. I dread him coming home from work every day because I have to listen to him stomp back and forth and shake the walls/ceiling. Some people absolutely don't know how to walk gently."

"I think people just don’t realize that it’s possible to walk normally without making heavy steps."

Other apartment-dwellers were more blunt; opining that the note was way out of line, especially after such a short time:

"Obviously, try to be mindful of how hard you're walking, but beyond that, there's nothing you really can do. You've gotta live your life, and you're paying to do so in that space, so as long as you aren't doing unreasonable things at unreasonable hours, then it's kinda their problem and not yours. That might sound callous, but I mean, if they expect to never have to hear other people, then they may need to reconsider living in an apartment."

"I’d ignore it. Don’t engage. You can walk around, watch tv, take a shower and close cabinets any time of the day or night as long as you’re not screaming, slamming, etc. then there’s nothing they can do.."

"Have you tried learning how to float?"

"If you're counting someone's steps you literally need to find a hobby. My parents still live in an apartment and my Mom does this kind of stuff. Every neighbor bothers her with the least amount of noise. If you have this issue, maybe consider housing that isn't attached to a neighbor?"

In the end, a few people had advice for the couple, or any upstairs neighbor: Put down some extra rugs and make sure you're wearing slippers when walking around the house. That's a simple gesture almost anyone can do for their neighbor's comfort. And, if you can, step lightly. Beyond that, there's not much else you can do.

Buried in the note, however, is the true culprit: Management!

gif of toddler making a faceThere's another culprit here.Giphy

The problem with these conflicts is that neither the upstairs or downstairs neighbor is really wrong. The upstairs neighbor can be doing absolutely nothing of note and it can still be deafeningly loud for the lower tenant. That's a sign of a crappy building that, as the note writer admits, points to corners that have been cut during construction

Some estimates say that apartments with better soundproofing are worth up to 20% more than noisier units. And the time spent dealing with constant complains and quarrels between neighbors is surely costly in its own way. Instead of writing nasty notes, neighbors should put pressure on management to address soundproofing issues—it's for the landlord's own good! They can't exactly remodel the entire building in most cases, but they should be willing to consider adding thick carpet pads, purchasing heavy curtains and drapes, or lining the air ducts to limit sound traveling between units.

Some have argued that landlords and management companies are inherently unethical, or at the very least, incentivized to be lazy and address problems in the cheapest way possible. If you want your apartment experience to get better, send these passive aggressive notes to them instead of your well-meaning neighbors.

From Your Site Articles
neighbors
Heroes

Read the incredible hand-written notes an 8-year-old girl has been sending to firefighters

Her small gestures are making a world of difference.

Photo courtesy of Beth Crosby

Beth Crosby (who goes by the name @thegarbagemom on social media) asked her 8-year-old daughter, Grace, to write personal notes to firefighters in her community. She had no idea she'd be so moved by what her daughter said. As one of the many Los Angeles residents near the devastating wildfires, Beth and her family feared they had to evacuate their home. Preparing go-bags was understandably confusing and scary for their child, but Beth reassured her that firefighters were working hard to keep them safe.

Beth decided the best thing she could do for Grace was to teach her about giving back. Their local YMCA (the Anderson Munger YMCA in Koreatown) began collecting donations for fire stations and people who have been displaced. Beth shared, "They've worked non-stop and are just amazing! I wanted to help my daughter feel a tiny bit better about this horrible tragedy and show her we need to be helpers in any way that we can."

When Beth saw that the YMCA was asking for handmade notes to include in their care packages, she knew this was a perfect family activity. So they got to work.

Beth shared, "We talked about what we thought would make the firefighters feel supported, and what we could say that would make them know that the entire city is grateful for them." Grace's answer was to the point, which was merely that we need to tell them: "We are here for you."

Photo courtesy of Beth Crosby

Her first letter said "Hi my name is Grace and I am thinking about you. It makes me feel sad to hear what you are going through. But we are here for you! I'm 8 years old and I live in L.A. I hope to meet you one day. My friends and family and the whole city loves you!" She included a hopeful hand-drawn picture of a bird sitting perched by its nest, looking up at fire clouds with a rainbow on the horizon.

But it was their conversation after that really put things into perspective for Beth. When Grace was asked how she was feeling, she said she just hopes they can "keep going." She also relayed she felt just a little better knowing that maybe, just maybe, the cards and drawings would help firefighters and victims "not give up."

Other children sent over their letters/pictures, as well. @amfymca_ktown on Instagram shared notes from young kids like "Thank you for risking your own lives to save people from the fire." And "I appreciate your hard work. You are amazing," accompanied by their own heartfelt drawings.

On a pinned Instagram post, this YMCA noted that they're looking for more comforting and uplifting notes. They wrote: "Special project for ALL. You can do at home, with friends, school groups, companies, etc. These will be placed inside our care packages and delivered to many LAFD firehouses."

At the end of the day, Beth and so many others, just wanted to teach her kids that there are ways to feel less powerless in times of tragedy. She says, "I wanted to help my kid feel like she's contributing."

From Your Site Articles
firefighters
Joy

92-year-old former ballet dancer with dementia wrote a poem that has us all wrecked

What a beautiful gut punch.

Photo credit: Canva

"I am still a dancer made of song."

Humans have been writing poetry for thousands of years, communicating feelings and ideas in beautiful, powerful ways that prose just can't quite reach. Poetry can be hard to define, but you know it when you see it—or rather, when you feel it.

Emily Dickinson once wrote, “If I feel physically as if the top of my head were taken off, I know that is poetry.” A poem hits you somewhere—your brain, your heart, your gut. And one poem that packs an incredibly moving punch has come from an unlikely source—an elderly woman with dementia.

Poet Joseph Fasano shared a message from a fan who shared that they had brought his book, "The Magic Words: Simple Poetry Prompts That Unlock the Creativity in Everyone," to their mother, a 92-year-old former ballet dancer living with dementia. The mother was excited to write a poem, and they slowly worked through a prompt from the book together aloud.

This poem was the result:

"Let the days be warm

Let the fall be long.

Let every child inside me find her shoes

and dance wildly, softly, toward the world.

I have a story I have never told

Once, when I was small,

I looked up at the sky and saw the wind

and knew I was a dancer made of song.

I am still a dancer made of song."

Wow. What a testament to the power of poetry to reach beyond our usual modes of communication, which dementia so cruelly disrupts. In a few simple lines, we're able to see this woman as she might see herself, as the human living under the veils of age and disease: "I am still a dancer made of song."

Poetry prompts can help people express themselves

The person who shared the poem thanked Fasano for "helping people find their voices," which is exactly what his book of poetry prompts was meant to do.

The Magic Words book"The Magic Words" is a book of poetry prompts from Joseph Fasano.Amazon

In the book's introduction, Fasano shares that he'd been invited to speak to a class of second graders in New Jersey in 2022 to share "the craft and magic of poetry." As part of his efforts, he came up with a poetry prompt that could "help guide their imaginations" and "unlock the images, thoughts and feelings inside them, without asking them to worry about how to structure a poem." He called the results "astonishing." When he shared one of the students' poems on social media, it and the prompt took off like wildfire, as people who never thought of themselves as poets felt empowered to share their imaginations within that framework.

From 7-year-olds to 92-year-olds, anyone can benefit from the self-expression that poetry facilitates, but many people feel hesitant or intimidated by the idea of writing a poem. Fasano writes, "Poetry is what happens when we let ourselves be," and this idea seems so clear than in the former dancer's poem above. Dementia can create roadblocks, but poetry provides a different avenue of communication.

younger woman looking at a book with an older womanCaregivers try many different ways to communicate with people living with dementia.Photo credit: Canva

The arts can be a powerful tool for people with dementia

Using poetry to help dementia patients communicate and express themselves isn't just wishful thinking. Studies have demonstrated that cultural arts interventions, including poetry specifically, can be beneficial for people with dementia. In fact, the Alzheimer's Poetry Project (APP) aims to use poetry as a means of improving the quality of life of people living with dementia by facilitating creative expression. "We do not set boundaries in our beliefs in what possible for people with memory impairment to create," the APP website states. "By saying to people with dementia, we value you and your creativity; we are saying we value all members of our community."

Poet Gary Glazner founded APP and shared a story with WXPR radio about how he came up with the idea while studying poetry at Sonoma State University:

“I applied for a grant and got a grant to work at an adult care program. The moment I love to share with people is there was a guy in the group, head down, not participating and I said the Longfellow poem. ‘I shot an arrow into the air’ and his eyes popped open and he said, ‘It fell to earth I know not where.’ And suddenly he was with us and participating. It was just this powerful moment to see how poetry could be of use to elders but specifically with people with dementia."

Whether we read it, write it, speak it or hear it, poetry has the power to reach people of all ages in all kinds of mysterious ways.

You can follow Joseph Fasano on Twitter and Instagram, and find his books on Amazon.

This article originally appeared last year.

From Your Site Articles
poetry
Trending Stories