What's the most clever and confident response to an insult? 6 experts share the best comebacks.
Study these so you'll be ready next time someone tries to insult you.
A woman can't believe how she was insulted.
An insult can come out of nowhere and at any time. So, it’s best to prepare yourself with a skillful response that doesn’t start a fight but puts the offending person in their place. A great response to an insult makes the other person look worse and shows that you are confident and don’t care what your detractors think.
However, being hit with an insult out of nowhere can be jarring, making a skillful comeback difficult. That’s why we’ve compiled this list of 6 comebacks recommended by 5 therapists and a lawyer to put the hater in their place and make you look even better than before.
How do you respond to an insult?
1. “Are you okay?”
Bernadette Purcell, a popular LCSW on TikTok and author of "Divorced As F,” says that responding with “Are you okay?” puts “them on the defensive and gives you the upper hand.” Depending on how the response is delivered, it can be a genuine question to see if the insulter, who just said something inappropriate, is going through a personal problem. It’s also rooted in the assumption that the person is insecure and is trying to elevate themselves by putting others down. With this response, you seem confident and empathetic.
2. “Hey, flag on the play”
Ajita Robinson, a therapist in Bethesda, Md., told Time she often responds to insults with, “Hey, flag on the play,” a reference to when a referee calls a penalty in football. For example, one of Robinson’s clients went on a date with a man who said some things that were a bit sexually suggestive. So she responded to him with a “Hey, flag on the play.”
“I thought that was pretty cool because she used it as a way to express that this was something she was uncomfortable with,” Robinson says. “It’s lighthearted, but sends a signal that the comment or interaction crossed a boundary.”
How to respond to a backhanded compliment?
3. “I'm sure you mean that in the nicest way possible!”
Jessica Alderson, Co-Founder and Relationship Expert at So Syncd, says one of the best ways to respond to a backhanded compliment is by being humorous. “Employing humor can diffuse the tension of a backhanded compliment while also indirectly addressing the underlying criticism. You could respond with a lighthearted comment such as, ‘I'm sure you mean that in the nicest way possible!’ or ‘I'm glad I exceeded your low expectations’," Alderson told Verywell Mind.
A backhanded compliment is when someone says something that sounds like praise but has a hidden critique or negative twist. It might seem flattering initially, but there's usually an underlying message that the person you’re talking to isn’t being kind. For example, "You look great for someone your age!" is calling you attractive but old at the same time.
4. Do nothing
Riyan Portuguez, MP, RPm, RPsy, has the simplest response, but you must learn to keep a straight face. “So you take the insult, make no reaction to it,” he said on TikTok. “You smile and you look at them in the eye and say nothing. You are composed; it has no effect on you, and make sure you hold that smile and look them in the face and keep him waiting." Grayson Allen, a University of Cambridge graduate who shares TikTok psychology tips, agrees with Portuguez. “If you show that you're completely not phased or didn't even hear it, that's going to be awkward, they're going to look bad, and you're going to be in control,” he said on TikTok.
5. "What was your intention with that comment?"
Jessica Good, a therapist in St. Louis, told Time that this response is both “effective and therapeutic” because “it makes them say the quiet part out loud.” This puts the insulter in a very uncomfortable position of admitting that they intentionally insulted you or forces them to backtrack and lie their way out of the situation, making them look bad.
6. Agree with them
Jefferson Fisher isn't a therapist but a lawyer in Texas who calls himself an "argument expert." He says that when someone insults you, it's to get a dopamine hit. The key is to keep them from enjoying the chemical reaction. If he knows the person who insulted him, he'll agree with the remark. "By agreeing to it, I'll totally take away that satisfaction of the dopamine," Fisher said on TikTok. "So if someone puts me down, I'll say, 'You know, but maybe you're right. And, just checking in, are you feeling okay?' At all times, I'm letting them know I'm the one that's still here and in control."
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Remember when Michael Cohen threatened a reporter? Jim Carrey definitely does.
If you hadn't heard, Jim Carrey likes to paint.
Swapping out the hustle and bustle of Hollywood for a more quiet life of canvases and color swatches, Carrey's been making all kinds of statements via his paint brush. But in recent months, the iconic actor has taken a liking to reimagining the figures we often see splashed across front pages and news chyrons: high-profile members of President Donald Trump's orbit.
Photo by Christopher Polk/Getty Images for AFI.
Now, a new caricature created by Carrey is making waves again.
The subject is Trump's personal lawyer, Michael Cohen. And the depiction ... isn't too flattering.
The painting includes words wrapped around the lawyer's head you may have missed at first glance.
Ensnaring Cohen's turquoise face is a quote from Trump's personal lawyer: "I’m warning you, tread very lightly because what I’m going to do to you is gonna be fucking disgusting."
The slightly edited-down quote was part of a larger threat Cohen made to The Daily Beast back in 2015, when Trump was the front-runner to be the GOP nominee for president. During an interview with Cohen, the media outlet brought up an allegation from the president's ex-wife, Ivana Trump, that the then-candidate had once raped her while they were married.
Cohen, rattled by the subject matter, basically blew up. Here is the quote Carrey incorporated into his painting in full context (emphasis added):
Photo by Drew Angerer/Getty Images.
While Carrey hasn't specified why he chose that particular quote, Cohen's attack on the free press is especially telling in lieu of recent news.
The home, hotel room, and offices of Trump's self-proclaimed "fix-it guy" were raided by the FBI earlier this month, casting doubt on Cohen's innocence in shielding the president from ongoing investigations into his business dealings and alleged extra-marital affairs.
Just days after the raid, with the eyes of the country on his every move, Cohen dropped libel suits against BuzzFeed and Fusion GPS for their roles in publishing the so-called Steele dossier, which connected Trump to Moscow through various unconfirmed claims.
It appears Cohen's bark is worse than his bite when it comes to his disdain for the free press.
Cohen's not the only one in Trump's world who's taken a hit from Carrey's paintbrush.
In March, the actor shared a painting of an angry, open-mouthed press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders.
Some slammed the caricature as sexist. But others defended Carrey's work, as the style of the painting fell in line with the actor's other works, and unflattering depictions of powerful people have often been used as a tool for political commentary — regardless of the subject's gender.
Between the time Huckabee Sanders' portrait went viral and his latest recreation of Cohen, Carrey painted several other Trump allies as well.
Like Scott Pruitt, the president's embattled EPA chief.
And Trump's new controversial and very hawkish national security adviser, John Bolton.
Even Fox News host — and, incredibly, client of Cohen's — Sean Hannity got a shout-out from Carrey.
Carrey's creations are brash, unapologetic, and as candid as they come. They may not be your cup of artistry tea — regardless of where you lie on the political spectrum — and that's OK.
But the actor's commentary on Cohen's threats to the free press are critical to keep in mind for every Republican, Democrat, and independent alike. After all, it was George W. Bush who once said media is "indispensable to democracy."
"We need the media to hold people like me to account," the former president told NBC News last year — breaking with Trump's move barring several news organizations from White House press briefings.
A free press is American as apple pie. And if it takes a Canadian actor to remind us of that, so be it.