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Mom shares 'kind can' idea after 7-year-old expresses struggles with friends at school

She described the "kind can" as "a way to keep our hearts open even when they want to close.”

The "kind can" is a tool for helping kids connect with others.

At some point, most parents have to field questions, concerns, worries, anxieties, and, sometimes, outright despair from their kids about their relationships with other kids. Friendships can be messy. Bullying is a thing. When you pool together a couple of dozen kids who are growing, changing, and figuring out their emotions for most of the day, all manner of relational dynamics can emerge.

Navigating the social landscape with our kids isn't easy. Each child is unique, some are more sensitive or aware of what's happening than others, and some need assistance with figuring out how to handle tough social situations. As parents, we don't want to swoop in and solve their problems, but we also don't want to leave them rudderless in a storm. We want to provide them with the tools and help them build the skills they'll need to steer their own ship.

kids, parenting, parents, tweens, issuesFinding the right balance can be tough.Image via Canva

One tool that can help a kid who is struggling to connect with their peers is intentional kindness. However, a blanket admonition to "be kind" is often too vague to help a kid in the midst of a social crisis. That's why one parent's "kind can" idea has gone viral—it offers a specific way to practice kindness in a way that's not overwhelming.

In a 2022 post on LinkedIn, mom Sasja Nieukerk-Chomos shared the idea, writing:

"'Mom, I hate them.'

'Them' being her friends at school.


This is what my 7-year-old confided to me as I was putting her to bed the other night.


I could have made light of her hatred, like I’ve done when she tells me she hates broccoli.


I could have gotten caught up in her anger: 'Who are these kids upsetting my daughter!?'


Instead, I asked her what was going on that her heart hurt so much.


Because under anger is usually hurt."


kind can, linkedin, post, social media, mom, parentingNieukerk-Chomos' post on LinkedInvia LinkedIn.

"Sure enough, the tears came pouring out as she told me about how her best friend only wanted to play with another girl, and how when she went to find others to play with they told her to go away.

This had been happening all week.


'Why doesn’t anybody like me?'


I didn’t have an answer for that, but I did have a thought: It’s time for the Kind Can.


Suddenly I was 8 years old again, a grade 3 student who was having a rough start to the school year.

I had a teacher I didn’t like, friendships had shifted, and I couldn’t seem to get along with anyone. I hated going to school.


My mom created a Kind Can.


She used a big Nescafe tin can (remember those?)


In the can went the names of every single one of my classmates. Each morning before school I
would pull a name out of the can. That day I had to go out of my way to do something kind for them.


Not to have them do something in return.


For no other reason than to do something kind.


It wasn’t easy at first, but my mom encouraged me to keep trying, and helped me think of all the different ways I could show kindness to others.


It started to get really fun!


And then things shifted.


No longer caught up in my own mind about what others were ‘doing to me’, I was now focused on what I was doing for others.


Though there were no expectations of kindness in return, more and more kindness is what I got. I loved going to school!


I told my daughter about the Kind Can and her eyes got that little spark – the one that tells me she’s about to get creative.


So yes, she has big plans for just how fancy this can will be – much better than an old tin can she proclaimed! That’s our project.


A Kind Can
.

A way to create more kindness.


A way to keep our hearts open even when they want to close."

People loved the "kind can" idea, with the post being shared more than 3,000 times. Some people pointed out the beauty of the wisdom in it being passed down through generations. Several parents wished that they had seen the idea when their own kids were going through some social struggles. Many commenters said that a lot of adults could use a kind can as well.

kindness, kind can, parenting, kids, friendships, lessonsPass It On Be Kind GIFGiphy

With bullying becoming more widespread thanks to the Internet and social media, many parents are aware of the importance of instilling kindness in their children. On social media, parents are making a point to highlight moments of kindness from their own kids or from another kid to theirs, and the videos are warming hearts and reminding viewers that the kids really are all right—and will continue to be so long as we continue to model kindness like Nieukerk-Chomos.

@ismeganokay

When I tell you I burst into tears when that girl offered her her hand… a small gesture can mean so much | #bekind #endbullying #adhd #parenting

A "kind can" won't solve every friendship woe a child has, but goodness knows the world could use more kindness. Helping kids practice that virtue with a tool that makes it specific and fun is definitely a win-win.

This article originally appeared three years ago. It has been updated.

Internet

Airbnb host ditches the cleaning fee and finds unexpected benefits

The host went for a more "honest" approach with her listings—and saw the behavior of her guests change dramatically.

@rachelrboice/TikTok
Many frustrated Airbnb customers have complained that the separate cleaning fee is a nuisance.

We've all been there. We've discovered the perfect Airbnb, maybe a little cottage in the mountains, or a condo with stunning beach views. And the price is right in our budget. Hallelujah! Then, unfortunately, when we get to the booking page we realize our total cost is far higher than expected. Why? It's the dreading cleaning fee.

Airbnb defines its notorious cleaning fee as a “one-time charge” set by the host that helps them arrange anything from carpet shampoo to replenishing supplies to hiring an outside cleaning service—all in the name of ensuring guests have a “clean and tidy space.”

But as many frustrated Airbnb customers will tell you, this feature is viewed as more of a nuisance than a convenience. According to NerdWallet, the general price for a cleaning fee is around $75, but can vary greatly between listings, with some units having cleaning fees that are higher than the nightly rate (all while sometimes still being asked to do certain chores before checking out). And often none of these fees show up in the total price until right before the booking confirmation, leaving many travelers feeling confused and taken advantage of. It's certainly a case of sticker shock if you're used to staying in hotels.

However, some hosts are now opting to build cleaning fees into the overall price of their listings, mimicking the strategy of traditional hotels.

Rachel Boice runs two Airbnb properties in Georgia with her husband Parker—one being this fancy glass plane tiny house (seen below) that promises a perfect glamping experience.

@rachelrboice

Welcome to The Tiny Glass House 🤎 #airbnbfinds #exploregeorgia #travelbucketlist #tinyhouse #glampingnotcamping #atlantageorgia #fyp

Like most Airbnb hosts, the Boice’s listing originally showed a nightly rate and separate cleaning fee. According to her interview with Insider, the original prices broke down to $89 nightly, and $40 for the cleaning fee.

But after noticing the negative response the separate fee got from potential customers, Rachel told Insider that she began charging a nightly rate that included the cleaning fee, totaling to $129 a night.

It’s a marketing strategy that more and more hosts are attempting in order to generate more bookings (people do love feeling like they’re getting a great deal) but Boice argued that the trend will also become more mainstream since the current Airbnb model “doesn’t feel honest.” Which is funny, because if anything listing the cleaning charge is more transparent! But users tend to feel duped because they can't see the full price when they're browsing the listings.

"We stay in Airbnbs a lot. I pretty much always pay a cleaning fee," Boice told Insider. "You're like: 'Why am I paying all of this money? This should just be built in for the cost.'"

How much can it cost to clean a tiny house like this one? Photo by Aysegul Yahsi on Unsplash

Since combining costs, Rachel began noticing another unexpected perk beyond customer satisfaction: guests actually left her property cleaner than before they were charged a cleaning fee.

Her hypothesis was that they assumed she would be handling the cleaning herself.

"I guess they're thinking, 'I'm not paying someone to clean this, so I'll leave it clean,'" she said.

This discovery echoes a similar anecdote given by another Airbnb host, who told NerdWallet guests who knew they were paying a cleaning fee would “sometimes leave the place looking like it’s been lived in and uncleaned for months.” So, it appears to be that being more transparent and lumping all fees into one overall price makes for a happier (and more considerate) customer.

This phenomenon has been studied by economists across many different fields. A blueberry farmer once considered charging customers for grazing on blueberries as they walked until an economist told him paying the fee would just encourage people to eat even more. Daycares who charge parents fees for picking their kids up late often find the fee increases the number of late parents instead of decreasing it.

It comes down to the "cost" of a decision. If you pay the same cleaning fee no matter what condition you leave the property in, a lot of people will find it's just not worth their time to tidy up after themselves. When the cost of leaving the place filthy is more nebulous, or human (forcing another person to do it), people are more willing to help out.

snow white, cleaning, airbnb, hotels, travel, humanity, kindness, economicsWe're happy to clean up if we think we're saving someone else the troubleGiphy



These days, it’s hard to not be embittered by deceptive junk fees, which can seem to appear anywhere without warning—surprise overdraft charges, surcharges on credit cards, the never convenience “convenience charge” when purchasing event tickets. Junk fees are so rampant that certain measures are being taken to try to eliminate them outright in favor of more honest business approachesSpeaking of a more honest approach—as of December 2022, AirBnb began updating its app and website so that guests can see a full price breakdown that shows a nightly rate, a cleaning fee, Airbnb service fee, discounts, and taxes before confirming their booking.

Guests can also activate a toggle function before searching for a destination, so that full prices will appear in search results—avoiding unwanted financial surprises.

As for Boice, business is booming. After her story went viral on TikTok, she decided to expand her property business with another glass house.

@rachelrboice

the other one is going so well so why not 🤷🏼‍♀️ #fyp #tinyhouse #tinyglasshouse #airbnb #atlanta #georgia #uniquestays #camping

Users were thrilled, especially ones who live in Georgia, within shouting distance of her properties. And after all the viral exposure, she's still not charging cleaning fees. Although, there's not much she can do about those pesky "Airbnb service fees." Oh well. You can't win 'em all.

This article originally appeared two years ago.

Community

An Irish elementary school assigned 'kindness' instead of homework for a month

There were different acts of kindness to practice for each day of the week.

Photo credit: henry…/Flickr

Acts of kindness instead of homework? Brilliant.

Despite controversial-but-compelling evidence that homework takes time away from families with little to no appreciable benefit for students, kids continue to slog through hours of school work outside the time they spend in the classroom. And despite evidence that small acts of kindness can infect a community like a positive virus, far too many kids are on either the giving or receiving end of unkind bullying on a regular basis.

Perhaps that's why an elementary school in Ireland decided to do something radical—ditch all homework for the month of December and assign kids "acts of kindness" instead.

Gaelscoil Mhichíl Uí Choileáin held a month of kindness.www.facebook.com

In the weeks leading up to the holidays in 2019, kids at Gaelscoil Mhíchíl Uí Choileáin, Clonakilty were given a kindness task for each weekday. Mondays they were asked to reach out to and communicate with an elderly person. Tuesdays they made a family member's life easier by taking over a chore or helping out without being asked. Wednesdays were for random acts of kindness of any kind, and Thursdays were for doing something kind for themselves to take care of their own mental and emotional well-being.

Students were asked to keep track of their kind deeds in a Kindness Diary. The school also created a Kindness Bucket, where students could write down and deposit positive observations and affirmations to boost the self-esteem of their schoolmates. On Friday mornings, a random selection of the notes were read aloud for everyone to hear.

girl writing a note, kindness diary, acts of kindness, irish schoolStudents kept a Kindness Diary and shared notes of their observations.Photo credit: Canva

In addition, each class cooperated in a collective act of kindness for the community based on the students' own brainstorming as a team. How lovely.

According to a Facebook post from the school, the students have been doing similar programs in December for years. In 2018, the focus was on Gratitude, which resulted in "overwhelming success and positivity."

Vice Principal Íde Ní Mhuirí was quoted in the post:

"We are encouraging our pupils to think of the real spirit of Christmas, the spirit of kindness and giving.
With such an emphasis on the materialistic and commercial aspect of Christmas, we often tend to overlook what it's really all about…. Good will!

Unfortunately not everyone is in a position to be able to enjoy Christmas, some are lonely, some are sad, some might yearn for what they do not have and some might simply not enjoy the festivities. But there is nobody in this world who wouldn't benefit from an act of kindness, and the joy of kindness is that it costs nothing.

acts of kindness, irish schoolKindness is contagious.Photo credit: Canva

What if schools everywhere did things like this, and not just during the holidays? What if we focused just as much on good character and citizenship as we do on test prep? What if each school took it upon themselves to say, "Being kind is more important than being smart," not just for a month, but always?

The most pressing issues our world faces are not so much due to a lack of intelligence or knowledge, but rather a lack of shared values that compel us to care about one another. Without a foundation of basic human decency and kindness, knowledge and skill-building will only lead to more problems, while focusing more energy on kindness can only help build a better world for all of us.

As the school noted on Facebook:

In this world, consumed by social media, where our young people are constantly experiencing pressure, there is no better way to show them the way forward in the world than by practicing kindness. We all know that helping others makes us feel good about ourselves…. What's not to love about that?!? That feel good factor we experience form helping others cannot be quantified. Our message to the children is very simple: they can be the reason somebody smiles today and they can definitely help make this world a better place for others and for themselves.

In 2024, the school looked outside of its own community to see where they might help kids elsewhere. The staff asked that, in lieu of buying them Christmas gifts, families donate to the UNICEF Children of Gaza Appeal instead. They were able to raise €7501.00 in donations.

What a wonderful way to encourage well-rounded learning in ways that truly make a difference. Less homework and more kindness all around, please and thank you.

This article originally appeared six years ago.

Community

Man notices a single mom's fence falling down so he stopped to build her a new one for free

"Plus I'm sure if they could afford to get it done, it would've been did by now."

Man sees neighbor's fence falling down so he builds a new one

It's not unheard of for people to do nice things for their neighbors. Borrowing a bag of rice to finish dinner or collecting the neighbor's mail while they're on vacation. All of these scenarios are within the realm of normalcy of kind neighborly interactions and while some neighbors may even come over to assist with a weekend project, most don't take on huge projects without prompting.

A man that goes by the name Uncle Jhon has made it his mission to go above and beyond for his neighbors. That's why when he was driving through his neighborhood and noticed a neighbor's fence laying on the ground, he decided to get out of his truck and help. But not just help, no. Jhon took the entire fence down, cut it up and built a new one that wouldn't require replacing for many years to come.

"So today I was riding down the street and that's when I noticed my neighbor's fence laying on the ground, so I decided to replace it completely for free. Just because I' retired y'all and I ain't got nothing better to do. Plus I'm sure if they could afford to get it done, it would've been did by now," the friendly neighbor says in the video he uploaded to social media.

Farm Life Building GIF by WIESEMANN 1893Giphy

Jhon quickly clarifies, "Now I didn't just jump out of my truck with a saw and start cutting these people's fence up. I actually knocked on their door to see if this was something they actually wanted me to do and they was more than excited to tell me yeah when I told them I was going to do it for free."

The woman that owns the home is a single mom who lives with her own mother who was recently involved in a car accident that left the car totaled. While the family are having a small rough patch, they have been attempting to get the fence replaced for several years but the cost is too much. The removal and installation of a new six foot privacy fence can run anywhere from $4,000 to well over $10,000 depending on the size of the yard, type of gates, and style of privacy fence being installed.

Guy Tearing Down Fence Takes A Tumble GIF by ViralHogGiphy

Jhon explains that the family had been quoted over $6,000 by multiple contractors in order to the fence replaced, "and we all know with the state the world in right now, $6,000? You might as well say that's a million dollars."

It took the man just under three hours to complete the new fence and cost him a total of $2,173.89. He explains that he has big plans for his neighborhood by doing his part to make it look more desirable. Jhon uses the money he makes off of TikTok to purchase materials for the free projects he does. The handy neighbor also has a website that has free blueprints of DIY projects like raised garden beds, sheds, mailboxes and more.


@unclejhonn Level 2025: Rebuilding the Community… #unclejhonn #diy #diyfence ♬ original sound - Uncle Jhonn

People can't stop praising the man's action and dedication to his neighborhood with one person writing, "This is what we need more of neighbors helping neighbors!

"That fence looks amazing!!! You can tell that you didn’t take shortcuts either. Built it like it was for yourself!!! Good on ya," another writes.

"As a single mom thank you I know that family are so grateful and appreciate you," someone else shares.

"You are such a good human. My mom was a single parent for many years and an older gentleman rebuilt our front and back porch because he was worried my Nana would get hurt. My mom was so grateful," one person reminisces.

This article originally appeared in February.