The "Notice and Do" list is a great chore list alternative that teaches kids to be aware of what needs to be done.
Though motherhood has long involved the intangible, yet nonetheless taxing responsibilities of managing a household, we’ve only had the term “invisible labor” to actually define this experience for thirty some odd years.
And if the conversation of invisible labor is still fairly new in the world of adults, how can they teach kids to be cognizant of it?
Sam Kelly, therapist and mom of three, has a pretty cool solution to this, and it starts by tweaking the traditional chore list.
On her Threads account, Kelly explained that she has ongoing conversations about invisible labor with her 6, 10, and 12-year-old, where she teaches them that “that the very first step in anything getting done around the house (including chores) is NOTICING that something needs to get done and then doing it.”
It’s through these conversations that Kelly realized the chores charts that most parents use miss this “crucial step,” which only “defaults that emotional labor onto me, their mom/the woman, to carry the load of knowing what needs to get done and then doing the work of assigning tasks.”
So, instead of chores, Kelly’s family participates in an activity she calls their “Notice and Do’s.”
“I’m teaching my kids how to first notice what needs to be done around the house and then take the initiative to actually do it on their own,” she writes, with the end goal being for them to eventually participate in “shouldering the mental load (in age-appropriate ways)” without needing instructions from mom.
Post by @samkelly_worldView on Threads
Long term, Kelly hopes that her kids will not only be more aware of invisible labor that happens every day, but also “have developed the proactive, self-motivational skills to take responsibility for doing it themselves.”
In creating her “Notice and Do” lists, Kelly has also made sure to address—and dispel— inherent gender norms, in both teaching her daughter that it is not solely a woman’s job, and teaching her son to take an equal amount of responsibility.
“This might seem like a crazy fantasy pipe dream. I get it,” she writes. “But slowly, over time…it’s working.”
All in all, other adults seemed to love this approach.
“Those are all great executive functioning skills of planning, organization, perception, attention, working memory and initiation at work. Well done!👏🏾👏🏾,” one person wrote.
“I love this. It really TEACHES instead of just bossing them around. Goes a long way,” another added.”
“I love this. It really TEACHES instead of just bossing them around."
Kelly’s “Notice and Do” list obviously isn’t a fix-all, but the fact that it’s creating awareness around labor which so often goes unnoticed is such a game changer. Think about how different our society might be if this mindset skill was as commonly taught as the alphabet or time tables.
Thankfully, Kelly did make it easy to teach kids with a free guide, which you can check out here.