There are plenty of reason not to take a husband's last name beyond pure feminism.
A growing number of women are deciding to keep their last name after saying “I do.”
Content creator Lucy is one of them. In a recent TikTok video, Lucy shared with her 438,000 viewers that taking her husband’s name wasn’t even something she “considered” leading up to getting married, because “why should I change it for someone else?” This led her to wonder why other women had made the same choice. So, she posed the question, “For my girls who didn’t change your last name, I want to hear your reason why.”
It turns out, the answers were as varied as the individuals who wrote them.
For some, it’s about identity and accomplishment
Name carries so much identity. It makes sense that some women wouldn't want to give up a part of theirs. Photo credit: Canva
Many commenters said their last name carries personal or professional meaning—a part of who they are that they’ve worked too hard to give up:
“I earned my doctorate with my last name and I’m the only one in my family with an advanced degree.”
“Because I got married not bought. I don’t find it necessary for a woman to change her identity once she gets married.”
“It felt weird. I came into this world with my name. Why would I change it.”
For others, it’s cultural
Taking the husband's last name isn't tradition everywhere. Photo credit: Canva
Heritage and lineage play a big role too. Keeping a name can mean keeping a connection to family, culture, or faith.
“I’m first gen Mexican American and it was a piece of my identity I was not willing to give up. Also will be first gen college graduate so I want my family name on that degree.”
“I didn’t change mine because in Islam a woman is supposed to keep her last name and not erase her identity by taking someone else’s name. It also is your link to your lineage.”
“My fiance (male) is taking my (female) last name instead of me changing my name! He is adopted and isn’t closely attached to his last name, whereas my dad passed when I was a kid and I have always felt close to him and to my last name. He wants to honor my dad by taking his name instead!”
Some made the choice out of practicality (or paperwork fatigue)
"I love paperwork," said no one ever. Photo credit: Canva
Then there were those whose reasons were more… logistical. After all, love might be forever, but so is the DMV line.
“I avoid the Social Security office and DMV like the plague.”
“My passport photo was good and I didn’t want to change it until it expires.”
“We got married in 2021 and so the social security office still had covid measures. They wanted me to mail in sensitive documents and I wasn’t comfortable with it.”
“Um did you see how much paper work that was? I said to him, I don’t mind changing my name, but you’re going to have to all this paper work. SO THAT NEVER HAPPENED.”
“It will take me 273784938824 years to get an appointment at the DMV and I don’t want to miss an election where I can vote against Ted Cruz.”
…and then some reasons were just plain funny
If your last name is King, you keep it forever. Photo credit: Canva
“My last name is King and his is Butler — why would I demote myself?”
“I wont cause his name is too long and I like saying that I’m related to Marvin Gaye.”
“I’ve heard people I love say ‘it’s not even your name, it’s your dad’s’ and I get so frustrated because ??? my fiancé’s last name is just his dad’s too? WTH kind of argument is that? So now I’m keeping it out of spite.”
Still, that doesn’t mean women who do take their partner’s name are doing anything wrong. Far from it (Lucy even made a point to say “no shade” was being thrown at those who do).
For some, sharing a last name feels romantic or symbolically unifying. For others, it’s simply easier for travel, medical paperwork, or raising kids. Couples simply have more options now, so that they can do what’s best for them.
And still, while more and more women are opting out of forgoing their maiden name (particularly millennials and Gen Z), a Pew Research Center survey from 2023 says about 8 in 10 women in opposite-sex marriages do still take their husband’s last name.
Bottom line: there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to modern marriage. For every woman who keeps her name because it's just too badass to part ways with, another happily takes her partner's. Both choices can be equally valid and meaningful.