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Family

One couple's perfect response to people asking when they're going to have kids

Choosing to have kids or not have kids is no one else's decision but yours.

Photo via Carrie Jensen/Imgur, used with permission.

She’s giving birth to a puppy.


"When are you guys going to start having kids?"

Like many couples, Carrie Jansen and her husband Nic had heard this question a million different ways, a million different times.

The pressure really started to mount when the pair, who've been together for eight years, got married three years ago. While Carrie loves kids (she's an elementary school teacher, after all), she and Nic simply aren't interested in having kids of their own. Now or ever.

"It's not what I was meant for," explains Carrie in a Facebook message. "It's like, I love flowers, and everyone loves flowers. But that doesn't mean I want to grow my own. I'm perfectly happy admiring other people's gardens."

Carrie wanted to tell her family that they don't plan on having kids but knew if she did, they'd say something like, "Oh you'll change your mind one day!" and that pesky question would keep rearing its ugly head.

marriage, adults, children, social pressure, pregnancy

Dressed to the nines on their wedding day.

Photo via Carrie Jansen, used with permission.

Rather than continue to deflect the question over and over, Carrie decided to do something a little bit different.

Since the couple was adding another mouth to feed to the family, they decided to announce it with a series of maternity-style photos, revealing the twist: The new addition was a puppy named Leelu, not a baby.

pets, viral, moms, dads, maternity, babies

Look at my newborn baby... puppy.

Photo via Carrie Jensen/Imgur, used with permission.

"My husband and I have been married 3 years and everyone is bugging us about having a baby. Close enough right?" she captioned the photos.

Her pictures went insanely viral, with many of the commenters giving her props for hilariously addressing the dreaded "kids " question.

kids, choices, population, survey

The adorable pup.

Photo via Carrie Jansen, used with permission.

"If you don't want kids, don't have kids. Seriously. Have fun with each other. I had three kids early and it's all about them now," wrote one user. "I wish people would just mind their business raising a kid ain't easy and cheap," wrote another.

"I got my husband a vasectomy for his birthday this year. Best gift ever," chimed in a third.

Carrie was overwhelmed and inspired by the viral response. "Having children is definitely a hot topic, and one that is evolving in this generation like so many other social issues," she says. "It's exciting to find others that feel the same way I do.”

Carrie is hardly alone in not wanting to have kids — in fact, a record number of women are choosing not to have kids today.

In 2014, the U.S. Census Bureau's Current Population Survey found 47.6% of women between age 15 and 44 had never had children, which is the highest percentage on record. Despite the numbers, however, because we still live in a patriarchally-driven society, women regularly face the expectation that they should be mothers, and they often are judged if they decide not to be.

Whether you want to have one kid, five kids, no kids, or a puppy, the choice should be yours and no one else's.

holidays, gifts, woman\u2019s rights, gender equality,

The holiday photo in front of the Christmas tree.

Photo via Carrie Jansen, used with permission.

No one else has the right to put pressure on you to change your body and life in a drastic way. Thankfully, because of women like Carrie — and partners like Nic — who aren't afraid to bring the subject out in the open, the expectations are slowly but surely changing.


This article originally appeared nine years ago.


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Joy

Wholesome exchange between a Black woman and a white man is giving people faith in humanity

A woman named Jo'lee Shine expected the worst when a white man approached her overheated vehicle, but his kindness brought her to tears.

@realbillygotti/Instagram

We need more moments like these.

Of course, racism and hatred are very real issues, and ones that we must discuss in order to make progress. But with all the coverage of people behaving badly flooding our awareness through the media and online, it can be easy to write-off humanity entirely. To believe that the world is inherently a divisive, dangerous and ultimately declining place to live. When in reality, not everything is so bleak.

That’s what makes sharing this story so important.

A Black woman named Jo'lee Shine was stuck in her overheated car in front of a stranger's house, waiting for a tow truck to arrive.

When a white man, the homeowner, began approaching her, Jo'lee immediately started recording the interaction. And thank goodness she did, because this was a moment worth immortalizing.

“I'm so sorry, my car ran hot,” she says in the clip, and begins trying to start the car to prove her situation.

And then, in the sweetest southern accent you ever heard, we hear “don’t try to crank it baby.”

When then hear him offer to put water in the car, made sure Jo'lee had coming to pick her up, and then…wait for it…asked if she wanted lunch.

"We’ll be eating lunch shortly. While we wait on [the tow truck] if we get everything set up I’ll come get you and we’ll have dinner,” he says.

This brings Jo’lee to instant tears. “That was so sweet,” she whimpers.

With a chuckle, the man replies, “that’s the way we are.” he then shared how he just had 22 people over at his house the night before for “a family gathering.”

Jo’lee declines the lunch offer, but profusely thanks the kind stranger as she wipes the tears that continue to fall. Just before he goes, the man says that he’ll check back in, joking that the tow truck “might be delayed” and she might change her mind.

In her caption, Jo’lee wrote, “I wasn’t going to post this, but I wanted people to know that they’re still good people in this world.”

Seems like that mission was accomplished. The video, which has gotten over 176,000 likes on Instagram, gave everyone a little dose of hope. Just take a look at some of these lovely comments:

“This is who we are...it sucks that movies have put fear in people to that level. That makes me sad that there's fear and division keeping us all from sharing love that I KNOW is in all of us.”

“The media works to divide us, don't believe their lies. We love all people.. God Bless.”

"I'll come get you when we get dinner on the table?!!" ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹🔥🔥🔥🔥🙌🙌”

“The way he called you baby without a mean tone in his soul.”

“This renews my faith in humanity. He tried to help her without any thought of race.”

“Just when we think humanity has died, this happens ♥️. Human kindness for the win.”

Indeed, the world has its’ Karens…and even worse characters. But it also has people who invite strangers to dinner, just because it’s a nice thing to do…because it’s the “way they are.” It’s the way a lot of us are, when we let ourselves be.


This article originally appeared last year.

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Joy

Dad shares joyful celebration of America's diversity in his kids' school Parade of Nations

A beautiful reminder of what we can be.

Representative photo credit: Canva

Kids from all around the world call the U.S. home.

It's often been said that the United States is a nation of immigrants, a melting pot, a salad bowl, a mosaic or kaleidoscope of cultures. Since the country's founding, people from around the world have made their way to its shores, some seeking opportunity, some seeking asylum, some by choice and some by force, each adding their own threads to the tapestry of American identity.

Immigration creates greater diversity, and in at least one school in Michigan, students' cultural diversity is being celebrated annually in a joyful Parade of Nations. A dad shared a video after getting back from the event at his kids' school, saying he was "in tears" during it. "Forty-two countries were represented across 200 students, and it was amazing, he said.

Watch:

@thatdadlove

42 countries. One school. One United States of America. This is what diversity looks like. 🌍 While some try to divide us, today was a reminder of what makes us stronger—diversity, representation, inclusion and the power of community. Our kids aren’t just learning about different cultures; they’re growing up surrounded by them. Diversity isn’t a buzzword—it’s the foundation for a better future. Let’s protect it. 💙 #paradeofnations #diversity #diversitymatters #representation #unity #parentingwithpurpose #tiktokpartner

Their beaming faces. The spring in their step. Them wearing the colors of the flags of their countries of origin with pride. The whole crowd cheering each one on. This is such a beautiful reminder of what we can be when we're not operating from a place of prejudice, fear or hate. These kids were all part of the same community, all with a shared identity as part of that community, while also having their different cultural heritage celebrated and honored.

People loved to see the reminder of what our nation can be.

"This is what the US is supposed to look like. We all fam in the club."

"This made me tear up. We really have what it takes to be a great nation but hate won't let us get there. Glad those kiddos had so much fun!"

"Maybe, just maybe, we could see the world through their eyes, rather than our own. We'd have more compassion and handle situations in a more empathetic way."

"This is amazing. Those children will remember this forever. They were ALL seen on that day."

"This made me cry too much because this is what makes America great. The diversity of the people that reside here and the hope of a better future. I needed this today, thank you."

"I'm in full blown sobs, they're all so beautiful!!! Extra love to the solo ones holding it down and representing with so much pride and joy. Endless blessings for the youth."

Maya Angelou Quote GIF by LA vs. HateGiphy

People sometimes say "diversity is our strength," and there's actual research to back that up. Different cultural contexts give people different perspectives and ways of looking a things, and when you put those differences together, incredible things can happen. "Overwhelming evidence suggests that teams that include different kinds of thinkers outperform homogeneous groups on complex tasks, including improved problem solving, increased innovation, and more-accurate predictions—all of which lead to better performance and results when a diverse team is tasked to approach a given problem," write authors of a study on diversity in biomedical research.

Diversity appears to bolster business innovation as well. A study of 1,700 companies by Harvard Business Review found that " indeed there was a statistically significant relationship between diversity and innovation outcomes in all countries examined" and "the more dimensions of diversity were represented, the stronger the relationship was." Additionally, "the most-diverse enterprises were also the most innovative, as measured by the freshness of their revenue mix."

When we actually see diversity as our strength and ensure that diverse perspectives have a seat at the table, everyone wins. As this school reminds us, it's entirely possible to have shared identities and different identities at the same time, and that celebrating diversity makes room for that. The U.S. has always been a nation of immigrants, and the diversity that comes from that is a big part of who we are. Let's embrace it with pride and celebration like these kids have.

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Education

Teacher's rule about 'something you can't change in 30 seconds' is a lesson for all ages

"Your words have power and your words matter."

Natalie Ringold/Instagram

Ms. Natalie Ringold's lesson in kindness has gone viral.

No matter our age, we all want kindness and respect from our peers. No one enjoys being judged or criticized, and negative comments about our appearance sting even if we don't want them to.

Unfortunately, that doesn't always stop people from pointing out things they think we should change about ourselves. Issues like hair shaming and body shaming are all too common, despite greater awareness of the hurt they cause.

Elementary school teacher Natalie Ringold shared a lesson about this phenomenon, and though it's geared toward kids, it's one a lot of grown-ups could take to heart as well.

Holding a tube of toothpaste, Ms. Ringold explained when it's appropriate to say something about someone's appearance and when it's not.

"If somebody can't change something about themselves in 30 seconds or less," she said, "then you shouldn't be mentioning it to them."

She gave examples of things that do take 30 seconds or less, such as if someone's shoe is untied or they have something stuck to their shirt or their fly is unzipped. For those things, it's okay to tell the person (politely, and in private if it's something that might embarrass them to point out in front of other people) so they can fix it.

But if it's something that would take more than 30 seconds to change or isn't even possible to change, like their hairsytle or hair color or body shape, then that's not something you should comment on.

"Your words have power," Ms. Ringold said. Squeezing toothpaste out of the tube, she explained that when you say something about someone that they can't change in 30 seconds or less, it can be hurtful, and just like toothpaste once it's out of the tube, you can't fully take it back once it's out there.

"You try to apologize, you try to take the words back…and you try to undo what you said, undo what you did. But it's something they couldn't change about themselves, and so it get very messy. You can't totally take those words back. You can't totally fix it."

"Your words have power and your words matter," she said. "If you walk out of this room spreading kindness to the people around you, spreading love to the people around you, that is what truly makes a difference."

Ms. Ringold shared that she does this lesson with her students on the last day of school because she wants them to remember this concept for the rest of their lives. People in the comments were so appreciative of the message for all ages.

"I think many adults need to hear this message!"

"Exactly my thoughts. A lot of adults need to hear this too."

"BLESS YOU!!! As a person who was relentlessly racially harassed as a child, I wish this was taught."

"If they are old enough to be mean on purpose they are old enough to be kind on purpose."

"This should be required viewing for anyone who wants to join social media."

"This made me cry. Can I start my college courses with this?"

"I saw you post this and had this conversation with my 4th graders!! It helped so much!!"

Here's to teachers teaching lessons beyond academics, helping kids learn that their humanity matters just as much as their grades.


This article originally appeared last year.

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