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People share subtle, tell-tale signs that someone's genuinely a good person

The "shopping cart theory" still lives.

Photo credit: Canva

Returning a shopping cart can be one subtle sign of a good person.

The world is filled with genuinely good people who care about their fellow human beings and always try to do the kind or honorable thing. Unfortunately, there are also some charlatans out there who may try to convince people they are good when they're not. Grifters, con men, and narcissists can pretend to be kind, loving, or scrupulous, but it's all in service of some selfish motive. So how can you tell the difference?

It's not always clear, especially at first, but there are some subtle indicators that a person's virtues are real and sincere. People shared the tell-tale signs that tell them a person is genuinely good, and it's a helpful list to run through if you find yourself questioning someone's true character.

from AskReddit

They can admit weakness and apologize

"They’re willing to admit when they were wrong or when they don’t know something."

"They authentically apologize when they are wrong or when they make a mistake without anyone asking them to. They can let go of ego for the sake of what is right. On the opposite side of the same coin, they have a forgiving nature."

"They hold themselves accountable for their actions. They apologize and try to make amends. Are willing to learn from their mistakes and misconceptions."

They do the right thing when it's not convenient

"One of my favorite sayings is 'Principles only mean something if you stand up for them when it’s inconvenient.' When people stand up for what’s right at a time when it isn’t convenient, that’s a good person."

"A favorite of mine as well. I’ve always heard it as 'Values aren’t values until they cost you something.'"

"It's easy to be a good person when things are easy. A true good person will remain good when they are angry, or scared, etc. If your morals evaporate under stress, you don't actually have morals."

kindness, helpfulness, good people, good personGoing out of your way to be kind is a sign of a good person.Photo credit: Canva

They're kind when they don't have to be

"They’re polite to people they have authority over."

"This is the one for me. Kind leaders are everything. Imagine if the leaders of the free world operated on this premise."

"They treat people that cannot do anything for them very well."

They speak well of others when they're not around to hear it

"Complimenting people behind their back."

"This is actually big. It’s super easy to gossip about someone behind their back but it’s always refreshing when people just have nice things to say about others even when they aren’t there."

"Or defending someone when someone is gossiping behind their back!"

i like him good guy GIF by Kim's ConvenienceGiphy

They are selflessly and anonymously kind

"They do good things for others without expecting something in return."

"And may I add that they do it without advertising their good deed, nothing on the internet, news paper, discussion with friends. They do it quietly and humbly."

"They do something kind without telling anyone else about it."

They include those who might feel left out

"They fill you in / include you in an existing convo that you’ve just joined."

"They are the one in the group who stops and waits for you while you to tie your shoe or they hold the door as the rest of the group keeps moving."

"When you say something that immediately gets talked over by the rest of the group or wasn't heard, and they make it a point to stop and add on to/ask what you said."

They return shopping carts

"They always put their shopping carts away."

"Returning your shopping cart. There are no laws that say you have to, & there’s no rewards for doing it either, it’s purely an act of selflessness to benefit the people who have to work at the store & take care of the parking lots/carts."

"Shopping cart theory! Is it polite to return the cart? Does it ease the workload of a stranger? Yes! Are we punished if we don't? No! It's a great litmus test for social responsibility."

Are these diehard rules for what makes a good person? No. Are there other things that could be added to this list? Yes. Can animals always tell if a person is good? Maybe. (People were split on that one, mainly because if an animal was mistreated by someone they may naturally fear or dislike a person who looks like their abuser. No fault of the person themselves.) However, this list can give us some clues about people's character and maybe even help us take a look in the mirror and assess our own.

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Joy

Kind thrift store worker finds $5,000 in a donation bag, tracks down the owner to return it

Now, that's a Good Samaritan.

via Angelslover/Pixabay

Clothes on a rack at a thrift store.

Thrift stores are an excellent place for shoppers to get a deal and, occasionally, find something extremely rare that’s worth a lot of money. CBS News reports that the owner of Pick of the Litter thrift store in Burlingame, California, just outside of San Francisco, came across an extraordinary discovery in a bag of donated clothes and did the right thing by giving it back.

Pick of the Litter is a thrift store that sells various second-hand items, including clothes, household items, art, jewelry and watches, books, records and musical instruments.

Oliver Jolis, Pick of the Litter’s owner, was organizing a bag of donated clothes when something unexpected happened. "Money just started falling out," Jolis told CBS News. "It kept falling and falling. I was like, 'This is a decent amount of money here.’”

When Jolis counted up the cash, it came to $5,000. The donor must have put the money in with the clothes for safekeeping and then forgotten.

But instead of pocketing the cash or splitting it with his coworkers, Jolis and the other folks at the thrift store got to work trying to find the person who mistakenly donated the money.

Luckily, they left a clue to their identity in the bag of donated clothes.

Jolis found an old scrap of paper in the bag with car insurance information. The information was enough to track down the person who donated the bag of clothing. They realized it was a woman who regularly donates to the store. The woman told CBS News that she prefers to remain anonymous.

The thrift store staff reached out to her and asked a series of questions to be sure she was the person who dropped off the bag. She passed the test with flying colors.

"I said come on down I've got something for you. She came back, and I gave her $5,000 in a paper bag and said, 'Thank you for supporting us,'" Jolis said. "He could have just put the money in his pocket. Nobody would have known. But he didn't," said the woman who donated the clothes.

​CBS News says that Jolis’ display of kindness is par for the course at the thrift shop, where all proceeds go to the Peninsula Humane Society.

These days, shelter pets in the Bay Area need all the help they can get. The recent moratorium on evictions, mixed with a shaky economy, has forced many to surrender their pets to local shelters. A recent heatwave in the Bay made things even worse. Many dogs that belong to unhoused people suffered burned feet and paws after walking on the hot asphalt and concrete and were surrendered to shelters for treatment.

For Jolis, doing the right thing and returning the money to the woman who accidentally donated it was easy. It was just a case of giving back to someone who had given so much to Pick of the Litter.

"We're grateful for all the donations we get, so it was a win-win," said Jolis.

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Health

New research reveals that most people say they lie to protect others from harm

Is there such thing as the 'virtuous lie?'

Photo by Milk Chan on Unsplash

A study examined the motivations people have for lying.

The ethics of honesty are always interesting to explore. Most of us agree that being honest is morally good, but is it important to always tell the truth, no matter what? What if the truth will only hurt someone's feelings? Is it always wrong to lie? What if a lie will save someone's life? Is there a moral difference between stretching the truth and completely demolishing it? Does it depend on why people are doing it?

The reasons people lie are many and varied, of course. But new research gives us some insights into the most common motivations for lying, and surprisingly, the findings are actually pretty heartwarming.

A study published in the Canadian Journal of Behavioural Science in October 2022 looked at the link between personality and lying motivation, as well as the most common reasons people lie. In the study, a group of 257 people were questioned about their lying frequency, lying motivations and personality traits (using the HEXACO Personality Inventory, which measures honesty-humility, emotionality, extraversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness and openness to experience).

An analysis of the research by Arash Emamzadeh in Psychology Today detailed the findings, which revealed 11 motives for lying:

1. To avoid judgment or shame

2. To avoid punishment

3. Protected from retaliation

4. No "good reason" (basically compulsive lying)

5. To impress others

6. To get a reward

7. Carelessness and impulsiveness

8. To get pleasure out of deceiving people

9. To keep a personal info secret

10. Prosocial reasons that lead to happiness (e.g., telling kids Santa is real)

11. Altruistic reasons (to protect others from harm)

As Emamzadeh pointed out, the first nine motivations on the list are self-serving, while the last two are oriented toward benefiting other people. And while we might assume that most lying is done for selfish reasons, the study actually found the opposite. The top three reasons people reported lying were altruistic reasons, prosocial reasons and avoidance of being judged.

So the biggest reason people lie is to help others. Who knew?

Of course, personality plays a role in why and how often people lie. The study found that lying in general is common, but also found that certain HEXACO personality traits are correlated with more and less frequent lying, as well as different motivations for lying.

People high in the honesty-humility trait were less likely to lie and the majority of lying motivations didn't apply to them. Not surprising.

The emotionality trait (sensitivity/anxiety) was associated with lying to avoid unpleasant or awkward feelings as well as altruism.

Individuals high in extraversion tended to lie more for self-centered reasons and were less likely to lie to keep personal information secret.

Highly agreeable people tended to lie less to avoid punishment or shame or to impress others and also weren't prone to compulsive lying.

Those high in conscientiousness reported lying less frequently and lying less for self-serving reasons, while those low in this trait were more likely to compulsively lie and to enjoy deceiving people.

People most open to new experiences tended to lie for prosocial, others-serving reasons.

Most of the correlations between personality traits and lying are fairly unsurprising, but it is reassuring to know that some behavior and motivation can be predictable.

It's also reassuring to know that most lies aren't as selfish as we might assume they are. Philosophers have long debated the existence and merits of the noble or virtuous lie, and there are compelling arguments for and against lying for morally justifiable reasons. But at the very least, the fact that most lying is done to help others tells us that we are more prone to looking out for one another than we are to serving ourselves. And that's a solid plus one for humanity.

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Wellness

A mom's viral post about her kid interrupting her shower 67 times is a must read

Photo by Hannah Xu on Unsplash, Suka Nasrallah/Facebook

Despite the existence of thousands of parenting books and websites, no one can prepare you for the reality of raising human beings. I've often referred to motherhood as a roller coaster, in which you experience the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, and there's no map to show you what's coming around the bend. And sometimes it's excruciatingly difficult.

I love my children more than I can express, of course. That's a caveat that shouldn't need to be articulated. Unfortunately, it's one that oddly requires defending any time a mom dares to share the hard parts of parenting in an honest, in-the-moment way.

Writer and mother Suka Nasrallah shared a heartfelt Facebook post about her morning shower and how it was interrupted 67 times by one of her children. The post has gone viral, as mothers everywhere see themselves in her words. She wrote:

67 times

He called for me 67 times while I was in the shower

Mind you I started counting half way in, as a way to keep myself calm and not scream back, so surely it was more than 67 times.

But for the sake of transparency, 67 times

67 times I listened to him yell 'mama' and bang on the bathroom door

While I stood under the hot water drowning in my tears because I couldn't bear the sound of his voice anymore and I had no will to reply

I had no will to keep a conversation going while I was in the shower

I had no will to keep a conversation when I desperately needed a few minutes to myself

Because the coffee just didn't do it and it was barely 9 am

Because they had been up since 6:45 that morning shouting demands at me

All I wanted was 10 minutes to myself, but clearly that was too much to ask

67 times

Mama

Mama

Mama

Mama

Mama

67 times that word rang in my ears

This is why mothers are so touched out

This is why we stay awake so late knowing we're going to regret it in the morning

This is why we we are always quick to snap

This is why we are so sensitive

Because we are desensitized

We are numb

We are so beyond worn out

Burnt out

Drained

Struggling

Misunderstood

Being needed all the time is simply draining, and a mother never stops being needed

We have no visible finish line

#thisismotherhood

It has been many years since my own kids pounded on the door while I tried to get two minutes of peace in the bathroom. Now tweens and young adults, they're all sound asleep when I shower, but I remember those early years well. The little kid stage is adorable, but it's a LOT. And it's totally okay for a mom to say, "This moment sucks, I feel like I'm drowning."

And yet, even with many moms chiming in to say, "Yes! I've been there," some Judgey McJudgersons showed up in the comments to rail on this mom for complaining. One gentleman (ahem) even went so far as to lecture her about how motherhood requires dedication, patience, sacrifice, and love as if this mother doesn't know that and isn't hip-deep in all of those things. Others flat out said she was bad at parenting. Some presumably well-meaning but clearly amnesiac parents told her she should enjoy this time because someday she'll miss it.

I'm a parent of older kids and let me tell you I do not miss the shower interruptions and constant neediness of early childhood. I loved the toddler/preschool years for their wonder and innocence and sweetness, but there are parts that you couldn't pay me to relive. It's okay for two things to be true at once. Motherhood can be—and often is—magical and mind-blowingly hard at the same time.

And moms need to be able to vent during the hard times without people questioning their dedication to or love for their children. Nasrallah shared a follow-up post explaining that sharing the raw, real moments when motherhood is challenging doesn't in any way means she doesn't love being a mother.

I feel the need to "back-up" my recent post that has been circulating about my son calling me 67 times in the shower.

Motherhood is terrifying.

You're giving yourself whole to another person; committing to a lifelong relationship.

But somewhere in that fear, somewhere in the exhaustion, somewhere between not having the will to listen to someone calling you mama for another second, and shouting demands at you, and needing you for their survival, you'll catch a glimpse of your baby doing the sweetest thing.

You'll notice how the profile of your baby's face has become less chubby and more defined like that of a toddler.

Somewhere between the mental exhaustion and sleepless nights and these little glimpses, you'll find your heart swelling with a love so deep and so powerful that it quite literally sweeps you off your feet.

And in that exact moment you'll think to yourself, I'd do this 100 times over, just for this moment.

So yes, it's worth every sleepless night, every teething baby, every fever they may spike, every time they holler mama at you until your head is pounding.

At the end of it all, it's so very worth it.

Even when I complain and vent and say I just need to be alone, I still love my children with every ounce of my being, every bone in my body, every breath I take.

Saying I'm struggling does not, in ANY way, shape or form imply that I do not love my children. I adore them and would cross oceans for them in a heart beat.

The follow-up shouldn't have been necessary, though. We've got to stop demanding that mothers either sugarcoat the hard work of raising kids or chase every honest account of difficulty with some version of "but I swear I really do love my kids!"

Motherhood is hella hard. It's okay to say that and let it be a true statement all on its own. It's okay to share the beauty and the difficulty in equal measure. It's okay to let other mothers know they are not alone in their struggles and to let them know they are seen, even when they are staring at the shower wall, exhausted and overwhelmed and alone.

Thank you, Suka Nasrallah, for sharing that slice of truth about motherhood openly and honestly. And hang in there, mamas of little ones. It does get logistically easier. You will have time to yourself. You will sleep through the night. You will be able to use the bathroom uninterrupted.

And it's totally okay to yearn for that time to come, even while holding onto your children's childhoods as long as you can.

For more honest words about motherhood from Suka Nasrallah, check out her upcoming book, "Unfiltered Truths About Motherhood: Captive and Captivated."



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