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Psychologist shares the 5 'core' memories your child will cherish from their childhood

A lot of parents will be surprised by her answers.

via Julia Kuzenkov/Pexels

It doesn't take money to create cherished memories.

There’s a popular trend where parents often share they are creating “core memories” for their children on social media posts, whether it’s planning an elaborate vacation or creating an extra-special holiday moment. While it’s important for parents to want their kids to have happy childhoods, sometimes it feels presumptuous when they believe they can manufacture a core memory. Especially when a child’s inner world is so different than an adult's.

The concept of "core memories" was first introduced in 2015 in Disney's Inside Out. In it, "core memories" are born from moments and experiences that majorly shape a part of the main character, Riley's, personality. The experience(s) can be grand or benign; the point is these moments are ultimately forming Riley into the person she is. Seems pretty hard to manufacture such a moment, but parents are certainly trying.

Carol Kim, a mother of three and licensed Marriage and family Therapist, known as Parenting.Resilience on Instagram, recently shared the “5 Things Kids Will Remember from Their Childhood” on her page. The fascinating insight is that none of the entries had to do with extravagant vacations, over-the-top birthday parties, or Christmas gifts that kids could only dream about.

According to Kim, the five things that kids will remember all revolve around their parents' presence and support. "Notice how creating good memories doesn’t require expensive toys or lavish family trips. Your presence is the most valuable present you can give to your child,” Kim wrote in the post’s caption.

1. Quality time together

"Taking some time to focus only on your child is very special. Playing games, reading books, or just talking can create strong, happy memories. These moments show your child that you are present with them."

2. Words of encouragement

"Encouraging words can greatly impact your child during both good times and tough times. Kids often seek approval from their parents and your positive words can be a strong motivator and source of comfort.... It can help kids believe in themselves, giving them the confidence to take on new challenges and keep going when things get tough."

A mother and child riding a small bike.

Engaging in play is free and impactful.

via Gustavo Fring/Pexels

3. Family traditions

“It creates a feeling of stability and togetherness … Family traditions make children feel like they belong and are part of a larger story, deepening their sense of security and understanding of family identity and values.”

4. Acts of kindness

“Seeing and doing kind things leaves a strong impression on children. It shows them the importance of being kind and caring. They remember how good it feels to help others and to see their parents helping too.”

5. Comfort during tough times

"Knowing they can rely on you during tough times makes them feel secure and build trust. … Comforting them when they're struggling shows them they are loved no matter what, helping them feel emotionally secure and strong."

A family making a meal together.

It's really about quality time and true connection.

via Elina Fairytale/Pexels

Kim’s strategies are all beautiful ways to be present in our children’s lives and to communicate our support. However, these seemingly simple behaviors can be challenging for some parents who are dealing with issues stemming from their pasts.

“If you find barriers to providing these things, it’s important to reflect on why,” Kim writes in the post. “There could be several reasons, such as parenting in isolation (we’re not meant to parent alone), feeling overstimulated, dealing with past trauma, or struggling with mental health. Recognizing these challenges is the first step to addressing them and finding support.”


This article originally appeared last year.

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Humor

Jimmy Fallon asked his viewers why their family is 'weird' and here are 17 of funniest responses

What weird things does your family do?

via "The Tonight Show"/YouTube

Jimmy Fallon #MyFamilyIsWeird.

It’s that time of year again, the holiday season is when we get the pleasure of spending way more time than we’re used to with our families. For those of us who’ve moved away from our immediate families, the holidays are a great time to reacquaint ourselves with old traditions and to realize that some of them may be a little strange.

Every family seems to have its own brand of weirdness. In fact, I wouldn’t trust anyone who says that their family is completely normal. On the, “The Tonight Show” host Jimmy Fallon gave everyone a reason to celebrate their unique families by asking them to share their favorite stories under #MyFamilyIsWeird. The responses were everything from odd holiday traditions to family members that may have a screw (or two!) loose.

Here are 17 of the funniest responses.

1.

Could this be because someone spilled the gravy boat years ago and no one wants to eat dry turkey or potatoes again?

2. 

Now, that's some quick wit.

3.

Do they have to drink the entire six-pack of the "Champagne of Beers" that day, or can they take the leftover bottles home? Also, thinking about starting this tradition with my family. Who fronts the $20?

4.

Let's hope that grandma found the dentures herself.

5.

I see no problem with this as long as there is enough whipped cream to go around.

6.

Nothing good ever came out of a family group text.

7.

That works better than any coathanger or bunny ears that people used back in the day to improve their TV reception. Now, can the Christmas tree pick up HBO?

8.

I wonder how long it took for the family to figure out that she was cheating? Does she also read the last chapter of a mystery novel first?

9.

That has to be freaky, especially if they are taking photos with members of the family that were born in the U.S. and some are smiling and others are not.

10.

Wow. Imagine how annoying her mother gets after she gets a boyfriend and then immediately starts asking for kids and hanging little stockings up by the fireplace.

11.

Eww. Grandma, that's gross. Get your mind out of the gutter.

12.

That had to be a seriously stumpy-looking tree. How in the world did he put a star on top?

13.

Sometimes, the entire family knows. They're just waiting for you to say it.

14.

"Slide, baby, slide! Slide, baby, slide!" – "Tootsie Roll" by 69 Boyz.

15.

Oh no. Voodoo aunt needs to stop. That is totally not in the Christmas spirit.

16.

Does anyone else think this is creepy? This is like a white elephant gift that will never go away.


This article originally appeared three years ago.

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Culture

Have you noticed Christmas decorations going up even earlier this year? Here's why.

Christmas Creep has been around forever, but this year is different.

Scott Schiller/Flickr

Poor Thanksgiving. The phenomenon known as "Christmas Creep" — where early Christmas decorations infringe further and further into Thanksgiving's usual November jurisdiction — has been around for decades, if not centuries. It's not a new idea, with plenty of people entrenched on both sides of the ensuing debate.

But this year is undeniably different. The creep has hit new levels. In my own neighborhood, I noticed more and more people going straight from Halloween decor right into Christmas without even a single buffer day in between. Turns out, a giant Jack Skellington decoration is the perfect bridge between these two holidays!

A jack skellington christmas ornament Photo by Christin Noelle on Unsplash

Why do people seem to decorate earlier and earlier every year? The simple answer is that it makes us happy. Real, scientific studies have suggested that decorating can make you feel happier, so why delay? Hanging string lights and picking out a Christmas tree can make you nostalgic for a happier time, whether that's your childhood or just holidays past. The traditions, sights, sounds, tastes, and smells can transport you and boost your mood.

Even better, putting up your decorations helps build community and get you more socialization, even as the weather gets colder. An impressive Christmas display is an easy conversation starter with neighbors you may not normally speak to much. Add in the fact that Thanksgiving 2024 was about as late as Thanksgiving can get, and you started to get a picture of why people have been so eager to hang the old mistletoe.

That's all well and good. But it doesn't tell the whole story of Christmas decorating in 2024.

The real reason people are decorating earlier than ever? Two words: "Screw it."

snowman in the sand at the beachMelissa Brawner/Flickr

We know that decorating for the holidays can help us feel joy. Similarly, it can help us cope with stress, anxiety, and hard times.

"This year, in particular, the trend of decorating early seems amplified by a collective desire to combat stress and uncertainty," says Dr. Sham Singh, psychiatrist with WINIT Clinic. "People may be seeking the psychological benefits of holiday cheer as a way to counteract lingering societal challenges, such as economic pressures or post-pandemic adjustments."

"The act of decorating can be a small, controllable source of happiness in a world that often feels unpredictable."

Yes, it's safe to say that 2024 has been a rough one for many people. The election was one of the most stressful and consequential in recent memory. That definitely plays a huge role in people searching for joy wherever they can find it. Millions are not only worried about what will happen in the coming months and years, but as a result, families, friendships, and neighborhoods are more fractured than ever.

We've also had a wild run of devastating hurricanes, war, and threats of new epidemics. Professor McGonagall and Darth Vader died this year. Even the astrologists agree that 2024 has been one of the worst and hardest years on record!

"I think this year feels different because people are craving solace, community, and joy more than ever," says Prerna Menon, psychotherapist at Boundless. "The holidays represent hope, warmth, and collectiveness, and for a lot of us, it feels good to hold onto that for a little longer.

Rachel Kay, a marketer in Chicago, summed it up best when she told Vox: “Fuck it, it’s time for twinkles.”

This is almost exactly what my wife and I said when we decided to hang our lights before Thanksgiving for the first time ever. The sentiment was echoed in a recent Reddit thread from November 2024 in which someone asked: "Are people who are decorating for Christmas way too early?"

"We've had an awful year, usually we wait until the first weekend of December to put up decorations, but we put the tree up last night. I'm dreading this Xmas, but my kids need something positive to end the year on," wrote user unbelievablydull82.

"So yesterday I had the Xmas music on whilst cooking, and my wife set up the tree. I usually dislike Xmas decorations up before December, and as a kid we'd wait until mid December at the earliest, but fuck it, life is hideous, so might as well do something fun."

Some people think decorating too early makes Christmas feel less special, and they might be right.

Some years, early Christmas Creep gets a lot of pushback. But this year, most of us seem to be on the same page. If we're not decorating already ourselves, the general sense seems to be to live and let live. Why not let people find a little happiness in the one thing they can actually control?
The risk is that by the time the actual holiday rolls around, we'll all be burnt out on Mariah Carey and sugar cookies and twinkling icicle lights. But you know what? Screw it.
Sounds like a problem we can deal with in 2025!
And as for whether Thanksgiving might eventually get phased out completely, psychotherapist Prerna Menon says not to worry.
"I suspect that at some point into the future, Thanksgiving and Christmas will find their original space again. But for now, just this year, if putting up your tree in October, and your Halloween decorations in August make you happy, then I say - don’t let anyone hold you back!
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Family

Mom shares her 'magic answer' for tough questions about the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus

You can be honest while preserving the magic of childhood.

via KC Davis (used with permission) and Canva/Photos

KC Davis has a stroke of genius.

Most parents will eventually have the moment when they need to tell their kids the truth about the Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny and Santa Claus. However, a big part of the big reveal is determining whether their child is old enough to hear the truth.

Tell them when they’re too young and you’re killing a magical part of childhood. They could also tell their friends and ruin it for them, too. KC Davis, a licensed therapist and popular TikTok mom, had a stroke of genius when her 4-year-old daughter came to her with an important question about the Tooth Fairy. “I think I accidentally discovered my best parenting hack this morning when my 4-year-old asked me if the tooth fairy was real,” Davis, known as @domesticblisters on the platform, opened her video.

Davis is also the author of the bestseller “How to Keep House While Drowning.”

@domesticblisters

This may be my single greatest contribution to Momtok #parenting

As a parent who values honest relationships with her 2 daughters, the question put her in a tough place. “I'm pretty big about answering questions honestly, especially direct questions that my kids ask me, but I also don’t want to spoil magic things for them if they're not ready to move on,” she told her 1.6 million followers.

But Davis was able to come up with an honest response that kept the magic alive for her daughter. “In a stroke of genius, I said, ‘Do you want the magic answer or the grownup answer?’ And she said, ‘The magic answer, please.’ I said, ‘Yes! The tooth fairy is real,’” she continued.



“When my daughter asked me about the Tooth Fairy, my gut just told me, I don't think she really wants to opt out of this yet,” she told Upworthy. “I don’t even think she consciously understands that the grown-up answer means I was going to tell her no. And that's sort of the genius of it; her mind didn’t even really go to that because magic is still such a pull for her, which means she's still at an age where I would be sort of ruining it for her if I told her the ‘truth.’"



Some commenters shared how they handled the question from their kids. “I did the same thing for Santa. My 8 yo said ‘adult’ answer. So I broke the news. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, ‘We’re still going to pretend.’ And then we pretended it never happened,” Kiki wrote. “I remember when my youngest daughter asked my oldest daughter if Santa Claus was real, and my oldest daughter said, ‘It is as real as the Tooth Fairy.’ The youngest daughter smiled contentedly,” SwimBikeRun added.

“I always told my daughter the magic was real as long as she believed. She told me recently (16) that she appreciated that. She never felt lied to and got to enjoy the magic of childhood,” Mamamantha wrote.

Although Davis thinks it’s important to preserve the magic of childhood, she understands why some parents are cautious about being dishonest with their children. “I think every parent needs to make the choice that feels best to them,” she told Upworthy. “I understand not wanting to break your kid's trust, and I think that’s why I liked asking it this way because it still gives kids a choice and they can trust you to respond to what they need and want while allowing you to create the magic.”

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