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Modern Families

Grandma offers wake-up call for grandparents who can't stop buying the grandkids presents

She's got the perfect solution for what to do when you just can't pass up a great deal at the store.

@morethangrand/TikTok
Gift giving should feel good for the giver and the receiver. But around the holidays, it can be a major cause of stress.

Parents and grandparents find themselves at odds frequently. It could be a disagreement over how much screen time the kids get, battles over grandma giving them too many sweets, or arguments around how often grandma and grandpa should be babysitting. Conflict in their relationships is almost a given, and navigating disagreements in a healthy, productive way is key for the relationship to evolve and grow.

One huge source of that conflict comes in the form of... stuff! All parents can relate to the sense of dread they feel at the sight of the grandparents arriving for a visit with a trunk-full of of presents. Toys, furniture, costumes, decor, you name it. And that's just on a regular Tuesday. Around the holidays, it can get even worse. It's not that they don't want their kids getting gifts, it's just all too much, especially when you live in a home with a finite amount of storage.

DeeDee Moore, a grandma behind the website More Than Grand, recently shared on the her TikTok account that “too much stuff” given from grandparents to their grandkids is one of the main sources of holiday frustration for parents.


 gift guide for grandparents, christmas gifts, in law at christmas, grandparents, parents, kids, family, love Moore says experience gifts, and spending quality time, are better options than trunk-loads of presents.  Photo by Christian Bowen on Unsplash  

“75% of the parents that we surveyed wished grandparents would respect their wishes about gifts,” she explained, noting that while there are myriad reasons why this would be the case, the most common one (and incidentally the one most "waved off” by the grandparents) is the lack of physical space to accommodate.

Now, you might be thinking: How much harm can it really do to give a kid a new card game or a baby doll? Certainly those don't take up that much room. But when Moore breaks down the math, it’s a bit hard to deny.

“Say your grandson has four other grandparents and four aunts and uncles. Each of these people get him one gift for a second birthday. That’s already nine gifts plus something for mom and dad. We’re up to 10,” she said.

“If all of those grandparents buy him three things, and two of the aunts get him a little extra something, that’s 22 presents for a 2 year old who would be just as happy with a box.”

Add in gifts from friends, and random gift-dumps from grandma when she's been on a hot-streak at the thrift store, and you've got a serious storage problem on your hands.

@morethangrand

Gifts should be a joy for both the giver and recipient, but at this time of year, they can end up being a source of conflict. Watch for a tip on how to channel your grandparent generosity! For more ways to navigate hotspots during upcoming holidays, make sure you are on our email list! Go to my bio to sign up! #grandparents #grandparent #CommunicationTips #GrandparentsLove #AdultChildren #NewGrandparent #newgrandma#newgrandparents #newgrandma #Grandparenting #grannytok #HealthyBoundaries #Boomer #EffectiveCommunication #GentleGrandparenting

Yikes, gotta admit that’s a lot. And that’s not counting the additional problems too much gift-giving can incite listed on the More Than Grand website, which included:

  • Undermining the parent’s values that they are trying to instill to their children
  • Damaging a child’s ability to use their imagination
  • Normalizing overconsumption
  • Teaching children to associate seeing grandma or grandpa with getting a gift, rather than focusing on the actual relationship
(Here's another one: Too many gifts steals Mom and Dad's thunder! Parents often put a lot of thought into picking out presents they know their kids will love, only for them to get buried in the avalanche of surprise presents.)

These are all good points, and yet, what to do with all those good intentions and a desire to spoil some precious little nugget? Luckily, Moore has the perfect fix.

“While your grandchildren are faced with getting too many gifts, many children are in the opposite situation. Take some of the things you bought to Toys for Tots or another organization that provides gifts for less fortunate families.”

This allows folks to step into the “true spirit of giving,” Moore concluded.

Viewers by and large seemed to agree, though many also noted how powerful experiential or future-building gifts could be, even if they're not as cute as toys or as fun to open.


@morethangrand

How often do we hear "it takes a village to raise a child'? Grandparents can be that village, but it can be hard to show up the way today's parents need. We created a digital grandparenting course that will teach you everything you need to know to be the village for your grandchild's parents. It's called New Grandparent Essentials, and you can find a link in my profile! It's the best investment you can make in your family as you become a grandparent! #grandparents #grandparent #CommunicationTips #GrandparentsLove #AdultChildren #NewGrandparent #newgrandparents #newgrandma #Grandparenting #grannytok #HealthyBoundaries #Boomer #EffectiveCommunication #GentleGrandparenting

“My in-laws opened up a college fund for both my kids. Instead of stuff they put more money in the account. I’m so grateful!” one person wrote.

Another added, “I am giving experiences and putting money in an account for future needs (college, 1st house, starting business, etc).”

In the vein, here are two other tips grandparents can use for intentional gift-giving…

First and foremost: open up a discussion with the parents. See if they need help with a big ticket item, find out which hobby or sport the child is interested in, ask what’s a definite “no.” this can save a lot of headaches for everyone.

"The gifts should surprise the grandkids, not their parents," as one commenter wrote on the video.

Second: prioritize memories over stuff. A trip to the zoo, an education membership, a ticket for two to the movies…these are often the gifts that truly keep on giving.

And grandparents, don’t forget: just because you’re honoring boundaries, it doesn't mean you have to pass up that sweet little something you see in the aisles. After all, shopping is fun, and it's even better when you find a great deal or a cool discovery. But it can easily go to a little one who could really use it.

For even more tip on all things grandparenting, give More Than Grand a follow here.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.


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Joy

German holiday ad depicting two girls separated by invisible barriers hits home

A hauntingly beautiful message for our polarized times.

Photo credit: Deutsche Telekom/YouTube

"Bubbles," a holiday ad by Deutsche Telekom

Most advertisements are purposefully obnoxious or annoying in some way, designed to grab our attention in order to sell us a good or service. But occasionally a commercial comes along to accomplish that same goal but in a more thoughtful way, with artistic beauty and a heartfelt message that taps into our humanity. Are such ads still trying to sell us something? Of course. Does that mean the people behind those ads aren't sincere in the messages they're trying to convey? Not necessarily, which is why people around the world are celebrating a 2-minute holiday spot from a German telecom company.

The ad from Deutsche Telekom, the parent company of T-Mobile, plays more like a short film than a commercial. As a version of "Shchedryk" (the Ukrainian folk song that gave us the melody for "Carol of the Bells) plays, we see two girls around middle school age, one dressed in red with a pointy nose and the other in blue with pointy ears, forming a friendship despite the panes of glass that separate them. The scene alternates between the joy of playing together and the clear message that their elders don't want them interacting with one another. The girls are determined, but they eventually see how limiting the glass walls between them are. The reveal of their gifts to one another at the end is hauntingly beautiful, with a powerful message.

Watch "Bubbles":

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Breaking down barriers is a classic message but one that feels incredibly timely for our highly polarized present. The ad feels like it makes a subtle allusion to the Berlin wall, but the walls that separate these girls are perfectly transparent. They can see into each other's worlds, but can't get past what's separating them. The way they see the problem but feel powerless to change it feels like a fitting metaphor for today's divisions, as do the bubbles that surround the girls and their communities preventing them from fully communicating with one another.

People found the video surprisingly moving.

"It's the invisible wall that people build between each other because of perceived differences...nationality, religion, sexual orientation and how they perpetuate it by passing it on to their children."

"The innocent and non-judgemental minds and hearts of children - so much that adults could learn from them!"

"Isn't amazing how it takes innocent children to take down the walls put in place by adults."

"It shows that governments and small minded people cannot keep people apart forever. They can keep us apart for awhile but the human spirit does survive in spite of governments and small minded people."

"Heart wrenching, and joy inducing all in one ad."

"A knockout Christmas ad with a profound message for our time... Wunderbar!"

"Blue, red. This ad has me crying. I am struggling here in the USA. Merry Christmas to all around the world!"

The tagline for the ad on the YouTube share reads, "Connections Begin When Barriers Break. ❤️💙" Though the ad comes from Germany, the song lyrics being sung in English and the red and blue colors can easily be seen as pointing to American politics (which arguably impacts much of the world in direct and indirect ways). It's a good reminder that so much of what divides us are invisible barriers we've created and grown to identify with. Seeing those things through the eyes of children helps highlight how absurd it is to wall ourselves off from one another due to differences—an age-old human habit of prejudice that only leads to more misunderstandings and suffering. It might seem scary to shatter the bubbles we've built around ourselves, but when we do, we may find that what's on the other side isn't nearly as scary or awful as we've been led to believe.

May we all find ways to break down barriers and embrace the joy of friendship in this season of goodwill.

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Humor

Jimmy Fallon asked his viewers why their family is 'weird' and here are 17 of funniest responses

What weird things does your family do?

via "The Tonight Show"/YouTube

Jimmy Fallon #MyFamilyIsWeird.

It’s that time of year again, the holiday season is when we get the pleasure of spending way more time than we’re used to with our families. For those of us who’ve moved away from our immediate families, the holidays are a great time to reacquaint ourselves with old traditions and to realize that some of them may be a little strange.

Every family seems to have its own brand of weirdness. In fact, I wouldn’t trust anyone who says that their family is completely normal. On the, “The Tonight Show” host Jimmy Fallon gave everyone a reason to celebrate their unique families by asking them to share their favorite stories under #MyFamilyIsWeird. The responses were everything from odd holiday traditions to family members that may have a screw (or two!) loose.

Here are 17 of the funniest responses.

1.

 

Could this be because someone spilled the gravy boat years ago and no one wants to eat dry turkey or potatoes again?

2. 

 

Now, that's some quick wit.

3.

 

Do they have to drink the entire six-pack of the "Champagne of Beers" that day, or can they take the leftover bottles home? Also, thinking about starting this tradition with my family. Who fronts the $20?

4.

 

Let's hope that grandma found the dentures herself.

5.

 

I see no problem with this as long as there is enough whipped cream to go around.

6.

 

Nothing good ever came out of a family group text.

7.

 

That works better than any coathanger or bunny ears that people used back in the day to improve their TV reception. Now, can the Christmas tree pick up HBO?

8.

 

I wonder how long it took for the family to figure out that she was cheating? Does she also read the last chapter of a mystery novel first?

9.

 

That has to be freaky, especially if they are taking photos with members of the family that were born in the U.S. and some are smiling and others are not.

10.

 

Wow. Imagine how annoying her mother gets after she gets a boyfriend and then immediately starts asking for kids and hanging little stockings up by the fireplace.

11.

 

Eww. Grandma, that's gross. Get your mind out of the gutter.

12.

 

That had to be a seriously stumpy-looking tree. How in the world did he put a star on top?

13.

 

Sometimes, the entire family knows. They're just waiting for you to say it.

14.

 

"Slide, baby, slide! Slide, baby, slide!" – "Tootsie Roll" by 69 Boyz.

15.

 

Oh no. Voodoo aunt needs to stop. That is totally not in the Christmas spirit.

16.

 

Does anyone else think this is creepy? This is like a white elephant gift that will never go away.


This article originally appeared three years ago.

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Culture

Have you noticed Christmas decorations going up even earlier this year? Here's why.

Christmas Creep has been around forever, but this year is different.

Scott Schiller/Flickr

Poor Thanksgiving. The phenomenon known as "Christmas Creep" — where early Christmas decorations infringe further and further into Thanksgiving's usual November jurisdiction — has been around for decades, if not centuries. It's not a new idea, with plenty of people entrenched on both sides of the ensuing debate.

But this year is undeniably different. The creep has hit new levels. In my own neighborhood, I noticed more and more people going straight from Halloween decor right into Christmas without even a single buffer day in between. Turns out, a giant Jack Skellington decoration is the perfect bridge between these two holidays!

A jack skellington christmas ornament Photo by Christin Noelle on Unsplash

Why do people seem to decorate earlier and earlier every year? The simple answer is that it makes us happy. Real, scientific studies have suggested that decorating can make you feel happier, so why delay? Hanging string lights and picking out a Christmas tree can make you nostalgic for a happier time, whether that's your childhood or just holidays past. The traditions, sights, sounds, tastes, and smells can transport you and boost your mood.

Even better, putting up your decorations helps build community and get you more socialization, even as the weather gets colder. An impressive Christmas display is an easy conversation starter with neighbors you may not normally speak to much. Add in the fact that Thanksgiving 2024 was about as late as Thanksgiving can get, and you started to get a picture of why people have been so eager to hang the old mistletoe.

That's all well and good. But it doesn't tell the whole story of Christmas decorating in 2024.

The real reason people are decorating earlier than ever? Two words: "Screw it."

snowman in the sand at the beachMelissa Brawner/Flickr

We know that decorating for the holidays can help us feel joy. Similarly, it can help us cope with stress, anxiety, and hard times.

"This year, in particular, the trend of decorating early seems amplified by a collective desire to combat stress and uncertainty," says Dr. Sham Singh, psychiatrist with WINIT Clinic. "People may be seeking the psychological benefits of holiday cheer as a way to counteract lingering societal challenges, such as economic pressures or post-pandemic adjustments."

"The act of decorating can be a small, controllable source of happiness in a world that often feels unpredictable."

Yes, it's safe to say that 2024 has been a rough one for many people. The election was one of the most stressful and consequential in recent memory. That definitely plays a huge role in people searching for joy wherever they can find it. Millions are not only worried about what will happen in the coming months and years, but as a result, families, friendships, and neighborhoods are more fractured than ever.

We've also had a wild run of devastating hurricanes, war, and threats of new epidemics. Professor McGonagall and Darth Vader died this year. Even the astrologists agree that 2024 has been one of the worst and hardest years on record!

"I think this year feels different because people are craving solace, community, and joy more than ever," says Prerna Menon, psychotherapist at Boundless. "The holidays represent hope, warmth, and collectiveness, and for a lot of us, it feels good to hold onto that for a little longer.

Rachel Kay, a marketer in Chicago, summed it up best when she told Vox: “Fuck it, it’s time for twinkles.”

This is almost exactly what my wife and I said when we decided to hang our lights before Thanksgiving for the first time ever. The sentiment was echoed in a recent Reddit thread from November 2024 in which someone asked: "Are people who are decorating for Christmas way too early?"

"We've had an awful year, usually we wait until the first weekend of December to put up decorations, but we put the tree up last night. I'm dreading this Xmas, but my kids need something positive to end the year on," wrote user unbelievablydull82.

"So yesterday I had the Xmas music on whilst cooking, and my wife set up the tree. I usually dislike Xmas decorations up before December, and as a kid we'd wait until mid December at the earliest, but fuck it, life is hideous, so might as well do something fun."

Some people think decorating too early makes Christmas feel less special, and they might be right.

Some years, early Christmas Creep gets a lot of pushback. But this year, most of us seem to be on the same page. If we're not decorating already ourselves, the general sense seems to be to live and let live. Why not let people find a little happiness in the one thing they can actually control?
The risk is that by the time the actual holiday rolls around, we'll all be burnt out on Mariah Carey and sugar cookies and twinkling icicle lights. But you know what? Screw it.
Sounds like a problem we can deal with in 2025!
And as for whether Thanksgiving might eventually get phased out completely, psychotherapist Prerna Menon says not to worry.
"I suspect that at some point into the future, Thanksgiving and Christmas will find their original space again. But for now, just this year, if putting up your tree in October, and your Halloween decorations in August make you happy, then I say - don’t let anyone hold you back!
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