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People are in disbelief learning how many moms literally daydream about being hospitalized

It's a real phenomenon.

Canva, @emilykmay/X

woman lying in a hospital bed looking out the window

It's hard to explain the relentless intensity of having young children if you haven't done it. It's wonderful, beautiful, magical and all of that—it truly is—but it's a lot. Like, a lot. It's a bit like running an ultramarathon through the most beautiful landscape you can imagine. There's no question that it's amazing, but it's really, really hard. And sometimes there are storms or big hills or obstacles or twisted ankles or some other thing that makes it even more challenging for a while.

Unfortunately, a lot of moms feel like they're running that marathon alone. Some actually are. Some have partners who don't pull their weight. But even with an equal partner, the early years tend to be mom-heavy, and it takes a toll. In fact, that toll is so great that it's not unusual for moms to fantasize about being hospitalized—not with anything serious, just something that requires a short stay—simply to get a genuine break.

moms, motherhood, exhaustion, parenting, parentingAn exhausted mom looks at her laptop while kids play in the backgroundImage via Canva

In a thread on X (formerly Twitter), a mom named Emily shared this truth: "[I don't know] if the lack of community care in our culture is more evident than when moms casually say they daydream about being hospitalized for something only moderately serious so that they are forced to not have any responsibilities for like 3 days."

In a follow-up tweet, she added, "And other moms are like 'yeah totally' while childfree Gen Z girls’ mouths hang open in horror."

Other moms corroborated, not only with the fantasy but the reality of getting a hospital break:

"And can confirm: I have the fondest memories of my appendicitis that almost burst 3 weeks after my third was born bc I emergency had to go get it taken out and I mean I let my neighbor take my toddlers and I let my husband give the baby formula, and I slept until I was actually rested. Under the knife, but still. It was really nice," wrote one mom.

"I got mastitis when my first was 4 months old. I had to have surgery, but my hospital room had a nice view, my mom came to see me, the baby was with me but other people mostly took care of her, bliss," shared another.


motherhood, moms, babies, exhaustion, mental healthAn exhausted mom holds her newborn babyImage via Canva

Some people tried to blame lackadaisical husbands and fathers for moms feeling overwhelmed, but as Emily pointed out, it's not always enough to have a supportive spouse. That's why she pointed to "lack of community care" in her original post.


They say it takes a village to raise a child, but it also takes a village to raise a mother. Without the proverbial village, we end up bearing too much of the weight of childrearing ourselves. We're not just running the ultramarathon—we're also carrying the water, bandaging the blisters, moving fallen trees out of the way, washing the sweat out of our clothes—and we're doing it all without any rest.

Why don't moms just take a vacation instead of daydreaming about hospitalization? It's not that simple. Many people don't have the means for a getaway, but even if they do, there's a certain level of "mom guilt" that comes with purposefully leaving your young children. Vacations usually require planning and decision-making as well, and decision fatigue is one of the most exhausting parts of parenting.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Strange as it may seem, the reason hospitalization is attractive is that it's forced—if you're in the hospital, you have to be there, so there's no guilt about choosing to leave. It involves no decision-making—someone else is calling the all shots. You literally have no responsibilities in the hospital except resting—no one needs anything from you. And unlike when you're on vacation, most people who are caring for your kids when you're in the hospital aren't going to constantly contact you to ask you questions. They'll leave you to let you rest.

Paula Fitzgibbons shares that had three kids under the age of 3 in 11 months (two by adoption and one by birth). Her husband, despite being very involved and supportive, had a 1.5 hour commute for work, so the lion's share of childcare—"delightful utter chaos" as she refers to it—fell on her shoulders. At one point, she ended up in the ER with atrial fibrillation, and due to family medical history was kept in the hospital for a few days for tests and monitoring.

"When people came to visit me or called to see how I was, I responded that I was enjoying my time at 'the spa,' and though I missed my family, I was soaking it all in," she tells Upworthy. "My husband understood. Other mothers understood. The medical staff did not know what to make of my cheerful demeanor, but there I was, lying in bed reading and sleeping for four straight days with zero guilt. What a gift for a new mom."

moms, motherhood, mental health, exhaustion, relaxing, relaxation A mom relaxing in a chairImage via Canva

When you have young children, your concept of what's relaxing shifts. I recall almost falling asleep during one of my first dental cleanings after having kids. That chair was so comfy and no one needed anything from me—I didn't even care what they were doing to my teeth. It felt like heaven to lie down and rest without any demands being made of me other than "Open a little wider, please."

Obviously, being hospitalized isn't ideal for a whole host of reasons, but the desire is real. There aren't a lot of simple solutions to the issue of moms needing a real break—not just an hour or two, but a few days—but maybe if society were structured in such a way that we had smaller, more frequent respites and spread the work of parenting across the community, we wouldn't feel as much of a desire to be hospitalized simply to be able to be able to rejuvenate.

This article originally appeared three years ago.

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moms
Health

Is 98.6 still the 'normal' body temperature? Woman with fever sparks viral debate

There are a few reasons why we should be aiming lower.

Photo credit: Canva

Is everything we learned in elementary school wrong?!

Ask anyone what the "normal" human body temperature is, and you’ll likely get the same answer—98.6. That’s the number we were told in elementary school, and that’s the number we’ve been running with ever since. Except, many of us begin to feel icky at much lower temperatures, so should 98.6 still be the golden standard? Where did this number even come from?

These were the questions that suddenly took up real estate in a woman named Jenna’s brain while she was ill last January. As she explained in a clip posted to TikTok (from bed, clearly sick as a dog, I might add) she was feeling “horrible” with a temperature of only 99.1.

Jenna’s confusion led her to doing a bit of research where she discovered that the “average” number of 98.6 came from a study done way back in 1860. The study she referred to was conducted by German physician Carl Reinhold August Wunderlich, who measured the armpit temperatures of around 25,000 people and calculated the average to be 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit.

@jennjenbean Anyone else feel like their face is burning and they are just feeling icky when their temperature is in the 90s and below 100°?
♬ original sound - Jenna

Wunderlich’s mean body temperature has since been dubbed “not flawed,” but outdated by Julie Parsonnet, who led a newer study at Stanford Medicine that found normal body temperature actually ranged from 97.3°F and 98.2°F, suggesting that 98.6 is now too high.

As Jenna also cited in her video, Parsonnet and the other researchers at Stanford surmise that this drop could be due to a variety of factors, such as advances in medical treatments (for example, in the 1860s, many people had chronic infections that couldn’t be treated, which would have affected temperatures) better hygiene, greater availability of food, and improved living standards, etc. But the major contribution seems to be that inflammation levels are lower, which would rev up metabolism and, subsequently, body temperature.

Honestly, it’s no wonder that Jenna—and others who watched her video—had much lower thresholds. As one viewer commented, “My normal is 97.6. If I get to 99 I definitely feel sick, anything over 100 and I can’t get out of bed.”

Another echoed, “I’m usually around 96 something, so 98 is a fever for me.”

Perhaps the biggest takeaway here is that there’s barely a “standard” at all. Sex, age, weight, height, and time of day all determine what’s considered "normal." And if you’re curious what your personal normal temperature is, Parsonnet created a nifty calculator found here.

This is also a case for really knowing your own body. Sure, a fever is still a telltale sign of illness, but since you can be sick without having a high temperature, it’s important to note what symptoms you’re experiencing, and, of course, to consult a doctor if you think something isn't right.

Even the most sound prevailing wisdom might lose its efficacy over time. After all, the world constantly changes, and we change along with it. This is just one of those things where what was taught to us as kids doesn't necessarily apply anymore. And while this might not be the hottest trivia to pull out at parties, it’s still interesting to know how times have indeed changed.

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life
Love Stories

A husband took these photos of his wife and captured love and loss beautifully.

I feel as if I were right there with them as I looked through the photos.

Snuggles.

When I saw these incredible photos Angelo Merendino took of his wife, Jennifer, as she battled breast cancer, I felt that I shouldn't be seeing this snapshot of their intimate, private lives. The photos humanize the face of cancer and capture the difficulty, fear, and pain that they experienced during the difficult time.

But as Angelo commented: "These photographs do not define us, but they are us."

empathy, human condition, health

Having a cold one.

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relationships, love, connection

Bed hugs.

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cancer, compassion, connection

A challenging journey.

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medicine, treatment, insurance

The doctor’s office.

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sleeping, family, society

Cozy sheets.

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hair, radiation, treatments

Hair falling out.

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side effects, humanity, reproductive rights

Shaving the hair off.

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bald, emotional challenges, fear

Sitting in the window.

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assisted walking, wa

Sunny day on the sidewalk

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stress, anxiety, human condition

A moment.

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moms, daughters, touches

Compassion touches in the car.

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pets, companions, malignancy

Pets for comfort.

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ocean, beach, floating

Floating in the ocean.

celebrations, friendship, aging

Birthday celebration.

depression, disease, sickness

A time to rest.

patient, doctor, quiet

​Getting more treatment

hospital room, chemo therapy, chemo

Family present.

tolerance, quiet, peac

Thoughts in a hospital room.

contact, relationship, allies

A loving hand.

ambulance, life expectancy, friends

An ambulance trip.

nurses, hospice workers, funny

A little smirk.

health, contentedness, blessings

Home again.

sorrow, sadness, peace

Last rights.

anguish, heartache, misery

An empty bed.

funeral, funeral procession, grief

A lonely road.

pain, loss

“I loved it all."

This article originally appeared twelve years ago.

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Health

NYT games like Wordle and Connections are good for cognitive health, with one big caveat

How you feel about doing them matters more than you might think.

Photo credit: Canva (left) Screenshot of completed Wordle game via NYT app (right)

Millions of people enjoy NYT Games puzzles like Wordle.

Every morning, I sit down with my cup of coffee, open up the New York Times Games app on my phone, and do the Wordle, Connections, Strands, and Mini-Crossword, in that order. As I complete each game, I send my results to the "Puzzle Pals Gang" group chat I have with some friends and family. We compare. We gloat. We trash talk. We congratulate. It's a delightful routine.

And we're not the only ones. According to the New York Times, there were 4.8 billion plays of Wordle, 2.3 billion plays of Connections, and 8 billion game and puzzle plays total in 2023. A whole lot of people love their brain games.

I like to think I'm benefiting from a nice little brain workout when I do those puzzles, but am I really? According to Mark Alberts, MD, chief of neurology at Hartford Hospital and co-physician-in-chief at the Ayer Neuroscience Institute, I probably am—but that doesn't mean everyone else is.

"These sorts of brain exercises can be very helpful for improving your ability to think and remember,” Alberts says, but that's only true if you're someone who actually likes and enjoys doing them. People who find the games fun can enjoy a boost in memory, attention and other cognitive functions. But for those who just find them stressful or frustrating, the cognitive benefit doesn't outweigh the negative impacts.

“Sure, crossword puzzles and Sudoku could be fun for some people. But if they’re distressing to you—or just not fun—they won’t be beneficial,” says Dr. Alberts.

puzzle write GIFGiphy

As someone who loves games and puzzles, I'm surely reaping the cognitive benefits. Someone who gets super stressed out by them would not, but that doesn't mean there aren't other ways for people who don't enjoy games to give their own brains a boost.

“Emotional well-being has a huge impact on cognition, so it’s important to choose activities that give you joy,” says Dr. Alberts. “Find a different hobby. Take a class. Teach a class! Keep learning in other ways.”

And, of course, there's not widespread agreement on the degree to which these games are helpful to brain health, either. Susanne Jaeggi, a professor with the Center for Cognitive and Brain Health at Northeastern University, says that the games being good for brains question isn't that simple.

“There are a lot of different things that contribute to our brain health," Jaeggi says. "As long as you’re doing something that keeps your brain engaged and fit, that could potentially be helpful to prevent age-related cognitive decline. Whether it’s exactly these games, that’s an open question, because a lot of these are new and there’s not a lot of (research) out there.”

A big question people have is whether games can help ward off age-related cognitive issues and dementia diseases. While Alberts says there’s no evidence for brain games preventing or delaying the onset of dementia, certain games do utilize cognitive functions that tend to diminish with age. “Fluid functions” like problem-solving, processing speed, and working memory tend to wane as we age, and some of the NTY Games puzzles force your brain to perform those functions.

A study published in NEJM EvidenceNEJM Evidence found some evidence that crossword puzzles can have a positive impact on aging brains. The study found that people age 62 to 80 with mild memory problems who played web-based crossword puzzles showed improved cognition and less brain shrinkage than to those who played web-based cognitive games.

However, crossword puzzles largely draw on things we already know, which is different than making our brains do something new or solve problems. “All your knowledge that you accumulate as a result of expertise and education, these are skills that remain as we age,” Jaeggi said. “Things like crossword puzzles that have you retrieve this accumulated knowledge, that’s not typically something that declines with age.”

One way to keep our brains sharp as we age is to try new things, and games can be a part of that. “What seems to be the case is that if you learn new skills and they’re challenging at whatever level of challenge is appropriate for you, then you see benefits,” said Art Kramer, psychology professor and director for Northeastern University's Center for Cognitive and Brain Health. “So if you’ve never done crossword puzzles or you’ve never played (Sudoku), that might be of benefit to you.”

Novel and enjoyable seem to be the key, so if games are your thing and you want to reap the benefits, enjoy the puzzles you love but also try some new ones once in a while.

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