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People were challenged to share the last time they 'achieved' something outside of work

If it's been a while, here are some examples to inspire you and give your mental health a big boost.

Photo by Tim Gouw on Unsplash

There's a fascinating idea in psychology called "enmeshment." Essentially, it's when two people or things mesh together, the boundaries between them becoming blurred.

This can happen in families, romantic relationships, and even your career! People who work long hours or have demanding careers can be at risk of losing sight of their independent sense of self. They can almost literally forget that they have an identity outside of work. It can happen in school, too, for people who are overly driven by academic achievement.

It should go without saying, but this is generally a bad thing. Enmeshment in career or academics can lead to anxiety, depression, and have adverse effects on your relationships.

Plus, it's just no fun. All work and no play...

A recent thread on AskReddit challenged this phenomenon with the question: What is your biggest non-academic, non work-related accomplishment?

If you're like me, you probably had to stop and think for a minute before coming up with something. Which should maybe be a warning sign that we could all use a little more balance.

Some of the non-work accomplishments people shared were staggering.

A few superhumans among us found time to run marathons and otherwise push the limits of what humans can achieve.

All while holding down schoolwork and jobs!

man on top of the mountain during daytime Photo by Kalen Emsley on Unsplash

I'm not sure it counts as an accomplishment, but I bicycled across the US from Bar Harbor, Maine to Seattle, Washington - cochese25

My eldest child was diagnosed with classic autism when he was 18 months old. My ex husband and I were told he would never talk, never walk and never toilet himself it was so severe. 16 years later after utilising all therapy and taking years off work focusing on him. He is off to university next year on a full scholarship studying bio-medical science and physics. I am so proud of the work we did together to get him here. - notjustanotherdino

Hiking all 2,356 miles of the Pacific Crest Trail - jebrennan

I transitioned from female to male. 3 years later I’m still so happy that I did that for myself. - eclecticevergreen

My band supported Everclear and we played a great show to a full house in Australia - just_yall

But, if you ask me, the tiny goals people shared were even more inspiring.

Almost everywhere you look, there's an opportunity to do something just for you.

person holding jigsaw puzzle piece Photo by Ross Sneddon on Unsplash

Learning how to swim as an adult. It took me about 6 months to learn and I'm now able to swim confidently in the pool. - moon_jewel90

Over 300 days in a row of at least 10 minutes of meditation. - fast-artichoke-7512

That my wife and I have been married for over 30 years and she hasn't killed me yet. - dreadpirategriswold

Some of the achievements were really, really small.

I have 3 subscribers on youtube :) - armadillo_active

Completed a 5000 piece puzzle. - ritaredditonce

But, hey, they still count!

How to come up with goals to pursue outside of work and school

As we can see, it could be anything, big or small. Any achievement at all that you can make time for is worth being proud of — and is a great investment in your mental wellness.

But "anything" is an overwhelming concept. So here's somewhere to start.

Jeffrey Davis, a workplace culture expert, suggests a framework called LOW goals — Life Outside of Work.

He writes that the best goals are "down-to-earth, grounded, and achievable" and advises to start with ideas that are based on:

  • Connection
  • Openness & Creativity
  • or Curiosity
You could also try pushing yourself physically (getting to the gym) or mentally (solo-ing the New York Times crossword puzzle).

And remember, there's no Win too small to count!

Whatever you do, it's important to think about what brings you happiness and what your values are, and then come up with a way to better live those values. That's how a strong sense of self is created.

While the average American technically works fewer hours than we did several decades ago, we're rarely fully unplugged. Finding time to pursue our goals and hobbies without distraction is harder to come by than ever, which also means it's never been more important.

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Study shows people with these 5 personality traits are more satisfied in life.

The surprising findings are a bit of a good news/bad news situation.

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If you were to try to pinpoint the things that might lead someone to say they're satisfied with their life, there might be a few obvious choices.

Things like having fulfilling relationships, an enjoyable career, good physical health, and a decent salary seem like a good starting point.

But while all of those things definitely play a role in how happy we are, a new study shows that there are much bigger factors at play — and that they come entirely from within.

A new study shows that people with certain personality types and traits are more likely to be satisfied with their lives.

A meta-analysis published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology revealed some fascinating insights about the long-studied realm of Life Satisfaction — which seems like a super important thing to get to the bottom of!

Regardless of what was going on in someone's relationships or career, researchers were able to predict with a high level of accuracy someone's satisfaction level based on their scores in the Big Five personality domains.


woman in black and white tank top Photo by Caique Nascimento on Unsplash

The characteristics people shared that lead to a higher likelihood of them being satisfied were:

  • Emotionally stable
  • Extroverted
  • Conscientious
  • Agreeable
  • Open

(Openness and agreeableness were correlated with high satisfaction, but less so than the other traits.)

Data was collected twice over a ten year period, and researchers found that people who were highly satisfied tended to stay that way — providing even more evidence that outside circumstance, which naturally ebbs and flows through the years, didn't play a large role.

Some feelings and traits that were highly correlated with feeling low satisfaction were "misunderstood, unexcited, indecisive, envious, bored, used, unable, and unrewarded" according to the study.

The findings could seem like bad news for people who feel they might score the opposite way in the Big Five. As an introvert myself, I have to admit my heart sank a bit when I saw the list. But don't worry, there's plenty of hopes for all of us.

The good news is that personality can change over time, and it's quite common for people to see big changes in the "Big Five" personality traits as they age.


woman taking photo while showing smile Photo by Gabriel Silvério on Unsplash

Even if you're a closed-minded, emotionally unstable introvert, that doesn't mean you're doomed to a lifetime of dissatisfaction. It's just a correlation. There are lots of happy people on all ends of the spectrum.
And better yet, our personalities can and will change over time, especially if we want them to.

In particular, becoming more conscientious and agreeable as you get older is quite common! Changes in some personality traits even continue into our sixties and beyond.

You can even become more extraverted over time, if you're motivated to do so. It doesn't seem super fair, but the modern world is definitely biased toward making extroverts feel comfortable (especially in America), so it makes sense that introverts may need to adapt in some ways to feel that they're living their best life.

Essentially, introverts can "fake it 'til you make it" by adopting certain extroverted behaviors until they start to feel a change in the way they see themselves. You may never be a true "life of the party" type but you can cultivate your inner extrovert.

(It would also be great if modern schools and workplaces met introverts at least halfway.)

If that fails, you can always work on being more open-minded and conscientious.

Once you understand that our personalities are fluids, the new findings about life satisfaction should be seen as a good thing. Almost everything we need to feel fulfilled and content with our lives is already inside of us, and it's not as dependent on our jobs or romantic relationships as we previously thought.

While being in good physical health or making a good salary are definitely a big leg up, happiness really comes from how you see the world and how you approach the problems you do have.

It's not a simple on-off switch, but I think it's amazing news that just because external factors beyond your control might be making things hard, there's always room to grow into a more satisfied approach to life.

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A comic from The Oatmeal illustrates how we're missing the mark on happiness

I do the things that are meaningful to me, even if they don't make me "happy."

By Matthew Inman/The Oatmeal. Used with permission.

How to Be Perfectly Happy


Matthew Inman is the Eisner Award-winning author of The Oatmeal. He's published six books, including New York Times Best-Sellers such as "How to Tell if Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You"and "The Terrible and Wonderful Reasons Why I Run Long Distances."He enjoys running marathons, writing comics, and eating cake.

You can read more of Matthew's comics here.



Comic by Matthew Inman/The Oatmeal. Used with permission.

























More comics from The Oatmeal:When your house is burning down, you should brush your teeth.



My dog: the paradox



It's going to be okay.

More comics from The Oatmeal:

It's going to be okay.


This article originally appeared on 12.02.16

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There is one group of people that might be happier single than they are in a relationship

It's OK to decide "I'd just rather be on my own."


Oh, society! We have such a complicated relationship with relationships.

It starts early, with the movies we are plopped in front of as toddlers.

GIF from Disney's "Beauty and the Beast."

And continues through adolescence, still through entertainment.

"I'd rather die than stay away from you."

GIF from "Twilight."

And then guess what happens? We're peddled some more of what we're supposedly meant to be aiming for when we're adults.

"I was the one girl he chose from 20 other girls to be with. Now I know I'm special!" — me, mocking probably very sweet people.

GIF from "The Bachelor."


There are so many examples of this, it's difficult to narrow them down. Not to mention all the social cues coming in all stealth-bomber-like to beat one's psyche into submission. Like when single people go to weddings, their family members casually ask them, "When will YOU settle down?" And when a friend goes through a breakup, it's almost instinctive to reassure them that there's someone out there for them.

But what if not everyone is supposed to pair off? What if some people are — wait for it — happier when they're single?


It's kind of a radical notion in this culture, where pairing off is treated more as a foregone conclusion and universal life goal.

A study in 2014 from the National Bureau of Economic Research said that married people rated higher in happiness measurements than single people did.

You might have taken that study at face value.

But hold the phone! There's another recent study from University of Auckland's School of Psychology that tells a more complete story by comparing happiness levels among a very specific group of singles and marrieds.

How? Well they looked at something called "avoidance goals" and "approach goals."


What are avoidance and approach goals?

Well, what motivates each person is different. Some people are motivated by going after what their desired outcome is. Some people are more concerned with avoiding undesirable outcomes. People are often mixed bags, displaying some traits of avoidance and some traits of approach, and where they're at with it can change with other factors in life. But on the entire spectrum, some people fall on one distinct end or the other.

In the study, it held up that low-avoidance singles were a little bit less happy than low-avoidance married people. In other words, people who were more approach-goal motivated and married DO experience a bit more happiness.

But, interestingly, researchers found that singles who fall more on the high-avoidance side of the spectrum showed the same level of happiness as high-avoidance marrieds.

And theoretically, for those happy high-avoidance singles, they could very well find themselves miserable in a relationship for whatever reasons they avoid them in the first place. In individual circumstances, singlehood may be the best choice for some.

What does it all mean?

Some people love love and want to find their happily ever after. There's nothing wrong with that, and society supports that model. More power to them!

But for those of you wondering if you're weird or broken because you seem to prefer single life, there's nothing wrong with you. Don't let society pressure you into doing things their way, you magnificently beautiful lone wolf!


This article was written by Angie Aker and originally appeared on August 27, 2015

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