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Joy

She asked an older neighbor to watch her pets. He sent her a beautiful letter of gratitude.

"You brought back meaning to my life."

u/SnooCupcakes8607/Reddit

When older people get lonely, interacting with pets can be a game-changer.

Sometimes when we're in the younger, busier time of our lives, it's easy to forget—or not even realize—that our elderly friends and neighbors might be lonely. But very often, people who have long been retired, who may have already said goodbye to many of their friends or who have physical limitations that make it difficult to get out to visit people, can find themselves alone most of the time. Feelings of loneliness can lead to depression and other health risks, and even shorten one's lifespan.

A viral social media post offers a good reminder of this fact, but in the most heartwarming way. A poster named Dylan shared a photo of a typed letter with the caption: "I went on a vacation 2 weeks ago, and let my neighbor babysit my pets. Shortly after I got back home, I received this letter from him in the mail that made me smile and cry. I’d like to share it here."

"Good afternoon," the letter begins. This is regarding your vacation two weeks ago and how you let me babysit Smokey, Oreo, and Jennifer. I'd just like to give you a letter of thanks." (The letter doesn't specify what kind of pets Smokey, Oreo and Jennifer are, but the original poster later shared that they are a German shepherd, "the crankiest little beagle you’ve seen in your life," and a cat named Oreo.)

Then he continued:

I went on a vacation 2 weeks ago, and let my neighbor babysit my pets. Shortly after I got back home, I received this letter from him in the mail that made me smile and cry. I’d like to share it here.
byu/SnooCupcakes8607 inMadeMeSmile

"As you know, I'm an old man. You don't see me outside often anymore, as these joints aren't as lively as they used to be. To add to that, two years ago, in the midst of the pandemic, my dad got diagnosed with stage four colon cancer. After his death, I was left alone in my home. I don't have a wife or kids. I could go to sleep one day and never wake up again. Every day is just sitting around and wondering what I have done for this world.

Until I met Smokey, Oreo, and Jennifer.

Your pets are the cutest, funniest, and most troublesome (In a good way, don't worry, they didn't mess up my house too much!) individuals. They gave me the motivation to restart my life again. I started waking up early in the mornings. I began to take walks outside with your pets for the first time in years. Every 10 minutes, whenever I felt sad for a second, they would bark or rub against my leg and make me laugh.

The highlight of their stay was when I took them to the park. It was the longest time I've spend outside in a while. It didn't just bring back pet interaction, I also met other people, started talking, and made friends with a handful of fellow human beings. I was so happy to finally be able to talk with friends again, interact with others, and feel like I'm part of the human race.

I realize I sound very existential right now, but I'm telling the truth. It's nice knowing that I'm doing something for someone, even if it's my neighbor.

I adopted two dogs soon after. (You may have been hearing noise from my home, pardon them!) I now take regular walks to the park with them and talk with friends I made there. Anyways, I'd just like to say: thank you so much. You brought back meaning to my life. And that's all that matters.

Sincerely,

Robert (P.S. I think it's time for you to mow the lawn, haha!)


senior citizen, older gentleman, nieghbor, dog sitter, happy elderly manRepresentative image of Robert.via Canva/Photos

People absolutely loved Robert's letter—and Robert himself, judging from some of the comments:

"Robert is a national treasure and I take anything less to be an insult!"

"I wouldn’t just mow my lawn, but Robert’s too. Forever."

"Robert really is the good in all of us. He must be protected at all costs."

german shepards, dogs, pet sitters, dog breeds, dog in grass, happy dogA German shepard sits in the grass.via Aleksandar Mitrovic/Unsplash

Some people related to Robert, having found a new zest for life after getting pets of their own. Others joked that the whole letter was just an elaborate, "Midwest-nice" way to tell the poster their lawn needed attention. Some doubted the veracity of the letter, but even if it's not real, the comments from people sharing how their elderly loved ones had been helped by neighbors sharing their pets with them show that animals really can help people who are lonely find more connection and purpose in their lives.

Pets can bring much love into our lives and, according to the American Heart Association, can also help us live longer. Interacting with dogs boosts the production of "happy hormones" such as oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine, which reduces stress levels and provides a greater sense of well-being. Regular walking with a dog is also a great way to exercise. Dog owners also have a unique advantage when overcoming a serious health problem. Dog owners who suffer from a heart attack or stroke are less likely to die than those who are not.

It's a good reminder to check in with older folks around us and to share the joy of our pets with people who might be lonely. You never know whose life you might touch with your furry friends.

This article originally appeared three years ago.

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Health

3-part study on 'Fear of Happiness' reveals a key mistake we all make when we're feeling down

Ever gone digging inside a compliment to see if you could find an insult buried inside?

Sydney Sims/Unsplash

We need to stop doing this to ourselves.

Negative moods have a way of snowballing, of picking up steam and being notoriously difficult to break out of. We know that people who are depressed, show depressive symptoms, or are simply feeling down have a more negative way of viewing things. In fact, it's been argued that adults as a general rule use negative information far more than positive information to learn from or make decisions. This negativity bias permeates much of our lives!

But is it possible that we actively go out of our way to avoid things that might make us feel better? For example, why don't we just look at pictures of puppies, or graciously accept a boost from a compliment offered by a friend? A forthcoming study in the Journal of Experimental Psychology recently put this question to the test.


Chandler sad from FriendsGiphy

There were three parts to the fascinating study out of the University of Minnesota Twin Cities.

In the first part, participants were presented with a prompt, or the beginning part of a very short story. Psychology Today offers an example: “You are walking to the office. You only have about 5 minutes left of your walk. You are debating whether to stop and buy a coffee when…”

They were then asked to choose between three different endings; a positive one ("You see $10 on the sidewalk"), a neutral ("You see a coffee shop"), and a negative ("You trip and fall on the sidewalk") ending. Not surprisingly, people who had been determined to show depressive symptoms (which is not the same as having clinical depression) were less likely to select the positive ending.

The results were reproduced in the second part of the study, which was the same, except the language in the stories was shifted from “You" to the name of a fictitious other person.

The third part of the study was the most interesting. The negative ending to the story was altered in this round to be objectively wrong according to the details provided in the prompt.


Youre Wrong John C Mcginley GIFGiphy

Here's the example from Susan Krauss Whitbourne, PhD at Psychology Today: “Gary had $30 in his wallet to spend at the mall. He bought a T-shirt for $12, a pair of socks for $5, and a hat for $8. When he reached the cashier, he found that…

… he had $5 remaining in his wallet to buy a small accessory.”

…he didn’t have enough money and had to return one of the items.”

...the t-shirt was $15.”

The first option is inherently 'correct' according to the details of the story. The other two less desirable outcomes require a little mental gymnastics. You have to discard the information you originally received in order to make that version of the story work in your head.

People showing depressive symptoms were still less likely to choose the positive answer, even though it was the only correct one! This indicates that “individuals who are happiness-averse do not merely disregard potential positivity. The presence of positivity inhibits their ability to correctly solve problems," according to the study.

What does it all mean? It means that some people do indeed go out of their way, bending over backwards in some cases, to avoid positive stimulus.

Sad Jimmy Fallon GIF by The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy FallonGiphy

Especially people who show depressive symptoms like low energy, low self-esteem, and hopelessness. What's fascinating about this particular study is that those depressive symptoms were identified using something called "Fear of Happiness."

What is "Fear of Happiness"? It’s not just a feeling, it’s actually a thing that can be measured. Also called cherophobia, mental health professionals use the Fear of Happiness Scale, sometimes called the Concerns About Positive Feelings scale, to get a better idea of what their patient is thinking and feeling. It offers questions participants must either Agree or Disagree with to various degrees. Questions include: “I worry that if I feel good something bad might happen," "I feel I don’t deserve to be happy," and "If you feel good, you let your guard down.”

The study indicates that people who are feeling badly may actually be uncomfortable on some level with the thought of feeling better, and may go out of their way to avoid stimuli that might improve their mood. The study’s authors say the results of the study could be useful in how we treat some types of depression. Common therapies often have patient try to reframe negative thoughts into positive ones, but this data says that might not be effective. Some people may have an aversion to positive thoughts and may dismiss them outright.

Of course, when it comes to clinical depression, mindset is only one small part. Regular therapy and even medication may be crucial when it comes to treatment. But I think it’s useful for all of us to know we may have a tendency to do this when our mood, energy, and self-esteem are low, and if we can force ourself to stop turning away from the good things that do come our way, we might be able to feel a lot better, a lot faster.

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Woman who is quickly going blind made a bucket list of things to see. Snowfall left her in tears.

"I cried so much. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

Alishia (NettlesSheepstealer on Reddit)

A woman with an eye disease made a bucket list of things to see while she can—including snow.

Making a bucket list is a simple way of aspiring toward future happiness, and I respect anyone who makes that investment in themselves. It’s even more impressive when someone takes action because of seemingly bad news, using a negative to inspire a positive.

In a recent Internet post, a woman named Alishia shared that she has an "eye disease causing pretty rapid blindness" and, after receiving that diagnosis, decided to make a bucket list of things she "wanted to see before [losing] the rest of it." One item on that list was snow—given that she lives in South Louisiana, she’d seen it fall but never stick on the ground. Alishia made plans with a friend to go up north and experience the full winter-weather treatment: building a snowman, making snowballs and snow angels. Turns out she didn’t have to make the trip—in late January, her town wound up with a 10-inch accumulation (and Louisiana itself with a "historic" downfall).

Winnie The Pooh Animation GIF by DisneyGiphy

"I cried so much," she wrote on Reddit. "It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Everyone, adults included, were outside playing in it. I'm 38, and I was out there giggling like a 5-year-old. It was even more meaningful that it happened here, where most of us have never seen it."

After reading the story, I reached out to to Alishia, who kindly shared more details about her experience. Her eye disease is RP, Retinitis Pigmentosa, which, she explains, "starts with losing your night vision and then slowly causes you to have tunnel vision." She adds, "The tunnel closes over time. I got officially diagnosed at 36 but stopped driving at 26." (According to Cleveland Clinic, RP is a "group of disorders" that affect people differently: "Most people with RP have low vision, and some people go blind. The vision changes usually start in childhood. But sometimes these changes occur so slowly that you don’t realize it’s happening.")

The big snow day, she says, got off to an early start when she woke up at 2:45 a.m. and "couldn’t fall back asleep" due to excitement. Given that she "can’t see anything at night except lights" and didn’t expect much snow to begin with, she tried to keep her expectations modest. Then the downpour came.

Alishia stands in the snow with an umbrella."I don't own a coat because it doesn't get super cold here," Alishia says, "so most people just put on multiple pairs of clothes and hoodies"Alishia (NettlesSheepstealer on Reddit)

"It started falling, and at first I couldn't see it, but it sounded like someone opening a carbonated drink," she says. "A couple hours later I could see it on the ground. Then I realized I could actually see the cars in the parking lot. It was dark, but I could see the light reflecting off all the snow. I cried like a baby [laughs]. Later when the sun came out, I went outside with my white cane and it didn't click in my head that I couldn't use it because everything was covered. All of my neighbors and their kids were outside. My favorite thing in the world is hearing people have fun. There were people outside in their 40s laughing and making snowmen. None of them turned out very well, but we don't know what we're doing. I stayed outside all day. It was so different from seeing it in the movies."

The top photo, where she's wearing a robe, shows her "feeble attempt at a snowman," she notes with a laugh.

On Reddit, Alishia mentioned some of the remaining items on her bucket list (going to a drag show, taking her son to the beach, and doing karaoke with her mom and little sister) and some of the others she’s already checked off (going fishing with her son and seeing a waterfall). She tells me she also got to see her first concert: the punk rock band Bad Religion.

"It was amazing," she says. "No one treated me different. My sister told me after that a couple people tried to give me a fist bump, which was kinda funny since I can only see a small area of my vision. The things I do with my son are also beautiful. The more things I tick off the list, the less afraid I am of the world. People are nicer than I gave them credit for."

Home Alone Reaction GIF by 20th Century Fox Home EntertainmentGiphy

After posting her story on Reddit, Alishia has been able to connect with a lot of people—another example of how she "[gets] joy out of people enjoying things."

"It sounds weird, but I think vision loss really put a lot of things into perspective for me," she says. "I savor things more deeply than I did before. I've had people tell me they'd die if they lost their vision. I like to talk to people and let them know it doesn't have to be scary."

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Health

Surprising new psychological study reveals weight gain doesn’t make people less happy

Science says happiness isn't measured on your bathroom scale.

Photo credit: Canva

Weight gain and weight loss don't really factor into a person's overall happiness

A new study from Germany shows that gaining weight doesn’t make people less happy. While obesity is still a public health issue in many Western countries, including the United States and Germany, and the impacts on a person’s physical health are well-known, there hasn’t been many studies regarding the psychological impact of weight gain or whether it hinders a person’s overall satisfaction in life.

Using a decade’s worth of data, Felix Bittmann at the Leibniz Institute for Educational Trajectories looked to see if there was any cause-and-effect relationship between gaining weight and losing happiness. Bittman’s survey sample included 8,815 participants aged 25 through 60, with the data collected from 2011 to 2021. This sample disregarded individuals with body mass indexes (BMI) that were underweight or extremely obese to eliminate any outliers from the results.

A close-up of a man holding up his belly fat.Adding on a few pounds doesn't impact your life satisfaction, according to a new study.Photo credit: Canva

Happiness was determined through a single-item question regarding life satisfaction on a 1 to 10 scale (one being completely dissatisfied, ten being completely satisfied). Using two statistical models to remove unchanging variables such as genetics and personality from influencing the data, it was shown that BMI had very little effect on a person’s happiness compared to other factors that impact a person’s life such as age, relationship status, employment, income, and geographic location.

Woman lying her head on a couch, frowning.If you are unhappy, losing weight might not be the answer to that problem.Photo credit: Canva

“Surprisingly, there is no evidence of a negative effect of obesity on life satisfaction,” said Bittmann in an interview with PsyPost. “In this respect, the study seems to me to be particularly relevant in demonstrating why so many people are overweight: it hardly burdens them psychologically, which is why they have little incentive to lose the excess weight.”

At one point or another in our lives, no matter if we are overweight, underweight, or at our physical prime, we have been fed the idea that weight loss can make people happier. It’s riddled in advertisements for weight loss supplements, health food, and exercise equipment among several other products. They may not always promise verbally that losing weight will make you happier, but it’s not unusual to think that when you see a “before” photo of a person looking down and lonely then an “after” photo of a person smiling, sometimes with friends and family after they lost weight.

This isn’t to say that a person shouldn’t be mindful of their physical health. Being overweight can increase the risk of heart disease, diabetes, and many other health complications.

A group of women jogging outsideWhen exercising or dieting, it's best to know the true intent behind it.Photo credit: Canva

However, this study shows that there are two separate, different goals here rather than one. It’s “lose weight” and/or “become happier” not “lose weight to become happier.” There are written pieces in Slate, Glamour, and theU.S. News and World Report among hundreds of others that share the same truth: you can lose weight but still not be happy.

If you’re in the midst of a weight loss journey, ask yourself, “What am I doing this for?” If it’s to improve your physical health at the advice and monitoring of a trusted physician, that’s a worthy enough cause on its own. However, if you are unhappy or think that losing weight will improve your happiness, you may not be addressing that issue effectively. If you are depressed or wish to become more satisfied with your life, consider looking into methods to directly address those issues such as a therapist or counselor.

Close up of a therapy sessionMuch like consulting a nutritionist for dieting, it's best to consult a specialist for your happiness and mental health.Photo credit: Canva

Much like how a dietician can help direct you in your weight loss journey, they could help direct you in your happiness journey, too. When it comes to your overall health, mind and body, it’s best to look into all potential possibilities and consult with professionals.

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