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grief

"Either way you've been there before."

We talk a lot about the awkwardness of having that inevitable “birds and the bees” talk with our kiddos, but there’s another conversation topic bound to be even more anxiety inducing: what happens after we die.

It’s a difficult question for parents to answer, since not even we really know what happens after we pass on. Those who subscribe to a religious belief connected to an afterlife might have perhaps an easier time initially, but even then, there are bound to be very complex follow-up questions that aren’t so easy to navigate…especially in a way that kids can understand without getting overwhelmed. Because let’s face it, it’s an overwhelming topic no matter what age you are.

 death, death talk, talking to kids about death, grief, death anxiety, afterlife, difficult conversations, parenting A mother consoling her grieving children. Photo credit: Canva

And yet, a mom named Penny offered to share how she has the “death talk" with her young ones, and it’s actually pretty darn solid.

Because every bit of it is great, we’re just putting the whole thing down below:

When my kids would say ‘Mommy, where do you go after you die?’ I would tell them, ‘I think you probably just go to wherever you were before you were born.’ And they’d ask me ‘Where is that?’ and I’d say ‘I don’t know. I don’t remember. It might be a place, it might be nothing. Either way, you’ve been there before. Because before you were here if you were somewhere else you were OK. And if you were nowhere that was OK, too. So if you die and you go somewhere else, you’ll be OK. But if you die and it’s nothing you’ve been in nothing before and it was OK. It’ll be OK then, too.’”

 
 @iwillfightyourdad Shockingly we haven’t had a single existential crisis after this discussion.
 ♬ original sound - 🪿🎀Penny🎀🪿 
 
 

Tearing up? Don’t worry, you’re not alone.

“Okay but why did this make me cry,” one person wrote. Others noted how these were equally wise words for adults who might be dealing with their own death anxiety.

“Are you sure this is an answer for kids? Because I think you just cured my fear of death as a 35 yo,” one person quipped.

Another echoed, “as an adult who panics about there being nothing after death…this brought me bittersweet comfort. That my deepest fear could be true, but to take a different perspective on it.”

Penny’s words echo that of poet and Epicurean philosopher Lucretius, who viewed death as simply a return to the non-existent state we were in before birth. If one doesn't fear the time before their birth, they shouldn't fear the time after their death, he argued. 

In his book On the Nature of Things, Lucretius wrote:

“Consider the time before we were born: we felt no distress when the Carthaginians were attacking Rome on every side; and the whole world was shaken by the frightening tumult of that war… and in the same way in the future, when we shall no longer exist, and the final breaking up occurs for the body and spirit from which we are now compounded into a single unit, nothing whatever will be able to happen to us, or produce any sensation — not even if the the earth should collapse in to the sea, or the sea explode in the sky…”

  - YouTube  www.youtube.com  

Beautifully written, but we can easily see how Penny’s “Either way, you’ve been there before” version is a little easier to comprehend for kids and adults alike.

Obviously, with a complex subject like this, there will be several layers of conversations to be had and feelings to process. After all, no one has all the answers…and that can be scary. But wisdom like this can certainly help navigate through that murky terrain. Several folks are calling for Penny to make this into a children’s book, so who knows? Maybe parents will soon have it as a little companion when they have the Grim Reaper chat with their littles. Or to come back to for themselves.

If not, they can always go back to her very thoughtful video.

justice_4justin/Instagram

Justin Etienne's mother Tierra Neil presents his prom date Reyaa with corsage he picked out for her.

Prom is one of the most memorable parts of high school. But for student Justin Etienne, an 18- year-old senior at Salem High School in metro Atlanta, it was a milestone that was missed by a just a few weeks. Etienne, a victim of gun violence, passed away in March 2025.

Etienne had planned to go to prom with his date, Reyaa. In an emotional new video shared by Etienne's family (@justice_4justin), his mom, Tierra Neil, followed through to deliver the corsage Etienne had picked out for her for their special night weeks before his passing.

"My heart goes out to all the moms and families mourning loved ones lost🙏 Justin’s mom went to see his prom date off to prom and to give her the corsage he got for her🥺🕊️💕‼️💔," the caption of the video reads.

In the video, Neil arrives at Reyaa's home with the corsage in her hands. She knocks on their door, and after her family opens it, Neil is immediately overwhelmed with emotion. She is met with a hug, and comes inside the home.

Reyaa is waiting for her in a stunning pink gown that has Etienne's face on the front of it. Reyaa is wiping tears away from her eyes as she and Neil share a long hug together.

Neil takes a moment to look at Reyaa's dress and the photo of Etienne. Then she bravely takes the corsage out of the box, and places it on her wrist. Neil tells her, "You look so pretty," and continues to admire her gown that was designed specially for her by her uncle, Kyle Robertson.

The tearjerker video received an overwhelming response from viewers in the comment section. "When she sees the picture on the dress! She knew her son chose a good one which brings on a whole new hurt. Bless these women," one wrote. Another added, "The fact that she found the strength 🙏🏽🥹." Another shared, "My heart breaks in a million pieces for his mom. Justin should be here going to prom getting ready to graduate! 😢"

In another post, Etienne's family shared more details about Etienne and Reyaa. "Before Justin passed he asked this beautiful young lady to prom and she said YES!! Her designer made her prom dress with his picture on it and even her nails has his name on it!!!" they wrote.

In another post shared on her Instagram, Reyaa also opened up about her experience at prom honoring Etienne. "A Night I’ll Never Forget With a Person I’ll Always Remember💔🕊️," she wrote. "And thank you for the encouragement and push to follow through with this for Justin...And Justin, mann we DEFINITELY showed out in our rose gold! I miss you so much man so much, but I know you were with me🥹!"

Etienne's family has started a GoFundMe account to support his memorial and parents during this difficult time, and shared more about who Etienne was. "Justin was one of the kindest souls you could ever meet—quiet, funny, always full of joy, and never one to argue or cause trouble. He had a bright future ahead of him, and his life was stolen far too soon."

by.erikahernandez/GoFundMe

After Erika Hernandez's son Jovan passed away, his best friend Mali kept visiting her.

One of the most painful consequences of grief is the loss of community. People fall away, lose touch, and become strangers with those who once were close.

But when Erika Hernandez lost her son Jovan in 2023 to gun violence, his best friend Mali never failed in supporting her and keeping Jovan's memory alive through their friendship. Now, a year and a half after his passing, Mali has created a tradition with Hernandez: The two get together every Wednesday night to watch the TV show The Equalizer with Mali bringing along dinner and his girlfriend.

In a new TikTok video shared by Hernandez (@by.erikahernandez), she shared the special routine the two share every week together. "My son's bestie shows up every Wednesday evening with dinner and his girlfriend to watch The Equalizer. My son passed away a year and a half ago," she wrote in the video's caption.

@by.erikahernandez

He’s been begging for a set of house keys. 😂 #momsoftiktok

In the video, Hernandez films Mali and his girlfriend eating at a table together. Mali makes himself at home, hanging in the kitchen and then grabbing the remote to put on their show. In the caption, she added, "He's been begging for a set of house keys 😂."

In an interview with PEOPLE, Hernandez shared that Mali and Jovan had been close friends for seven years before his passing. "Their friendship ran deep. They had this dream of naming their future sons after each other so their kids could be friends, too," she shared. "Even when life got busy, they made sure to stay close, meeting at our neighborhood country club to catch up and talk about life. Those two were a handful, but their shared passion and drive to push each other forward made it feel like they were long-lost brothers."

@by.erikahernandez

Homework? He’s done his homework at my home and has had proof read his papers. The nerve! 🙄🥴😂 Enjoy Pt. 4. #momsoftiktok

After Jovan's unexpected passing, Mali continued to stop by the family's home. "After Jovan passed, Mali would randomly show up almost every day—no heads-up, no text, just there," Hernandez said. "I could be on a work Zoom call, and there he was outside the window, being his usual silly self, trying to get my attention. It got to the point where I'd text him, and instead of replying, he'd walk right in."

Mali started to come by on evenings when Hernandez would watch The Equalizer, and it became a new tradition to watch together. "He sat down, watched with me, and got totally hooked," Hernandez added. "Afterward, I mentioned that the earlier seasons were on Netflix and told him if he wanted to watch, he could come over—but he had to bring pizza."

The weekly ritual has been healing for both of them. "Some people say his visits are a promise he made to Jovan — to watch over me if something ever happened to him — and that could very well be true," Hernandez told PEOPLE. "What I truly believe is that I'm the only tangible connection Mali still has to my son. And as long as Mali wants me in his life, I'll always be here for him."

Mali's consistent visits touched her TikTok viewers, who shared their thoughts in the comments:

"Ma'am, your son left you a son 🥺"

"this is my first time seeing a parent getting adopted."

"they say grief is just love with no where to go. I’m so happy that you all have a way to express that. keep spreading the love because I know Jovan is smiling ear to ear every Wednesday ❤️🩹."

"I think it heals him as much as it heals you 🥰."

Many called for Mali to get a house key for her place, and home improvement store Lowe's commented: "We know where you can get him one 👀." Hernandez indeed delivered for her "bonus son," and created a key for him.

Adam Trunell

The Goodbye Line project

There are times when we want to say goodbye to a person, a concept, a city, an inner child, or even just an idea, but, for whatever reason, that opportunity has passed. Maybe the recipient is unavailable and what's left is a void that leaves our well-wishes with no real place to land.

Documentary filmmaker Adam Trunell and his partner Alexis Wood wanted to help fill that void by not only giving a creative outlet to help people bid adieu, but to create a sense of community by sharing it with people online. We all experience loss, heartbreak, grief—and this seemed like a way to strip down to our most vulnerable memories, perhaps the ones that got snagged somewhere, in order to process them so that we can let them go.

One of the reels on The Goodbye Line TikTok page (@thegoodbyeline) simply states: "The void calls. We answer." And that's exactly how it works. From any payphone (or cell phone, if one wishes), a person can call a toll-free number. A recording answers to welcome them to "The Goodbye Line," explaining, "This payphone, like us, is here now but won't be forever." From there, one is encouraged to leave a goodbye, fleeting thought, or poem—whatever they need to get off their hearts. If they want to opt out of having their stories shared on social media, they just have to say so in the call.

@thegoodbyeline

The void calls. We answer.


Upworthy spoke with Adam and Alexis about how this unique art/social project sparked. Adam shares, "It came out of a rainy day conversation about loss and community, and we sort of walked backwards into an idea. We designed a sticker, put it up on some of the remaining payphones around LA, and couldn’t say whether we’d get a single call. They come in now all day, every day, and run the full spectrum of goodbyes. There’s no single type of goodbye, but every message is an attempt to pin something down before it disappears completely. And a reminder that loss, in all its forms, connects us."

The line doesn't speak back, he tells us. "The line just listens. It doesn’t judge, doesn’t interrupt, doesn’t try to make things OK. It just takes what you give it, without question, and holds it. And sometimes that’s enough.”

What's even more impactful is the community of people who listen to these goodbyes. "The fact people show up and listen, and follow, and comment and share, tells us that grief isn’t just about loss. It’s about connection. And mourning isn’t just something we do in private — it’s also deeply communal. So that even if we aren’t the ones speaking, we can hear ourselves in other people's messages.”

Alexis adds that because there are so many different versions of "loss," the calls range in tone. "A lot of the calls are about losing someone who’s passed, but there are just as many about losing relationships or friendships with people who are still alive. And honestly, I don’t think we talk about that kind of loss enough.”

She explains how the payphones themselves have become a character in the art piece. "There’s something raw and immediate about stumbling on a payphone out in the world—it catches people off guard, and that moment feels different than someone who finds us through Instagram and comes in with a bit more context. What’s even more fascinating is how each payphone seems to absorb the energy of its neighborhood. They take on their own personalities—what gets said, who picks up the phone—it all shifts depending on where they are. The calls start to reflect the place, and that’s been one of the most powerful parts of this whole thing.”

payphone, phone, landline, the goodbye line, phone calls, closureThe Goodbye Line Payphone project Photo credited to Adam Trunell

Adam acknowledges how complex letting go can be. "There are some things we never get to say, and that doesn’t just disappear. Loss doesn’t have an expiration date. Some goodbyes take years to find a voice. And when they do, for a moment, even saying a name can restore a presence. You hear it in the messages; sometimes people pick up the phone and don’t know what they’re holding onto until they say it out loud.”