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Mental Health

Adam Grant explains that a simple tweak in how you journal can boost your motivation

"Part of our motivation comes from feeling capable of making a difference."

Photo credit: Canva

Adding contributions to a gratitude journal can help make you happier and more motivated.

Some years ago, the idea of keeping a "gratitude journal" became all the rage. Research indicates that cultivating a sense of gratitude by "counting our blessings" can make us feel happier and more satisfied with our lives, and gratitude journal is a purposeful, systematic way to do that.

Happiness is great, but what about motivation? Does gratitude journaling make you more motivated? According to organizational psychologist Adam Grant, the answer is no. But there is something else you can add to your journal to increase your motivation—contributions.

"If you just do a gratitude journal, you end up passive," Grant told the Last Neanderthals podcast. "You're reflecting on what you're fortunate to receive from others. Jane Dutton and I studied this and we found that people end up more motivated after they do 'contribution journals,' where. you think about what you did for others. Part of our motivation comes from feeling capable of making a difference."

Grant said he likes to keep a journal that includes both gratitude and contributions. "You do your gratitude list, three things I'm grateful for, and then three ways I was useful to other people as well."

As a researcher at The Wharton School at University of Pennsylvania, Grant teamed up with Jane Dutton of the Ross School of Business at the University of Michigan to research how reflecting on giving and receiving impacts pro-social behavior. The question at the heart of their study was whether reflecting on receiving (gratitude) or on giving (contribution) would make a person behave in a more helpful way toward others.

gratitude journal, adam grant, motivation, contributions journalAdam Grant suggests adding contributions to your gratitude journal.Photo credit: Canva

"In field and laboratory experiments, we found that participants who reflected about giving benefits voluntarily contributed more time to their university, and were more likely to donate money to natural-disaster victims, than were participants who reflected about receiving benefits," the authors wrote. "When it comes to reflection, giving may be more powerful than receiving as a driver of prosocial behavior."

In fact, it appears that reflecting on giving becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. "Merely thinking about recent experiences of giving encourages people to give more time and money," Grant and Dutton wrote. The more we recall ways we've contributed, the more motivated we are to contribute.

volunteering, giving, motivation, adam grantVolunteering is one way to contribute.Photo credit: Canva

As it turns out, giving is also good for your mental health. According to the Mental Health Foundation, that helping others can reduce stress and improve mood, self-esteem and happiness. It's one of the ways people can build connections, which helps prevent loneliness and isolation, and can increase our sense of optimism and satisfaction.

The Mental Health Foundation shares some suggestions for people wondering how they might contribute more:

- Volunteer for a local community organization
- Offer your expertise and support as a mentor for those who are struggling
- Check-in with a neighbor
- See if there’s anything you can do to support your children’s school or nursery—offer to read stories for example
- Involve your friends and neighbors in community projects
- Offer to skill-share with a friend—you could teach guitar, dance or a new recipe
- Call a friend that you haven’t spoken to for a while
- Tell a family member how much you love and appreciate them
- Offer a listening ear to someone who simply wants to talk

helping in the garden, volunteering, being helpful, contributions journalHelping doesn't have to be complicated or elaborate.Photo credit: Canva

Contributions don't have to be huge or dramatic to be impactful, both to ourselves and others. It's not like you have to find a cure for cancer or solve international conflicts or rescue someone from a burning building to count up ways you helped others or the world. A contributions journal entry could be as simple as, "1) Helped my neighbor plant her garden. 2) Dropped a bag of food at the food bank. 3) Helped my niece with her math homework." Any way that you made someone else's day or life a little easier or better is a contribution, so don't be overly judgey of your own list.

Besides, the more you reflect on giving, according to Grant, the more giving you'll have to reflect on, so just make a start and see what happens.

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Health

A scorching hot take on why younger people say 'no problem' instead of 'you're welcome'

This slam on cashiers turned into a masterclass on gratitude.

Photo by Blake Wisz on Unsplash

What's in a response?


Have you ever wondered why people don't seem to say “you're welcome" anymore?

The phenomenon has really caught on lately but it's roots go further back. In 2015, author and professor Tom Nichols tweeted out an angry response after receiving what he thought was poor customer service:


“Dear Every Cashier in America: the proper response to 'thank you' is 'you're welcome,' not 'no problem.' And *you're* supposed to thank *me.*" The angry tweet elicited a number of mocking responses from people on social media.


But eventually one person chimed in with a detailed and thoughtful response that just might give you pause the next time you or someone you know says, “no problem."

two women on opposite sides of a counter completing a transaction

Just because it's different doesn't mean it's impolite.

Photo by Christiann Koepke on Unsplash

It's not about being polite. Our views on gratitude are evolving.

In a response that is going viral on Reddit, one person writing under the name "lucasnoahs" laid it all out:

Actually the “you're welcome/no problem" issue is simply a linguistics misunderstanding. Older ppl tend to say “you're welcome," younger ppl tend to say “no problem." This is because for older people the act of helping or assisting someone is seen as a task that is not expected of them, but is them doing extra, so it's them saying, “I accept your thanks because I know I deserve it."
“No problem," however, is used because younger people feel not only that helping or assisting someone is a given and expected but also that it should be stressed that you're need for help was no burden to them (even if it was).

Basically, older people think help is a gift you give, younger people think help is an expectation required of them.

Nichols took a lot of flack for his comment. But the insightful response reveals something important about gratitude.

The thoughtful response from “lucasnoahs" doesn't apply to everyone. After all, there are certainly a lot of people of any age group for whom acts of kindness and gestures of gratitude are “no problem."

Still, his message conveys an important idea that doing well for others does not have to be a grand gesture. It can be a simple act -- and the additional act of letting someone know that it's really no problem helps relieve any potential sense of debt or guilt the person receiving the gesture might otherwise take on.

Most of the time, doing the right thing is indeed no problem. In fact, it might be the solution to a lot of the daily problems we grapple with.


This article originally appeared six years ago.

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Health

Stuck in the past or worried about the future? 6 tips for living more fully in the present.

Living in the now is both harder and easier than it sounds.

Photo credit: Canva

Living in the present includes finding joy in small things.

One of the hallmarks of being human is that, without even leaving our own heads, we can live in three different places—the past, the present and the future. We all have memories of things that have happened in our lives, which we might reminisce on fondly or relive traumatically. And we all have our imaginings of things to come, in which we place our hopes and dreams as well as our worries and anxieties.

And then we have the now, where all of us actually live. Despite the fact that the present moment is the only place life actively happens, many of us spend much more time mentally living in the past or in the future. We might long for a time when things were better or dwell in the past where we wish things had been different. We might look forward to something that's coming next—a big life event, a change, a break from the routine—or we might find ourselves paralyzed by the fear of an uncertain future.

There's nothing wrong with looking back or looking ahead, but if we don't look at the present right before us more often, we end up missing out on life as we're living it. The past can't be changed and the future is unknown; the only time that we can truly live fully is now.

It sounds so simple, right? If it were easy to live in the present, we'd all be doing it more often. Habits of mind can be hard change, but tips for living in the now aren't complicated. It's both easier and harder than it sounds to live in the now, but these habits can help us strike a healthier balance.

"Use the good china"

We live by a lot of unwritten rules, some that are there for good reason and some that aren't. Examining the do's and don'ts we have set for ourselves—or that others have set for us—is a worthwhile endeavor, especially when they lead us to experience life more fully in the now.

How many of us have dishes for special occasions that rarely (or never) get used or special outfits we're saving for some unnamed future event? What if we used the good china more often, just because? What if we wore our fancy dress out to dinner, just because? Would the world end? No. Might we enjoy making the most of what we're holding onto for special occasions that might never come? Probably.

via GIPHY

It's fine to have special things for special occasions, but there's no set definition of "special," and if not now, when?

"Always take the trip"

One of the best pieces of parenting advice I ever received was "always take the trip." The idea is that our kids grow quickly, and if we're ever considering not taking a family trip because the timing or cost isn't ideal, as long as it's doable, to just do it.

That advice spills over into more than just parenting. If we have opportunities to make memories with loved ones, to experience something together outside of our norm, we should take them. There will always be reasons to say no or to put things off, but that doesn't mean we should. Barring actual financial ruin or some other dire consequence, take the trip, whatever it is.

Ground yourself in your senses

This is an exercise that can help stop a panic attack, but it can be used any time you find your mind spinning in the past or future. Becoming hyper aware of your physical surroundings can bring you into the present moment in a tangible way, and it's quite simple to do. Look around and name 5 things you see, list 4 things you hear, 3 things you feel, 2 things you smell and 1 thing you taste. Then sit with those physical senses for a moment, taking them all in.

Meditate—however it works for you

I know, I know. Some of us love meditation and others find it impossible. Much of the time, people who feel like they can't meditate have a limited view of what meditation means or what it can look like. But there are a million ways to reap the proven benefits of meditation.

via GIPHY

You don't have to sit cross-legged and you don't have to try to "clear your mind." You can lie down. You can walk. You can focus on your breathing or on a word or phrase or image. When your mind starts wandering or racing or otherwise doing what it normally does, intentionally direct it back to whatever you're focusing on.

That mindfulness helps bring you into the present moment. Start with a couple of minutes a day and build up. It doesn't have to be complicated. Don't overthink it. Find a comfortable position or a movement you enjoy and pick one thing to focus your attention on. That's it.

Practice gratitude

The idea of practicing gratitude has almost become a cliché at this point, but hey, it works. What are you thankful for in your life right now? Making a habit of ending each day writing down or thinking about what you're grateful for is a powerful way to appreciate the present.

If you struggle to find something you're thankful for, think beyond your own immediate circumstances. Humans created public libraries and they exist all over the world—isn't that amazing? Grateful. Sunrises and sunsets and puppies and flowers? Grateful. The fact that we live in an era with toilet paper? Grateful.

There's always something to be thankful for in the now.

Find joy in small things

Life has its big moments, but most of our daily life is made up of small things. If we only look forward or backward to big things, we miss out on a lot of the simple joys of everyday life—the first sip of coffee in the morning, the sound of a loved one's laughter, the feel of the wind in your hair.

man joyfully riding a bicycle.Enjoy the little things.Photo credit: Canva

Take a moment to look at how the light comes through a window, how cute your cat looks when she's sleeping, the beauty of your favorite decor in your home, the smell of your favorite food.

Remembering that our present is the future our past self used to look forward to can help us remember the importance of living in the moment. Reflect on the past and plan for the future, but in moderation. Life is happening in the now.

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Parenting

Mom teaches daughter a perfect lesson after she threw her new pencil case in the trash

"I truly believe changing your perception & just being grateful can turn around any situation in life."

Photo from Pexels.

Getting lessons are usually not so fun.

Kids can seem pretty unappreciative at times. Parents often sacrifice a lot to give their child the best, just to have it thrown in their face, or in the bin. This is something that Haley Hassell recently discovered when she went to three different stores to get her daughter the latest trendy pencil case.

When Hassell gave her daughter the pencil case, she threw it in the bin complaining that everyone already had it. That's when Hassell decided to teach her daughter the perfect lesson.

In a Facebook post, Hassell explained:

"[Daughter] learned a tough love lesson today... I went to 3 different stores to get that LOL pencil box you see in the trash there. When I surprised her with it this afternoon (just knowing she would be ecstatic) she stared at it and threw it in the trash and slammed the bedroom door. She yelled 'that's stupid, everyone in my class has that..I don't want it anymore!'"

"OK So by this time there was probably smoke coming out of my ears and I'm trying real hard not to completely lose it on this kid that I have worked so hard to completely take care of financially on my own & make sure she always gets what she needs and then some. BUT I thought I had always taught her to be grateful & know how lucky she was but apparently sis needed a small wake up call!"

"SO before completely going Madea mad on my child I check myself and say, 'okay that's fine, let me go get the one you're going to use.' Came back with her new pencil box, which is the Ziploc bag. She lost her mind! Suddenly the LOL Box she just trashed was good enough and the Ziploc bag was horrible...but it's too late for all that."

Yes, Hassell gave her daughter a Ziplock bag as a pencil case since she didn't appreciate the LOL one.

"I told her to get the LOL out of the trash and we would be finding a child to give it to tomorrow..one whose mommy and daddies don't have money for any school supplies or someone who may not even have a mommy or daddy."

"I explained to her she's not entitled to anything special and she is taking for granted how lucky she is. So for now she will be using a Ziploc bag & will personally be delivering the nice box to a child that could benefit from it. Maybe I overreact sometimes but I would've done anything to have all the things she does as a child. I truly believe changing your perception & just being grateful can turn around any situation in life.”

Commenters seemed to love the punishment, with one user writing: "I'm down for this. Yes it'd be easier to give in, but sometimes you gotta teach them the principle of the matter."

While another added: "I think you responded appropriately. Maybe she can earn the one she decides she wants at some point."

Others were less receptive of the idea, with a commenter writing: "I guess I pretty much interact with my child on a regular basis, you know, take them with me when buying stuff for THEM so I know what they want. I talk to my child and care about their feelings. I don't fear monger them. But hey, good job being a monster mom!"

Personally, I fully support mom on this one and think it's important to teach kids to appreciate what they have. If you don't, they'll most likely turn into terrible adults.

This article originally appeared five years ago.

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