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Modern Families

Grandpa makes a compelling case for no unannounced visits from grandparents

"…some of us might be crossing that line a little bit.”

@legacyofagrandpa/Instagram

Why that surprise visit might not be the gift you're hoping to bestow.

It’s a bittersweet situation for many adults—you live close enough to your own parents that grandma and grandpa can help out with the kids from time to time. On the one hand, you’ve got the luxury of a village at your disposal. Holidays are a cinch. Yay. But with that close proximity also comes blurry boundaries, which can take on the form of “surprise” grandparent visits during the most inopportune times.

Which brings us to the question: should grandparents be able to drop by unannounced in the first place? If you ask grandfather of two Rick Cognata, who regularly posts grandparent related content on his "Legacy Of A Grandpa" Instagram account, you’ll get a pretty definitive answer.

In a recent video, Cognata shared why making a call first might be a better move, explaining how well it works for his own kids.

“I am on my way to my daughter’s house and guess what? I called first,” Cognata began. “I said, ‘Hey, do you mind if I come over? I’m missing them. I just want to pop over. I’ll bring some food, whatever.’”

While this time Cognata's daughter gave the okay, in the past she’s also told him “No Dad, today is not a good day.” And offering up this bit of autonomy can make all the difference in a grandparent-parent dynamic. Though Cognata shared that it’s not quite the norm.

“I see a lot with my friends that this presents a problem with ... us grandparents ... that just pop over. Like, ‘This is my kid, they live around the corner from me, I will pop over when I want. My parents did it to me and I do it to them.’”

Photo credit: Canva

Cognata concluded by saying that of course, the drop in policy will differ from family to family, but in his own observation, “I hear a lot of my friends’ children saying, ‘I wish they would call.’”

“So that’s all I’m saying ... some of us might be crossing that line a little bit.”

By and large, folks generally seemed to agree with Cognata’s stance.

“Totally agree it’s called respect as our children are now adults themselves. ❤️

“🙌 I ALWAYS make contact first. They are a separate family unit to us and have their own life and routines. This has to be respected 🙌❤️🙌❤️🙌”

“Agreed! Your kids are now your friends and they deserve your respect. Not everyone is up for company ( family) at any given time. They need to have their own space and decide when the timing is right. I expect the same from them. It works beautifully that way! ❤️”

Still, others felt the rule to be unnecessary.

“It’s sad that family can’t pop over like it was when I grew up. But once an adult child gets married we have to respect how they want to live.”

“When I was younger and into my early married life, we would pop over to people's houses all the time. I think it's a southern thing.”

Photo credit: Canva

Whether or not you totally agree with Cognata’s opinion on this particular topic, it’s easy to see how it brings up a broader shift in how we approach family dynamics. Terms like “boundaries” certainly weren’t as mainstream when we (or our parents) were growing up, and it’s still relatively new territory for everyone. That’s why having open conversations, even online ones, can be pivotal for gaining perspective and possibly finding an approach that’s a win win for everyone.

By the way, Cognata has all kinds of grandparent-related discussions on his Instagram, which you can find here.

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Modern Families

Woman finds her grandpa's resume from 1946 and it's a fascinating time capsule

It's refreshingly earnest, for starters.

Unsplash

How was job hunting 79 years ago?

I've always loved looking at old family photos. Of course, I love the ones from when I was a kid, but I've always been fascinated by the ones that go back even further than that. I love the snapshots of life we find from 50 or even 100 years ago, in what looks like a completely different universe. It's one thing to see old-fashioned clothes or cars in a film, but to see evidence that they really existed is really wild and powerful in a way.

Even better is if you can find more than just old photos of your parents, grandparents, and other relatives. Handwritten letters, old documents—these are absolute treasures that really bring the past to life.

Kyra Shishko's grandfather, Ellsworth Rosen, recently passed away at the incredible age of 100. When going through his things, Shishko discovered an old resume that he'd written way back in 1946.

gif of men boarding a boatAll the way back to World War IIGiphy

She posted it to the subreddit r/TheWayWeWere, which serves as a collection of photos and documents of how people lived 50, 100, or more years ago. Social media users were fascinated by the document, with the post racking up thousands of likes and over 300 comments.

Rosen was an English major who served in World War II, where he wrote for Stars and Stripes, a military newspaper. The CV details his experience as "liaison with French newspaper reporters in Marseille" and as company interpreter in French and German.

Other highlights of the resume include:

Numerous typos! The resume would have been typed on a typewriter, and this may have been an early draft. But it's still amusing for the modern reader to see because a typo in a modern resume would be an instant death-knell if detected by the AI screeners.

A physical description: He notes that he's "Single," "68 [inches] tall", and "180 pounds."

A list of hobbies: Perhaps the most iconic part of the resume is that his interests include "theater, sports, chess, and women." Hey, can't blame a guy for being honest! He also casually mentions hitch-hiking around the United States under the 'Travel' section.

A distinct lack of corporate buzzwords: While Ellsworth certainly puts some effort into making himself sound good here, the whole thing is pretty matter of fact. There are no ballooned figures or gussied-up verbs (say, coordinated streamlined delivery of paper to 50,000 subscribers). It definitely harkens back to a simpler time when standing out on the job market wasn't so cutthroat.

In all seriousness though, for as odd as it looks compared to modern resumes, this CV speaks to an incredible amount of life-lived even to this young point in Ellsworth's life.

You can see the entire document and viral post here:

Commenters loved seeing this unique time capsule. Old photos and letters get passed down in most families, but a resume is a rather unusual find.

"That is such a fantastic piece of family history!"

"What a special document, and testament to the incredible life your grandfather lived."

"I find it fascinating the kinds of things that seemed relevant on a resume at that time that we wouldn't think of putting on a resume today. In fact, sometimes It's the opposite where employers don't want to know those things so they can avoid discrimination, such as a description of looks."

"What a fascinating glimpse into the past. A resume that reads like a life well-lived, with a dash of charm that modern applications lack. The simplicity of it is refreshing and reminds us that sometimes, the best qualifications aren't just what you can type out on a computer."

gif of an older car driving down a streetThe way we were. Giphy

The older you get, the more you appreciate opportunities to see your parents and grandparents as normal human beings who once stood where you stand. Before they were the fully grown, fully formed authority figures in your life, they were kids, teens, and young adults themselves just trying to figure it all out.

It's also important to know about your own roots, and learn as much as you can about the story of how you came to be. We absorb and learn a lot of our values from our grandparents and the stories they tell us about their younger years. Finding photos, letters, and other old documents that help give those stories texture helps keep them alive in our memories and ensure their lessons live on with even greater potency.

"I was so touched by this resume because I always knew him at the tail end of his impressive life and it was so fascinating to see how he started," Shisko told Newsweek. "I hope people see the resume as a way to relate. Human behavior is a through line and people are generally similar, if not also products of the time they live in. This resume is indicative of just a 23-year-old man putting an unpolished, slightly embellished version of himself on paper, hoping to start a life and make a living."

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Pets

Ricky the kitten spent 2 weeks at Gramma and Grampa's and the photobook is everything

Gramma's adorably over-the-top book documenting Ricky's visit has people clamoring for more.

@goldfishclub/TikTok

Ricky had many exciting adventures at Gramma and Grampa's house.

There are kitten lovers…and then there are Ricky's grandparents. When Izzie Grass left her kitten, Ricky, with her parents for two weeks, she had no idea what was in store for her after she got him back. Not only had Ricky been well taken care of, but his adventures with his human grandparents were fully documented in a photobook created by Grass' mother, which she titled "Ricky Goes to Gramma's and Grampa's."

The photo album that reads like a children's book first went viral when Grass shared it on TikTok in 2020. Now, it has resurfaced again and people are clamoring for more riveting Ricky content after reading about how the kitten "helped Gramma do the dishes" and how "Cousin Jasper and Charlie ate most of" the pancakes Gramma made for him.

Check out how adorably extra Gramma is:

@goldfishclub

I’ll never run out of content. #Rickythesquittenkitten #cats #kitten #animals #pets #fyp #foryou #cute #happy #teachersoftiktok

Has any kitten ever been more loved?

"I would die for Ricky, Gramma, and Grampa," wrote one commenter.

"This is GOLD. I want to see 'Ricky Learns to Drive.'" wrote another.

"My parents didn't even put this much effort into making scrapbooks for ME," shared another.

Grass told Newsweek that her mom told her she made the book because "that's what she does," adding, "She is known for creating very sentimental gifts."

Grass also shared that the book almost didn't get made because Ricky almost didn't make it as a kitten. He was brought to the veterinary clinic where Grass worked when he was 9 weeks old to be euthanized.

"The individuals who dropped him off reported that they found a kitten with broken legs and that was throwing up everything they tried to feed him," she said. "I came back from my lunch early to care for this kitten and in the kennel was Ricky."

As it turned out, Ricky had some birth defects and health problems that required specialized care, but he didn't need to be euthanized. Grass took him home but needed a little time to prepare to give him the care he needed.

"My mom stepped up and offered to watch him for a couple weeks while I got a handle of my schedule," Grass told Newsweek. "It was during this time that she created the book."

The fact that Ricky had specialized care needs at the time makes Gramma's photobook all the more endearing.

"He has made so much progress," Grass told Newsweek. "His esophagus works significantly better, he has learned how to walk, climb and run, and he continues to help me raise other foster kittens. Ricky is very loved and lives the life he deserved to have."

With a mom and grandparents like he has, it's not a surprise. Find more videos of Ricky and the animals Grass fosters on her TikTok channel here.


This article originally appeared two years ago.

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Family

Mom shares how being actively parented as a full-grown adult makes all the difference

“I think this is what people mean when they say ‘It takes a village.’”

@hannahwiththelipstick/Instagram (used with permission)

We need our parents after we leave the nest, just in different ways.

When we think of "parenting" we usually think of the years from birth to college age, when kids become legal adults and many start fleeing the nest. It's not like there's a magic switch that gets flipped at 18 that suddenly makes kids not need their parents anymore, but the young adult years are a time when people grow into their independence, taking on the responsibilities and challenges of adulthood gradually but surely.

But what happens after that? Once kids are grown and flown, what role to parents play? They're not rulemakers or final authorities anymore, and they certainly aren't having to make sure basic needs are being met, but that doesn't mean their parenting years are over.

A video from a mom named Hannah shows what supportie, active parenting looks like with fully adult children, and it's a beautiful example of the way parent-child relationships ideally shift over time.

"My parents could write a manual on how to practically love your adult children," wrote Hannah Cases of @hannahwiththelipstick. "I was feeling overwhelmed and this was their response."

As she sits outside with a blanket around her shoulders and a warm mug in her hand, Hannah's parents are shown playing with her child, cooking some soup, organizing and cleaning and otherwise taking some of the load off her shoulders.

"Your adult children still need you," she wrote.

@hannahwiththelipstick

I think this is what people mean when they say “it takes a village”. 🤍 If your kids are all grown up just remember, they still need you. We might say “I’m fine” or struggle to ask for what we need but the truth is everyone needs help sometimes and the support of loving parents / grandparents has the power to change everything. My parents are a constant reminder of what it looks like to practically love the people around you and put action behind the words “I love you”. I love differently because of having parents like them and living three minutes away from each other has been the biggest blessing. I know a lot of people don’t have parents who are able to help or the relationship might be strained but blood isn’t what makes someone family and I encourage you to seek out a village and remember that it’s okay to ask for help sometimes. 🫶🏻 #ittakesavillage #myvillage #familyiseverything #ittakesavillagetoraiseachild #grandparentgoals #parentgoals #loveyouradultchildren #grandparentslove #parentslove


In the caption of the video, she expanded her thoughts:

"I think this is what people mean when they say 'it takes a village.' 🤍 If your kids are all grown up just remember, they still need you. We might say 'I’m fine' or struggle to ask for what we need but the truth is everyone needs help sometimes and the support of loving parents / grandparents has the power to change everything. My parents are a constant reminder of what it looks like to practically love the people around you and put action behind the words 'I love you.' I love differently because of having parents like them and living three minutes away from each other has been the biggest blessing. I know a lot of people don’t have parents who are able to help or the relationship might be strained but blood isn’t what makes someone family and I encourage you to seek out a village and remember that it’s okay to ask for help sometimes. 🫶🏻"

It's true that not everyone has parents or a relationship with their parents that would give them this kind of support, but that doesn't mean people aren't desperate for it.

"Honestly seeing this inspires me to be this parent… I pray one day I can create a space this loving for my daughter. I wish every family had this. The world would be such a better, more healthy place."

"Such a gift. I wish we all had parents like this. 🥺"

"100000000x this!!!
Arguably we need you more than ever, now!
We crave independence when we are young, and family/support as we grow our own. ❤️❤️❤️❤️"

"I really wish my mother was capable of this kind of love and support, but unfortunately many of us don’t have this… count yourself blessed if you do!! ❤️"

"You are very blessed to have them ❤️ myself and my husband’s parents don’t ever come around for us or our 2 kiddos and it’s very sad. We have no village except our good friends."

"All I get when I tell my mom I’m struggling is ‘I remember those days.’ Happy for people who have this support but also jealous 😅 But someday I will be there for my grown kids with whatever they need."

"I hope I get the opportunity to show up for my adult babies and their babies like this someday."

"My parents are like this and I’m SO thankful. My mom showed up Monday with a coffee for me. Today both kids have swim class. My dad tags along, and every Wednesday he brings us breakfast. Little things like that, that just make it a little easier on me. My parents live 6 minutes away and I tell them all the time I couldn’t do it without them!"

"We live 15 away from my in-laws. Once a week, my Mother-in-law does one on one time with my two kids. Since the kiddos will nap during the time it’s not their turn with their mimi, it really ends up being such a wonderful break for me. It really does take a village!"

"I tell my parents all the time that I still need my mommy and daddy lol it sounds silly, but it’s so true! I’m so thankful they live one street over and are always available at the drop of a hat! ❤️"

Though it's sad to see in the comments how many people don't have this kind of support, it's also a good reminder to be there for one another when and how we can be. There's no substitute for loving and supportive parents, but any friend or family member who has the time and inclination can help fill that role when they see there's a need.

It's always good to see positive examples of healthy relationships, both to know what's possible and to inspire us to be the people—the village—we want someone to be for us.

You can follow Hannah Cases on Instagram and TikTok.

This article originally appeared last year.

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